Tag Archive: Innuendo

  1. Sacrifice or the three hour TNA Impact show

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    No disrespect to the fans with the title. I’m a fan myself but this show with all this innuendo of changes lacked any. The ring and outside arena still had TNA posted everywhere with a hue of blue and added rows of seats which another reviewer on TNAsylum pointed out. Was that the change? I doubt it. But here’s to Thursday on finding out.  Well lets get into what TNA Impact Wrestling is all about. Impact Wrestling presents Sacrifice.

    Mexican America vs Ink Inc.

    I wasn’t expecting much from this match. I mean Anarquia has shown a total disregard to impress and Hernandez just doesn’t seem to care anymore. But then you have Jesse Neal and his infectious energy makes me smile. Oh and Shannon Moore and his book make me shake my head.  But then seeing as how Moore had one of the best spots of the evening. Sailing off the ring onto Hernandez with a moonsault. The match was sub par besides with predictable interference by Rosita and Sarita. And a botched over the top rope clothesline by Moore on Anarquia. Shockingly due to a miscommunication involving Moore attempting to hit Rosita and Neal objecting.  Hernandez was able to hit his modified border toss on Neal giving the win to Mex America.  Why was I shocked? Ink Inc is the number one contender for the tag titles  leading into Slammiversary. I’m adamant that Christina Von Eerie should be there as well but that is probably wishful thinking. So naturally, Ink Inc getting the win would make them look strong going in.  But we still have 3 weeks to make amends.

    Hopefully with it now being iMPACT Wrestling we can stop having Promos in our PPV’s. We get one here as Jeff and Karen come out to announce that they can not compete in the mixed tag match. Foley comes out again the announcement “wrestling matters” is uttered. He tells the Jarretts that the next time they bring X rays make sure it doesn’t belong to a 6’6 African American male. Karen shrieks throws off boot in a temper tantrum leading to Mick exiting. Match on. The crowd is amp to have Chyna.

    Brian Kendrick…shoots a promo on the X Division. I wish I knew what he was saying since he is all mystical and what not. All I caught was the word molested. I don’t now in what context. But it was said. To sum up he just promises to show how important the X division is.

    Brian Kendrick vs Robbie E w/ Cookie.

    Robbie comes out as Cookie walks out messing with he phone/camera? Anyway the crowd seems to be nonchalant. Mr. Gym Tan Wrestling, fist pumps for Cookie while she takes a picture. Again the crowd could care less. Kendrick steps out in his white robe to a good crowd pop. Kendrick 1, Robbie 0. Once in he puts on his gimmick meditating dead center in the ring. Cookie, trying to win a screeching contest against Karen shouts that “you’re a freak!” As Robbie holds her back. Exit Cookie. And we have Kendrick alive and booting E in the face. Kendrick 2, Robbie 0. Then the junior banshee interferes. Distracted Robbie takes control beating Kendrick ragged even getting him outside of the ring. Where Cook’s proceeds to choke him with her boot. Robbie setting up for his signature neck-breaker (god forbid I have no idea what’s its called. And I refuse to call it “Rude Awakening” in fear that Rick would haunt me) Reversed. Kendrick beats Rob with a dropkick into a pin. Huh?! I knew he sucked but really. Kendrick acts all crazy holding Earl Hebner’s hand. He even weirds out Rob when he tries to shake his hand. Your winner: Kendrick.

    Promo time again folks. But this time its hot cougarish Tara. Trust me I’ve seen this woman without make-up Vickie has nothing on her. Tara’s unhappy with Madison. The bossiness and in general being a lackey. Then Madison appears to remind Tara about how she has a job because of her. Folks I won’t lie when she came on all that kept going through my mind was “Why is she here?” “She should of stayed in a shimmer tag team” and my favorite thought “God, please severe her vocal cords. please I’ll go to church,eventually”. Time for the match.

    Mickie James (c) vs Madison Rayne (With Tara’s freedom on the line)

    Here comes the Queen Bee (seriously she has a sash with the title) and the gaudiest oversized crown I’ve ever seen. That better be from the dollar general. In full royal mode, the crowd is dead. Canned heat where are you? In the words of another TNA watcher, The Rayne Experiment has failed. No one and I do mean no one cared when she came out. Then Mickie came out. The roof exploded. She could do no wrong. I seriously believe that she could of killed a puppy and folks would still cheer for her. Lets get ready to… Tara’s theme music hits. The crowd breaks into further excitement. Again the Rayne Experiment elicits no response. A faceoff between Rayne and Tara distracts long enough for Mickie to get on the offensive. Tara seems conflicted. Should she hit Mickie. Only a minute in and I’m already sensing an overbook coming on.

    To break it down simply this match is a TNA haters dream. Overbooking. check. horrible in ring competitor. check. A last minute reintroduction of the loaded glove. check. Tara makes the save for Mickie after 2!! Ref bumps. Tara finally makes the decision to cold cock Rayne with the loaded glove letting Mickie get the 3count. Crap match over.

    Sorry about that but I was a big fan of the Knock out division. In 2009. This was a bad match indeed. But it will get better in the future, right? No.  Chances are we will see Velvet Sky vs Mickie for the title. At least she’s over?!

    Fortune promo. Line remembered. Kaz- Max Buck you wouldn’t be a star even if thrown by a ninja.  Or something to that effect. Other smack talk by Beer Money and AJ. Next.

    Max Buck vs Kazarian(c)

    Good mat wrestling. (I swore when this was going on someone yelled “boring”) Buck plays the egotistical heel to perfection. Slapping and name calling. Some really cool spots with a over the ropes leg drop. Buck reversed 3 fade to blacks by Kaz. Kaz follows up with a powerbomb to the outside. Buck comes in with a top rope cutter and a 450 degree splash for a two count. Kaz goes old school (shout out to Allison Danger) and beats Buck with a shining wizard. Good. Now if only it was hyped.

    Promo. A 6’6 360lb homeless man talks about pain and breaking a undefeated streak. Then I realize that its Abyss. Next up its TNA’s John Cena taking on Crimson.

    With Crimson’s imaginary 5 month winning streak on the line (I now I’m being harsh but times have changed from Samoa Joe) he takes on Abyss strong only slowing down when he spears a turnbuckle. After that the Cena of TNA controls the majority of the match. Crimson resumes control with one double clothesline and a seven count. Abyss reverses with a chokeslam. then comes Janice. Crimson spears Abyss, Abyss loses Janice. Crimson goes to the well once too often and is big booted. Abyss pulls out a Vader Bomb from the corner. 2 count. Crimson hits Cena with the Red Sky Powerbomb (D’lo Brown’s Sky High) keeping his streak intact. After some posturing Abyss goes back to lick his wounds. Now please can we have Joe vs Crimson now?

    Promo. Its like deja vu.  No. Its a vignette. Beer Money vs Hardy/Harris

    I’ll keep it short. Harris plays a heel and won’t fight Storm one on one. He’ll only sneak attack. So no big showdown between the two. Which would of made sense. Remember 2006 when the team of AMW split? Storm was the one who attacked Harris. Almost taking out an eye. Leading to that hilarious blindfold match. Well now its Harris’ turn to play heel as he and Matt lose after Beer Money hits Harris with the AMW finisher Death Sentence. Mind Games no avail. Next.

    Oh its Bully Ray being interviewed by Jeremy Borash. And he is being a bully threatening to beat on Borash and making lewd comments about AJ’s wife. I hope she isn’t watching. So we will see Ray vs Styles? Nope.

    Dreamer vs Styles

    Lets keep it real short. Ray interferes in this No DQ bout this sets Styles up for a piledriver on a table. Dreamer wins. Next.

    Another vignette. Not complaining as long as its not a promo.

    The Jarret’s vs Angle/Chyna

    Kurt is an undiscovered comedian. His smirk during the entire match was classic. It brought back memories of the axe wielding incident at the wedding. Chyna is over big time. Fans are chanting for her to kick Karen’s butt. After a good back and forth between Jarret and Angle, Chyna is finally tagged in. The fans erupt. false alarm. Jarret stays in the ring and continues the fight with Kurt. Angle goes for his exploding triple Germans then an Angle slam. 2count. Chyna comes in and body slams then vertical suplexe’s Jarret. Eventually chasing Karen back into the ring Chyna splashes Karen in the corner. Karen dazed is hit with the double under hook DDT. (pedigree for wwe fans). Chyna locks in the ankle lock followed by Kurt on Jarret. Karen taps. Angle/Chyna victorious.

    Main Event Vignette.-Then Anderson comes out to blog and commentate.

    RVD vs Sting

    The match is decent. Rob shows off. Sting pulls out some moves. They fight in the crowd. RVD pulls an impressive cross body onto Sting from the second stands. Sting blocks Rolling Thunder. A Stinger Splash is countered by a spin kick. One botched deathdrop then a rinse and repeat Deathdrop closes the match with the win for Sting. Afterwards Anderson has a stare down with Sting. Slammiversary IX promo

    And that is the end of Sacrifice. Wasn’t great but I didn’t pay for it so decent. Here’s hoping for the iMPACT arena changes come Thursday.

     

     

     

     

  2. Retro Post – Toys! Toys! Toys!

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    Here’s another installment of “Retro” articles by yours truly. This one is a particular favourite of mine as the memories of sitting in my room as a small boy it helps conjour up give me that warm and fuzzy feeling. No, not THAT warm and fuzzy feeling. That one didn’t start happening until I was well into my teens.. With that horrible, vomit-inducing piece of innuendo firmly out of the way – I hope you enjoy!

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    I can still recall it like it was yesterday; being in one of my childhood friends rooms on a regular visit to borrow one from his seemingly vast library of wrestling videotapes. There I was, standing talking to a guy who probably no longer likes pro wrestling yet to me, was the coolest guy in town. In reality, this kid was one hell of a spoiled brat. The kind of wee boy who could break one of his wrestling figures and by later on that afternoon? Why there was a shining new “Macho King” Randy Savage complete with robe and scepter just waiting in it’s box, freshly purchased from the Woolworth’s store down town. Even as a kid, I can remember thinking this dude was a total bitch. Yes I said it. Sure, he was my friend but growing up I always learned to appreciate what you have and here he was willingly breaking things just so his mum would go buy him another. To prove he damn well could get away with it.

    My family weren’t exactly poor but I’d like to think and, actually, know my mother or father would never replace a toy I broke on purpose. Infact, I’d like to think that THEY would know that it’s just something I would never do. This grown-up geek still has all his wrestling figurines in his cupboards. Sure, they might not be in pristine condition (they were played with pretty extensively afterall) but they’re not exactly laying around in bits and pieces either. Someday I know I’ll get a heavy heart when I thumb through them all again, having memories from a very happy childhood come flooding back to me. Memories which I hope other kids from the newer generations will be able to appreciate. We didn’t always have yearly editions of “WWE Smackdown vs. RAW” to play with you know!

    The amount of hours I must have spent in the hallway or locked away in my room, listening to rock music mix tapes my dad had made for me on my kick-ass “Goodman” stereo must have been in the hundreds. Bands such as Black Sabbath, Deep Purple, Led Zeppelin, AC/DC and The Beatles pounded out of that tape deck like it was the 1970’s and I had a bowl cut. More often than not, I’d grab the remote control meant for the CD-capable stereo and mime along to most of the tracks. Either that or play air guitar, although it likely looked like I was demented rather than riffing like a rock god. More often than not, while all this musical madness was taking place – shaking the walls of our bungalow – I’d be sat smack BANG in the middle of the floor. Literally surrounded by figures I would play out matches, angles (although I just called them “interviews” at the time) and sometimes entire cards with these figures. All the action would take place in my pride and joy; a 1993 World Wrestling Federation Official Toy Ring Playset. Boy that was some Christmas day, receiving that gift. For a budding wrassle’ nerd like myself, it was just so good unwrapping not only the ring but figure sets of “The Legion of Doom”, “Hulk Hogan”, “Randy Savage” and…”THE BIKER MICE FROM MARS”!? Now wait a minute. Oh you’re damn right! My mother knew what the hell I was all about. Why confine my wrestling fantasies to just WWF wrestlers!? This was MY imagination we’re talking about here. The very same imagination which has allowed me to create and play out entire 3-hour long “Pay-Per-View” events on various wrestling video games no less.

    Basically, if I wanted popular cartoon characters of the day in the “Royal Rumble”, I’d bloody well have them in that 30-man over the top rope extravaganza. There were no limits to where I’d go with that one. Often-times, my poor sisters own “Barbie” dolls weren’t even safe – doomed to play ringside valets for the various “wrestlers”. Now I do admit, it probably looked a little weird that a seemingly 24-foot female doll was accompanying an apparently dwarfed “He-Man” down the aisle but that took place more than once. I even used one of my “Action Man” dolls one time as a surprise entrant into the Rumble, playing the role of that giant killing machine who just simply could not be eliminated by only one man. He’d annihilate almost everybody inside the ring (he barely fit in the by god thing to begin with..) before eventually succumbing to that old chestnut – the “jeez, we better team up on this guy babyface or heel!” cliché. Yes, even at a very young age I was using stereotypical wrestling booking 101 in my staged battles with dolls.

    One time, I even went so far as to have customised entrance themes for the wrestlers. Initially, I would simply hum or sing the songs myself while simultaneously barking out the ring introductions and providing commentary too. This always proved a lot of un-necessary effort however so there was only one thing for it, use those trusty mix tapes! I do admit it was probably the biggest pain in the Giant Gonzalez (ass) to have to fast forward to another song for another wrestler but I had so much fun with all of this that you just would not believe, even going so far as to call my mother, father or sister into the room whilst replaying certain unbelievably spots or moves which had taken place during matches. My family must have thought their little Jamie was slightly bonkers but…nah, no buts. They clearly did. (And probably still do when they hear me singing along to entrance music when watching RAW!)

    Having just read over all of that mish-mash of Kennedy childhood, I’ll be very surprised if James Guttman himself doesn’t email me, with the message subject being “Mental health”. If you have survived to this text, you deserve a 1993 World Wrestling Federation Official Toy Ring Playset all of your own. The main point I’m trying to make and I guess, find out is if kids nowadays still use wrestling figurines or are they all playing with the best Traxxas RC trucks. The amount of other ways they can let their little brains go crazy on wrasslin’ is almost endless nowadays, what with all the aforementioned video games out there which are just slightly more advanced than my “one of his arms has a hinge bend in it” Randy Savage action figure from yesteryear. I know that toy companies and the wrestling promotions themselves do still release action dolls but I’m intrigued to know if they are still commonly used the way I used them when growing up.

    I didn’t actually get my first wrestling video game of my own up until “WWF Warzone” on the Playstation One console. Some of my friends had “WWF Royal Rumble” and “Wrestlemania: Arcade” on their SEGA Mega Drive/Genesis machines which I would play when I visited their houses but I never did get one of those games for myself until around 1998. My way of getting my fix was the figures and something else I have mentioned in a previous article; pen and paper. Creating cards, storylines and characters on pages and pages of A4 notebook was a daily occurrence for me. Yet another thing which must have perplexed my family.

    In a way, I’m kinda glad this was all I had as a kid as, well, I was very happy. Of course, as I’ve grown up a little and got older, I have invested into a lot of the video games and am a major fan of them. It just seemed like a natural progression when I did get them, at an age where I no longer wanted to play with children’s toys.

    There were no lies at all when I was referring to being interested in if people, either adults or their children, actually still play with action figures the way I did. Feel free to send me an email to let me know, or just to call me “that” kid who they tell their own to stay away from on the ride to school. I can be reached rather merrily at jamiekennedy@live.com and am guaranteed to respond to everything, totally not because I have no life or anything.. I sincerely hope you’ve enjoyed this little trip back in time of yours truly and that you will send a quick message, I just love talking to people about this wacky world of professional wrestling. And everything in it! Take care everybody and TAKE IT HOME!