Once again, stream of consciousness on WWE RAW by ThinkSoJoE.
Triple H making fun of John Cena’s hip hop past: priceless. John Cena getting the cover of WWE 2K15? Worthless. Hopefully they’ll do a fan art cover again this year too so I don’t have to look at Cena every time I want to pop in the game.
I left the room before the Seth Rollins/Rob Van Dam match to get ready for work – and when I came back I knew who Rollins was facing simply because Hartford was chanting ECW. Rollins called Renee Young “Toots.” Who uses that word anymore?
Let me let you guys in to the mind of ThinkSoJoe. I’m fully anticipating a feud down the line between Rusev and Adam Rose, where two of the Rosebuds are dressed as a moose and a squirrel, and Lana and Rusev kidnap them, just to give the inevitable “Moose and Squirrel” promo that these two make me think of every time they open their mouths.
Did I just see a Jack Swagger face turn? ZEB COLTER WITH THE ROCKY & BULLWINKLE REFERENCE! “Let’s go Swagger?!?” Holy shit, this is the most relevant the former World Heavyweight Champion has ever been – and he sends Rusev packing! WE THE PEOPLE!
By the way, who called the Usos retaining at Money In The Bank on BWF Radio 132? Oh that’s right. I DID! As much as I hated to do so. The Wyatt Family defeat The Usos and Sheamus.
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but the Bo Dallas experiment is actually working this time around.
“We actually had a handicapped match a few weeks ago between the Divas. Glad you follow the product.” Cole calling JBL out for not following the product. I’d be surprised if ANYBODY in this company follows the product. Credit where it’s due – Naomi has really worked hard at learning how to wrestle. Let’s face it, Trish Stratus didn’t know shit when she started either.
How about that Vacant? He lost the WWE World Heavyweight Championship last night, but he won the Intercontinental Championship tonight! Go Vacant!
Cesaro is Battle Royalty. Gotta love Paul Heyman. Wait a second. A match finished during the commercial break – and it was Kofi Kingston defeating Cesaro?!? Oh well, at least Cesaro beat him down after the match. And how much does Kofi mean to… well… anybody at all? Nobody comes out to save him.
Nobody likes Santino either, since nobody shows up to his party. At least not until Adam Rose brings the alcohol. Because our PG show’s primary demographic are those who can drink Twisted Tea.
Vince Mc-Fuckin-Mahon?!? Holy shit! The boss is here, look busy! Oh wait… it’s Damien Sandow. His VKM impersonation is actually not terrible. Or at least his JT McMahon impersonation. Hey JT, I’d watch it with the Vince McMahon impersonations, Stephanie might sick Khali on you.
Hey Facebook. I know it’s my own damned fault for going on social media before watching the show – but if Chris Jericho wasn’t TRENDING I wouldn’t have seen anything about his return. So thanks for the spoiler, dicks! Wait – the fucking Miz? Wait – he’s in The Marine 4? There was a Marine 3? Who the fuck cares? Oh, nobody does – because The Miz was in THAT one too. You know, if Facebook didn’t fucking SPOIL this for me, I probably would be genuinely excited and surprised to see Y2J interrupt this segment. Though I AM genuinely surprised and excited to see The Wyatts interrupt! Actually, didn’t Jericho have some interaction with the Wyatts on NXT?
Wow. Ziggler won two matches in the span of three weeks? Of course, he can thank Summer Rae for coming in and making out with him for this one.
“We’ve had some RAW so far, and it ain’t even close to being over.” Don’t remind me, Jerry.
RybAxel. Let me guess. They’re facing Goldust and Stardust? Oh hey, I was right. Imagine that. I saw this match last night. Except Axel isn’t wearing the singlet this time. Oh look, Goldust and Stardust won. Imagine that.
The Diva’s Champ is here! Paige says she’s here to stay. But she’s interrupted by AJ Lee! Holy shit! AJ congratulates Paige, who’s not buying it. Paige says AJ’s not getting her rematch right now. Basically we’re getting the tables turned from the night after WrestleMania. Wait. Why am I doing play by play? And of course, we inevitably get the match. AJ gets the rollup – and we’ve got a new Diva’s Champion! Guess Paige was just keeping the belt warm for her while she took her hiatus. Also, I guess this puts to rest the “AJ’s pregnant” rumors, huh?
I really don’t give a shit about this main event. FFW! Let’s go ahead and end RAW with Triple H and Kane standing over a fallen John Cena. At least it’s not one of OUR guys for once. OH SHIT! Triple H calls for Seth Rollins! True to his word though, Dean Ambrose stops Rollins! And Reigns takes out Kane, because we can’t end the show with Super Cena unconscious at the feet of The Authority.
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