Step 1: Steal a time machine
Step 2: Go back to the 1980’s and find yourself a Pogoball
Step 3: It’s hopping time, motherfuckers.
[youtube tgYzHV7Ftqc]
Let’s do this shit.
Step 1: Steal a time machine
Step 2: Go back to the 1980’s and find yourself a Pogoball
Step 3: It’s hopping time, motherfuckers.
[youtube tgYzHV7Ftqc]
Let’s do this shit.
[youtube mAhFYWxK3LU]
Back for another round!
Published on Mar 11, 2013
Broken Pencils is secretly recorded audio of meetings held between members of WWE’s Creative Writing Staff. In this episode the team discuss Jack Swagger’s main event credentials with John Laurinitis, hear a harrowing tale of their leader’s previous life as an intern and get drunk…well one of them does. Card Subject To Change.Written & Created by Lev Myskin (please visit http://www.whyalltheanger.co.uk)
Dave…Lev Myskin @WhyAllTheAnger, Brian…Colm Ahern @Colm_Ahern, Allison…Alice Arrington @AliceSArrington, Intern Joe…G @Goftheinternet, John Laurinaitis…Bad News Ramen @BadNewsRamen
Music Credits:
Opening Theme Music…Peter John Ross of Sonnyboo.comClosing Theme…Theme for Harold var3 Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/b…
From WWE.com – Triple H has thrown a WrestleMania challenge at the feet of Brock Lesnar, but will The Anomaly accept a rematch with The King of Kings at MetLife Stadium? Also, what awaits CM Punk now that his own bout with The Undertaker is set?
TONIGHT! I! ROBERT! RYTMAN! WILL! – Okay I’m sorry. Tonight I will attempt to bring you a real-time(ish) report on tonight’s Monday Night RAW. I got Triple H and Lesnar, I got Punk on Taker, and I got an upset stomach.
Here we go!
We’re opening with a tribute video to Paul Bearer, featuring a montage of his moments with Taker and a cavalcade of co-stars.
And here comes the Undertaker.
Side Note; I will be following WWE on Twitter to keep up with anything I miss, and most likely will be quoting directly from their Twitter feed.
Taker is in the ring with a small silver urn on a stand. He does the pose as William Moody’s memorial pic comes up on the tron AND C.M. PUNK JUST INTERUPTED IT!
Punk is out smiling in a gray hoodie, with a mike.
@WWEUniverse – We salute #PaulBearer 1954-2013 …. and the bell tolls … #Undertaker #RAW
Punk is out here to pay his respects to the Undertaker, and apollogize to Taker… for his loss at Wrestlemania. The one silver lining in all this is, to Paul Bearer, the Taker will always be perfect, but next week won’t be any heart-felt tributes to Paul Bearer. Next week will be a tribute to Punk breaking the streak.
Next up, Big Show v.s. Rollins.
During the break, Kane – upset with Punk’s disrespectful interuption, attempted to choke-slam him off the stage. Punk escapes and Kane rampages backstage, taking out anyone in his way.
Big Show is in the ring, and we’re recaping Show taking a Shield-Bomb from last week.
Seth Rollins makes his way to the ring through the crowd, with the Shield in tow.
The Shield@TheShieldWWE Sierra Hotel India Echo Lima Delta … @TheShieldWWE is LIVE on #RAW!! #BelieveInTheShield … Big Show soon will! #HoundsOfJustice
BIG SHOW VS SETH ROLLINS (W/THE SHIELD)
At first, Show tosses his enimes around like toys, but he’s overwhelmed by the numbers. The Shield attacks getting Show the DQ. Show fights back but the Shield leaves the Big Show lying in the ring after the triple-power bomb.
WINNER BY DQ: BIG SHOW
Backstage, C.M. Punk complains to Vicki (and Brad, her assistant,) demanding she “put a leash” on Kane’s little brother. Vicki responds by booking him in a No DQ match with Kane.
“May God have mercy on your soul.” – Vicki Gurero.
Daniel Bryan is out next for his match with Dolph Ziggler. We get a recap of last Friday when AJ Lee tried to give Bryan grief about losing the World Championship in 18 seconds.
“With Dolph Ziggler, you should be used to things lasting 18 seconds.” – Daniel Bryan
Back from break, we get a “Remembering Paul Bearer Segment,” featuring his first appearence on WWE tv, on the “Brother Love Show,” with the Undertaker. 02/16/1991
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION DANIEL BRYAN VS DOLPH ZIGGLER (W/AJ LEE & BIG E.)
As the match gets underway, Cole and Lawler at ringside, mention Bryan’s “Beard Battle” on Twitter w/@joshreddick16. Bryan is in control as Lawler compares AJ to the Wicked Witch of The West from “The Wizard of Oz,” refrencing her taking a bucket of water to the face on Smackdown last Friday. Bryan has Ziggler on the floor but Big E. steps in front of a dive attempt by Bryan as we go to break…
@WWE – Send us your tribute to the late Paul Bearer via @TOUT with the tag #PaulBearer, and we’ll use the best on-air tonight during #RAW!
We come back with Ziggler in control but not for long. Bryan is dominating Ziggler with his speed, agility, and kicks. Bryan tries a belly-to-back off the top rope, but Ziggler twists in mid-air and gets a two-count, landing on top of Bryan. Ziggler hits a hot-shot and the “fame-asser,” for two. Bryan gets in the no-lock but AJ distracts the Ref while Big E. pulls Ziggler into the ropes. Bryan has to break. After an exchange of missed shots and counter-holds, Ziggler gets the three-count with the Zig-Zag.
WINNER: DOLPH ZIGGLER
Rytman Remark: Nice to see AJ/Big E. finally figured out how the whole “distract the ref thing” works.
@BigELangston – Never trust a man with two first names…or miss an opportunity to leave him laying. @WWEDanielBryan #RAW
Ziggler gets a kiss from AJ and Big E. gets to batter Bryan with a Big E. beat-down.
@JustinRoberts – I was always a fan of Paul Bearer & everything He did @ ringside-later on,outside the ring.Thank U Friend #PaulBearer
We get a recap of the Triple H/Brock Lesnar feud going over everything leading up to Triple H’s challenge last week. Lesnar will be here tonight to answer the challenge.
@ezekielwwe – Am I allowed to admit that I was scared yet intrigued by #PaulBearer #RIPPaulBearer
WWE Slam Of The Week – Honky Tonk Man’s guitar shot on Heath Slater last week.
Brodus Clay and “Sweet T” (Tensai) are out with the Funkadactyls. Ring announcer Justin Roberts introduces Fandango, but he no-shows. Tensai grabs the mike and demands Fandango get out here.
A sexy ballroom dancer comes out, followed by AND I AM NOT DOING THE STUPID PRONOUNCIATION BIT Fandango. He calls Tensai an “abomination” and an embarrassment to everyone, even here in the Midwest, where we no nothing about the arts. He demands his name be spoken by the “sensual lips,” of Funkadactyl Naomi, saying she’s the only one with any rhythm, and she’s “better than this.” Tensai steps in and Fandango says thanks to him, we don’t get to see his debut.
Rytman Remark: So, we care about Naomi now?
Side Note: Was Naomi the one girl on the all-Diva edition of NXT that seemed to know what she was doing?
We get a trailer for the new G.I. Joe movie staring the Rock and go to break, with THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS going up against Team Rhodes Scholars after the break.
Remembering Paul Bearer – Wrestlemania XX – 2004, Paul Bearer leads Undertaker to the ring.
In the ring, we have Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes doing a parody of the NAO’s entrance in Sandow’s own signature style,
“The folowing interpritation, is brought to you by taste and good form…” – Damien Sandow
“Derh-nuh-nuh-nuh…” – Cody Rhodes
“Oh, you were not aware of this?” – Damien Sandow
“Derh-nuh-nuh-nuh…” – Cody Rhodes
“Your posterior better contact someone at once!” – Damien Sandow
“Ladies and Getlemen, young people of all genders and ages, taste and decency proudly present to you, the re-united future tag team champions and best friends, the essence of mustachioed magnificence, the intellectual savior of the masses, TEAM RHODES SCHOLLARS!” – Cody Rhodes
“And if your not… down with that, we’ve got two words for you…” – Damien Sandow
“YOU’RE WELCOME!” – Team Rhodes Scholars
The NAO come out, plaining to show them how it’s done…
“Lord have mercy, this one’s for you Percy.” – Road Dogg Jessie James
“Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, De-Generation – X, proudly presents to you, the five time WWE…TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLD! THE ROAD DOGG JESSIE JAMES! THE BADASS BILLY GUN! THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS!” – Road Dogg Jessie James
“And if you’re not down with that, well we just got two words for ya!” – Badass Billy Gun
“SUCK IT!” – The New Age Outlaws and WWE universe.
TEAM RHODES SCHOLARS VS THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS
And just as I typed that – HERE COMES THE PAIN!
Brock Lesnar is out and F-5’s both NAO’s.
NO CONTEST
Heyman has the mike.
“Brock Lesnar doesn’t play games, he hurts people.” – Paul Heyman
Heyman runs down the list of people important to Triple H that Lesnar has hurt, including Shawn Michales, Vince McMahon, and now the NAO. Lesnar will face Triple H at Mania – IF he agrees to let Brock/Heyman name the stipulations AFTER he blindly signs the contract.
“And if you’re not down with that, I got two words for ya, BRRRRRROCK LESNAR!”
We’re reminded of Punk vs Kane later tonight as we go to break.
KOFI KINGSTON VS MARK HENRY
Almost a complete job by Kingston. Henry boots Kofi out of the ring with a kick. Kofi Komes back by side-steping Henry into the post and hits the Superman punch off the steel steps. Kofi gets HUGE AIR with a body-press attempt, but get caught in the World’s Strongest Slam for the three.
WINNER: MARK HENRY
Backstage – Cody is flirting with Divas Champ Kaitlyn, when Sandow interupts, followed by THE BELLA TWINS! Apparently they’re back and Sandow has a double date set-up with them for himself and Cody. Kaitlyn bails while a Bella grabs Cody’s ATTENTION (you pervs.) Vicki walks in and tells them the date has to wait. Since their scheduled match was scratched, they’re getting a new one, against Sheamus and Randy Orton.
“You’re welcome.” – Vicki Gurerro
Ryback hits the ring as we go to break.
Rytman Remark: Do I have to blow somebody to get Page on the main roster? And the Bellas? Nice to have boyfriends in good graces with HR.
RYBACK VS HEATH SLATER
Henry comes to ringside to glare as –
WINNER: RYBACK
Rytman Remark: Seriously? Do you need anymore than that?
Drew McIntyre jumps Ryback and takes the Shell-shock as Henry storms the ring. McIntyre becomes the prop in a one-up contest as Henry/Ryback take turns bouncing him around. Henry leaves with no more than some words being exchanged.
Later tonight, Rhodes Scholars vs Orton/Sheamus, Punk vs Kane, and Alberto Del Rio vs Antonio Cesaro next!
We come back to a preview of “THE CALL,” a new WWE films release staring Halle Berry and WWE superstar David Otunga.
Cesaro is in the ring, and Ricardo is out to intro ADR.
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO W/RICARDO VS. WWE U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO
As Del Rio walks to the ring, we get a PIP promo from the World’s Champ.
“I was born in Mexico, but I was made in America.” – Alberto Del Rio
Cesaro is on the defensive until he yanks Del Rio off the ropes by the ankles. Cesaro beats ADR down but misses a charge into the corner, and Del Rio hits a flurry of offense including a tilt-a-whirl back-breaker and a Back-Stabber with Cesaro hung on the middle rope. Cesaro takes over, meeting ADR in mid air with the European Upper-cut, but Alberto gets the submission by countering a German suplex into the cross-arm-breaker.
WINNER: ALBERTO DEL RIO
Backstage, Kane is being interviewed about how tough things have been for him. Kane says nothing. He holds up the urn from Taker’s tribute, and walks off.
“SAY SOMETHING!” – A**Hole in the crowd.
Rytman Remarks: I know Kane is not Paul Bearer’s son. I know that’s an angle. I STILL SAY THE JERK IN THE CROWD WAS BEING A DICK!
We’ll get a preview of ROCK/CENA at Wrestlemania next.
Remembering Paul Bearer – 1997, Bearer introduces Kane to the WWE.
Video Package tracing the Rock vs Cena timeline going back to last year’s Wrestlemania, highlighting Cena’s and Rock’s wins at the Royal Rumble.
Orton makes his entrance as we go to break.
We come back with a recap of Lesnar attacking the NAO, setting up the tag match w/Orton and Sheamus for team Rhodes Scholars.
RANDY ORTON/SHEAMUS VS TEAM RHODES SCHOLARS
The Rhodes Scholars are in the ring and Sheamus makes his entrance. Sheamus starts out strong until Sandow pulls the top rope down, letting Sheamus spill out. Sandow and Rohdes double team Sheamus until Orton tags in and takes over. Sandow saves Rhodes from a mid-rope DDT. Orton clocks Sandow, Rhodes sends Randy into the post, and Cody takes over. Orton turns the tide with a superplex and Sheamus makes the hot tag. Rhodes takes an RKO, Sandow takes the Brouge Kick, and the “Celtic Vipers,” (as named by a fan on Twitter,) get the three-count.
WINNERS: ORTON/SHEAMUS
When we come back, Miz and Wade Barrett on “The Highlight Reel” with Chris Jericho.
During the break, Sheamus and Orton get beaten down by the Shield. Orton takes a flying knee and Sheamus takes the spear.
We get some fans on “Tout,” sharing memories of Paul Bearer.
Jericho is out for the Highlight Reel, in the sparkly jacket.
“Is this jacket working? They’re very tempremental.” – Jericho
Apparently, there was something wrong with the “Jeri-tron.”
“Did you see my magic trick? I made my Jeri-tron dissapear.” Jericho
Miz is the first guest out. Miz says it’s great to be a guest for a change. Jericho mentions his lack of furniture. Jericho plays up Miz’s success with “Marine 3,” showing a clip, when Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett comes out, with a clip of “Dead Man Down,” his feature film with Colin Firth. Barrett says THAT is a feature film. Miz does an imperssion of Barrett. Barrett insults Miz’s acting range. Miz mentions Barrett not winning match in weeks. We get into the “really” bit until Jericho chimes in with his own take.
“Ruh-hehehehehehehehe-ly.” – Jericho
“How bad is this?” – Michael Cole
Barrett threatens to drop Jericho, Jericho takes off the sparkly jacket and reminds Barrett that he help him make it through NXT and has held the Intercontinental championship a record nine-times, and threatens to make it ten. Brad Maddox comes out on behalf of the Super Hero Management team of “Briki,” (him/Vicki,) and orders Barrett to defend his title next week against the winner of a match between Jericho and Miz. Brad then asks that someone come out to clear the ring, that didn’t have anything in it.
“This could be the worst segment in RAW history.” Michael Cole.
Rytman Remarks: BURYING THE BIT DOESN’T HELP YOU JACKASS! Seriously, Cole bitches over Maddox’s lines so much you almost miss the announcement. Side Note: Is Maddox being a space cadet supposed to be a rib on someone specificly? Cause it’s a looooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng list of candidates.
JERICHO VS MIZ
We come back from break to the match. It’s kind of a rushed back and forth, that ends with Jericho side stepping Miz into Barrett, who joined the announce table. Barrett goes after both men, and gets his butt-kicked. This ends with Barrett taking the Skull-Crushing-Finale and the Code Breaker.
NO CONTEST
From there, we go to Ricardo and ADR doing a parody of Jeb Coulter and Jack Swagger’s YouTube videos. Backstage, Swagger is pissed.
Remembering Paul Bearer- 1995 – We get a bit with Paul Bearer and Mr. Fuji being grilled by one of the detectives from “NYPD Blue,” while wearing a dress. Taker’s music hits, the lights go out, and Fuji’s in the dress when they come back on.
Jack Swagger is out with Jeb Coulter. Coulter has the mike and is not in a good mood. Sin Cara is in the ring. Coulter turns his attention to Sin Cara. He accuses the WWE universe of being “programmed” to like Sin Cara and calls Cara a “Mexican jumping bean” and a “thief,” saying there’s little Sin Cara’s sneaking into our country 365 days a year. He blames us for letting it happen and says he and Swagger will speak for us if we’re too afraid too.
JACK SWAGGER VS SIN CARA
Quick match that Sin Cara actually dominates w/his fast-paced high-flying style, until he dives into a boot by Swagger. Swagger works the leg and ankle of the luchador legend and gets the win with the “Patriot Act” submission.
WINNER: JACK SWAGGER
We go to a promo for “The Call.” Halle Berry is doing press when David Otunga interrupts her with a phone call, warning her that a co-worker of his got her number after threatening him. Her next call is from KANE! He goes derpy fan-boy on her until she hangs up on him. From the interview, Halle sets off Kane’s pyro with her frustration.
“Does that mean we aren’t going on that picnic?” – Kane
We come back from break to a rewind of Kane going after Punk for interrupting Taker’s tribute.
Punk is out, followed by Kane, as we’re told Ryback will face Mark Henry on Smackdown this Friday.
C.M. PUNK VS KANE
Kane carries the Urn that was part of the act for so long. Punk scores a charging drop-kick to the outside, and goes after Kane with stomps and kicks and-
Well hello Blond in front row, black t-shirt.
MATCH! RIGHT! It’s a brawl on the outside. They hit each other with whatever they can grab. Kane throws Punk back in the ring. Punk fights off a super-plex attempt and hits and elbow off the top rope. Kane comes back and hurls Punk over the ropes.
We go to break.
We come back to the chaos. Punk slips out of Kane’s grasp and scores a hit. Kane reverses a whip and sends Punk into a chair wedged into the corner. Kane unloads on Punk with high-impact moves, and proceeds to tear the place apart, peppering the ring with chairs. Punk reverses a choke-slam attempt into a DDT on a chair and takes over. The match goes back/forth until the Taker’s bell tolls. A distracted Punk takes a choke-slam and Kane gets the three-count!
WINNER: KANE
After the match, Punk nails Kane from behind with the urn. Taker comes to the ring and runs Punk off.
Up on the stage, Punk has the urn and mocks the Takers classic pose.
Punk has the urn, Taker has a vendetta, and RAW comes to an end.
Bone Chilling….
This week on BWF Radio, the Randy Orton robot problem strikes home as G becomes “one of them.” Meanwhile, Rytman loses his mind in the Mixlr comments, revealing an obsession with lemurs. Meanwhile, ThinkSoJoE, JT, and Jorge talk wrestling. Joe reveals what you didn’t see at Old School RAW on Monday, JT tells us what we didn’t see (because we didn’t watch) on ROH this weekend, we give you the WWE Main Event results, and a SmackDown review so hilarious Joe almost cried from laughing so hard. We pay our respects to William “Paul Bearer” Moody, and read a story from a woman whose life was changed by his generosity. We also reveal the whereabouts of Zack Ryder, debate whether the @VinceMcMahon twitter account is real, and ponder what his WWE Legends contract will mean for Sean Waltman. What does the future hold for Rey Mysterio? Why does Billy Graham really want out of the WWE Hall of Fame? How much has DDP raised thusfar for Scott Hall’s medical bills? We answer all of this here on BWF Radio!
Long week, and kind of a sad one. But no need to divulge in that crap, since Smackdown is on… and frankly, I’m tired and thereby, lazy. So grab some industrial sized springs, yeah those ones with the sharp ends. Jam them into the soles of your feet and proceed to turn them into your foot until they come out of the top because it’s hopping time!
…or flippy floppy time?
Yawn.
Today I read the news: Paul Bearer passed away. I remember when I first started watching wrestling was just before Wrestlemania XII. And one of the most unique characters of that time was Paul Bearer. I was a huge Undertaker fan and still am. Out of the wrestlers I mark out for the most-Piper, Double-A, Terry Funk, Tommy Dreamer-few of them compare to the mark-out feeling I get when I see the Undertaker. The Undertaker was unique. He had one of the greatest ring presences to ever grace our screens, with respect to Flair. And when it came to aura and mystique, there were few who could touch The Undertaker, if anyone.
So why am I talking about The Undertaker when I’m reflecting on the Life of Paul Bearer? Well, it was hard to separate the two. As imposing and terrifying as the Undertaker was, Paul Bearer was the other half of him. You could not have had the Phenom Undertaker without Paul Bearer in his early days. They tried with Brother Love, but the character just missed something in the early days. It wasn’t until Paul Bearer became part of the Undertaker’s character that the character clicked. Eventually the time came for Paul to break away and the Undertaker soared, but without Paul, I’m not sure we would have seen the Undertaker we have now.
One thing that stands out to me is how Paul was able to take anything, no matter how awful and make it into something good. Let’s face it. The Impostor Undertaker storyline in ’94 is one of the cheesiest things I’ve ever seen in wrestling. (And I’ve lived through Katie Vick, Kane-Shane McMahon and The Giant falling off Cobo Hall yet winning the world title.) Yet with all the players involved-Ted DiBiase, Brian Lee, The Undertaker & Paul Bearer-they made my inner kid believe in everything going on. Take the Kane storyline. Out of nowhere Paul Bearer was revealed to be the father. As preposterous as that sounded, through that interview with Jerry Lawler where they didn’t know the camera was running, he put together all the pieces. There was his return in the mid-2000’s that caused him to be buried alive in concrete by the Undertaker himself. With respect to all involved, there wasn’t anyone who could salvage that.
The Undertaker and Paul Bearer were something special. How many times has the WWE tried the supernatural thing since then to little or no success? Mordecai? The Boogeyman? Kevin Thorn the Vampire? Countless other names I can’t remember because of their failure? Due to the stage presences of both men, they were able to make this something special and make countless dollars off this.
There were so many great memories from him. There was the aforementioned Impostor Undertaker storyline. There was the feud with Diesel where Diesel did the unthinkable. He put his hands on Paul Bearer. That was back in ’96 when things still mattered. There was the Paul Bearer turn that broke my heart for a long time. Kane didn’t have much of a shelf life. Paul helped to give him fuel that kept him around today. There was the surprise appearance at Wrestlemania XX, where I remember marking out like a little kid for seeing him again. In 2010, Undertaker once again feuded with Kane. I remember seeing turning to Smackdown (which is something I never do), and I waited for him to appear from the casket. I was like a little kid watching him over and over again.
He had so many signatures. There was the “Ohhhhhh, yyyeeeeeeesssssssss” he was so famous for. I still do that. It’s not at the same level as “Brother” or “What?” but it’s still pretty impactful. When I was telling my wife he had passed away this morning, I described him as the “Oh, yes” guy. (And yes, I did it in his voice, or my feeble attempt at his voice.) I still remember how he would say, “The urn.” Any time I hear the word urn, I immediately think about him. And that voice was so eerie and so spooky. With respect to the Macho Man, it was probably one of the most recognizable voices of his time.
I never had the chance to meet Paul Bearer. I swear I had to have seen him live a time or two. (My first ever then-WWF show had a Kane appearance that must have been around Badd Blood ’97, so I think Bearer was there. It was just a long view from where I was.) I used to follow him on Facebook and after the birth of a grandchild, there were comments congratulating him and wishing him well. He took the time to like every one’s comments, including mine. I know it may have been little, but I thought it was pretty awesome. In the pre-Attitude era and in the Attitude era, there were fewer personalities who made a bigger impact. Brother Bearer, Uncle Paul, Mr. Pringle, thank you for your time on this Earth.
We here at BoredWrestlingFan are terribly saddened to report that William Moody, better known as Paul Bearer or Percy Pringle III has passed away at the age of 58. We would like to extend our deepest condolences to his friends and family.
William Alvin Moody 1954 – 2013
Tonight is a special “OLD SCHOOL” edition of RAW, opening with the classic “The recognized symbol of excellence in sports entertainment,” graphic.
We are in Buffalo, NY at the first Niagara Center on a cold windy night, and the first thing we see is THE UNDERTAKER making an entrance. He stands on stage, raises his arms, and summons forth the WRESTLEMANIA logo. Mean Gene welcomes us to RAW w/a voice over and a montage of classic moments.
From there we go to the classic RAW opening theme w/sirens and montage. Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole are here to welcome us, Cole in an ugly mustard-yellow jacket and Lawler in the Red w/matching crown, as C.M. Punk makes his way to the ring w/Paul Heyman at his side.
Punk blames the fans for him not headlining Wrestlemania and for his not being champion. He says there’s no purpose or point in being at Wrestlemania, until he saw Undertaker. Punk says we stole from him and now he’ll steal from us by beating the Streak.
Randy Orton is out next, mentioning his win over Punk at Wrestlemania and getting “this close,” to beating Taker 8 years ago as a rookie, now he’s the most dangerous man in the locker-room and asks the fans who they would like to see face Taker at Mania, Punk or Orton?
Cue Big Show. He faced the Taker at a Wrestlemania but back then he didn’t have his big right hand punch. He makes a claim to the streak.
Cue Sheamus. He’s the only one who’s never faced or lost to the Undertaker. It’s going to take more to break the Streak. It’s gonna take a big foot, all the heart in the world, and a little bit of luck. Sheamus thinks it’s possible with the luck of the Irish on his side.
Vicki Gurrero is out. As RAW managing Supervisor, she decides to make tonight’s main event a 4-way for a shot at the Undertaker at Mania, giving the winner a chance to cement their legacy.
Tonight-Point/Counterpoint w/Rock and Cena, Triple H addresses Brock Lesnar, and Ryback faces Antonio Cesaro NEXT!
Rytman Remark: It took Big Show 20 years to figure out how to make a fist?
We come back to Cole and King offering us the chance to “Tout” about who we think Taker should face.
U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO VS RYBACK
We go to an old school Picture-in-picture promo with Antonio Cesaro. He speaks five different languages fluently while Ryback, like most of us can barely speak one, NEANDERTHAL! He follows up with a rant in Swiss.
FEED ME MORE!
Ryback makes his entrance as #old school raw trends worldwide. So far the theme is Cesaro trying to be aggressive and getting bounced around the ring, but a big boot to the face puts Cesaro in control as we go to…
BREAK
Cesaro is in control as we come back. Cesaro put up a strong fight but the match ends with Ryback reversing a Neutralizer attempt into the Shell-shock for a three-count.
WINNER: RYBACK
Rytman remark: Would be nice for Ryback to remember to put in a bid for the U.S. title. Then again it would be nice if ANYONE remembers to put in a bid for the U.S. title.
The World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry comes out for his match. There’s a stare-down with Ryback as he goes to the ring.
MARK HENRY VS ZACK RYDER
Apparently, WWE Sat. Morning Slam is looking for its own GM, and will continue the search this Saturday. Ryder, who wants the job, goes after Henry quickly and – briefly – actually puts up a decent fight before taking the World’s Strongest Slam.
WINNER: MARK HENRY
Tonight – fatal 4-way for the chance to challenge the Undertaker and the debut of FAHN-DAHN-GHOOOO!
And Dolph Ziggler, w/AJ and Big E. faces the Miz, next.
Rytman Remark: Saturday Morning Slam needs a GM because apparently WWE superstars can’t be trusted to act like wrestlers for half an hour LIKE THEY’VE DONE FOR ABOUT A YEAR!
BREAK
We come back with Miz and Dolph in the ring. Miz gets the mike (which doesn’t work) and introduces RIC FLAIR!
DOLPH ZIGGLER w/AJ AND BIG E. VS THE MIZ w/RIC FLAIR
Cole claims this makes the odds “more even,” with Flair out to neutralize things. Ziggler takes it right to Miz but is too concerned with mocking Flair, and winds up getting walloped. Kick to the face puts Ziggler outside the ring while Flair and Miz both do the strut.
BREAK
Dolph is in control when we come back. We’re reminded that Dolph will face World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio on this week’s Smackdown and possibly FAHN-DAHN-GHOO will make his debut tonight. Miz fights back, gets a near-fall. Dolph tries a small package and Miz clips the knee. Dolph fights back w/the leaping DDT and a sleeper. Miz gets free and hits a few spots before AJ climbs up on the ring. The Ref is distracted and Big E. clocks Miz. Flair whips his jacket in Big E’s face and chops him to no effect. Miz gets a kick to Big E’s head. Ziggler tries a roll-up, Miz kicks out, and catches Ziggler’s drop-kick attempt. Miz wins it w/a figure four for the submission.
WINNER: THE MIZ
Cole and King push the WWE magazine – now with multiple collectors’ edition covers.
Rock/Cena, Point/Counterpoint next
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IF YA SMELL…
WWE champion THE ROCK is in the building tonight! Rock makes his way out as #old school raw trends worldwide. Rock tells the crowd about how he just got in from Central America – 95 degrees every single day – and a woman at the airport tried to get him to wear a jacket. Rock said he had enough electricity in his body to melt anything made of ice. Then he got off the plane here…
“Sweet Harlem Shakin’ Honey Booboo it’s colllllllllld out here!” – The Rock
Rock mentions icicles on the “peoples’ nipples,” and after ten long years… FINALY, THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO BUFFALO! Rock mentions we are 34 days away from Wrestlemania… and John Cena takes that as a cue. On the mike, Cena gives Rock credit for all his conquests.
“You don’t know what it’s like…to tell the world… you have to do something, and then fail.” – John Cena
John feels worthless because he needed to win and failed. The crowd starts a “Cena sucks,” chance. John talks about Rock being responsible for his collapse and turn-around. It’s not just coincidence that Cena wins the Rumble the same night Rock won the title, and that he FINALLY beat Punk last week. It’s a chance at redemption and rewriting history. This is his second chance and Rock is getting a 34 day heads up.
“I am not throwing this chance away.” – Cena
Rock is happy to see that fire and desire in Cena, because Cena is the one man he wanted to face at Mania. Rock knows what this means to him, the salute, kissing the dog tags with his family’s names on them, his will to win, no one has that… except the Rock. Rock goes on about the connection he has with the fans in the arena, at home, all over and tells Cena…
“You ain’t getting redemption Jack, you getting your ass kicked.” – The Rock
Cena responds with a quote by the great philosopher Mike Tyson, (not the one about eating children…)
“In order to be the greatest that ever lived, you have to beat everyone living.” Mike Tyson (as quoted by John Cena.)
Cena will do just that, and at Wrestlemania Rock’s time is up, Cena’s time is now.
Rock retorts with a quote of his own…
“Winning is about heart, you just gotta have it in the right place.” – Lance Armstrong (as quoted by the Rock.)
“He was full of crap and so are you.” – The Rock
In 34 days, history will not repeat itself, and John Cena will become WWE champion.
Cena has just crystallized everything about their rivalry. Cena thinks he can beat Rock, Rock KNOWS he can beat Cena. Rock leaves promising he will beat Cena again, if you smell, what the Rock is cooking.
Fatal 4-way later tonight
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Tonight, Triple H Addresses Lesnar, Cole and King give us another look at the Taker’s appearance earlier tonight.
Jack Swagger is in the Ring w/Zeb Coulter as HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN makes his way to the ring WITH SGT. SLAUGHTER AND DUSTY RHODES!
JACK SWAGGER VS HACKSAW JIM DU-
Wait-a-minute, Swagger has Duggan’s 2 x 4, and uses it beat down (not off) all the legends. Slaughter and Dusty are left lying while Swagger locks in the Patriot Act on Duggan’s ankle. Swagger leaves a pile of broken men behind him.
NO CONTEST
Rytman Remark: The six-man team I always wanted, 20 years after the fact.
We get a quick look at “Marine 3,” staring the Miz, and Team Hell No face the Prime Time Players next.
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We get another reminder of the 4-way main event tonight, and Alberto Del Rio jumps Jack Swagger during an interview.
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS TEAM HELL NO (KANE/DANIEL BRYAN) VS THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS (TITUS O’NEAL/DARRIEN YOUNG.)
The Million Dollar Man, Ted DiBiase is in the PTP corner as a special guest, and potential manager (maybe) for the PTP’s.
Basic tag without a lot of shenanigans; Bryan looks strong against O’Neal, but is soon overwhelmed by double teaming. Kane tags in and takes over on Young. Bryan tricks O’Neal over the ropes and out of the ring. While Bryan scores a flying knee, Kane ends it with a choke-slam on Young for three.
WINNERS: TEAM HELL NO!
DiBiase spots Young a $100, stuffing the bill in his mouth. Bryan waits until no-one’s looking, and swipes it out of Young’s mouth.
Backstage, it looks like a legend is returning to Shake, Rattle, and Roll RAW tonight!
Rytman Remark: Hey, Bryan’s not the idiot tonight. Nice change of pace. Also, HONKY TONK MAN!!! HONKY TONK MAN!!! HONKY TONK MAN!!!
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We’re back with the Funkadactyls leading Brodus Clay and “Sweet T” to the ring. We get some dancing and the announcer introduces THE GREATEST INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION OF ALL TIME! THE HONKY TONK MAN! Cole and King mention this is the city where Honky beat Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat for the I-C title.
Honky is about to address the crowd when Heath Slater swipes the mike from him. Slater runs him down saying…
“You need to go back to Las Vegas w/all the other Elvis impersonators.” – Heath Slater
BRODUS CLAY/TENSAI VS 3MB (HEATH SLATER/DREW MCINTYRE)
The time you took to read this is just about all the time Tensai needed to roll up Drew for a three count.
WINNERS: CLAY/TENSAI (SWEET T)
HTM’s back in the ring to start the party, but Slater’s back in his face. Slater takes the guitar shot and we get back to the dancing.
FAHN-DAAAHN-GOH makes his debut against Kofi Kingston next!
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We come back to a look at Wade Barrett in L.A. last weekend for the premier of “Dead Man Down,” a new action thriller starring Clive Owen, in which he has a bit part.
Kofi Kingston is in the ring and announcer Justin Roberts introduces FAHN-DAAHN-GO!
Up on stage, we have a lovely little ballroom dancer doing a few steps as…he comes out. FAHN-screw it Fandango calls Robert’s pronouncing “inappropriate,” and makes him try again. After this waste of everyone’s time; Fanny refuses to debut until someone gets his name right.
“Tonight was the night that you ALMOST got to see the debut of… FAAAAAAAAHN-DAAAAAN-GHO.” – Fandango.
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We return to a replay of last week’s Heyman/McMahon “fight” that became the Triple H/Brock Lesnar fight.
After that, it’s time to play the game…
“TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!” – Lenny (Motorhead)
WWE Chief Operations Officer Hunter Hearst Helmsly – Triple H is out of the back and in the ring. Last time he stood in the ring, it was 8 days after losing to, and getting his arm broken for the second time by, Brock Lesnar at Summer-Slam. As soon as the cast was off, he was back in the gym, with no real goal. He went back to the day job, put on the suit, got a haircut, started training, and got into the best shape in years, waiting for a reason. After Lesnar put Vince – the “crazy old man” – in a hospital bed, after the hip surgery, put aside all Vince has done and the entire family crying their eyes out, Hunter smiled inside.
He had his reason, and he was ready. Lesnar thought they were done?
“Reach up on top of your head and feel those 12 staples, and you know we’re just getting started.” – Triple H
He calls Lesnar out, making reference to the cut on his head where he split Lesnar wide open, letting him know that the Ass-Kicker, the King of Kings, The GAME is back.
“Are you gonna show up and fight, or are you gonna sit there and bleed?” – Triple H
Fatal 4-way tonight
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We come back to a WWE rewind of Randy Orton vs. The Big Show last Friday on Smackdown. The match ends with run-ins by the Shield and Sheamus, and the Show clocking Reigns with the KO.
We go to a promo by the Shield. Everyone wants to make history and face the Undertaker at Wrestlemania, but in case you’ve forgotten, the Shield has yet to be beaten. The Eye of Justice is watching everybody, including the Big Show. Show got in one cheap shot. It won’t happen again.
Believe in the Shield.
WWE Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett is in the ring and Justin Roberts introduces Alberto Del Rio’s personal ring announcer Ricardo Rodriguez, who introduces World Heavyweight Champion ALBERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DEL RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIO!
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO VS WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION WADE BARRETT
Swagger and Coulter make their way out to the stage during the match. Barrett’s brawn and brawling batter down… Berto, while Alberto agitates his adversary with agility. Every time one man makes a mistake, the other takes over. Del Rio wins it with a cross-arm-breaker by submission, and stares down Swagger from the ring.
WINNER: ALBERTO DEL RIO
Del Rio faces Ziggler at Smackdown this Friday and Fatal 4-way tonight
Rytman Remark: WE GET IT! THERE’S A FOUR-WAY MAIN EVENT FOR THE RIGHT TO FACE THE UNDERTAKER AT WRESTLEMANIA! WE BELIVE YOU!
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We come back to a disclaimer, saying that the views expressed in the following video are those of Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter.
There was a time when if someone came into your house uninvited and stole something, they would call you a thief. They wouldn’t call you prejudiced. Real Americans refuse to use politically correct language, because they tell it like it is. That’s what being a real American is about. There will always be a group of people to tell it like it is. WE THE PEOPLE!
OH YOU DIDN’T KNOW!?
I THINK YOU BETTER CALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL SOMEBODYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
It’s the D-o-double-g! With the Bad B-A-double crooked letter Billy Gun, telling all the parents to lean down to their kids and tell them they’re the guys who…
“Wear your granddad’s clothes… we look incredible,” – Road Dogg
THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS VS PRIMO/EPICO WITH ROSA
This is the first match on RAW in 13 years for the outlaws. Team mo/co gets in a lot of double teaming on Road Dogg, but Billy picks up the win for his team w/the fame-asser.
WINNERS: THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS!
After the match, we get another look at the Rock/Cena promo and a tweet from Stephanie McMahon.
“Brock, it’s time to play the game.” Stephanie McMahon – (via Twitter.)
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We come back to Lawler commenting on his and Coles outfits.
“You look like mustard, I look like Ketchup, makes me want a hot dog” – Lawler
We get some Touts from the WWE universe, regarding who should get Taker at Mania.
Rytman Remark: These guys don’t look like the usual toothless morons that take wrestling seriously. I’m thinking if they’re not plants, they’re playing along in order to get on TV.
A dozen or so Superstars are up on stage with a table full of birthday cakes whishing Mae Young a happy 90th birthday. Mean Gene Oakerlund M.C.’s the festivities as the Divas bring out Mae. Everybody just starts “happy birthday,” when Punk’s music hits. Punk and Heyman strut through the party, on their way to the ring, pissing everyone off. Punk is in the ring as we…
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Rytman Remark: It’s their own fault for having the party on the main stage right before the main event.
We come back to a promo for Mania. Big Show, Orton, and Sheamus all make their entrances.
MAIN EVENT: FATAL 4-WAY – WINNER FACES UNDERTAKER AT WRESTLEMANIA- C.M. PUNK VS BIG SHOW VS RANDY ORTON VS SHEAMUS
No one wants to start with Big Show. Orton and Sheamus chase Punk into the ring. Show makes quick work of him. Show takes out Sheamus, Orton fakes out Show, Orton and Sheamus face off with Punk trying to steal a pin when one of them goes down. Sheamus catches Punk and bum-rushes him w/Orton’s help. Show back in, takes them both down. Show stands alone as we go to…
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When we come back, the pattern is quickly established. We get two guys one-on-one, and when one is down/out another steps in. Show takes over with a KO to Punk. It becomes Sheamus on Show with Orton in and out. Show misses the KO on Sheamus. Sheamus hits the Brogue kick on Show. Orton gets the RKO on Sheamus, AND PUNK GETS THE GTS ON ORTON FOR THE WIN!
WINNER: C.M. PUNK
RAW ends with the Undertaker on the stage, staring down Punk.
ThinkSoJoE, JT, G, and Jorge return for another episode of BoredWrestlingFan Radio! Joe loses his mind, causing BWF’s RYTMAN to question his sanity in the comments of the live broadcast. Did Triple H really piss himself on RAW? Was John Cena vs. CM Punk really worthy of being shown on EVERY WWE SHOW this week? Was TNA worth watching? What was so “social” about SmackDown? In the news, we find out the whereabouts of Ted DiBiase Jr. We discuss possible Old School RAW participants. Darren Young injured? Ain’t nobody got time for that! Why is Donald Trump “Hulk Hogan creepy?” What could be a better name for a wrestling themed pizzeria than “Squared Circle?” What in the blue hell is the Harlem Shake, and will Joe be doing it at WrestleMania? All this and more on this week’s edition of BWF Radio!
Never underestimate The “Unseen Power Of The Picket Fence”. Alice of RWR knows what I’m talking about. So does J.T., Joe, and Jorge of BWF Radio. We’ll see you on Sunday for the podcast. Maybe even Alice will show up and make Jorge laugh? Until then, I decided to continue my streak of abusing my psycological well being and review another episode of The Mediocre Khali Show. Sigh. That dude ain’t hopping. He has no knees, like Kevin Nash, nor legs like Zack Gowan, nor feet like Kamala. But all of those dude’s collected a paycheck at least. I never did. Hopping time, jerks.
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Here at BWF, you have No Alernative. You’ll find this track there too. Ask your buddy Google to explain. Look up Benoit, Cobain, Man on the Moon, REM, Kaufman, and Pavement. None of it will make any sense to you, but it does to me. And that’s how, I roll. One more match. Tell Google, G sent you.
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