Here we go again. Another Monday, another RAW that I have to leave for work in the middle of a great segment involving Daniel Bryan. But we’ll get to that later. There’s other stuff that happened first. Let’s see how much I can remember and how much I actually have to re-watch. Which might be a lot since I had in-laws over while RAW was on. Let’s go!
I watch RAW. I press “enter” to add line breaks, and they mysteriously vanish by time I read the review on BWF Radio. Meanwhile, I make no money doing this, and I’m flat broke until payday. If only I could come up with a way to generate some money…
Hulk Hogan kicks off RAW, Dude Brother, and he’s got an idea for WrestleMania, Jack. He wants to honor the memory of Andre The Giant by having a 30 Man over-the-top-rope Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal. John Cena wants in. Bray Wyatt says Cena amuses him, since pride has always been his favorite sin. He says that if Cena looks up at him, then they’re friends. If he looks down on him, they’re enemies. But if he looks him in the eye, he’ll see God. Cena says all he sees is a homeless dude whose spent too much time wasting away in Margaritaville.
Cena faces Erick Rowan, who holds his own with Cena, but in the end it’s Cena who rolls up Rowan for the victory, much to the delight of Hulk Hogan, who does his classic poses after the match. The Wyatts tease attacking, but get down off the apron instead.
Stephanie McMahon and Triple H come out to the stage. They showed Daniel Bryan last week what happens when you mess with The Authority. They could fire Bryan, but they instead offer an apology. They recognize there’s value in the Daniel Bryan brand, and as long as Bryan publicly apologizes to them tonight, he won’t be fired.
The New Age Outlaws are on commentary as RybAxel take on The Usos. Nothing to write home about – but then again, why are you going to write home about professional wrestling anyway? In any event, the Usos did their suicide dive/Superfly splash combo for the victory.
Kane scolds The Shield for losing to the Wyatts. Twice. Rollins rebuts by pointing out that Kane lost to Daniel Bryan last week. Twice. Kane gives them a chance to prove themselves as Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins take on the Rhodes brothers later on tonight. Dean Ambrose says they’ll exorcise that demon tonight. Reigns says just like any other demon that steps in their way.
Big E faces Jack Swagger. Again. Zeb Colter tries to get Cesaro to interfere, but he refuses. Swagger questions why, and Big E rolls him up for the victory. After the match, The Real Americans get in each other’s faces. Colter orders them to shake hands. They do, but Cesaro squeezes down on Swagger’s hand and won’t let go.
The Undertaker makes his entrance, but is surprised to find Paul Heyman staring him down from the ramp as he enters the ring. Heyman points out that Shawn Michaels has never won two consecutive WrestleMania matches. That Triple H got to two but never three. Hulk Hogan managed three, but not four. Stone Cold Steve Austin had four straight wins, but never five. The same can be said for John Cena, but The Undertaker has won 21 consecutive WrestleMania matches. Therefore, he urges Undertaker to call off his match with Brock Lesnar, because Lesnar will conquer the streak. Undertaker tells Heyman to tell Lesnar that the fear of death is far greater than the death itself, but the fear of the unknown is the greatest fear of all, and at WrestleMania, if Brock Lesnar shows up in New Orleans, he will rest in peace.
Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins of The Shield take on Cody Rhodes and Goldust. Tomorrow on Main Event on the WWE Network, Ambrose will defend the United States Championship against Mark Henry. The Rhodes brothers hold their own, but in the end, The Shield work together to pick up the win as Rollins catches Cody Rhodes out of the disaster kick and powerbombs him into the turnbuckle, then gives him the Blackout for the victory. The Shield stand together, united.
The Bella Twins take on AJ Lee and Tamina Snuka with Natalya on commentary. Natalya has a shot at AJ’s Diva’s Championship tomorrow night on Main Event. Just in time for Season 2 of Total Divas on the E! Network. An overconfident AJ costs herself the match as she showboats while trying to put the Black Widow on Nikki Bella, but gets it reversed into the Rack Attack, scoring the pin. Nikki takes the WWE Divas Championship and holds it over her head as Natalya looks on.
Renee Young interviews LL Cool J and Chris O’Donnell – which is an exercise in proving that LL Cool J and Chris O’Donnell are not wrestling fans.
Daniel Bryan makes his way to the ring. He says NO to apologizing to the Authority. He says that it’s time to occupy RAW. He’s not leaving until he gets what he wants – and he’s not alone. He invites members of the YES Movement into the ring – and what looks to be about 100 people in Daniel Bryan t-shirts fill up the ring and the ringside area. The Authority come out and demand that the people leave their ring. Bryan says if Hunter wants them to leave, they will take the all the people in the arena with them, go outside, set up their own ring, and RAW can go on with an empty arena. They try to send security to kick them out, but the two security guards tell him there’s nothing they can do. Bryan tells Stephanie that she doesn’t own any of this, “WE OWN THIS RING!” Triple H says it ends now. He calls for the next match. Damien Sandow’s music hits. Sandow walks down to the ring and asks the fans to move – but they refuse. Bryan invites him to join the YES Movement. Sandow leaves, much to Triple H’s chagrin. Stephanie screams at Bryan to get out. Bryan refuses to leave until “we get what we want,” a match between Bryan and Triple H at WrestleMania. Triple H says the truth is, he likes Bryan. He saw something in him, so he’s tried to protect him from everything that would happen if he were successful. He wouldn’t fight Bryan at WrestleMania because Triple H will end him. He finally accepts Bryan’s challenge. Bryan says he misspoke earlier. That’s not all he wants. As much as the people want Bryan to fight Triple H at WrestleMania, they really want to see him fight for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. So what they really want, is if Bryan beats Triple H at WrestleMania, he gets added to the main event, making it Randy Orton vs. Batista vs. Daniel Bryan. Triple H tries to run to the ring, but security stops him. Triple H says he gets his deal, and he’ll end it at WrestleMania. I wonder if this will sway G’s stance on WrestleMania at all.
Jerry “The King” Lawler is in the ring in Memphis! He’s here to announce the stipulation voted on by the WWE Universe for Christian vs. Sheamus. The choices were Falls Count Anywhere, 2 out of 3 Falls, and a Memphis Street Fight. I voted for the eventual winner, a Memphis Street Fight. I quite honestly hope this doesn’t wind up being a match at WrestleMania. This is the second or third match between these two and I don’t think that makes a good WrestleMania build. Christian drops Sheamus with a tornado DDT off the stage and on to the floor. Several gimmicked guitars were destroyed during the filming of this match. Sheamus’ back gets destroyed by a Singapore cane. Meanwhile, JBL accuses Jerry Lawler of being in cahoots (I love that word. CAHOOTS!) with Daniel Bryan to get the security and police to not show up to break up the #OccupyRAW movement. Lawler neither confirms nor denies the allegations. This match is surprisingly watchable. Sheamus picks up the win with a Brogue Kick through a cheap bass drum.
Brad Maddox is backstage trying to calm down Batista and Randy Orton, who are angry about the possibility of Daniel Bryan being added to their match at WrestleMania. The Authority have left but Maddox says they told him to relay the message that Batista and Orton have to get along and set their differences aside to take care of Daniel Bryan tonight in their tag match.
Lana comes out and cuts a promo, and Alexander Rusev comes out and cuts a promo, and nobody gives a shit because we don’t fucking speak Bulgarian.
Bray Wyatt and The Wyatt Family cut a promo backstage. Harper tells Cena he’s made a big mistake. Wyatt says he sees Cena’s future in Hulk Hogan, so self absorbed that he refuses to let it go. Wyatt says Cena is every bit a monster as he is. Wyatt has a thousand faces and a million names. He accepts Cena’s challenge for a match at WrestleMania, but Cena should remember that he is the one with everything to lose. His time is up, and Wyatt is forever. Wyatt sings “Time Is On My Side.”
Daniel Bryan teams with The Big Show again to take on Batista and Randall Keith Orton. Team Bad Tattoos (I’m talking Orton’s tribals, not his skulls) work well together early on while keeping Bryan away from his corner. Even after Bryan gets a tag to Big Show, their teamwork keeps them in control. Batista tries for a Batista Bomb on Big Show, but it bombs, much like Batista has since he came back. Bryan gets the tag and brings momentum back to his team. Orton avoids the flying headbutt, but not the YES lock, but Batista breaks that up. Show boots Batista in the face, but gets an RKO for his trouble. Orton looks to hit the RKO on Bryan, but Bryan sidesteps a Batista spear, sending him into Orton. Orton avoids TMTBJC, then drops Bryan with the elevated DDT. Bryan counters the RKO into a backslide for two, then hits TMTBJC to win the match for his team! Momentum for Bryan heading into WrestleMania?
Thoughts: Back on track? More than anything right now, I’m curious to get G’s thoughts on WrestleMania now that we’ve got the in for Daniel Bryan. I guess we’ll get those Sunday at 2PM Eastern on BoredWrestlingFan Radio!
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