No need for some long drawn out intro to this review. This Sunday is the Royal Rumble, and everything of significance is well established. This episode should serve to do little else to maintain a holding pattern and replay all the build from previous episodes of RAW. But, hey, you never know. I might be wrong. It happened once.
G says: “HOLY FUCKING FUCK!”
This week on BWF Radio, an update on the Chris Jericho interview, a preview of next week’s BWF Awards, and much more! We look at RAW, SmackDown, Impact, and other pro wrestling television. We talk Jeff Hardy on Ink Masters, and what his inner thoughts would have consisted of if they were aired on the episode. Tyler Recks has words on twitter about John Cena. The whereabouts of “Harold” from the Bryan/Kane anger management classes is revealed. We ponder who would have a reason to send William Regal death threats. We debate whether or not Undertaker’s streak should ever be broken, and we give you the latest on CM Punk’s condition, including a Tout from Dr. James Andrews. Tune in!
BoredWrestlingFan Radio Episode 52 (MP3, 2:20:01)
In lieu of a break song this week, we received an opinion piece from Rational Wrestling Talk about 3MB. Find RWT online here!
Jorge talks about a YouTube video during this episode. That is here.
John Cena opens the show with a weird promo about Kane/Bryan’s anger management issues, U.S. Champion Cesar Antonio having huge nipples, and wanting to take AJ out on a date to “In & Out” burger. He comments on how loud the crowd is, but they have no voice; because the voice of the voiceless has become the “voice of the selfish,” referring to WWE Champion C.M. Punk refusing to face him at “Hell in a Cell.”
“If you are the best in the world, what does it matter if no-one watches?” – John Cena
Cena says Punk’s not a man, and tells him don’t be a punk. Face him at “HIC” and cement his legacy.
As Cena leaves, RYBACK enters. They trade a glance passing each other up the aisle.
RYBACK DEF PRIMO/EPICO W/ROSA – This match actually makes Mo/Co look better in defeat than Ryback does in victory. The former champions take over early and dominate with quick double teaming, yet this ends just the way you figured, with Ryback squashing both men w/a combo of clotheslines and the Meat-hook.
John Bradshaw Layfield is on commentary tonight w/Jim Ross and Michael Cole. During the match, he mentions how Primo/Epico were Puerto Rican tag team champions, and that their uncle Carlos Colon still owes him and a lot of other people money.
Brodus Clay and the Funkadactyls dance their way to the ring. R-Truth chases “Little Jimmy” into the ring. He apologizes to Brodus, but since “Jimmy” is going through some “changes,” he asks if they can dance instead of fight. Brodus agrees and we have a dance party; until Vince McMahon himself pops up on the tron to tell them to wrap it up and dance out of the ring, so he can deliver a “state of the WWE address” after the break.
We come back from break and Vince is in the ring, addressing the state of WWE.
“We just saw two grown men, out here with two lovely ladies, the Funkadactyls – you have to be careful how you say that – dancing with an imaginary child, that’s the state of the WWE.” – Vince McMahon
Vince remarks how that there’s room for that in the WWE as well as Leprechauns, Goat-faced vegans, big red monsters, giants etc. When he mentions the best facing the best, WWE champ C.M. Punk interrupts with Paul Heyman in tow. Vince calls his t-shirt ugly and says he feels disrespected. Punk goes off on the subject of disrespect, in regards to him. He asks if Vince respects him. Vince says he respects Punks reign as champion, but he’s not a “C.M. Punk guy.”
Punk responds by calling himself the best thing Vince has got right now, and he should be appreciated. He threatens to jump the rail and let Vince kiss his ass goodbye. He asks Vince who makes the WWE a success, Vince answers, and it’s the WWE universe. He listens to them every day, and he bets they’re all thinking someone needs to shut his mouth. Vince says he has no right to compare himself to past stars like Shawn Michaels, Brett Hart, and Stone Cold Steve Austin. Punk cuts a promo on Austin, saying he got to the top with short-cuts and ducking people. Punk follows it up with a slap to Vince’s face. Vince gets back up and demands that Punk fights him tonight!
Back from break, Arnold Schwarzenegger is our social media ambassador tonight.
REY MYSTERIO/SIN CARA DEF TITUS O’NEAL/DARRIEN YOUNG – This was a general but entertaining tag match, if formulaic. Rey gets the win with a 619 and droppin’ the dime. This puts “Sinsterio” in the finals of the tournament to name #1 contenders to the WWE tag team title.
Backstage: Paul Heyman tries to talk Punk out of the match w/Vince McMahon, telling him even if he wins, they’ll both have a crazy billionaire dedicated, to making their lives miserable, after them. Punk says they have nothing to worry about.
Back from break, we get a double recap of Cena challenging Punk at Hell in the Cell, Punk slapping down Vince, and Vince making a main-event with him facing Punk.
SHEAMUS DEF WADE BARRETT (DQ) – Before the match, we get a recap of Sheamus getting Big Show DQ’d in his match against Tensai on last weeks’ Smackdown. Just as the match starts, Big Show comes out to sit at ringside. The match itself was just a good old fashioned brawl, with the momentum going back and forth until Tensai runs in to get payback and the DQ for Sheamus. Sheamus fights off his attackers but Big Show catches his foot, and dumps him over the ropes and out the ring. Show walks off smiling.
After the match, JR heads to the back to try and talk Vince out of the match. Vince makes JR call the match right there in front of him.
Back from break, Punk meets with GM AJ Lee, suggesting that the WWE BOD (board of directors) might not be happy with her letting her boss get beaten up. AJ calls Punk a coward, and Punk agrees to the match, saying whatever happens is on her “pretty little head.”
We get a look at Cena pushing the Susan G. Komen breast-cancer awareness campaign on “Kelly and Michael.” (Daytime TV. show)
Back from break, we get a recap of Antonio Cesaro taking out Brodus Clay with the “Neutralizer” on last weeks’ show. As Cesaro makes his way to the ring, we get a clip of Cesaro insulting Americans taste in cuisine, saying it’s only fit for swine.
U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO DEF TYSONN KIDD – Kidd actually gets in some nifty offense, but Cesaro finishes it convincingly with the “Neutralizer.”
We come back from break to Vicki Guerro introducing us to Mr. Money in the Bank, Dolph Ziggler. Michael Cole recaps Ziggler’s “Twitter feud” with Arnold Schwarzenegger, as Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto Del Rio, who drives out in an $110,000 Mazarati. WWE tag champions Daniel Bryan and Kane make their respective entrances, and we’re underway.
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS HELL NO (BRYAN/KANE) DEF ALBERTO DEL RIO AND DOLPH ZIGGLER – Face-paced, if by-the-numbers tag with plenty of highspots. Kane brings it home by tagging himself in and getting the choke-slam on Ziggler for the three-count.
Side Notes: Kane celebrates 15 years with WWE this month, and JBL calls Mil Mascaras (Del Rio’s grandfather,) the “most selfish man in the business.”
Recap: Punk slaps Vince
Backstage: JR tries to talk Vince out of the match, mentioning what happened to “The King.” Vince makes JR call the match in the old JR style right then and there, following that with a Rock reference.
“It doesn’t matter what you think!” – Vince McMahon
Back from break, Cole congratulates JBL on his successful climb of Mount Kilimanjaro to raise money for at-risk kids.
AND now we get a “Larry King NOW” segment. Broadcast legend Larry King comes out with wife # seven/eight/thirteen, whatever, and introduces Intercontinental Champion the Miz as his guest. Miz acts like a jerk, Larry brings out Kofi Kingston, Miz is a bigger jerk, Larry’s wife throws water in his face, Miz takes off his jacket, Kofi jumps Miz, and as they fight to the back, Larry and wife no. seven of eleven wave and smile to the people, feeling NO OBLIGATION WHATSOEVER to sell the brawl like it’s anything important.
“I’ve had more championships than you’ve had wives.” – The Miz
RHODES SCHOLARS VS SANTINO MORELLA/ZACK RYDER – Quick, simple tag team match w/Cody Rhodes and Damian Sandow advancing into the finals, after Cody hits the beautiful disaster while Santino tries to put on the sock puppet.
After the match, Santino take a beat-down from Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre, and Jinder Mahal. I don’t know why.
Backstage: Paul Heyman tries to talk Vince out of the match w/C.M. Punk. Vince asks Heyman if he knows when he is/isn’t lying.
“Don’t make CM Punk do to you, what Brock Lesnar did to Triple H.” – Heyman
WWE DIVAS CHAMPIONSHIP; EVE VS KAITLIN – Layla joins the commentary team while Eve makes Kaitlyn look good. Kaitlyn hits a back-breaker on Eve, aggravating the “injured” ankle. Eve wins with an ankle-lock submission, but refuses to let go. Layla runs in to break it up. Eve makes like she’s concerned for Kaitlyn. During the whole match, JBL kept riding Layla on her “conspiracy theory,” about how Eve got the title shot. It was like he was trying to get something out of her, but I’ll never know what.
Backstage: Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo are deciding where to go to eat. Josh Mathews comes in and tries to tell them about Randy Orton’s tweet. Del Rio tries to blow him off, but Josh reads the tweet. Orton is really looking forward to Smackdown. Del Rio gets concerned and bolts.
Twitter, the new weapon of intimidation; as confirmed by teen-age girls everywhere.
After a promo for the Susan G. Komen breast cancer awareness campaign, we get a bit where Daniel Bryan asks Larry for advice about dealing with the “goat face” comments. Kane steps in and they start with the arguing. Bryan yells at Kane for scaring off Larry. Kane thought it was Skeletor.
VINCENT KENNEDY MCMAHON VS WWE CHAMPION C.M. PUNK (NO CONTEST) – Punk jumps Vince from behind before the match even starts, and proceeds to toss him all over the arena floor. Funniest spot is Punk putting on a headset to mock Vince.
“WHAT A MANUVER!” – Punk to Vince
And then it goes to crap.
Vince not only turns the tide, but proceeds to BRUTALIZE Punk. He HURLS Punk across the announce table, and pounces on him. At one point, Vince grabs a Kendo stick, and Punk tries to RUN AWAY. He calls for Heyman to grab his belt, but Vince takes Heyman down and grabs it.
Punk comes back, and finds a Kendo stick of his own. We get a brief duel THAT VINCE WINS! Punk takes over with a low-blow and batters Vince with two kendo sticks. Punk goes for the GTS, but Ryback runs to the rescue. Punk tries to bail, but John Cena comes out to toss him back in. After taking a few bumps, Punk bails. Vince demands Punk choose to face Ryback or Cena at HITC by next week, or Vince will choose for him.
RYTMANS RANT
SERIOUSLY!? You really want to take this huge step back? After a solid first hour with decent matches, you wanna JOB OUT YOUR CHAMPION TO A 67 YEAR OLD MAN? YOU EXPECT TO SELL A PPV WITH THIS SH!T?
Was this some kind of jab at Lawler? Or a punishment because you blame Punk for what happened to him? Because I have NO idea what the logic here is.
MATCH RESULTS
DOLPH ZIGGLER DEF. RANDY ORTON – Match ends with Ziggler charging Orton in the corner, Orton swings up, Ziggler hits the post, Orton tries a school-boy roll-up, Ziggler reverses it for a three-count, holding the trunks.
SIN CARA/MYSTERIO DEF. TENSAI/CODY RHODES – Rey h0its the 619 on Cody but is outside the ring when he tags Sin Cara. Ref makes them re-tag and Cara hits a Swanton for three.
C.M. PUNK (WWE CHAMPION) VS SHEAMUS (WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION) – Doesn’t happen; Punk in street clothes decides to take a personal day and leaves.
SHEAMUS DEF. JACK SWAGGER – Sheamus wins with the Texas Clover leaf leg-lock. After the match, Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez attack Sheamus. Ricardo winds up taking a brogue-kick meant for Del Rio. He sells it so long I start to think he’s legit hurt.
EVE DEF. KAITLYN – Eve wins with a neck-breaker. Match is booked to make Eve look like she’s playing nice until she gets an opening for a cheap shot.
RYBACK DEF. JINDER MAHAL – Ryback scores the pin with the meat-hook.
KANE & DANIEL BRYAN “HUG OUT” – So, after a series of “anger management” sketches, Bryan and Kane agree to meet in the ring. General Manager AJ lets us decide their fate via “Twitter poll.” The WWE universe votes for them to “hug it out.” Meaning they have to hug each other.
They have to hug each other.
Yeah
After stalling a good few minutes, Bryan eventually hugs Kane. Kane eventually hugs Bryan. They eventually hug each other. Then they start shoving each other. Then they start fighting. It ends with Bryan knocking Kane off the top rope with a chair.
U.S. CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: ANTONIO CESARO (U.S. CHAMPION) DEF. SANTINO MORELLA – Santino spends the entire match trying to make up his mind about using the cobra. Cesaro finishes this farce with his pile-driver variation.
ZACK RYDER DEF. HEATH SLATER – Ryder wins with the rough-rider.
ALBERTO DEL RIO DEF. JOHN CENA: FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE – A scary brawl that actually spilled out all the way to backstage. Cena throws Del Rio through the interview area and gives him the AA. Alberto lands on a luggage container and C.M. PUNK hits Cena with a kick to the head out of nowhere. Punk pulls Del Rio on Cena for a three-count, and then Cena takes a GTS face first onto Punk’s car. As the car drives off, PAUL HEYMAN looks out the window and winces.
THE GOOD
• THE FINISH – The main event was actually exciting. Nice to see people who understand what “falls count anywhere” means. Punk getting Del Rio a win over Cena was the right way to get people hyped for the PPV. Paul Heymans cameo as Punks driver got me excited. I am marking out big-time for the possibility of him teaming up with Punk.
• ANGER MANAGEMENT – As stupid as these bits are, at least Kane and Bryan have made them watchable. Funny moment was when they both bailed on “Harold;” during a trust fall exercise, and the “doctor” losing his patients with his patients.
THE BAD
Oh God, where to begin?
• COMMENTARY – Intercontinental champion The Miz joined the commentary team tonight. It was weird. Miz and Michael Cole seemed to be taking turns playing face. Oddly enough, Cole seemed to be working as the face announcer most of the night. It was kind of confusing. When Divas Champ Layla came out to join them for the Kaitlin/Eve match, Miz jumped all over her. They got into a Jerry Springer like shouting match with Cole desperately playing ref, with NO-ONE playing attention to the match.
• EVE VS KAITLIN – Actually decent; but BURIED by Miz and Layla bitching each other out. Also, Eve gets the win and makes a big show of offering Layla a handshake. You can see their feud coming a mile away, so what’s the point of making Kaitlin #1 contender if you want to do an Eve/Layla program? Why didn’t they just make Eve #1 contender?
• THE HUG – Screw you WWE universe. You’re buying into the WWE BS and voting for what they want you to vote for. You are getting the show you deserve.
THE UGLY
• AJ – Sweet mother, can we pull the plug on this experiment already? This whole night seemed to be more about AJ losing control than anything else. From people walking out on her to the breakdown in the ring, it’s like WWE wanted to make some point about any woman NOT named McMahon being in charge. Unless they’re setting up a Zach Ryder sized de-push, they need to have AJ quit this job and reactivate her as an active roster member so she can kill Vicki.
• VICKI AND “INVISIBLE” AJ – Just stop. Please just stop. Wrestling doesn’t do topical humor. Wrestling doesn’t need to do topical humor. For those playing along at home, Clint Eastwood was a guest speaker at the Republican National Convention last week, and did a “bit” with an empty chair representing Barack Obama. Vicki decided to pick up on this and do the same thing with AJ. It wasn’t funny. It wasn’t even relevant to the show, because AJ showed up.
• SANTINO’S “COBRA” – George Steel Is face palming this crap.
RYTMANS RANT
WHY ARE WE BOOKING THIS GODDMN SHOW?!?
Seriously, what is the deal with the twitter polls? Why not just let us book the whole damn show via twitter? AND WHY WOULD WE VOTE FOR A HUG!? AND WHY DID WE!?!?!?
I just…..
Ugh.
Friday Night Smackdown hopping time! Shall we?
(more…)
Triple H kicks off RAW tonight, and gets a huge ovation from the Orlando crowd. He reminds us that Donald Trump bought RAW, and Vince McMahon bought it back for double the price a week later. Meanwhile, something exciting happened – the celebrity guest host. The Game is here to announce tonight’s host. He was in Buffy and Austin Power, he’s also on Family Guy and is a co-creator of Robot Chicken. His name is Seth Green – and his theme song is Welcome To The Jungle. He’s thrilled to be here hosting RAW. he can do whatever he wants, pick the matches and whatnot. So the first thing he’s going to do is make a six diva swimsuit summer spectactular. It’s in the spirit of athletic competition, of course. Triple H sees it his way. It’s the kind of outside the box thinking that makes The Game a fan of Robot Chicken. They put celebrities in the most bizarre situations. The premiere episode has, potentially, the biggest star on the planet (according to Triple H), Triple H.
Clip of Triple H on Robot Chicken, getting his ass kicked by Dakota Fanning, until John Cena turns on her.
Triple H says that didn’t really happen. Triple H has experience fighting whiny little girls since his first match with Randy Orton. Triple H says that may be true, but he never said that. Randy Orton and Dakota Fanning have one thing in common – no male genatalia.
I hear voices in my head…
Orton says he’s got something Triple H don’t – the WWE Championship. He says that if Seth Green wants to take shots at Orton, he should know that Orton has somewhat of an anger management issue. He won’t hesitate to punt somebody in the head or RKO them no matter how big or pathetically small they might be. Triple H suggests himself vs. Orton for the main event. Orton says Green doesn’t wanna do that, since Cena and Triple H are already losing to him at Night of Champions. Triple H says he’ll just drop him right now. Orton has nothing to say to Triple H until Night of Champions, and he’s got nothing to say to Seth Green either. He then asks Green why he’s here. Maybe it’s so somebody might mistake him from being a real man. Green tells Orton he might be interested in tonight’s main event. It’s going to be Randy Orton and Legacy taking on Triple H and John Cena. Oh yeah, and their partner Seth Green.
Kelly Kelly is wasting valuable television time wandering aimlessly in the general direction of the ring in a bikini.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
The following is a chance for me to go grab some dinner Six Diva Summer Swimsuit Spectacular or something stupid like that. Screw this, I’m going to get some dinner.
Alicia Fox, Rosa Mendez, & Maryse def. Mickie James, Gail Kim, & Kelly Kelly
It’s your weekly multi-diva clusterf*(#, now with bikinis. BORING. I seriously went to get some dinner and came back in time to see Maryse pin Mickie James.
Seth Green runs into Chris Jericho backstage. Chris Jericho says he’s the guy who made a career of mocking Star Wars after claiming to be a big fan, and is now doing the same thing to the WWE. He needs to cater to Chris Jericho. Robot Chicken is apparently going on a roller skating tour with the band Gym Class Heroes for free. Green tells Jericho that if he’s going to bring negativity to the show, he might as well just leave. Jericho says he’s got something to say, and he’s going to say it whether Green likes it or not.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
WWE Slam of the Week – Carlito beat the crap out of his brother after they failed to beat Jericho and Edge for the Unified Tag Team Championships last week.
Primo is in the ring with a microphone and speaking Spanish. He calls out Carlito. He doesn’t get him though. What he gets is the best part of RAW, The Miz! Miz asks where Carlito is. He’s probably doing something more important, like getting a cup of coffee. So since Maryse is probably watching, The Miz is going to leave Primo laying in the middle of the ring like the rejected brother he is, because he’s The Miz, and he’s… AWESOME!
The Miz vs. Primo
Primo and The Miz put on a pretty good match, until Carlito interrupts and allows The Miz to hit a reverse Russian leg sweep for the victory.
After the match, Carlito spits in the face of his brother, who apparently don’t want to be cool.
Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler talk about Edge’s injury and what could happen with the Unified Tag Team Championships.
Still to come, Legacy take on Triple H, John Cena, and Seth Green.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
WWE Rewind: Hornswoggle defeated Chavo Guerrero on Superstars last Thursday.
Hornswoggle is hanging out with somebody his own size backstage. Seth Green tells him tonight it’s going to be Chavo vs. Hornswoggle, and Chavo will have one arm tied behind his back. The Big Show shows up, and Green asks him for advice. Show says to watch his match with Evan Bourne and see how guys his size fare in the WWE. He then says he’ll give some advice to Green, but it’ll cost him… One Million Dollars muwahahahahahahaha.
MVP makes his way to the ring for action. His opponent is the guy who just a week ago said he wouldn’t fight him, Jack Swagger.
MVP vs. Jack Swagger
A very entertaining match that sees Swagger drop MVP with the gutwrench powerbomb (or, as our good friend Green Teabagger calls it, The All-American American’s All-American American Americanator!) for the victory. I’d write more about it, but I’m still eating my meal from that stupid Diva thing earlier in the night.
Chris Jericho is carrying a folder and walking toward the ring.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
We know some of you may be eating, but here, enjoy these graphic pictures of Edge’s surgery on his Achille’s Tendon.
And now, please welcome his tag team partner, Chris Jericho!
Jericho says that for the first time in WWE history, the Unified Tag Team Champions are held by one man, and it’s appropriate that that man is the best in the world today, Chris Jericho. He finds it ironic that both Edge and Achilles were great warriors for their time and were taken down by injuries to their Achilles heel. Jericho lists Edge’s injuries and claims he was taking a chance by taking Edge on as a partner. It’s not fair to Jericho that he should have to suffer for Edge’s faults. He’s not giving up his titles. He’s got a contract with him that says that if Edge is injured, Jericho could chose a new tag team partner and remain tag team champion. Before Night of Champions, he’ll pick a devious, cunning partner who is worthy of being in the ring with Jericho, and he’ll also be a truthful, honest man.
Somebody gonna get they ass kicked…
Mark Henry makes his way to the ring, smiling. He enters, and Jericho smiles back. He says Henry is impressive, and just the type of partner Jericho had in mind. Henry puts his arm around Jericho and tells him that they could do unbelievable things. He asks Orlando if they think they’d be a good team. Henry says that he’s not out here to be his partner. Jericho’s look of confidence turns to a look of fear, and Henry tells him he’s out here to be his opponent.
Mark Henry def. Chris Jericho via count-out
Henry tears the suit off of Chris Jericho and tosses him around like a rag doll. Jericho takes some time outside the ring to regroup – and to take off his tie. He stalls as the fans chant “you suck.” He finally gets in the ring and the match officially starts. Henry tosses Jericho around as the announcers theorize that this is punishment for Jericho’s attitude with guest host Seth Green earlier. Jericho gets knocked down, and hightails it out of there, getting counted out in the process, much like Cody Rhodes last week.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Hornswoggle is here and ready for his match with Chavo Guerrero, who will have one hand tied behind his back.
Hornswoggle def. Chavo Guerrero
Ugh. Hornswoggle used a stinkface. Chavo goes for a one armed suplex, but Hornswoggle rolled him up for the pin instead.
Randy Orton is proud of Ted DiBiase for slapping his dad last week. DiBiase says he never wants to be like his old man. He’ll be better. Cody Rhodes says that his father might be the guest host last week, and unlike some people he has a great relationship with is dad. Orton instructs his Legacy mates to not touch Seth Green in this match, because Orton wants him for himself.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Kofi Kingston is on his way to the ring to do commentary for the following matchup. Evan Bourne is out first for this matchup, and his opponent is The Big Show.
Evan Bourne vs. The Big Show
Show dominates, with a little of Evan Bourne offense. Show hits a huge spear and locks in the Camel Clutch for the victory.
Show refuses to break the hold, but Kofi Kingston runs into the ring to make the safe. Kofi will face Big Show this Thursday on Superstars.
The Robot Chicken Star Wars Episode II DVD comes out next week. They show a clip, which I seriously wish was a clip from the first Star Wars episode with Hulk Hogan voicing Abe Lincoln against Jedi George Bush.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
We get a rundown of the Night of Champions card.
Backstage, Santino is playing with action figures, making his own figure knock out the Iron Shiek and kiss Trish Stratus. He asks Seth Green for a job on his show, “Electric Poultry.” Cena and Triple H join them and Santino leaves. Cena tells Green that if he abandons them he’ll beat him up. Triple H tells him it’s not the size of the dog in the fight, yadda yadda yadda. Cena and Triple H argue over who’s going to watch out for Green, and Cena says it doesn’t matter who protects him, he’s gonna get killed anyway. Triple H agrees.
Michael Cole reveals next week’s guest hosts for Monday Night RAW. That’s right, I said hosts, plural. They are…. ZZ TOP!
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
(Thanks to Mr. Random Randomness, JT for covering the rest of the show)
Legacy Comes out first, we get reminded that Orton wants Seth Green to himself (like that’s really gonna happen). Seth Green comes out to “Welcome To The Jungle.” I wonder if Axl knows WWE is using his song. HHH out next. He spits water, it’s supposed to be cool or something. He’s also like a foot taller than Seth. Oh yeah he’s also on the cover of some muscle magazine. Cena out last to mostly cheers, he now has John Deere looking gear. Michael Cole says “this is what it’s all about.” Sorry Cole it really isn’t. We then go to a…
Commercial Break- The Taco Bell Bacon Potato Burrito is pretty good, you should try it. The G.I. Joe movie looks awesome, too bad I’ll be out of town when it comes out. 🙁
Legacy def. John Cena, Triple H, and Seth Green via disqualification
We fade to black with Legacy at the top of the ramp and Cena and HHH with Seth Green on hos shoulders standing tall in the ring.
My Thoughts: Seth Green should not be wrestling. Guest hosting is one thing, but getting involved in a professional wrestling match is another. The wrestlers are trained professionals, and as Edge’s latest injury has proven, even they get severely hurt doing what they do for a living. Seth Green is not a wrestler. Seth Green is an actor – one who’s work I actually enjoy. He’s got no business getting into the ring in a wrestling capacity. Look, I’m all for this guest host thing. I like it, it gives RAW an air of mainstream acceptance, and sure, Seth Green actually wrestling on Monday Night RAW will probably get some TMZ or Entertainment Tonight coverage, but is it really worth risking the poor guy’s health and career to have him step in and participate in something he’s not extensively trained to do?
Why aren’t Legacy complaining about not knowing who they have to face at Night of Champions? That fits their characters, even if their opponents are also heels. Hell, I don’t think Rhodes and DiBiase were even mentioned in Chris Jericho’s promo about the Unified Tag Team Championship match at Night of Champions, and they’re the challengers.
This show just wasn’t very good. I just hope that ZZ Top don’t jump in and challenge DiBiase and Rhodes to a Night of Champions warm up match next week.
I’m on the official BWF WrestleMania week schedule for today, so here I am with my final WrestleMania week article (save for the SmackDown review that should be coming later today.) For the record, I didn’t hate the fact that LK didn’t talk about WrestleMania during his column this week, though I appreciate the fact that he posted his thoughts yesterday. Anyways, moving on:
WWE Unified WWE Tag Team Championship: The Miz & John Morrison vs. Primo & Carlito
For the record, GreenTeabagger also has his predictions for the show in the latest edition of Anger Management at fellow BWF Network site VinceRussoWatchesHisBeardGrow.com. In any event, while the Colóns are talented wrestlers in their own right, The Miz and John Morrison are a proven commoddity with both sets of WWE Tag Team Championships – not to mention that despite being the heels, the fans care about them and actually like them more than they do SmackDown’s Primo and Carlito. Miz and Morrison take this.
25 Diva Clusterf*#k Battle Royal
We know most of the Divas in the match, but if one of the ones we don’t know is one who has walked out of WrestleMania with the Women’s Championship the most in the past, Trish Stratus is the only one deserving of the title “Miss WrestleMania.” If she’s not in it, the win will somehow go to Mae Young, even if she’s not actually involved during the bulk of the match.
Money in the Bank Ladder Match
I’ve seen Kane’s name come up numerous times over the course of the week as the guy most people are picking to win MiTB. They’re also expecting him to cash in and lose to John Cena. Personally, the only one I can see picking up the win here is MVP. MVP stuck it out through that stupid losing streak gimmick, which was allegedly a test to see if he’s in this for the long haul. The story goes that the WWE didn’t want another Rock or Bobby Lashley on their hands, so they used the losing streak to see if MVP believed in the company enough to stick it out through jobbing left and right. He did, and now he’s on a hot streak and in the Money In The Bank ladder match. WWE sees MVP as somebody with star potential. Others have predicted that since he’s going into the match as United States Champion, he’s not likely to win. I got news for you guys. Rob Van Dam won the Intercontinental Championship (against Shelton Benjamin, no less) after winning the MiTB match at WrestleMania 22, before going on to win the WWE Championship soon after that at June’s ECW One Night Stand. MVP is my pick, but don’t expect him to cash it in tomorrow night.
Intercontinental Championship: JBL vs. Rey Mysterio
As much as I hated to hear that Tazz has parted ways with World Wrestling Entertainment, the rumors about this being JBL’s last match were given one more ounce of truth with the news. I enjoyed JBL as a commentator on SmackDown before his return to the ring early last year, and I’m looking forward to hearing him again each and every Friday night. That said, even though I’m sure the plan in JBL’s mind is to retire as Intercontinental Champion, I’m going to pick Rey Rey to pick up the title here. It just makes sense to me. BALLGAME!
Chris Jericho vs. WWE Legends
It’s sad that Jericho is being wasted away here. He’s one of the best heels in the business, and the fact that he had to literally fight off angry fans at a live event in Victoria, British Columbia earlier this year just proves that. So he’s stuck facing three WWE Legends who are representing Mickey Rourke and, essentially, Ric Flair. Afa the Wild Samoan is in town for ‘Mania, so I expect him to get involved in some way, shape, or form. Picking the Legends in this one.
Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy
On any given night, Shawn Michaels can steal the show. Especially if that night is WrestleMania. That said, he’s going to have some competition this year, especially if you’re a fan of hardcore (or as the WWE calls it now, Extreme Rules) matches. The buildup to this match has been really good, and the fact that the last time WWE had a brother vs. real-life brother match at WrestleMania, it gave Shawn Michaels’ show stealing performance a run for it’s money at WrestleMania X should give you an idea of what we’re in store for here. There’s no way, with everything Matt’s put Jeff through over the past six months, that Jeff lets his brother get the best of him. Jeff Hardy to win it here.
World Heavyweight Championship: Edge vs. The Big Show vs. John Cena
I’d like to take a moment to thank everybody that didn’t go to see 12 Rounds, particularly those who filled out the WWE produced survey about why you didn’t with the answer “I have no interest in seeing a movie with John Cena in it.” They’re maybe, finally, about to realize how stale Cena’s truly become. Which, of course, would mean that Edge is going to retain the World Heavyweight Championship, since there’s no way in hell they give Show a run with the title at this point. Edge is my pick.
Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker
Attention all WWE, TNA, and up and coming wrestling bookers. Watch the last month of WWE programming, and skip everything that doesn’t involve Shawn Michaels or The Undertaker. That is how you book a match that people want to see. HBK’s gotten the better of The Undertaker on every occasion so far, which leads me to believe that the deadman is going to increase his streak to 17-0.
WWE Championship: Triple H vs. Randy Orton
Not to steal Legend Killer’s “head vs. heart” way of doing things, but despite the fact that my head is telling me that there is no way Orton is walking out of WrestleMania as the WWE Champion for the second straight year, my gut feeling is that there’s no way he loses. He’s on such an incredible roll, he’s got such momentum going into this match, and it just feels like he’s got this one in the bag. My mind is better at predicting things than my gut though, so I have to, reluctantly, choose Triple H to win.
Well, folks, hope you’ve enjoyed WrestleMania week here at Bored Wrestling Fan. Drowgoddess is out and about in Houston taking in the festivities, and hopefully should be around later this weekend to give us her insights on things.