Home ▸ Drowgoddess ▸ “Smackdown,” 6/3/11

[King Leonidas voice] This – is – “Smackdown!”

Tonight’s show comes from Des Moines, Iowa. Hi. We’re in Iowa.

“The World’s Strongest Man” Mark Henry vs. Christian: Christian has a new shirt with a cartoon relating to the Killswitch. I couldn’t get a good view of it, but it looked neat. Mark Henry has always been a better heel than face. I’ve genuinely enjoyed him since his turn, regardless of the lack of reason for it. Very solid match from both men, with Henry’s power proving difficult for Christian to handle. Despite Captain Charisma’s best efforts, Henry keeps his feet. A very nice segment where Christian tries a top rope splash, but gets caught in a World’s Strongest Slam, then wriggles free to drop down behind Henry and shove him face-first into the turnbuckle. Christian hits the Killswitch and pins Henry clean.

Winner: Christian

Post-match, Christian gets a mic and points out that defeating Mark Henry is not an easy thing to do. This was a great victory, but not the one that he had wanted. It should have been against Randy Orton for the World Heavyweight Championship. Cue the footage from last week! In case you, dear reader, didn’t see the moment in question, Christian had Sheamus pinned for a count of six or seven, but referee Charles Robinson didn’t see it and failed to make the count because he was trying to remove Randy Orton from the ring. Christian argued with Mr. Robinson (coo coo catchoo, Mr. Robinson), and turned around into a Brough Kick and pin by Sheamus. Christian makes a point of not blaming anyone, that it was a matter of circumstances, but that as a victim of circumstances, he should be allowed a shot against Orton. Cue Theodore R. Long! Teddy agrees with Christian. Christian takes a page out of Teddy’s book and asks the audience, who approves. Teddy feels Christian’s pain, but can’t change tonight’s title match between Sheamus and Orton, or make it a triple threat match. Um, he can’t? It happens all the time. Teddy makes Christian the special guest referee in the title match. Christian is less than pleased.

Tamina and Alicia Fox (w/ Eve Torres) vs. A.J. and Kaitlyn (w/ Natalya): Sweet merciful jeebus, is this what we get for the next year with Kharma being gone? Torquemada would look at people watching this match and segment and say, “That just isn’t right.” History geek joke. Sorry. There is only one A.J. in pro wrestling. It isn’t this chick who is supposedly the perfect woman because she loves video games and action movies and comic books. Um, there are many of us out there, and this should not come as a shock. Eve Torres in unrecognizable, and I never would have known who she was if the announcers hadn’t said. The story is that Natalya has taken the two NXT rookies under her wing, and would like for them not to lose. Alicia Fox has never impressed me as being worthy of anything, but Tamina is a different story. Fortunately, Tamina destroys the rookies in about two minutes, and a completely wasted part of the show ends. Remind me why we can’t just have Natalya versus Tamina?

Winners: Tamina and Alicia Fox (w/ Eve Torres), anyone NOT watching this match

Cue the Phantom of the Arena, Cody Rhodes. Rhodes says that the phrase “winning isn’t everything” was originated and used by losers. Daniel Bryan is a loser. People might think that Daniel Bryan won their match last week, but that would be wrong. When a man ends a match beaten down, on his back, and wearing a paper bag over his head, he is a loser. Or a participant in a typical Houston Saturday night. Anyway. Daniel Bryan “oozes ordinary” and is “disgustingly dull.” He looks less like a WWE Superstar, and more like a member of the paying audience. As his henchmen pass out paper bags (including one for the camera, so we at home can see the pov of someone wearing a bag), Rhodes says that Daniel Bryan will be sitting in the audience sooner than later, and with a paper bag over his head. Enough with the paper bags! When the Beautiful People did it, it was one thing, but even then, the supposed humiliation of having a paper bag forced over one’s head was debatable. This is simply killing Cody Rhodes’s dark, unstable, and twisted persona that was working so well. This aspect of the gimmick is turning a compelling and intense character into a ridiculous comedy act. Stop it.

To the back! Matt Striker interviews the Great Khali about his actions last week. Jinder Mahal interrupts, and tells Striker that if he wants to talk to Khali, he has to go through Mahal. Mahal then speaks a rapid combination of Punjabi (if he’s really from Punjab) and English. The English parts refer to leading by example, his kingdom, and the first steps toward immortality. Interesting. Mahal and Khali leave for the ring.

Jinder Mahal (w/ the Great Khali) vs. Yoshi Tatsu: Really? Mahal’s debut match will be a brutal squash, undoubtedly, but against Yoshi Tatsu? Was no one larger available? Chris Masters, I’m looking in YOUR direction. Jinder Mahal is an Indian Alberto Del Rio. Seriously! He’s dressed all in white, references are made by the announcers to his “kingdom,” possibly royal blood, and upper class stuff. I don’t mean it as a slap, since Del Rio has moved over to RAW, the role he played on “Smackdown” can be played quite well by Mahal. It’s another flavor of the same character concept. Poor Yoshi is destroyed in about a minute, ending with a powerful full-nelson slam. Post-match, Mahal has Khali stand Yoshi up and goes to shake his hand, but suddenly directs Khali to crush Yoshi’s head. The Kids in the Hall would be so proud! Much is made of what Mahal holds over Khali, and I’m certainly intrigued. Constantly standing next to Khali, one doesn’t appreciate how massively huge Jinder Mahal really is. The veins in his arms frighten me.

Winner: Jinder Mahal (w/ the Great Khali)

To the video package for the “Capitol Punishment” ppv. Sorry, WWE, but most of the people whom you list as specially invited to the show will not be there. Just sayin’.

Ezekiel Jackson vs. Wade Barrett (Intercontinental Championship match): When Booker T points out on commentary that you are limited in your movement, that is not a good sign. There must be a better way to say that, if an announcer should point that out at all. It proved, unfortunately, true. This match was not worthy of Intercontinental title match status. Barrett rakes Zeke’s eyes to escape a Torture Rack, and they fall to the floor. Cue Justin Gabriel and Heath “Wendy” Slater! They surround Zeke on the floor. The referee counts to ten, and thought Barrett seems able to get back in the ring before the ten-count ends, he does not. With the champ counted out, and the title unable to change hands, the Corre sets up to rush Zeke again. Barrett, however, turns and walks to the back, leaving Gabriel and Slater to be destroyed by a giant African man with basketballs on the sides of his neck. Barrett never looks back or slows down. Hmm. The one thing here that was of the slightest interest.

Winner (by count-out): Ezekiel Jackson

To the back! Sheamus stops Christian and tries to suck up to the special guest referee. Christian calls Sheamus out as a terrible liar, and tells him to be more concerned about Orton. Nice moment.

Daniel Bryan vs. Ted DiBiase: Cody Rhodes and his Crazy Bag Men came to ringside during the match. This was a very good match, and more of these two would be an asset to the show. Very cool ending sequence where DiBiase set up the Dream Street, and Bryan reversed it into the Labell Lock, making DiBiase tap. Post-match, Rhodes and DiBiase beat down Bryan. Cue Sin Cara! Much is made by the announcers that Sin Cara stands up for those who can’t defend themselves. Do I detect an “Avenger” concept here? Sin Cara cleans house, and we’re left with an image of Sin Cara and Daniel Bryan in the ring, and Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase angrily gesturing from the floor. Oh, this could be fun. If only the tag team titles meant something.

I know that much negativity surrounds Sin Cara now, largely from fans who feel let down that he botches moves and doesn’t seem to know how to work with WWE talent, and generally fails to live up to his hype. While I sincerely understand that viewpoint, I have yet to see anyone point out the obvious. The man was scheduled to spend time in the farm league, so that he could learn English, adapt to the WWE style, and give other wrestlers the chance to learn how to work with him. That didn’t happen. He was rushed on to tv without any time given to those things, and while it is certainly his own responsibility to get his game in order and NOT screw up, more finger-wagging should be directed at WWE for rushing him onto tv.

Winner: Daniel Bryan

Sheamus vs. Randy Orton (World Heavyweight Championship match, Christian as special guest referee): This was a good title match, and at almost fifteen minutes, it was given enough time. You’ll have to watch the match for yourselves. Christian called it right down the middle. Until Sheamus accidentally collided with him. It truly was an accident. Sheamus had Orton up in the High Cross, but Orton wriggled free and slid down behind Sheamus. Orton almost ran into Christian, but stopped short. Chasing Orton, Sheamus hit Christian, knocking him into the turnbuckle and leaving him holding his arm and shoulder. Sheamus threw up both hands and shouted, “I’m sorry, fella!” He then pivots and drops Orton with the Brough Kick. Sheamus makes the cover, and Christian counts 1, 2, [Peter Griffin voice} owww! Owww! Owww! Sheamus takes issue with this, and shoves Christian deliberately. Christian punches Sheamus and drives him back, allowing Orton to land the RKO on Sheamus. Due to sudden and miraculous healing mutant superpowers Christian is able to make the three-count now. Orton retains the title, and Christian raises his arm in victory. Orton celebrates his victory, only to be laid out cold by a title belt to the face from Christian. Christian stands over Orton’s corpse and smiles. No, wait. Christian stands over Orton and shouts that he can beat him. Christian holds up the title, and leaves the ring with it. Yup, Christian has stolen the World Heavyweight title belt. Will he still have it next week? Tune in and find out!

Winner (and STILL World  Heavyweight Champion): Randy Orton

You may be seeing more of your friendly neighborhood Drowgoddess on Friday nights. Check back for our reviews of RAW and “Impact” as well.

Peace out,

Drowgoddess

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