WWE RAW results 11/9/09

@robbyfischer @BrdWrstlngFn I got a beer ready. 🙂 Oh how I miss Austin.

While I may not be able to drink tonight, the beer will likely be flowing tomorrow night when yours truly and BWF’s Random Redhead JT get an early start on our birthday celebrations tomorrow night.  For tonight though, it’s time for RAW in Sheffield, England!

@BigBBrown Adolf Hitler will be guest hosting Monday Night Nitro tonight live from Hell.

@RDLee This tweet better make it in the review!!!!!! #BWF – just because we like you.

Last week: Chris Jericho and The Big Show destroyed John Cena and DX.

RAW still wants to be loved – at least, until next week.  We’re live from Sheffield, England, and @ClubWWI’s @aaron24wood is in the house!

Ricky Hatton kicks things off as tonight’s guest host.  He brags about winning a world title in the same building a few years ago, and then he’s interrupted by the WWE Unified Tag Team Champions, JeriShow, both of whom tower over him.

@IVHORSEMEN Damn Ricky been eating good #wwe #bwf

@_MFS_ good thing I’ve got an energy drink, it’ll keep me awake through the obligatory ‘interrupt the guest host to demand stuff’ start 2 #RAW #BWF

@cmpg Is Jericho and Big Show the unofficial welcoming committee for each new guest host? #WWE #RAW #BWF

Show makes fun of Hatton for being short, and Hatton says he loved it when Show got beaten by a boxer.  Show offers Hatton a free shot.  Hatton says he needs to get a ladder first.  Show kneels down and is still almost as tall as Hatton.  Hatton goes for the free shot, but Jericho stops him.  Jericho says that Show has enough to worry about with Undertaker and Jericho as his opponents at Survivor Series.  Show questions him and Jericho brags about the roll he’s been on.  Show says he’s the only one walking out as World Heavyweight Champion at Survivor Series.  Hatton makes a match for tonight – JeriShow vs. DX.  Jericho says he’s just as bad as all the fans, as only Jericho can.  Hatton tells him to speak English.  Jericho says he is speaking perfect English.  Hatton says he’s just a guy with a bad haircut.

BREAK IT DOWN!

DX arrive on the scene.  They tell JeriShow that they’re lucky DX came to save them from getting knocked out by Hatton.  Triple H tells Hatton that they’ll take care of the Honey Monster and Mr. Bean tonight.  HBK says to forget about tonight, how about right now?  He knocks Jericho out of the ring, and Show rolls up his sleeves as though he were going to take on all three of them, but he bails.  DX and Hatton do the “two words” shtick and set off the pyro.

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@spicypeanut HHH is speaking about humiliation while wearing spandex underwear while speaking to two men in nice suits. Hey Trips? Are you ok?

Last week: Alicia Fox won a Diva’s Boring Royal.

Kelly Kelly heads to the ring, and she’s got Gail Kim with her for some reason.  Alicia Fox is her opponent, and has Jillian with her for some reason.  Fox will be getting her Diva’s Championship match next week from Madison Square Garden, which will be attended by @steverechtman.

Alicia Fox def. Kelly Kelly

If you want a review of this match, I’ve got two words for ya.  “Who Cares?”  Fox wins with the scissor kick.

@fozzyfan RT @WellYoureWrong: I’m convinced Kelly Kelly has no soul. #wwe <– Or brain, or talent, or…

Ricky Hatton introduces his kid to John Cena, who says Hatton is doing an awesome job, but complains that he’s not booked.  Hatton says somethingorother that I couldn’t be arsed to pay attention to.

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@AndrewJanus god in heaven…he let his son out of the house dressed like that? #WWE #RAW (Hatton’s kid was wearing a bunch of John Cena and DX merch)

@x_tialicia yuck, Cena is on my tv screen. back to reading Cosmo. #WWE

Last Monday: Sheamus damn near killed Jamie Noble.

Speaking of Sheamus, he’s here!  He’s also a part of Team Miz at Survivor Series.  It’s Miz, Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger, Sheamus, and Drew McIntyre vs. John Morrison, Shelton Benjamin, Finlay, Evan Bourne, and Matt Hardy.  Sheamus says that last week he said he’d end Jamie Noble’s career, and he did.  Right now, he’ll do what the Irish have always done – walk through this Englishman and make him look like a fool

Sheamus vs. some English dude

Poor English dude, he doesn’t even get a name.  Sheamus destroys him with ease.

Still to come, Mark Henry vs. Randy Orton, and DX vs. Jeri-Show.

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@NiKiharu How to beat Sheamus: Wrestle during the day. He won’t show up.

The Bella Twins are sucking up to Ricky Hatton backstage.  I still can’t understand a word this guy is saying.  They challenge him to a game of darts, when Santino shos up dressed like a fat boxer.  Santino says his name today is Ricky Fatton.  Chavo Guerrero shows up and accuses Santino of sucking up.  Chavo says he can beat Hatton at anything.  He throws a dart and nearly misses the board, while Hatton gets a bullseye.  Chavo says he’s not here to play darts, he’s here to challenge Santino.  Hatton says we’ll do boxer vs. wrestler, Chavo vs. Ricky.  Not Ricky Fatton, Ricky Hatton.

Look at this tool.

The tool, Josh Matthews, is standing by with The Miz, and wondering how he thinks he’ll be successful at Survivor Series?  Miz reminds us that he’s the only person from RAW to win his Bragging Rights match last month, beating captain John Morrison.  Jack Swagger interrupts.  He says Miz is in awe of Jack Swagger, and brags about being undefeated.  Miz should watch what he does to Evan Bourne.  They do a babbling argument promo and I lose track of it.  Really.

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@DCsPeoplesChamp I wonder how many takes it took for Hatton to get a bullseye…Santino still owns! #bwf

@xsmoothx #RAW You’re watching Monday Night REALLLLLLLY!!!!

@legendkiller515 raw is getting real stale real fast

I agree with @legendkiller515 (no, that’s not BWF’s Legend Killer, if you’re wondering), this show is getting real stale real fast.  Maybe this guy can make it better – Evan Bourne hits the ring, and he’s set to job to The All American American, Jack Swagger.

Evan Bourne def. Jack Swagger

As Swagger is dominating this match, The Miz makes his way to the ring.  Swagger tries to show off, but he gets kneed in the skull by Bourne, who hits the Shooting Star Press for the win!?!

After the match, Miz says he’s the team captain at Survivor Series, because he’s The Miz, and he’s AWESOME!

Mark Henry is up next!

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@jswrestling It’s still hard for me to believe that Mike from The Real World Season 10 is our US Champion. He’s come a long way.

@_MFS_ So Mark Henry was either doing push ups while standing up or trying to push over a brick way, either way… FAIL #WWE #RAW #BWF

Two weeks ago: Yours truly was subjected to the terrible guest hosting of Kyle Busch and Joey Lagano.  Busch, in the RAW car, won at Texas.  Whatever that means.

I thought we were going to have a match.  but apparently it’s the VIP Lounge with MVP and Mark Henry.  They’re in yet another traditional Survivor Series match – Kofi Kingston captains Christian, MVP, Mark Henry, and R-Truth against Randy Orton’s team featuring Legacy, William Regal, and CM Punk.  MVP does the usual VIP Lounge spiel.  Mark Henry introduces their guest, Kofi Kingston.  JAMAFRICAN ME CRAZY, KOFI!  They take turns putting each other over.  Randy Orton and Legacy crash the VIP Lounge after intimidating the bouncer.  Orton calls them a bunch of low class street thugs.  Mark Henry stole a victory, MVP is the definition of the common criminal, and Kofi Kingston should be in jail for what he did to Orton’s car.  The only reason Orton hasn’t done anything is because he wants to embarrass Kofi and his team at Survivor Series.  Legacy mock the VIP Lounge, and Orton says that they were born into this business and belong here.  The only place Henry, MVP, and Kingston belong is the hood where they came from.

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@MissieBird Oh no he didn’t! (at least he didn’t say the only place you belong is in the back of the bus… )

Randy Orton def. Mark Henry

This match is already going on when we come back, and the two combatants’ respective allies are ringside.  In the end, Orton drops an RKO out of nowhere for the victory.

After the match, Kofi comes in to check on Henry.  Orton slaps him, but Kingston slaps him right back.

Up next, Ricky Hatton faces Chavo Guerrero.  Joy.

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@_MFS_ I honestly fell asleep during that last match, woke up when my upstairs neighbor dropped something #WWE #RAW #BWF

@AlyKat_730 … *sighs* I don’t want to watch the main event… and I don’t really wanna watch the boxer v wrestler match.

@chjpacheco #BWF raw has lost it’s step its always boring

The new RAW theme that we told you about two weeks ago is debuting next week.  When did Nickelback become the number one band in America?  First of all, they suck.  Second of all, they’re Canadian.

OOOH, JOBBO!

Chavo’s here, and at least he’s not singing.  Ricky Hatton is here dressed like a Mexican.  Seriously.  Cole even calls him “The Manchester Mexican.”  I don’t know if that’s a real thing or not, but it’s ridiculous.  Hatton can only win by knockout, Guerrero only by pinfall or submission.

Ricky Hatton def. Chavo Guerrero

Guess what happened?  Hatton punched Guerrero and won the match by knockout.  Cole says it’s 33 knockouts now for Hatton, as if it actually counts.

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@swimbabe5409 Wtf? Wwe really needs to give @mexwarrior the push he deserves!

@TheGiorgis I’m watching Ricky Hatton vs Chavo Guerrero on RAW. WHY???????

John Cena tries to convince Hornswoggle to stop wearing DX gear.  DX shows up, and give Cena the third degree.  Cena tells them they should focus on their tag match tonight.  They turn “Tweeting” into some kind of gay joke.  Thanks Trips.  I’m sure all of these folks that were mentioned in this post so far appreciate that.  Anyways, DX ask where Hornswoggle is, and Cena calls for him.  Hornswoggle comes out from hiding dressed like Cena and does the “Can’t see me” thing.  DX leaves and Hornswoggle takes the cena gear off and has his DX gear still on under it.

The Big Show and Chris Jericho take on DX, NEXT!

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Well folks, each and every week, I have to work Monday Nights and it makes me miss the end of the show, and we, like the WWE, have a guest host for Monday Night RAW.  Well, tonight is a historic night for BoredWrestlingFan – it’s the first time since we started doing the guest host thing that we’ve got somebody who isn’t a writer for the site taking over.  Volunteering for the guest hosting spot this week is one of our Twitter followers, @aemckay!

Cena is with Cole and The King and they discuss Hornswoggle as DX enter the ring.

Michaels and Jericho start the match with some back and forth running strikes. HBK tags in Hunter, who Whips Jericho into the corner. Jericho fights back and backs HHH into the opposite turnbuckle. Jericho hits an Irish Whip and on his way back HHH strikes him with a high knee. Jericho tries again and gets thrown out of the ring as we go to a break.

We come back to find Chris Jericho and Shawn Michaels in the ring. Jericho slaps Michaels, then tags in Big Show. Show chokes him and then launches him into the ropes. Michaels counters, goes to pin, and gets thrown off. Big Show gets up, headbutts HBK, walks over him and then tags Jericho back in. Jericho grinds HBK down with some grapples and then tags Show back in. Show brings HBK into the middle of the ring and he jumps in to take HHH.

Show throws HHH to the ropes, goes to anticipate a clothesline and gets a jumping knee for his troubles. HHH then attempts a Pedigree and is thrown over Shows back. Show then takes him to the corner and tags Jericho back in. Jericho kicks HHH, showboats, and then locks in a sleeper hold.

HHH slowly gets up and breaks it, but Jericho knocks him back down. He mocks Micheals then pins Hunter for a 2 count. Jericho tags Show back in and they use HHH’s legs like he was a wishbone. While he’s still on the ground Show walks over then stands on HHH.

Show takes HHH into a turnbuckle, then another, before Hunter tries to fight back. Show knocks him down again and then splashes him, getting a 2 count. Show then grips HHH’s mid section as Jericho talks smack, and Cena quotes him as calling Show “a giant destroyer”.

Show brings HHH up, chops him then tags Jericho in. HHH and Jericho have some back and forth punching until Jericho backs him into the corner and beats on him. Jericho takes HHH to the other corner, goes to Irish Whip him, but HHH gets in a spinebuster. HHH crawls to HBK for a tag, who gets in some vintage running stikes and a kip up, before knocking Show off the apron. Michaels then goes to the top rope for a flying elbow drop, tries to hit a Sweet Chin Music, Jericho counters into a Walls Of Jericho attempt, but HBK fights it off.

Show then comes in as they go into a corner, squashing them both. HBK turns round as Show tries to KO punch him, but HBK ducks and hits Jericho. HHH then takes Show out of the ring and Michaels gets the win.

Justin Roberts then cuts the DX music off to announce that hes just been informed that next week’s main event on RAW will be a triple threat tag team match. It will be D-Generation X vs Chris Jericho & Big Show vs John Cena and his partner…

Cena is standing on top of the announcers table with a smile on his face as we hear a gong sound and the lights go out. We then see flames and smoke at the top of the ramp and The Undertaker appears. DX and Jeri-Show look puzzled as Cena looks confident and ‘Taker stares them all down.

Michael Cole then hypes up the fact it will be at Madison Square Garden next week. He fails to mention the good news of Roddy Piper being the guest host and the bad news of Nickleback’s song being the new RAW theme. That’s Monday Night Raw for another week. It was a decent back and forth tag match but it seemed a little short. I’m sure next week will make up for that though.

Thanks to @aemckay and all the rest of the twitterverse who made it into this week’s RAW review!