Home ▸ RAW ▸ RAW on DVR review – 12/1/08

Ugh.  Another Monday, another RAW.  These have been the bane of my existence since Drowgoddess started doing the iMPACT reviews here on BoredWrestlingFan.com.  The show has just been extremely stale lately.  They need a debut, a huge return, or something.  I know what you’re thinking; “But JoE, John Cena just returned 8 days ago!”  That doesn’t count.  Cena was only gone three months and had a month worth of promos shoved down our gullets three times a week.  He comes back, and he’s the World Heavyweight Champion.  That’s another story, however, and we’ll talk about that later.  We’ve got a show to watch on DVR and review!

Full review (and in depth analysis of the Superstar of the Year nominees) after the jump!

We get a recap of Cena’s assault on Chris Jericho last week.  Then we get a closeup of Cena’s new AWA style t-shirt, and Chris Jericho surrounded by arena security off to the side of a merch booth.  He says that the words “hustle,” “loyalty,” and “respect” have been cheapened by a hypocrite like Cena.  Jericho doesn’t want to mingle with the fans, in fact he hired the security to keep the fans away from him.  He comes to the ring through the crowd while saying he doesn’t respect or like any of Cena’s fans because they’re nothing like Jericho, who has accomplished all of his goals, takes pride in his appearance, and has morals and ideals.  He didn’t represent the people as champion, and he won’t after he wins at Armageddon.  In the ring, Jericho says that the fans can boo him all they want, because they’re not worthy enough to be his fans.  Jericho only knows one John Cena fan worth saving – his son.  Three years ago, Cena caused Jericho to get fired from the WWE.  Jericho’s son was only two years old and didn’t know how famous his father was.  In the last three years, Jericho’s son started to watch RAW, becoming a WWE fan, and to Jericho’s horror, he also became a John Cena fan.  His son would parade around saying “the champ is here!”  He’d drop his kid off and he’d look back at him and go “you can’t see me, Dad!”  Jericho took action though, he banned his son from watching WWE.  His son didn’t see Cena steal the title at Survivor Series or beat Jericho senseless next week.  He’s going to start letting his son watch WWE again at Armageddon so that he can see his former hero beaten down and exposed as the flash in the pan that he is, and to see his father coming home with the World Heavyweight Championship around his waist.

WTF?  The RAW theme video plays after Jericho’s promo, and when the pyro goes off, Jericho’s no longer in the ring…

Tonight, John Cena takes on Kane.  also, Rey Mysterio takes on The Miz, and Finlay takes on John Morrison in the Intercontinental Championship tournament.

Speaking of which…

BOOYAKAH, BOOYAKAH…  whatever that means

Rey Mysterio is making his way to the ring, and Mike Knox is standing in the aisle.  Mysterio goes after him, but he falls, and Knox attacks.  A referee comes out and sends Knox away, as Mysterio clutches his arm after he fell on it.  Maybe he’ll feel better after this…

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

So, for the benefit of those with short attention spaaaaaaaans! Rey Mysterio clumsily fell off the ramp before the break (actually, it was off a shove from Knox), and landed on his arm.  Stephanie McMahon comes out of the trainers room and informs Todd Grisham that Rey may have torn some ligaments in his arm.  Layla comes to Stephanie and says that Lord Regal feels as though Mysterio should be removed from the tournament.  Stephanie says she agrees.

CM Punk makes his way out to the ring.  Mike Knox is not standing there waiting for him as he was for Mysterio.  We see footage of Punk as part of the Thanksgiving parade in Chicago last Thursday.  He’s set for tag team action.  His tag team partner, believe it or not, is the guy he won the tag team titles with a few weeks back, Kofi Kingston!  Their opponents are Cody Rhodes and Manu.  You know, since Goldust signed with WWE, wouldn’t he technically qualify to be part of Team Priceless?

CM Punk & Kofi Kingston def. Cody Rhodes & Manu

This match is actually not too bad.  Punk and Kingston fare pretty well in the early going, but a bit of double-teaming on the outside by Team Priceless sends us to…

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>  – Local ads have finally been updated to reflect that John Cena is the World Heavyweight Champion.  They’re still using AC/DC’s “Spoilin’ For A Fight” in the ads though as opposed to Guns N’ Roses’ “Chinese Democracy,” which is the official theme for Armageddon.

Punk is in control, with Rhodes in an abdominal stretch when we come back.  Rhodes and Manu take control back though, and Rhodes locks in a nice looking modified Mexican Surfboard Stretch.  This match is pretty slow paced, which works for Manu and Rhodes, but Punk finally gets the hot tag to Kingston, and the pace picks up.  Manu breaks up a pin attempt and gets a bulldog from Punk for his troubles.  One Trouble In Paradise kick later, and Kingston picks up a pinfall on Cody Rhodes, and the win for his team!

Still to come:  John Cena takes on Kane.  Yawn.

Triple H and Shawn Michaels are shilling again.  This time they’re shilling the Real Scale Elimination Chamber playset from Jaaks.  I actually just bought the Real Scale Classic Cage playset, and I’ll tell you, this thing is HUGE!  I no longer have a kitchen table because it’s become the scene of WrestleMania 2 – well, if the main event of WrestleMania 2 was a 5 way steel cage match between John Cena, Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Great Khali, Jake “The Snake” Roberts, and Big Stevie Cool of the bWo.  I’d like to get my hands on the Real Scale Elimination Chamber though, just to have a real-scale ring with updated colors and aprons.  Anyways, I digress.  Apparently HBK went off on some kind of rant about putting the thing together, but my feed from the USA Network ended up all screwey during this.  I’m sure it was funny, and I’m sure I’ll wind up seeing it again on ECW.

Well, apparently it was screwey for a while, when it comes back on, Beth Phoenix and Santino Marella are doing commentary while Jillian and Melina are in action.  According to Rajah.com, here’s what we missed while my cable company’s USA feed was scrambled:

Out back Cody and Manu walk up to Orton. Cody says he didn’t see Orton win anything last week. Orton says last week they were on the same team at SS. He says he saw potential. He knows they don’t like him, but the respect him. He thinks they should take the first step in their collecting potential. If they’re interested, he’ll be in his locker room.

Out back Y2J knocks on Kane’s door and stomps in. Y2J says that they’re all talking about the unstoppable monster in the ring and they don’t mean Kane, they mean Cena. No one think Kane can beat Cena. Y2J says they’re all saying Kane will tap out screaming in pain. Kane says he knows Y2J is playing him. He’s going to go out and take out Cena, he’s going to give the fans a show because he loves the fans and they love him. Kane told Y2J never to approach him again.

– Commercial

Video of Shane and Steph getting into it last week. Steph ended up bitch slapping Shane.

Jillian is in the ring singing. She’s in all brown tonight. Melina comes out in black and silver with light blue trim. She does her normal ring entrance. Santino’s music and Glamarella comes out. She shows her muscles at his request and he chews on her arm. They head to the announce table.

Jillian gains control and sends Melina through the ropes and out. Outside Melina gets slammed face first on the mat. Back in the ring Jillian covers for two. A submission on Melina and Jillian screeches for her to submit. Santino and Beth are quite distracting on announce. Jillian goes for a handspring back elbow but Melina wraps her legs around Jillian’s neck. Santino gets laughing too hard and can’t get his lines out. Melina hits her ‘last call’ and covers for three.

Gotta love doing a review of a show and not being able to watch 20 minutes of it, huh?  Anyways, we’ll pick up after Melina picks up the win in her match with Jillian.

Santino and Beth get on the mic after the match.  Santino says that Melina doesn’t have what it takes to beat The Glamazon.  Melina says that Beth may be the Glamazon, but she doesn’t know how to be glamorous.  She’s back and she’s going to take the Women’s Championship.  Santino makes fun of Melina.  He says that anybody can do Melina’s entrance.  In fact, he’s going to prove it.  He gets one leg up on the apron, and falls flat on his…  uh… meatballs when he tries to get his other leg up.  Melina shows us how it’s done in the ring as Santino clutches at his groin.

Backstage, JBL is walking…  apparently, he’s NEXT!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

For those of us with A.D.D.: Santino fell trying to do Melina’s split.

Santino is icing his groin and wondering where Beth Phoenix is.  Suddenly, some hands appear and start massaging Santino.  He thinks it’s Beth, but is shocked to find out that it wasn’t The Glamazon… it was the Golden one, Goldust!

The following contest is a street fight.  Cool!

The participants?  JBL is one of them.  Last Monday he attacked John Morrison instead of HBK, saying he made an offer to Michaels.  Hey, he’s got a mic again.  He made HBK another offer this week.  He challenged him to a street fight.  He wants HBK’s answer…

HBK is wearing the ugliest shirt I’ve ever seen – and no, it’s not HBK or DX merch from WWE ShopZone (badump chh!).  JBL says that HBK can either fight JBL, or he can take JBL’s offer and help out his family.  Or something like that.  JBL says Shawn lost a lot of money in the recent economic crash, and JBL made money.  JBL says he’s offering HBK a job.  He wants HBK to work for him.  He babbles on for what seems like an eternity, but since I genuinely enjoy JBL’s promos, I’m not fast forwarding.  JBL says that HBK can take a free shot at him if he’d like.  JBL goads HBK on, but says that if HBK kicks him, the offer is off the table forever.  HBK stops to look back at JBL before leaving the ring without taking the free shot at Sweet Chin Music.  JBL says he’s looking forward to doing business with HBK.  HBK stops on the ramp momentarily, but keeps walking.

Later tonight, Kane vs. John Cena.  Yawn.

Speaking of yawning, Batista is next.  Fun.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Hacksaw Jim Duggan is a part of a Geico ad parody for WWE Shop.com.  It’s actually pretty funny.

Zzzzzzzzzz… Huh, wha??  Oh, that’s right, I have a show to review.  With Batista on it.  Ugh.  Apparently he’s the WWE.com Superstar of the Day.  Why?  Who cares.  He’d better have an entertaining opponent or I’m fast forwarding his whole match.

Batista’s opponent is…

Dolph Ziggler.  Ugh.  He takes a microphone and introduces himself.  His name is Dolph Ziggler.  We know, we know.

Batista def. Dolph Ziggler

Well, I’ll give it a chance, since I haven’t seen Dolph Ziggler in action since he was back in the Spirit Squad.  That and the fact that I don’t think this match will go too long.  Dolph starts off slapping Batista in the face.  He then gets Batista to chase him to the outside of the ring, and then hits a standing enziguri on the ring apron.  Ziggler hits a neckbreaker on Batista for a two count!  Ziggler manages to get out of a Batista Bomb, and dropkicks The Animal in the knee.  Batista catches him out of the air on his next move though, hitting a spinebuster, followed by a Batista Bomb for the victory.

Ziggler looked pretty good in his debut match.  No time to discuss that now, since Randy Orton is on the stage with a mic.  He congratulates Batista, and says that one day it will be RKO vs. Batista.  Batista says that he knows something Orton doesn’t.  Stephanie McMahon made the match for Armageddon!  Orton says it’s great.  He’s been waiting four years for the match, and he can’t wait for Armageddon.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Orton runs into Jericho backstage, and Jericho says that after Kane beats up Cena, they should attack him.  Orton says he’s not fighting Jericho’s battles.  He says he’ll beat Batista at Armageddon, and then he’ll take out the champ, whoever it is, after that.  Jericho says that Orton has become an afterthought because of Cena’s return, and that he should think about that.

John Morrison is on his way to the ring, as Jerry “The King” Lawler ponders, “how does he do that with his hair?”  His opponent tonight is the man who loves to fight, Finlay.  The winner of this match will face CM Punk in the semi-finals of the Intercontinental Championship tournament, likely next week.

John Morrison def. Finlay

It’s a back and forth match, pretty decent.  In all honesty I haven’t been paing a whole hell of a lot of attention.  Finlay knocks Morrison out of the ring.  Morrison shoves Hornswoggle, luring Finlay out of the ring, where Morrison takes advantage, sending Finaly into the steel steps.  Morrison drops Finlay with a springboard kick to the back of the head, and pins the Irishman, picking up the victory and advancing to face CM Punk next week in the IC title tournament.

Still to come, John Cena faces Kane.  Yay.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Mr. Kennedy is in the straight to DVD movie, “Behind Enemy Lines: Columbia.”  Guess who won’t be watching it…

Stephanie McMahon makes her way to the stage, and she says she’s in control of RAW and will make everything bigger and better.  Next week, RAW hosts the Slammy awards.  The nominees for Superstar of the Year are Edge, Batista, Jeff Hardy, Chris Jericho, Triple H, and John Cena.  If it were based on crowd reaction, it would be a tough call between Cena and Hardy.  Quite Frankly, given their runs at the top of their respective brands this year, Triple H and Edge would have to be my two picks.

Anyways, those Superstars will be in action next week, as Jericho faces Jeff Hardy (Stephanie said “Triple H” at first, but when she saw that the graphic was for the Jericho/Hardy match, she said “I pulled an Adamle”), World Heavyweight Champion John Cena vs. WWE Champion Edge, and Triple H vs. Batista.  The show starts at 8PM and features the Slammy Awards.

We get another replay of Rey falling and injuring his arm, thanks to Mike Knox.  Rey is insisting on competing tonight.  The Miz makes his way out for the match.  Will he face Rey Mysterio?  We’ll find out next!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

BOOYAKAH, BOOYAKAH!  whatever that means.

Rey’s arm is heavily taped, and he’s holding it close to his body, but he’s ready to compete in this match.

Rey Mysterio def. The Miz

Miz goes after Mysterio’s arm early, but Mysterio fights back and hits a 619!  He goes to dive off of the top and Miz moves, sending Mysterio crashing to the mat.  Miz takes control, hitting an amazing armbreaker, pulling Mysterio by the arm off of the second rope and draping the arm over his shoulder.  Mysterio battles back, using his usual array of high flying acrobatic moves.  The two men exchange a series of pin attempts.  Miz goes for the Reality Check, but Mysterio counters, rolling Miz up for the pinfall!

Mysterio will face Kofi Kingston in the semi-finals of the IC Championship tournament.

Kane is backstage, and walking.  He’s in action against John Cena, NEXT!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

They show a shot of The White House, as King Lawler ponders that George Bush is probably excited about the upcoming match.  Quite frankly, from a wrestling fan’s perspective, if I were President and they showed The White House on RAW, I’d be running to the window and waving to the camera.

Kane makes his way to the ring, followed by the World Heavyweight Champion John Cena.

John Cena def. Kane

Kane focuses on the neck of Cena, and keeps control early on.   Cena ducks Kane’s clothesline from the top and locks in the STFU.  Jericho runs towards the ring, and Cena releases Kane and attacks Jericho.  With Jericho down, Cena gets back in the ring, and gets knocked down by Kane.  The Big Red Machine grabs Cena by the throat, but The Champ battles out, and then hits an FU for the victory.

After the match, Cena goes after Jericho again, beating him up the ramp… well, off to the side of the ramp, where he’s jumped by Cody Rhodes and Manu.  Cena fights the three men, managing to hold his own until Randy Orton joins the fray.  He gets Cena up on the ramp and starts wailing away.  He drags Cena over to the edge of the ramp and delivers a fierce DDT on the cement floor.  Jericho then locks in the old school version of the Walls of Jericho, screaming “who’s the hero?” at Cena as the show goes off the air.

My Thoughts: I came home from work towards the end of the Kane/Cena match, and folks on the message boards where JT, Drowgoddess, and I frequent during these shows were talking about how much they hate John Cena and Rey Mysterio.  Ironically enough, earlier today I was talking to somebody whose first exposure to Rey Mysterio was the MyNetwork TV premiere of SmackDown.  He’s not a huge wrestling fan by any stretch of the imagination, but he watches SmackDown on Fridays with his nephew.  He says that he was very impressed with the acrobatic nature of Rey Mysterio’s style.  A non wrestling fan, a guy who never heard of Mr. Kennedy until he rented a pay per view from a few years back, is a fan of Rey Mysterio’s in ring work.  Think about that.  Some of us may be so jaded when it comes to Mysterio after seeing him compete for so long, be it from his original ECW days, his WCW days, or his SmackDown debut back in 2002, but Mysterio is popular with the kids and the casual fans…..

As is John Cena.  Let’s put this into perspective here.  I loathe John Cena.  That wasn’t always the case, I used to like him back when he was a heel, and I marked out big time when he made his face turn on an episode of SmackDown that I happened to have attended.  My problem with Cena is that the WWE marketing machine shoves him down our throats.  When Cena came to RAW, he dropped his rapping gimmick that brought him to the big time, and became an indestructable, poop obsessed Marine.  The kids eat that shit up.  I still don’t see what the big deal is about Batista though.

So we now know the Superstar of the Year nominees for the Slammy Awards next week.  I’ve already touched on John Cena, let’s briefly talk about the other five guys.

Edge: Edge has been main eventing SmackDown virtually all year, being the Champion through much of that time.  He took some time off after SummerSlam but returned to surprisingly recapture the gold.  Edge holds pinfall victories this year over Jeff Hardy, Triple H, and Batista, all of whom are nominated for Superstar of the Year.  As I said during the review, he’d be one of my picks to win this category.

Batista: Batista beat John Cena at SummerSlam and Chris Jericho at No Mercy, resulting in a brief World Heavyweight Championship run.  Other than that, Batista hasn’t done much of note at all this year to the best of my knowledge.  I just can’t see him winning this.  I don’t even know why he’s been nominated.

Jeff Hardy: Despite his 60 day suspension earlier in the year and the fact that he hasn’t won a World Championship this year, Jeff’s undeniably popular, and has been in the WWE Championship picture since the Royal Rumble in January.  JANUARY! Top that, other nominees!

Chris Jericho: Jericho spent the early part of the year feuding with JBL.  After falling just short of winning the Money in the Bank ladder match at WrestleMania 24, Jericho held on to his Intercontinental Championship until being defeated by Kofi Kingston at Night of Champions.  A few months later, Jericho becomes the World Heavyweight Champion by sneaking in and getting the final pinfall in a Championship Scramble match that he wasn’t even supposed to be in.  He’s become one of the most hated heels in the WWE during two World Championship reigns, which included victories over Batista, among others, before losing at Survivor Series to John Cena.  Jericho also holds victories over fellow nominee Jeff Hardy in Intercontinental Championship matches and a Money In The Bank Qualifying Match.

Triple H: After being out of the title picture for a while, Triple H was the odd man out in the decision at WrestleMania XXIV.  He finally took the WWE Championship from Randy Orton in a four way match that also included JBL and John Cena.  The Game has since held off threats to his title from fellow nominees John Cena, Edge, and Jeff Hardy.  In fact, if he defeats Batista next Monday, he’ll have defeated four of his five fellow nominees during the course of 2008, and the other one, Chris Jericho, was the odd man out of a triple threat match won by Triple H on the MyNetwork TV premiere of SmackDown.  I’d say it’s a pretty good resume!

Well folks, we’ll see you tomorrow for ECW on SciFi!

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