SmackDown review 10/23/09

Tonight, The Undertaker defends his World Heavyweight Championship against CM Punk in a submission match!  Will lightning strike twice?  We’ll find out tonight on Friday Night SmackDown!

Following a brief promo video for tonight’s main event, the terrible new SmackDown theme plays and we’re live from the University of South Carolina with RAW’s announce team calling the action!  Later on tonight, it’s Batista and Rey Mysterio vs. Chris Jericho and Kane.  Jim Ross isn’t feeling well.  The King says that it won’t be the same without Todd Grisham and Jim Ross – it’ll be better!

Chris Jericho makes his way out first.  He’s the captain of Team SmackDown this Sunday at Bragging Rights, and this past Monday on RAW, they tried to ambush Shawn Michaels, but Team RAW arrived to deny them the opportunity.  Jericho says that his legendary status will be further cemented when he becomes known as the mastermind who led team SmackDown to a crushing victory over team RAW this Sunday.  He wins whenever he wrestles, his greatness is omnipotent.  In order to shut up DX, he needs to tweak his team a little.  He needs to know that the men on his team are worthy to stand in the same ring as Chris Jericho.  They’ll prove their dominance at Bragging Rights, just as he and Kane will prove their dominance against Batista and Mysterio tonight.

Yo yo yo yo yo, it’s Cryme Tyme!

JTG shows up without Shad, and Jericho asks if he’s in jail.  JTG says he’s got the flu.  Jericho says that being on the same team as JTG makes him sick.  Does JTG know what an honor it is to be in the same ring as Chris Jericho?

EXCUSE ME!

Vickie Guerrero, the official consultant for Team SmackDown, would like to welcome the future of SmackDown, her new boyfriend, Eric Escobar.  Escobar’s heard a lot of talk from DX saying they don’t know who he is.  Neither does the WWE  Universe, apparently, because they’re chanting “who are you?”  He says that after he leads the team to victory, DX will never forget the name Eric Escobar

I am perfection!

Dolph Ziggler says that if anybody is going to be responsible for this team winning at Bragging Rights, it’s Dolph Ziggler, and he’s not going to let any of them screw it up for him.  JTG asks what he knows about winning, when he lost four Intercontinental Title shots in a row, and then lost Maria.  Talking about screwing up?  His name should be Dolph Loser.   Drew McIntyre makes his way out and says that Jericho has an ace up his sleeve with McIntyre on the team.  Hand picked and personally signed by Mr. McMahon himself.  He says he should’ve been named captain.

KABOOM!

Kane comes to the ring, and he says that none of these guys are worthy to fight alongside Kane.  Jericho steps in and says “or me!”  Kane advised Jericho that, since they’ll be busy with Batista and Mysterio tonight, the other four of them should be busy too.  After all, they want to be on the team, don’t they?  Jericho says that since one of them called in sick, they’re stuck in a four on five tag match tonight, and if they lose, they’ll be replaced by the five men who beat them tonight.  That way we’ll see if you have what it takes to be in the same ring as Chris Jericho and Kane.  By the way, that match is NEXT!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Matt Hardy is on his way to the ring when we come back, joining a few other superstars in the ring.  R-Truth is out next, rapping and dancing as usual, much to the chagrin of Drew McIntyre.  Already in the ring for the team are David Hart Smith, Tyson Kidd, and Finlay.

Matt Hardy, The Hart Dynasty, R-Truth, and Finlay def. Eric Escobar, Drew McIntyre, JTG, and Dolph Ziggler

There’s a new mandate here on BoredWrestlingFan.  Anybody who reviews a Matt Hardy match MUST comment on how fat he looks in tights, until he either loses weight or switches back to pants.  You know what, I figured it out.  It’s not that the tights look bad on him, it’s the fact he wears boots that are the exact same color as his tights and he looks like he’s wearing footy pajamas.  It’s distracting – I can’t even really call the match.  In the end, it’s Finlay with the shillelagh shot to JTG’s leg and a Twist of Fate from Fatt Hardy for the victory.

So now it’s Chris Jericho, Kane, Matt Hardy, Finlay, R-Truth, and the Hart Dynasty taking on DX, Cody Rhodes, Jack Swagger, Mark Henry, The Big Show, and Kofi Kingston.

CM Punk is telling Scott Armstrong that he doesn’t seem to understand the severity of the situation.  He says that Armstrong is being selfish.  It’s not about him or his family’s legacy, it’s all about CM Punk.  Teddy Long says he’s still on probation and could lose his job over this, and worse, he could lose his life if he’s not careful.  Punk wants to know why they understood what was going on in Montreal, but now they’re second guessing themselves.  Armstrong says that a man is nothing without his good name.  He says that Punk can find someone else to do his dirty work.  Mr. McMahon comes in and says “we need to talk.”

John Morrison is backstage, walking.  Guess that means he’s in action, NEXT!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Later on, it’s Jericho & Kane vs. Mysterio & Batista

Intercontinental Champion John Morrison and his cool slo-mo entrance are here for action.  Sunday he’ll be facing the United States Champion, The Miz.  The Miz beat Marty Jannetty on Monday with the Skull Crushing Finale.  Morrison’s opponent tonight is far from Marty Jannetty.  He’s Mike Knox, and earlier today, he said that blunt abdominal trauma is the worst pain a human body can experience, and then went on to explain why.

John Morrison def. Mike Knox

You know, Mike Knox doesn’t get enough credit.  I’m a huge fan of his, and I love the medical genius gimmick.  Morrison is very impressive as well, and in this matchup he uses his finesse and quickness to keep control.  Even after a huge boot to Morrison’s face, his quickness allows him to regain control in mere moments, and hit the Starship Pain for the win.

Morrison takes the microphone and says that This Sunday he faces The Miz.  While The Miz is busy trying to prove that he’s Shawn Michaels, or that he’s not Marty Jannetty, Morrison knows who he is – the Friday Night Delight, John Morrison.

Still to come, a submission match for the World Heavyweight Championship!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Backstage, the new Team SmackDown are celebrating when Chris Jericho and Kane come to congratulate them.  They expect the team to follow their lead.  R-Truth says to save the Patton speech.  They may not like him, but they respect him.  The all agree that they’re on the same page, they’re going to prove that their the superior brand this Sunday.  Jericho says he wants them to watch he and Kane destroy Mysterio and Batista the same way they’ll destroy Team RAW on Sunday.

Mickie James is hanging out with Mae Young.  Michelle McCool comes in and says it’s nice to see Mae, but not so much Mickie.  Michelle says it’s a shame Mickie didn’t make the SmackDown Divas team at Bragging Rights, but Beth Phoenix and Natalya are so much more talented than her (ThinkSoJoE Note:  IT’S A SHOOT!).  Mickie tells Michelle to keep telling herself that.  The fact is that Michelle is scared because she knows Mickie is her biggest threat and that she’ll take that Women’s Championship from her.  Beth Phoenix comes in and compliments Mae and tells Michelle that she’s thrilled to be a part of Team SmackDown at Bragging Rights, but reminds her that she shouldn’t plan on holding the title very long.  She’ll see her Sunday.  Mae says “she told you!”  Michelle tells her to shut up, and gets slapped across the face for her trouble.

Last week on SmackDown, Mysterio stole a victory – literally – from Batista.  Batista says his shoulder was up.  Rey says all he knows is the referee counted three.  Anyways, Mysterio and his family checked out the new Batista DVD over the weekend.  He says he learned a lot about his friend that he didn’t know before.  Batista says he wishes they put him winning the title at Bragging Rights on there.  Mysterio says that’s gonna be hard, because he’s going to win the title on Sunday night.  They’re in action, NEXT!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Booyakah Booyakah – whatever that means.  Rey Mysterio makes his way out for tag team action.  Batista follows soon after.  Jericho is out first for his team, followed by Kane, and we’re set for tag team action.

Rey Mysterio & Batista def. Chris Jericho & Kane

The story through this one is Mysterio being cut off from Batista and dominated by Jericho and Kane.  When Mysterio finally gets the tag, Batista explodes on Kane.  He drops him with a spinebuster and goes for a Batista Bomb when Jericho breaks it up.  Kane slams Batista shoulder first into the steel ringpost, but Mysterio stops him from going for the chokeslam – only to take on himself.  Batista uses the distraction to hit a spear on Kane and pick up the victory.

Mr. McMahon says he’s excited for tonight’s championship match.  He’s proud of Punks accomplishments so far.  He says that Long earns a gold star for making this match tonight.  He tells Armstrong to be an impartial referee.  Mr. McMahon smells change in the air.  He says what starts here ends at WrestleMania sometimes.  He talks about Fan Axxess and the Hall of Fame.  He tells Scott Armstrong that his dad, Bullet Bob is quite a guy, and could be a candidate for the Hall of Fame.  McMahon tells him to keep that thought tonight during the championship match.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Mickie James makes her way out for Diva’s action.  Her opponent tonight is Layla.

Mickie James vs. Layla

In a less than impressive match, Mickie James picked up the victory with the Mick Kick.

Video Package: Rest In Peace, Captain Lou.  We’ll miss you.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Video Package: John Cena vs. Randy Orton

CM Punk, Teddy Long, and Scott Armstrong make their way out to the stage.  Punk says that he feels unstoppable knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt that he can physically dissect and beat down everybody sitting in it.   He can reduce everybody sitting at home to tears in the blink of an eye.  But it doesn’t add up to how unstoppable he feels knowing that in a few moments he’s going to make The Undertaker tap out for the second time.  He knows it’s hard for us to deal with.  Punk says his bragging rights start right here tonight when he once again becomes our Straight Edge World Champion, and there’s not a thing any of us can do about it.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

CM Punk is already in the ring and he’s introduced by Tony Chimel.  The bell tolls and The Undertaker makes his entrance, and we’re set for our SmackDown main event!

The Undertaker def. CM Punk

The story of this one is Punk trying to lock in submissions as quickly as possible, but The Undertaker escaping before Punk can lock them in, knowing that if he gets caught in a hold, Armstrong could possibly ring the bell, screwing him again like he did at Breaking Point.  Frustrated by the conspiracy, Undertaker chokeslams referee Scott Armstrong.  Teddy Long starts to head up the ramp, and Punk catches ‘Taker with a few chairshots.  He asks Long to get him another referee and slaps on the Anaconda Vise.  Long starts yelling for the bell, but apparently only a referee can do that..  When another referee gets to the ring, Undertaker reverses the Anaconda Vise into the Hell’s Gate for the tapout victory.

The Undertaker glares across the arena at Punk as we’re set for this Sunday Night at Bragging Rights.

That’s it for me, folks.  I’ll see you later on as I host the BWF Bragging Rights Roundtable!