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RAW 7.4.11

July 4, 2011 11:17 pm 8 Comments

Ladies and gentlemen, I exist!! I missed you all so much, and I wanna say thanks to the boss man, ThinkSoJoE and Gee, both of which have covered for me a lot lately. I appreciate it. Unfortunately, my situation’s a bit of a bitchy one. I may not be able to cover RAW for you all on a weekly basis. It turns out that I only get my schedule Friday or Saturday nights, and it only covers a week. I never know if I’m working Monday nights during RAW or not. So, I may end up just being a guest reviewer again. I’m sorry!! But, I’ll cover it as long as I’m able!

Anyway, enough of that. Happy Fourth of July everyone! I hope you enjoy it, and I hear fireworks going off now, but I’m ignoring them for the first time in my LIFE to write the RAW Review for you all, since I have been unable to do so for a while. Also, I don’t know what’s been going on. I know Punk got suspended/fired/fed the fuck up, but that’s all I know. Also, thanks to WWE’s FaceBook page, I know that we’ll have a Triple Threat Match between R-Truth, Alberto Del Rio and Rey Mysterio to see who will face John Cena at Money in the Bank for the WWE Championship! OH GOODIE!

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR TABLES HURT ME!

John Cena makes his way to the ring with considerably less pomp and circumstance than normal. He looks unhappy… Wonder why. Cena says that there’s major unrest in the WWE Universe. Apparently, Punk said some things that didn’t quite mesh too well with the brass in the WWE. So much so that because of his recent outburst, the WWE has suspended him indefinitely. What that means Is he’s also stripped of his right to compete in his last match in his hometown to face John for the WWE Championship. The WWE has thrown together a Triple Threat match to find a replacement Number One Contender. As for CM Punk, we are just supposed to sweep him under the rug, ignore his accomplishments, outbursts, legacy, and pretend he never existed. John’s never seen eye-to-eye with Punk and he has a voice, and he’s weighing in on the WWE’s decision, and he says it sucks. Punk and John don’t agree on everything, especially Punk’s concept of loyalty to the WWE brand. But Punk has been suspended for speaking his mind, telling everyone how he feels? John knows exactly it’s a PG show and knows what he can and cannot say, but John found nothing wrong with it, despite not agreeing with it. His question to us, the WWE Universe, is where does this stop? Where does the WWE stop? There was an incident where Daniel Bryan was fired for being too aggressive. There’s speculation that WWE can confiscate signs we make. And Punk has been suspended indefinitely for speaking his mind? The audience is chanting First Amendment. John looks like the Kool-Aid Man in jorts. Does the audience have to act a certain way? Cena says that the program is bigger than emails back and forth, so there will be no more back and forth with an anonymous GM during his tirade. Cena was answers from Mr. McMahon. Vince is on his way tonight and promises to be in the building. And when Vince gets there, they’re going to talk it out in the ring, not backstage. And Vince has some ‘splainin to do. More importantly, we will hear first hand from our WWE Champion that he wants to face CM Punk at Money in the Bank.

Oh, God. Next up, the fakey-Champ, Kelly Kelly and Eve are facing the whores. Just saying.

@KeepItFiveStar “I called Vince McMahon earlier today. He is on speed dial. I have him #6 He’s in my group known as AC/DC buddies” – John Cena

@ThingsColeSays OMG, Cena’s not running to the ring! He must be SUPER CEREAL.

@HitTheRopes Haven’t read the spoilers but I’ll assume the Divas match ends under 2 minutes. #WWE

@Niki_Sushi I don’t know ’bout y’all, but I refuse to Chris Benoit @CMPunk. #BWF #RAW #ImSuspended

@KeepItFiveStar Kelly Kelly has moved on from Justin Gabriel with the new man in her life, Eve Torres.

Hey, look! The Miz finally gave up the Money in the Bank briefcase!

The Bella Twins vs. Diva’s Champion Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres

… Don’t get me wrong, okay. I believe that women can wrestle very well. I just don’t believe these women (and Eve) can wrestle well. That’s all.

Anyway. I’m sure there was a match, but I was trying to develop X-Ray vision to see through the house behind me to see the fireworks. It didn’t work.

Divas Champion Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres win via pinfall.

Hey, Andy won WWE Tough Enough. Whoever that was.

R-Truth is on the phone with Flo, from Progressive about getting him some insurance. Scott Stanford interrupts and says that he wants Truth’s thoughts on the Triple Threat match and getting another chance against Cena. Truth says he should be rewarded a title match, not having to compete in the Triple Threat match. A conspiracy. The good news is he saved 15% by switching over to Geico on his car insurance (…). The bad news, someone’s gonna get got. He turns around to see Alberto del Rio and then says “First Little Jimmy, now Senor Jimmy?!” Rio says it’s all about destiny, and his destiny is to become the new WWE Champion, but… Truth already knows that.

@HitTheRopes Truth is talking to Flo? Is it Aunt Flo? Is Truth on the rag? #WWE

@CMPunkSays OK, he was just talking to the Progressive lady, and now he plugs GEICO? They have no idea what they’re talking about, do they? #WWE

@KeepItFiveStar You see what had happen was Kelly Kelly & her Sindel screaming popped the Bellas eardrums. She took advantage and got the win. She cheated

@KeepItFiveStar Kelly Kelly with her Bugs Bunny style of sexual harassment offense

@kickoutblog Eve’s rump-shaking moonsault is as bad as Victoria’s. #SheAintALadyToMessWit

@seraphalexiel Random: I remember the time when Brie went to Maria to make her two of the exact same wrestling gear when they didn’t admit Nikki existed

@ULTIMATEMARKOUT YOU CAN LOOK BUT YOU CAN’T WRESTLE

Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov vs. WWE Tag Team Champions David Otunga and Michael McGuillicutty

I’m mad they came out to CM Punk’s music. Put it back to that “We Are One” bullshit. THAT’S RIGHT! PUT IT BACK! Hey, wait. Otunga, this is your chance to take that shit over! Oh, wait, you suck.

Otunga and Marella start it out with Otunga pushing Santino back and Santino tells him to try it again. Otunga does it again and Santino fakes a kick to Otunga, who returns by dropping Santino to the ground painfully. Otunga Whips Santino, who jumps over Otunga and goes for the Cobra. Otunga runs out of the ring, however, and then climbs back in, tagging in McGuillicutty. McGuillicutty kicks Santino, then drops him to the ground. McGuillicutty stands him up, and Santino punches him before dropping him and smacking his head against the turnbuckle. Kozlov gets tagged in and goes for a quick cover, but McGuillicutty kicks out. Kozlov drives some hard shoulders into McGuillicutty, then tags in Santino. Santino is then thrown into McGuillicutty’s torso and goes for a cover. It doesn’t work and he tags in Kozlov, who dominates McGuillicutty, dropping him onto the top ropes. Kozlov goes to throw McGuillicutty, but Otunga distracts him and McGuillicutty takes advantage, quickly tagging in Otunga, both of them double-teaming Kozlov. Otunga kicks Kozlov in the head and then goes for a cover, but Kozlov kicks out. Santino starts a Kozlov chant and Kozlov starts to fight back, but Otunga stops him and tags in McGuillicutty. The two try to suplex him, but Kozlov double suplexes them instead and tags in Santino, who blocks McGuillicutty’s hit and then hits him back, avoiding both of them trying to get him with a split. Santino dive-head butts McGuillicutty, and then sets up the Cobra, but has to hit Otunga with it. McGuillicutty takes advantage and hits Santino with a swinging neckbreaker for the win.

WWE Tag Team Champions David Otunga and Michael McGuillicutty win via pinfall.

OOOH RADIO, TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW!

OMFG IT’S ZACK!

“Woo woo woo. You know it.”

That’s it. I think that he’s definitely throwing down a challenge, and no one’s smart enough to get it.

Money in the Bank ladder match participants: Swagger, Kofi, Rey, Evan, Truth, Rio, Riley, Miz. (unless Truth, Rey, or Rio win tonight).

Coming up tonight, Alex Riley will face The Miz again, one on one.

@dasharpshooters David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty cannot use CM Punk’s theme. Thats like JTG using Shawn Michaels’ music. #wwe #raw

@KeepItFiveStar ZACK RYDER!!!!

@CMPunkSays RYDER RYDER RYDER #WWE

@JRosz78 Oh SHIT Ryder on my tv!!!!!!!

@kickoutblog Webgasm on the way. Zack Ryder is here.

@Niki_Sushi Twitter just blew up. #BWF #RAW #RyderRevolution

!HitTheRopes Holy hell @ZackRyder just made a Raw moment. Don’t know what that moment is but it’s a moment. #WWE

@redsandman99 Zack Ryder appears and 99% of my timeline jizzed themselves.

Vince still has to come out and answer us.

Scott Stanford tells Miz he’s never beat Riley and tonight, are we going to see something new? Miz says that CM Punk has been suspended so there’s another golden opportunity to be WWE Champion, but he wasn’t picked because of Alex Riley. Riley’s a nuisance who sent him off course. Miz could have kicked him to the curb a long time ago, but Miz gave him an opportunity, one that he abused. Miz brought him into the WWE, and he will take him out tonight. It all ends tonight. Because he’s the Miz, and he’s awesome.

Evan and Sgt. Slaughter are backstage, and Evan says that they’re lucky to have him out here tonight. Sgt. Slaughter says that he’s happy to be there to lead everyone in the Pledge of Allegiance. Swagger says that Slaughter was around when the country got their independence, and Swagger should lead the WWE Universe in the Pledge. Slaughter says that everyone makes mistake: him, Evan, Jack’s parents by not using birth control. Swagger says Slaughter should make a mistake by getting in the ring with Swagger.

Now we see “earlier tonight” that McMahon’s jet has landed.

Later tonight, a Triple Threat match with Truth vs Rey vs Alberto.

@Niki_Sushi DAMMIT @WWEUniverse! YOU SHOULD’VE WARNED ME ABOUT EVAN! I JUST SQUEE’D MYSELF! #BWF #RAW

@CMPunkSays Someone call GLAAD! Oh wait, he said “maggot.” False alarm. #WWE #Raw

Jack Swagger vs. Sgt. Slaughter

Slaughter and Swagger lock up, then Swagger breaks it with a knee to Slaughter’s gut. He then backs Slaughter into a corner and Slaughter starts fighting back, delivering hard hits to Swagger’s chest. Slaughter starts to Whip Swagger, but Swagger counters. Slaughter locks in the Cobra Clutch, but Swagger manages to fight out. Swagger bounces off the ropes to belly-flop on Slaughter and goes for the cover.

Jack Swagger wins via pinfall.

Swagger then locks in the ankle lock on Slaughter, only for Evan to come out. @Niki_Sushi just lost her mind. Evan chases Swagger out of the ring and talks to the ref to help Slaughter out, and keeps an eye on Swagger as well, who seems to have injured his pride pretty deeply. Evan gets a microphone for Slaughter, and Slaughter starts the Pledge of Allegiance.

Up next, the Triple Threat Number One Contender match.

@Niki_Sushi Guess the Sarge’s chin just wasn’t into the match.. #BWF #RAW

@CMPunkSays EVAN BOURNE IS AMERICA, AND SO CAN YOU #WWE #Raw

@kickoutblog I was really hoping Sarge would’ve turned on Bourne there and formed an All-American alliance with Jackie Swaggs.

Alberto del Rio vs R-Truth (and his lame intro) vs Rey Mysterio

1) Where the FUCK is Ricardo Rodriguez? Wait, I’m sure I actually missed this in the past few weeks. Nevermind.

2) GET SOME GODDAMN THEME MUSIC, R-TRUTH! The overwhelming sound of boos that greets you is about to become your permanent theme.

… Anyway, let’s get on with the match. Because I love more than two people in the ring at a time.

Rio starts immediately on Truth, and Rey goes to town on Rio, then on Truth. Rio delivers a harsh kick to Rey’s knee, then head. Rio throws Rey into a turnbuckle, but Rey moves when Rio tries to jump on him. Rey starts for Truth, but Rio dropkicks him in the head. Rio kicks Truth in the head, then tries to grab Truth before Truth rolls out. Rio then focuses on Rey again, going for a quick cover, but Rey kicks out. Rio Whips Rey, who holds onto the ropes and ducks, sending Rio through them and onto the floor.

Truth gets back in the ring and Rey’s focus is on Rio, but Truth spins and does some purty thing to distract Rey. Truth goes for the cover, but Rey kicks out. Truth pounds on Rey’s head and screams ‘What’s up now?!’, which gets his theme going again. Truth stomps on Rey, who rolls under the bottom rope and falls right out of the ring. Truth follows him out and slaps him right by the audience. Truth then throws Rey head first into the guard rail, and focuses on Rio, throwing him into the fan barrier guard rail thingamajig too. Truth turns his focus back to Rey and kicks him in the stomach. Rey gets back in the ring, and truth goes for another cover, but Rey kicks out. Rey stands up, but Truth follows and Whips him into the other turnbuckle, going for another quick cover. Rey kicks out at two again. Truth argues with the ref.

New block! Truth goes right back to beating on Rey before stepping on his neck. Truth stands Rey up and pimp slaps that ho for not giving him is money! Slaps Rey, but something happens and Truth goes out to beat up Rio for a minute. Rey starts to fight back on Truth, back in the ring, and Truth side-slams Rey. Truth goes for another cover, but Rey kicks out again. Rio comes back into the ring by attacking Truth and then going after Rey again. Rey kicks Rio in the face and Rey then hurricanranas Rio. Truth focuses on Rey again and throws Rey into the turnbuckle. Rey and Truth are on the turnbuckle and Rio fights Truth. Rio gets Truth on his shoulders, Rey then launches on both of them. And-

@HitTheRopes The fact that Mysterio is wearing white just makes Truth seem even darker.

@KeepItFiveStar What the hell is with Rey’s titantron? He’s trying to cause seizures! What a horrible person.

@Niki_Sushi Alberto Del Rio isn’t nearly as cool as he thinks he is. Ricardo Rodriguez brought it all to the table. #RAW #BWF #ButYouAlreadyKnewThat

@HitTheRopes Mark Henry rewind = someone’s gonna get their ass kicked. #WWE

@TKeep123 “Say the pledge, damn it!” -What Slaughter is thinking…. #WWR #RAW #BWF

OHSHITSORRYGOTDISTRACTED!

Rio is owning Rey now. Rey is Whipped across the ring and starts to show momentum, but Rio puts a stop to that and goes for a cover, but Rey kicks out. Rey tries to hide in the corner, but Rio follows and Whips him into another buckle. Rey gives a drop toe hold to Rio, sending his face right into the turnbuckle. Truth is on the apron and sends his shoulder into Rey’s abdomen. Rey stops Truth from lifting Rey off his feet and Rio does something, and then Truth is pimp slapping smacking Rio, then Truth tries to pin Rio. Truth then drops Rey onto his stomach and goes for a cover, but Rio breaks the cover. Rio hits the Codbreaker Backstabber whatever it was on Truth and Rey breaks up the pin. Rio then takes it out on Rey and Rey puts his knee in Rio’s face, but Truth breaks up the pin. I hate Triple Threat matches.

Truth gets Rey to his feet, kicks him in the stomach, then hits the scissor kick Lie Detector and goes for a cover, but Rio breaks the pin. Rio throws Truth into a corner, but Truth dives out of the way when Rio comes at him. Rey hits the 619, climbs up, and then hits the seated Senton. Rio comes in with the cross arm breaker and it’s all over.

Alberto del Rio wins via submission.

John Cena still needs to confront Vince McMahon about CM Punk. That needs to hurry up and get here.

@HitTheRopes What a loser Rey is. He tapped immediately. He didn’t even try to see if Truth would try to break the submission. #Reycist #WWE

@imababyface thats not vintage del rio…thats vintage Carlito!

@WWE_Creative Density has bought Alberto Del Rio to the #1 Contender Slot. #RAWTonight

I am perfection!!!

Holy shit, Dolph is important again! … Well, important-ish.

Vickie and United States Champion Dolph Ziggler make their way to the ring, where there’s a whole celebration set up. Vickie says it’s a special night and we’re celebrating the USA’s birthday! And, since Ziggler is OUR United States Champion, she thought (her first mistake) it’d be fitting if we gave him a birthday to him as well. So, let’s all join her in singing. But, that’s not about to happen. Oh, minus those five people. And Cole.

Vickie sings like Jillian Hall, just lower octave. That’s all.

She asks if he wants to tell us his wish before she blows out his candle-I MEAN HE BLOWS OUT HIS CANDLES!

Dolph says we have no idea how good we have it, witnessing the finest superstar in his prime, or something, and there will never be another Dolph Ziggler. They don’t have an idea what it’s like to be a natural in the ring. Forget Punk, Cena, the WWE Title, and as long as he’s the United States Champion, this is the only title we need to make Monday Night RAW perfection.

Kofi comes out and says that we’re gonna have a party and not invite him? That’s messed up. He guesses Dolph could come out and brag all day and have a party title celebration, but the fact of the matter is that without Vickie in his corner, Dolph cannot beat Kofi. Dolph says he got dis. Kofi, he and Dolph used to be toe to toe, but Kofi’s still here (low), and Dolph’s on his way here (high) (Hahaha, there’s a joke there). Dolph just left him in the dust, so in case Kofi didn’t notice, they’re having a party so BEAT IT! BEAT IT! NO ONE WATNS TO BE DEFEATED! Something happens, but I was jamming to Michael Jackson in my head and Vickie ends up ass first in the cake. Kofi and Dolph fight, and Kofi sends Dolph into Vickie, who ends up torso first in the cake. Vickie doesn’t scream this time, just calmly, with rage brewing deep inside, walks out of the ring.

Up next, Alex Riley and The Miz go one-on-one.

@Niki_Sushi Oh no, ass in the cake! OH NO! FACE IN THE CAKE! Vickie, you might as well just rub some cake on your arms. BATHE IN IT!!! #BWF #RAW

@KeepItFiveStar Kofi, you have a M.I.T.B. match to focus on. You should move on from the U.S. Title

@KeepItFiveStar S.O.S! I hear them JOBBIN! S.O.S! Why am I tryinnnnnnn?! (I’m jobbin!”

@chynnacena Notice how vicky still licks the cake lmbo #wwe #raw #bwf

@WWE_Creative We may be the only company on the planet with a cake budget that high despite the fact that no one ever gets to eat the cake. #RAWTonight

The Miz vs Alex Riley

Hey! The Miz did his previous thing where he raises his arms with three fi-… Nevermind. I’m having a moment.

Riley runs to the ring and tries to go right for Miz, but the ref stops him.

Miz and Riley lock up, and Miz backs Riley into the corner. Riley shoves him off and Riley pushes Miz into the corner hitting him with forearms. Miz fights back and the two exchange blows. Riley hits a hard almost-clothesline on Miz and then kicks Miz out of the ring. Riley follows and slams Miz’ head on the fan barrier before throwing him back in the ring. Miz kicks Riley before stomping on him a few times. Miz bounces off the ropes to kick Riley in the face before going for the cover, Riley kicking out at two. Miz knees Riley’s chest a few times before gripping Riley’s neck. Riley tries to fight out of it before he finally does, throwing Miz off him. Miz moves out of the corner when Riley tries to hit him, then DDTs (or something) Riley and goes for the cover. Riley kicks out and Miz digs his knee into Riley’s neck. Miz hits Riley then goes for another cover, but Riley kicks out. Miz starts to hit Riley, but Riley blocks and delivers some hits of his own, but Miz fights back and drops Riley on his face before going for another cover. Miz tells Riley that he made him, and Riley’s had enough. He fights back against Miz and delivers hard shoulders to Miz’ torso before another DDT and cover, but Riley kicks out.

@JRosz78 Finally #RAW Just got AWEEEEEEEEESOME! @mikethemiz #RAW #BWF

@KeepItFiveStar No one is going to say anything to Alex Riley’s face. Look at what he did to The Miz after The Miz was brutally honest with him!

@kickoutblog WWE video editing team working overtime this week.

@Niki_Sushi According to Cole, Awry’s gonna get got. #BWF #RAW

Riley has the momentum via Riley throwing Miz to the ground, making him land on the back of his head. Both fight to get up and then Riley Spears Miz. The two move in a frenzy, but Riley is getting the upper hand, hitting a Spine buster. Miz kicks out at two, and Riley starts to hit something, but Miz counters. Miz hits his swinging corner clothesline on Riley and then starts to hit a backbreaker, but Riley counters and picks up a cheap victory.

Alex Riley wins via pinfall.

Rage finally gets the best of Miz, and Miz runs back in the ring, attacking Riley from behind and throwing him out of the ring. Miz follows Riley and drives Riley into the fan barrier and then over it, following him again. Miz throws Riley back over, then throws him into the steel steps. Miz stays right on top of Riley though, and tries to rip Riley’s face off via his nose and upper lip. Miz then bounces Riley’s head off the announce table and kicks him in the chin, right over the announce table.

A limo pulls up outside the arena, and out steps none other than Vincent Kennedy McMahon. He comes to the ring up next.

@KeepItFiveStar Charles Robinson with his white parent in a grocery store type of scolding “No Miz! Miz! You go back right now! Miz! Miz! MIZ! …NO!”

@kickoutblog The kick is good! Miz with the extra point!

@WWE_Creative Somewhere @TheRealMorrison is sitting at home with an @AlexRileyWWE voodoo doll. #RAWTonight

@HitTheRopes And finally, Vince McMahon finally decided to get off the Hulk Hogan route to the arena.

No chance, that’s what ya got…

Vince struts his way to the ring, as per usual. I’m going to watch DX mocking him and Shane after RAW’s over now.

Vince thanks us and then says the CM Punk thing has gotten out of hand. He suspended Punk because he deserved it. Really, it’s like when Punk comes out here and says the things he says and we’d do the same thing he did if we were in his shoes. It’s not about him and his family, it’s about him doing what’s right for us. That’s what he does. He was going to tell us a story about Vince? Vince will tell us a story about him. Punk’s contract is almost over. So, Punk says Vince this is what I want, special limo service, fly first class, etc. etc. Vince says Punk wasn’t worthy of being on DVDs/magazines, and he suspended Punk because he deserved it. Punk is just that, a punk. Vince says he’ll see us next week in Boston.

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR NO BULLSHIT!

Cena doesn’t even stop this time and walks right down to the ring.

Cena asks if that’s it. After an unbelievable tirade like that, a suspension, and stripping him of his number one contendership, Vince is going to call him a punk and kick him to the curb? Vince says that Punk did it to himself, and John says that he spoke his mind. Vince believes in the first amendment, right? Vince says that’s why Cena’s mic is still working. Cena says that Vince has always been a fighter. He remembers when Vince would walk down the ramp and do his walk (which Cena mimics terribly), and whoever stood in Vince’s way, Vince would fight. Vince took down people because he was a fighter. Punk says a few things that get under Vince’s skin, so Vince suspends him. Has Vince finally gone soft? Are those famous McMahon grapefruits now peach pits? If Vince doesn’t wanna fight anymore, Cena still wants to, and he wants to fight Punk. And if Vince doesn’t feel like fighting, maybe he should hang it up.

Vince says he’ll tell us why Vince really suspended Punk. Vince doesn’t wanna take a chance on Cena. Doesn’t wanna take a chance that Punk defeats Cena. Vince takes calculated risks, which is how he beat everyone who gets in his way. Therefore if Punk defeats Cena, Punk will walk out and into some other organization, and Vince will not be embarrassed. Cena says that the billionaire chairman afraid of being embarrassed. Vince is afraid of Cena not beating Punk. Cena says that he’s not going to guarantee he’s going to beat Punk, but Punk earned a spot and the people want to see it. Oh, and God forbid we embarrass Vince McMahon. As a member of the WWE Universe, MitB is the biggest PPV of the year. Can Punk pull it off? Can Cena win against Punk? It’s not embarrassing, it sounds like the match of the year. But some kid said something that Vince didn’t like, so Vince suspended him. Cena asks if he says something Vince doesn’t like, will Cena gets suspended? Vince tells him not to piss him off. Vince says don’t be Hogan or anyone that came before him. Vince says they’ll talk in front of these people, but talk to him one on one. Vince gave a logical explanation. Vince doesn’t wanna take the chance of being embarrassed. Cena says he should give the people what we want. Vince says Cena is embarrassing him now. Vince doesn’t give a damn what we want because he is not gonna jeopardize who he is and his company. Doesn’t John get this isn’t His company? Before John, there were others. Doesn’t John get that? It’s Vince’s company. And Vince does what’s right for the company, and for each and every one of us. His decisions are good ones. Vince asks if they’re good. John says he gets it and its Vince’s company. He gets it and he’s not stupid. But, if that’s how Vince wants to run it, it’s not something Cena signed up for. He gets it, everyone is replaceable. Cena works himself to the bone for Vince and the brand because he thinks that this stands for something. You’re so worried about Punk taking the championship and making it meaningless, and if you just kick him to the curb, you make it meaningless. Cena passes Vince the Championship and starts to walk out. Vince tells him to stop, and Cena does. Vince tells Cena not to go anywhere and makes his way out of the ring. Vince and Cena stand nose to nose, and then Vince says alright, I hate this has come between them. Punk’s reinstated, and Cena has his match. Vince says Cena shouldn’t be smiling because if Punk walks out of Chicago with the championship, Cena is fired.

Interesting RAW tonight, guys. I’ll be back… when I’m back. Sorry about the lack of appearance, guys. I’m working on it.

RAW 2.28.11

February 28, 2011 11:24 pm 6 Comments

Back for another edition of Monday Night RAW! Turns out the boss man, ThinkSoJoE is there live tonight, so I hope he has a good time! He tweeted something about there being a steel cage over the ring tonight. Will we see it come into action, or are they just teasing us? As the person who has to review tonight… I don’t know if I want it to come into action or not.

Also, I want to take a second and thank everyone who tweets during RAW, and those of you who reply to the actual review. It means a lot to me to know that you all like the way I write these up, and I love to see interaction. It makes the searing pain in my fingers after totally worth it.

Anyway, I hear that The Rock is supposed to be around sometime to talk about John Cena’s response. This could be really good… Or really bad. We’ll see what happens.

It’s time to play the game…

Omfg I missed this music. Oh, sorry about missing last week’s RAW. Family time prevented me from seeing it, and then a busy week prevented me from reviewing it. Sorry!

It has been made official! The Undertaker will go one-on-one with Triple H at Wrestlemania!

Triple H says that it’s good to see Buffalo too! He says that they say the true test of a man’s mettle is the test of time. He’s done everything that there is to do in the WWE. Every accolade, championship, defined Elimination Chamber, Hell in the Cell, and a thirteen-time WWE Champion. With Shawn Michaels, he started D Generation X. With Ric Flair, Evolution. He’s been hated, loved. He’s defeated icons, legends, immortals, he’s done it all. Sixteen years. Seems like yesterday, but sixteen years. He’s seen them all come and seen them all go, for sixteen years, he’s out lasted everybody.

Except for one. The Deadman. The Phenom. The Undertaker.

He’s just heard him referred to as “The Last Outlaw.” Not yet, there are two. The Undertaker and Triple H are the same, probably a lot more than he knows. When he looks in the locker room, they see the same thing: There aren’t any real challenges left. They’re in the same position. There’s only one thing that stands before him: For Taker, it’s the Streak. 16, 17, 18-0. It’s what keeps Taker going, the challenge. But, the fact is, when Taker looks around the locker room, Hunter’s the only real challenge he’s got left. And when Hunter looks around the locker room, the only true challenge he has left is ending the streak. It’s the only thing they have left. It will happen at Wrestlemania XXVII. The biggest event in history! Deadman, you and Hunter will define an era. The iconic, the immortal, the legendary, the last two will meet, and on that night, nothing else will matter. There can be only one Higlander. At Wrestlemania, Taker has only one thing left: The Streak. And when it dies, Taker dies. At Wrestlemania, Hunter has only one thing left: The Streak. If he can’t end it, he’ll die trying.

Sheamus makes his way down to the ring, much to the amusement of Triple H, actually. But, as he gets in the ring, Hunter knocks him to his knees. Triple H rolls his neck before hurling Sheamus out of the ring and following him. Hunter then throws him into the wall and starts pounding right down on him. He then throws him into the steel ring post, and follows him in front of the announce table. Hunter then punches him again, and takes Sheamus right over another barrier. Hunter throws Sheamus onto the announce table and I’m aware that… Cole’s not there!! Anyway, Hunter clears the table and climbs onto it, pulling Sheamus to his feet. He gets Sheamus in position, Jerry tells him not to do this, and Hunter points to the Wrestlemania sign before giving Sheamus a Pedigree right through the announce table!

Later on tonight, Shawn Michaels will weigh in on Triple H vs The Undertaker! Not only that, but Michael Cole will answer Jerry “The King” Lawler later! And, The Rock is going to respond to John Cena’s comments last week. Oh, and on FaceBook, he posted a picture of his boot on John Cena’s hat…

@TKeep123 The #WWE announce desk DESTROYED at 12 minutes into #RAW !!! No, not the Spanish desk…King & Josh’s Desk! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@KeepItFiveStar Damn. Sheamus must’ve failed a wellness test. Smoked a lot of pot. Tanned. He did SOMETHING wrong because….My God! That was brutal!

@HitTheRopes Remember when Sheamus was a menacing jar of Mayonnaise? Now he’s just Miracle Whip(ped)! #wwe

@FrankWWEClown Sheamus, you made a poor decision interrupting The Game, just sayin’. #WWE #RAW

@thinksojoe Where will the announcers set their drinks? Won’t somebody think of the announcers? #BWF

@Seanfranchise6 Tonight on RAW: HBK WILL SPEAK, COLE WILL PUSS OUT, AND ROCK WILL STOMP CENA………………..via satellite. #RAW

We come back to a handful of refs finally helping Sheamus to get away from the broken announce table. You would’ve thought someone would’ve done that during the commercial…

“Sheamus, you just got brutally attacked by Triple H, but that’s not his problem. You were scheduled to have a match tonight, and you’re still gonna have it, against this man.”

King Sheamus vs Evan Bourne

YAY EVAN!!!!! I missed Air Bourne. I’m happy to see him back.

The bell rings and Evan goes to town on Sheamus right in the corner. Sheamus manages to push Evan off, but misses a clothesline. Evan hits a high kick and then goes up, and hits Air Bourne for the win!

Evan Bourne wins via pinfall.

Really, really short match, but I’m really glad that Evan’s back. And I seriously missed that slow-mo Air Bourne replay.

Justin Roberts tells us to please welcome “The Voice of the WWE”, Michael Cole. Evan even rolls his eyes, and Cole walks out to a number of boos. Cole walks over to King, and seems amused that the announce table is broken. Cole stands in front of King and talks, but no one hears him. … I’m confused.

@KeepItFiveStar Now Michael Cole is gonna beat Sheamus! C’mon. At some point this turns into a hate crime against gingers.

@CMPunkSays It’s not often you get buried twice in one night. Whose duffel bag did Sheamus take a dump in? #WWE

@Niki_Sushi I just had a SCREAMING fit. My baby’s back! YES! Totally made my night!

@N_er_d All I can say is that it was not a good day for our King Sheamus. #WWE #RAW #BWF #MNBW

@chynnacena We’d like to that you for flying Air Borne #WWE #RAW #BWF

Michael Cole has a mic and is in the ring now. He says he wants to do this man-to-man, face-to-face, eye-to-eye, so he suggests that King gets off his fat, antiquated butt, and get in the ring. They have an announce table now! Cole also wants to remind King that he cannot strike Cole or he’ll be fired. Over the weekend, Cole re-read the decree that was handed down by the General Manager. It implies that if they touch one another, they’ll both be fired. But, it states that if King strikes Cole, King’s fired. King gets in the ring and stands in front of Cole. Cole says that King thinks he was intimidated last week. Did King think that Cole was going to coward down from his Wrestlemania Challenge? Lawler, there is no one, and Cole means no one, on this earth that has more guts than Cole. Cole never, ever backs down from a fight. So his answer to King’s “little” Wrestlemania Challenge is no, unless King accepts two conditions: First, Cole’s trainer can be in his corner at Wrestlemania, and second: Cole gets to choose a special guest referee for the match. King goes to take the mic, Cole asks what he says, and the King takes the mic. He says that he doesn’t care if Cole has the Dark Knight, King Kong, Saba Simba, and Superman with him, the answer is yes, Cole’s on. Cole says that they’ve got their match for Wrestlemania. Michael Cole vs Jerry “The King” Lawler! Cole says without further ado, he would like to introduce the man who will train Cole to defeat Lawler at Wrestlemania. He is a former World Champion, the All American-American, Jack Swagger!

Check, 1, 2!

Cole’s pretty damn proud of himself, but King doesn’t look impressed, to be honest. Swagger gets in the ring and the two hug, before Swagger stands over King. King still doesn’t look intimidated. Cole shoves King, and Swagger stands between them. Cole keeps asking what King thinks, and then Cole smacks Lawler. Jerry goes for Cole, but Swagger grabs King and puts him in the ankle lock.

Later tonight, Rock will respond to John Cena’s comments last week…

Randy Orton makes his way to the ring…

@HitTheRopes Guess Swagger won’t be in Money in the Bank this year. #wwe

@JRosz78 Thank you Swagger! YES! #RAW #BWF #MNBW

@seraphalexiel Cole’s got Jack Swagger as his trainer? I want Jack Swagger to be my trainer

@KeepItFiveStar What kind of Steve from Blues Clues dance was that, Michael Cole?

@TheFightingGeek Ah, the classic Lawler can’t touch Cole until WrestleMania. An oldie but a goodie.

@CMPunkSays Michael Cole looks like he passed Advanced Heel Tactics 462. The professor of that course is 2009 Randy Orton. #WWE

@N_er_d ok, can we get Matt Striker back on commentary now? #WWE #RAW #BWF #MNBW

Next week, Stone Cold Steve Austin returns to Monday Night RAW!

And damn it all, Cole is back on commentary, and he’s sanitizing it. Cole asks for a replay of Lawler in Swagger’s Ankle Lock, and we get a quick picture… or two, of it. And he’s talking, but I’m tuning him out. I know how now.

I hear voices in my head…

Before the match, Randy picks up a mic. He says last week, Punk was right about something. Two and a half years ago, when Randy punted Punk in the skull, he made the biggest mistake of his career. The mistake that he made was that he should have kicked Punk harder. Punk talks about faith like it can protect him, but it won’t. It won’t protect him when Randy punts him so hard in the head that it makes his spine break and so that his permanent address is a rehab center, dreaming of walking again one day. He will spend every day of his life, sipping his meals through a straw, and the only thing Punk will have left is the faith that failed him.

Punk makes his way out to the ring with the New Nexus (minus Harris still) following him. Punk calls Randy an arrogant, but predictable, hypocrite. Does Randy think that Punk told him not to show up because he didn’t want him to show up? Punk is going to put Randy in the ground.

Cole lets Josh Matthews read this email.

“It appears that there’s only one way for Randy Orton and CM Punk to settle things: In a match at Wrestlemania. Now, over the course of the next few weeks, Randy Orton will compete in singles matches against members of the New Nexus. If the Nexus members win, they can legally be in Punk’s corner at Wrestlemania. If Randy wins, that member of the Nexus is banned from ringside at Wrestlemania. If CM Punk or the members of Nexus get involved, I will personally disband the New Nexus. Randy Orton vs Michael McGuillicutty begins right now.”

Randy Orton vs Michael McGuillicutty

Orton and McGuillicutty lock up, and McGuillicutty pushes Orton in the corner. Orton turns it around and hammers away on McGuillicutty, but McGuillicutty reverses the whip, only to get a clothesline. Orton stomps on McGuillicutty’s face and then goes to drop the knee, but McGuillicutty moves. McGuillicutty takes advantage and Whips Orton, but Orton stops and throws McGuillicutty out of the ring.

@Lunna1969 i is a very happy girl tonight….even though i have the flu…Randy, Evan and HHH have made up for it!!! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@KeepItFiveStar Boy, it is Open Mic night on RAW tonight.

@CMPunkSays Everyone tweet @wwejoshmathews with suggestions as to what he should put in Cole’s drink when he isn’t looking. #WWE

@kickoutblog Spoiler: no one will be in CM Punk’s corner at WrestleMania.

@KeepItFiveStar “Why the FUCK didn’t anybody do this with any of my matches against The Nexus?” – John Cena (via @lekeithlewis)

@Niki_Sushi I wonder if Cole realizes he didn’t do anything… #bwf #raw

@Whovian_23 If Stone Cold had come out while Michael Cole was in the ring, Cole would of shit /AND/ pissed his pants at the same time. #WWE #RAW #BWF

We come back to Randy still dominating McGuillicutty, but then Orton eats a missile dropkick. McGuillicutty goes for the cover, but Orton kicks out. McGuillicutty goes for another, but Orton kicks out again. Orton crawls into the corner (cause that’s the best idea ever), and McGuillicutty stomps on him in the corner. Orton fights back, however, only to get a knee by McGuillicutty. McGuillicutty then drops his feet in Orton’s face. He gets on the middle rope and shoves Orton’s face down before going for another cover, only for Orton to kick out. McGuillicutty puts Orton in a headlock, but Orton fights to his feet, and sidewalk slams him off. Orton and McGuillicutty both return to their feet, and McGuillicutty runs right into Orton’s foot. Orton gets him down with a couple of clotheslines, followed by a scoop slam. Orton then drops McGuillicutty in the back breaker. McGuillicutty does the stupid thing and rolls under the bottom rope, so Orton pulls him most of the way into the ring, and this the second-rope DDT. Orton then slams down to the mat and pounds it down, watching McGuillicutty get to his feet before hitting the RKO.

Randy Orton wins via pinfall.

So, at Wrestlemania, Michael McGuillicutty will not be in CM Punk’s corner at Wrestlemania. Orton backs into a corner as McGuillicutty lays on the mat, and Punk comes out to tell him to stop. He then says Randall Keith Orton, you have done enough. Randy does not want to do this, no one wants to see him do this. Punk is telling Randall, do not punt him in the skull. Orton goes back to the corner as McGuillicutty gets up on his knees, and then Orton punts McGuillicutty in the skull before running out of the ring and up into the stands as Punk, Mason Ryan, and David Otunga go to chase him.

Last Friday, Sin Cara was signed to the WWE!

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley are making their way to the ring.

@2ndCitySaint RANDAL KEITH ORTON! RANDALL!!! #CMDad #WWE

@FrankWWEClown @RandyOrton either has ants in his pants or just loves to punt people in the head. I’ll go with the latter. #WWE #RAW

@KeepItFiveStar And Randy Orton punts Michael McGuillictty back into Joe Hennig!

@Niki_Sushi Is Punk gonna pull another Maryse? #bwf #raw

@kickoutblog Hopefully Orton just punts them all in the head and ends the Nexus debacle once and for all.

@Whovian_23 Seems that @RandyOrton is doing what @JohnCena could not do… take out the Nexus. #WWE #RAW #BWF

Awesome! I came to play!

The Miz has a mic. I’m sensing a trend. Anyway, Miz says The Rock is going to respond to John Cena tonight! That’s funny, because Miz called out The Rock last week as well, and he’s not responding to Miz. We all know why: Because The Miz is right. This is no longer The Rock’s show. Sure, at one point, The Rock was the biggest star in the WWE, then John Cena, but let’s face facts: John Cena’s days are numbered, and the Rock’s are over. What everyone needs to realize is that Miz is the biggest star in the WWE. He is the reason those people are there tonight (he’s the reason I went!). He is the one the talk shows want, he is the face of this company, and best of all, he is the most must-see WWE Champion in the history of this company! Do you see a trend? It’s all about The Miz. It always has been, it always will be, about him. Speaking of him, everybody’s been asking him about becoming WWE Tag Team Champions with John Cena. Let the records show that he won the WWE Tag Team Championships, and John Cena lost them, which was exactly what he wanted to happen. This is Miz’s show, he’s in the driver’s seat, and he controls what happens around there. So, when John Cena’s worrying about the Rock and doing his raps, he should be worried about The Miz, the WWE Champion. But, if The Rock and Cena want to go back and forth, so be it. The Miz will beat John Cena at Wrestlemania, and on that very same night, he will beat the Rock. Did you hear him correctly? He will beat John Cena at Wrestlemania, and on the very same night, he will beat the Rock. And then no one will ever mention them again, because the only person anyone will be talking about will be him as the greatest Superstar of all time.

Alex Riley tells them to get on their feet and show some respect to the man who, in thirty-four days, will main event Wrestlemania!

BRRRRRRRRRRRRR HERPY DERPY DOO!

And John Cena comes out. How appropriate with your timing, Cena. Oh, and Cena’s entrance without the slide is weird.

Cena says he has very very very very important news! He knows, just like everyone, he’s upset, because he can’t listen to another word The Miz says. Those people shouldn’t have to put up with it, and frankly, Miz doesn’t belong talking. The Miz isn’t well. Cena pulls out a folder that says Doctor’s Note. Cena says he has a doctor’s note that diagnosis the Miz with OCD. It’s something they could all see. He’s obsessed with everything. He’s obsessed with being awesome, but if you reference the medical report, he’s below average. He’s obsessed with being must-see, but if you reference the medical report, you have to have a microscope to see him. In his home, he has 2,000 cats, blue dockers, blue khakis, saves his dog’s poop bags, and pees in milk jugs. Ew. And that’s only the half of it. Alex says that Cena’s too funny. Riley just realized why someone nicknamed toilets ‘Johns’, because everything Cena says is crap. Even Cole agrees that was weak, and that’s sad.

Cena asks if Miz ever wondered why no one’s taking him seriously as the WWE Champion. Cena says that was awful, and it’s actually a pretty sad story. Look at Riley, he’s looking at them right now, sucking in air like a dying fish. You know what, you wanna be a champion, you wanna leave a legacy, Miz needs to start doing it by himself. With all these accomplishments, do you really wanna look back and realize that he shared his legacy with another man? Cena then tells him not to answer that. Miz wants to be must-see, talked about, let’s do something about it tonight! Right here, right now, fire Alex Riley, so at Wrestlemania it can be The Miz vs John Cena! Miz asks if Cena is scared of A-Ry, or is he trying to play mind games? Unlike Cena, Miz is mentoring the next generation of Superstars, and he’s secure with his position, so he’s sharing his genius in the WWE, instead of hocking merchandise or trying to decide what jorts to wear. Cena says that maybe his announcement could be that Miz and Riley are co-champions, moving in together, and basically being gay. Cena says that Miz may be training Riley how to be a loser, but Cena’s going to train Miz on how to be a man. Tonight, Cena wants a match with Riley. If Cena wins, Riley is fired. Miz and Riley talk about it for a minute, and then Miz says that he accepts. Cena says that’s shocking, but Miz adds a stipulation: He gives his word that Miz will not interfere, but if Riley wins, he wants Cena to publicly admit that Miz is the greatest superstar of all time, because he’s the Miz and he’s awesome! Cena asks if he’s been to outer space. He’s been fired, a slave, water thrown at him, called Barney turd, called Fruity Pebbles, he’ll do it.

Cole’s back on the email.

“No offense to Miz or his word, but to insure there is no outside interference tonight, John Cena vs Alex Riley will take place inside a steel cage. John, the only way to win this match tonight is to escape the cage.”

@justinruff When will we stop using homosexuality as a negative? #Raw #WWE

@CMPunkSays DING DING DING DING DING THAT WAS CENA’S 10,000TH GAY JOKE #WWE

@FrankWWEClown That is one detailed doctor’s note. I need to find me that doctor, I think I may have a few screws loose. #WWE #RAW

@KeepItFiveStar I think in honor of the Fruity Pebbles joke, John Cena should slide down a Dinosaur then go to the ring in a Flintstones car for WM27.

@HitTheRopes @MikeTheMiz trying to channel his inner @IamJericho by beating two of the biggest superstars in wrestling on the same night.

@CMPunkSays That suit is AWWWWWWESOME. #BeMiz #WWE

@KeepItFiveStar Miz, suited up. Looking sharp as usual. Rock and Cena are getting all the praise. Show em what you can do, champ!

@N_er_d hahhaha The Rock vs Cena is funny. The Rock vs Miz would be more entertaining. I see Jericho’s mic skills in the Miz #WWE #RAW #BWF #MNBW

@Whovian_23 You know Cole I’m pretty sure that a good broadcast journalist is meant to be unbiased and…. oh never mind. #WWE #RAW #BWF

Shawn Michaels is going to talk later!! And it’s a Diva’s Battle Royal with Eve on ringside.

Diva’s Battle Royal – Winner will face Eve Torres for the Diva’s Championship

Bella One’s first to be eliminated, then Alicia Fox, then Tamina, Natalya and Melina, Maryse, then a Bella, then the other Bella twin tries to help her sister, and Gail is eliminated. Eve gets in the ring and tries to tell the ref what happened, and the Bellas double team Eve.

Bella… Whichever wins.

Up next, The Rock will respond to John Cena’s rap on him from last week!

@kickoutblog I couldn’t type a sentence before we got to the final three divas in this battle royal.

@KeepItFiveStar ….Welp. At least we know the WWE is ready for Women’s History Month.

@JRosz78 Really we are fuckin pushin Eve(tranny) and the Bellas? Well now the diva division really is dead! #RAW #BWF #MNBW

@Whovian_23 Why doesn’t the GM just order the Bella’s to wear different clothes during matches? #WWE #RAW #BWF

Live!… via satellite, it’s The Rock!

Rock has on one of Cena’s hats, and mocks the rap style with the childish voice “you can’t see me”. He says:

The Rock is rappin
He’s gone soft
So now he needs
To take this crap off.

Finally, The Rock has come back to Monday Night RAW (via satellite). Wait, The Rock is the champion of the People, the energy of the People, and the Rock is electrifying every inch of the 14,000 strong in the HSBC Arena, which can only mean one thing: Finally, the Rock has come back to Buffalo (via satellite). And it’s that electricity that’s in the air right now, you can cut it with a knife, makes every woman with a beating heart stop and say ‘Damn, I want a piece of the Rock.’, every man with a bit of testosterone that says ‘Damn, let’s whip some candy asses.’, and they’ve got the attention of John Cena. So let Rock get this straight…? He makes his historic return to RAW, electrify the world, speak from the heart to the people, and said exactly how he felt about John Cena. He came back to RAW, kicked down the door, and addressed him like a man, and what does Cena do in response: Raps to Rock? He raps… to Rock? He addresses Rock in the form of rap. Well, of course Cena did, cause that’s how the guy in the purple shirt responds with his dog tag chain and jean shorts. He thought it was funny, it was real funny. Let Rock remind Cena and the world how this whole thing started: It started with Cena publicly running his mouth about Rock, calling him a liar when he says he loves the WWE. Cena said don’t jerk him or the fans around by saying he loves this business and not coming back. By saying that, Cena insulted him and his family. Rock’s love for the WWE is endless. He grew up in the WWE, born in the WWE, his blood is the WWE. His grandfather, the late great High Chief, his father former WWE Tag Team Champion Rocky Johnson, both Hall of Famers, who he inducted. He is standing in his house, this is his collection of WWE Championship titles that he proudly displays. He didn’t show love? Because he accomplished his goals and wanted to achieve more? Rock knew that if he made it in Hollywood, outside of the WWE, that meant one important thing, that he just opened the door, held open the door for the WWE and locker room, and he helped opened the door for Cena. Paved the way for him. And what does Cena do? Publicly insult and knock the People’s Champion. Well, Cena, no, there are consequences, he’s going to pay for running his mouth. He’s just made an open plea to bring it, and trust him, like no one else on this planet, brings it like the Rock. Now, he has just opened the door himself, and on the other side, staring right back at him is the Rock. Sorry guys, it’s a lot of stuff to type as he says it. The Rock is hosting Wrestlemania, but more importantly, he’ll be addressing Cena sooner than he thinks. The Rock electrifies all over the world, his spirit is everywhere, and it’s in that spirit and that electricity that allows the People’s Champ to electrify Buffalo, just… like… that. Buffalo, get ready, cause in a few seconds, you will feel the electricity, because when the Rock addresses Cena, the Rock is never alone, and the Rock means never alone… The Rock is with the millions and millions, bringing it to Wrestlemania and the world. Cena, the Rock ain’t no rapper, and clearly neither are you, but open your ears and shut your mouth, and listen to this very special gift from Rock to Cena: The Rock is back to scratch a major itch, so enjoy your Fruity Pebbles, you Yabba Dabba Bitch. And Cena will smell what the Rock is cookin.

Great big wall of text. I’m sorry, he talks a lot… If I missed stuff, it’s because of all that talking. I do my best, but I’m not that damn good. Hahaha… Anyway.

Coming up, John Cena vs Alex Riley in a steel cage match, but Shawn Michaels is coming up next!

@HitTheRopes The Rock opened the door for Cena to star in The Tooth Fairy 2: The Whole Tooth

@KeepItFiveStar “Wait wait wait…so YOU’RE responsible for The Marine and The Chaperon? FUCK YOU, ROCK!” – @lekeithlewis

@KeepItFiveStar Man, The Rock really hates rap. I hope he shoots on R-Truth next. That guy’s always “rapping”

@kickoutblog Uh Rock… you’re at home, not in Buffalo

@Niki_Sushi Rock, diss John Cena all you want, but you’re lining his pockets. #justfyi #raw #raw

@WWE_Creative Finally, @TheRock has come back…to his living room. #RAWTonight

In his living room, Shawn says that he was happy that Taker may get his and Triple H may end the streak, but he’s a little upset that he couldn’t get the job done. Obviously, Shawn has a history with both of them, and he’s been in the ring with both of them. Having been inside the ring with Taker, you almost find yourself at war with a legacy instead of a man. It’s a huge, huge mountain to climb. He doesn’t know another way to describe it.

Shawn says there’s a part of Triple H that can be extremely vicious. Every time Shawn’s ever been in the ring with Triple H, he hasn’t seen a hint of compassion, and he’s one of Triple H’s best friends in the world. Shawn thinks that if there’s anyone who could beat Taker at Wrestlemania, it’s Triple H, and no words do justice to it. There’s a history inside them that so few ever touch. Triple H is his buddy, but Shawn can’t say how he’s going to feel when and if Triple H beats the Streak.

United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs

Before Daniel Bryan can get all the way down to the ring, The Miz comes down and attacks him, throwing him into the barrier before delivering a hard kick to what looked like the side of his head. Miz continues to assault Bryan before putting his foot all over Bryan’s face and standing on Bryan’s face. Miz then kicks him in the head again. My bad, it’s just the steel part, not the padded barrier. Miz stands behind Bryan and gets him up before hitting the Skull Crushing Finale on Bryan on the floor.

And that’s what Bryan gets for not defending the United States Championship on the air recently. … I’m just sayin.

Miz takes the mic and says that just so everyone knows, he did that because he can. Welcome to The Miz Show. He’s done waiting. Lower the cage, and start the match.

I love the steel cage-lowering music, by the way. That creepy feeling tone makes me mark out every single time.

@seraphalexiel I love how Daniel’s opponent just decided to chill in the back, not even come out

@CMPunkSays That kid who just yelled at The Miz should never open his stupid mouth ever again. #WWE #KidsAreDumb

@thinksojoe I could’ve stayed home and watched TV. Boo Rock, and boo HBK. #BWF

@Niki_Sushi I know who I’m rooting for! 18-1! 18-1! #Bwf #raw #endthestreak

@CMPunkSays I applaud Shawn Michaels for realizing that the word “epic” is essentially meaningless now. #WWE

@KeepItFiveStar LOL the replay of Daniel Bryan getting attacked and the way his music cut was funny. It made a “WOMP WOMP” sound.

@TKeep123 Daniel Bryan’s head did bounce nicely off he floor… #WWE #RAW #BWF #MNBW

@legendkiller515 oh so now he can do things because he can? what the hell? #wwe #raw #bwf

WWE Champion The Miz joins Cole and Matthews ringside for this match. He says that the attack on Daniel Bryan was a message to The Rock and to John Cena.

Alex Riley vs John Cena in a Steel Cage Match – If Riley loses, he is fired. If Cena loses, he must admit that The Miz is awesome.

BRRRRRRRR YABBA DABBA BITCH

Oh, and there’s no pin-fall or submission. They must escape the cage to win.

Riley goes to leave right away, but Cena pulls him down and hits him. Cena bounces Riley’s head off the turnbuckle, and then slaps him in the chest. Cena suplexes Riley to the ring floor, and kicks him in the kidney. Cena punches him, knees him, and hurls him back down to the ground. Cena goes to leave, but Miz runs over and holds the door closed. Riley knees Cena and Miz slams the door on him. Riley pounds away on Cena and hurls him into the cage. Matthews brings up that Miz said he wouldn’t get involved, and Miz says that he wouldn’t say anything. Miz tells Riley to bring Cena over there, and Miz takes a picture. I’m seriously amused. Riley throws Cena into the cage, but Cena stops and throws Riley into the cage. Miz slips something (a phone) into the cage and then Riley slams it into Cena’s face and crawls to the door, reaching out. Cena grabs Riley’s feet, and Miz grabs his arms, and the two of them tug Riley in opposite directions, but Cena gets Riley in. Cena locks in the STF, and Riley taps, but it doesn’t matter. Miz finally tells Cole to shut up, and Riley doesn’t move. Cena climbs toward the top of the cage, and Miz grabs a chair, waiting for Cena to climb down low enough for Cena to get hit. Cena stands down and watches him in the ring, going for the other side, but Miz smacks the cage with the chair, following him. Riley is up, and puts Cena on his shoulders before just dropping backwards.

Here is the Miz tweet, by the way:

@mikethemiz I’m so awesome.

But he tweeted again!

@mikethemiz Say cheese.

@KeepItFiveStar A twitpic during a match! @mikethemiz THAT’S awesome!

@kickoutblog Okay, The Miz tweeting John Cena’s agony is the greatest thing ever.

@KeepItFiveStar The Miz is tweeting during commentary! That was my gimmick for Melina! Worst Upcoming Women’s History Month EVER! #WomensHistoryMonth

We come back to Riley dropping Cena. Riley punches Cena in the head and tries for a missile drop kick, but Cena holds onto the ropes. Riley misses a clothesline and Cena drops him onto his back. He hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle (and Miz tells Cole to shut up again), before Cena pulls Riley up for the Attitude Adjustment, but Riley grabs onto the cage and tries to climb, only to be followed by Cena. Cena gets his head beat against the cage, and Riley climbs up to the top. He’s on the very top, and Cena gets up with him, straddling the top to try to get Riley back into the ring. They are both at the very top of the cage, and Cena punches Riley in the head, only for Riley to fall just inside the cage, on the top rope. They are both on the top rope again, and Cena bulldogs Riley off the top rope. Cena gets Riley up and hits the Attitude Adjustment. Cena picks up the phone and messes with it before taking a picture of Alex Riley now. He then walks to the cage door, and Miz pushes it closed. Cena and Miz push against the door, before Cena pushes it open and gets out.

John Cena wins.

Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale right after the match, and Miz seems perfectly fine with the fact that Alex Riley just lost. They play a replay, and it does look like The Miz let the door go so that Cena could fall out of the ring…

There’s the show! And… I’ll be back next week, when Stone Cold Steve Austin returns!

RAW 1.10.11

January 10, 2011 11:27 pm 3 Comments

Hello everyone! Terribly sorry about my absence the last two weeks, but things were crazy. Huge thank you to G for taking over the RAW review when my brother came in, and sorry about no RAW review being up last week. Turns out, the boss man, ThinkSoJoE, is having some computer problems, so no one was able to cover. BUT THAT’S OKAY! We’re here now! Or, at least, I am.

Tonight, Punk takes over as leader of the Nexus, and John Cena’s going to confront him for the first time since Punk showed interest two weeks ago! And I’ve been hearing rumors about a Hall of Fame nomination!

Strangely enough, we start out Monday Night RAW with a tag team title match! … No opening promo?!

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov with Tamina vs ??? for the WWE Tag Team Championship

Before their opponents can even be announced, Nexus comes out and demolishes the tag team championships. Tamina is nowhere to be seen, and Punk enters the ring rather calmly, watching the chaos. Nexus clears the ring of the champs, thus answering my question about an opening promo. Turns out we’re gonna get one.

Punk says that he’s sorry and I notice he’s wearing black and yellow shoes. He says that the tag team title match is rescheduled for a later date. Ever since Nexus has made its impact on RAW, it’s been the most dominant force the WWE has ever seen. And, as scary as it sounds, they are even stronger now. He tells Nexus that each and every single one of them has the ability and chance to shine brighter than any other Superstar in history. He can give them the chance to succeed, and says that Barrett consistently failed at setting any kind of example. Two weeks ago, Punk single-handedly put Cena out of the equation. That’s right, their hero in all of his broken down hero will appear tonight. Cena will, he’s hoping, deliver a tear-jerking encore farewell speech tonight. Cena’s days of Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect are over, while Punk’s are just beginning. And then, the coup de gras later tonight, in an act of selfless leadership, Punk will make the ultimate sacrifice when he initiates himself the new leader of the new Nexus. But, he’s getting ahead of himself. His won’t be the only initiation tonight. Each one of the Nexus must prove to themselves, the group, to Punk, to these ‘worthless people’ that they have what it takes to belong in the new Nexus. If they all pass, the Nexus will be at the apex of their power, and they will not only take over RAW, but the WWE entirely.

Otunga takes the mic, damn it, and Otunga says that he speaks for all of Nexus and they would be honored to be initiated into the new Nexus tonight. Punk says that the honor will all be his. Punk starts with McGuillicutty, and says that he’s up first. He knows, Punk knows, the people knows, that Nexus is famous for these group attacks. They’ve beaten down Hall of Famers, the Chairman, and John Cena too. McGuillicutty’s initiation is to be on the receiving end of a beat down. Husky’s name is called and he’s told to start it. Husky looks at McG for a minute, Otunga takes the initiative and starts it, dropping him. Slater asks what the hell he just did, and Punk goads Slater into action. Husky looks at him again, and then drops himself onto McGuillicutty. Husky and Otunga move McGuillicutty to the corner, and Punk leads Gabriel up to the corner, where the Axe Murderer of Nexus Gabriel stands up and hits the 450 Splash. Punk kneels in front of McGuillicutty, and Nexus puts him on Punk’s shoulders, and Punk finishes it off with the Go to Sleep. Punk leaves, and Nexus carries the unmoving McGuillicutty off.

@Niki_Sushi ‘It wasn’t your turn! >:O’ ‘YOU TOOK TOO LONG!’ #BWF #RAW

@HitTheRopes David Otunga speaks for no one. Not even for himself. We all know, J-Hudson speaks for him.

@kickoutblog CM Punk is the only one with the right to wear pants though.

@StrikerSays Is The Nexus going to be CM Punk’s new SES? Are they all going to shave their heads?

@CMPunkSays Screw your tag team titles, it’s NEXUS TIME! #WWE

@Lunna1969 Isn’t that how gangs do their initiations? #WWE #RAW #BWF

@JonHexLives Nexus CM Punk shirts! #WWE #RAW #BWF

DAMN IT! R-TRUTH IS BACK!

R-Truth vs Alberto del Rio

If del Rio honks that horn one more time, I’m bitch slapping his face off.

Truth goes for del Rio, but del Rio moves, and Truth chases him, throwing him into a corner and then yelling WHAT’S UP at the crowd. Del Rio is sick of Truth’s shit and gets the momentum before going for a cover, but Truth kicks out at two. Is it just me, or does the arena look smoky? Anyway, del Rio Whips Truth, then misses a clothesline. Truth counters with a head scissors and then clothesline. Truth runs back at del Rio, and clotheslines him out of the ring, sending them both to the floor. The ref starts a count, and it takes a few minutes before either man moves. Del Rio attacks Truth, who attacks back. But, Ricardo Rodriguez starts yelling at Truth, and Truth gets counted out thanks to that.

Alberto del Rio wins via count out.

Del Rio takes the mic and says that’s another victory for him! But we already know that. We also know that his destiny is to win the Royal Rumble, and headline Wrestlemania. Okay, he knows that’s a different story, because tonight they’re in Nashville! The music city? Oh, you silly, silly, Americans. You don’t know anything about music. You don’t know anything about culture. Oh, del Rio, these people will kill you outside the arena. All they know is about their Justin Biebers, Idols, hip-hop, and that horrible and boring country music. This is a bad place to diss country music… In Mexico, they know about music. They know about culture. He says to allow a man with many attributes to show them real music, mariachi music! He motions to Ricardo and asks him to sing. Ricardo says that he can’t sing, probably thanks to that hit he just took to the face, and del Rio asks nicely. Ricardo takes the mic and sings La Cucaracha. Which I learned in Spanish. He’s really not that great at it, but I can’t blame him.

Two weeks ago, Punk gave Cena a Go to Sleep, and tonight, Cena is going to confront him. Holy crap, Ricardo is jamming. Tonight, we have to watch yet another John Morrison and King Sheamus match. Goodie. Why am I always covering RAW when people who can’t sing try to? Anyone remember Mark Henry rapping?

@KeepItFiveStar “And I haven’t even started yet!” You have started! You’ve been doin this shitty song for like 5 years!

@Niki_Sushi DAMMIT! Just when I thought I escaped it! Truth, how bout you go to TNA too? CAROLINA CONNECTION! :B #BWF #RAW

@kickoutblog Okay, if Del Rio starts winning every match by count-out, he’s going to become the world’s greatest asshole.

@typicalROHfan CAN DEL RIO RUN OVER R TRUTH WITH HIS CAR?

@JonHexLives I’m hoping Alberto Del Rio does at least one promo where he warms up like Ramses from NACHO LIBRE. #WWE #RAW #BWF

Jerry says that he’d be lying if he said he was fully recovered. Cole says that Randy will be sorely disappointed when he can’t take the WWE Championship from The Miz. Cole tells Jerry to apologize, but we have an email.

“Recently, Michael Cole has been on the receiving end of a lot of criticism. However, I support Michael Cole in every conceivable way. Even though, he’s a conceited, pompous, arrogant, self-centered, pretentious jerk. Okay, just kidding. The reality is that Michael Cole has done a phenomenal job and is the epitome of manhood. I wish we had more people like him, with the guts to stand up against popular opinion. Michael is an award winning journalist, a two-time Slammy award winner. He is witty, highly intelligent, and not to mention, handsome. Ladies and gentlemen, the highest honor one can achieve is to refer to themselves as a Cole Miner!”

Jerry finally interrupts, and my dinner stays in my stomach. Jerry says that he’s just received a message from the entire WWE Universe, and he quotes: “Will you please SHUT UP?” Really, Cole, nobody in their right mind would ever even think, say, or much less type, that Cole is handsome. What he really is is a coward. Cole says that Jerry can’t touch him or he’ll be ordered, but Jerry slams the laptop shut.

Cole says it still works.

“I assure you that Michael Cole is not a coward. And King, neither are you. That’s why I know that even though your body hasn’t fully recovered, you can’t wait to exact revenge. Therefore, tonight, WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley will take on the team of Jerry “The King” Lawler, and Randy Orton.”

Punk is backstage and says that McGuillicutty’s in and passed with flying colors. Husky’s next. His initiation, if he chooses to accept, is in his left hand. He will willingly, without reprisal, take three lashes from everybody, with… a strap? A belt? Something. Husky says he accepts. Punk tells him to take the shirt off. Husky takes the shirt off, and Otunga starts. Justin’s next, and doesn’t seem as anxious as Otunga was. Slater comes up, and seems more discontent with the belt than with Husky. Punk tells them to get Husky up and hold his arms. Then, Punk delivers eight quick snaps with the belt.

@RhymesWithPen CM Punk is treating Nexus like a frat, but lets be serious, no frat would ever allow Heath Slater to be a brother …

@KeepItFiveStar This is payback for the last week’s RAW/Smackdown with all that wrestling

@Niki_Sushi I have officially gotten to the point that until I see Cole, I literally can NOT hear him. I’ve blocked him out. #BWF #RAW

@kickoutblog Just when you thought it couldn’t get creepier than the opening segment, New Nexus turns to S&M

@jaded_prinz Ugh Raw has now turned into mini Bondage bear porn featuring a submissive Husky Harris lol

@dasharpshooters I guess Husky couldn’t remember the safe word. #wwe #raw

United States Champion Daniel Bryan and Mark Henry with The Bella Twins vs Ted DiBiase and Tyson Kidd with Maryse

Bryan and DiBiase start out the match with Bryan dominating. However, Bryan gets distracted and goes to take Kidd out of the match, but DiBiase throws him out of the ring. Kidd sneaks in a hit real quick and then DiBiase brings Bryan back in. DiBiase tags in Kidd, who keeps Bryan in the corner. Kidd distracts the ref, and DiBiase chokes Bryan. Kidd tags in DiBiase, and DiBiase gets Bryan in the center of the ring with a headlock. Bryan fights out and bounces off the ropes, hitting a hard clothesline on DiBiase. Bryan tags in Henry, and DiBiase tags in Kidd. Kidd runs face first into a clothesline, and then is head butted to the ground. Twice. Kidd crawls away and Henry runs toward him in the corner, but Kidd dives over and tags DiBiase in. They hit a double dropkick, but Ted is hit by a clothesline and Kidd is hit by Bryan. Then, Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam for the win.

Mark Henry and the United States Champion win via pinfall.

Later tonight, WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley will take on Jerry “The King” Lawler (again) and Randy Orton. We have The Big Show here tonight and we find out why next.

@kickoutblog No Jackson Andrews with Tyson Kidd, I’m sure that tells you all you need to know about his WWE future.

@TheMizMagnet: GODDAMN IT! JERRY! STOP FIGHTING MIZ! I HATE THESE MATCHES! *storms off* #BWF
@TKeep123 This whole RAW is from a bad parallel world.

@Niki_Sushi I’m not going to be happy with the Diva’s division until A) Bellas are fired for being stupid or B) Awesome Kong comes n eats them #BWF #RAW

@HitTheRopes A couple years ago Mark Henry would have been ALL over them twins. #wwe

@KeepItFiveStar Mark Henry continues to be a threat for the Royal Rumble

On NXT, that guy with the giant nose was eliminated, and Dolph Ziggler said that he was terrible, and basically sucked. Not like anyone cares about NXT.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, it’s a big show!

Between Alberto del Rio and The Big Show, we have been invaded by Smackdown. Awesome. And Show just wiggled his ass. I’m so sorry to that guy in the front row.

Show says thank you very much, and it’s great to be back on RAWR…er… RAW. He is here to discuss some issues. Number one is Wade Barrett. He finds it funny that last week Barrett is knocked out of Nexus, and this coming up Smackdown, he wants to knock Barrett out! Number two, the Royal Rumble. He’s letting every superstar know that they’re on notice. The Big Show is coming to the Royal Rumble and he’s not playing games, go on and main event Wrestlemania-

We walk alone…

Punk, Gabriel, Slater, and Otunga make their way out to the stage, and Punk looks at Otunga, as do the rest of Nexus. Otunga makes his way down to the ring, and this is apparently his initiation. He looks back at Punk, who merely stares at him, and then makes his way into the ring.

Show holds up a finger, and Otunga pushes it down and smacks Show’s ear. Show looks at him, and Otunga looks like he’s just offering himself up for a smack, but then Show kicks him and then throws him out of the ring. Show follows Otunga and chucks him over the announce table. Punk rips his shirt (DAMN IT!), and then delivers that massive slap on the announce table. Show yells at him, and then drops him right on the floor. Show slams Otunga into the steel steps, and then shoves him into the ring. He then choke slams Otunga. Show then delivers the knockout punch to Otunga. Punk, Slater, and Gabriel don’t move, except to raise their fists up. I guess Otunga passed.

Later, Cena will address Punk, and next up, John Morrison will take on King Sheamus.

@seraphalexiel I think you can get arrested for this type of hazing

@kickoutblog Seriously, if someone told me I could take 25 lashes from a leather belt or a 25% punch from Big Show, I’d ask for 50 lashes.

@KeepItFiveStar And now the WWE, and Jack Link’s present: Messin With Sasquatch

@RobMcNichol If Henry is Sexual Chocolate, Bryan Danielson must be Erotic Marshmallow.

John Morrison vs King Sheamus

Sheamus gets a good start in this match, but Morrison fights back, only to eat Sheamus’ knee with his stomach. Sheamus stomps on Morrison, and then continues to methodically pick Morrison apart before bouncing him off his knee. Sheamus goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out at two. Sheamus puts his foot in Morrison’s throat and then steps off, dominating Morrison. Morrison tries to fight back, but Sheamus puts a stop to that with his elbow in Morrison’s face. Sheamus goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out. Sheamus puts Morrison into a vicious looking hold that my brain refuses to give me a name for, but Morrison fights out, climbing up to his feet only to take a hit from Sheamus. Sheamus goes to knee Morrison in the stomach again, but Morrison goes for a cover. Morrison kicks out and picks up speed, getting the momentum. He this a heel kick to the jaw before Sheamus crawls into the corner. Sheamus, however, has none of that, and Morrison ends up on his stomach before kicking him again. Morrison plants his feet in Sheamus’ face, and then pulls himself up with a very on-PG pelvic thrust, but Sheamus shoves him out of the ring instead of facing up against Starship Pain.

Nobody tweeted anything that I could really use here, so here’s a picture for your entertainment.

We come back to Sheamus dominating Morrison again, but Morrison fights out of the headlock. He goes to Whip Sheamus, but Sheamus drops him onto his back and goes for the cover, only for Morrison to kick out at two. Sheamus holds Morrison’s head off the apron, and drops hard elbows onto Morrison before letting him roll back into the ring and going for another cover. Morrison kicks out at two again, and Sheamus puts him in another submission. Morrison fights to his feet, and then out of the hold, fighting back against Sheamus with quick punches and kicks. Morrison pulls Sheamus out of the corner, and then goes for the flash kick, but Sheamus ducks it. Sheamus runs across the ring at Morrison, but Morrison pulls down the top rope and sends Sheamus out. Morrison then jumps out of the ring, attempting a suicide dive, but Sheamus plants his knees into Morrison’s ribs. Sheamus then plants Morrison onto the steel steps, ribs-first, and rolls him into the ring. Sheamus gets ready to use the Brogue kick, but Morrison fell onto his ass, and Sheamus just kicks him in the back. Sheamus then puts Morrison on the top of the turnbuckle and climbs up after him, because this always ends well, , but Morrison drops onto the steps and puts Sheamus’ face into the steel post before hitting something I missed and winning.

John Morrison wins via pinfall.

Now we’re reminded of McGuillicutty’s initiation into Nexus, then Husky’s initiation, and then Otunga’s demise at the hands of The Big Show.

Punk is holding onto two Singapore canes, and says that Otunga did well and is in. Punk says that Slater and Gabriel’s initiations… He’s not going to beat them with the kendo sticks, my bad, and Punk says that they’re going to beat each other with the kendo sticks until he tells them to stop. Punk says he’s serious, and neither one looks like they want to do it, and this is going to be an EPIC LIGHTSABER DUEL! Neither one moves to do anything, and Punk just watches like, “you fucking babies” before he stops them. Punk says that if they’re not in, they’re out. He expects home runs from all his soldiers, so swing for the fences. Slater and Gabriel look at the frustrated Punk, weapons in hand, and Punk asks them if they’re going to hit him, then tells them to do it. They both drop the Kendo sticks, and then walk out of the locker room.

@TKeep123 Please…PLEASE hit Punk with those sticks! Get some balls! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@HitTheRopes It’s a light sabers duel. #StarWarsMeetsWWE

@Niki_Sushi Awwww! I’m so proud of Justin! Punk kinda looked like he was gonna eat their faces, though. #RUNFORTHEHILLS #BWF #RAW

@stephensonmc @JustinG_Nexus twirled his kendo stick like he was Obi-Wan #Raw

@YourBoyDrew So is anyone else convinced CM Punk runs a BDSM dungeon somewhere?

The first inductee into the Hall of Fame class of 2011 is about to be announced!

Jerry Lawler is in the ring and says that the greatest accomplishment of his career was being inducted into the Hall of Fame. So many individuals, even in childhood, dream of competing in the ring, and less that 100 of them have been inducted into the Hall of Fame. Hall of Famers share qualities like skill, drive, determination, charisma, and the respect of the WWE Universe, and the inductee he’s about to name, has earned the respect of the WWE Universe. He deserves, more than any other, to be a first ballot nominee. And it is the Heart Break Kid Shawn Michaels.

I think I’m cute… I know I’m sexy…

Holy shit, Shawn is there. I hate them right now. But it’s a personal thing. Just ignore me now.

Shawn takes the mic and motions for silence, but a one more match chant start-

Del Rio walks out, obviously not even caring. HE says his name is Alberto del Rio, and Shawn stares at him. Del Rio says that we already know that, and he, he is Shawn Michaels, the Heart Break Kid, the Legend, the Icon, the Showstopper. These people used to cheer Shawn. An HBK chant starts. Del Rio says but now, they cheer him. Which is greeted by a giant boo. It’s simple, del Rio says, that he’s the present and the future of the WWE. And Shawn is just history. After del Rio wins the Royal Rumble match, he’s going to win the Heavyweight or the WWE title, and after that, he will be known as the New Mr. Wrestlemania. And Shawn says nothing, just gives him a good dose of Sweet Chin Music. He then pockets his microphone like a gun, and makes sure his shoe isn’t scuffed up. Shawn then takes the scarf and dances his way back up the stage.

@FrankWWEClown Congratulations to @ShawnMichaels_ Can’t wait to be there live to see one of my childhood heros get inducted. #HBK #WWE #RAW

@Lunna1969 Omg I’m actually crying cause I’m so happy! Congrats @ShawnMichaels_

@TKeep123 HBK into the #WWE Hall of Fame! Works for me! Well deserved! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@CMPunkSays I am grinning my face off. #HBK #WWE

@Niki_Sushi I just joygasm’d right here. Very few people have done everything Shawn did and incited the same love and adoration he has. #ThankYouShawn

@Niki_Sushi Shawn, keep that scarf. You’ll need it for the weather down there. #BWF #RAW

@HitTheRopes Shawn Michaels didn’t plan on going hunting but he just bagged himself a wild Del Rio.

@KeepItFiveStar Alberto Del Rio and his scarf just got Sweet Chin Music! That’s unfair. The scarf had nothing to do with this!

@TKeep123 Is there anyone that doesn’t see Sweet Chin Music in ADR’s future? #WWE #RAW #BWF

@Saiyavenger Sweet Chin Music. Still epic in ways even complex flippy-dippy finishers only wish they could be.

@RingsideRants ADR had time to shower and put a suit on after his match, but Otunga couldn’t even change his shirt?

Riley is excited about Lawler and Orton being in the ring at the same time, but Miz doesn’t seem excited, and asks what’s wrong with Miz. Miz says that in two week’s time, he’s attacked a Hall of Famer and defended his title in a match that people should be talking about. But no, people are talking about Randy Orton. People are saying that it’s a fact that Randy will win The Miz’ championship at the Royal Rumble. NO matter what he does, people won’t give him the respect that he has earned. Tonight, in their match, he doesn’t just want to beat them, he wants to demoralize, embarrass, and hurt them, so they can show the world that the only fact is that he’s going to be the WWE Champion for a very, very long time. Alex starts to say his catchphrase, but Miz stops him and says that catchphrases are for closers, and he won’t’ say it until after he finishes Randy Orton tonight

Cole is in the ring and says that they are about to be joined by John Cena. Two weeks ago, John Cena was assaulted by the new Nexus and their soon-to-be new leader, CM Punk. Punk interrupts from on top of the tron, which is pretty badass. Punk says that they are through talking about John Cena, and this is the CM Punk show now. What he wants to talk about is the new Nexus. What tonight has shown is that McGuillicutty, Harris, and Otunga have proven themselves strong enough to be in the new Nexus. They sacrificed themselves through their initiations, and now he is prepared to do the same. His initiation will be the ultimate sacrifice, and it is his hope and dream that through his sacrifice, it will prove that not only was he a member of Nexus, but he was their leader. Should he dive off this tro- Jesus Christ Nashville wants death. Fucking hell. Punk asks if he should break every bone in his body, rupture every muscle, and Matthews says no. So do I. Punk spreads his arms, and pauses. He says there’s one question he needs to ask: How gullible are all of you people? He’s wearing a bright yellow harness. He has two guys spotting him. He’s safer there than anyone in their seats. He then says what kind of an idiot jumps off the tron? Consider themselves initiated, Nashville, they are all the biggest, mindless, group of sheep – JERICHO! – he has ever seen in his entire life. The injured, but members, of Nexus make their way out to the ring, short Gabriel and Slater.

Punk is in the ring now and says that if anyone watching actually thought he was going to jump off the tron, they are stupid. He takes off his shirt, and says that as we can see, he’s wearing a safety harness, and then says that someone who would consider doing such a rash thing, is mentally challenged (still hating on Jeff Hardy! =D), and he is mentally superior. There’s never been a thought in his mind to jump off the tron, he doesn’t need their approval or initiations, and he is the leader of the new Nexus. Punk says that Cena is no longer there. He got rid of Cena.

Cena’s voice comes and Cena says that he’s there, on that big screen you were gonna jump off of. Cena proceeds to insult him and that kind of thing, and says that he is wasting everyone’s time. Why would he bother to give the new Nexus a physical imitation? He’s already given them one. He said he would get his hands on each and every member of the Nexus, and he di-wait. There’s a new member he hasn’t managed to initiate, and that’s CM Sucks. Punk says he’s not afraid of John, and he will not stand in his ring on his show and be intimidated by John. John says prove it. Next week, CM Sucks faces John Cena in a match. Punk says that he accepts. Cena says he was hoping that Punk would. All those things Punk has been saying about Punk, they’re right. If you provoke him, he’s the most animalistic, brutal, violent, physical man on the planet. That means, next week, Punk gets dealt with. As sure as Cena wears purple and the sun rises in the morning, Punk gets dealt with. Next week, it’s not about t-shirts and armbands, it’s about him whooping Punk’s ass.

Up next, the WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley will take on Jerry “The King” Lawler and Randy Orton.

@Niki_Sushi What kind of idiot jumps off the Tron?! Me: Jeff Hardy? #BWF #RAW

@KeepItFiveStar “What kind of an idiot jumps off the tron?!” Jeff Hardy

@kickoutblog Punk is gonna Shane-O-Mac it up there.

@CMPunkSays I really wish John Cena wouldn’t bury the best thing in the WWE. That’s just… it’s just wrong.

@ThingsColeSays “CM Sucks” has to stop.

@kickoutblog John Cena’s been watching George Carlin.

@JonHexLives It’s like indie Punk has come back. #WWE #RAW #BWF

AWESOME!

The WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley vs Jerry “The King” Lawler and Randy Orton

Alex Riley and Jerry Lawler start the match, and Lawler goes for Miz, who jumps off the edge of the ring. Riley takes advantage and knocks Lawler down. Riley tags Miz in and Miz knocks Lawler across the ring. Lawler gets Miz down on the mat and begins to pound him. Miz runs out of the ring, but Lawler follows closely. Lawler then bounces Miz’ head off the announce table before sending him into the apron, and then into the steel steps. Miz rolls into the ring off a punch in the face, and then Miz sends his elbow into Lawler’s face and tags in Riley. Lawler sends Riley to the ground and tags in Orton. Riley backs away from Orton who follows, upper cutting him in the corner. The ref has to forcibly remove Orton from Riley, and Orton goes back, Whipping Riley across the ring, only to get a kick to the stomach. Miz is tagged in and hit with a clothesline before Orton stomps on Miz’ face once, then again. Orton then stomps on his stomach and steps on him, tagging in Lawler. Lawler gets Miz to his feet and punches Miz to his knees, twice, three times. King proceeds to unload on Miz in the corner, the referee having to force Lawler off. Miz retaliates with a kick to the face, and then goes over Lawler and punches him repeatedly, having to be forced off by the ref. Miz then sends Lawler to the mat before putting him in a headlock. Lawler fights up to his feet, but gets a knee to the midsection for his troubles. Miz then hits his swinging corner clothesline, sending Lawler face first into the mat.

@KeepItFiveStar C’mon Randy Orton. How you gonna wipe your mouth before coming out to wrestle? Didn’t wash your hands or anything.

We come back to Riley dominating over Lawler, and Riley runs shoulder first into the turnbuckle as Lawler rolls over, and nearly goes to tag in Miz. Riley runs to Lawler, and gets punched in the face for his troubles. Lawler reaches for Orton, but Riley tries to get Miz. Riley manages to tag Miz in, and Lawler technically tags in Orton, but Orton never saw it. Miz sets up the Skull Crushing Finale, but Orton gets in and manages to hit the RKO. Lawler goes for the cover as Orton hides behind the apron, and Riley breaks it up. Riley makes Miz tag him in, but Lawler manages to tag in Orton. Orton hits the scoop slam, and then the back breaker on Riley, all the while, keeping an eye on Miz too. Riley rolls under the ropes, but Orton grabs him and hits that DDT. He then hits the mat and sets up for the RKO. Miz tries to sneak in, but Orton sees him, and Miz slips back out. Riley stands up and tries for something, but Orton hits the RKO. Orton keeps his focus on Miz. Orton moves back and tags in Lawler while Orton stares at Miz. Lawler then drops his right hand on Riley for the win.

Randy Orton and Jerry “The King” Lawler win via pinfall.

Next week, CM Punk and John Cena will finally face off!!

Tonight’s RAW was made up for by the fact that del Rio got Sweet Chin Music’d by Shawn Michaels. And… I wasn’t fond of the main event, but I’m starting to get sick of Jerry wrestling. It’s a personal thing, I suppose. Anyway. We’ll see what happens next week! Later!

RAW 12.6.10

December 6, 2010 11:24 pm 10 Comments

It’s been a couple weeks since I last made a review, and I’d like to thank the boss man himself, ThinkSoJoE for covering the past two weeks for me! Now, next week is a special three-hour RAW (Jeez, these things are popping up everywhere! Old School, then King of the Ring, and now this!) that is dedicated to the Slammy Awards! But, we’re not there yet!

Tonight on Monday Night RAW, Randy Orton returns to the ring, Michael Cole must answer for his actions last week during the TLC match between Jerry “The King” Lawler and WWE Champion The Miz, and there’s supposed to be a Fatal Four Way match for the WWE Tag Team Championships?! Only way this can get better is if Jerry Lawler knocks Michael Cole out again!

Jerry Lawler and CM Punk are sitting together without Michael Cole!! The crowd chants for him, and Punk says that he thinks Lawler would have done it if it hadn’t been for Michael Cole.

Cole interrupts and comes out from the stage with a mic. He says that it is with the deepest remorse that he comes out tonight to try to explain his actions last week. He’s been wrestling with it all week long, and he doesn’t know why he did what he did. These people don’t understand how traumatic last week was for him. The hate mail that he received, how could everyone write those hurtful things about him? But, the one thing he won’t’ do is apologize for the way he feels about the Miz, because when The Miz started in this company, Cole was the only one who supported him. And when The Miz won the WWE Championship, it was like his own son had won the championship. So, Jerry, last week, when all this was going on in the ring, and Miz was down, and Jerry was climbing… Cole got caught up in the emotion of the moment. Jerry, because of that, that’s what he deeply regrets.

King picks up a mic and says that he really expected Cole to apologize, because Cole cost him the WWE Championship. Cole says he regrets his actions last week and asks if King has ever made a mistake, and says he made a mistake. King says that it may be a mistake, but he may have to go up there and finish what he started last week. He stands up, but Cole tells him to wait. Punk says he’s not going to stop King. Cole says they should talk about this like adults. The way he just acted, it rang a bell in Cole’s head. Cole believes the way that King just acted, King is as much to blame for last week as Cole is. Cole and King are supposed to report on the news, not make it. Last week, King made the news, King was the headline. King had to be Jerry “The King” Lawler one more time. He had to steal the spotlight, he couldn’t let The Miz have his one moment. King had to steal it from him. So, the more Cole thinks about this, he doesn’t think he owes King an apology. He thinks King owes him an apology. King says he’s going to come and give Cole what he thinks he owes Cole.

<YOU’VE GOT MAIL>

Punk says that he’ll handle it, since Cole’s scared to get out of the ring. Punk steps up to the podium and tells everyone hello. He says he’s always wanted to do it, then mocks Cole, much to everyone’s amusement.

“I am ordering a cease and desist on any physicality between Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler. Violation of this order will result in termination. What I would like right now is for Jerry to get in the ring and shake hands with Michael.”

Jerry starts toward the ring, and Punk says this isn’t worth King’s job. King gets in the ring, and shakes Cole’s hand. Cole walks away, but Jerry didn’t let go. King says no physicality. But, he thinks there’s someone in the back who may want to say something to him.

I hear voices in my head…

Randy walks out, Cole tries to leave again, but Lawler holds him there. Lawler finally lets Cole’s hand go, but keeps him in the ring anyway. Randy stands there, and Cole goes to leave, but Lawler makes him stay.

Orton says that he wants Cole to send a message to The Miz: Randy doesn’t blame him for cashing in when he did, because if the roles were reversed, he would have done the exact same thing. As a matter of fact, Randy and The Miz are a lot alike. The only difference is that Randy has proven that he has the ability to back up what he says in the ring. So, Cole, keep rooting for the Miz, Randy doesn’t care, because injured knee or not, he’s going to take back the WWE Championship from The Miz tonight.

AWESOME!

The Miz and Alex Riley walk out, with Lawler still keeping Cole in the ring, and Miz says that Randy used to be so original, so willing to stand on his own, but now he sounds like everyone else who is underestimating Miz. This past summer, they were both in the same Money in the Bank match. The only difference is Miz won and Randy lost. Now, Randy’s left standing there in the middle of that ring with nothing more than tough talk and an injured knee. Well, Miz stands on that stage, the new WWE Champion, and as far as Randy winning back his title tonight, yeeeah, that’s not gonna happen. Because, the RAW Gm already informed him that he successfully defended his title last week, he doesn’t have to defend it again until TLC in two weeks, against Randy. T he good news is that Randy’s knee is going to be all better, but it doesn’t make a difference, because Randy’s going to lose again. Randy says that it’s a great plan, but where are the seven guys who are going to beat him down before he faces him. Randy tells him not to look at Alex, because Riley doesn’t count as one. Riley says that that’s pretty funny coming from a guy on one leg. And even though The Miz doesn’t have to lower himself by facing Randy, Alex has five minutes to kill, and he’d like to challenge Randy Orton to a match. Randy says he doesn’t know what it is Alex just said, but he accepts. Miz says there’s one more thing Miz has to tell Randy, and that’s the stipulation for TLC. So, he’s going to think long and hard, because his decision is going to be just like him: Awesome. Randy says he’s looking forward to Miz’s decision, and for anyone out there who thinks he may be too injured to compete, there is one thing, injured knee or not, that he can still do very well. He then RKOs Michael Cole.

@kickoutblog Is CM Punk wearing a Charles Manson shirt? Brilliant. Take any concerns over last week’s wardrobe and crank it up to 11.

@JCenadotcom The announce table without Michael Cole? My God! You can tell Christmas is near. 🙂

@RingsideRants I will mark out so hard if Jim Ross comes out to announce tonight. #Raw

@WWEUniverse COLE SLAW, courtesy of @RandyOrton! #WWE

@Niki_Sushi Ah, Jerry. You’re a sneaky one, arentcha? RKO to the FACE! x3 #BWF #RAW

@Lunna1969 OMG!!! STFU COLE!!! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@TKeep123 Probably the biggest “YOU SUCK!” chant I’ve heard in many years…and all well deserved for… Michael Cole! #RAW #WWE #BWF

They play the video replay back, and Punk says that Cole tripped on his clown shoes right into an RKO. During the commercial, referees and staff had to help Michael Cole out of the ring. Josh Matthews joins Jerry Lawler and CM Punk ringside for commentary.

Ted DiBiase and Maryse vs United States Champion Daniel Bryan and Brie or Nikki Bella

Before the match one of the Bellas is already on Daniel’s arm, and the other one isn’t happy about it. But no one cares, because Maryse is in the ring.

DiBiase and Bryan start up, locking up for DiBiase to push him away. The other Bella heads down to the ring, and DiBiase keeps control of Daniel. Punk hopes another Maryse comes down, and so do I. Bryan gets control over DiBiase now, and Matthews calls Punk Miz. In the ring, the Divas are in, and Brie, I guess, gets advantage over Maryse, who goes for a cover, but Maryse kicks out. Maryse fights back, dropping Brie hard. Maryse seems to have hurt herself, and yells at DiBiase, then at Brie. She goes for a clothesline, but misses, only for Brie to go for a cover. DiBiase breaks it up, and Nikki switches while Maryse yells at Bryan, who is distracting the ref. Nikki goes for a small package and gets it for the win. Shit match, gonna be honest.

United States Champion Daniel Bryan and Nikki Bella win via pinfall.

Brie and Nikki seem to be working together again, and in the ring, Maryse and DiBiase fight, but Maryse puts her hand in his face, and walks away. He glares after her.

Coming up, Gabriel and Slater take on the Usos, Kozlov and Marella, and Henry and Tatsu for the WWE Tag Team Championships, and an exclusive interview with Wade Barrett.

Next week is a special three-hour RAW for the Slammy Awards!

@MattWRoberts I didn’t know Daniel Bryan was the guest host of Raw tonight!!! So cool!!

@RingsideRants Where is the anonymous GM for this Bella switch bullshit that happens every week? #LogicIsOverrated

@kickoutblog Good news: Daniel Bryan match without Michael Cole commentating. Bad news: it’s also a Bella match.

@seraphalexiel This is why Ted should’ve stuck with Virgil.

Now, the Wade Barrett interview, via satellite. Otunga, however, tells us that Barrett’s on his way to the arena for Slater and Gabriel’s title match. Matthews asks what they’re strategy is for taking out Cena, but Otunga says he’s not going to tell him that. They do have a plan, and Cena’s going to pick them off one by one, but the Nexus is going to stay united. Someone knocks, and Otunga says that the interview is over. He jerks the door open, and Otunga gets onto him for taking forever, and then says that he’s not paying for cold food. Someone knocks on the door again, and Otunga answers, only for it to be Cena. Harris, I believe, attacks Cena, but Otunga gets away. Cena proceeds to rip Harris apart, and then chases after Otunga.

@KeepItFiveStar Oh David Otunga, didn’t you learn anything from Edge and Lita?

@Niki_Sushi My poor Justin. :< I’ll play nurse for you. :3 #BWF #RAW

@TKeep123 Thanks, David, you stay in the hotel room….Room Service for you! Bet You Can’t SEE Housekeeping! #RAW #WWE #BWF

@HitTheRopes Yo, Nexus gets a new shirt like every other week now. #wwe

@kickoutblog Dear WWE Superstars: never invite a camera crew to your home or hotel room… it’s a guaranteed ass kicking.

We get back, and David Hart Smith is in the ring! Josh Matthews says he’s been waiting for this match for quite some time, but… they just fought on Superstars!

David Hart Smith vs Tyson Kidd

Tyson walks down to the ring with some tall ass- OMG! This is the guy that beat Goldust in the pre-RAW match when I was in Orlando! He’s a good wrestler, guys, very strong. Did beat Goldust… Don’t remember his name. EDIT: Apparently, it’s Jackson Andrews

ANYWAY!

Kidd and Smith start out, and Smith keeps a quick advantage until Kidd kicks him in the jaw, but it doesn’t last and Smith throws him back in the ring. Kidd gets a great advantage using his speed and attacks with hard kicks before throwing him into the middle of the ring. He puts his knee in smith’s back and pulls his arms back, but Smith fights to his feet, only for Kidd to kick him. Smith hits a clothesline, then a flying shoulder, then a belly to belly throw across the ring. Kidd gets to his feet, but Smith runs into an elbow. Kidd goes up top, but Smith hits him hard. Smith climbs up too, and hits a superplex, going for the cover. Kidd kicks out at two, and then counters an Irish Whip into the clothesline. Kidd counters to a roll through and pins him.

Tyson Kidd wins via pinfall.

Smith runs out and attacks Kidd, but the big guy slams Smith into the barrier, then throws him into the ring and joins him. The new guy then clotheslines Smith to hell. Kidd climbs in, looking like friggin Hornswoggle next to this guy.

Axe Murderer Gabriel is backstage with Slater and Barrett, and says that they aren’t safe anywhere. Gabriel says that he’s not sure how well he can defend the title, but Barrett says not to be afraid, and in the long run, everything is going to work itself off. Otunga apparently ran all the way to the arena and says that Barrett’s plan didn’t work. Barrett says it was Otunga’s execution of the plan. Slater and Gabriel need to focus on defending the titles. Barrett looks at Otunga and says that he’s going to go to the ring and call out Cena, and tells him to watch, because then he’ll learn something about taking care of business. Otunga says that Barrett better, because if he doesn’t, he may have a mutiny on his hands.

@KeepItFiveStar LMAO. Otunga with his Kenyan 600 like speed.

@Niki_Sushi ‘It’d be hard to kidnap this guy!’ Naw…. you think? #BWF #RAW

@TKeep123 Damn, that hotel must be close by! Looks like Otunga ran the whole way! #RAW #WWE #BWF

@Lunna1969 Dude looks like he has roid rage! #WWE #RAW #BWF

Fatal Four Way Tag Team Elimination Match for the WWE Tag Team Championships
Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov vs. Jimmy and Jey Uso with Tamina vs. Yoshi Tatsu and Mark Henry vs. The WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater

Wonder how Tamina will affect Santino’s chances… But, at least with this, we all know who will win.

Justin and Tatsu start out, locking up with Gabriel getting an advantage. Tatsu puts him in a headlock, no doubt causing a problem for Gabriel’s sore neck, but Tatsu ducks every move Gabriel throws at him. Tatsu hits a spinning heel kick and goes for a cover, but Gabriel kicks out. Gabriel fights back with a kick to the gut and tags in Slater, who is thrown to the ground. Tatsu then puts him in a submission (arm bar? I missed it), and Mark Henry is tagged in. Heath quickly tags in one of the Usos, who won’t get in, until Henry drags him in by his hair. Henry then punches Jey, apparently, in the head and drops him to the ground. Henry tags Tatsu back in and holds Jey as Tatsu plants his feet in Jey’s chest. Jey runs Tatsu into the corner and tags in Jimmy. Tatsu is being abused in the corner, and Jey is tagged in, and they hit their team finisher thing, and take Henry off the apron with a double baseball slide. Heath tags himself in through whichever Uso is in, and then goes for a cover on Tatsu, who cannot kick out.

Mark Henry and Yoshi Tatsu are eliminated.

The Usos come back in and really give it to Slater, who kicks out of the cover. Slater fights back, however, and the other Uso tags himself in, both of them dropping Slater. Gabriel breaks up the cover with a kick to the head. Uso then drops Slater to the mat, but Slater gets up, fighting back. Vladimir tags himself in using Heath to do so and proceeds to man handle everyone, knocking Slater and Gabriel and the other Uso off the apron, and then pinning him.

Jimmy and Jey Uso are eliminated.

So, it’s now Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov vs. Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater. Tamina stays with Santino, interestingly enough, and Gabriel works on weakening Kozlov’s leg. Gabriel goes for the cover, but Kozlov kicks out at two. Gabriel tags in Slater, who goes to town on Kozlov. The ref pushes him away, and Gabriel works on Kozlov. Kozlov whips Slater away and then head butts him. Santino comes in and suplexes Slater, who doesn’t like it much and lays Santino down. Gabriel is tagged in, and kicks Santino right in the face. Gabriel goes for a cover, but Santino kicks out. Tamina is still in the corner of Santino and Kozlov. Slater yells at the crowd to shut up, but in the ring, Santino’s fighting his way out of Gabriel’s headlock thing, and then flips Gabriel over him. Gabriel kicks him in the head, but Santino kicks out of the following cover at two. Nexus continues to tag in and out, keeping Santino in his corner, . Once again, Slater distracts the ref and Gabriel takes the time to attack Santino.

@HitTheRopes LOL, my brother is enamored by Tamina. Is contemplating how it must be to be with a woman that muscular

@Lunna1969: I like Yoshi but seeing him with Mark Henry is making me miss @findevan (Evan Bourne) a lot! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@KeepItFiveStar What kind of “Dogpile on the rabbit” move was that, Heath Slater?!

@kickoutblog If the ring blew up right now, WWE would no longer have a tag team division.

@Niki_Sushi I would rather hear Santino sing to his theme song than R Truth…. rap? his. #BWF #RAW

We come back to Gabriel trying to keep Kozlov out of his own corner. It doesn’t work, however, and Santino gets in to fight Gabriel. I see @FrankWWEClown’s wing. Santino gets Gabriel on his back with a hip toss, and then a head butt. Santino then punches Gabriel in the stomach and when he goes for a cover, Slater comes in to break it, and Kozlov goes out of the ring to get Slater away. Cena distracts Gabriel, who is hit with the Cobra for the win.

Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov win via pinfall and are the new WWE Tag Team Champions.

Tamina gives Santino a congratulatory kiss, and the three of them do the trumpet thing in the middle of the ring.

Still to come, Randy Orton is going to decimate Alex Riley, but up next is King Sheamus’ Coronation Ceremony!

@TKeep123 I told ya!!!!!! FEAR THE COBRA!! FEAR THE COBRA!! FEAR THE COBRA!! FEAR THE COBRA!! FEAR THE COBRA!! New Tag Champs! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@LadySwagger6 John Cena, you wore that outfit to RAW last week.

@KeepItFiveStar Tamina is definitely Snuka’s daughter. She hates shoes.

@kickoutblog DID SANTINO JUST THROW A STUNNER?!

By the way, everyone, in two weeks is WWE’s Tribute to the Troops featuring Diddy’s Dirty Money, Trace Adkins, Sherri Shepard, and whoever Miss USA was from last week. Because I didn’t care enough to pay attention to her name…

It’s a shameful thing, lobster head… Too many limes, too many limes…

Sheamus comes out with a wicked looking crown. I want it.

Sheamus says it’s good to be king. He says when he won King of the Ring least week, he didn’t just win the tournament, he restored credibility to the crown. He’s far superior to all of the peasants in the arena, and he’s a better fighter than anyone across the universe, he’s the man who ended Triple H’s career, the King of Kings. He kicked him off this throne, and became the new high king. The last high king of Ireland was a guy named Bryan something, and he fought for Ireland. He was feared and respected all across the land, but in the end, at the battle of some place, he fell and was defeated, and that will never happen to him, because his reign will live forever. He’s better than the best, and will not be remembered as Ronald McDonald or Conon O’Brien, but as the greatest high king in history.

Now listen, this ain’t no make believe…

Morrison says that if Sheamus was going to go this route, why not go all the way? Get some goblins, elves, gnomes, a satyr, even (the half-man, half-goat thing). Morrison says it could escort him to the ring and afterward, they could hang out. Sheamus says that he knows why Morrison is out there, Morrison is jealous. Morrison is jealous that Sheamus is a two-time WWE Champion, and that he’s the King of the Ring, and Morrison isn’t and never will be. Morrison is jealous that Sheamus has achieved more in the past two years than in his whole career, and that Sheamus is simply the better man. Morrison says that Sheamus is right: he’s achieved more and has more accolades. He’s a former WWE Champion, the King of the Ring, and last time Morrison checked, Morrison won at Survivor Series, and Sheamus beat him last week, but the score is tied and Morrison is the better man. Sheamus laughs and says that Morrison is a funny man. If Morrison’s sense of humor matched his in ring ability, he’d be wearing the crown, but he isn’t and he isn’t. And, from now on, Sheamus wants Morrison to refer to him either as ‘Your Highness’ or the High King of the WWE. But, what Sheamus wants most, is to send an example to his loyal subjects across the WWE Universe. He wants Morrison to get down on his hands and knees and bow to his king. Morrison says that he’s not going to do that, and that in this business there are no guarantees, but Morrison has one for him: Morrison will never bow down to King Sheamus.

Sheamus attacks Morrison and demands he get down, and Morrison punches him and attacks. Morrison just keeps going after Sheamus, and Morrison uses Sheamus’ own scepter and throne against Sheamus.

Tonight, Wade Barrett is going to call out John Cena and end things once and for all.

@kickoutblog King Sheamus will have the last laugh when he orders John Morrison to be beheaded

@TrueKofi what in the hell is sheamus wearing?!

@HitTheRopes Cut the jokes? Was that what Morrison was attempting to make there?

@Niki_Sushi Oh god. He called himself Ronald McDonald. My life is complete. #BWF #RAW

@KeepItFiveStar Story time with King Lobster Head

@JonHexLives: Is he a king or a wizard? #WWE #RAW #Sheamus

@TKeep123 Sheamus looks like Adam Savage on sterioids! ( #MythBusters ) #WWE #RAW #BWF

Diva’s Champion Natalya vs. Melina

Lay-Cool are ringside, invited by Michael Cole. Lawler sums up my thoughts: Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

Natalya starts dominating Melina, lifting Melina up and holding her up, and Punk tells everyone to shut up. Natalya goes for a cover, but Melina gets out and attacks Natalya back, slamming Natalya down onto her knees. Melina wraps her legs around Natalya’s middle, but Natalya gets Melina’s shoulder’s down. Natalya hits the spinning clothesline thing on Melina and gets her in a corner, attacking her, only to run into both of Melina’s feet. Natalya drops Melina into a split, and then locks in the Sharpshooter. Melina fights not to tap, but she finally does.

Natalya wins via submission.

LayCool get up and head into the ring, attacking Natalya. Melina, however, keeps walking away.

Still to come, Randy Orton is going to destroy Alex Riley, and Wade Barrett calls out John Cena!

@KeepItFiveStar Nattie just clotheslined Melina’s Vocal Chords out! She will never shriek again.

@TKeep123 hmm..Melina vs. Natalya. I’m torn here…how about just lots of close wrestling, lots of pin attempts, then kiss & make up. #WWE #RAW #BWF

@RingsideRants Screaming before you do every move is a dead giveaway, Melina.

@kickoutblog LayCool vs. Natalya won’t end until LayCool get the belt back. It’s not like there are any other heel Divas for Natalya to work with.

@ThingsColeSays Is CM Punk gonna have to choke a bitch?

Don’t forget! Next Monday, RAW starts at 8/7 Central for the Slammy Awards!

Alex Riley and The Miz are backstage, and Alex Riley says that he won’t let Miz down. Miz says that Riley is representing The Miz and everyone’s talking about how he won. Not to mention, they’re treating it as the turning point of this company, and Riley needs to beat Randy Orton. Riley says that the only way Orton will leave Louisville on his hands and knees. The Miz says after that, he won’t tell Randy what match they’ll have at the pay-per-view, he’ll show him.

I hear voices in my head…

Randy Orton vs Alex Riley is up next.

@Niki_Sushi Mm-mm-mm. I love me some sexy man, and the sexiest just came on out. I’z happeh. Now I want him to slaughter an idiot… OH WAIT! #BWF #RAW

@ThingsColeSays Did Miz just quote HBK? “Look in my eye!” bwhahahahahahaahahhahha

@kickoutblog This week’s Miz suit < last week’s Miz suit.

@kickoutblog At least Dennis Miller won’t be anywhere near this year’s Slammy Awards.

@Lunna1969 I so volunteer to be the person that oils Randy up!!! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@TKeep123 Amazing how entertaining this night has been WITHOUT Michael Cole on commentary! #WWE please take note! #RAW #BWF

AWESOME!

Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley with WWE Champion The Miz

The Miz is standing in Riley’s corner as this match begins, and Orton gets distracted by him right away, allowing Riley to focus on the knee again. Orton fights back, however, and throws Riley in the corner, getting forcibly moved away from the corner by the ref. Orton’s down, and Riley goes for a cover, but Orton kicks out. Riley stays focused on the injured knee. Randy gets back up and hits a suplex on Riley. Orton gets up again and hits Riley a few times, getting his momentum back. He hits an inverted atomic drop followed by a clothesline, and then his scoop slam. Riley rolls around the ring in pain for a minute, and manages to roll under the bottom rope, like an idiot. Orton hits that second rope DDT that we all love and then glares at Miz before flipping around and slamming onto the mat, pounding down. He gets up to hit it, but The Miz comes in and hits the Skull Crushing Finale.

Randy Orton wins via disqualification.

The Miz demands a microphone and says that he is going to show Orton what stipulation they are going to have at the pay per view. He goes under the ring and pulls out a table. He sets it up, scares the ref away (earning a laugh from me), and then lifts Randy up by his ears. Randy fights back, however, and goes to throw Miz into the table, but Miz gets out of it and flees the ring, leaving his rookie in the ring. Orton realizes this and turns his gaze to Riley. He picks Riley up, and then Batista Bombs power bombs Riley right through the table.

Barrett makes his way to the ring, and tells Otunga to make sure the rest of the guys are ready.

@KeepItFiveStar That might be the first time I’ve seen Randy Orton do a powerbomb…EVER!

@TKeep123 MIZ declares, It’s a BEVERAGE MATCH! OOPS, wrong side of the ring…. It’s a Tables Match! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@Niki_Sushi I love how there’s a refreshment box under the ring. #BWF #RAW

@Fullmetal_Ninja: #WWE #RAW A-Ri is gonna get his A-Hole ripped.

Another reminder of the Slammy’s. Seriously, just scroll up.

Barrett makes his way to the ring, hopefully with Otunga already having prepped Nexus to come out. Barrett says that he’s about to admit to something he’s never admitted to in his life: he got it wrong. He assumed that Cena was a man of his word, but we all know the stipulation from Survivor Series: it was free or fired, not free or turn up at RAW and attack the Nexus at will. It was free or fired and Cena was fired. If Cena had one ounce of integrity in his body, he’d never show his face here again. Barrett says that Cena can attack the rest of Nexus as much as he wants, but Nexus can’t get him hired, only Barrett can. With that being said, Barrett wants to invite Cena out to the ring now, from wherever it is he’s hiding, because there’s something he wants to get off his chest. Barrett tells Cena not to be shy, and Cena appears in the audience, high fiving people and making his way to the ring. Punk tells security they have a jumper, and I laugh.

Nexus comes out when Cena gets to the ring, with an apparently much better Harris. Barrett says that he’s allowed Cena out to the ring, but if Cena puts a foot out of line, or threatens him, Nexus will beat Cena within an inch of his life. Cena says okay. Barrett tells Cena that the WWE Universe can cheer as much as they want, but it doesn’t help. He knows that Cena has problems understanding him, so he’s going to say it slowly, and Cena can read his lips: This is not going to work. Barrett will never rehire him. Cena laughs before talking. He tells Barrett that he’s stupid, then mocks him. Cena says that being fired actually isn’t that bad. Technically, he’s not a WWE Superstar, but he’s part of the WWE Universe, and he still has a lot of friends, and he can tailgate with the WWE Universe, and they’re crazy. And best of all is that he has so much time on his hands that he can think of making the Nexus’ lives hell. Cena says at least Heat and Justin didn’t lose to Santino and the Cobra (oh wait), and then asks how the beatdowns last week were. And he asks how David and ‘Hasky’s’ room service was. Cena says that he’s perfectly content with staying fired, buying a ticket to ever RAW, and making the lives of every Nexus member miserable. So, Mr. Barrett, he doesn’t want to rehire Cena? Cena could care less. Cena asks fi they’re done, because he has to go party. Barrett says that he may be out to intimidate the rest of the Nexus, but he can’t intimidate Barrett. Barrett asks what insurances that the attacks are going to stop. Cena sys that if he was rehired, he’d have so much room for activities, compete in matches, have his own talk show, or he could compete for the WWE Championship. Cena says the reason he never thought of it is because he doesn’t have the WWE Championship. If Barrett keeps him fired, and all he has to do is buy a ticket and ruin his life. Cena says that if Barrett has the guts to hire him back, the attacks on Nexus may stop, but his attacks on Barrett will not. He deserves payback, and payback is what he will get. If Barrett was a man of honor and integrity, he’d rehire Cena on the spot, and they’d end it tonight. And if Barrett doesn’t, Cena’s going to get him, but Barrett will never know when or where, but it will happen. And it’s not just going to be once, he won’t stop. Every single day that Barrett is in the WWE, Cena makes it his promise that his life will be a nightmare. Barrett says that that sounded like a threat and tells Nexus to extinguish this man.

Nexus doesn’t move.

Barrett continues to tell them to come down to the ring, but Harris walks backstage, followed by Slater, Gabriel, and finally, Otunga, who all ignore repeated orders to return to the ring. Cena then tackles Barrett and chases him, hurling him into the steel steps. Cena pulls them away from the ring, and Punk tries to protect his diet soda. Punk says flat out that he’s moving. Cena gives Punk his soda this time, but Punk doesn’t seem to care. Barrett is lifted onto Cena’s shoulders, and climbs the steps, but Barrett takes off running, managing to make it out of the ring and up the ramp. The sound guys didn’t get the memo, and play Cena’s music. Cena offers Punk one of his wristbands, but Punk throws it away.

Barrett moves backstage and sees Nexus, and yells at all of them. Otunga stands there and says that Barrett may not be giving them orders anymore. Next week, Barrett either hires Cena back, or he’s kicked out of Nexus. Barrett says they have to be kidding, but the other members of Nexus gang up on him.

I’m sorry everyone, but the only image the website would let me post was the Blinded by Nexus one. xP I’ll try to get more of them up next week!!

This Cena angle is so much better than the Juan Cena angle and I’m happy I did not have to see that. So, next week, RAW starts at 8/7 Central and is the Slammy Awards!! Maybe I can talk ThinkSoJoE into helping me with our very own awards (that may come a few weeks later). Who knows? Stay tuned!

And I’m ending with a random thought: If Alex Riley can be called A-Ri, can I be called A-Kat?? Ahaha. Ignore that.

Tag Archive: Boss Man

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