Home ▸ RAW ▸ RAW is Sci-Fi, 8/25/08

This week’s RAW review here on BoredWrestlingFan.com is dedicated to the memory of reader JT’s cat Michael.  Sorry to hear about another loss to your feline family, my friend.  Tonight’s show features CM Punk taking on JBL, Kane taking on Batista, and Kofi Kingston challenging Santino Marella for the Intercontinental Championship.

Full results and analysis, after the jump!

Michael Cole and Jerry The King Lawler welcome us to Wilkes-Barre, PA, as RAW kicks off with the World Heavyweight Champion, CM Punk!  His opponent tonight in a non-title match is his SummerSlam opponent, JBL.

CM Punk def. John “Bradshaw” Layfield

JBL utilizes his strength, but Punk counters with his martial arts skill and his quickness, as this match goes back and forth.  During the match, Jerry Lawler mentions that John Cena may have an injury (apparently, he messed up his neck pretty bad, according to news reports).   Punk hits a suicide dive to the outside on JBL, taking control – albeit briefly – of the match.  JBL literally kicks Punk out of the ring, sending us to a commercial.  When we come back, JBL’s got a bearhug on the World Heavyweight Champion.  Or maybe they found out about JT’s cat and they were just consoling each other.  Considering that JBL belly-to-belly suplexed Punk out of the bearhug, I guess it was the former.  Anyways, JBL uses an array of punishing manuevers, including a very unique version of an abdominal strectch.   JBL puts Punk in what would appear to be a reverse Torture Rack, but Punk battles out, and gets a few of his Muay Thai kicks in, but JBL manages to maintain control.  With Punk seated on the top rope, JBL reels him with some right hands, but Punk manages to turn it around and hit a tornado DDT for two.  Punk goes back to striking the wizard of Wall Street, and connects with a top rope clothesline for a two count.  Punk hits the high-knee/bulldog combination, once again only getting two.  Punk goes for the GTS, but JBL gets out of it, then hits a Clothesline from Hell.  He only gets a two count though, as Punk reached out and grabbed the rope.  JBL exits the ring and grabs a steel chair.  The referee takes it away from him, distracting Bradshaw long enough for Punk to connect with the GTS for the victory!

Still to come tonight, Santino Marella defends his Intercontinental Title against former champion Kofi Kingston and Kane takes on Batista.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

WWE is coming to MyNetwork TV in October.  Thankfully – I actually get that channel in HD!

RAW GM Mike Adamle is here, with a mic in his hand.  He orders us to watch the TitanTron, where we see Batista taking on John Cena at SummerSlam.  Well, a highlight package, anyway.  Apparently the Batista Bombs gave Cena a couple of herniated discs in his back.  He’s going to need surgery and will be out indefinitely.  Which means he won’t be in the Championship Scramble at Unforgiven.  Adamle says he’ll name a worthwhile replacement by the end of the night.  In a somber tone, Michael Cole and The King

Kane says it’s not a tragedy, pain can be beautiful.  What Batista did to Cena is nothing compared to what Kane did to Rey Mysterio.  A body broken is nothing, but a spirit broken excites Kane.  Apparently the chokeslam leaves it’s victim wondering if he’s alive or dead.

Backstage, Adamle is with Primo Colon, and apologizes for last week.  He’s got the apples ready, and the Cabana set up – but Primo says he’s not like his brother, he’s not a jerk.  Adamle laughs and Primo asks what’s so funny. Adamle says he’ll find out before his match.  HBK walks in, wants to know where Jericho is.  Adamle says he’s not here, tells HBK he can take as much time on the mic tonight as he needs, and then asks about Rebecca.  HBK looks at Adamle and walks away.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Kelly Kelly def. Beth Phoenix

Beth uses her strength and just toys with Kelly Kelly.  It’s not the best idea though, because Kelly fights back.  Beth charges at Kelly and takes her down – and possibly breaks her own nose in the process.  This just angers the Glamazon who starts beating the hell out of her much smaller opponent as a concerned Santino looks on.  A double feature replay reveals that it was actually a Kelly Kelly boot to Beth’s face that busted her nose.  Kelly takes advantage of Beth’s injury, taking control of the match.  Santino pulled Beth out of the way of a hamspring elbow, and Kelly rolled up Beth for the victory as she was distracted by Santino.

Santino is trying to explain his actions to an enraged Glamazon, who takes him down and starts wailing on him, sending the Intercontinental Champion scurrying to the back.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

WWE 24/7 Classics on Demand:  April 23, 1989: Bret Hart vs. Mr. Perfect goes to a draw.

Carlito’s music hits, and we get… Charlito?  It’s Charlie Haas in a Carlito costume.  He even gets one of the picture in picture promos.  He spits in the face of people who look like mules!

His opponent is the real Carlito’s brother, Primo.

Primo Colon def. Charlie “Charlito” Haas

Primo gets off to a good start, but a forced break in the corner allows Charlito to get in a cheap shot and take control of the match.  Charlito slaps on a chinlock and starts yelling “THAT’S COOL!”  Charlito grabs his apple, takes a big bite, and then gets the spit knocked out of him by a Primo Colon left hand.  Primo shows off his athleticism, flipping around the ring, hitting dropkicks among other moves, and monkey flipping Charlito out of his afro.  Charlito tries for a backstabber, but Primo held on to the ropes and won the match with a cross body off the top rope!

HBK is backstage, walking.  Texas Ranger style.  He’s up next!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Yet another recap of Rebecca Michaels getting knocked the f*** out by Chris Jericho.

HBK’s music hits, and it’s time for another long ass Shawn Michaels “I lost my smile” promo.  Shawn says that Rebecca is hurt.  But, she’s been married to Shawn for 10 years, so she’s tough.  Shawn tried to tell himself that Jericho didn’t mean to hit Rebecca, but then they watched RAW, and saw Jericho blame him for it and showed no remorse.  Shawn didn’t send in a letter of resignation because he’s earned the right to tell the people “thank you.”  He didn’t realize, though, that it was going to be so hard.  That’s why Rebecca was with him – to support him.  And then she got punched in the face for her troubles.  Then Jericho blamed her for everything (uh… no, he didn’t Shawn.  He blamed you and the fans.).  That’s when HBK turned to her and looked in her eyes, and he knew that he wasn’t going anywhere.  Jericho appears on the Titan Tron.  He says that HBK is a lucky man, because Jericho is in the WWE studios and not at RAW.  Jericho says that he’s lucky people kept him away from Shawn Michaels, because of what he’d do to Shawn.  Jericho says he’d leave Shawn lying if they were to face off again.  Jericho says HBK wants a match with Jericho is so that he could sue Jericho and bring the entire company down.  Michaels says that if he does what he wants to do to Jericho, they’d throw him in jail, but in the ring, he can legally do whatever he wants.  He’ll do whatever it takes.  He’ll sign any release, waiver, agreements.  No rules, no liabilities.  Nobody needs to be held responsible for what HBK is going to do to Jericho.  What he’s going to do to Jericho?  Psh.  Look what Jericho’s done to HBK.  Hell, look what he’s done to his wife.  Jericho tries to talk HBK out of the match.  HBK asks if he’s going to accept the match, or if he’s going to tell him what he already knows – that HBK’s wife is tougher than Jericho.  Jericho accepts, and warns Michaels not to let his wife and kids watch the match.  Shawn says he’ll never ever forgive Jericho for what he’s done to him and his family.  He’s not looking to pin him, or steal the show.  He’s got one thing in mind – an eye for an eye.  Jericho sits there with a sour look on his face, and we get a closeup of HBK as we fade to black.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

The WWE Tag Team Champions are in the house – minus two championship belts, which were stolen by Cryme Tyme last week.  They’re in action tonight.

Ted DiBiase & Cody Rhodes def. Jerry “The King” Lawler & “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan

Didn’t we try this a few weeks ago?  Michael Cole wound up replacing Duggan and getting his ass handed to him by the WWE Tag Team Champions.  Reader JT is expecting a Hacksaw heel turn – will it happen?  Let’s find out.  DiBiase starts off with Lawler.  They go back and forth for a while before Rhodes gets Lawler over to his corner, at which point, the Champions do what they do best – they cut the ring in half, keeping The King away from ol’ Hacksaw.  Cody slaps Lawler a couple of times, which seems to awake the crafty veteran.  King finally gets the tag to Duggan, who takes it to the Million Dollar half of the Tag Team Champions, hitting the three point stance clothesline, only getting a two before Rhodes breaks up the pin.  Lawler chases Rhodes out, and DiBiase locks in the Million Dollar Dream on Duggan, turning it into a side Russian leg sweep and picking up the victory.

After the match, Rhodes gets the microphone.  He hopes Cryme Tyme were watching, because he and Ted are going to hunt them down and take back their Tag Team Championships, because the last time they checked, you don’t steal titles, you win them, which Cryme Tyme could never do.  This draws out Cryme Tyme, who stole themselves some luxury box tickets, apparently.  They introduce themselves, pointing out that they’re Cryme Tyme, which means don’t do the Cryme, if you can’t do the Tyme.  So, it’s time for Rhodes and DiBiase to give them a shot at the titles – so they kinda borrowed them.  They want their title shot at Unforgiven.  DiBiase wants to know why they couldn’t just go through the proper channels rather than stealing the titles.  Oh well, they’ve got their shot at Unforgiven.  DiBiase says they’re going to take back more than what they stole from them, and it’ll be priceless.  JTG calls him a silly white boy.  Nothing comes without a price, especially when you’re “borrowing.”  It’s all about that money, money.  Yeah, yeah.

Up next, Santino defends his Intercontinental Championship against Kofi Kingston.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

ECW’s play by play guy, Todd Grisham, is backstage with RAW’s Animal, Batista, who says that he’s never seen John Cena back down, and wishes him luck with his surgery.  Tonight, he’s got a match with Kane.  Batista’s not intimidated, and tonight is personal.

Santino Marella def. Kofi Kingston to retain the Intercontinental Championship

Kofi goes for a quick rollup, but only gets a one count.  The match goes back and forth, with Kingston getting the best of a majority of the exchanges.  Kofi takes Santino down and hits his patented legdrop.  Santino tries to take off but is stopped by Beth Phoenix.  Kofi throws Santino back into the ring, and as he’s getting back in, he’s tripped up by the Glamazon.  Kingston falls face first into Marella’s knee, and Santino capitalizes to pick up the victory and retain his title.

After the match, Beth kisses Santino, who, elated, spins her around and kisses her back.

Up next – Who’s going to replace John Cena in the RAW Championship Scramble?

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Josh Matthews is at the Democratic National Convention with Candice Michelle.  I’m with these guys – go to www.smackdownyourvote.com and register if you’re in the US and of legal voting age, if you’re not already registered!

Mike Adamle is in the house.  He’s got an announcement to make.  Cena’s replacement is a former World Heavyweight Champion.  His name is… REY MYSTERIO!  Kane can’t be too pleased about that one.

We get a rundown of the current Unforgiven card.

Batista is headed to the ring.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Batista def. Kane via disqualification

The Animal controls this one early on, attempting to wear down the Big Red Monster.  After being taken down with a clothesline, Kane goes crazy on the outside of the ring, throwing furniture around as we head to a commercial break.  When we come back, Kane has The Animal in a chinlock, taking the upperhand with an uppercut during the break.  Batista battles out though, and boots Kane in the head.  The two big men battle back and forth, until Kane hits a low dropkick to the knee of Batista, and goes to work on the injured appendage.  Batista tries to fight back, but Kane kicks him in the knee to stop any momentum Batista might possibly build.  Batista reverses a leglock by Kane into Fujiwara armbar, but Kane gets to the ropes, and chop-blocks Batista’s knee out from under him.  He goes for a second one, but Batista nails a clothesline – but lands on his knee.  Kane goes for a Tombstone, but Batista gets out of it and manages to pull off a bodyslam.  Batista gets Kane into the corner and charges in, but Kane catches him by the throat.  Batista battles out again, and pulls off a spinebuster.  He goes for a Batista Bomb but Kane goes after the injured knee again.  He wraps the knee around the ringpost and grabs a chair.  He hits Batista right in the knee for the DQ.

Kane continues his assault on the injured knee of Batista after the match.  Batista managed to boot Kane in the face and catch him with a spear.  Batista grams the chair, and starts going off on Kane.  He wraps Kane’s knee around the ringpost, and then returns the chairshots to the knee before collapsing to the floor himself.  Batista is on the floor on the outside in pain, and Kane is in the ring, also in pain as RAW goes off the air.

My thoughts:

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.  I’m not a big fan of John Cena, but you hate to see anybody go down with a serious injury.  At the end of the day, Cena is just a man trying to make a living.  Whether or not he’s good at his job becomes irrelevant when it comes to the man’s health.  We’ve seen numerous Superstars over the years go on to have long and successful careers after coming back from this kind of injury, including Edge and Kurt Angle.  On the other hand, we’ve seen amazing careers shortened by this kind of injury, a la “Stone Cold” Steve Austin.  I’d like to take the time right now to wish John Cena a speedy recovery, and also hope that for his sake he doesn’t try to come back too soon.  That’s what Austin did, and look where it got him.

As far as Rey Mysterio being his replacement in the World Heavyweight Championship Scramble at Unforgiven, I’m not too thrilled with that.  We all know that the Randy Orton re-injury is a work, that he’s healthy enough to come back any time now.  Not many people really knew that Cena was hurt before the show tonight, as the information was relatively new by the time RAW came on the air, so they could have easily done an angle where Orton came out and RKO’d Cena and was once again the cause of his injury, thus taking his spot in the Scramble.  I’m very interested, however, in how this whole Kane/Mysterio thing is going to play out, so despite the fact that I would’ve gone a different direction, Mysterio’s a pretty decent choice in this situation.

The show tonight was pretty good.  Even the main event between Batista and Kane didn’t suck.  The Shawn Michaels/Chris Jericho promo stood out as a highlight.  On the opposite end of the spectrum, Cryme Tyme’s promo with Rhodes and DiBiase was pretty stupid.  I thought the “Charlito” thing was pretty cool, I just hope they don’t make all of Primo Colon’s opponents dress up like his older brother.  On the other hand, I’ve always been a fan of the “I dress like everybody else” gimmick, ever since the recently released Stevie Richards and the Blue Meanie were doing it in ECW.

That’s it for me today.  I’ll see you guys in the morning with ECW results as eight men vie for a spot in ECW’s Championship Scramble.

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