Home ▸ Drowgoddess ▸ “Impact” Impressions 1/29/09

In theatre, there’s a concept called “actorbation.” It’s not in any dictionary, it’s just a term that we use. It refers to those occasions when a performer does something, often in a leadership capacity, that benefits only himself, or makes him look good at the expense of others. Anyone who has ever taken an acting class or workshop has probably encountered instructors who present the most preposterous “training” activities that they themselves have invented, and they stroke their own egos by inflicting those activities on unsuspecting students. Sometimes it refers to self-centered performers who do things in the context of their performances that make them look good or feel important, but don’t help the show. Actorbation is a very selfish thing, and anyone with two functional brain cells to rub together does not care to be around people who engage in it.

This week’s “Impact” was one giant circle jerk of actorbation. Forgive the sexually explicit nature of my imagery, but I’m not writing for twelve-year-olds. The most powerful people in TNA, both in front of and behind the cameras, amused themselves at the expense of the rest of the company and of everyone watching the show. Very little that took place on this show made any sense. Sure, there were some funny (for some people, myself not included) moments with Scott Steiner’s announcing and the commentary of Booker T and Kevin Nash. Those small chuckles come nowhere near balancing out the damage done to everyone not named Kurt Angle, Scott Steiner, Booker T, Sharmell, Kevin Nash, and even Sting. There’s precious little to properly review, so here are the matches:

1. The Kongtourage (Sojourner Bolt, Rhaka Khan, Raisha Saeed, and Awesome Kong) defeated ODB in a 4-on-1 handicap match. Roxxi and Taylor Wilde were kicked out of the building.   

1. Booker T defeats referees Rudy Charles and Andrew Thomas.

1. Matt Morgan defeats Petey Williams, who has one arm tied behind his back.

1. Team 3D defeats Sting by DQ in a handicap match when Angle interfered.

1. Abyss defeated Scott Steiner by DQ in a weapons match because Steiner was not allowed to use weapons and Abyss was, and Suicide made the save for Abyss.

1. Kurt Angle defeats Homicide and Hernandez (cleanly) in a handicap match.

Take another look at that list. Let it sink in. There were more and longer matches on this abomination of a show than have been had in recent memory. Why? Why did any of this happen? What good did it do for anyone not in the Main Event Mafia? How does anyone else benefit from this? Things I cannot understand include:

1. Why is it that Booker T and Kurt Angle complain publicly about a lack of faith in Jeff Jarrett’s leadership and the creative direction of TNA (hinting that they’d quit because they’re unhappy with “creative”), while they are dominating everything, both on television and backstage? They run the show and get away with doing whatever they want to do (see the Booker/Jarrett backstage confrontation), and they aren’t happy?

1. What precisely can Jim Cornette do? His power, or lack thereof, changes weekly. Why did he have to sit by and let the MEM run everything?

1. Why did the babyfaces go along with these ridiculous match stipulations? Why did these matches even happen? Where were all the babyfaces, anyway? Even if everyone didn’t get along, the numbers game alone could have helped.

1. Why did you show footage of both Jeff Jarrett and Samoa Joe competing on the U.K. tour, when you’re telling us that both guys are out with MEM-inflicted injuries?

1. When the MEM was calling the shots, they won all their matches due to outrageous stipulations. When Mick Foley came back (Jeebus, Mick, you look terrible), and the babyfaces took back the show, the MEM still won all their matches in spite of outrageous stipulations. How does this make the company look good?  

1. Why are five old and busted has-beens (legends though they may be) who are past their physical primes able to keep down so many more people of infinitely superior athletic capability? Even without Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, and Jeff Jarrett, there are enough people to make the Front Line a serious force. Look at the roster page.

1.  What has the Front Line ever done to make this a “war?”

1. Why does TNA insist on continuing to use the Suicide character? The video game bombed. No one cares about this character, and they never will, regardless of who plays him. Abyss used to be the one making the save for outnumbered or mistreated wrestlers. If he’s going to be the Monster again, why can’t he do it?

1. Why does anyone think that Shane Sewell/Booker T is going to be a draw this fast? It isn’t a bad idea, but they just started interacting. A big announcement of a ppv match seems a bit much this soon.

1. Why does Petey Williams still look exactly like Scott Steiner? His entrance video even has Steiner’s tattoo in it.

I’m going back to my “Best of the X-Division” volumes 1 and 2 dvds, my case of Ace cider, and weep. See ya next week.

Drowgoddess

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