No wisecracks or jokes to start this week’s RAW review. WWE has dedicated tonight to honoring the memory of Warrior, and out of respect for Warrior, I will save such nonsense for the performers on the show. For what it’s worth, the autopsy results are in, Warrior died of heart disease. While the investigation is still ongoing, it should be noted that the initial reports say natural causes, so no matter what some TV talking head would have you believe, Warrior’s death did not involve drugs or alcohol.
Monday Night RAW starts with the entire roster present in the arena standing on the stage, many of them in Warrior t-shirts. WWE plays a video package on the life and career of Warrior, followed by a ten bell salute. Very beautiful. But don’t take my word for it. Watch it for yourself. I promise you, it’s worth your time.
Tonight, we’re starting a tournament to determine the number one contender for the WWE Intercontinental Championship. The first match pits Alberto Del Rio against Rob Van Dam. Pretty solid match, with Del Rio working over the arm of RVD, but in the end, RVD pulls ADR down from the ropes then hits the Five Star Frog Splash for the victory, advancing in the tournament.
We see clips from last week of The Shield coming to the aid of Daniel Bryan.
We’re shown Warrior winning the Intercontinental Championship from The Honky Tonk Man at SummerSlam 88.
Backstage, Triple H is explaining to Batista and Orton that they have a problem with The Shield. He reiterates that the three of them are unstoppable when they’re on the same page. Batista is skeptical. All he wants to do is be Champion, as does Orton. They tell Triple H he’s on his own with The Shield.
Cody Rhodes and Goldust take on Curtis Axel and Ryback. Despite the fact that Cody and Goldy are in this match, it’s still one of those matches that doesn’t engage you that well. The fans spend their time cheering for the announcers, and in the end, RybAxel winds up winning the match when Axel dumps Goldust to the floor, catches a Disaster Kick, but Ryback drops Cody with the Meat Hook out of mid air for the victory.
We get another vignette for Bo Dallas’s impending arrival to the main roster. Do you BoLieve? Because I sure as hell don’t.
Hey, speaking of NXT stars on the main roster, the WWE Divas Champion, Paige is in action! Her opponent in this contest is Alicia Fox, who actually controls most of the match, but Paige battles back and ultimately winds up picking up the tapout victory with the Scorpion Cross Lock. Sick finisher. Loved it when she broke it out against Emma on NXT ArRIVAL, love it now.
Millions of male wrestling fans simultaneously impressed and aroused by Paige's finisher.
— Kayfabe News (@KayfabeNews) April 15, 2014
Last week on RAW, Randy Orton and Batista beat down The Usos just for the hell of it. So this week, The Usos wanted a rematch. The WWE Tag Team Champions come out with each of their faces half painted like Ultimate Warrior. This match starts off as more of a straightforward tag team wrestling match, but when Orton tries to start taking it to one of the Usos on the outside, The Shield attack Orton. They take him out, then surround Batista. Batista does what he can to hold off The Hounds of Justice, but catches a Reigns Superman Punch before Orton can pull him from the ring.
We re-live WrestleMania VI, The Ultimate Challenge, where Warrior won his first and only WWE Championship.
Backstage, Triple H runs into Batista and Orton, shakes his head, says “told you,” and walks away.
Paul Heyman is best known as the advocate for the man who conquered The Streak, Brock Lesnar. He pounds that point home for a couple of minutes, then introduces his newest client, The King of Swing, Cesaro. Cesaro’s opponent in the opening round of the Intercontinental Championship Tournament is The World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry. Cesaro dominates this match, and he emphasizes that domination by hitting the Neutralizer on the 400-plus pounder for the victory.
Lana introduces Alexander Rusev, who makes short work of Xavier Woods. Have I mentioned that you can get your Xavier Woods Power Rangers t-shirt at Booker Tees? R-Truth gets in Rusev’s face after the match, and he gets taken out with a big kick for his trouble.
Ultimate Moments: Warrior defending the WWE Championship against the late Ravishing Rick Rude inside a steel cage at SummerSlam 1990.
Jack Swagger takes on Sheamus in another first round match in the Intercontinental Championship tournament. I’m sure you know how this one went. The former WWE and World Heavyweight Champion who’s gotten a megapush against the perennial mid-carder who had a less than memorable run as World Heavyweight Champion? Brogue Kick. But Swagger did a lot of damage to Sheamus’ ankle during the match, so despite the victory, he can barely walk out of the arena.
We get another vignette for Adam Rose, whose theme music is now my ringtone.
Damien Sandow is in the ring, saying he’s the most deserving person in the WWE. Big Show comes down to the ring, but Sandow doesn’t stop talking during his entrance, claiming he is not going to be silenced. Show kicks back in the corner while Sandow gets some things off of his chest. Eventually he gets in Big Show’s face, and gets knocked out for his trouble.
Birmingham… We’re here. Bray Wyatt says society is a vile and putrid thing. We see what they want us to see and feel what they want us to feel, but Bray is different. You may call him whatever you want, but he has never lied to you. John Cena, on the other hand, has made a career out of lying to you. Cena is no man, he is beast. Wyatt has Cena right where he wants him. All Cena needs is one last little push over the edge. Wyatt does not wish to slay this monster. Right now he wants it to come out and play. Cena says the last thing anybody wants is for him to get another push. He just wants to have fun. Cena looks at the Family, and thinks if he can get them to happy hour, they’d be the life of the party. Erick Rowan probably has jokes for days, and Luke Harper would go streaking throught he quad, and as for Wyatt, he’s secretly a ladies man. Cena wonders if Abigail is real or not, Cena has found her on MySpace. He shows a picture of Bray Wyatt in a bonnet and kerchief. So Cena wonders what Wyatt’s Mom looks like, and he found her on Tinder. It’s Luke Harper’s head on an older lady’s body. TMZ got Cena the first ever photos of the Wyatt Family’s baby girl – it’s Erick Rowan’s head on a baby. Wyatt says Cena is hysterical. All Cena knows is how to make jokes about any serious threat. Cena says that when John Cena gets serious, Bray Wyatt gets beat, and that he found that out at WrestleMania. Cena says if he wants it, he’s got it. What happens if Wyatt loses again? Now Wyatt is the desparate man. Cena offers a serious challenge – at Extreme Rules, Wyatt faces him inside a steel cage. Wyatt likes that. He and Cena are playing catch with knives, and it’s only a matter of time before somebody gets stuck, and how can Cena be 100% sure it won’t be him? He’s got the whole world in his hands.
Oh boy, here we go again. Santino and Emma in mixed tag team action against Fandango and Layla. Because Fandango dumped Summer Rae over Twitter because they lost a mixed tag match to Santino and Emma two weeks ago. FFW! Emma gets distracted by Santino taking out Fandango, and Layla pulls her off of the second rope and pins her for the victory.
Backstage, Stephanie McMahon gives Kane a performance review, saying his job performance has been less than satisfactory as of late. Kane apologizes, but Stephanie didn’t want to hear it. She berates him. He says he doesn’t feel like she’s being objective. She questions what happened to the big red monster who made children cry? Kane stands up and gets in her face, then looks at his old mask on display in the glass case behind them for a moment, then takes it out. He says he’ll eviscerate Daniel Bryan and send him to the depths of hell.
Another Bo Dallas vignette. You can’t spell challenge without change, yadda yadda yadda.
This week on WWE Network, it’s Warrior Week. Every night at 10PM Eastern, we’re celebrating Warrior. Tuesday, Warrior’s Greatest Matches. Wednesday, WrestleMania Rewind – Hogan vs. Warrior. Thursday, Warrior Biography: Ultimate Legend. Friday, WWE Legends of WrestleMania. We’re then shown Warrior’s last public appearance, last week on Monday Night RAW.
We get another vignette for the Adam Rose Experience. He beat the bunny in Hungry Hungry Hippos. Just another day in Adam Rose’s world!
Dolph Ziggler takes on Wade Barrett. I hate the last match in tournament rounds. You know the winner of this match is going to take on a face in the next round, so you can virtually assume the winner is going to be Bad News Barrett. Ziggler holds his own, but Barrett has some bad news – Ziggler gets tossed face first into the ringpost on the outside. Ziggler starts battling back, but he misses the Famouser, and gets caught with Wasteland – but he kicks out at two. Dolph escapes a pumphandle slam and gets another two count off of the Famouser. After a little more back and forth, and several near falls for both men, Barrett scores with the Bull Hammer and picks up the pinfall victory. Barrett is afraid he’s got some bad news – he is your next Intercontinental Champion.
We get a vignette of the monster that is Kane (which I posted above).
Earlier in the evening, WWE COO Triple H instructed RAW GM Brad Maddox to inform The Shield that they were in the main event, but opted to keep their opponents a secret. That’s never mattered to The Hounds of Justice, however, and they make their way to the ring for their match. Alberto Del Rio is sent out first. He’s follwed by Jack Swagger. Then Fandango, then 3MB, then Titus O’Neil, then RybAxel, Alexander Rusev, and Bad News Barrett. The Shield don’t back down at all. It’s 11-on-3 and The Shield don’t back down. They start by dragging Heath Slater in the ring and trapping him in their corner. Barrett finally breaks up a pin and allows McIntyre to get the tag in. Seth Rollins gets caught in the wrong corner, and frequent tags are utilized. Ryback throws Rollins to the floor, then as he goes out, he gets speared by Roman Reigns. The whole thing breaks down into chaos, the referee calls for the bell, and The Shield are standing tall in the ring as 11 men are on the floor. The numbers game finally starts to catch up with The Shield. All eleven men beat down The Shield, and Evolution’s music hits. Orton, Triple H, and Batista stand on the stage looking at the carnage, and with The Shield softened up, Evolution decide to come down and get a piece for themselves. The other eleven men leave, and as Rollins is the first one getting to his feet, he’s the first one to be assaulted by Evolution. Reigns tries to rally, but he gets an RKO for his trouble, followed by a Batista Bomb. Rollins starts to stir again, and once again gets beat down. An RKO, followed by a Batista Bomb. Dean Ambrose tries to stop it, but to no avail. Ambrose gets the Batista Bomb into the RKO, much like Bryan got at WrestleMania. Triple H takes the microphone as Reigns starts to crawl toward him. Orton and Batista hold him up as Triple H tells him to believe in Evolution before dropping Reigns with a Pedigree. RAW ends with three guys who have overstayed their welcomes standing over the young, popular talent. What else is new.
Thoughts: Hey look. Orton, Triple H, and Batista are standing over the fallen indie hero(es) to end Monday Night RAW! What a novel concept! Ugh. I’m done. Goodnight.
Like this post? Subscribe to our RSS Feed today and never miss another!