Home ▸ RAW ▸ RAW presents The Slammys – 12/14/09

It’s Slammy Award time – and I’m disappointed in the nominations for this year.  That’s ok though, because we’ve got a new WWE Champion coming in to tonight’s show, and his name is Sheamus!  Dennis Miller is hosting, so let’s get started!

This year, they’re doing a Superstar of the Year tournament – Undertaker vs. Randy Orton and CM Punk vs. John Cena are the first round matchups, the winner of the tournament will win the Slammy for Superstar of the year.  But first…

Dennis Miller is in the house!  He steps up to the podium, and he’s glad to be here in Texas, but he’s now deaf from the pyro.  He makes a joke about kids from single parent homes as opposed to kids from  two parent homes, then talks about the similarities between politics and wrestling.  He shows DX with the heads of George Bush and Dick Cheney.  He calls Obama and John Cena the golden boys and says that one has just been put through a table and the other hasn’t brought anything to the table.  He then plugs the Tribute to the Troops, airing this Saturday on NBC and plugs USACares.org.  He then brings out our first presenters, R-Truth and Jillian Hall.

Tag Team of the Year: Jillian sings, badly, “Whoomp! There It Is” by Tag Team.  Truth says “Whoomp!  There it Ain’t.”  He says he’s going to change the lyrics to his song from “What’s Up” to “Shut Up.”  The nominees are DX, Legacy, The Hart Dynasty, and Jeri-Show.  And the Slammy goes to…  Chris Jericho and The Big Show!

The former Unified Tag Team Champions make their way to the podium to accept their awards.  Jericho asks if the crowd were expecting somebody else.  Jericho can feign surprise, but that would be ridiculous because JeriShow are the best tag team of any year, so it’s axiomatic that they win the Slammy Awards.  Jericho thanks Edge for getting hurt and himself for choosing the giant destroyer, The Big Show.  Big Show says that despite what happened last night, Jeri-Show will retain – regain – their tag team titles in the very near future.  Show calls Jericho the smart one.  Jericho says that they’re invoking their rematch clause tonight, and they’re going to prove why they’re the best tag team of all time.

Last Night: Sheamus defeated John Cena in a tables match to become the new WWE Champion!

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@dasharpshooters dapper of R Truth to wear his Black wife beater tonight #wwe #raw #bwf

@xsmootx #RAW I liked the play off of Big Show’s mistake there. Very well done. Seems this has mediocre fallout show written all over.

ECW’s Ruthless Roundtable are in the ring, and we see Vladimir Kozlov walking out on Ezekiel Jackson during a 6 man tag.  Regal says that they’re all on the same page now.  He’s challenged Christian to find two partners to face them in the ring tonight.  The ECW Champion, Captain Charisma, Christian, limps his way to the ring.  Regal asks who his partners will be, not that it matters.  Christian says he can barely walk after his ladder match last night, but he’s found a couple of guys who won’t have a problem handling Jackson and Kozlov.  They’ve had their differences, but they’ve put them aside to anihillate the three of them.

KABOOM!

Kane and The Great Khali join Christian, and we’re set for 6 man tag team action.

Christian, Kane, and Khali def. The Ruthless Roundtable

This was a sloppy match that was pretty short.  Khali picked up the win after Kozlov tagged himself in and got chopped in the skull by the Punjabi Playboy.

Dennis Miller is back at the podium.  He said he felt more out of place than Michael Moore in a Speedo at the Twilight premiere when he met Khali and Kane backstage.  Please welcome Teddy Long and Tiffany!

Breakout Star of the Year: The nominees burst into the scene in 2009 and haven’t looked back since – they are:  Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre, WWE Champion Sheamus, Yoshi Tatsu, and Abraham Washington. And the Slammy goes to… Sheamus!

Sheamus is here, and Striker mentions how good the WWE Championship looks around Sheamus’ waist.  The new WWE Champion bets we take him seriously now.  Roddy Piper, Paul Orndorff, and Ricky Steamboat could never accomplish what Sheamus did last night, which makes him better than all of them.  He’s not only the breakout star of the year, he’s the new WWE Champion!  Now that he’s got the WWE Championship, John Cena’s never getting it back.

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@_MFS_ dear jebus, change the damn belt already! It looks ridiculous on Sheamus and anyone other than Cena, KILL THE SPINNER BELT! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@Anayanky Boo all you want people. Sheamus is new wwe champ!

@vickylandry sheamus still reminds me of james hetfield a bit haha  (ThinkSoJoE note – I see where she’s coming from, but this is here mostly because I’ll take a Metallica reference any day)

The nominees for Superstar of the year are:  CM Punk, World Heavyweight Champion The Undertaker, Randy Orton, and John Cena.  The nominees will face off in a tournament later on with the winner getting the Slammy.

IT’S A NEW DAY – IT’S A NEW GENERATION!

Cody Rhodes is here by himself.  He says he’s going to copy what Orton did last night – he’s going to beat Kofi Kingston.  Kingston’s arm is taped up from his war with Orton at TLC.  Rhodes tells the referee to check his arm – the referee doesn’t comply.

Kofi Kingston def. Cody Rhodes by disqualification

Holy crap is Kofi over – the fans chant his name at the start of the match, and it reminds you of hearing the people chant “Rocky, Rocky.”  Kingston hits the boom drop, and Ted DiBiase attacks Kingston, earning Rhodes the DQ loss.

Evan Bourne runs in to the rescue, and Dennis Miller says he just won a Slammy for best reset of a match that ended in disqualification by a guest host.  He says that Al Sharpton and Jeremy Piven can suck on that.

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@_MFS_ “enough about Cena” that right there made me a fan of Striker #WWE #RAW #BWF

@IAmJHPunk I don’t care what you say, NO ONE has accomplished more than CM Punk this year. #superstaroftheyear #wwe #raw #slammys #bwf

@OfficialTAZ Had some Neelys BBQ in Nashville earlier…don’t tell JR!!!!  (ThinkSoJoE note – I know it’s got nothing to do with RAW, I just thought it was funny)

Legacy def. Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne

This match actually started before the break.  Legacy took control during the break and are keeping Kingston away from Bourne.  Kingston manages to get the tag eventually, but Bourne finds himself hit with CrossRhodes, giving Legacy the victory.

Later tonight, the Unified Tag Team Championships are on the line as DX defend against former champions, Jeri-Show!

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@Ikariniku Nailed it. Evan Bourne ends another night like a prom date. On his back. #WWE #RAW

Dennis Miller apologizes for his jokes at the beginning of the show.  He didn’t realize that if you scream “suck it” you’re a genius.  The next presenters are Vickie Guerrero and Santino.

Shocking Moment of the Year: Vickie does the “Excuse Me” gimmick, and she gets booed like crazy when trying to talk about shocking moments in the WWE.  Santino interrupts and says that it’s more shocking that she stopped eating her deep fried pork quesadillas long enough to come out here.  The nominees are:  Randy Orton DDTs and kisses Stephanie McMahon, Batista turns on Rey Mysterio, CM Punk ends Jeff Hardy’s career, and Sheamus puts Mark Cuban through a table.  And the Slammy goes to…  CM Punk!

CM Punk comes out to accept his award, which he snatches out of Santino’s hand.  He doesn’t give a speech, apparently his match with John Cena is next.

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@Blitzkrieg_sanZ damn #raw not gonna let punk have a victory speech…..haters!

@DiceCasden The only shocking thing about that was that it didn’t go to Randy Orton

CM Punk says he had a list of people to thank, but he figured the people of Corpus Christi Texas wouldn’t be quiet long enough to listen.  Punk goes on to thank himself and brag about his accomplishments, much to the chagrin of @AlyKat_730 and @NiKiHaru.  He says his crowning achievement this year was getting rid of Jeff Hardy.

John Cena makes his way to the ring, and we’re ready for action.

John Cena def. CM Punk

This match was too short – and Cena beat Punk by reversing the G2S into an STF and making Punk tap out.  CM Punk should not be tapping out to John Cena.  Seriously.  That’s BS.

After the match, Cena takes the mic as some ugly girl cries and chants his name in the front row.  He says congratulations to Sheamus, the new WWE Champion.  Cena needed to take a second and apologizes to anybody he let down.  He says you can be so prepared and still fail sometimes.  But every time you fail, it’s painful, it causes sadness, and it causes disappointment.  A man’s character is not judged by victory, but by what he does when his back is against the wall.  You get up, brush yourself on, blah blah blah shut up Cena.  People were so offended by his actions last night that they lost faith in him.  He tells a guy in a “We Hate Cena” shirt that he respects his decision to do so, but tonight, he’s talking to those who are still standing in his corner.  They haven’t given up on him, and he won’t give up on them.  The WWE Universe is his everything.  He’s not going to say that he’s going to work harder or be more dedicated, it’s impossible.  He says what happened at TLC will never happen again.  His road to WrestleMania starts right now.  He won’t be stopped.  Want a headline for WWE.com?  “I will not lose another match until I once again become WWE Champion.”

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@DCsPeoplesChamp yeah I’m going outside…anymore of this crap and I’ma hang myself…#Cenaplschangeurcharacternow! #bwf

@_MFS_ oh Cena, if it wasn’t for you my mute button would rarely get used, it thanks you for giving it something to do #WWE #RAW #BWF

@MissieBird John Cena.. he’s never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down… Fucker! I think he’s rick-rolling us!

BWF Reader RowdyRodimus says:  Here’s a headline for WWE.com: “The WWE would like to wish John Cena the best in his future endeavors”

@willhernandez What does #bwf mean????  (ThinkSoJoE note – It’s the hashtag on twitter that our followers use to help us notice them and boost their chances of getting their tweets in our reviews)

Dennis Miller puts over what WWE does for the troops.  Here to present the Match of the Year Slammy, “The Show,” Triple H.  That’s what he said.  Seriously.

Match of the Year: Triple H thanks Dennis Milburn for that great introduction.  The DX Army is here, and they’ll be defending their Unified Tag Team Championships later tonight, but in the meantime, are you ready?  The nominees are:  Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker from WrestleMania, John Cena vs. Randy Orton in an I Quit Match from Breaking Point, Jeff Hardy vs. Edge in a Ladder Match from Extreme Rules, and Team RAW vs. Team SmackDown from Bragging Rights.  And the Slammy goes to… Shawn Michaels and The Undertaker!

HBK comes out to accept the award.  He waves at the fans, and Triple H says that if you haven’t seen this match, you need to see it (I agree).  HBK has had the good fortune of winning this award for the last couple years, last year against Ric Flair and this year he didn’t break The Undertaker’s streak, but he’s very proud of what ‘Taker and he accomplished in Houston that night.  He goes to leave, but the fans chant his name.  He stops, and he says that he can beat The Undertaker.  He knows it, and more importantly, Undertaker knows it.  So right here tonight, he’s throwing out the challenge.  Taker, HBK, one more time.

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@theprynce Did I see a crowd sign saying ‘DX fan since Rick Rude’ when HBK was coming to accept his Slammy?!

@Sara_Bearuh Shawn, you are my hero and my everything. I love you. Sincerely, Sara. Houston was amazing 😀

@leecarter77 ‘Taker/Michaels at ‘mania again? Why does everything need a sequel? I was hoping ‘Taker would add Cena to his streak this year. #wwe

GONG!  GONG!

The other half of the Match of the Year, The Undertaker, is here to compete in the Superstar of the year mini-tournament.  Randy Orton is another one of the Undertaker’s ‘Mania victims, and he’s the Deadman’s opponent tonight.

The Undertaker vs. Randy Orton

The typical match you’d expect between Orton and The Undertaker.  DiBiase and Rhodes distract The Undertaker and allow The Undertaker to drop him on the floor with an RKO.  The referee continues to count, but Orton manages to roll in at 9, earning the count out victory.

Legacy roll Undertaker into the ring.  They beat him down, but he sits up and tosses them both out of the ring by the throats before dropping Orton with a chokeslam.  Later tonight, it’s going to be Randy Orton vs. John Cena for the Superstar of the Year Slammy.

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@WellYoureWrong LOL, Orton is DEAD go old school on him Taker and Bodybag him. #wwe

@TheWWEUberfan This Tournament is a STUPID IDEA. “Superstar of the Year” should be earned by ACCOMPLISHMENTS, NOT by script.

@AndrewJanus as much as I hate on #WWE at times…I really love their vignettes and promos for things…they can make me watch anything!

Here to present Guest Host of the year is Mr. Vince McMahon, who gave Miller notes on how to do comedy earlier.

Guest Host of the Year: Mr. McMahon says we’ve got a lousy audience tonight.  The nominees are:  Bob Barker, Seth Green, Shaquille O’Neal, and The Osbournes.  And the Slammy goes to… Bob Barker!

Bob thanks Vince McMahon via video, the WWE, and the viewers for picking him as the guest host of the year.  He thanks us for buying copies of his book, and says he had a great time.

Mr. McMahon asks who Dennis Miller would pick as a guest host.  Miller says that he’d pick Bret “Hitman” Hart.  McMahon doesn’t like that very much.  He says that Bret screwed Bret, and he doesn’t think Bret would be interested.  Miller asks the crowd, who cheer.  The People have spoken.

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@dasharpshooters What kind of people BOO Bob Barker fuck them #wwe #raw #bwf

@BradMilner Bret should host Jan. 4 and come out in a TNA shirt #WWE #Raw

@NiKiharu Vince might beat him with that Slammy…

@AlyKat_730 Yeeeeah, Vince doesn’t give a shit. That won’t happen. Well, I don’t see Dennis Miller coming back anytime soon.

@KMB2476 Oh God Bret is gonna come back!!!

@ticklemehaley ooooooo Bret Hart. 😛 that would be awesome!

@jswrestling what? Dennis Miller knows who Bret Hart is?

Dennis Miller is on the phone backstage when Chris Jericho comes in.  He thanks Miller for respecting him.  Miller doesn’t want to get off on a rant here, but Jericho sucks the life out of the show every Monday night.  Jericho showing up with his agenda is like Kanye showing up at a Taylor Swift fan club.  Jericho says he’ll prove Miller wrong.

Are you ready?

DX are the Unified Tag Team Champions – and tradition be damned for no apparent reason, since they’re out first.  JeriShow carry their Slammys to the ring, and we’re ready for tag team championship action!

Jeri-Show def. DX by disqualification

DX has a mandatory court appearance next week with Hornswoggle.  Anyways, DX tripped the referee and lost by disqualification.

HBK asks Triple H what he was thinking.  He makes sure to point out that they’re still champions, but they still lost.  Triple H says that they don’t get the winner’s share of the money – HBK says “There goes Christmas.”  Triple H points out that this was Jericho’s one rematch.  That means he’s trespassing in the RAW ring.  If only there were more Superstars who hate Jericho as much as they do who want to join DX for the night.  Finlay, Cryme Tyme, R-Truth, Hurricane, Primo, Shelton Benjamin, and Christian, and HBK hits Sweet Chin Music on Jericho.  Triple H says “bye,” and the DX honorary members escort Jericho out of the arena.  HBK says if you’re not down with that, he’s got two words for ya.

Backstage, Jericho is tossing things around as the honorary DXers shove him out of the back door.

Still to come, Orton takes on Cena to determine the Superstar of the Year.

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@cmpg Guess its true, Shawn Michaels really doesnt wrestle for 2 weeks after a PPV match #WWE #RAW #BWF

@chjpacheco #bwf your kidding me right NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO dont do this to jericho

@Ganonsfoot I will miss seeing Chris Jericho on Raw … and as a tag champ … This better lead to him getting a World title!

I Spit in the face of people who don’t want to be cool…

Extreme Moment of the Year: Carlito, Eve, and Chris Masters are here.  Chris Masters takes his shirt off.  Carlito starts talking about the award, and Masters flexes his pecs with every word that Carlito says.  Carlito says he can do that too, and asks if Eve can.  She says he’ll never find out.  The nominees are:  Kofi Kingston hits the Boom Drop through a table on Orton, Big Show tosses John Cena through a 7,000 Watt search light, Jeff Hardy hits a Swanton from the top of a ladder through a table on CM Punk, and Triple H invades Randy Orton’s home.  And the Slammy goes to…  Jeff Hardy at SummerSlam.  Accepting the award on his behalf is his brother Matt Hardy.

Matt says Jeff is very honored for winning the Slammy.  Carlito asks Matt why he’s accepting the award.  Matt says it’s because he’s Jeff’s brother.  Carlito attacks Matt and accepts the award on behalf of himself.  He thanks Jesus, the academy, Team Jacob, and Puerto Rico, but Chris Masters locks him in the Master Lock before Eve hands the Slammy back to Matt Hardy, as Matt Striker says this looks more like the Source Awards.

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@xsmootx #RAW Y’know a simple Yes/No answer to that question would’ve been nice, no need to be a frigid bitch about it.

@AndrewJanus lol. everyone popped thinking Jeff was gonna appear. #WWE #RAW

In two weeks, The Marine 2 on DVD hits stores.  Let’s watch the trailer.

The United States Champion, The Miz is here, and he’s ready for six man tag team action.  His partners.. Oh sh*t – I haven’t gotten to do this in a while…

Oh, Radio, tell me everything you know…

Zack Ryder is one of The Miz’s partners.  The other one is the WWE Intercontinental Champion, Drew McIntyre.  Their opponents are John Morrison, Yoshi Tatsu, and The World’s Strongest Man Mark Henry.

John Morrison, Yoshi Tatsu, & Mark Henry def. The Miz, Zack Ryder, & Drew McIntyre.

Yoshi Tatsu is one of the reasons that we’ve got Jason covering ECW on Tuesday nights.  I’m not a big fan.  He’s a knockoff Tajiri, and it’s proven when he picks up the win for his team by hitting a buzzsaw kick on Zack Ryder.

Up next, it’s a 7 on 7 Divas match.  Ugh.

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@JonHexLives “The slow motion superstar and he’s disturbingly seductive.” – Striker on John Morrison

@divadirt Did I just hear what I think I heard?! They’re gonna wrestle… in dresses? Time to break out the emergency alcohol… train wreck!

@DJSlash1 Hmmm Did Dennis Miller get pulled off the show for that Bret Hart remark?? Havent seen him since lol

No.  No.  No.  There are way too many anorexic skanks about to get in the ring and wrestle.  I am not calling this.

Mickie picks up the win for her team, and Goldust and MVP make their way to the podium to present Diva of the Year, as voted on by the WWE Universe.  Goldust says he’s sort of a Diva, so he thinks he should take the Slammy himself.  MVP says it’s a bad idea.  Goldust says we’ve got MVP on the stage and PMS in the ring.  The fans chant “Santina” as Goldust leaves.  And the Slammy goes to… Maria!

Maria thanks the fans and Batista comes in and does the Kanye thing.  He says he should get the screwjob of the year award since he got screwed out of the World Heavyweight Championship last night.

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Well folks, it’s been… um… fun.  But now I have to go and get ready for work.  Tonight’s guest hostess is our resident SmackDown reviewer and deserves a Slammy for all the times she helped us out over the course of the year.  Please welcome Drowgoddess!

Hey, all!

Back from the commercial break, Dennis Miller welcomes Abraham Washington, Tony Atlas, and Big Dick Johnson. Yes, you read that correctly. Miller says that it will be a bigger trainwreck than Amy Winehouse and Courtney Love starring in “Jersey Shore.” I get two minutes of Drew McIntyre, if that, but I must review THIS??? Why does WWE hate me so? This lot presents the “Oh My” Moment of the Year Slammy. We have cook HBK superkicking a girl, Santino Marella getting pies in the face by Divas, Michael Cole vomiting on Jericho’s shoes, and one other one that I have already totally forgotten. The winner? Michael Cole vomiting!!! Yay. Cole actually takes a shot or two at JR, in a Cole-ish sort of way. Remember what Michael Cole was like before every drop of the essence of life was sucked out of his soul and he actually had a will to live? No? Oh. When the segment is over, Miller reminds everyone about the USA Cares organization, and how to get involved with it.

Johnny Damon will be next week’s guest host, and he’s bringing “Secret Santas” with him. I have no idea who this is. From what I hear, Tiger Woods has a clear schedule from here until forever…. What, too soon?

Randy Orton vs. John Cena: This match is the finals of the “Superstar of the Year” tournament. While not inherently a bad idea to have matches determine this winner, I still don’t care for it. Jeebus, would someone shut that screaming girl up? It sounds like a “Twilight” convention! Orton and Cena quickly take the action to the floor, where Orton throws Cena into the ringpost. Orton rolls Cena back into the ring for a pin, but Cena kicks out. Orton stomps Cena down in a corner. Cena fights out and hits a top rope leg drop, but Orton kicks out at 2 1/2. Orton lands punches on Cena. Cena rolls Orton up. Orton kicks out. A quick series of reversals ends with Cena hitting Orton with the Attitude Adjustment, but Orton grabs the bottom rope at two. They go to the floor, where the referee starts to count. Orton rolls Cena back into the ring at 8 1/2, but Cena kicks out.  Orton goes to punt Cena in th ehead, but Cena counters into another Attitude Adjustment, and pins Orton. The announcers talk up a “new” John Cena, with a renewed focus and aggression, and point out that Cena has vowed not to lose a match until he gets back the WWE title.

Winner and WWE Superstar of the Year: John Cena

Peace out,

Drowgoddess

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