Oh no! It’s that G guy again, reviewing RAW! BOO!!!! BOO!!!!! Yep, back for another week with me. Talking to Pintnoir about covering iMPACT again this week (he did awesome last week, no?) so you get more flavors of stylization on the site during the BWF summer vacations. I don’t mind visiting the ‘E again for a bit. Hope you like the animated gifs and the Charles Barkley, folks! We kick off our show with the overrun of the Tough Enough finale. Looks like it’s down to Luke and Andy. Vince and Stone Cold have some competitive banter back and forth about who will announce the winner. SCSA notes it’s his show, and declares Andy the winner. Vince goes to welcome Andy to the WWE and…

-…SLAPS HIM ACROSS THE FACE! Then Austin looks to console Andy, and stuns him! It’s clearly a blurred reality and kayfabe moment that is fun, but feels a little out of place. Good season. Now off to FCW, Andy, as we kick off RAW officially.

– R-Truth comes out singing “The Saints Come Marching Home,” but with Little Jimmy in place of the Saints. He does this hilarious march dance, almost muttering the lyrics to himself. Truth just keeps getting more crazy each week! SCSA and McMahon remain in the ring. Truth explains if he apologizes about his abuse of Little Jimmy and Big Jimmy from the crowd, he’ll get a title opportunity at Capitol Punishment. “I’m sorry… I’m a good R-Truth!” he begins in sarcastic fashion. He’s dressed like he is dressed like a member of the Confederacy of the American Civil War, since he’s Richmond, Virginia. McMahon and Austin both take minor jabs at Truth, which Killings holds his own against, and that he is conceding from the WWE Universe, no more merchandise, video games (E3 WEEK AT WONDERPOD, SUBTLE I KNOW), and so forth.

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This put a smile on my face. Truth is getting better in this role as each week goes on.

– Truth continues his company wide conspiracy rant. McMahon questions this… then out comes the Miz who complains about Alex Riley. The next part resembles a parade. Out comes Alex Riley. Retort. Out comes Cena. Retort. Cena gives him the rematch. Announcement by General Manager via Cole, who is told to shut up by McMahon. McMahon makes the mainevent Cena/Riley versus Truth/Miz with special guest referee Stone Cold. While there is a lot going on, it’s highly entertaining to say the least!

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This put a smile on my face. Truth is getting better in this role as each week goes on.

– The Bored Wrestling Fan celebrates it’s 3rd Anniversary this week! Awesome!

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FANTASTIC!

– Micheal McGillicutty w/ David Otunga versus Santino Marella w/ Victor Kozlov. I had completely forgotten Otunga’s name, actually. He’s become like a lamp on a set where actors are telling a story completely unrelated to that lamp. It’s just there. This match is told as if both men are fairly equally matched, which is not actually a bad thing. Nice to see spots by both grapplers, and it’s refreshing. Santino locks, cocks, and aims his Cobra for the finish and the pin after about 5 minutes or so. I’m sure some more meticulous smark timed it for you elsewhere on the interwebs.

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Charles Barkley @G: “I haven’t killed a mascot in a while, it always makes me smile. You watching the NBA Finals this year G?”

G @Charles Barkley: “Totally rooting for the Celtics. Holding out hope! Did you watch the Bruins obliterate the Canucks 8 – 1 tonight?”

– We’re reshown the Kharma promo from last week where the Bella’s ran her down. And by ran down, of course, I mean very poorly delivered insults. So naturally this leads us to:

– The Bella Twins versus Kelly Kelly and Beth Phoenix. Umm… ok. So Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly is…. after being chased by Kharma… screw this. FFW! Don’t waste your time on this at all. Nothing really special, but you already knew that. The faces win while the audience loses.

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I have absolutely no idea either.

– Backstage Trish Stratus and Booker T discuss something, which immediately turns into Booker wanting to show Trish how to do a “Trisharooni.” Enter Jack Swagger who questions their abilities as trainers, and Swagger challenges Booker to a match, essentially. Booker hits ALL of his catch phrases. To be honest with you, it’s still real to me. Ha! Enjoyed it, but could see a few of my fellow smarks rolling their eyes at this bit.

– To the entrance ramp, as a cross-legged CM Punk sits by a standing Mason Ryan. Punk’s calm, articulation is beyond believable and spot on as per usual. “Ladies and Gentlemen, join me in dismantling Rey Mysterio,” concludes the straight edge savior, he, leader of the Nexus… the man who I can only liken to a heel as unique and noteworthy as Rowdy Roddy Piper. [/praise-for-CM-Punk]. TO THE COMMERCIALS!

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Charles Barkley @G: “I told you I hate your honkey hockey! There’s not enough grass in that sport.”

G @Charles Barkley: “Ahh… I probably shouldn’t mention that the Atlanta Thrashers have been sold to a new owner who is relocating them to Winnipeg… God forbid you take a look at a picture of their roster… cough… cough… Opening doors for ALL athletes Mr. Barkley. Love yah, Barks!”

– Rey Mysterio versus CM Punk w/ Mason Ryan. At the start, Mason Ryan looks to take Punk’s place… BUT NO!! It’s mind games here, pointed out by Cole. Punk smugly stares at Rey with an expression that looks like he’s going to fuck with his head, before he fucks up his shit. Or how the Patman of Wonderpod Online plays Halo: Reach. I think probably 3 people got that reference. This starts at a low simmer as both men seem to feel one another out. I double check I’m not watching porn…. yep, it’s still wrestling… I guess that comment was just a wrestling cliche. Sort of like the obvious non-fan counter! ZING! Meh.

– Sorry, went on a tangent. The copyright logo comes up for the 1/2 way mark of the show. This looks to be a long one! Great start as Punk works the arm of Mysterio. Geez, this is a fine bout! The two mix up a smooth match, playing off of power moves and high spots at the right time and places for them to occur. This is one I completely recommend you watch, dear reader. Youtube it up. I’ve decided not to link to the videos anymore as to avoid the sources getting nailed by Big Brother more quickly. STEALING IS WRONG! WRONG!!! Well actually, it is theft… go look it up, folks! Ryan goes to interfere on the finisher, as Rey swings around a standing Punk into a modified 619 to take out Diesel Ryan on the ring apron, then hit a frogsplash on Punk for the win! GREAT MATCH!

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Since frogs are both water based, and land based… I guess that will be the reason I posted this one. It’s late, and I’m tired. Just enjoy.

– Dream sequence a la Jerry Lawler for the Capitol Punishment PPV. Ok, tried to ignore these for a while, but the last time I enjoyed a regularly reoccuring dream sequence was on Wayne’s World. But this one had more little Jimmy. Yep, R-Truth asks Obama about how it would feel to deal with a conspiracy, etc. They just made me a fan of this previously terrible ad campaign…. Cena and Riley have words backstage, nothing much here.

– Alberto Del Rio drives out, and without Rodriguez to announce him. BOO!!! Well, yes… the crowd too, WTF? He better be on vacation, and not future endeavored. Del Rio reminds us all of how the Big Boss Man dragged Show’s father… err… Big Show got run down by a car. Alberto wants the Big Show to come out so he can apologize to him. Big Show delays things, and says there is no way he can run him over with his car, since it is so far away from him (as he stand currently in the ring). Ahh… Rodriguez is dressed as a comedic parody of Show, on crutches and with a pillow stuffed in his gut, a bald cap… and a baseball glove for his giant hand! HAHAHAHA!! “Big Show” makes RRRAAAARRRR sounds like Jason the Terrible (see Stampede Wrestling, bub!) to every question Del Rio asks, with food hanging out of his mouth. Rodriguez eventually breaks “character” to announce his employers name repeatedly. Again, rather entertaining.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vMDRtMCftE[/youtube]
Check out Patman’s installment of Stampede Wrestling classics! It’s Owen Hart versus Razor Ramon, in an unofficial Stampede Wrestling match since the promotion had folded by this point. Click that link for more classic stuff!

 

– Kofi Kingston versus Zack Ryder (the Long Island Iced-T). with Dolph Ziggler and Vickie on commentary. I think they are selling Dolph as Zack’s scout or something? I don’t know, but they are totally acknowledging Ryder’s internet success by naming the show, and the following. It’s a memefest by the WWE, I suppose… and about damn time. The problem is that the commentary detracts from the bout itself. It’s not quite a squash, but Kofi goes over Ryder clean. Somewhere, a dude named Zah is shaking his head. Me too. BTW, they also changed Ryder’s whole look. Damn you McMahon and your inability to let this man succeed because the fans want him too. What looked to be promising become ghastly apparent as a dropped ball by corporate. Dumb.

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POW! Just when you weren’t looking, this show turns towards destination sucker punch.

– We’re told The Miz will face Alex Riley at Capitol Punishment.

– Jack Swagger versus Booker T. Yes. Why yes, I can dig this. I’m so happy to see the Book-man in a match, I might be wrong… but the last one we saw was the Royal Rumble before he wisely jumped ship from iMPACT Wrestling? There’s a little ring rust, but Booker is still in pretty good shape after a number of months off. Swagger looks to allow a countout occur, yelling “I don’t need that!” He is counted out! BUT NO! Evan Bourne runs in to screw with the All American, luring him into a scissors kick via Booker T! Both commence simultaneous Spin-A-Roonies to return to making me smile. A one-off match (I think), that continues Bourne’s assail upon Swagger.

– The Randall Keith Orton film (in which he appears for 5 minutes I hear), That’s What I Am, is still being advertised. Ok WWE, you made a film that is reported to not completely force my brain to invert itself. Walk away. Just walk away. It wasn’t even in the theatres, and you’re preaching to the converted at this point.

– Glass breaks… here’s your special guest referee. I’ve said this before, I’m a huge fan of Austin as a referee. He’s well aware of putting the focus on the men in the ring, and not himself. At the same time… he manages to retain his character with his posture and poise throughout. I continue to place him on top of my favorite guest referee role… and thus plan on watching him as a focal point for out mainevent. I’ll still provide results.

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Great Ref-Bump by Orr. Colton Orr, not Bobby.

– Long long introductions eat a bunch of time… Wait, what? Austin? NO REF SHIRT!! BOO!! Austin stills plays the part for the first segment of this match. The action is good to start, showcasing all four combatants… As we return, there’s a little kid who almost falls down the stairs on the right aisle depicted in the hard camera. He is like 6 years old, and holds up his souvenir belt for a while until a bunch of other little Jimmies join the fray. Meanwhile, Miz refuses to break a Mudhole Stomping via Miz to Riley after the count, so SCSA pulls him off!! STARES AND WORDS! The match continues. Truth gets a hot heel tag, and the beatdown of Riley continues. There’s an obviously another hot tag in the works. It’s the obligatory tag team face beat down segment coined by BWF contributor Rich Flynn! Cena gets his tag and of course follows the obligatory part of the script. After a failed submission attempt on the Miz, Truth attempts a chair shot on Cena, miss, reverse! DROP KICK! SCSA ignores the failed attempt (because awesome). Riley enters to attack Cena while down WITH THE BRIEFCASE! Haven’t seen that in a while, but he swerves us and takes out the Miz… right into Austin’s Stunner! Cena for the finish and win! That’s why heels should not fuck up Referee-Austin’s shit, right? So-so match, fun RAW!

– BUT NO!!! ANONYMOUS GM EMAIL! The GM notes the referee didn’t perform his job fairly. Therefore the heels win… and… another email comes in…. next week is WWE Allstar week, 3 hours. Ohh… 3? Might not be able to review that one (Drow, let’s switch?). Austin will be a guest manager. This immediately leads to Austin asking the audience if he should stun Cole. Yep. Cena Attitude Adjustment on Cole. The King LOVES this on commentary as a beer bash commences.

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The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

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This RAW Review Appears on Three Sites!

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Bored Wrestling Fan


A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

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Wonderpod Online


The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

BTW, Actually
These reviews started off in a place called Project Wonderboy, a site that shares the name with it’s original founder, “whatever.” But this incarnation was under the Morphine Nation banner. That site is now evolved with all it’s original members at BTW, Actually. This place is all about challenging censorship and political correctness in an intelligent way.

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Shameless Plugs!

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HEY YOU! HOCKEY FAN! NOT A HOCKEY FAN? MAYBE STILL A PHILANTHROPIST?

Two friends of mine are participating in beardathon.com, which is a fundraising project for NHL fans who follow the sports’ Stanley Cup tradition of growing out their beards for the entirety of their survival in the tournament. It represents aspects of superstition, and team sportsmanship as well. And for ThinkSoJoE and Rich Flynn of Bored Wrestling Fan, it’s about helping to give back to the community of their favorite hockey team, by also growing their own playoff beards and collect money via pledge. Both men represent the Buffalo Sabres hockey club. Here’s what they are raising money for:

The Buffalo Sabres Foundation has chosen to make its primary focus to (1) assist youth hockey initiatives, (2) support children’s health and wellness initiatives, specifically those that serve the underprivileged and handicapped, and (3) provide support to non-profit organizations that provide vital services to those in need in our community.

They are having a friendly little competition between themselves, ThinkSoJoE and Rich Flynn. They are both competing for the same charity, but against each other for fun. Regardless, ALL funds donated to either will go to the Buffalo Sabres Foundation! So everyone is a winner. Please consider donating to either (or both)!

Donate to ThinkSoJoE? Click Here. Donate to Rich Flynn? Click Here.

The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, and Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

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