Sorry about missing last week’s RAW everyone, but I started work Monday, and then spent the rest of the day at Universal Studios, where I mentally spent most of the day mocking TNA and the signs telling me to go watch it, and then forgot all about TNA in favor of the Wizarding World of Harry Potter.  BUT!  I am here tonight!

There’s a rumor going around that Trish Stratus will be back tonight with Snooki and will team with her and John Morrison to go up against Dolph Ziggler and LayCool!  But, is it true?  I guess we’ll find out.  Not only that, but what else is next on WWE Champion The Miz’s schedule on his way to Wrestlemania?  I don’t know that either, so we’ll find out… I hope!

Also. Unrelated. Go vote for Chris Jericho for Dancing With the Stars, alright?  You should totally do it.  I did.

HOLY CRAP!! IT’S JR!?!?!?!

…. Or not.  Fucking Cole.

Cole walks out in a fat suit, something on his leg, something in his mouth, a bottle of JR’s BBQ and a cowboy hat.  Last week, Swagger put JR in an ankle lock?  Is that what I heard?  I kind of want to punch Cole in the head.  Josh Matthew looks unbelievably bored.  And Cole is hiding in “the Cole Mine”?  Whatever.  Coward.

It’s time to play the game…

Triple H makes his way down to the ramp, all authority and badass-ery, as usual.

I have to take a moment and say, the WWE cameramen are pretty fucking spectacular at getting some pretty badass shots of the Superstars and Divas.  Definitely good at their jobs.  Shout out to those guys.  Alright, back to the facts now.

Triple H says almost twenty years in this business.  It’s a long time.  He walks out there and looks at everyone and wonders, could this be the last time he’s in that building?  In two weeks, there is the defining moment of his entire career.  In two weeks, it’s the defining moment of the Undertaker’s career.  Everyone’s talking, there are signs.  Nineteen and zero, eighteen and one.  Time to end the streak.  The whole world is talking about this match.  Two icons clashing like never before, the Undertaker, Triple H, no holds barred.  He has no idea what this match will take out of him, or how much it will take out of the Undertaker.  He knows that neither one of them will ever be the same, he can assure us of that.  This is the biggest match he’s ever been in in his life.  That Streak of eighteen years is bigger than any championship, maybe all of the championships he’s ever held combined.  And ending it will be a career defining moment.  Before they go to the ring and tear each other apart, put each other through Hell, Triple H wants Taker to do him a favor: Come there next week, stand in the ring, one week before they collide, Triple H wants to look him in the eye, stand face to face, man to man, and Triple H wants to tell him what is going to happen at Wrestlemania.  He is going to look Taker in the eye and tell him he will lose.  Triple H will end the Streak.  The thing is, when it dies, so does the Undertaker.  If Triple H can’t do it, he will die trying.  But Deadman, Triple H wants that one last opportunity, to stand face to face with you, like your song says: Ain’t no grave can hold this body down, right?  When Triple H ends the Streak, that’s it.  It’s done.  Undertaker, at Wrestlemania, you go 18 and 1.  Undertaker, at Wrestlemania, you will Rest. In. Peace.

Ted says one year ago, he was one of the rising Superstars of the WWE.  He competed his first Wrestlemania match against Randy Orton.  And this year, he’s just an afterthought.  Well, he won’t be an afterthought anymore.  He’s making his own opportunity.  What if Ted takes out the Cerebral Assassin on live television two weeks before Wrestlemania?  Then people will have no choice but to take notice of him, Ted DiBiase.

Ted goes to get in the ring, but Triple H throws him out and stays on him, taking a few hits from Ted .  Triple H fights back and hurls Ted right into the steel steps.  He throws the top steps off and bounces Ted’s head off the other set.  Ted is then thrown into, or flipped into, the guard rail before Triple H grabs a chair.  He drives it into Ted’s torso before hitting Ted with it once, twice, three, four times.  He loses the chair, then stands over Ted for a moment, then eyes the announce table.  Triple H clears the table of the monitors, then grabs Ted, gets him on the announce table.  Triple H then makes the slashing motion across his throat and Pedigrees Ted through the announce table.

Tonight, John Cena is going to respond to The Miz’s attack last night, via satellite.  And, not only that, but The Miz is going to “Rewrite Miz-tory” and change the face of the WWE.

<COMMERCIAL>

@TKeep123 Teddy, Teddy, Teddy….. Taking on a #WM27 headliner 2 weeks before the match? Thought your daddy raised you better! #WWE #RAW #BWF #mnbw

@HitTheRopes Props to Teddy for having more offense against Trips than Sheamus did a few weeks ago. #JobbingIsPriceless

@SuperCoolBerry Oh so Cena “Bringin’ It via Satellite” now……he biting The Rock. Smh


We come back to Monday Night RAW with the new United States Champion, Sheamus in the ring!

United States Champion King Sheamus vs Evan Bourne

Sheamus starts out hard against Bourne and throws him to the ground before stomping away on him, using his knee.  Bourne rolls under the bottom rope, but Sheamus grabs him and hits him with some hard forearms, sending Evan between and underneath the ropes again.  Sheamus stops on Bourne’s hand, then throws him into the corner, but Bourne ducks a clothesline and kicks Sheamus right in the face.  Bourne goes up to the top turnbuckle and misses the Air Bourne.  Sheamus gets up and hits a Brogue Kick for the win.

United States Champion King Sheamus wins via pinfall.

Sheamus has a mic and says that he is now our new champion of the United States of America.  He is interrupted by my favorite person ohwait.

Daniel Bryan says that one of the great things about this country is everybody gets an opportunity, no matter where they’re from.  Bryan says that he wants to invoke his rematch clause at Wrestlemania.  Sheamus shrugs, throws the title at Bryan, and then Brogue Kicks him in the face.  Right in the face.

Tonight, a Wrestlemania Rewind from Wrestlemania 22, it’s Randy Orton vs Rey Mysterio.

<COMMERCIAL>

@KeepItFiveStar IT’S A SHAMEFUL THING! LOBSTER HEAD!! (Exit theme version)

@kickoutblog A kick to the face usually counts as a “yes” when someone makes a challenge.

@Whovian_23 You know I’m sure there was someone else in the Orton/Mysterio match at WrestleMania 22… #WWE #RAW #BWF

<WWE Slam of the Week: Last Monday, Randy Orton destroys Mason Ryan, and then punts him in the head.>

Randy’s getting out of his tour bus and Scott Stanford meets him, asking what it’s like for Randy to travel in the gorgeous tour bus.  Randy says the bus is great, offers privacy, and lets him bring his family with him on the road.  On this very bus is where he witnessed the birth of the New Nexus, and the footage he likes to watch over and over again are the ones where he dismantles the new Nexus one punt at a time.  Punk has no one to watch his back, but insists that he’s still sick and twisted.  But, Punk has no idea what sick and twisted really is.

Maryse vs Diva’s Champion Eve Torres

Maryse mocks Eve right as they start, and Eve mockingly claps at her, and Maryse says that nobody cares about Eve.  Maryse misses a slap, and Eve connects with one.  Maryse then tackles Eve and slams her face down on the mat a few times.  Maryse then throws Eve into the corner, slapping her before sending her face into the turnbuckle.  She digs her knee into Eve’s back , and then misses an attempted hit.  Cole interrupts yet again, asking if we can get it over with as Eve hits a cross body on Maryse and misses a cover.  Eve then sends Maryse’s face into the turnbuckle and throws Maryse onto the ground, kicking her a few times before hitting a clothesline.  Eve then goes to hit the handspring moonsault, but Maryse lifts her knees.  Maryse gets Eve up, then Eve counters, hitting something or another, and pins her for the win.

Diva’s Champion Eve Torres wins via pinfall.

Cole keeps talking, and Eve is about to go attack Cole, but the bodyguard keeps her out of the way.  Eve obviously wants to attack Cole and nearly slaps him.  Cole then starts to climb out of the little glass room, he’s in, and then walks away.

Tonight, The Miz is going to change the face of the WWE by rewriting “Miz-tory”.

<COMMERCIAL>

@KeepItFiveStar Oh My God! After two plus years of just wearing a shirt, Randy Orton is wearing PANTS!

@ThingsColeSays HOLY SHIT….IS HE WEARING PANTS? FIRST TIME IN TWO YEARS!!!!!!!!!

@Whovian_23 Randy Orton wearing clothes on RAW for the first time ever I think. #WWE #RAW #BWF

@kickoutblog Again, WWE would never do something like this during a men’s match.

@CMPunkSays Once again, @MichaelCole attempts to bury an entire division in one fell swoop. #WWE

@KeepItFiveStar LMAO Maryse went in! “Nobody cares! NO BODY CARES ABOUT YOU HERE!” Speak the truth Maryse! Take down Juwanna Man!

@Niki_Sushi Oh, go the hell away, Eve. I’m sick of you. Give the title to someone who shows up more than once every few months. #BWF #RAW

@HitTheRopes I totally forgot Eve was champion… Scratch that, I totally forgot there was a Divas Championship.

@Whovian_23 I get that @MichaelCole is meant to be an unlikeable prick, but it not good for business when a commenter shows no interest in matches. #BWF

<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last Friday: The Big Show and Kane win, via DQ, against Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater before the Corre destroy The Big Show and Kane.  Probably a bad idea…>

Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater with The Corre vs Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov with Tamina

Wrestlemania this year starts at 7 PM!

Santino and Gabriel start, and Santino gets Gabriel down.  He sets up for the Cobra, but catches Slater as he goes to get in, only to eat a very pretty spinning kick from Gabriel.  Gabriel goes for the cover, but Santino kicks out.  Slater gets tagged in and dominates Santino before putting him in a headlock.  Santino battles out of it and throws Slater over him.  Santino tries to get to Kozlov, but Slater stops him.  Santino gets away from Slater and Slater shoves Santino right into Kozlov.  Kozlov gets in and immediately dominates, but Barrett distracts Kozlov.  Slater hits something or another on Kozlov and tags in Gabriel, who hits the 450 Splash for the win.

Tag Team Champions Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel win via pinfall.

And now, The Corre attacks Santino and Kozlov.

WEEEEEEEEEELL IT’S A BIG SHOW!

The Big Show and Kane, however, seem pretty pissed off after what happened on Friday and both get into the ring, attacking The Corre and saving Santino and Vladimir.  Show hits the knockout punch on Slater before focusing on Jackson.  Kane’s focus is on Barrett.  Santino checks on Kozlov while Kane and Show give Ezekiel a huge choke slam.  Tamina comes over to get her boys as Kane sets the ring on fire.  Not literally, of course.  Santino and Vladimir thank Show and Kane for their help.

Coming up next, John Cena responds to The Miz’ attacks live via satellite.

<COMMERCIAL>

@FrankWWEClown Somebody has a “One Man Rockband” sign in the front row. Get that girl some help, ASAP. #WWE #RAW

@Niki_Sushi No matter what, no remix will be as amazing as JeriShow. Good try, though. #BWF #RAW

@KeepItFiveStar Damn! Kane hopped on the ropes n shit. Show and Kane are NOT playin!

@HitTheRopes LOL, Cena is pulling a Rock and doing Bringing It Via Satellite #wwe

@HitTheRopes It’s quite obvious after seeing Cena being via satellite: @JohnCena fears @MikeTheMiz

Next Monday night, The Rock will be LIVE on Monday Night RAW!

<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last Monday: John Cena vs Alberto Del Rio.  Cena gets Rio up, but Brodus Clay interferes.  Del Rio pushes Brodus away.  The Rock’s theme starts, The Miz comes out in a skull cap.  The Miz hits Rock Bottom.  Miz attacks Cena viciously, and then wraps it all up with a Skull Crushing Finale into the WWE logo.>

Matthews says that next week, there will be no impersonations.  What does John Plan to do next week?  Cena says that next week will be epic.  Next week, John will be face to face with The Rock.  And if they do have a problem, then next week, that problem gets settled.  Jerry asks if all the attention focuses on the Rock has taken his focus off the Miz and has he underestimated the Miz?  John says he has and that’s why Miz has been able to attack him.  He says the fact that he’s sitting at home is proof that Miz deserves to be the WWE Champion.  It’s also proof that he claims he can change the face of the WWE.  Miz dressing like Rock was one helluva stunt.  He’s sure this celebration will be equally creative.  He won’t be there tonight, but he’ll be watching.  He hopes that tonight, The Miz rewrites history.  Because at Wrestlemania, Cena plans on making history.

Cole takes the mic and climbs out of his little room, and says that Cena and the Rock have a lot in common.  While they’re coming live via satellite, Cole’s there live in person.  Coming up next, he has another worldwide exclusive, Mr. Lawler, something that we’re not gonna wanna miss, next.

<COMMERCIAL>

@kickoutblog The Rock won’t even make it to WrestleMania after The Miz destroys him next week.

@kickoutblog John Cena wears his wrestling attire at home just in case the kid that mows his lawn starts talking shit.

We come back to Swagger and Cole in the ring together.  Wow, this is the most screen time Jack’s gotten since… since… He was a member of the RAW Roster.

Swagger stands in front of Lawler as Cole asks for our attention.  Cole says that he’d like to introduce us to the man who will train him for the Main Event at Wrestlemania, Jack Swagger.  Last week, we had another worldwide exclusive, when he invited Lawler’s son to tell the world what kind of a gutless fraud Lawler really is.  Cole was so touched by the emotional and heartwarming reunion, father and son together again, he wants to revisit it.

<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, Brian Christopher points out that he competed at Wrestlemania before King did, attacks his father, says he’s ashamed of Lawler.>

Cole quotes “ashamed of you”.  Brian Christopher was so appreciative last week that Cole let him say what he did last week that he gave Cole a gift.  Apparently, Brian Christopher gave him the Lawler Family Photo Album.  Cole says that to understand what a person is all about, you have to go back to see the way he was raised.  He shows a picture of King’s father.  Cole says that he went digging for information and found out that King and his father are nothing but gutless cowards and bullies.  People who talk a big game until someone steps up to them and puts them in their place.  Cole says he’s going to put Lawler in his place at Wrestlemania.  Cole finally realized that King, his mother, his father, and his son have one thing in common: the family is nothing but a bunch of losers.  King takes off his headset and Swagger attacks him.  However, King attacks back, dodging a kick and then bouncing Swagger’s head off the table.  King then chases Cole, who runs right into a clothesline from Swagger.  Swagger picks King up and puts him up against Cole’s glass box while Cole continues to insult Lawler’s family.  Swagger then puts King in another ankle lock.  Then Cole gets him in an ankle lock while Swagger rests his knee on Lawler’s head.

<COMMERCIAL>

@TKeep123 Swagger smashing King’s face on the glass like he’s trying to use Silly Putty to lift a picture from the Sunday comics! #WWE #RAW #BWF #mnbw

@TKeep123 More Michael Cole… amazing how low they are going to help sell the Cole-King match. Is this really needed? #WWE #RAW #BWF #mnbw

TheRealEvilNeo Oh my, @JerryLawler is going to kill @MichaelCole #ThereWillBeBlood #WWE #RAW

@JonHexLives Didn’t Josh Matthews used to wrestle? Why doesn’t he help out? #WWE #RAW #BWF

Cole apologizes, saying that he let his emotions get the best of him, and Lawler kept pushing his buttons and he’s going to try to contain himself for the rest of the night.

Snooki has been all over the internet about how she’s getting in the ring for Wrestlemania!

<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, Snooki guest stars on RAW, is interrupted by Vickie Guerrero, helps defeat LayCool, and accepts a Wrestlemania match.>

Dolph Ziggler with Vickie Guerrero and LayCool vs John Morrison with Trish Stratus

Morrison and Ziggler lock up, and Morrison starts to fight out, but Ziggler attacks Morrison.  Ziggler starts to get Morrison up, but Morrison throws him into the corner.  Ziggler kicks at Morrison’s knee and Ziggler goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out.  Ziggler gets right back on Morrison and jumps on him before going for another cover, but kicks out. Ziggler gets Morrison in a side-headlock, but Morrison fights up to his feet and out, only to get a kick to the stomach.  Ziggler Whips Morrison, who ducks it, and then hits a clothesline before flipping Ziggler out of the ring.  Morrison goes to jump out of the ring at Ziggler, but McCool stands in the way.  Trish gets Layla and McCool out of the way, then gets in the ring.

“I am now ordering this match to be a handicapped inter-gender tag team match.  John Morrison will team up with Trish Stratus against Dolph Ziggler, LayCool, and Vickie Guerrero.”

Before the announcement is even done, Trish grabs Vickie’s hair, and it takes Dolph, Layla, and Michelle all to get her off.

<COMMERCIAL>

@ThingsColeSays Hahaha. Cole completely forgot, like all of us, that Dolph was World Champion.

@kickoutblog Good God, that Trish Stratus magazine cover is a Photoshop disaster.

Morrison and Ziggler are still in the ring, and Ziggler with another headlock.  Morrison fights out again, but Ziggler keeps a hold of his hair, only to eat another kick to the face.  Ziggler rolls to his corner and tags in Layla.  Trish gets in the ring too, and ducks Layla’s clothesline.  Trish hits some hard hits right into Layla’s face, kicking her in the stomach before Whipping her across the ring.  Lay kicks her, and Trish flips her into the ring before slapping her chest twice, three times.  Trish then Whips Lay, who turns it and Whips Trish into a kick by McCool.  Layla tags in McCool, who hits Trish right in the temple with her knee.  McCool attacks Trish, and then drops her knee on Trish repeatedly.  McCool goes for a cover, but Trish kicks out at one.  Trish counters something with something, I missed it, and McCool drags her back to their corner, tagging in Layla.  Layla kicks Trish in the stomach before going for a cover, only for Trish to kick out.  Layla throws Trish’s face into the mat and shoves her with her foot.   Lay then throws her back into the ring, tagging in Vickie.  Vickie almost hits something, but Trish manages to tag in Morrison.  Ziggler jumps in and eats a clothesline before a couple of kicks.  Morrison then bounces his head off the turnbuckle and hits the flash kick.  Layla runs around the ring and hurls Trish off the side of the apron, Morrison misses Starship Pain, and Ziggler hits the Zig Zag.  Vickie runs in and goes for the cover on Morrison, with some kind of Cougar movement that made me gag.

Vickie Guerrero, Dolph Ziggler, and Lay Cool win via pinfall.

Remind me: Inter-gender rules.  Shouldn’t it have been Dolph who pinned him, because he’s a MAN?!  Just asking…

Still to come, The Miz is going to rewrite “Miz-tory”.

<COMMERCIAL>

@TKeep123 Vickie pins JoMo ?? Umm..but in Intergener rules…oh, wait….this is #WWE. Nevermind. #RAW #BWF #mnbw

@kickoutblog Come on @ScottArmstrong_, Vickie wasn’t legally allowed to pin John Morrison. Mixed tag rules! You just screwed Morrison like you did Taker!

@iPrinceRyMoZ: You know your life sucks when you get pinned by Vickie Guererro… #Smh #WWE #RAW

@PricelessRKO JoMo really didnt need that on his record…smh #WWE #RAW #BWF

<VIDEO PACKAGE: Sin Cara Promo…>

BRING ME SIN CARA! Please?

<VIDEO PACKAGE: John Cena, Big Show, Arn Anderson, Randy Orton, Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, Jerry “The King” Lawler, John Morrison, JR, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Booker T, Harley Race, Shawn Michaels, Chris Jericho!, Dusty Rhodes comment on Triple H vs The Undertaker at Wrestlemania.>

I hear voices in my head…

Randy Orton vs Rey Mysterio – Wrestlemania 22 Rewind

<COMMERCIAL>

@kickoutblog Okay, NOW I’m excited for Triple H vs. Undertaker. WWE’s hype machine strikes again.

@KeepItFiveStar Wow. All these Superstars did this Taker interview in John Cena’s house

@CMPunkSays I want Sin Cara nowwwwwwwwwww #WWE

@JCenadotcom Sin Cara: the most anticipated debut since forever! Can’t wait!

@Niki_Sushi I SERIOUSLY wanna see Sin Cara! C’mon! #BWF #RAW

<VIDEO PACKAGE: Orton is interviewed earlier, and is it just me, or is Randy going to end up getting a sound guy fired?>

Orton and Rey go to lock up, but Rey wraps his arms around Randy and ducks it.  Rey kicks at Randy, Randy kicks back.  Randy throws Rey into a corner, Rey takes advantage with some kicks.  Randy seems to be forgetting that Rey is small.  Randy ducks a kick and Rey eats an uppercut by Orton.  Orton then throws Rey right out of the ring, causing him to bounce on the floor outside.  Orton climbs out of the ring and throws Rey back into the ring, going for a cover, but Rey kicks out at two.  Orton drops his knee on Rey and goes for another cover, but Rey kicks out again.  Orton puts Rey in a headlock and Rey fights to his feet before fighting his way out of it, only to get an elbow on his back.  Randy throws him into a corner then puts him on the top turnbuckle.  Rey fights Orton as Orton gets up and Rey hits the seated senton on Orton, only to get a scoop slam.  Orton grabs Rey and pulls him back into the ring, starting to deliver that DDT, but Rey counters and gets Orton in position, but misses the 619, only to get hit with the DDT.  Punk, however, interrupts on the TitanTron.

Punk is outside by Randy’s tour bus and says that he doesn’t know what sick and twisted is, but he does know that Orton has a very nice tour bus, and Punk can’t wait to meet his wife.  Randy then takes off backstage and runs outside to his bus, starting to get inside, only to get hit by Punk.  A woman begins screaming, and Punk tells her to shut up as Punk holds a wrench.  Punk says that the voices are probably telling Orton that he shouldn’t have punted Nexus.  Ain’t that a kick in the head?  He then blows a kiss at Sam, who gets out of the bus and kneels with Randy when Punk walks away.

Up next, The Miz is going to rewrite Miz-tory.

<COMMERCIAL>

@kickoutblog What’s the matter, Randy? CM Punk just wanted to introduce himself to your wife. He’s just trying to be courteous and nice.

@KeepItFiveStar That was a plan by the selfish Rey Mysterio. He paid CM Punk to distract Orton and flirt with his wife. What a horrible person

@HitTheRopes CM Punk about to show Orton’s wife his “straight edge” #wwe

@KeepItFiveStar Oh Randy, why did you even bring the bus? Don’t you know what happens in these situations?

@ImAMelFo If this was a real WM22 rematch, Kurt Angle’s music should hit any time now… #wwe #raw

@TKeep123 If this were the OLD Days…that Orton Tour BUS would end up wearing a green DX logo! #WWE #RAW #BWF #mnbw

@redsandman99 Orton don’t think that Punk is sick and twisted? Didn’t he see Punk crashing Mystero’s daughter’s birthday celebration? Or the Manson beard?

@seraphalexiel Randy’s just lucky that Punk didn’t go to his bus and introduce his wife to his sneaky penis

@Whovian_23 So if we believe WWE Randy Orton has had about four different wife’s… all named Samantha. #WWE #RAW #BWF

Next week, Triple H and The Undertaker will meet up face to face, and The Rock will be on RAW Live!

Alex Riley is in the ring and tells us his name is Alex Riley.  Three weeks ago, he was fired as The Miz’ apprentice.  But, lucky for everyone, he was rehired as the “Vice President of Corporate Communication”.  Allow him to introduce the most must-see Champion and the best man at his wedding.

AWESOME

This Wednesday, The Miz is going to be on Conan on TBS!

Miz says that in the 1970s, people would travel great distances to say that they saw Muhammad Ali fight in person, and in the 80s, people would pay millions to see Michael Jordan in his prime play basketball.  Now, in 2011, we have been blessed with the honor of watching him.  When he first started, people didn’t take him seriously.  Some people said that he was annoying, but now look how far we’ve come?  Now, John Cena, like The Rock, hangs onto every single word Miz says.  Last week, he imitated The Rock.  He knows, it was good, got everyone.  It was ironic, while there has been many wanna-be Rock clones over the years, the one person who imitated him correctly is one-of-a-kind, an original.  He has rewritten history.  Someone has come who has more charisma than Shawn Michaels, more physically something than Andre the Giant, more intelligent than John Cena and The Rock combined.  He is the greatest WWE Champion in history.  And, in the process, he has become bigger than the entire WWE Universe and every single one of us that’s in it.  He has flipped the WWE since day one, and that is what he’s about to reveal, symbolizes and celebrates this iconic the WWE logo.  He has flipped it in the form of an M.  And that M stands for Miz.  The time has now come.  Ladies and gentlemen, it is time to rewrite “Miz-tory”.

A drum roll sounds, and a spotlight shines over the covered thing in the ring.  The cover is pulled away, and the WWE Championship is exactly the same, except the WWE logo is upside down.  Miz lifts it over his head in victory.  Alex Riley secures the belt around his waist.  Miz says that this is what the WWE Championship will look like moving forward.  It will no long spin like a toy, and we will look at it as the most coveted title in the world.  Miz doesn’t plan on being a multi-time Champion, because he doesn’t ever plan on losing the title.  Because he’s The Miz, and he’s–!  Awesome!

John comes on the TitanTron clapping.  He says the show was fantastic, moving, epic.  He hasn’t seen something that emotional since the season finale of Flip This House.  He flipped the WWE logo to an M for his name, because it begins with an M.  The WWE Universe knows that Cena isn’t invincible, and knows that you should never make Cena angry.  In thirteen days, Cena will make history at Wrestlemania.  People come in and remove Cena’s walls.  His living room got torn apart!  Cena says that he was supposed to be broadcasting from his home, and he is.  For the past nine years, the WWE has been his home.  Right now, the two of them are in the middle of his living room, and he’s coming to take out the trash.

Cena heads to the ring and Miz and Riley prepare for him.  Wisely, they watch every entrance they can see, but Cena comes on down the ramp.  Miz is wielding the table as a shield in the ring.  Cena runs into the ring and Miz throws the table at him.  It’s an instant brawl as Riley and Miz attack Cena together.  Cena fights back the best he can, but there’s a flurry of movement in the ring.  When Cena starts to get advantage of one, the other jumps in.  Cena gets Riley out of the ring and Miz heads out.  Riley gets back in the ring and Cena locks in the STF on Riley.  The ref climbs into the ring and tries to get Cena to let Riley go, but Cena holds fast. Miz comes back and Cena finally lets Riley go.  Miz stands on the stage and watches as Cena locks the STF in again.  Miz looks a bit upset and moves closer to the ring.  Cena just waits for him, and then Miz walks out as Riley gets put into yet another STF.  Two more refs join the first one and try to get Cena off of Riley.

That’s it for this week.  Stay tuned for next week’s RAW!

3 Comments

  1. Orton says that Punk has no idea what sick and twisted really is.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Sorry, I had to wipe my eyes there.

    The Cole/Lawler segments are going on for too long. I get it, I get it, but they could be done in half the time of Cole didn't repeat himself a dozen times. Speaking of Cole, does anyone else think that his constant interrupting of the Divas matches is building to Awesome Kong smashing him. I'd much rather have seen her as part of Punk's "new Nexus" under the name of Faith, but that group has clearly ended. Yes, she'd be better as a monster heel turned loose on Kelly Kelly or something, but I do wonder about where all this is going.


    • I can already see exactly where this is going. The Divas help King win at ‘Mania, and he celebrates with them and JR afterward.


  2. I love and hate Cole's chamber of solitude. There is no ceiling (a glass ceiling, mind you). If the point is to keep Lawler away, this small detail continues to bug me.

    Yeah Aly, I was put off by Vickie pinning Morrison as well. I understand why they did this, but do not like how it comes across on a guy who should be higher elevated.

    On DG's point about Kong, perhaps after Mania that will be how they debut Kong. That would work quite well into the storyline if Cole is exiled to Elba… err…. Smackdown and kept away from Lawler? Post draft (which is pending). I could see this rude interruption-angle carry over towards Backlash (or whatever the hell they call it these days). This could be a throw-back to Kaufman oddly enough, starting with the King!


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