Tag Archive: A0

  1. RAW 9.6.10

    1 Comment

    I know it’s been a while since I did a RAW review, and I’m sorry.  But! I finally have my laptop back, the storm that was here that I thought was going to prevent me from doing this has passed, and I’m in a pretty damn good mood!  So, without any further ado, let’s get this thing done, shall we?!

    Nexus is already standing in the ring as RAW comes on the air.  Barrett says that it is fitting that tonight’s RAW is in D.C., the site of so many historic rallies and speeches.  Last week, Barrett said that the Nexus would do something that would be talked about forever, and that’s exactly what happened.  They single-handedly, systematically destroyed a WWE institution: The Undertaker.

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Nexus attacks The Undertaker.>

    Otunga says that attacking the Undertaker should put to rest any doubts about the Nexus, and they are the new Phenoms of the WWE.  They trimmed the fat with Young, lost Sheffield to injury, and still managed to have the greatest night of their lives.  Tarver says that if anyone had done anything as unprecedented, no, if anything could do it, then they would probably sit back and savor that moment for the rest of their lives.  But not Nexus. T hey weren’t finished.  Later that night, they took out five of RAW’s top Superstars.  Matter of fact, Edge and Jericho were so scared, they took themselves out of the match because they wanted nothing to do with Nexus.  You know what happened next.  Heath says that what happened next was that Slater pinned Sheamus.  He repeats this for the people in the cheap seats.

    Justin takes the mic and tells him to calm down and well done.  But he’s done something more impressive: who in the WWE can say they’ve delivered their finisher to Undertaker and Cena in the same night? He can.  First, he hit the Undertaker with a 450.  And then later, the same night, he did it again.

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Gabriel hits 450 Splash on John Cena and eliminates him.>

    What was that, the third time Gabriel’s hit that on Cena?  Every time he hits it, it gets more and more satisfying.  Cena can see Gabriel, crashing down on his lifeless body over, and over, and over, and over again.  Barrett takes the mic back and says that after all that, he personally de-venomized the Viper.  He pinned Randy Orton, and that’s just a taste of what’s to come in the WWE.  In two weeks, at Night of Champions, he will beat Orton, Cena, Sheamus, Jericho, and Edge to bring the WWE Championship to the Nexus.  Mark his words, it will be historic, it will be ground-breaking, and it will be everything he has said-

    I hear voices in my head, they council me, they understand, they talk to me…

    Randy walks onto the stage, a mic in hand.  He asks if they want to know what he took away last week. The fact that he took out two of Nexus in less than thirty seconds, but Barrett’s not gonna roll footage of that, is he?  Don’t worry, Orton will just do it again.  He doesn’t care who he has to pin at Night of Champions to win the title, but rest assured, he’s going to make it his business to hit Barrett with an RKO.  Barrett says it’s real tough, and says that if he wants to be a tough guy, he can come in the ring to try to give him an RKO.  Randy starts a little down the ramp.

    And I quote: “Last week was indeed a historic night for Nexus, as a unit.  But tonight, we’ll find out how some of the members fare individually.  Tonight, for the first time ever, the master of the 450 Splash, the South-African Sensation, Justin Gabriel, will face John Cena.  In addition, Randy Orton, you won’t have to wait until Night of Champions to see if you can hit an RKO on Wade Barrett, because tonight, for the first time ever, the former Bare-Knuckle Champion, the fearless leader of Nexus, Wade Barrett, will go one on one with Randy Orton.  Oh, and gentlemen, one more thing: To insure that both matches are fair, Nexus is banned from ringside tonight.”

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @KeepItFiveStar It took Randy Orton a few years, but he finally found his smile. I think Shawn Michaels is still looking for his.

    @RingsideRants This anonymous Raw GM thing has run its course. Time to reveal who it is, which will likely be a disappointment.

    Break the walls down!

    And I quote: “Last week, when Chris Jericho and Edge took themselves out of the main event, it was a slap in the face to the WWE Universe as well as to me, the general manager, thus there will be appropriate consequences.  Thus, if Chris Jericho and Edge do not win their respective matches, they will be taken out of the six-pack challenge at Night of Champions.  And Chris Jericho, your opponent, is this man.”

    Now listen, this ain’t no make believe!

    Chris Jericho vs. John Morrison

    Jericho takes early control over Morrison, throwing him around the ring.  Morrison gets a close cover, but Jericho kicks out.  Jericho misses, and Morrison goes for another failed cover.  Jericho knocks him down and goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out.  Jericho throws Morrison out of the ring and begins yelling at Cole and Lawler, asking who the GM is.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @bethsharae So Jericho vs Morrison… does this mean Edge vs Truth later? Because you know they treat Morrison and Truth like twins. #Raw #WWE

    @_MFS_ Do they really expect me to believe Jericho is going to lose to Morrison? Cause I’m not buying it for even a second #WWE #RAW #BWF

    We come back to Jericho holding Morrison in the ring in a headlock.  Morrison fights out, but Jericho keeps the control, dropping Morrison back on the mat.  Jericho pins, but Morrison kicks out at two.  Jericho continues to question as to who the general manager is before going back to beat Morrison.  Morrison gets momentum back and drops Jericho with a couple of clotheslines, and then a spinning kick, backbreaker, cover.  Jericho kicked out at two.  Morrison hits Jericho with a couple of hard kicks, and Jericho attempts to go for Walls of Jericho.  Jericho drops Morrison after that, and Jericho misses a Lionsault.  Morrison hits a flash kick and goes for a cover, but Jericho kicks out at two.  Jericho drops Morrison face first onto the mat, and nearly this the Codebreaker, but Morrison holds onto the ropes.  Morrison attempts the running knee, but Jericho moves and goes for a cover, only for Morrison to kick out.  He hits Morrison with an insagari and goes for another cover, only for Morrison to kick out.  Jericho smacks Morrison around a little bit, mocking him as well, before Irish Whipping him across the ring and running shoulder first into the pole.  Morrison misses with Starship Pain, and Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho.  Morrison fights toward the ropes, grabs the bottom rope.  Jericho lets go and yells at the ref before kicking Morrison out of the ring.  He lures Morrison up to the top rope and goes for a suplex, but Morrison knocks him out.  Morrison hits Starship Pain and pins Chris for the victory.

    John Morrison wins via pinfall.

    Jericho is now out of the main event at Night of Champions, and he stays in the ring for a minute after the match.  He climbs out of the ring and sits on the steps for a minute, before he walks up the ramp.  The crowd has started a Y2J chant as he walks up.

    Later tonight, Justin Gabriel will take on John Cena for the first time ever, and Randy Orton and Wade Barrett will square off.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @KeepItFiveStar I know the Danielson fans will disagree but, Chris Jericho truly is the Best In The World.

    @Niki_Sushi So… just watching @IAmJericho almost made me bawl. He’s one of the few people that can, just by being silent.

    @dasharpshooters “I KNOW YOU KNOW!” #wwe #raw #bwf

    Diva’s Champion Melina vs. Alicia Fox for the Diva’s Championship

    Alicia comes out with the mic and says that Melina wont’ be competing at Night of Champions, because if anyone’s going to be the “undefined” champion of divas, it will be her, and not Melina.  I think Alicia went to leave at some point, and Melina just yanked her ass back in the ring.  But, as I expected, Melina retains with that Sunset Split thing she does.

    Diva’s Champion Melina retains via pinfall.

    Miz looks at something underneath a cover, and says that tonight is all about The Miz.  Josh goes to look and Miz smacks his hand, before telling him to get away from him.  Miz says that tonight, everyone will see the Road of Awesome.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @_MFS_ The ‘Undefined’ champion? Really? They let her have a mic why? #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @dasharpshooters Alicia Fox, people one follow you on twitter so they can laugh at your botched lame tweets. #wwe #raw #bwf

    @HitTheRopes It’s okay Alicia, you can be my undefined champ any day. #wwe

    @IAmJHPunk I wanna be the UN……defined CHAMPION! #wwe #raw #bwf

    @seraphalexiel At Night of Champions, it’ll be Alicia Fox vs Jeremy Piven for the Undefined Championship. Piven wanted to do Summerfest, but alas

    Backstage, Edge and Ryder are talking.  Edge says that Jericho lost and he shouldn’t have to give up his spot.  Edge says that he shoved the ref because he was saying derogatory things under his breath about Edge’s mom, and Edge loves his mom.  Ryder says that he loves Edge’s mom too, and he should be Edge’s opponent tonight.  Edge says that it’s great because Ryder sucks.  Edge says that he wants the general manager to accept Ryder’s challenge, and if he doesn’t, then he’s going to have major problems with his top superstar.  And, if Ryder’s music doesn’t play, then the computer is going to be smashed into a million pieces.

    Ted is talking to his mom on the phone and Maryse comes in.  She says me too, and he asks what’s going on.  Maryse says that she went to get her purse and found his note.  The note says ‘I want you so bad’, and Ted says he didn’t write it.  Why would he write it when he could just tell her, and how would she know it’s for her?  What if it was for him?  She starts going off in French and he says no French, and he doesn’t understand her.  Then, she keeps going, and he says he’s walking away.

    Up next, Justin Gabriel takes on John Cena.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @ThingsColeSays LOL. DiBiase on Maryse speaking French: “We talked about this!”

    Next week, RAW Roulette returns for the first time in nearly three years, apparently.  Awesome.

    Justin Gabriel vs. John Cena

    Gabriel and Cena lock up, but Cena just flings Gabriel away from him.  Cena seems to be mocking Gabriel a little, but Gabriel gets him in an armbar, only for Cena to turn it back on him, getting him in a headlock between his thighs.  Cena smacks Justin’s chest before letting him go, and Gabriel gets some sharp hits in, taking momentum back.  Cena starts to get momentum, but he runs right into an elbow from Gabriel and Cena is outside the ring.  Gabriel went for a cover, but Cena kicked out at two.  Gabriel this him a few times, and goes for another cover, but Cena kicks out again.  Gabriel throws himself into Cena and then hits a cross body into a cover, only for Cena to kick out at two.  Gabriel hits a Russian leg sweep, then locks a submission on Cena.  Cena lifts Gabriel, but Gabriel counters once more, going for a pin, only for Cena to kick out at two after a gut wrench power bomb.  Gabriel went for a moonsault, but Cena moved out of the way.  Shoulder knockdowns turn the tide of the match in Cena’s favor before Cena sets up for the Five Knuckle Shuffle.  He hits it, and gets Gabriel up on his shoulders, only for Gabriel to hit another leg sweep, dragging Cena to the corner.  Gabriel goes up, but Cena is on his feet and hitting Gabriel.   Cena climbs up and hits an Attitude Adjustment from the ropes, covering Gabriel for the win.

    John Cena wins via pinfall.

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Exclusive preview at Legendary.>

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @RingsideRants I take back what I said about Gabriel. He’s pulling out some nice moves tonight.

    AWESOME!

    Miz is in the ring, along with the easel with a drape.  Miz says his name is Mike Mizanin, and he has no right to be there.  At least, that’s what he was told six years ago, when he was a reality TV star.  So, he had to start at the bottom to make his way up to the top, starting out on Tough Enough.  He started hearing the voices of Superstars while on Tough Enough, of legends, of fans, asking why he was there.  The fact was, Miz refused to leave, of cave into the pressure, and he moved on.  He did whatever he had to do get a job.  He became the host of Smackdown.  He says he could have done better, but the voices just got louder.  Instead of asking him to leave, they were telling him to leave, saying he had no talent, there’s no respect for him, that he didn’t belong.  Then he formed Be Jealous, and everyone said that he was riding Morrison’s coattails, and if they split, Miz would be gone.  But, they did split, and Miz became the United States Champion.  But, it still wasn’t good enough, and they called it a fluke.  Then, he became Mister Money in the Bank.  So, the man that was shunned, can be looked at as the biggest star in the entire company, which leads him to the drape.  He asks for a drum roll, and pulls off the cloth to reveal his WWE Magazine cover.

    Why is this such a big deal? Because as a child, Miz bought every issue.  He’d put them in his bedroom, and dream of getting the cover.  Now, it’s happened.  Now that it’s happened, he wants to hear it, from the kids, the men, the women, from every single person in the arena.  He wants them to stand up, and admit that they were wrong.  Miz says he’s the poster child, not Cena, not Orton, him.  They can’t deny it, they can’t hide from it.  Everyone watching has no choice but to admit that we were wrong, because he’s the Miz, and he has earned the right to say he’s awesome.

    Daniel Bryan comes out to the ring. Daniel says hi, and that his name is Daniel Bryan.  He tells him to relax and says he’s going to congratulate Miz.  They have a lot in the common.  No one ever thought Daniel would make it, and Miz says that he hasn’t made it, and hasn’t accomplished anything.  Daniel says he’s right.  He’s clearly not the superstar Miz is.  He just came out to generic rock music not even he can identify, he has a $10 haircut, and he has to show security his ID three times in his wrestling gear to stay.  He says that he knows if he faces Miz for the United States Championship, he can beat Miz.  Miz agrees that Daniel paid $10 for the haircut, but nothing makes Daniel worthy of facing him for the title.  Daniel says that if that match did happen, then next month’s magazine may have a cover of Daniel making Miz tap.  Daniel says he can beat Miz, he can make him tap out, and he can become the next United States Champion.  Miz says that he doesn’t’ like Daniel, he’s never liked him.  Daniel says that he can beat Miz? Miz can annihilate Daniel.  Daniel says enough.  Him and Miz, United States Championship match, yes or no.  Miz says yes.  Daniel says excellent, and thanks Miz.  Miz thanks Daniel instead, and then Daniel attacks Miz.  However, Alex Riley comes in and attacks Daniel.  Miz goes to hit Daniel with the briefcase, but Daniel flips him out of the ring, and makes Alex tap.

    Daniel then looks at Miz’ cover, running a finger down it.  He then kicks it over, smirking at Miz as he does.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi So… am I the only one that thinks Daniel Bryan looks like a registered sex offender? #RAW #BWF #shouldicallthecops

    @bethsharae I really though Riley was Cole at first… #WWE #Raw

    @TKeep123: Daniel Bryon, $10 for that haircut was STILL TOO MUCH! #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @dasharpshooters Daniel Bryan: “YES I CAN” #wwe #raw #bwf

    You think you know me…

    Next week, John Cena will face either Randy Orton or Wade Barrett.

    Edge vs The Great Khali

    Before the match, Edge makes his way over to the computer after Khali makes his way to the ring.  He stands next to it for a while, but he leaves it alone and gets back in the ring.  The bell is rung, and then Edge rolls out of the ring, mocking Khali, who obviously doesn’t get it because he’s grinning.  He jumps back in the ring to break the count, then goes back out and continues his mockery.  He grabs Ranjin, only for Khali to grab him.  Khali starts chasing Edge up the ramp, and Edge attacks his knee before running back to the ring, making it in the ring.  Khali didn’t.

    Edge wins via count out.

    And I quote: “Edge, I refuse to acknowledge your cheap count out victory.  Therefore, I am restarting this match, and it will now be a no disqualification, over the top rope challenge.”

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @KeepItFiveStar Edge with the “Smackdown vs RAW 2010 I don’t wanna play this match so I’m gonna win as quick as possible” victory

    @FrankWWEClown Where the hell is @ZackRyder?!?! I call blasphemy! This isn’t fair! I won’t be able to sleep tonight! WHY, WHY, WHY?! #WWE #RAW

    @bethsharae …. We get a complete Truth free Raw? #WWE #Raw Please don’t let me have jinxed it..

    The ref restarts the match, and Edge is taking a beating from Khali right away.  Khali smacks Edge and Edge looks pretty wounded by it.  Khali throws him into the ropes, and Edge slides under the bottom rope to get out of the ring.  Khali, on the other hand, climbs over the top rope, and throws Edge back into the ring.  Lawler points out that this means, technically, that Khali eliminated himself.  Edge goes for a spear on Khali, but Khali stops him and throws him between the top and middle rope.  Khali goes to get over, and Edge yanks him down by his ankle for the victory.

    Edge wins via over the top rope.

    Still to come, Randy Orton vs Wade Barrett.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @KeepItFiveStar This is why you should go back to India, Khali. Cause you can’t follow simple ass instructions.

    @TKeep123 Y2J gets Morrison….and Edge gets….The Great Stumbling Khali ??? Jericho…you was robbed! #WWE #RAW #BWF

    @Fullmetal_Ninja: #WWE #RAW When Michael Cole can point out your botch you know you fail. #RAW #FAIL

    Night of Champions Rundown!

    Kane vs The Undertaker for the World Heavyweight Championship

    The Miz vs Daniel Bryan for the United States Championship

    Sheamus vs Randy Orton vs John Cena vs Edge vs Wade Barrett for the WWE Championship

    LayCool vs Melina for the Unified Women’s Championship

    Chris is staring backstage at something and Josh Matthews comes up to ask some questions.  Jericho doesn’t answer.  Last week, Chris said that if he didn’t become the WWE Championship at Night of Champions, he’d leave.  Since he lost his spot in that match, what are his future plans?  Jericho says nothing.  Josh thanks Jericho for his time, and Jericho doesn’t even move.  Morrison sits next to Jericho afterward, and says, “Bad day, huh?”  Morrison asks if he still thinks he’s the best in the world at what he does, and tells him not worry and that things will get better.  Jericho turns to stare at Morrison.  Morrison asks if he understands what he’s saying to him right now.

    Sheamus makes his way to the ring to watch the match that’s coming up.

    <COMEMRCIAL>

    @YourBoyDrew #DEAD at Jericho’s face…yo I’m cryin right now

    @TKeep123 Chris Jericho and John Morrison post match seated exchange….Priceless! (Morrison should have offered him a LifeSaver!) #WWE #RAW #BWF

    Sheamus, John Cena, and Edge are all on commentary on this match, so I don’t know how well I’m going to be able to keep up.

    Wade Barrett vs. Randy Orton

    The match hasn’t started, and Edge and Sheamus are already arguing.  Hilarious.

    Randy gets a good momentum on Wade pretty early, hitting some pretty hard-looking hits.  Randy brings Barrett to the announce table and slams his head against it.  He gets him back into the ring and continues to dominate Barrett.  Barrett gets the momentum back on his side with a big boot to the face.  Camera man, back to the match thanks.  Barrett dominates Orton for a bit with some hard stops, before he begins punching Orton in the face.  Barrett drops Orton in a neckbreaker and goes for the cover, but Orton kicks out.  Barrett keeps Orton in a headlock for a bit, but Orton drops Barrett onto the mat.  Barrett gets a cover, but Orton kicks out.  Barrett begins punching Orton a little bit, knocking him back onto the mat.  Barrett gets Orton up for Wasteland, but Orton counters with a neckbreaker.  Orton takes Barrett down with some clotheslines, then a scoop slam.  Barrett, however, rolls to the outside of the ring, but Orton pulls him in, going for the DDT, but Barrett throws Orton out.

    Darren Young interrupts, asking if Wade really thinks that he can be kicked out of Nexus and get away with it?  Young has news for them.  He’s going to show them why he wasn’t the weakest link, but is the missing link.  Orton gets back in the ring while Young distracts Barrett and hits the RKO for the win.

    Randy Orton wins via pinfall.

    Orton motions for Young to get in the ring, and to come over.  Orton then RKOs Young too.  Sheamus gets on the apron, and Orton looks at him.  Edge went for a Spear, but missed.  Orton RKOs him, then Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick.  Orton RKOs him too.  Cena and Orton stand in the ring, staring at one another.  Orton looks coiled to strike, but the two merely stare at one another instead.

    Well, the tension is definitely on for Night of Champions, specifically with the WWE Championship and the United States Championship, something I wasn’t really expecting.  However, I’m pretty excited to see what’ll happen.  And this one was much better than last week’s episode.  Until next week!

  2. RAW: Second Thoughts

    Leave a Comment

    Note from ThinkSoJoE: Please welcome Robby to BoredWrestlingFan.com. He’ll be chiming in periodically to give us his thoughts on the world of professional wrestling. He’s the administrator of Alexz Johnson’s website, alexz.net. Alexz has a new album coming out in the next couple of weeks, so I urge you all to check it out!

    Hello BWF! My name is Robby. This is my first time writing for a wrestling site and even just doing something past watching it among friends. I know you guys don’t need another play-by-play report, but I’ve taken notes as the show went on and may think it best to use those as a foundation.

    Opening

    A Martin Luthor King video package for MLK day.

    Vince enters. Recapping Bret’s appearance. I did it for you. Vince rambles about kicking Bret out 2 weeks ago was the right choice. Claims the fans made the decision and not him that Bret would never come back to the WWE. Undertaker interrupts. Taker tells Vince he was in Montreal. He says Vince screwed Bret. Twice. Calls his act a cowardly act. Vince leaves, Taker talks about his WM match with Shawn and that he wants to deliver a message personally, Shawn enters. Taker’s say “no” to Shawn’s rematch WM challenge. Says he’ll let Shawn fight Taker for the Title tonight on Raw. Shawn says “no”. Says he’ll enter the Royal Rumble and win it to face Taker at WM. Taker and Shawn talk really slow and make for a dragging first segment.

    This segment made me think of when Rikishi hit Austin with the car then told the Rock. “I did it for you.” Vince, the perennial villain and getting more senile each day, still wants us to believe that what he’s doing is for our own good. He’s been doing it for years. This would not be a problem if the product were good, but it feels like he’s losing talent faster than he can create new stars. So Takers comes in. Talks real slow. Michaels comes in, talks just as slow, giving us our first dragging segment and a  theme that would continue throughout the night. Taker says “no” to Shawn giving him a Wrestlemania rematch for the Title. The streak. We all know what that means. So Michael’s has to go into the Rumble now. Which seemed to be the entire point of this dragging segment. Taker’s words to Vince made it worth watching.

    Commercial

    Slam of the Week

    Orton/Cena/Kingston Triple Threat clip from last week

    Match 1 (1 Fall)

    Sheamus vs Evan Bourne

    NonTitle match with World Champion, should be short. Orton comes in from the stage to the  ring. Sheamus sees Orton before he gets to the ring. Bourne taks advantage of the distraction. Near fall from a top rope high risk. Big boot from Sheamus. Outsider Edge/Celtic Cross finisher. Match over. Orton enters the ring determined to blow the spot of another finisher. The look of determination to do it clear in his eyes. Sheamus gets the belt and shows it to him. Sheamus leaves the ring.

    This was a quick match. If the Champ ever has a non-Title match on TV  that’s not booked or thoguht of by Eric Bischoff it’s going to be short. Come on! Vince has bills to pay! Got to get those commercials in as much as possible. Anyway, Sheamus ends this quick. Orton comes in with his determined constipated look. Sheamus shows he can find shiny things. We move on.

    Backstage

    Shawn and HHH. Don Johnson interrupts them talking. HHH says he’ll talk to Shawn about the thing he  wanted to talk to him about later. HHH talks to Johnson. HHH says who cares if the co-host shows up, and to do it himself. Carlito dresses like Napoleon Dynamite.

    If you guessed this was pointless, you were probably right. Carlito’s appearance was quite awesome though and shows what they uses their wrestling for since they devote, maybe, 15 minutes of wrestling to a wrestling show. You’ll see it across my notes as they go on.

    Commercial

    Royal Rumble promo. Cena. HHH. And Taker up front. Future matches for tonight review.

    Foreshadowing. This was staring everyone in the face yet they wanted to make it a big deal tonight. On the Rumble poster, with wrestlers in a line, are their biggest Golden Boys and The Big Show. I didn’t have to know who was challenging for the Championship to know none of these people immediately visible on the poster were not. Logical conclusion? Rumble participants.

    Jack Swagger comes out to talk about last week saying it was a fluke as well as say “American” lots of times. Issues another All American American American challenge to Santino Marella. Santino comes out dressed like Don Johnson. President of the IDJFC, Italian Don Johnson Fan Club. Marella sounds he found a replacement. Mark Henry comes out for the All American American American American  challenge.

    Match 2 (All American American Challenge)

    Jack Swagger vs Mark Henry

    Swagger’s hit to little. Henry lifts Swagger. A quick toss over and the match is done. There’s possibly 5 full minutes of wrestling matches right now 40 minutes into the broadcast.

    At least Swagger has a gimmic now, or the start of one. He’s the American American American guy. Clearly the All American American challenge is the proper followup to the one before it, the Master Lock challenge. Over the top, match over. Perfect for a show that seems to be trying to end the broadcast as soon as possible. I like Swagger too, they need to use more and lt him actually wrestle.

    Backstage

    Black limo. Girls exit. Dynamite exits. Cracks a dumb joke about not knowing where he is. Turns out his name is John Heder.

    Nope, it’s not Flair. It’s an underwhelming entrance by a barely known movie star. We can keep going.

    Commercial

    Did You Know part. Tells us how they book matches for Royal Rumble winners.

    So much for Kayfabe.

    John Heder and Don Johnson enter. Don rambles for a bit. Heder rambles on after an interruption. They announce the main event. DX versus. Heder continues to ramble, gets to USC. He says “awesome” a lot, then introduces The Miz. Miz enters the ring. Miz thanks John and Don and mentions celebs hosting Raw for a change. Says Heder entered him into the Rumble. Miz mentions HHH’s comment about hosting alone. Miz rambles some more while noone turns off his mic. Ramble. Ramble. After talking about MVP, he interrupts them. MVP apologizes to fans and Johnson. MVP announces he’s in the Rumble. Says he’s going to throw Miz out. Adds in he’ll throw out Heder as well. Big Show interrupts. Big Show lays out MVP. Heder says he and Show have the same agent. Heder in a roundabout way announces his mancrush with Show and Miz. Finally gets to the point for the main event being DX vs Miz and Big Show.

    I’m not sure what the point of this was. I mean, later on it seemed to make sense, but for a couple of actors to miss the cue to get a move on it sure dragged. Obviously, by my notes, I didn’t keep a huge amount of attention here. People talked. Other people talked. It was Open Mic Night at the WWE.

    Commercial

    How to donate to Haiti segment.

    Match 3 (Tag Team 1 Fall)

    Cena/Kofi Kingston vs Legacy

    Cena and some guy start. Dibiase tagged in. Near fall after Cena exhausts almost half of his moveset. Tag back out to Rhodes. He beats Cena a bit in the corner. Near fall. Ref tries to stop Dibiase from using a closed fist. Cena fights back. Missing running into the  turnbuckle, countered by clothesline. Near Fall. Falling fist to Cena. Kofi tagged in enters with high risk. Starts taking out Legacy by himself. Does overelaborate high risks in quick sequence. Goes for Trouble In Paradise but stops. Continues to fight off Legacy. Legacy tags out bringing Rhodes in.

    Commercial

    Kofi and Dibiase in the ring. Di tagges out. Near Fall on Kingston. Kofi starts to fight back. Rhodes quickly puts an end to it. Body slam by Rhodes. Misses followup. Tag out to Di. Misses clothesline. Tag out by Legacy. Kofi brought back into Legacy’s corner. Near fall. Di tagged in. Double team arm bar thingy. Rest hold by Dibiase. Jawbreaker by Kofi to counter. Back suplex by Kofi to counter headlock. Desperate tag to Cena. Cena inserts 5 moves of doom. No need to explain what they are. Side Russian Leg Sweep counter by Rhodes. Cean countered going into the corner. F-U running counter. Di interrupts ref count. Kofi high flies. Kofi pins with flying body splash. Easily as much wrestling in this match as there has been on Raw’s entire broadcast to this point.

    This was, by far, be the longest match of the night. Cena’s “5 moves of Doom”? Yeah, you know what those are. This match had some actual wrestling in it. Not surprisingly, none of that actual wrestling was performed by Cena. This match didn’t really have anything at stake, so I really didn’t care who won. Legacy also bores me to tears and I sometimes have to check to see who’s in the ring.

    Backstage

    Guest hosts Heder and Team Cheese Whiz. Hornswaggle appears. No one knows what he’s saying. HHH enters. HHH translates for Hornswaggle. Say Swaggle doesn’t like Heder and challenged him. HHH proposes a 6 man match with Heder and Hornswaggle added. Match is a go.

    I don’t know why I called them Team Cheese Whiz, seemed to fit and helped me with short hand notes. I think it’s catchy. HHH can book matches? Oh, Steph… riiiight.

    Commercial

    WWE Rewind: Women’s division flashback.

    Match 4 (Diva’s Tag)

    Maryce/Alicia Fox vs Gail Kim/Eve Torres

    Gail and Maryce start. Quick pin and break. Sholder block into corner by Gail. Top rope double drop kick. Near fall. Outside interference by Fox. Gail thrown to the outside. Tossed by in by Fox. Maryce does back breaker on Gail. Near Fall. Tag out to Fox. Double team on Gail. Gail fights back. Fox ends the offense. Near Fall. Scissor kick miss by Fox. Tag out to Eve. Eve countered running into corner. Hip toss. Clothesline. Flipping senton by Eve. Eve does a rolling arm bar off the top rope. Submission from arm bar by Eve. Winner Gail and Eve.

    I normally don’t pay A LOT of attention to Women’s matches unless they’ve got something interesting going on. Gail made this standable and Eve’s Rolling Armbar was a cool finisher to the match. It started slow but got much better. For the first time in a long time I also don’t care who is the Champion here.

    Commercial

    Backstage

    Johnson, Heder, and Kelly Kelly. Kelly leaves. Heder is freaking out about his match. Heder wants Johnson to take his place. Miz enters and reassure Heder. Johnson says Heder’s choice is a mistake. Miz and Show say Heder will be ok. They show Heder his ring attire. “The Flame” is on the back. They try to pitch it to him to make it work. Noone can extinguish the flame.

    This is just too easy.

    King and Cole fill time by talking about the backstage segment and Rumble theme song. Then go over each of the matches. They announce 3 matches for Raw.

    More non-wrestling content added to the biggest wrestling show in the land. Seriously guys, Too much backstage stuff and added video packages for future Raw events.

    Backstage

    HHH and Vince. Vince is  going on about Taker calling him a coward. HHH stops him. HHH says MacMahon’s have to get the last word in. HHH tells Vince his no win situation. Vinces leaves. Shawn enteres. Swaggle enters again stopping HHH from saying what he wanted to at the beginning of Raw. HHH says they’ll talk later. Swaggle rides HHH’s back to match.

    Orton walking backstage for his match next.

    Speaking of, let’s go backstage. HHH has a point though, making this was of the more important backstage segments in the whole Bret Hart angle. HHH again tries to tell Shawn what we’ve seen on the Rumble poster earlier in the night.

    Commercial

    Hall of Fame ceremony facts. Sold out in 35 minutes.

    Match 5 (1 Fall )

    Orton vs Chris Masters w/ Eve Torres

    Bell rings. Sheamus comes out at the ramp. Lock-up. Headlock by Orton. Masters counters. Orton throws Euros.  Master Lock countered. Mastered  countered at corner, powerslam counter on Orton. Orton does his back breaker. Preps for Blown Spot. Masters get to ropes. Master Lock applied. Orton reaches for the rope to break the hold. Orton plays possum, hits Blown Spot on Masters. Match time, ETA 2 minutes. Sheamus kicked Orton. Orton laid out. Stand over him victorious. Sheamus leaves ring.

    Orton got out of that lock way too easily. He did a nice fake into his RKO though(noted as “Blown Spot”). This match could have ran longer and been more interesting, but we can’t waste broadcast time on something as trivial as wrestling!

    Commercial

    Match 6 (6 Man Tag)

    DX and Hornswaggle vs Team Cheese Whiz and Heder (Miz and Big Show)

    Heder enters from “The Great Ball of Fire” as The Flame. Johnson comes out with DX. All parties enter the ring.

    Commercial

    Back from commercial with the match already happening. Miz and Shawn in the ring. Quick pin by Miz. Kick out. Mounting punches. Miz tags out to Show. Show headbutts Shawn. Picks up Shawn from the ground for a sidewalk slam. Tags out to Miz. Miz sets up Shwn in the corner. Running kick connects. Shawn reverses and goes offense.  Michaels chops. Both wrestlers down trying to tag. Swaggle tags himself in. Dropkicks Miz. DX chops. Clothesline on waggle. Heder tagged in. Flamer takes out ring rope. Kicks Swaggle. Misses a turnbuckle attack by Flamer. HHH tagged in against Flamer. Johnson makes Flamer go back in. HHH punches Flamers. HBK superkicks Show, Miz. Swaggle to the top rope. Splash. Swaggle pins Flamer for the win.

    HHH talks to Shawn about HBK. HHH says it won’t work out for HBK. Cena enters. Goes to ring already with a mic. Cena says he has an announcement. Cena announces he’s in the Rumble after being shown many times tonight. Says he won last time ignores being injured and coming back the last time. Says he’ll win the Rumble again. HHH starts to talk but Show reenters the ring. Show says he has an announcement that he’s in the Rumble too. Show says he’ll win. Show attacks DX, Cena jumps in. Cena does one of his three moves. DX throws out Cena. HHH throws out HBK. HHH announces he’s in the rumble, something we all knew from before with the Rumble promo shot.

    End show.

    Now running short on time WWE brings us back with the match in progress. DX shows offense. Cheese Whiz shows offense. It’s a good main event with lots of action going on. Good thing we have our Glass Ceiling Talent out there carrying the show… Then we  get to the announcements which everyone has figured out by now. Everyone’s in the Rumble, big surprise. Quite an underwhelming ending to a Raw that was going so well. Wait. No it wasn’t. Well, Vince, you’re finally not broadcasting anymore. Two painful hours. Maybe I should do TNA next time.

    Robby is a huge wrestling fan following it since the early 1990s. His favorite musician is Alexz Johnson, likes pizza, and hopes this won’t be his last article on BWF.