Smackdown: 02/03/12. Yes, Natalya Has a Farting Gimmick Now…By G · · 5 Comments
Last weekend was a whirlwind of activity for this G guy. With the Royal Rumble being the highlight, or so I thought, to cap off a content filled Saturday and Sunday, expectations were high. Did the Rumble deliver? Hrmmm… not so much, but I’ll get to that this week with the BWF Radio Crew on Sunday. Until then, let’s see how the outcome of the PPV affected Smackdown this week, shall we?
I’ll even throw in the Power Poll just for fun. If anyone reading this wants to participate and write for the BWF and/or WPO, this democratic multi-site ranking position is currently available. Toss a message in the comments if you are interested.
And even though it was kind of a depressing Rumble, we did get this.
I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.
– We kick things off with Teddy Long announcing the Elimination Chamber (EC) match for Smackdown’s World Heavyweight title. Bryan will defend against Wade Barrett, The Big Show, Cody Rhodes, Mark Henry, and Randall Keith Orton. Superstars will draw numbers to see who enters when, 1 through 6. 1 and 2 start, you know the deal.
– When will those numbers be drawn? Who knows, because out comes Henry arguing against his odds and that is not a fair deal for his rematch. Henry wants out of the EC match, and a title shot tonight. Long gets pissed at Henry’s threats, pulls him from the EC match, and deny’s him the title shot. Henry flicks Long’s tie, tries to bully him, so Long indefinitely suspends him (Henry is off to heal up).
– Sheamus, left field Royal Rumble winner, is out to save Long from a beat down and Brogue Kicks Henry right out of the ring.
– So who is Henry’s replacement exactly. Sheamus is in the advertisement to meet people in the Elimination Chamber match… but he won the Royal Rumble, and is able to to main event WrestleMania for the title… So… if he wins the Elimination Chamber match, he can face himself? How does this work? Sure, it would be a first to have his match made void if he heads to the Grand-Daddy of them all as champ and able to face a champion, but that kills the PPV if you ask me. But who else on Smackdown should get a shot? The Rumble showed us how thin the roster really is… so confused, and not liking this potential booking in the slightest.
I’m sure this is some kind of shield buff in a Japanese RPG. I’d prefer a score of little Great Whites circulating around my vehicle personally.
– Long asks Sheamus if he has decided what title he is going after… Sheamus has decided to wait for the results of the EC matches at the same named PPV. Rhodes comes out to interrupt, and makes a comparison to the Ultimate Warrior (Rhodes claims he will win the EC and be the first dual champ since Warrior Warrior)and Sheamus in that, “Half the time, I can’t even understand what you are saying!”
– Teddy Long books these two in a match… when? Take a wild guess…
– * Sheamus vs. Cody Rhodes. This match starts off pretty intense as the two trade spots. Early in, Sheamus teaches children to count at home, with a pretty sadistic smile on his face for a good guy…
His eyes and grin are just a little much, no?
– Shortly thereafter, Rhodes launches off the restraining fence on the outside to land his epic drop kick on Great White. Cole calls Rhodes the MVP of the Rumble match (he did last over 45 minutes, and had the most eliminations with 6). Overall, a great match. Sheamus picks up the win with what Cole dubs a “new finishing maneuver!” It starts like an F5/Attitude Adjustment/GTS, then the opponent is flipped and dropped into something akin to a reverse DDT. Cool spot.
Speaking of F5’s and GTS’s… CM Punk met Brock Lesnar in 2003? I didn’t know that… and no, Lesnar didn’t show up at the Royal Rumble.
– * Hunico vs. Justin Gabriel. Gabriel of course is known as the “The Man with the Best Shining Wizard in WWE.” Rhodes is still outside, looking pissed off by the announce table. Too bad, I’d like to have seen this one happen. Gabriel comes out, then Hunico w/ Camocho (probably spelled that wrong again) are out ranting in Spanish on the low-rider. The Rhodes attacks Gabriel and the heels rush the ring to participate in the beatdown. The Mediocre Khali makes the save, hence ruining a small part of Smackdown once more, and sadly for weeks to come. I already forgot he returned at the Royal Rumble… I think I was just blocking this reality from my memory.
– If TNA’s Ring Ka King project starts to do well, expect them to aggressively go after Khali when his contract is up. Unless they’re complete idiots… but one thing they know how to do, is sign guys for ridiculous amounts of money that don’t generally contribute that much to their product while letting the actually TALENTED people they have mire in the midcard and get buried… oh wait, WWE does that too. My bad. Someone better call my Momma.
Ha ha… we will see. I expect him to still be in power on Monday since HHH was cut off by the
bald dead man.
– Santino Marella interrupts Drew McIntyre being belittled by Teddy Long over a kayfabe contract…. He is joined by… HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN! Yeah, we saw him at the Rumble too. A tag match is booked. Enter Aksana for their Val Venis remix scene of the night… Turns out Hacksaw left his 2×4 behind, Aksana asks Long what the board is for… Hacksaw returns, takes his gimmicked prop while shouting “HOOO!!!” and leaving. Be a star! PG TV! I suppose most kids won’t pick up on what that implied… LOL.
Charles Barkley @G: “Dirk’s Getting Old, Bro.”
G @Charles Barkley: “I think you mean Dolph Ziggler. Ziggle’s isn’t that old.”
– I get a call from my Momma. She’s annoyed at me, saying something about a bunch of people from some place called the BWF and WPO phoning her in the middle of the night. Something about glass ceilings and ROH. Then she mentions Casa Blanca… I think she meant Colt Cabana. Fucked if I know.
– * Primo and Epico vs. Santino Marella and Hacksaw Jim Duggan. More comedy. The Colon family gets no respect, but they do get the girl as everyone’s favorite dancing diva, Rosa Mendez is there too. In all fairness, there is room for a valet in WWE. I do miss managers too. Just not sure if dancing really adds much though… how about a mouth piece?
– Hacksaw takes bumps still, so he’s cool by me for a nostalgia match. Santino is his usual amusing self too. What is good here, is that the Colons actually get to display some good chemistry and THANK GOD FOR THAT. Rosa attempts to distract Santino as he goes for the Cobra… YES! It works, and Primo hits his Backstabber finisher to retain the titles with Epico.
Yet another wrestling fan trying to emulate Kane ends in tragedy… sort of like the entire program with him and Cena.
– Next up is an interview, in ring, between Cole and Daniel Bryan… oh god… Cole gets to it right off the bat introducing Bryan as the most unlikely World Champion. Bryan comes out doing his over-the-top celebrating… Wait? What? Cole FINALLY turns around, and apologizes about his comments about Bryan all this time, and extends his hand… Bryan calmly takes the microphone, and tells Cole that this is NOT ABOUT HIM. It’s about Bryan. Then he cuts an epic promo. Since Punk is a good guy, and doesn’t use the “I’m Better Than You” gimmick right now, it’s Bryan’s turn (Don’t worry folks, in 3 years Tyler Black will get his turn at it too). It’s all about being a vegan, and a recommended MUST WATCH segment. Daniel gets the heat he needs to the crowd!
Catch it while you can, start at the 9:00 minute mark, smark.
– As you can see in the still videos if you didn’t watch, Big Show makes his presence felt and seen as well. Why wouldn’t he, I mean he eats meat, right? I was raised on BBQ. I grew up looking like Freddy Krueger as a result. Damn my parents were evil… I feel less bad about the interwebs people waking up my Momma now. Dude, I’m from Calgary, Alberta, Canada… one of our biggest exports is beef, and it is tasty stuff. If you are a vegan and are offended, sorry dude. Do your own thing, more for me that way. Ha ha!! Fuck, tangent. I rewind to catch up on the Big Show stuff…
Charles Barkley @G: “I’m not talking about that cracker porn star wannabe, I mean Nowitzki.“
G @Charles Barkley: “I agree that Ziggler got a piss-poor deal technically losing 3 times to Punk before actually having a referee note the win for a fourth. Way to build new stars WWE.”
– Actually, Show is here to retort more about Bryan’s point that he has
weaseled out of (and I love it) beaten him in four consequetive championship matches… and how Big Show ran over his 95 lb. girlfriend A.J. (who needs to eat more beef and bulk up, dammit). Show gets his pop as he enters the ring. I swear I can hear at least 13 people chanting “Big Show.” Show tells us he would have come out earlier, but he was finishing off a nice big steak. Show is also awesome on the microphone here, noting Bryan is no role model, rather a “very lucky pompous little ass” three times in a row. And regardless, he will lose his title in the EC match… can’t hide from anyone in that bout. Bryan acknowledges the odds are stacked against him, he will ensure if he does, Show will not be the winner. Bryan has made his point over and over again, he repeats, by driving his finger into Show’s chest. So Show kills him.
Much better than “The Finger Poke of Doom.”
– AJ makes her way out wearing a neck brace. She stops Show from resurrecting Bryan as a zombie, and re-murdering him. This involvement allows Daniels to sleazily shamble his undead self away.
– Natalya and Beth Phoenix are doing squats backstage. Natalya has a new gimmick. Farting. FUCK THIS SHIT. FUCK YOU WWE. FUCK YOU! Had to get that out. She let’s a couple rip, and awkwardly runs away embarassed. YES THEY ARE ACTUALLY DOING THIS RETARDED SHIT WITH ONE OF THE VERY FEW DIVAS WHO IS ANY GOOD. Fuck. Did I say “fuck” enough? No. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.
– * Beth Phoenix and Natalya vs. Tamina and Aksana. Short match. Natalya gets some action in on Aksana and Tamina, until Phoenix tags herself in and tells Natalya to “Get out of [her] ring!” They tease a break up. Phoenix destroys Aksana for the win, walks out. Natalya angrily goes to lock on a sharpshooter on the prone Aksana, but Tamina lays her out, culminating with her Daddy’s Frog Splash.
What a maneuver!! Actually, this is pretty cool.
– Matt Striker interviews Orton. Orton is his typical self. The only notable thing is… meh.
– * Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett (No D.Q. Match). Considering Barrett threw Orton down concrete stairs a little while back, I suppose the Viper might be a little angry. You wouldn’t know it from his emoting. STOIC. Long is approached by Bryan and A.J. backstage, and we cut to commercials…
Big brother finally found a useful quality in “The New Kid.”
We’re back and it’s a brawler. That’s pretty much all you need to know for about 6 minutes… They have a table in the ring, and Wade Barrett tosses Orton from the top ropes through it. Obviously when you return from a herniated disc, the smartest thing to do is that. Kayfabe? Hell, if this was the NHL, they’d call it an Upper Body Injury and hide from their opposition where the actual injury is… I’m starting to question this so-called back problem with Orton.
– I get bored (wrestling fan dot com), and decide to take a break and check out a little of the Retropod episode 6 featuring THE Gunsage and Sugar Ray Dodge of the WPO. Always love that show… they candidly talk about video games and pop culture surrounding it for kiddies of the late 1970’s and 1980’s and into the modern era. Hey look, I too am a Paul Heyman guy. These guys discuss the infamous Top 50 games list we did at the WPO… #NoMercyFuckYouPatManSmileyFace.
How NOT to throw a grenade. Back to FCW with you…
– We’re back, and essentially Orton manages to get bunch of chair shots on Barrett. Then Orton does his stone face shot, because I’m told he’s serious now… Then he helps the WWE continue to build new stars by throwing him into an announce table, doing his suspended rope dangle DDT moving, fucking up his shoulder with his more-non-challant-than-ever smacking of the matt with his arms… Fortunately Barrett finds a health kit, and miraculously recovers to Wasteland him into a steel chair? No, RKO instead. Orton picks up an unconsious Barrett and RKO him into a steel chair. Again. If nothing else, the Royal Rumble taught us the WWE roster is as thin as Michelle McCool during her run. I’m not making jokes about eating disorders. Or the Daniel Bryan vegan thing at the start of this show… I forgot about it too… I think this was a decent episode. Lots of wrestling…
– Speaking of which, post match, Teddy Long tells Bryan and AJ backstage that Bryan will face Orton next. Damn, I wrote a lot tonight… sorry folks.
– POWER POLL will follow after the usual ending to this review.
I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.
The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.
POWER POLL FOR FEBRUARY 3, 2012
1. Sheamus (9)
2. Undertaker (NR)
3. CM Punk (4)
4. Daniel Bryan (3)
5. Chris Jericho (1)
6. Brodus Clay (2)
7. Kane (5)
8. John Cena (6)
9. Kofi Kingston (NR)
10. Kharma (NR)
Fallen Out Of The Top 10:
Dolph Ziggler, R-Truth, Cody Rhodes
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