Home ▸ Other ▸ Royal Rumblings 2009

Well, normally around here I do long, detailed reviews of the WWE shows (and Drowgoddess hooks you up with TNA Wrestling event coverage), but I’ve been too busy to get around to a proper review of the Royal Rumble and last night’s RAW.  Since I watched both shows, and I’ve done it too many times over the course of the last 7 months, I’m not going to subject you to another “here are the results from  whatever-wrestling-website.com” post.  Instead, I’m going to give you the results of the shows, and my thoughts on the matches and other segments.

Ready?  Draw yourself number 27 and follow me to the other side of the jump! 

ECW Championship:  Jack Swagger def. Matt Hardy

To be honest, guys, I haven’t really watched this match.  The problem with the Royal Rumble being on the day it was, is that while the WWE are invading the self-proclaimed “Hockeytown,” the hockey players of the NHL were in Montreal for one hell of an All-Star Game.  It was a high offense game, and the Eastern Conference just eked out a win, much like Jack Swagger did in this match.  After the match, Hardy sat on the ring steps in a state of disbelief that he couldn’t be the young champion.

Randy Orton arrived earlier in the day, and it brought the entire backstage area to a halt, as they all wanted to take a look at the man who dared to assault Mr. McMahon.

WWE Women’s Championship:  Melina def. Beth Phoenix

Santino came out to the ring with The Glamazon, but no sign of Rosa Mendez at all in this match.  It’s not very often you see anybody win a championship with a rollup, but Melina somehow pulled it off here, winning the WWE Women’s Championship.

We’re then treated to a video package detailing HBK’s employment with JBL.  Backstage, JBL tells HBK that if he helps him beat John Cena, he’ll get all of his money and he’ll be entered into the Royal Rumble match and be able to go back to his normal JBL employment free life.  JBL leaves, but when HBK turns around, he sees The Undertaker waiting for him, telling him that “it’s hell getting to heaven.”   After a pretty cool WrestleMania 25 ad, we’re ready for World Heavyweight Championship action!

World Heavyweight Championship:  John Cena def. John “Bradshaw” Layfield

I love the big fight intros for championship matches they do now.  Reminds me of the original ECW.  Anywho, the story here was HBK.  Was he going to help JBL win the title?  After the ref got knocked out accidentally by a JBL boot and both competitors knocked each other down with a double clothesline, HBK got in the ring.  He superkicked JBL – but then superkicked  Cena and dragged JBL on top of him.  HBK walked away and another referee made his way to the ring, but Cena kicked out at two.  JBL runs straight into a Cena FU (which, again, wasn’t called by the announcers), and Cena pins him for the victory.

We get the first televised ad for WWE Legends of WrestleMania, the new video game that’s coming out on March 24th, which is set to a knockoff of Highway to Hell.  After a video package about the recent events in Jeff Hardy’s life, we’re ready for our WWE Championship match.

WWE Championship:  Edge def. Jeff Hardy

When Jeff gets to the ring, Vickie Guerrero announces that this match is going to be a no disqualification match.  Edge is joined on his way to the ring by Chavo Guerrero.  Chavo is a thorn in Jeff’s side early on, but a seemingly botched dive by Jeff Hardy off of a ladder through the RAW announce table took care of him a little later on into the match.  Jeff rolls on though, taking it to Edge throughout the match.  When Edge finally gets things going his way, he goes for the spear, but it’s countered into a Twist of Fate!  He drops the Swanton Bomb onto Edge, but Vickie Guerrero pulls the referee out of the ring.  Matt Hardy chases Vickie into the corner of the ring, and grabs a chair for himself and one for his brother.  Jeff sets his under Edge’s head on the canvas.  Matt sets his squarely into Jeff’s head, knocking him out cold and allowing a confused Edge to cover his younger brother to regain the WWE Championship.  Matt Hardy’s MySpace blows up with hordes of rejects who apparently aren’t aware that it’s a storyline in a wrestling program, not real life.

Chris Jericho tells Randy Orton that if he doesn’t win the Royal Rumble, he’ll probably get fired for what he did last Monday.

Rather than sit here and try to call the Royal Rumble, I’ll give you the order of entry, the elimination summary, and any highlights I can think of in the meantime.

Entries:

1. Rey Mysterio
2. John Morrison
3. Carlito
4. MVP
5. The Great Khali
6. Vladimir Kozlov
7. Triple H
8. Randy Orton
9. JTG*
10. Ted DiBiase
11. Chris Jericho
12. Mike Knox
13. The Miz
14. Finlay
15. Cody Rhodes
16. The Undertaker
17. Goldust**
18. CM Punk
19. Mark Henry
20. Shelton Benjamin
21. William Regal
22. Kofi Kingston
23. Kane
24. R-Truth
25. Rob Van Dam!
26. The Brian Kendrick
27. Dolph Ziggler ***
28. Santino Marella ****
29. Hacksaw Jim Duggan
30. The Big Show

Eliminations:

1. The Great Khali by Vladimir Kozlov
2. MVP by Kozlov
3. Carlito by Kozlov
4. Kozlov by Triple H
5. The Miz by Triple H
6. John Morrison by Triple H
7. JTG by The Undertaker
8. Goldust by Cody Rhodes
9. Mark Henry by Rey Mysterio
10. Shelton Benjamin by The Undertaker
11. William Regal by CM Punk
12. Kofi Kingston by The Brian Kendrick
13. The Brian Kendrick by Triple H
14. Dolph Ziggler by Kane
15. Santino Marella by Kane
16. Jim Duggan by The Big Show
17. R-Truth by The Big Show
18. CM Punk by The Big Show
19. Rey Mysterio by The Big Show
20. Mike Knox by The Big Show
21. Finlay by Kane
22. RVD by Chris Jericho
23. Chris Jericho by The Undertaker
24. Kane by Legacy
25. The Big Show by Randy Orton
26. The Undertaker by The Big Show
27. Ted DiBiase by Triple H
28. Cody Rhodes by Triple H
29. Triple H by Randy Orton

Winner:  Randy Orton

*Cryme Tyme both came out at number 9 and flipped a coin to decide which would compete in the Royal Rumble – JTG won with a two headed coin.

** Goldust’s entire time in the Rumble was spent battling his brother Cody – until Randy Orton dropped him with an RKO and instructed Cody to get rid of him.

*** Ziggler tried introducing himself to Kane.  Kane introduced him to the floor.

**** Speaking of Kane, the man who holds the record for most eliminations in a single Rumble helped Santino set a record of his own – he was officially in the match for 1.9 seconds, barely beating the Warlord out for shortest Rumble entry

My thoughts: A pretty good show, as the Royal Rumble PPV usually is.  Matt’s heel turn really has Hardy fans in an uproar, as they’re bombarding his MySpace with hate comments.  WorldWrestlingInsanity forum member Legend Killer and I have both posted on there ourselves making fun of the rest of those idiots.  In fact, I’ve been wanting to post a second comment on there (satirically blaming Matt for the economy) but it was telling me I was flooding his comments (I only posted one – dammit Tom, fix your shit!).  Orton winning the Rumble was a hard prediction to make – until last Monday.  When he kicked McMahon in the head, most of us figured out that he’d be the first heel in a long, long time to win the Royal Rumble.  More on that when I get the RAW review up…

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