I’ve always said that BoredWrestlingFan.com is a site created by wrestling fans for wrestling fans. That’s absolutely true. We’re not “insiders.” We don’t work for any wrestling organization. We are normal people with jobs just like all of you, and sometimes real life gets in the way of our ability to meet deadlines here on BWF. Hence why you haven’t seen a RAW or SmackDown review for the last couple of weeks. That’s also the explanation for this article, for you see, we decided at the last minute to throw together a roundtable discussion for the WWE Over The Limit 2011 Pay Per View event, and I was supposed to post it. The problem is, I was busy all weekend, and at the point that I was going to post it, crazy stuff happened that prevented me from doing so. That’s irrelevant, anyhow, so let’s get started!
The WWE does the classy thing for once and tells us that this show is in memory of “Macho Man” Randy Savage, who tragically passed away on Friday.
We get our opening video package that talks about what the human body can do when it’s pushed – get this – “Over The Limit.” Clever. I’m really not feeling it. So, as G would say, FFW!
We are Seattle, and R-Truth comes out to no music, save for the phrase “The Truth shall set you free” stated before he enters. He tells the fans they should be booing themselves. He already knows they can’t handle the truth, but he’ll give it to us anyway. It’s about parking lots. He got here today, and didn’t have a parking spot. That means he has to park with the rest of the people? He deserves better than to be treated like you. He had to walk in the rain! That might work for the hippies in Seattle, but it ain’t his style. Is that a coincidence? No, it’s a conspiracy. He danced for all the little Jimmys, and it ain’t got him nowhere. He’s not dancing to your tune no more. They’re trying to make him crack up because he’s not playing games no more. “Games for kids!” Then my video skipped. Literally, like a DVD. Oh well, Mysterio.
BWF Staff Predicts: Rey Mysterio vs. R-Truth
ThinkSoJoE: If this match doesn’t end up being “R-Truth assaults Mysterio before the match and it’s canceled,” Truth will find a way to win.
G: If the WWE is truly going to elevate Truth, he must win here. Mysterio is at a level were losing or winning doesn’t affect his value and credibility. Truth has been excellent in his recent turn, so it would seem logical to see him pick up a win here. It doesn’t have to be clean, but it should be.
JT: This is the perfect point for WWE to start building new stars, will that happen here? I sure hope so. R-Truth for the win!
Drowgoddess: I’ve never cared for R-Truth, but evil, crazy, racist R-Truth is by far the most interesting that he’s ever been. R-Truth should get the win here, as Rey doesn’t need it and can do perfectly well without it. If R-Truth loses here, I think it will hurt him.
R-Truth def. Rey Mysterio
Glad to see Mysterio going back to full masks more often. I don’t really like the half masks on him. Yes, I know that’s a weird thing to notice during a match. Mysterio gets the early advantage in this one, as Jerry Lawler points out that Truth may be still thinking about his parking spot. Truth turns the tide, however, tying Rey to the proverbial Tree of Woe. Truth is very aggressive on the offense, but it could be a mistake. Michael Cole actually spews out a Kid Rock reference of sorts (It’s not cocky if you can back it up). Truth actually manages to dominate a good portion of this match. Can somebody – and again, I’m getting off the topic of the match – tell me why Booker T replaced Matt Striker on commentary? I don’t hate the guy like some writers around here (Drow), but I can’t stand him on commentary. It’s not Black Snow bad, but it’s still bad. Truth hits the spinning elbow, but Mysterio kicks out at two. Mysterio gets Truth set up for the 619, but Truth avoids it, and the match spills to the outside as Truth manages to crotch Mysterio on the ring apron. Innovative. He hits a reverse Russian leg sweep (not a Stroke), and R-Truth picks up the clean pinfall victory!
Following the match, Truth takes a water bottle and gets himself a drink – and then clocks Mysterio in the head with the bottle.
Backstage, Todd Grisham is standing by with The Miz and Alex Riley. Miz claimed he can make John Cena say “I Quit” in a way he’s never thought of before. Miz says it’s something that everybody’s overlooked, much like the fact that Cena has never faced Miz in an “I Quit” match. Sure, Cena’s beaten Batista, Orton, and JBL in previous ones, but Miz is smarter than them combined. Anybody who thinks Miz can’t win don’t have the mental capacity to realize that The Miz can do anything he could put his mind to. He’s proved everybody wrong in the past, and he’ll do it again. He’s never quit anything in his entire life, and he knows exactly what it takes to win. John Cena will say “I Quit,” and The Miz will say “I’m The Miz, and I’m the new WWE Champion.”
Up next, it’s the WWE Intercontinental Championship on the line as Wade Barrett defends against former Corre member Ezekiel Jackson.
BWF Staff Predicts: WWE Intercontinental Championship: Ezekiel Jackson vs. Wade Barrett
ThinkSoJoE: Barrett seems oddly comfortable with the idea of defending his title against Jackson, though I’d say Barrett loses and blames Heath Slater.
G: Here’s the dilemma. Do you give up on Barrett completely or raise Ezekial’s stock? If the Corre is to remain relevant, how does this end? I’m thinking we get a non-finish or DQ due to the Corre’s interference. This will keep the title on Barrett while maintaining the chase for Jackson and this storyline. I don’t think this match will be very good, and hopefully short. But as for a story, it’s decent enough to keep around for a while yet.
JT: Didn’t know this was on the card. Hell I almost forgot there was an IC title so on that note we don’t get a title change. Barrett wins.
Drowgoddess: The IC title, much like the Corre, matters so little, and it’s a real shame. Both could be so much more than they are. Barrett retains, because Jackson just now split from the Corre, and one can’t in good conscience even call it a feud yet. That said, I would not be surprised to see Big Zeke win.
WWE Intercontinental Championship: Wade Barrett def. Ezekiel Jackson by disqualification
Man, I don’t think it gets said enough, Zeke is freakin’ huge! His traps are bigger than half some entire guys on the roster (Evan Bourne, I’m looking at you!) A “Boring” chant breaks out – from one guy – before the two even lock up. It’s a big guy match, and you’d expect it to be boring. It’s not as bad as you’d think though. There’s a “Broski of the PPV” sign in the crowd. I’m sure we’ll see that on Z! True Long Island Story episode 15 next week. Barrett sits in the corner clutching at his neck, but when the referee goes to back Zeke away, Barrett strikes. He goes after those huge traps of Zeke, ramming him shoulder first into the corner. Man, this match is pretty boring. Booker T says he’s won a match at WrestleMania – I don’t remember that happening. Yes, trying to confirm what commentators are talking about – which has nothing to do with this match – is more entertaining than this match is turning out to be. (BTW, it was a tag match at WrestleMania XX). Anywho, Zeke takes over the match, and then the Corre attack him, earning Barrett the DQ. Then the Corre beat up Jackson – and Heath Slater is now wearing long tights. Yup. The beatdown is that redundant. Come to think of it, why are two guys that aren’t booked on this show wearing their wrestling gear anyway?
WrestleMania DVD promo. Including Triple H in his ThinkSoJoE inspired skull and crown costume.
CM Punk is giving tips to Mason Ryan as they walk down the hall, but they come to their dressing room to see Michael McGuillicutty and David Otunga laid out by Big Show and Kane. Punk says it’s a good thing because the Nexus is under their skin. Ryan takes that as a sign that Punk doesn’t care about the Nexus, but Punk explains that he does care, especially about him and Ryan winning the tag titles. He tells Otunga and McGuillicutty to walk it off.
It’s funny lights time, as Sin Cara makes his way to the ring. Hey, I don’t have any notes about a Sin Cara match. I call shenanigans! Sin Cara doesn’t fall on his face during his entrance, so that’s a good start. Ooooh, Jobbo! Wait. Wait. Chavo Guerrero is on this Pay Per View?!?
Sin Cara vs. Chavo Guerrero
Alright. I used to understand the red lights during Kane’s matches when he first started, but why in the teal hell does Sin Cara get special lighting for his matches? Cara utilizes his high flying offense and manages to impress me, which has become a difficult task for him since his first appearance. I think the reason Sin Cara is dominating this match is because Chavito is having trouble adjusting his eyes to the light. That’s my excuse for him. That excuse gains a bit of credibility when Chavo takes over a moment later. Sin Cara causes a bit of separation and nails a high flying move from the top rope to the outside, but I couldn’t see what it was because there’s NO FREAKIN’ LIGHT. Man, as exciting as Sin Cara can be, this match is kinda boring. It finally ends, and Sin Cara won with a Hurricanrana.
By this point I’ve started to dose off, but I trek on for two reasons – first and foremost, because you, our readers, deserve it, and two, because I’ve heard that the Orton/Christian match is MOTY worthy.
Todd Grisham is backstage with Chrisitian and Randy Orton. Grish tries to stir the proverbial pot, but Christian isn’t having it. He’s not mad at anybody, because Orton did something Christian would have done himself. He’d be freaking out if he thought he wasn’t going to win back his title tonight. Orton says Christian is a hell of a competitor, and this is a feel good story, but Orton’s beaten him before, and when he fights a feel good story, there is no happily ever after.
Please welcome Alberto Del Rio’s personal ring announcer, Ricardo Rodriguez.
Hola a todos. Estoy seguro de que si realmente la molestia de traducir este texto, ya sabes que no tengo idea de lo que Ricardo está diciendo y yo sólo pensé en balbuceo de un segundo y traducirlo al español. Bueno, ya que está leyendo, ¿cómo te va? ¿Sabía usted que Pedro Martínez para promover mi territorio, ciudad natal? ¡Es cierto! Es maldita verdad! De todos modos, esta es la parte donde yo te digo que este hombre pesa 263 libras y es de San Luis Potosí, México, Alberto Del RIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
So wait, Chavo Guerrero was booked to wrestle on this show, but Alberto Del Rio wasn’t? Wait… MICHAEL COLE IS BOOKED ON THIS SHOW AND DEL RIO ISN’T!?!
We already know that his name is Alberto Del Rio. He wants to talk about somethin’. That somethin’ is destiny. He personally finds disgusting the immigration problem in this part of the country. Those sneaky Canadians illegally cross the border into the United States. Don’t get him wrong, he’s not angry. To be honest, he doesn’t care because he know it’s their destiny to end up in Seattle complaining about the weather or their miserable lives. He’s not upset that he’s not in the WWE Championship match. He could easily make Cena or Miz say “I Quit” with his cross arm-breaker. They’d be saying “No mas, Alberto!” That’s why everything is ok, because it’s only matter of time for him to take his place as the WWE Champion. There’s nothing we can do because destiny cannot be stopped. It doesn’t matter if it’s Cena or the Miz who quits tonight, because it’s his destiny to be the next WWE C…
Well…. well it’s the Big Show!
The WWE Tag Team Champions interrupt Del Rio. That’s smart, pick a fight with a world class athlete before defending the WWE Tag Team Championships. Kane says he’s already angry since the rapture didn’t come. He was looking forward to it, but if Alberto doesn’t exit the ring, his destiny is to wind up just like McGuillicutty and Otunga. Show says that’s a punch in the face. Del Rio sneers then exits the ring. And now we’re set for the WWE Tag Team Championship match.
BWF Staff Predicts: WWE Tag Team Championship: Punk/Ryan vs. Kane/Show
ThinkSoJoE: Well, McGuillicutty and Otunga went over Show and Kane this past Monday. I’d venture to say that we’re looking at the Champs retaining as the Nexus implodes.
G: Sadly, this is likely the beginning of the end of the Nexus as I see the Kane and Big Show retaining. I hate that team, and the burial of the Nexus. But with Punk likely leaving soon, I can’t see any reason for him to win the tag titles with Ryan.
JT: I stated in my last article that I think that the Corre & Nexus will reunite to defeat Kane & Big Show. Will that happen here, no. Kane & Big Show retain.
Drowgoddess: Kane and Big Show retain. Since Punk announced his quest to make Nexus both individually and collectively dominant, this feels like a chance for Mason Ryan to officially split from Punk. Nexus id dead, and there ain’t no comin’ back. Mason Ryan will possibly lose the match due to something Punk does, be it accidental or deliberate, and lays out Punk before storming away. Call it a gut feeling.
Kane/Big Show def. CM Punk/Mason Ryan to retain the WWE Tag Team Championship
Well, at least I get to see one of my favorite WWE Superstars – who may or may not be a WWE Superstar for much longer – in CM Punk on this show. There’s a Batista chant as Mason Ryan starts off with Kane. Seriously though, the dude is a couple of tattoos away from being Batista’s twin. Ryan gets to show off his power, and I’ve gotta agree with Dave Lagana – Mason Ryan’s tights are not helping my dyslexia. Punk doesn’t fare as well with The Big Show as Ryan did with Kane, but when the New Nexus (can we stop calling them “New” Nexus yet?) start using frequent tags – well, that doesn’t quite work either, as Punk finds himself in a Big Show bearhug. Kane gets the tag in and continues to work over Punk. Punk manages to kick his way out of a chokeslam attempt, and Ryan distracts the referee, for no apparent reason since Punk wasn’t doing anything illegal. Punk and Ryan finally take control of the match. The power of Mason Ryan is on display when he gets back in, tossing Kane all over the ring. Kane starts to mount a comeback as Big Show cheers him on. Ryan gets the tag to Punk, who cuts off Kane in his attempt to make the tag to the Big Show. Punk does his best Macho Man impersonation, but Kane moves out of the way of the top rope elbow drop. Show gets tagged in, as does Ryan, and Show takes over – briefly. He tries a double clothesline but the Nexus members escape. Finally, Kane gets Punk out of the ring, and Ryan gets a double chokeslam from the tag team champions, who pin him to retain.
They show a shot of Safeco Field, where I was for WrestleMania XIX, as Cole points out that his announce table was at ringside while King and JR’s booth was way in the back of the arena. Hell, they might as well have been in the nosebleeds with me!
The attention turns to WWE Capitol Punishment and a dream sequence where Barack Obama talks about it. It’s pretty freakin’ lame. It’s like Weird Al’s old “interviews.”
The Bellas? Really? They’re booked, but Kofi Kingston isn’t? Apparently, the match on Monday between Brie and Kelly Kelly gave Kelly this match. Since nobody knew this, we don’t have predictions for this.
Brie Bella def. Kelly Kelly to retain the WWE Divas Championship
Nikki distracts Kelly, and I’m just waiting for Kharma to come out and kill them all. Kelly sticks her butt in Brie’s face, and there’s a camera attached to the ringpost, so I’m sure we’ll get King drooling over the replay later on. Brie steps on Kelly’s hand. Oh boy. Man. This is going on for far too long. No disrespect intended to the Divas, they work hard, and Kelly Kelly gets better in the ring every week, but the crowd is dead, Michael Cole is talking trash about this match being boring, and we all know this match is just fodder for Kharma to come out and stalk Kelly, regardless of who wins. Twin magic, and Nikki hits the facebuster and pins Kelly to retain Brie’s title.
Michael Cole points out that we haven’t seen Kharma yet. Cole leaves to go get ready for his match. Ugh.
Alright, World Heavyweight Championsip time!
BWF Staff Predicts: World Heavyweight Championship: Christian vs. Randy Orton
ThinkSoJoE: I think this is just the beginning, and unless they kickstart a Christian heel turn at OTL, Orton will wind up going home with the strap.
G: If Orton pins Christian clean, we riot. Seriously. Orton will win here, but not in a way that looks dominant. Maybe the Anti-Koolaid man will interfere? Sheamus? Christian will continue his chase of the World Title, hopefully all of the way to Summerslam. Christian doesn’t have to win the title back, he just needs to remain relevant. I’d love to be wrong here, and see Captain Charisma win.
JT: Unfortunately the reason for Orton on Smackdown if for him to be champion and he probably will be for a while so Orton wins here.
Drowgoddess: Orton retains, and Captain Charisma’s heel turn continues.
Randy Orton def. Christian to retain the World Heavyweight Championship
I said earlier that I’ve heard this is a MOTY candidate. I’m very much looking forward to watching it, because I believe that could possibly be true with these two guys in their current roles. Also, their match on SmackDown where Orton won the title was definitely a great match. And in fact, this is one of those “sit back and enjoy” matches, so forgive me if I don’t get too in depth here. I wonder if we can get this with an alternate commentary track on the DVD? Booker T is pissing me off. Thusfar, I like the match. These guys are doing a great job of telling a story in the ring, and the crowd is enjoying it just as much as I am. Definitely a heck of a match – also, a heck of a lot of Vancouver Canucks fans in the crowd. Christian does his best you-know-who impersonation with a diving headbutt. Orton, of course, gets his usual spots in, and even breaks out the old
Garvin Orton Stomp, which nets him a two. Christian tries to reverse an RKO attempt into a Killswitch, but Orton manages to turn that into some kind of reverse Boston Crab – innovative! Christian manages to get to the ropes. Christian fakes a dive from the turnbuckles, causing Orton to motion for the RKO, which allowed Christian to actually nail his top rope move this time. Christian went for his corner see-saw kick thing, but Orton reverses it into his elevated DDT for a two count. Definitely enjoying this match! Orton sets up for the RKO, but Christian throws Orton to the canvas. He starts yelling “SPEAR, SPEAR, SPEAR” and sets up in the corner, a la Edge. Instead of a Spear, however, Christian runs into an Orton powerslam that scores a two for the Viper. Orton starts hearing voices, and sets up for the punt – but thinks twice about it. That moment of hesitation costs him, because when he goes for it, he gets speared for a Captain Charisma two count! Christian gets the hands going and sets up for the Killswitch, but Orton reverses it, once, tries for an RKO, can’t hit it, Orton escapes another Killswitch attempt, and then nails a surprise RKO for the victory! Did this match live up to the hype? In the words of Stone Cold Steve Austin, “Oh, hell yeah!”
After the match, Orton helps Christian to his feet, but gets shoved for his troubles. Christian goes to leave but then comes back in and shakes Orton’s hand.
Up next, it’s what’s sure to be the second straight MOTY candidate of the night, the unbelievably epic encounter between a WWE Hall of Famer and a young upstart. That’s right folks, it’s Jerry “The King” Lawler vs. Michael Cole in a Kiss My Foot Match.
BWF Staff Predicts: Michael Cole vs. Jerry Lawler
ThinkSoJoE: In what’s sure to be a MOTY candidate come Slammy time, Lawler will go over Cole, since there’s no way Cole is even in consideration for the WWE Hall of Fame quite yet.
G: Don’t care… just end it. Ideally end it in a way that takes Cole off my television and into a managerial role. If Micheal Hayes is becoming a manager for Tyson Kidd, now is the time to put Cole in the same role for Jack Swagger. So, let’s just say King wins and this ends a feud that should have been finished at WrestleMania.
JT: Ugh really??? From what we saw last monday on RAW has got me to believe that Swagger will cost Lawler the match which it will until, KHARMA MAD, KHARMA SMASH!!!!! and Cole ends up doing the foot kissing. Lawler wins.
Drowgoddess: I so hope that JT is right! I posted the same thing somewhere. This REALLY needs to be the end of the Cole/Lawler thing, and never again shall we speak its name. Cole could win the actual match, and then Swagger’s face turn and the Kharma beat-down could come post-match. Either way, if Kharma turns out to be working with Cole, the end of the world WILL come, but not in the way that everyone thinks.
Jerry “The King” Lawler def. Michael Cole in a Kiss My Foot Match
How long is this review taking me? I’ve got Monday Night RAW on tap to watch already. Cole comes out to the ring in his regular clothes instead of his stupid orange singlet (no offense, @OfficialTAZ!). He wants our attention. He reads a prepared statement that says he’s medically prohibited from competing tonight. He says there’s nothing he’d rather do than stick his foot in Jerry Lawler’s mouth tonight. Sounds like some kind of weird fetish. Basically, Cole’s explanation is that his Athlete’s foot is infected. He hands the doctor’s note to the referee, who proceeds to rip it up and ring the bell! King gets ahold of Cole and starts wailing away on him, then tearing his suit off. Seriously, feet in mouths, tearing off clothes… what the HELL am I watching? Cole manages to turn the tide by suckering Lawler in and then ramming him face first into the steel steps, then tossing him into the guardrail. Cole takes his shoe off. Apparently he doesn’t realize he has to, y’know, win the match first. His foot looks completely rank. Lawler takes that foot, punches Cole in the gut, then tosses him through the Cole Mine. King rolls Cole back into the ring, and hits the diving fist from the middle rope. He pins Cole, and this match is over!
King takes his boot off, and then Eve comes out. She hits Cole with a moonsault. King signals that he’s got one more thing for Cole. That one more thing is GOOD OL’ JR! Jim Ross is here! JR takes out a bottle of BBQ sauce and pours it all over Cole and down his throat. Cole takes off up the ramp, as Lawler points out that his foot has yet to have been kissed. Cole says “not like this!” At the top of the ramp, he grabs a microphone and says that he didn’t lose. He’s no loser. Jerry Lawler is a loser. JR is a bigger loser, and all the fans are all losers. Because no matter what Lawler’s done or will do, Cole hasn’t, and never will, kiss King’s foot. Bret Hart’s music hits, and the Hitman backs Cole to the ring, tosses him in, and locks him in the Sharpshooter! King uses the opportunity to stick his foot right in Cole’s mouth!
Promo for Orton’s movie. FFW. Promo for this next match. FFW. The Miz gets his AWESOME! inflatable from WrestleMania back for his entrance. Cena doesn’t get anything special, so with his entrance, FFW!
BWF Staff Predicts: WWE Championship: The Miz vs. John Cena
ThinkSoJoE: Isn’t it painfully obvious that Cena is going over? I don’t even need to get into it, since he’s already got a couple of feuds looming on the horizon after he’s finished with The Miz.
G: Will Super Cena ever say “I quit?” and how could that actually happen? I’ve heard two ideas that might work. One is using a prerecorded Cena saying “I quit,” which he said at least three times in promos on Monday. This would require Alex Riley tossing the Miz a cell phone or mini cassette player and used deviously in the ring. A bit far fetched though.
Another decent idea, is to have Riley and/or Miz threaten to injure one of the CeNation fans if Cena doesn’t quit. Make it a kid in the audience or something along those lines. This could work too… but…
Cena wins. I hate this outcome, but Cena wins. The other ideas are far better… but… Cena wins. Dammit.
JT: John Cena has never said “I Quit” in an “I Quit” match. Is it time, yes it is but in WWE land, it isn’t so he won’t, Cena retains.
Drowgoddess: Whatever mischief the Miz attempts backfires, and Cena wins, retaining the title and the bragging rights. Look, it isn’t “Cena-bashing” to point out that Cena is rarely in physical danger, rarely truly concerned about losing, and rarely seems to have any drama whatsoever attached to his matches. I could accept his predictable victories more easily if they required effort from him. They usually don’t.
John Cena def. The Miz to retain the WWE Championship
The Miz takes the mic and laughs about the fact that Cena chose an I quit match. Miz can do whatever he wants, as long as he gets Cena to say I quit. Oh yeah, and so can A-Ry. Miz offers Cena a freebie. Cena can say he quits, and save himself a long night of pain. Cena says “Hell no,” and The Miz and Riley attack, but Super Cena dominates the two of them. A-Ry finally gets the jump on Cena as he’s attacking The Miz, and the duo take over control of this match, albeit briefly before Cena takes over again. Anybody want to know why the IWC calls him “Super Cena?” Watch this match. Miz escapes an AA, then nails the Mizard of Oz. he goes for the Skull Crushing Finale and winds up eating an AA instead. A-Ry assaults Cena with the briefcase that he’s still inexplicably carrying around. A-Ry and The Miz finally seem to be in complete control of this one as they double powerbomb him, but he says “No.” I see the RAW GM podium in the background. Crap. Miz starts tearing apart various objects around ringside to use as weaponry. He rams him into the exposed security barricade, then Miz and A-Ry assault him with the broadcast monitors, but Cena still says “no.” Then he clotheslines A-Ry and tries to mount a comeback, but The Miz whips him into the steel steps. Miz DDTs Cena on the steel steps, and demands Cena say it, but Cena says “no” again. Miz says that A-Ry has the steel steps, and will slam them into Cena’s ribs, and that he suggests Cena quits. Cena says “go to hell,” and Riley proceeds to make good on Miz’s promise. Cena still says “no.” Miz breaks out a kendo stick, and A-Ry holds Cena prone for Miz, who proceeds to explain that he has a weapon, and asks Cena to say he quits. Cena says Miz hits like a girl. Miz decides to prove otherwise by swinging the Kendo stick directly into Cena’s ribs. Cena’s screams don’t sound like Miz hits like a girl, but he still won’t quit. Miz nails Cena several more times with the Kendo stick, and demands that Mike Chioda ask Cena again. Cena moans in pain but still says “no.” Miz cracks Cena in the skull with the Kendo stick, and Cena still says “no.” This is a brutal match so far. Miz and Riley ram Cena into the guardrail and continue their assault up the ramp. Miz suplexes Cena on the stage. Cena screams in pain, but he still says “no.” Miz is dominating here. He boots Cena in the face, and Cena rolls off the stage, which is only a few feet up, but still. Cena hesitates to answer this time, but still, the answer is “no.” Miz and Riley set Cena up on the camera boom, and Miz takes the belt from a worker. He tells Cena that he has a leather strap, and that he’s going to repeatedly whip Cena. This will hurt twice as much as the Kendo stick. He offers Cena the chance to say I quit. Cena says “you got a leather strap, but you got no nuts.” That was a very PG thing to say. Miz whips Cena, but Cena still says “no.” A-Ry heads back toward the ring, as Miz drags Cena in the same direction. Cena starts to fight back, avoiding an A-Ry chairshot, but eating one from The Miz. Miz rolls Cena back into the ring and grabs the chair again. He misses, and Cena starts wailing away on Miz like a house of fire. A-Ry gets tossed into Mike Chioda, but Miz hits a reverse DDT on Cena. Miz sets the chair up in a different way than I’ve seen before – open, and between the top and middle ropes – and nails the Skull Crushing Finale right through it! A-Ry grabs the mic, and Miz tells Cena to say it. Cena says “no” again. Miz says maybe he needs to ask somebody else if Cena won’t listen to The Miz. Cena asks a kid if he wants to see Cena go through any more pain, the kid says never. Miz says to watch what he’s doing to Cena – Miz nails Cena with the mic. Miz asks the kid if he wants to see Cena ever again. Miz tells the kid to tell Cena to quit, and the kid says “no.” Miz hits Cena in the head with the mic again, then wedges Cena in the exposed part of the guardrail. Miz explains that he’s stuck and helpless. Miz is going to take the steel chair and beat it repeatedly, non stop, until Cena says he quits. Miz suggests Cena save himself by quitting now. Miz says Cena can’t win this match. Miz won’t stop until Cena says the magic two words. Cena says “those kids are smarter than you are.” Miz hits the guardrail, but we’re supposed to think he hit Cena. A-Ry demands Cena say I quit. Cena says it in a very raspy voice, and The Miz is the new WWE Champion! The referee finds a cell phone on the ground by Cena as he goes to get the belt for The Miz. He listens to the phone, and tells Mark Yeaton that this match is not over. Miz demands his title, and the referee plays back the same “I quit” we just heard over the loudspeaker. Chioda tells Miz this match will restart right now. Miz holds Cena up, but A-Ry misses Cena and hits Miz with the WWE Championship. A-Ry gets an Attitude Adjustment through the announce table, effectively ending his participation in the match. Cena sees a vulnerable Miz and gets a grin on his face as he takes off his belt. Cena whips The Miz all the way up the ramp. Miz runs backstage, but Cena drags him back out onto the stage and locks in the STF – and The Miz quits!
John Cena celebrates with the WWE Championship, although he can barely stand. I’m just wondering where A-Ry was hiding his cell phone during the match. Alright, now that I’ve been completely disappointed by a majority of last night’s PPV, I’m off to watch RAW. Goodnight, folks!
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