WWE SmackDown results 8/14/09

Last week, Matt Hardy cost CM Punk his chance at regaining his World Heavyweight Champion, leading to Punk assaulting Matt’s younger brother, champion Jeff Hardy.  Teddy Long agreed to give Punk a rematch at SummerSlam in a TLC match.

Speaking of CM Punk, he’s here!   And he’s got an awesome new t-shirt that I want!

Punk says that if Teddy Long thinks that he’s punishing Punk by making the title match at SummerSlam a TLC match, he’s wrong.  Punk knows his way around ladder matches – he won Money In The Bank at back to back WrestleManias.  Chairs?  Did you see what he did to Hardy last week?  Punk says he’s speak about the virtues of living clean, but he realizes that anything he says or does will just make people cheer Jeff Hardy more.  He’s figured out what he has to do to get through to them though.  He figures all he has to do is end Jeff Hardy.  He wants to do it the same way he lives his life – the right way.  Straight up, one on one, no family on the outside, just Jeff Hardy and CM Punk with the World Heavyweight Championship hanging above the ring, and TLC.  Jeff is already going to screw this up like he does everything else, he might not make it to SummerSlam.

You know it’s the Mack Militant…

Teddy Long makes his way out to the ring, interrupting Punk mid-sentence.  What Punk did last week was deplorable.  He could’ve ended Jeff Hardy’s career.  Before he starts making alternative plans for SummerSlam, however, Jeff Hardy is in the building!  He’s in no condition to compete, but he’s assured T-Lo that he’ll be ready to go for SummerSlam.  But enough about SummerSlam, tonight, Punk is set to go one on one with a man he hasn’t beaten on SmackDown, John Morrison.  Punk calls Long a Jeff Hardy suck-up like all the fans.  He says tonight he’ll beat John Morrison, and then at SummerSlam, he’ll beat the poster boy…

So you see the writing on the wall…

Punk can’t seem to finish a thought around here tonight.  The World Heavyweight Champion hobbles down to the ring, stopping to shake hands with the fans along the way.  Hardy is hurt, but he’s here – “IN YO’ FACE!”  Hardy says he’ll endure the pain and defend the title at SummerSlam.

Last week, Kane kidnapped Ranjin Singh.

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Teddy Long has his theme song as his ring tone.  I know this because Mr. McMahon called him on it when he was sitting in his office.  The boss wants Jeff Hardy in action tonight.  Long protests, but since he’s still on probation, he’ll agree to have Jeff compete – against The Hart Dynasty.

Finlay still has Hornswoggle’s music, and he makes his way to the ring.  Last Friday, he was pinned by Dolph Ziggler, who will face Rey Mysterio at SummerSlam for the Intercontinental Championship.  Speaking of Ziggler, guess who Finlay’s opponent is tonight.  Hey wait a minute – when did Tony Chimel become the ring announcer for SmackDown again?  I liked Justin Roberts, dammit!

Dolph Ziggler def. Finlay

Finlay likes to beat people up, and that’s what he does in the early going.  Ziggler turns things around and kicks Finlay’s head into the ring post.  Mike Knox appears on the ramp and starts walking down to the ring as we head to a…

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Knox is getting a close up view of this match we’re watching from the comfort of our living rooms (or the BWF offices, as the case may be).  Ziggler is still in control.  Finlay starts to battle back, but Ziggler doesn’t let the comeback last too long.  Finlay turns the tide again, taking Ziggler down for a two count.  He builds momentum, sending Ziggler over the top rope and to the floor.  Finlay hits Knox for good measure, then takes Ziggler down.  While the referee was checking on Ziggler, Knox hit Finlay with the shillelagh, allowing Ziggler to hit his finisher for the victory.

After the match, Knox comes after Finlay with the shillelagh, but Finlay knocks hit out of his hand.  No matter, Knox uses his brute strength to assault Finlay, and gives him a sidewalk slam onto the steel steps.  Knox says that there are 206 bones in the human body, but what fascinates him is that the slightest trauma on the cervical vertebrae leaves one in excruciating discomfort.

Still to come, it’s John Morrison vs. CM Punk, and Jeff Hardy faces The Hart Dynasty by orders of Mr. McMahon.

Ranjin Singh is tied up backstage, and Kane says he’ll let him go if he says what Kane wants him to say.  Singh says that his name is Ranjin Singh, and he’s been punished for his association with The Great Khali.  He’s been well taken care of.  Kane says he wants to hear from Khali.  He wants to see him.  He wants him to come and have a look at Kane’s handy work.

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Video package on R-Truth, for some reason.

Maria’s got a date with Dolph and can’t figure out what to wear.  Melina asks what they’re doing SummerSlam weekend.  Dolph is taking her to LA a few days early and they’re getting a nice hotel room.  Layla comes in and says Dolph will leave when somebody better comes along.  Layla tells Melina that Michelle McCool is coming back next week.  Melina says she’s got a message for Michelle, and she’ll give it to her in the ring.

John Morrison is out first for his match.  Last night he beat David Hart Smith on Superstars, and tonight he’s got a match with the number one contender for the World Heavyweight Championship, and that is NEXT!

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CM Punk and his awesome new shirt come down to the ring when we come back, and we relive his attack on Jeff Hardy last week.

CM Punk def. John Morrison

You knew it.  I knew it.  This is one of those matches.  One of those matches you just have to sit back and watch.  Back and forth action early on, but Punk suckered Morrison out of the ring, knocking him down with a kick and hitting a guillotine kneedrop of sorts to the back of Morrison’s skull before we proceed to a…

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Punk is in control when we come back.  He smiles, and the crowd boos accordingly.  Morrison starts battling back.  JR calls them “two future world champions.”  Nevermind the fact that both men are former ECW Champions, and that Punk is the former two time World Heavyweight Champion.  Morrison takes control of the match, scoring two counts on a standing moonsault and a top rope cross body.  Punk manages to get control back, and gets Morrison up in GTS position, but instead rams Morrison head first into the turnbuckle a couple of times.  Punk lays in the kicks as the fans start to chant for Morrison.  JoMo mounts another comeback, but as he goes for Starship Pain, Punk gets up and crotches Morrison on the top turnbuckle.  Morrison winds up in the tree of woe, allowing Punk to get in a number of shots before picking him up and hitting the Go 2 Sleep for the victory!

This is why I love SmackDown.  Even when there’s not a whole lot of wrestling on the show, there are still some of the best wrestling matches in recent memory.   Anyways, Hardy vs. The Hart Dynasty is still to come!

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Melina makes her way out to the ring, and… and… I think… Could it possibly be?  Oh my god, it is!  It’s a one on one Divas match!  Layla starts heading down to the ring, and…

Backstage, Kane is asking Ranjin why Khali is such a freak.  Singh says that he’s not a freak, he’s his brother.  Kane wants to know if he’s jealous of him because he’s been given gifts of which he was deprived.  Kane says he’s running out of patience, so if Khali is going to save him, he’d better make it quick.

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Hey wait!  We’ve still got a Diva’s match!

Melina def. Layla

It’s a one on one Diva’s match!  That never happens!  And nobody really cares, because JR and Todd Grisham are talking about The Great Khali.  Anyways, while I’m happy it’s not another 4, 6, 8, 12 Diva match, I really don’t care because we know who’s going to win this match – despite the fact that Layla is getting some offense in.  More evidence that nobody cares about this match.  JR and Grisham talk about Gail Kim being the number one contender for the Divas Championship on RAW, and the crowd is chanting “Let’s Go Oilers.”  Layla looks to be improving in the ring, but she’s only postponing the inevitable.  Melina hits her finisher, and the match is over.

Speaking of things nobody cares about, DX is reuniting, and Cryme Tyme is (are?) making their way to the ring.

Oh no.  Somebody gave them a microphone.  Yoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyo.  Yo.  Yooooo.  They babble like idiots for five minutes about Jericho and The Big Show.  I don’t care.  Then they do a modified version of that stupid catch phrase (yeah yeah).

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The Big Show makes his way to the ring, set to eat take on JTG.

Big Show vs. JTG

Chris Jericho joins in on commentary, meaning that this match might actually be watchable.  That’s not to say I’m watching it – I’m eating some lasagna instead.  Anyways, Show hits the chokeslam and then the camel clutch for the relatively easy victory.

As Show and Jericho go to leave, Shad dumps Big Show over the top rope.  He challenges Show to get into the ring, but apparently that’s not going to happen because…

Ranjin Singh is tied upside down backstage when The Great Khali finally finds him.  As Khali is getting him down, Kane attacks him with a lead pipe.  Kane says he’s never been afraid of Khali, but Khali should be afraid of him.

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VIDEO: Triple H finds Shawn Michaels.

Rundown of the SummerFestSlam card.

Jeff Hardy is forced to wrestle tonight by order of Mr. McMahon, and the World Heavyweight Champion appears to be in pain as he makes his way to the ring.

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The fans are cheering for their Canadian brethren, The Hart Dynasty, as they make their way to the ring.

The Hart Dynasty def. Jeff Hardy

This is one of those handicapped matches where the tag team has to tag each other in and out, which is good for Hardy, but is also essentially a moot point, considering the apparent physical condition of the Charismatic Enigma.  The Hart Dynasty dominate this one, and pick up the win with a modified Hart Attack.

CM Punk comes to the ring following the match and assaults Hardy again until John Morrison makes the save.  As Morrison is battling the Hart Dynasty, Punk cracked him across the back with a steel chair before resuming his assault on Jeff Hardy.  He once again wraps the chair around Jeff’s throat, but Matt Hardy makes the save, attacking Punk from behind.  Matt Hardy wails away on the number one contender until the Hart Dynasty breaks it up, but John Morrison helps dispose of them.  Matt looks at his fallen brother and walks over to him slowly.  Jeff backs into the corner, but Matt helps him to his feet.  Jeff flashes the V1 sign to his brother, and as Teddy Long watches on a monitor backstage, he’s joined by Mr. McMahon.  McMahon says the show was pretty exciting, but next week?  Next week it will be CM Punk and The Hart Dynasty taking on John Morrison and The Hardyz.  Mr. McMahon tells him he’s still on probation.  Next week’s two main event teams glare up the ramp at one another as we fade to black.

My Thoughts: Matt Hardy, eh?  I guess we’ll have to wait and see what happens there.  Another solid episode of SmackDown.  I don’t really have a lot to say, however.  I’ll be around in a few for a new edition of ThinkSoJoE’s thoughts.