Home ▸ Impact ▸ Slammiversary IX-review

Its that time of year again for the anniversary show of TNA iMPACT Wrestling.

*Three of those faces are not present can you guess which.

Our first match up is for the tag team championship. That’s different normally we would have the X division open the show? Huh I guess TNA is serious about making the X Division matter.

What no trade mark on "Beer Guns" TNA is dropping the ball

British Invasion vs Storm and Shelley

Robert Roode walks out with Beer Guns, and heads to the announce table. Some one has to keep Tenay and Taz busy on commentary. He comments on how is arm is 90% and hopefully he should be back in 2 weeks. The bell rings and we have Doug versus Shelley to open the match, both men go in with holds and reversals to set the tone in the early moments. Soon Magnus is tagged in, followed by Storm who with Shelley pull off a barrage of double team moves. Interference from Magnus turns the tide in Williams favor. Shelley shoots back with a top rope cross body which is reversed by Magnus into a vertical suplex. Williams goes for a chaos theory, which is reversed into an inverted legsweep in the corner. Tags in Storm,who cleans house. Beer Guns go for the step over toe hold into the eye poke from Storm. Later on miscommunication causes Storm to spit beer into Shelley’s face who is blinded hence super kicking Storm. British Invasion capitalizes with an elevated European uppercut, Storm kicks out after 2. Hits a super kick of his own on Magnus, who walks into Shelley for a sliced bread (somersault cutter) for the pin for 3.

Beer Guns retain.

Scott Steiner cuts his usual scattered promo where he stumbles over his words like a bad porn actress doing a non-sex scene.(Why doesn’t anyone give him a script to stop this nonsense?)

The big bad booty daddy against The DNA of TNA, I thought I would never have to ever again utter that sentence.

Steiner poses in the ring. Bell rings. Morgan goes on the offensive,taking Steiner to the outside. When the action returns in ring Steiner grabs on to the ref while kicking Morgan with a low blow followed up with a belly to belly suplex for a 2 count. Steiner gains control. Morgan reverses a charge into the carbon footprint, then a sitdown slam for 2. Steiner back up goes at Morgan with a T-bone suplex for 2. A clothesline reversal by Morgan for 2. Steiner clamps on the Camel Clutch (Steiner Recliner for those who know) Morgan works his way to the ropes, thus using his strength to pick up Steiner on his shoulder, Steiner counters turning it into a roll up. 2 count. One counter later turns into the Carbon Footprint scoring Morgan the win.

Matt Morgan victorious.

Jeff Jarrett cuts a backstage promo on Kurt. States he’s taking everything from Angle except his gold medal. Jeremy Borash calls it his most prized possession, Jarrett retorts that he already has that in Karen who is resting up in Tennessee. Promises on iMPACT that he will have Kurt place the medal on him in the ring as he stands on a podium similar to the Olympics. Well have to see.

Video Segment for the X (treme) Championship match. I wonder what’s next?

Kazarian vs Brian Kendricks vs The Monster Abyss for the X(treme) Championship.

The Sun Tzu philosopher defends his X treme belt, because the X division is dead!

Brian Kendrick starts off the match by attempting to attack Abyss. He is easily swatted away. Kaz comes in to put up an offense before he himself is knocked down before the power of Abyss. Kendrick recharged come in with kicks to the knees of the monster,followed by several drop kicks to take Abyss down. Brian attempts a cross body which is countered when Abyss over powers him and tosses him on Kaz out side the ring. Kendrick and Kazarian decide to work together to double team the champion, getting him in the corner to work him over. Finally going for a slingshot into the corner, Abyss comes out to give Kendrick a black hole slam. Kaz continues the fight on Abyss alone. Abyss picks him up for the future shock, drags Kaz to the corner for a Vader splash, reminiscent of his earlier match against Kaz, he misses. Kendrick comes in with drop kicks to his legs, eventually getting a drop kick to his face that knocks him to the ground. But on the offensive with the double teams which leads to a double pin for a 2 count. Miscommunication in the corner leads to Kendrick and Kaz to fight each other. Kendrick kicks Kaz in the head, then taken out of the ring by Abyss who covers Kaz for the 3.

Abyss still X(treme) champion, with the help of Sun Tzu.

Samoa Joe vs Crimson video segment.

The Imaginary streak vs the p'oed Samoan, only a match made in TNA

The match starts as a brawl similar to the one that has been on all the wrestling sites. (You know the one a fan took with his cell phone, at some bar that was so obviously staged, but I digress.) Joe palm strikes Crimson outside the ring, he attempts to go for a running dive which is countered with an forearm to the head. Back in the ring Joe regains control working over Crimson’s legs especially his knees. Putting the hurt to Crimson with a variety of holds and leg tweaks, Crimson is finally able to counter in a cross arm breaker, Joe gets to the ropes. Joe takes back control pulling out a single leg Boston crab. He then goes back to the palm strikes (basically slapping him around like a pimp who wants his money) Crimson gets Joe out of the corner in a Crimson Sky maneuver (D’lo Brown’s Sky High)

Winner with his “streak” still attached, Crimson.

Jeremy Borash interviews Angelina XXXombie Love with Winter.

Time Traveling Lesbians take on Hardcore Country

Aggressive lockup leads to Love over powering James with hair toss. Mickie angry hops back up and goes at Love. Winter distracts which leads to Mickie turning around and walking into a vertical suplex. Mickie again tries to make a comeback only to be dragged out the ring by Winter and dropped on her head. Angelina takes control leading to James whipping Love into the steel steps.Again in the ring Mickie beams Winter in the face when she tries to interfere the third time putting love in the Jumping Impact DDT, which is fubar’d when Love doesn’t jump on time making it look horrible. After the finish, Winter comes to the ring to whip James with her belt. Finally James is choked out by Love while Hebner is tending to Winter.

Bully Ray gives his interview to JB,where he essentially acts like a Bully. But cuts an excellent promo that makes you realize where his true strength lies.

Watch as the New Yorker takes on the redneck, who will be left standing?

Bully Ray versus AJ Styles in a Last Man Standing match, this should be good.

Trash talk early on by Styles who lets it be known he is still is in his head from last week.  Another brawl commences, which leads to Ray having the advantage over Styles. Using the steel steps to hammer his point home, making sure to have the ref count which each knockdown. The Bully gives some good chops to Styles who begs for more, this leads to Ray punching AJ in the jaw. AJ fired up picks up the momentum. A barrage of punches from the face of TNA, turns into a apron aerial forearm for a six count. A reversal by Ray allows him to scale the top rope AJ hops up with a pelle, he scales the ropes punching Ray until its reversed into a Power Bomb. Both men are layed out. Ray makes it to his feet and goes for his chain. And goes after Styles on the outside, swings then misses. AJ grabs the chain and busts the Bully in the head splitting him open. Styles is fired up and continues punching Ray and leading him around the iMPACT Zone. Ray eventually gets Styles up on the stage to reenact the power bomb from months ago, Styles reverse kicking Bully off the stage instead. AJ pulls a death defying jump catching Ray in the floor area. He soon lays out a table putting Ray on it. Climbing a scaffold he jumps down for an elbow drop.

Just as AJ is standing, Ray kicks him through the stage. (Or as I call it the card board, that in no way should of cost him the match) Ray stands up on the 9 count effectively winning but bleeding all over the place.

Your winner Bully Ray.

Mr Anderson is doing an interview where he fondles JB, telling him to laugh at what he did to Sting by impersonating him. typically asshole behavior.

But wait World Title Match next???!!!

Where is the Angle vs Jarrett match? Where is the order?

Whatever.

Will the Asshole beat the Icon?

Anderson comes out to brag about becoming the new champion, his usually cocky self. Sting springs up to interrupt Anderson doing his best Heath Ledger impersonation. If you could see the five a clock shadow on Sting, oh wait that is just paint.

Sting takes control of the early goings before the opening bell. Jackson James comes in to tell the Icon to bring it in the ring. Once inside Sting continues beating on Anderson before taking him outside into the audience, Sting loves to fight in the audience. Also surprising no count out? gotta love the lax rules at the Impact Wrestling Zone.  After a thorough dance around the crowd, Sting slings Anderson over the guard rail knocking over a camera man. Back in the ring Sting loses the advantage over Anderson who attempts to break Sting’s arm. Anderson mocking Sting goes for the corner splash. And misses. Regaining control, he continues the assault on the Icon’s arm. After an exchange of punches Sting gains the upper hand, hits the Stinger Splash on Anderson, boots Kenny in the leg causing him to fall flat on his back. Scorpion Deathlock time…..Bischoff walks out the boos of the crowd.

One deathdrop later, Sting gets a 2 count, which he thinks his a three count because Eric is pounding the mat. Anderson during the melee low blows Sting right in front of the ref’s face, (But we forget this is Jackson James, son of Eric Bischoff) followed by a mic check.

Anderson wins, to complete BS. Yeah so who saw the swerve coming when Hogan and co promised no shenanigans? oh right, me.

Yeah more good news, Karen Jarrett interview. via satellite. Now she can annoy us from as far away as Tennessee.

She lays into the fans for not wanting her there, to be honest between her and Fran Dresser (The Nanny, yes I’m over 20 so I should know this,it was my favorite.) , I would pick Fran every damn time.

No matter how many (alleged) boob jobs Karen has had.

Tenay makes a comment about her being a ball buster before cutting her feed. I love Mike Tenay, he is the only one with balls to call her out. I won’t even go into her sick description of how she would use the medal with her Big Daddy, Jeff Jarrett.

Video Segment- Then its time to get to the final battle.

This better be it or I'll have to clean my eyes with bleach to get the image of Karen wearing the gold medal doing nasty things with Jeff. Shudder!!!

Angle works over Jarrett in the early going, putting Jeff through a series of holds. Jarrett is able to come back with a back body drop out side the ring that hurts Angle’s left shoulder. Jeff puts up some good time in with Kurt before both men attempt a cross body block on one another.  Jeff attempts to put a sleeper hold on Kurt. Angle is able to get Jarrett into the corner for a belly to back suplex. Another overhead belly to belly suplex gives Angle the advantage. Later on Jarrett goes for a Tombstone piledriver which is reversed then reversed again, then again to a ankle lock. Jeff pushes off Kurt who runs into the ref. Jarrett then grabs his guitar and smashes it over Angle’s head.

(For the record when you slam a guitar over someone’s head when the ref is down, but then turn around and waive out anther ref who had to have seen the guitar shot to count the 3 that is bad booking right there. You can only suspend disbelief so much) 2 count by Hebner (Earl), Brian is laid out on the floor. Angle gets his patented 3x German Suplexes, for 2. One reversal top rope suplex later, Jeff regains with a top rope stroke which gets him a 2 count.

Jeff puts Kurt in the ankle lock. Angle rolls through reverses it to his own making Jarrett tap.

Winner and number one contender? OH I forgot to mention this was all for the end of the feud,the gold medal and a number one contender spot. Say that three times fast.

Afterwards were treated to the advertisement for Destination X. After the loss suffered by Kendrick and Kazarian why not call it Destination Xtreme?

Slammiversary poster:

*3 people were not at the event

1. Chris Sabin, injured because of Anarquia, will be out till next year.

2. Christopher Daniels back as Suicide jobbing for TNA

3. Eric Young, Television Champion, yet no spot on the ppv? To take on Gunner, maybe. Well I guess not.

I also see why the world title match wasn’t last. When you have a screw finish you don’t want that to be the closing. Have a nice clean match at the end will put folks at ease.

Like this post? Subscribe to our RSS Feed today and never miss another!