Home ▸ RAW ▸ RYTMAN’S RAW RECAP/REVIEW – 04/08/2013

Let’s do something a little different.  Instead of going segment by segment, I’m going to summarize each storyline in regards to how it was played out on the show, and offer my comments where I feel the need.

1.) CENA VS. MARK HENRY: THE RISE OF RYBACK – So we kicked off RAW with a word from our new WWE champion, John Cena.  Jersey is NOT part of the CE-Nation, and their response makes it clear.  Cena plays off the crowd’s hostility by joking about all the great things that come with being champ, like the applause.  Cena offers to dance for the crowd, using this as context for teasing a “heel-turn,” and offers a title shot to whoever wants one tonight.  Mark Henry comes out to take him up on it.  Booker T comes out and says Henry has to beat Cena in a match to get a title shot.

Let’s fast forward to our main event, Cena vs. Henry.  Less than a minute in, it spills out of the ring to the outside.  Both men tease a table spot (which is a whole friggin thing in itself we’ll get to.) Henry sends Cena into the post.  Cena whips Henry into the stairs AND GETS THE WIN BY COUNT OUT.  OUR “MAIN EVENT” BARELY WENT FIVE MINUTES AND MORE THAN THREE SPOTS!!!

Henry responds to this by laying out Cena (much to the crowds’ delight,) and hoisting the belt up.  Ryback comes out and runs off Henry.  Ryback glares at Cena and the crowd gets excited.  Ryback helps Cena up and the crowd gets less excited.  Ryback gets a “FEED ME MORE,” chant going and CENA TAKES A CLOTHESLINE!  Ryback gives the champ the Shell-shock and holds the belt up to a cheering crowd as RAW ends.

Rytman Remarks: So, Henry, the only established heel at Wrestlemania who won a singles match, has to beat Cena in a non-title match, to get a title shot?

Fine

Booker T, General Manager of Smackdown, can dictate who gets WWE title shots on RAW?

Fine

The match itself can’t have more than five spots and go more than five minutes?

Okay, Fine.

BUT NOW YOU’RE GOING TO GIVE THE PUSH TO THE GUY YOU BOOKED TO CHOKE IN EVERY BIG MATCH YOU PUT HIM IN?  GIVING HENRY A SHOT WOULD BRING ABOUT THE END OF ALL LIFE IN THE WWE UNIVERSE OR SOMETHING!?

I seriously don’t know why I’m still watching this crap.

2.) ORTON/SHEAMUS BOTH WANT BIG SHOW – Orton, backstage in Vicki’s office w/her and Brad Maddox, demands a match w/Big Show, wanting payback for what happened at Mania.  “Briki” (Brad and Vicki) agrees, reminding Sheamus he’d owe them a big favor for this.

Later in the show, Randy Orton goes to Booker T, asking HIM for a shot at big show, saying it was his mistake to trust big show, and wants to make good on it.  When Booker tells him Vicki already made the match w/Sheamus, he brown-noses Booker into over-ruling Vicki, on the grounds he’s a GM, and she’s a Managing Supervisor.  Booker decides to make it happen.

Later, we get a pre-recorded interview from Natalya with Big Show.  Show blames his team-mates for what happened, saying they turned on him by not giving him the hot tag.  Show says from now on, he’s all about the Big Show.

Later in the show, both Orton and Sheamus came out to the ring and asked the crowd who’d they like to see kick Big Show’s ass.  Cole tells us to use the WWE ACTIVE APP and vote on Twitter for who we want.  One commercial break later, Booker and Vicki come out together on the same page, making a Sheamus vs. Orton match w/the winner getting Big Show, making the Twitter thing totally irrelevant.

The match itself is hard fought, and both men hit their major spots, but it ends with the Big Show taking matters into his own hands.  He tosses Sheamus away like nothing and BRUTALIZES Randy Orton for about twenty minutes.  Orton is pounded on, and tossed around like a sack of rag-dolls.  Show tosses Orton hard over the announce table into the seats, and then tosses the seats all over the place.  Show leaves Orton broken on the ground, and walks off to a hero’s reception from the crowd. (This crowd was another whole thing we’ll get to.)

Rytman Remarks: Orton and Randy are fighting over who gets to beat up the guy they didn’t trust in the first place, but teamed up with anyway and then lost the match because they didn’t tag him, and he got mad and punched them out.  Gotcha! 

The interesting thing is, during the interview with Natalya, Show played hurt by his team not trusting him, like he really wanted to be part of something, and pulled it off pretty damn well.  I actually felt bad for him.    

 3.) ALBERTO DEL RIO VS JACK SWAGGER & ZEB COULTER: YOUR WINNER, DOLPH ZIGGLER! – World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio (w/Ricardo Rodriguez,) faced Swagger in a handicap match w/Zeb Coulter as Swagger’s partner.  Before the match, Zeb took the mike and actually pleaded with the crowd for their support.  He even got a small “USA” chant going.  The match was primarily Del Rio and Swagger with Zeb hanging back on the outside.  Del Rio managed to win it, but Swagger had worked the ankle/leg the whole match and Del Rio had ringside attendants looking at him.

Cue Dolph Ziggler.

Dolph chose that moment to Cash in his MiTB briefcase on Del Rio.  Del Rio managed to muster up enough offense to get Ziggler in the Cross-Arm-Breaker.  Ziggler escaped by working the injured ankle and won with a Zig-Zag for the three.  Later in the show, Ziggler is interviewed, saying it’s “about damn time” this happened.

Rytman Remarks: during the whole match, the crowd chanted “we want Ziggler,” until he finally came out.  I’m thinking Del Rio and Swagger are both gonna sit out a few shows.

 4.) UNDERTAKER PROMO: IN THE SIGHTS OF THE SHIELD – Undertaker comes out to do a promo.  He talks about dedicating his win to Paul Bearer…

SIERRA, HOTEL, INDIA, ECHO, LIMA, DELTA, BELIVE IN THE SHIELD

The Shield makes their way towards the Dead-man.  They’ve got Taker surrounded when the pyro goes off and Team Hell No (Kane and Bryan) run out to offer back up.  The Shield calls it a night and head off.

Rytman Remarks: A feud w/the Undertaker to set up a program with the tag team champions?  I like it, which is why it won’t happen.

 5.) FAHHHHN-DAHHHN-GO-OW! – So Fandango got a rematch with Kofi Kingston, from last month when he was supposed to debut on RAW.  The match goes less than ten minutes before Chris Jericho runs out and beats down Fandango, who gets the win by DQ.  After the match, Fandango still has enough in him to take a mike and do the bit with his name.

Rytman Remark: I’ll give the guy credit for sticking with it, but I’m thinking the last dance is coming up soon.

6.) “A BAD NIGHT FOR PAUL HEYMAN GUYS.” – Paul Heyman gets interviewed about how bad Wrestlemania went for him.  Heyman points out that Triple H finished the night with a broken (which we saw earlier in an exclusive,) arm and Shawn Michaels got his face smashed in.  He says Lesnar is here and ready to fight, but not for free.  He tells us C.M. Punk will speak for himself… next week, swerving the disappointed crowd.

Now let’s look at the results from the few “filler” matches…

BIG E. LANGSTON DEF DANIEL BRYAN – High point was Big E. tossing Bryan over the top rope onto Kane.

Rytman Remark: Would’ve made sense to book this match BEFORE MANIA!

WADE BARRETT DEF. THE MIZ – BARRETT NEW INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION

Rytman Remark: Decent match but I’m not expecting Barrett’s stock to skyrocket.  There was a noticeable “botch” when Miz went for the knee-drop/neck-breaker combo and Barrett dropped too soon. (Michael Cole, at ringside, tried to sell it as a “sit-out” attempt by Barrett.)

R-TRUTH, RYDER, AND SANTINO MORELLA DEF 3MB

RR; Went maybe seven minutes and was more of an actual match then the main event.

TONS OF FUNK/THE FUNKADAYCTALS DEF THE BELLA SISTERS/TEAM RHODES SCHOLARS

RR; High point was Brie/Nikki giving “Sweet T” a double butt-bump to the head.

A few other points of interest…

One guy in the crowd managed to get his “WE WANT PAGE” sign on camera almost all night.  Apparently, we can’t get her jobbing out to AJ and the Bella Sisters fast enough.

There seemed to be a contract out on the announcers table tonight.  It wound up collateral damage in almost every brawl tonight.  (Big Show’s rampage, Jericho’s payback, maybe during Del Rio Swagger,) In the Main Event, Cena and Henry both teased putting each other through it but never came across.

And now, we get to the real stars of this show…

This fucking crowd

Credit where it’s due, these folks decided they were going to have some kind of fun at this show and they did, to the detriment of the WWE.  Some of their highlights included “singing along” to Fandango’s music and cheering for RVD, Randy Savage, and anyone/thing other than Sheamus or Orton during their match.

Overall, this was a weird RAW.  It had some high points, but it wasn’t the best follow-up to a lackluster Mania.

Smackdown, the ball’s in your court.

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