More Mania Thoughts and Predictions

It just wouldn’t be Wrestlemania Week without every keyboard-bashing monkey who knows the difference between a wrist lock and a wristwatch weighing in on match predictions and offering generally self-important commentary on the biggest wrestling – er – sports entertainment show of the year. Know what I have to say to that? My turn!

WWE Champion Triple H vs. Randy Orton

Trips wins. As if there’s any doubt. This was a storyline that really could have gone places. It did, but all the wrong places. Randy Orton was hotter than he had ever been, and people were absolutely into him. This whole story just got dragged out too long, and should have been left alone earlier. I’ll probably get slammed majorly for this, but the last thing that I wanted to see was the McMahon family stepping up to the Legacy at the end of RAW. This could have been THE moment for Orton and the Legacy. It won’t.

World Heavyweight Champion Edge vs. John Cena vs. Big Show (Triple Threat Match)

John Cena wins. Again, it’s not necessarily the best idea, but no way is this guy losing at Mania. I like a comedy love triangle story as much as anyone, but this one really hasn’t clicked well. Wrestlemania should be about the titles and major feuds, and throwing the “Who will Win Vickie Guerrero?” aspect into the match really cheapens it. A World Heavyweight Championship Title match does not need that type of extra flavor.

Intercontinental Champion JBL vs. Rey Mysterio

This match screams “Oh crap! We forgot to put the guy who single-handedly draws the Hispanic demographic on the show!” The IC title should be a major reward, not a consolation prize, which is what it looks like by having JBL win it and Rey challenging for it. With all of JBL’s promises to do something legendary at Mania, look for him to retain the IC title, retire it, and take his rightful place at the announce table.

Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy (Extreme Rules Match)

This looks to be really good. Matt versus Jeff couldn’t really have happened before this year and actually worked, and I’m hoping to see an absolutely unbridled vicious side of Matt Hardy in this match. Matt has pushed and pushed Jeff, but this story isn’t ready to end at Mania. It really hasn’t played out long enough. There’s still more to come, and with that thought in mind, Matt wins after using his more grounded technical skills and savage brutality to take out the more daredevil Jeff. Jeff really shouldn’t win until the feud is ready to end, and it shouldn’t yet. I’m all for things beginning and ending at Mania, but this story just doesn’t feel complete.

WWE Tag Team Champions [Carlito and Primo Colon] vs. World Tag Team Champions [The Miz and John Morrison] (Unified Tag Team Championship Lumberjack Match)

The Miz and John Morrison win, and unify the tag team belts. Please don’t let this match come down to the interference of the feuding and still interchangeable Bella twins! Please? The fact that there’s as much focus on these two twits as there is on the actual tag teams and belts causes concern. No title unification match at Wrestlemania should hang on the interference of irrelevant valets. Period.

Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker

Undertaker wins, and the Streak (insert Ray Stevens song here) remains intact. This match will be great. Probably the match of the night. And well should it be, considering the two guys involved. The fact that Mania is in Texas, and both Michaels and Taker are from Texas, will kick this match off the chart. However, the very idea that Shawn Michaels should be the one to end Undertaker’s Mania win streak is incomprehensible. The Streak is almost as legendary as the man who holds it. The person who ends it, if anyone ever does (and it might not ought to be ended at all), would be catapulted to the highest level and be forever remembered in the annals of pro wrestling as the guy who ended a legendary winning streak. Michaels doesn’t need that. He’s already a legend in his own right, and, in a sense, ending Taker’s streak would be wasted on him. It’s not as if he suddenly needs to get over after a lengthy absence. If someone is going to finally defeat the Undertaker at Wrestlemania, it should not be Shawn Michaels.

Money in the Bank Ladder Match (Mark Henry, Finley, CM Punk, Kane, Shelton Benjamin, Kofi Kingston, MVP [US Champion], Christian)

I would love to see CM Punk win this because CM Punk rules. He’s my favorite guy in the match, and I’m totally biased in his favor. The fact that he has already won it once, though, makes it unlikely. As much as I love Punk, he really shouldn’t even be in this match. Previous winners shouldn’t be in it again, and if they must, it should be quite a while. Several years, possibly. Punk should be in a one-on-one Mania match, which is described below. Christian winning the MITB would be amazing, because he would then be in a position to insert himself in angles involving Edge or the Hardys afterwards. He’s certainly the most experienced “ladder match” guy of the lot. However, Vince doesn’t see him as a star, and the MITB isn’t just a ladder match. It’s a guaranteed title shot, and I don’t see Christian being allowed that at this point. Therefore, with my first choice (CM Punk) and my second choice (Christian) being highly unlikely, I’m calling MVP to win it. He has the US title, which means that he’ll probably have to lose it to someone before cashing in his title shot. This could be the start of a major angle for MVP if he wins.

25-Diva Battle Royal for title of “Miss WrestleMania”

Ugh. This is a complete waste, but not for the reasons one might assume. Lance Storm was completely right when he said that this match was a good idea because it gave more of the women a piece of the big Mania payday, which they would not otherwise get. That much is absolutely fair. Unfortunately for them, a 25-person over-the-top-rope elimination battle royal is going to be a giant mess no matter who is in it. That’s just too many people in one ring at a time, and all of them can’t even wrestle to begin with. Candice Michelle and Ashley Massaro won’t be involved, so the chances of serious injury for everyone else in the match just went down. Some of the truly important former Divas aren’t going to be involved, and it really doesn’t feel significant. Sunny will be there, as will Victoria, Torrie Wilson, Jackie Gayda-Haas, and Molly Holly, but let’s look at the list of those who will not. Wendy Richter turned them down, supposedly. Sable and Dawn Marie are both pregnant, and won’t be there. Lita won’t be there, and after how she was treated at the end of her tenure, one can’t blame her at all. The Fabulous Moolah is no longer with us, not that she should have won such a thing, but come on, it’s Moolah. Mae Young won’t be involved in the match itself, but, to be fair, she IS almost 90 years old now. Amy Weber and Joy Giovanni don’t count as major contributors, but they won’t be there. Christy Hemme and Jacqueline (the original Jackie) obviously weren’t asked, as they currently work for TNA. Gail Kim is there. Terri Runnels isn’t. Debra won’t be there. I don’t personally know about Chyna (unlikely) or Jazz. There may not even be 25 women to put in the match by the time it’s all done. With some of the truly legendary Divas not being involved in this match, the original point seems to have been lost. Even so, I call Trish Stratus to win, as she deserves the title of “Miss Wrestlemania” (such as it is) more than anyone, past or present.

Chris Jericho vs. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat & Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka (w/ Ric Flair)

This is terrible. Chris Jericho wrestling three old guys who can barely move, bona fide legends though they may be, is a very bad decision. Sure, this could all be a swerve and Stone Cold comes out at the actual show to defend the honor of legends everywhere, and it’s really a one-on-one match. The entire angle also could have and should have served the purpose of elevating someone who stepped up to fight on behalf of the legends who inspired him to get into wrestling in the first place. Someone like CM Punk would have been perfect for this, despite the fact that Punk has already been World Champion once. Imagine the absolute GOLD that a promo war between Jericho and Punk would have been! Jericho takes out legend after legend, then Punk steps up and announces that he’s had enough of the disrespect, and that if Jericho wants to bully someone, he can try to bully him. Part of Punk’s appeal to the masses is that he’s one of us, a regular guy who was a fan, and who just happened to have the talent and drive to realize his wrestling dream. Inspiration from legends such as these three is almost built in to the story. This would have been a great Mania match. At least the match of Jericho/Punk wouldn’t have given away the winner. It could have gone either way. No such luck here. Jericho loses at Mania, no matter who and how many he faces in the ring. Aside from the fact that he has already succeeded in beating up the legends, no way is the feel-good vibe of Mania being sullied by evil Jericho winning. Jericho will not only lose, he’ll do so in utterly humiliating fashion. Jericho and the fans deserve better than this.

Let’s see what happens!

Peace out,

Drowgoddess