Home ▸ Impact ▸ iMPACT Wrestling: 05/26/11

Last week, wrestling mattered. Or so we were told. Did it? Are you sure? I’m not convinced. While I liked the facelift of the iMPACT zone… Then sadly, the next day we found out that Randy Savage had tragically passed away. He will be missed. I don’t know if iMPACT matters, but there is no doubt that to wrestling, Savage mattered. They taped this episode last week, so I am unsure if there will be much mention of the Madness’ legacy although he appeared there briefly in 2004. I’m more interested in tonight, to see if they do anything about that.

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s iMPACT reviews work.

– The first thing we see is a graphic in memoriam of Randy Savage.

– Tonight’s episode is entitled: “Anderson Center Stage.”

* Street Fight Bully Ray and Tommy Dreamer vs. Christopher Daniels and AJ Styles. Wait. We’re starting with a match? Ok, good start. Things start off with action outside the ring, and AJ and Dreamer take it into the crowd. Styles hits a cross body from a balcony onto Dreamer, and sells his neck injury upon collision. Meanwhile, Daniels and Ray pull out all the garbage (cans) wrestling with weapons in the ring. After some heel dominance, Ray is tossed into Dreamer hanging suspended in a reversed tree of woe, ultimately allowing for the faces to pick up the win here.

– Hogan is shown arriving from his meetings last week with the Network.

Meanwhile, as I watch the Network’s commercials, an ad comes up for the game, “Brink.” When you see ads for games and movies long after drop day/release day, it’s generally a sign of poor sales. Almost like they are trying to remind you that you were supposed to purchase this… or see the film. In this case, no. Drop new title prices and I’ll consider it. But enough about video games, make sure you check out Wonderpod this week as Survivor Man G (Survivor Naut G) asks about one of the most famous video games of all time. Last week was Pac Man. So, what game could it be?

– Hemme tells us it’s the Scorpion Sitdown, as Anderson comes out dressed like the old WCW Surfer Sting. Why the ‘sitdown,’ you ask? Since it’s obvious that I can no longer wrestle, Have an interview segment…. ha ha! Holy shit, it’s time for Anderson to interview… wait for it… wait for it…

Who could it be?

– Disco Inferno! He’s alright here too, dressed in a suit and tie to talk about Sting. Anderson, cuts off Inferno quite a bit to start, but Inferno tells him that all of them grew up watching Sting and wanted to be like him. Hence, why they call him the icon. Anderson wants him to help him bury Sting… Inferno declines.

“Why do you refer to yourself as an asshole, when in reality… you’re just a dick?” asks Disco.

“Excuse me?”

“Did I stutter?” replies Inferno, who stands up, cuts a little boogie woogie move, calls for Anderson’s microphone from the sky and states, “I said, ‘dick’.” Anderson beats down the retired grappler, and Sting arrives to make the save as Disco lies bleeding in the ring. The blade-job was unnecessary here.

I did this once. The insurance company were total jerks about it.

– Eric Young confronts Gunner in a toilet stall of all places. Young proposes that he and Gunner have a match tonight over the belt dispute that Young wants to end with the Finger Poke of Doom a la Nash/Hogan back in 1999. Gunner agrees, but tells him that he better take the dive. It has something to do with the TV title, or something.

– Velvet Sky is out to address being attacked by the returning ODB last week… RULE TIME!

Hey hey! Look who sneaked into yet another Velvet Sky animated gif spot, Patman? Oh no! The invasion continues.

– Lot’s of awkward swearing here (just for DrowGoddess). ODB is pissed she was let go by management because she was no longer needed. ODB thinks Velvet got her fired. Velvet asks why everyone always blames her for their ills. ODB of course calls Sky a slut, more or less… silicone, etc. ODB attacks Velvet! Security breaks things up, as it looks like we’re getting a program here.

– Wayne Arnold films Bischoff talking to Beer Money who tells them that they have to defend their tag titles at Slammiversary… the problem is that Roode has his arm in a sling from the chairshot injury angle last week via Immortal. They have 30 days to recovery, or forfeit the titles… and never work here again.

– We’re shown some Xplosion clips where your Pope, my Pope, THE Pope hits on some girl in the audience who is somehow related to Devon or something. Angle talks with Morgan, they are Murphys err… pals.

No idiot. That’s not a cool way to smash your instrument on stage. Boo! BOO! Fucking keyboardists.

Ok you pianist-types. Take notes. It’s done like this:

Good one, MCA. Or this:

Ramones, ‘natch. Or even this:

* Jeff Jarrett (w/ Karen Angle-Jarrett) vs. Matt Morgan. See what I did there?

Charles Barkley @G: “No, I’m still in jail.”

G @Charles Barkley: “Sorry man, still broke. Loves yah, Barks… but still broke.”

– As Karen wails and cries ringside, Morgan works over the retired MMA expert. The two have a decent match, but nothing too special. I’d say it’s batting just over 0.500? After Morgan hits his version of a big boot, Karen heeltastically distracts the ref by tripping him with a crutch and allows her husband to pick up a win essentially.

– We saw Hogan arrive half an hour ago. He’s still walking to the ring. I think it’s time they got the brother dude brother the trolley from the old school WrestleMania that Andre the Giant used. Or at least a golf cart. It’s a long walk for a brother-dude.

Note to keyboardists: I also would have accepted the following, but you need to be on some massive amounts of LSD soaked in your bandanna. Otherwise, you fail.

– We return, as Bischoff tells us that Foley has been replaced by the Network (already?) and introduces Hulk Hogan as the new guy on the job. It’s good thing Russo is writing this shit, since this has to be a swerve. Hogan comes out all confident… ugh. Even Tenay and Taz note this point. Yawn. Foley is out to swerve this thing. Foley tells us that after Hogan left the meeting, Mick pointed out to the Network that the X-Division was what put the program on the map and he’s still the executive. In July, Foley will put together an Ultimate X show with wrestlers from all over the world.

– Hogan wants Foley to face Abyss tonight… but all is interrupted by Kendrick and Gen Me and Amazing Red. Kendrick cuts an odd promo about Reptilians (referring to Bischoff and Hogan, and Bischoff makes a visual motion to imply Kendrick was smoking the chronic. HAHAHAHA!). Kendrick wants Foley’s spot to face Abyss, and after this diatribe, that’s what we will get.

– Backstage, Winter is giving the zombie Angelina Love a backrub and talks about bringing change tonight. I… umm… what?

This never gets old.

* Non-Title Match: Mickie James {C} vs. Winter. Zombie Angelina Love enters as if she is the opponent, and Winter is accompanying her. I guess zombies respond to referees asking them to leave the ring. Love begins infecting and digesting audience members. Did we ever see Mickie versus Katie Lee in the WWE? I can’t remember. But we see it here for sure. And it’s certainly not long. Considering this was taped last week, Mickie is still hurt. She lands a decent looking DDT for the win. Post match Winter is seen bleeding from the mouth, and her zombie attacks and beats down Mickie as a result, sending her flying into the steel ring steps!

– Abyss cuts a bland interview backstage, and as he exits to leave, Kaz leaves him laid out.

Biff Tannen style, actually.

* X-Division Title Match: Abyss {C} vs. Brian Kendrick. It’s truly a shame Abyss is the current title holder for the X-Division, and that he’s in this match. If Barks wasn’t in jail, he’d toss out his “turrible” catchphrase. Kendrick wastes no time, and launches to the outside upon Abyss as we kick things off. David and Goliath time… yay? And it’s mostly that… Kendrick sells well here, as expected. As much as I hate it, Abyss wins. Sadly, the best way the company can make the X-Division title mean anything, is to have Abyss retain to Ultimate X. And sadder, is that all of the challenger matches up till then will suck. Wrestling matters.

* TV Title Match: Gunner {C} vs. Eric Young (w/ the stolen title). Finger Poke of Doom? Sort of. They reproduce the spot, but Young puts Gunner into a school boy… your new TV Champion? Eric Young. The following animated gif provides all you need to see:

Custom made for my peeps. Haven’t made on in a while.

* RVD vs. Kurt Angle. They’ve been cutting Wayne Arnold interviews all night. No point mentioning other than both put each other over as capable, worth combatants. As they should. Otherwise, why in the fuck would we watch? Certainly don’t click here if you want to watch this match. Because piracy is wrong right justified depending on which nation you are a citizen of, and supportive of the Monarch sponsoring said “pirate.” Yar?

And you thought they were slow.

– The two keep things at a nice pace to start, suggesting we’ll get about 10 minutes here. Hell, we even get a rest-hold as Angle attempts to choke out RVD. Actually, this is pretty good. Go click that link in the previous paragraph. Great spot where Angle goes for the Angle Slam, but is reversed into a DDT by RVD! I hate watching moves on Kurt’s neck… including a sick reversal by Angle on RVD from the top rope! Angle Lock! Earl Hebner is in fine form here, but RVD won’t acknowledge the pain, nor tap. Reversals! Angle pulls out a sneaky Angle Slam for a clean win? I… fuck… fine. It was clean. RVD loses. I bitch far too much about interference and non-finishes, and of course, over-booking on TNA. RVD loses clean.

The TNA logo comes up, and I’m out.

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HEY YOU! HOCKEY FAN! NOT A HOCKEY FAN? MAYBE STILL A PHILANTHROPIST?

Two friends of mine are participating in beardathon.com, which is a fundraising project for NHL fans who follow the sports’ Stanley Cup tradition of growing out their beards for the entirety of their survival in the tournament. It represents aspects of superstition, and team sportsmanship as well. And for ThinkSoJoE and Rich Flynn of Bored Wrestling Fan, it’s about helping to give back to the community of their favorite hockey team, by also growing their own playoff beards and collect money via pledge. Both men represent the Buffalo Sabres hockey club. Here’s what they are raising money for:

The Buffalo Sabres Foundation has chosen to make its primary focus to (1) assist youth hockey initiatives, (2) support children’s health and wellness initiatives, specifically those that serve the underprivileged and handicapped, and (3) provide support to non-profit organizations that provide vital services to those in need in our community.

They are having a friendly little competition between themselves, ThinkSoJoE and Rich Flynn. They are both competing for the same charity, but against each other for fun. Regardless, ALL funds donated to either will go to the Buffalo Sabres Foundation! So everyone is a winner. Please consider donating to either (or both)!

Donate to ThinkSoJoE? Click Here. Donate to Rich Flynn? Click Here.

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