Home ▸ RAW ▸ RAW results 11/16/09

Yours truly was in attendance three weeks ago in Buffalo when they filmed crowd footage for the new RAW open.  That said, I doubt I’ll have made it in to the intro, but I’ll be looking nonetheless.  Tonight’s show emanates from Madison Square Garden in New York City and is guest hosted by “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, and there’s a hell of a main event in store with DX vs. JeriShow vs. John Cena and The Undertaker!  We’ve got our own guest host lined up, @AlyKat_730 from the Twitterverse.  Want to guest host RAW for BoredWrestlingFan?  Let us know, we’re on Twitter at @BrdWrstlngFn!

We’ve already got reports coming in – Ted DiBiase def. Primo in a dark match.  Thanks, @newyorkhardygrl!

We waste no time, getting started with Piper’s Pit.  Piper’s guest is Luiz Guzman.  Piper plugs Guzman’s new movie, and says that he’s heard that Guzman is a chef.  Piper says he brought in the Iron Chef – but he gets the Iron Shiek instead, who starts ranting about Hulk Hogan.  Live from New York, it’s Monday Night RAW!

We get the new intro, and oddly enough, there’s no crowd shots.  Thanks for having us chant along with this song for no reason, WWE.  All the graphics have been slightly updated as well, and we’re kicking things off with a United States Championship match.  We’ve got a small entrance set this week – which I’m told is just for tonight so that they could fit more people in MSG.  The Miz comes out and he says that he’s the US Champion, and thought the New York fans loved champions.  They love the New York Yankees.  They’re champions?  They didn’t earn it, they bought it (so says you, Miz).  Miz is from Cleveland, and he knows somebody that they’ll never buy (at this point, a “Let’s Go Yankees” chant breaks out).  Miz says he didn’t have to buy his championship.  He earned it.  Right now, he’ll prove it, because Roddy Piper is making him defend his title tonight.  Bring out his opponent!  MVP is rocking a Yankees hat, and gives it to Sherri Shepherd from The View who is sitting in the front row – and we’re set for US Championship action!

The Miz def. MVP to retain the United States Heavyweight Championship

The Miz dominates early on, but MVP starts to battle back.  You know, I kinda like the setup they have here.  MSG shows are special for the WWE, and this set – despite the fact that it’s way smaller than the normal set – makes it feel special.  Anyways, MVP hits the Ballin’ Elbow, but Miz escapes the Playmaker.  In the end, Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the victory.

Still to come, Melina defends the Divas Championship against Alicia Fox.

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From the Twitterverse:

@_MFS_ “I said Iron Chef not Iron Sheik!” gotta admit that one made me laugh #WWE #RAW #bwf

@D_SANZtron so i guess the undertakers 30 min entrance is gonna be reduced to 20 wit the short entrance ramp #raw

Last week: Chavo Guerrero was beaten in a boxer vs. wrestler match by guest host Ricky Hatton.

Chavo’s already in the ring this week.  You know what that usually means.  His opponent is Santino Marella, who is rocking a New York Rangers jersey (which means I automatically have to root for Chavo, being a Sabres fan and all).

Santino vs. Chavo Guerrero

Santino takes the Rangers jersey off and gets cheered for having a Giants jersey on.  He takes that off and gets booed for having a Knicks jersey on, booed for having a Jets jersey on under that, booed for the Mets jersey under that, booed again for the Phillies jersey under that, and cheered for the Derek Jeter Yankees jersey he had on under that.  Chavo hits the Three Amigos, then goes for the frog splash, but Santino keeps rolling away from him when he climbs to the top rope.  Hornswoggle comes out (wearing the DX gear), distracting Chavo and allowing Santino to roll up Chavito for the victory.

Hornswoggle escapes under the ring, and as Chavo goes after him…

ARE YOU READY?

DX’s music hits and Shawn Michaels and Triple H make their way out to the ring.

@WellYoureWrong F#&(, Chavo, Hornswoggle, then DX, this is not my segment #wwe

DX wanted to come out, have some fun, sell some merch, but it’s not going to happen.  HBK says they’re not going to let us know that you can get their new book on WWEShop.com.  He tosses the copy he has out to the crowd and Sherri Shepherd gets it.  DX says we’re going to talk about the big fat elephant in the room – no, not The Big Show, the Triple Threat match between the two of them and John Cena for the WWE Championship.  Triple H says that they won’t turn on each other.  They’ve come to terms with the fact that only one of them can be WWE Champion.  It doesn’t matter which one, as long as it comes to DX.  HBK asks if Triple H said they were going to be a unit.  Triple H says he meant it in a good way.  HBK wants to get down to business.  Triple H says that if Hornswoggle comes out right now, they might let him be a member of DX.  Hornswoggle comes out from under the ring and starts crotch chopping in all directions, stopping to mimick the poses of Triple H and Shawn Michaels.  He asks Hornswoggle “are you ready?”  Then he asks New York the same thing.

I'M READY!

Triple H does the “Let’s get ready to suck it” gimmick, then Pedigrees Hornswoggle.  They then get out a Leprechaun sized stretcher board and carry Hornswoggle out themselves.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

@DCsPeoplesChamp Ya gotta get a chuckle outta the DX self-promotion…#imjustsayin #bwf

@kempokid A DX stretcher? Really? Is that in the Border’s book store at MSG too? #wwe #raw

Video Package: WWE’s Greatest MSG Moments, set to Jay-Z’s “Empire State of Mind.”

Backstage, Chris Jericho storms onto the set of Piper’s Pit.  Piper says he’s got something special for Jericho.  He brings in Chris Masters.  Masters does his pec flex thing to “Boom Boom Pow” by the Black Eyed Peas, much to the disgust of Jericho.  Two of the Black Eyed Peas are here, but it’s the ones nobody’s ever heard of.

@AndrewJanus whats up WILL.I.AM.NOT #WWE #RAW

@sagefreehaven Christ Masters made me laugh. What the hell. XD #WWE #Raw

@xanetrain that was my favorite segment ever

Our guest ring announcer for the next match is the World Champion, Judah Friedlander.  I know this dude from VH1, but I still don’t know anything about him – though they just said he’s on 30 Rock.  He introduces the Champion first.  Tradition be damned, even in MSG, apparently.  Alicia Fox apparently doesn’t have anywhere in particular in Florida where she lives.  She demands that Friedlander announce her as the next Diva’s Champion.  Freedlander says he only came here for two reasons – one, to see Melina’s Entrance, and two, to announce that this is now a LumberJill match.  The LumberJills are all a part of the Diva’s Traditional Survivor Series match.

Melina def. Alicia Fox to retain the WWE Divas Championship

Who cares?  Melina picks up the win with a rollup.

All hell breaks loos after the match, which results in all of the face Divas standing tall as Judah Friedlander celebrates with them.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

@wrestlinfan902 I wonder if I transform into a greasy horribly shaven fat guy with hippie hair if I could be the next Diva match announcer.

@NiKiharu So many bleached hos here, I can’t tell who is who.

@angrymarks WHODAH? #wwe #wrestlingbubble #lameassinatruckercap

WWE and USA announced today that RAW will be on the network until 2014.

Guest Host time!  “Rowdy” Roddy Piper makes his way to the ring.  This should be good.  Piper says a lot of things have changed before telling the cameraman to back off.  Piper made a career on not being so nice, and only New Yorkers would put up with that.  He had his first two kids in New York.  He embarassed Cyndi Lauper – but she did a pretty good job of that herself.  He faced the biggest legends – Captain Lou Albano, Bruno Sammartino, Andre The Giant, and Hulk Hogan.  It’s proof that if you mess with Hot Rod, you’ll either be bald or dead.  Piper says they know he loves them, moreso the dead ones.  He’s the reason Hulk Hogan’s got no hair.  Piper’s done some unspeakable things, but he’s loved every minute of it.  He’s got one more dirty, nasty job to do.  For the fans, he wants one more match with Vincent Kennedy McMahon.  He knows McMahon is a big fan of Piper’s, because when he did Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel, McMahon was watching, and he fired Piper right here in this building.

No chance….

The boss is here, look busy!  The Chairman looks good in a nice pinstriped suit as he makes his way to the ring.  He tells Piper he did a nice dye job on his hair.  The worst thing Piper’s ever done in the Garden is show up here tonight.  McMahon says Mother Nature hasn’t been too kind to Piper.  Some things haven’t changed – Piper’s still got toothpick arms, skinny little legs, and a catcher’s mitt face.  Piper’s kilt hasn’t dried up and withered away.  If Vince fought Piper tonight, McMahon’s father and grandfather would be ashamed of him.  Piper insults McMahon’s gray hair, and McMahon calls him father time.  McMahon talks about how good looking he is.  He says he’s officially retired from ring action unless there’s a better challenge in his future.  Piper says he’s done playing games.  Retired is another word for a coward.  Piper’s beaten cancer, he can beat McMahon too.  Let’s make McMahon accountable too, to the people who made him a billionaire.  Piper doesn’t want this at a PPV, he doesn’t want it at WrestleMania, he wants it tonight.  Piper wants to see if he can retire McMahon “for full.”  McMahon gets cut off before we go to break.  Somebody’s getting fired for that, I’m sure.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

@Spydor2003 #BWF of course usa wants to keep Raw It’s usa’s best attraction on thier network next to law and order.

@chjpacheco #BWF TNA better wrestlers better story lines better wrestling period

@VicsVaporRub F#*(in’ FANTASTIC promo from Piper & McMahon. I hope this fight happens tonight

AHHH MY EYES!  Sheamus is too white for High Definition, and he’s here, two weeks after retiring Jamie Noble.  He says that he’s been here on RAW for four weeks and he’s already put one man out of this business.  He’ll do the same to anybody who dares face him.  Nobody comes out, so Sheamus grabs timekeeper Mark Eaton from ringside and beats him up.  The King takes his headset off and goes to step up to Sheamus, but gets booted in the face before he can do anything.  Sheamus leaves as referees and trainers check on Eaton and Lawler.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

@cmpg I hope this mean that since Jesse Ventura is hosting, we see the return of Jesse “The Body” Ventura doing color commentary next week #RAW

@_MFS_ seriously if the next thing I see on #RAW after commercial break isn’t a match I’m turning this s#*% off #WWE #bwf

@kickoutblog Cue Sean Mooney!?

HOORAY!  MATT STRIKER IS HERE!  I’m a huge Lawler fan, but Matt Striker is just pure awesomeness with a headset.  Cole and Striker run down the Survivor Series card

Evan Bourne makes his way out.  Last week, he beat Jack Swagger thanks to a distraction by The Miz.  This week, Swagger looks for redemption.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

@chjpacheco #BWF Rowdy Roddy Piper is the only wrestler who cn get on the mic make mistakes & confuse the hell out of us & still B cool that rocks XD

@xsmootx #RAW If King landed that mayor job, Striker shoulda been his replacement. Hopefully he’s just a “person to fall back on if WWE uses Lawler”

Jack Swagger def. Evan Bourne

This match started during the break.  In a pretty short match, Swagger picks up the win with the Gutwrench Powerbomb.http://boredwrestlingfan.com/wp-admin/post-new.php

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

@ANDaniloTheRef Evan Bourne should change his Name to EVAN JOB. That’s all he’s done since his push was stopped. The fact it was stopped puzzles Me. #WWE

And now, give it up for our guest hostess for the evening, @AlyKat_730!

So, it’s my turn.  Goody! I get to review the “biggest main event in RAW history!”

So, before this commercial break, we saw Rowdy Roddy Piper heading to the ring, ready for action.  When we come back, we see Piper ready, hollering for “Vincent” to come out.  It’s been a long time since I heard anyone call him Vincent.  But, would you believe it?! Randy Orton comes out instead!

I know, I was shocked too.  RAW seemed awful quiet.

Probably just as surprising (note the sarcasm) is how Piper laughs as Randy gets in the ring.

Randy says he doesn’t know if Vince is coming out, and he knows that Piper has a problem.  Everyone knows it.  However, on the plus side, New York seems to love Randy, though they don’t seem too fond of the idea of Randy putting Piper down.  Heartbreaking, right?  So, a kind of Randy vs Piper fight ensues here.

Randy Orton vs Rowdy Roddy Piper?

Mini slap fight, followed by Randy stomping Piper to the ground.  Piper gets up, Randy poses to punt him, and ends up merely stomping his head as Kofi runs out to save Piper.  Surprise, again!  Randy runs out of the ring, Kofi bounces around and dares Randy to come in. Randy walks away, Kofi goes after him, Piper walks away, licking his wounds.  The New York fans got a little extra piece of Kofi and Randy as they took it to the audience.  Little bit of a bitch-fight here, but what else is new??

Back to the ring, fight fight fight, see-saws Kofi into the “tightly-wound” bottom rope, and we were all expecting this, right?  I mean, Survivor Series is Sunday.  And here is the set up for the second punt, but Kofi bounces on up to his feet and punches Randy’s head.  I’m really not sure if this is a fight as much as just flailing arms and legs to beat each other.

When’s the next commercial? Does it really need to go on this long for us to get the point??

Oh, now the refs come out to separate it.  Please note, this was not sanctioned or approved, and it’s a brawl, says Matt Striker and Michael Cole.

Well, I walked away for most of that, but came back in time to see the replay of that steel whatever-it-was getting slammed into Randy’s head – Did I see blood?! – and then the “Boom Drop?” that broke the table.  Well, that seemed like a waste of time.  Is this going to make a dent at Survivor Series?  Nah, probably not… I doubt it would.

And now, a commercial before this “huge” main event.

Ah yes, and if you haven’t realized, RAW has a new theme song!  Nickelback’s Burn It To The Ground, and is presented tonight by Sonic.  Dunno what that has to do with anything, but okay.

And now, John Cena talks about Madison Square Garden making WWE History, making fun of JeriShow, and the match.  Gonna be honest here, I’m thrilled for this because I do like The Undertaker.

And some tech/crew guy gives John a paper… With some unbelievable news?

Oh, no handicapped DX vs John Cena match.  It’s a Triple Threat.  Duh, John.  Haven’t you been watching anything WWE since the match was announced??

Can the match start now…? Or did it get canceled and I miss the announcement?

Ah, there it is.

JeriShow come out to… a mixed reaction, I guess.  You can really only hear those sitting near the ring though, so I don’t know how accurate that is.  OH!  Yay! Commercial break!

Goody.

After the commercial, reminder that Governor Jesse Ventura will host the Thanksgiving RAW next week.  Okay, how about the match now??

DX comes out, to the crowd’s delight.  Only a little bit of the earlier enthusiasm.  Maybe Hornswoggle spoiled their good mood.  Who knows?  Three, no make that four, crotch-chops later, and smoke fills the arena.  Hope no one’s allergic.

Here comes John Cena!!  Crowd appears to love him here too.  That’s a plus.  That entrance run looked a little dumb with such a short distance to the ring, but who am I to judge?

Some cloaked figures with fire come out.  A concerned mother makes sure Little Johnny, who seems to be everywhere these days, doesn’t reach out to touch it.  Is this a sign of things to come for Survivor Series, or are we just be dramatic for the Garden?  The gong sounds, the doors open, and The Undertaker stalks out, slowly, but with purpose… I think.  It’s hard to tell with that hat covering his face.

And, as Taker takes six years to get to the ring, we wait… Did that seem impatient?  I guess I am, a little.  After the rest of the “showing off” tonight, I wanna see what the main event has to offer.

And the match starts, with John Cena, Chris Jericho, and Shawn Michaels in the ring.  Everyone seems sketchy, so Jericho tags in Big Show, who waltzes in like he owns it.  There comes Triple H, and there’s the Undertaker.  Nobody’s moving.  Are they talking it out?  Taker Triple H stare down… Then they look at Big Show… and team up on him.  Not that surprised though.  And then he gets flipped over the top rope, out of the ring, and when Triple H tries to get a cheap shot, Taker drops that boot right in his face.  Irish whip, Irish whip, spinebuster!  Triple H falls to the ropes, tags in Shawn, and Taker sits right up.

Repeat of Wrestlemania XXV?  Kind of, yeah.  Shawn shows why he’s The Showstopper, then Show gets back in the ring and gives a huge spear right to Taker’s midsection.  Then, Big Show tags in Jericho after knocking both Taker and Shawn down.  Jericho goes for a Lionsault, then Walls of Jericho on Shawn.  Taker goes for a chokeslam, but Cena tags himself in. Shawn tagged Triple H in at some point, but I missed it.  Sorry.

Triple H and Cena have a stare down, then get a double clothesline from Show… Taker goes after Show like a dog after a bone.  It goes outside the ring as Jericho, who was apparently also tagged in, goes for a cover on Triple H.  Triple H gets a tag from Shawn, and Shawn goes after Jericho with purpose.  An elbow drop, then Shawn starts tuning up the band.  However, Cena’s still in, and chooses now to run in it.  He’s got Shawn down, You Can’t See Me, Five-Knuckle Shuffle.  He got Shawn up for the Attitude Adjustment, but Triple H got back in, and is tearing Cena up.  Jericho tries to get back in, but is easily taken out.  Spinebuster to Cena before Show gets in.

Sweet Chin Music, Code Breaker, Choke Slam, Attitude Adjustment.  Cena covers Triple H, and gets the one, two, three.

The winners?  The Undertaker and John Cena.

But, Undertaker seems to not like Cena much, and Tombstones him to the mat.  My personal opinion?  Bad chemistry.

Overall, not a bad main event, though the rest of RAW wasn’t really up to par.  Sorry if this is a little long, I got excited that I got to help BoredWrestlingFan.com with a RAW review.

Wow!  Give it up for @AlyKat_730!  She did a hell of a job on this review, and we’ll definitely have to have her back again!  Want to be a guest host for the BWF RAW review?  Tweet us, Facebook us, or MySpace us to let us know, all the links are down at the bottom of the page!

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