RYTMANS’ RAW RECAP4 Comments
We open with the annual Memorial Day tribute montage to our armed forces, asking us to reflect on all we owe them.
(Does that include health care and financial aid?)
Our “prologue” if you will, is a recap of everything you know by now if you watch WWE programs. Show double-crossed Cena at Over the Limit because no one felt sorry for him when he was humiliated and fired.
Back in present time, the Big Show comes out in the Big Suit. He points to the smile on his face and says that’s doing his job. All those times he came out and made us smile was just business. Now that he has an iron clad contract and a huge bonus, he doesn’t have to care about anybody but himself. He claims there’s no one in his league;
“No helmet, shoulder pad, 4 month out of the year, NFL player, no toothpick, noodle arm, NBA player, no Phony UFC fighter, and no one, in that locker room.”
Show claims what really upset him was how easily we moved on without him. Here we cut to a clip of Brodus Clay dancing with the ladies and kids.
“MY TEARS WEREN’T EVEN DRY!” – Big Show.
Apparently, we’re all shallow and phony to him, but the biggest disappointment was Cena not leading a mutiny in support of Big Show, how instead, he chose to mock Johnny Ace, and act like everything was a joke.
“I guess that’s all I am; one big joke.” – Big Show.
Show gives us a rundown of Cenas’ recent failures including the loss to Rock, the beating from Brock, and the loss to Johnny Ace, and promises to do all that and more to him at No Way Out.
“And that put’s a Smile on my Face.” – Big Show.
Punk vs. Bryan is announced while we watch Santino Morella get warmed up for his match with Alberto Del Rio.
REWIND: LAST FRI, SMACKDOWN – Santino def. Ricardo Rodriguez.
We come back to the action with Alberto Del Rio driving in one of his expensive cars as RR introduces him, while Santino “power walks” to the ring.
Alberto Del Rio vs. U.S. heavyweight champion Santino Morella
Del Rio Charges before the bell.
Beats down Santino w/kicks to the legs and punches to the head.
Front face lock by Del Rio as he takes him to the corner.
Del Rio misses a charge into the corner.
Santino w/a hip toss/diving head butt combo.
Santino goes for the COBRA!
Del Rio w/a kick to the torso, front face lock, float over into the cross arm-breaker.
Santino taps out.
WINNER; ALBERTO DEL RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIO!
Rodriguez makes a point of shouting right in the face of Santino and rubbing it in.
Backstage: We see Eve close up. Alex Riley is with her, trying to sweet talk her into something when Big Show walks in. Eve informs Show that Johnny Ace has authorized him to pick his own opponent for tonight and leaves. Riley tries to make nice with the Show which results in Show sending a message to the whole locker room, by slamming Riley into the wall.
Shot of Bourbon Street
Up next is a WWE TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH!
Champs Kofi Kingston/R-Truth are out first.
Vicki Guerrero comes out and starts with the “EXCUSE ME!” bit.
Crowd shot: Sign -“There’s no excuse for you Vicki!”
Vicki introduces Jack Swagger an Dolph Ziggler.
Tag Team Title Match: R-Truth/Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger
Swagger/Kofi each go in first.
Collar-elbow lock up, into the corner.
Swagger misses a charge.
Kofi w/2 shots to the legs and a dropkick.
Tag to R-Truth.
There is a Double hip toss on Swagger.
Truth w/a dance and a leg drop for a two count.
Swagger whips Truth into the ropes.
Truth hits the breaks and gives a shimmy.
Swagger over and out to the floor.
Ziggler runs in.
Kick by Kofi connects with Ziggler.
Double wrist lock/jumping snap kick to Ziggler.
Double baseball slide kick sends Ziggler to the floor.
Back from commercial.
Swagger with a double arm hook on Kofi.
Recap: During commercial, Ziggler distracts Kofi, Swagger hits a shoulder block, and Kofi hits the floor.
Kofi fights off a double teaming, but is sent hard, back into the corner.
Swagger w/shoulder blocks.
Ziggler starts choking Kofi w/tag rope.
Swagger w/a body slam to Kofi and tags Ziggler.
Ziggler drops an elbow and gets 2 w/sloppy cover.
Chin lock/arm bar on Kofi by Ziggler.
Both men up.
Kofi gets two hits.
Ziggler kicks him into the corner, misses a charge.
Ziggler gets a tag.
Kofi makes a tag.
R-truth hits Swagger with flying thrust kick, boot to the stomach, DDT for a 2 count.
Ziggler makes the save.
Truth launches Kofi up/over/into Swagger.
Swagger tries a roll-up, for a 2 count.
Swagger hoist Truth up, charges the corner.
Truth slips behind.
Swagger hits the corner.
Truth jumps up, grabs his head, and pulls him face first to the canvas.
Truth scores the 3 count.
WINNERS/STILL CHAMPIONS: R-TRUTH/KOFI KINGSTON
Ziggler is not happy.
He tells off Vicki and Swagger and bolts.
Backstage: Santino is walking hurt with some help when Show rolls up on him and grabs his face. He teases calling out Santino as his opponent when Brodus Clay steps up and dares Show to pick him. Show agrees.
“Forget about dancing. You won’t even be walking.” – Big Show.
Did you know? WWE’s “Be a Star” Campaign made it into the records in congress.
Johnny Laurenitis Larinitis Meningitis Ace, GM of both RAW and SMACKDOWN rolls out in his motorized wheelchair with David Otunga and Eve Torres in tow. He introduces himself and announces he will now make several announcements. Big Show will face Brodus Clay tonight, and at No Way Out, Cena vs. Big Show is now a CAGE MATCH. Johnny claims to be “the most popular WWE superstar in history,” and talks about people wanting HIM on the cover of the new WWE 12 video game. John pulls the cover off an easel to reveal his face beaming off the cover of the game box.
“This Will Be Bigger Than Pac Man!” – Johnny Ace.
We hit the song “Cult of Personality,” and here comes the WWE champion, C.M. Punk. Punk hits the ring, and alls out Johnny on his bull-shinola.
“Neither Pac Man nor you have ANY testicles whatsoever.” – C.M. Punk.
Punk basically calls the formerly Dynamic Dude out of touch and reveals the TRUE face of WWE ’12. We hit the fireworks and drop the canvas. C.M. Punk stands cross armed, straight edged, and ready to fight on the cover of the new game.
“Take the hoeski and Carlton and get outta my ring.” – C.M. Punk.
Johnny, not wanting to incur the wrath of the B.O.D. ; simply limps out the ring with underlings in tow, while Punk trashes Johnny’s picture.
Punk v. Bryan next
Crowd Sign: YES!
We come back with Punk in the ring and Bryan making the big entrance, while the announcers –Cole and King- bring up the recent unpleasantness with Kane and some folding chairs.
Recap: Bryan attacking Kane w/Chair last Smackdown.
WWE Champion C.M. Punk vs. Daniel Bryan
Bryan w/the wristlock into a side headlock, both men back into the ropes.
Bryan hits a shoulder block off the ropes.
Bryan shoots off the ropes, over Punk.
Punk leapfrogs Bryan.
Hip toss, arm drag, Punk w/the arm bar.
Bryan gets up on his feet.
Punk puts a wristlock on Bryan.
Bryan rolls over/benches up, hooks Punk at the waist, takes him over with a suplex variation, into the arm bar.
Bryan bends Punk’s hand backwards, presses it to the mat, stomps the elbow, and locks in a hammerlock.
Punk elbows free, shoots off the ropes.
Bryan goes down.
Punk goes over.
Bryan jumps up.
Punk catches him, hits a reverse atomic drop, and a kick to the torso.
Punk drops the knee five times and leg scissors Bryan.
Punk ties up Bryans’ legs and gets him into the surfboard.
Bryan rolls out, lands on Punk, 2 count.
Punk sweeps the legs, gets a 2 count.
Bryan hooks the legs, flips on top, and gets a 2 count.
Punk bridges up. Both men struggle for a back slide. Punk hoist Bryan up on his shoulder and drops him back first into the knee for a 2 count.
Punk hooks Bryan into suplex position but drops him on the top rope.
Punk moves in, Bryan grabs the arm and drops down, pulling the arm across the rope.
Bryan hits a flying knee off the top rope and slide kicks Punk to the floor.
Bryan dives, Punk side steps and hits a kick to the mid section.
Punk hits a moonsault off the ropes onto Bryan.
AJ comes to ringside.
We return w/Punk putting the boots to Bryan in the corner.
Replay: Bryan hits a flying knee on the outside.
Punk tries a suplex, Bryan slips out, whips into the corner, reversal. Bryan climbs the corner and flips over Punk, runs into Punks’ boot. Punk misses a moonsault and lands hard.
Bryan hits with a running charge/low dropkick, and works Punks’ arm.
Punk fights back w/kicks, but Bryan hooks a wristlock and pulls the arm hard across his shoulder.
Bryan goes “YES!” 3 times and scores a running dropkick into the corner, 2 count only.
Punk hits some kicks but Bryan hooks the arm and takes Punk up/over w/a suplex for a 2 count.
Bryan goes back on the arm.
Punk gets 2 hits. Bryan works the arm again but runs into a knee by Punk.
Punk hits a charging forearm, shoots Bryan into the ropes. He hits a jump-thrust kick for a two count.
Punk scores a running knee lift in the corner, but Bryan shrugs off the bulldog attempt.
Bryan misses a kick. Punk gets 2 w/a roll up.
Forearm twice by Bryan, reversed Irish whip, Punk up/over to the ring apron, shoulder block by Punk and a clothesline from the top rope for 2.
Punk tries a flying elbow, but Bryan hits the rope and Punk drops crotch-first on the corner.
Superplex by Bryan gets 2.
Bryan heads to the corner and unties a turnbuckle.
AJ gets up on the ring and tries to tell the ref.
Bryan shouts at her, Punk scores a kick to the head for 2.
Punk yells at AJ, charges Bryan, Bryan hoists him up, face-first into the exposed corner for a 3-count.
Bryan celebrates until Kane attacks him w/a chair. He choke slams Bryan out.
AJ throws Punk a chair, Punk fights off Kane.
WINNER: DANIEL BRYAN. (YES! YES! YES!)
Backstage-Eve sends Teddy for some coffee while Johnny Ace berates her and Otunga. He points out that Otunga taped out in 10 seconds to the STF, while Johnny took two at the last ppv. He berates Eve for not getting Sheamus to apologize to him. He threatens to stay on the job another 20 years and Eve spits her coffee on Teddy. That’s more of my attention than it deserves.
I-C Champion Christian vs. Miz (surprise!)
Miz w/a knee, gets a side headlock.
Christian shoots him off the ropes.
Christian ducks down.
Miz goes over.
Christian w/a flying shoulder block.
Christian w/a boot to the mid-section, sunset flip off the top rope.
Miz rolls out and hits a kick to the face for a 2.
Miz takes Christian face first into the corner. He beats him down w/a knee and punching.
Miz walks back, and hits a charging leap clothesline.
Miz scores a double ax-handle for a 2 count.
Chin lock by Miz.
Christian fights out, but Miz scores his reverse face lock, knee drop, neck breaker combo for 2.
Miz drops down on Christians’ back and works a chin lock.
Christian fights his way to his feet, Miz takes him to the corner. Miz hits 2 shoulder blocks and sets Christian up on the corner. Christian fights him back and scores a missle drop kick for 2.
Christian springs over the top rope, hits a shot to face on Miz.
Christian climbs the corner, hops over Miz and scores a reverse DDT.
Christian tries a spear, but eats a boot to the face, Miz gets 2.
Miz wails on Christian in the corner, Christian hits a double kick to the face, and a flying elbow from the top rope.
Christian gets distracted by Cody Rhodes, Miz gets 2 w/a roll up.
Christian goes to the corner and hits a kick to the midsection. He hops up on the corner ropes but Miz grabs an ankle and pulls.
Christian hits the mat face first.
Miz tries for the “Skull Crushing Finale,” Christian reverses it into a “Killswitch” attempt, but Miz shoves him into the corner.
Miz misses a charge and hits the corner. Christian hits the Killswitch and gets the 3.
We’re back, and Miz is peeved about not being treated like a star. He’s not leaving the ring until…
Cue Randy Orton.
Orton hits the RKO and basks in the cheers.
Backstage: Dolph thinks he should be getting cheers like Orton. He wants out of his tag team with Ziggler. Vicky will see what she can do.
Next: Sheamus v. Otunga.
Before the next break, we get a special Memorial Day voice over message from John Cena. It’s basically an elaborate “thank you,” to our Armed Forces for their service. I agree with the sentiment, I just think it’s a little bit pandering to have Cena be the only one to do it.
We come back to David Otunga making his entrance to a round of boos. Sheamus comes out next.
World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus vs. David Otunga
Otunga charges in strong w/kicks and punches, but Sheamus fires back.
Sheamus tries a whip, Otunga reverses it, but a hip-toss attempt is met w/ a clothesline.
Otunga rolls out.
Sheamus goes after Otunga. Otunga pulls Sheamus neck first into the rope.
Otunga charges, Sheamus scoops him up into a slam attempt.
Otunga slides down, and sends Sheamus into the corner. Otunga hits a solid clothesline for a 1 count.
Otunga hooks the head and peppers Sheamus on the chest with clubbing shots.
Otunga shoots off the ropes and hits a low shoulder block. Otunga makes 3 pin attempts in a row, but never gets more than 2.
Otunga takes Sheamus to the corner and works him over w/knees and clubbing forearms. He flexes for the crowd.
Otunga whips Sheamus into the corner, Sheamus bounces back with an axe-handle smash, then another. He sends Otunga over the top rope, Otunga hangs on. Sheamus clubs his chest with forearm shots. He pulls Otunga in and hits the “white noise.”
Sheamus ends this with the “Brogue kick” and a 3 count.
Crowd Shot: Kid rocking The Sheamus look.
FUNKASAURUS up next
Commercial: ECW Unreleased, vol.1
Madagascar 3 – interest 0
Recap: Over The Limit – Big Show’s betrayal, and subsequent sucker punch on Cena.
We have the intro –you know the drill.
Funkasaurs, Funkateers, Funka-dactyls, and I go Funk myself.
The announcers remind us Brodus is 22 and 0 so far in his run.
Big Show comes out. He claims to be a fan, and compares embarrassing things he’s done (sumo match at mania in a diaper,) to Brodus doing embarrassing things every night. He suggests Brodus get some make-up/a wig and be the new Doink.
“The Difference btw you and Doink, Doink actually had talent.” – Big Show.
Brodus dares Show to step up. Show responds with a spear that shakes the arena (or at least a cameraman.) And from that point on, it’s pretty much a mugging. The Funkasaurs is bitchified all over the arena floor while his backup dancers stand scared in the ring. Kofi and R-Truth run out to try a save, but Show tosses Kofi into R-Truth and resumes the battering with a piece of the announcers table. Show brutalizes Truth. Kofi gets a big kick in, but gets sent through the Barricade. Truth gets sent to the stairs. WMD to Clay and Show leaves 3 men down.
Raw ends with Johnny Ace raising the Show’s hand, up on the stage.
RYTMANS’ RESPONSE: Ya know, at this point, I like it when a show goes on autopilot like this. We get more actual wrestling, and interview segments that actually go somewhere (for the most part.) However, right now, I’d like to address all the people who were complaining that WWE wasn’t giving the Punk/Bryan program enough attention.
ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!? WE GOT KANE AND AJ BOTH SHOVED INTO THIS! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WWE PAYS ATTENTION TO SOMETHING WE LIKE! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!?
For the record, I can’t hate on Kane or AJ, and I’m good with them making a check. I just don’t know why we have to pile on sub-plots to a story we’re happy with.
Show was awesome tonight, and actually got the crowd chanting big for Cena. Show makes an awesome monster heel, mainly because he‘s got charisma and personality peppered into his rage.
Side Note: I’m actually wondering if any of that stuff he said about being treated like a joke was a shoot.
Side-Side Note: BOD = Board of Directors
So, there’s my first ever official RAW recap. Hope you like it.