We open w/a replay of Foley facing off w/CM Punk, followed by Punk taking a lead pipe to the gut by Cena, the attack on Foley, and the stare down w/Ryback.
Out first is WWE Champion C.M. Punk w/Paul Heyman. Heyman carries the WWE title. Punk calls Cena a coward and accuses Mick Foley of shooting him a disrespectful look and muttering something under his breath, which is why Punk put him down like a dog. Punk asks (rhetorically) if Mick would’ve disrespected Cena, The Rock, or Steve Austin like that. Heyman answers “no” to each one. He did listen to one thing Foley said, about his legacy and facing John Cena in Hell in The Cell, and that’s why he’s here to announce that it still will not happen.
Heyman takes the Mike and moves on to a most relevant piece of business. We see last week when AJ responded to his marriage proposal by slapping him. He points out she never said no, but she did put her hands on him, in direct violation of an edict by the WWE B.O.D. He reads the memo handed down, and demands AJ be removed from office, and replaced with him.
Vicki Guerro comes out w/Dolph Ziggler and reminds us of AJ attacking her 2 months ago, and we get Heyman vs. Vicki on the mike, briefly. Dolph interjects saying this is all AJ’s fault and suggests Heyman and Vicki team-up to take over.
AJ skips out, and informs us all she is on probation. She calls Heyman a “slimy, shady, greasy, creepy as all hell, worm-like excuse for a man,” and mentions she now has a “coach” advising her on running the show.
And Now Daniel Bryan is out. He says he’s just out to apologize for contributing to AJ’s mental state by dumping her. He refers to himself as a handsome, former world champion with “a great beard,” and he is now the Tag Team Champions, plural.
Out comes Kane to remind us AJ Lee is a “phenomenal kisser,” and agrees with Bryan about everything, except for one item. HE is the tag team champions – plural. This breaks down into everyone hollering at each other, until AJ brings it to a halt with a freak out. She reminds us she is still in charge and makes a tag team match, Punk/Ziggler vs. Team Hell No. AJ skips off and we get a promo for a World Heavyweight Championship debate between Big Show and Sheamus. We see Sin Cara and Rey Mysterio heading towards the ring as we go to break.
Side Note: Rey’s mask is designed to look like it’s half his, Half Sin Cara’s. Cara’s mask is half his, half Rey’s.
Nice touch
REY MYSTERIO/SIN CARA DEF PRIMO/EPICO W/ROSA – The masked Mexicans dominate a fast-paced match up while the Prime Time Players look on from the stage. Rey ends it with the 619 and a drop of the dime for the 1-2-3.
We go to break with a reminder of the Sheamus/Big Show debate coming up later.
U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO DEF BRODUS CLAY – This match starts as we come back from break. Cesaro cuts a picture-in-picture promo demanding appreciation in five different languages. Brodus looks strong until he takes a flying back elbow. Cesaro ends it with the neutralizer for the pin.
Backstage: Kaitlin is pulling up her sock over her injured ankle when AJ comes in with her executive coach Christopher J Stevenson. He’s here to evaluate her performance. She makes like she wants to make nice and asks Kaitlin for forgiveness. When Kaitlin smiles at her, AJ bursts into demonic laughter, saying she wasn’t sorry at all, and skips off, leaving CJS and Kaitlin to look confused at each other. We go to break, teasing JR appreciation night.
We come back from break with Zack Ryder in the ring and The Miz coming out. We’re told our social media ambassador for the night will be Larry King.
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION THE MIZ DEF ZACK RYDER – Ryder actually dominates most of the match, but Miz ends it w/a power-bomb to the corner and the Skull-Crushing-Finale.
We come back from break with Smackdown GM Booker-T making his way to the ring. He introduces the Big Show. As Show comes to the ring, we recap Show giving Randy Orton the WMD on last weeks’ Smackdown. Booker then introduces World Champion Sheamus. Both men make quick opening statements. Booker reads them questions from Twitter. Sheamus keeps reminding Show about losing the World Championship to Daniel Bryan in 45 seconds. Show gets angrier. Show collapses his podium (by accident at first.) Then we go to a Tout from Rey Mysteri-O’Sulivan.
It’s Sheamus in a Mysterio mask.
Yep.
Both men tease a throw-down, but Show just storms off. We get a promo for the main event tag, and we cut to Ryback lumbering towards the ring as we go to break.
RYBACK DEF TENSAI – Michael Cole informs us of Jerry Lawler’s improving condition as the match gets under way. It’s a pretty even trade-off of power moves, but when Ryback attempts to lift Tensai into the Meat Hook, someone botches, twice. Cole and JR try to sell it as a block by Tensai, and Ryback ends this with a hard clothesline.
We go to break with a reminder that tonight is JR appreciation night.
When we come back, we’re introduced to breast cancer survivors and their families in the crowd as part of WWE’s breast cancer awareness month promotion w/the Susan G. Komen foundation.
WWE DIVAS CHAMP EVE DEF BETH PHEONIX – Before the match, we get a recap of Eve trying to suspend Beth, getting called on it by Booker T, and throwing Teddy Long under the bus. Eve cuts a picture-in-picture promo where she hard sells the entire Diva division just a little too earnestly. This was a short back-and-forth match with Eve winning by faking an eye injury, hitting a low kick, and the neck-breaker for the three-count.
Backstage: AJ introduces her coach to Wade Barrett. Wade gives her a tongue-lashing before storming off. AJ says her coach looks intimidated.
We go to break with a promo for the main event.
When we come back, John Bradshaw Layfield gives us a Tout about his successful climb of Mount Kilimanjaro as part of a campaign to raise money for underprivileged children.
SANTINO MORELLA DEF HEATH SLATER (DQ) – Short comedy match ends with Santino hitting the “Cobra” on Slater and Slater’s friends, Drew McIntyre and Jinder Mahal jumping Santino. Drew hits the “Future Shock” DDT on Santino and they shove the Cobra sock in Sandino’s mouth. Each man introduces himself to the crowd. Drew is still “the Chosen One;” Jinder is “the Maharaja,” and Slater is “The One Man Band.”
We go to commercial with a teaser for “JR appreciation night.”
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION SHEAMUS DEF DAMIEN SANDOW W/CODY RHODES – Earlier tonight, we had a backstage segment where Sandow and Rhodes both denied the WWE universe coming up with their name while bashing the debate segment. This was one of the most hard-fought matches on RAW in a long time. Both men were booked strong in this match and some are already considering this MOTY material. Match ends with Sheamus throwing Cody in the ring and hitting the Brogue Kick on both men.
We come back from break, with Cole in the ring re-introducing JR to the crowd. JR comes down from the stage, into the ring. Just as JR starts to speak, C.M. Punk heads out with Paul Heyman. Punk gives JR a big build up as a man who’s earned respect. He asks JR to call him “the best in the world.” JR refuses and gives Punk a dressing down. Punk stomps on JR’s hat and orders him out of the ring. JR is halfway gone when RYBACK steps into view. Ryback brings back JR and Punk decides discretion is the better part of valor and takes a hike.
ALBERTO DEL RIO DEF KOFI KINGSTON – Del Rio rides out in a $150,000 Mazarati, as Ricardo Rodriguez introduces him. We take a look back at last Friday on Smackdown as Randy Orton gets the WMD from Big Show, and gets attacked by Del Rio after the show. Kofi comes down with R-Truth and “little Jimmy,” while RR joins the announce team. Ricardo comes off a little disoriented on commentary. Kofi hits his spots but the match ends with him tapping out to the arm-breaker.
Backstage: AJ and her coach are talking. All seems well until AJ suggests that HE be the special guest ref. AJ says a coach “isn’t worth a damn unless he’s been a player,” and her coach “has never been a player.” She throws him out the building, and smirks like a Cheshire Cat.
Side Note: JR makes a boo-boo as he talks over AJ, suggesting Cole “do the reveal,” and apologizes for “talking when he should’ve been listening,” when they come back. Bryan and Kane make their entrances as we go to break.
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS TEAM HELL NO (BRYAN/KANE) DEF WWE CHAMPION C.M. PUNK (W/PAUL HEYMAN) AND DOLPH ZIGGLER (W/VICKI GUERRO) – We come back with everyone in the ring. AJ makes her way out as “special guest ref,” for the match, and nobody is happy about it. The match itself is a well-paced back and forth tag-team battle, with AJ playing it as a hard-line ref. At one point, Heyman pulls Punk’s foot over the bottom rope to break a three count, and AJ sends him to the back. Vicki protests, and gets sent to the back. Ziggler chases after her, leaving Punk alone to take a choke-slam from Kane for the three-count.
RYTMANS RANT
AJ Lee IS the star of Monday Night RAW, good and bad. The good is AJ has taken this derpy gimmick and RAN with it. She has the intensity and charisma to play this big and it’s worked. The bad is she’s not technically in-ring talent right now, so she’s basically high-jacking the show from the wrestlers.
My problem with this is there’s no point to it. She can’t make herself WWE champion, and she doesn’t seem to care who the champion is, as long as she’s the center of attention. She’s basically playing this as an insane child who sees RAW as her toy box, and if you don’t play “right” she sends you into the cornfield. (Twilight Zone Reference:”It’s a good life.”) To me, this is a waste. AJ is just playing with her “power,” and doesn’t really seem to care about accomplishing anything.
Here’s another thing, WHO THE HELL ARE THE GOOD GUYS AROUND HERE? Going back to AJ, why should I be happy about her sticking it to the heels if she’s just going to turn around and be nasty to the faces? Are Bryan and Kane supposed to be good guys? Why is Bryan still a douche? WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO ROOT FOR?
That’s all for this week boys and girls. I’ll see you next week with another Rytman recap and rant.
So last week’s Raw took some pretty big steps. I know. I was going through caffeine withdrawal a few weeks ago and decided it was time to go off of it again. Not sure why I did that. Even with everything, there is still a little bit of anticipation tonight. Piper’s Pit. John Morrison’s Future Endeavored Tour ends tonight. Punk-Del Rio.
I liked the build-up to the title match. Cole & Lawler made it sound important.
They introduced a skinny guy named Rowdy Roddy Piper. Piper is one of my top 5 all-time favorites (Double-A, Taker, Terry Funk, Piper & Sting). Piper brought something we haven’t seen in months. Fire and intensity. It took me a while to figure out what was going on with this promo or why it was happening. I think Piper was trying to get the people to cheer him. Cena continued being happy, smiley Cena. So Piper slapped him. Cena stopped smiling and walked off. Did we find some intensity?
Miz was supposed to fight Morrison. Miz attacked John Morrison with a lead pipe. Welcome to the last stop of the Future Endeavored Tour. Morrison got in some offense and had lots of heart. I was actually surprised this match was as good as it was. He wasn’t even pinned. The referee called the fight.
Psycho Miz cut a nice promo. He had good intensity and fire. He’s the one guy who does well with scripted material. The only problem was that I think he sounded just like Cody Rhodes.
The Bellas wrestled Kelly Kelly and Alicia Fox, the new love of my life. By the time I was done typing this sentence, Alicia pinned a Bella for… why? Beth and Nattie did a run-through that didn’t involve interfering in the match.
We got a Sheamus package. I love the video packages they do. This needs to happen more. Broadus Clay has to hold off ANOTHER week? Then Punk delivers a killer segment. Loved the Jennifer Hudson reference. Now Punk can’t get intentionally disqualified? Does this make ANY sense?
Wade Barrett walks down to the ring nicely dressed. We get Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler. I’m expecting a lot out of this. This was a really good match. The crowd was really into this. Ziggler won through a little help from Wade Barrett.
Michael Cole introduced Daniel Bryan. Michael Cole was awful during this promo. Daniel Bryan spoke with a lot of passion and fire. This would have been a great segment with Josh Matthews instead of Cole.
We got Swagger (without an entrance) versus Zack Ryder. It was a nice short match. Swagger needs to go to Ring of Honor and feud with Homicide. Or Eddie Edwards. Right now I’d take just about anybody. Ryder won.
The Kane promos are awesome.
Mick Foley is now destroying every happy memory I’ve ever had of him. Then Punk says “ass.”
The main event was really good. Lots of near-falls. They were going to do the “heel pretends to be hit by a chair” and Punk fell down first.
Tonight’s Raw was pretty good. Everything seemed to be a little more serious. There was some good passion and fire here. Please tell me we are going to make John Cena not hated again. I could do without “St. Mick,” but Super Dave was only featured in one scene.
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Hello everyone! Tonight is that special night once a year where Superstars and Divas – and now Guest Hosts/Stars? – are given that award that they all hope to attain! A championship?! Don’t be silly!! The Slammy for… Whatever Category They’re Nominated In!! And, because someone, somewhere loves me, here are the categories and nominees!
SHOCKER OF THE YEAR! The Miz cashes in Money in the Bank and becomes the WWE Champion
Randy Orton punts Chris Jericho in the head
The Nexus debuts
Paul Bearer turns on The Undertaker
KNUCKLEHEAD MOMENT OF THE YEAR Big Show unmasks a bald CM Punk
Santino Marella gets out-danced by Vladimir Kozlov
Beth Phoenix eliminates The Great Khali from the Royal Rumble
Lay-Cool gets beaten by Mae Young
DESPICABLE ME AWARD CM Punk sings Happy Birthday to Rey Mysterio’s daughter
Drew McIntyre faces and humiliates Teddy Long
Kane buries The Undertaker alive
Mr. McMahon makes truce with Bret Hart, then kicks him in the groin
HOLY %&^*%&* MOVE OF THE YEAR Kofi Kingston hits Drew McIntyre with a leg drop off ladder through announce table
John Cena sends Batista onto a car and through the stage with two Attitude Adjustments
Randy Orton delivers an RKO to a flying Evan Bourne
John Morrison dives off set onto Daniel Bryan and The Miz
GUEST STAR SHINING MOMENT OF THE YEAR Wayne Brady gets RKO’d by Randy Orton
Pee-Wee Herman vs The Miz
Mike Tyson punches out Chris Jericho
William Shatner sings WWE Entrance Themes
“OH SNAP” MELTDOWN OF THE YEAR Big Show destroys Jack Swagger’s trophies
Edge destroys the RAW GM’s laptop
Alberto Del Rio injures Rey Mysterio’s arm with a steel chair
Batista quits WWE
WWE MOMENT OF THE YEAR Sheamus attacks Triple H from behind with a lead pipe
Edge Spears Chris Jericho through the barricade
The Undertaker vs Shawn Michaels in Michaels’ final match
John Cena counts 1-2-3 as Orton defeats Barrett and Cena is fired from WWE
As well as these categories, there’s also Diva of the Year and Superstar of the Year! But, alongside the Slammys tonight, we also have to find out what Wade Barrett’s decision is concerning Nexus. Will he rehire John Cena, or will he be outcast from the Nexus?
However, before RAW went on the air, the following Superstars won the following awards:
Best Performance By a Winged SpecimenRAW Chicken Best Use of Exercise Equipment Rosa Mendes – Shake Weight Most Menacing Haircut Tyler Reks Best Family Values Kane destroying Swagger Sr. as Jack Swagger looks on Superstar/Diva Most in Need of Makeup Sheamus The “Cole in Your Stocking Award” Daniel Bryan attacking Michael Cole on NXT Outstanding Achievement in Baby Oil Application“Dashing” Cody Rhodes Frequent Tweeter Award Goldust Best WWE.Com Exclusive Show WWE NXT <-Because this needed a category… Most Annoying Catchphrase Zack Ryder’s Woo Woo Woo, You Know It
David Arquette is introduced, and says that there’s no one better to kick of the Slammy Awards than him. Arquette says that he beat Eric Bischoff, and then says that he should have won an Oscar for his role in “Ready to Rumble”. The first category of the Slammys is the Shocker of the Year! Is it The Miz cashing in on Orton? The Nexus debuting? Paul Bearer’s turn against the Undertaker? Or, will it be Randy Orton punting Chris Jericho in the skull?
Wade Barrett comes out and says nothing for a few minutes. Then, he speaks and says he accepts it on behalf of the Nexus. Of course, the Nexus wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for him. If he wouldn’t have won NXT Season One and brought them with him, then they wouldn’t have become the most powerful group in the history of the WWE. And speaking of power, he is the one man with the power to rehire John Cena. Of course, the other members of Nexus have informed him that if he fails to rehire Cena, he’ll be excommunicated from the group. That is, of course, the group he created. He hasn’t made up his mind yet, but he will be making his decision before the night is over. In the mean time, everyone can rest assured that Barrett will be creating many more shocking moments in the WWE.
“Mr. Barrett, I’m going to give you the opportunity to give us yet another shocking moment in a match right now against this man.”
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, it’s a Big Show!
Wade Barrett vs The Big Show
Big Show took Wade’s Slammy, and Barrett looks upset. Punk says that Show thinks there is chocolate under the Slammy, which is why he took it.
Show goes for Barrett, but Barrett ducks under the rope. And then again. Barrett then slides out of the ring and walks around it. The ref starts counting. Barrett gets back in the ring at nine. Show then fakes a hit and kicks Barrett on the stomach, then smacks him hard in the chest. Show then goes to do it again, but Barrett pokes Show in the eye. Barrett takes advantage and attacks the legs. Show misses with a right hand, and Barrett continues to attack his legs. The crowd has a Cena chant going, and Show swats Barrett away from him. Barrett gets show on one knee, but Show gets up and is pissed, throwing Barrett all over the ring, and then out of it. Show climbs out and smacks Barrett again. Barrett is thrown back in the ring, and Show makes his way in as well. Barrett rolls back out and grabs his Slammy. Then, he proceeds to walk out of the match.
Big Show wins by count out.
The Superstar of the Year Nominees are Rey Mysterio, Randy Orton, Edge, John Cena, World Heavyweight Champion Kane, and WWE Champion The Miz.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi ‘It’s not fair! It’s not fair!’ Bitch, this is professional wrestling, not dodgeball. #BWF #RAW
@TKeep123 did I just see ANGRY MIZ girl in the crowd??? #WWE #RAW #Slammies
Oh God. And again, the Diva of the Year will be determined in a battle royal… again.
Kelly Kelly’s presenting Despicable Me Slammy of the Year with Tyson Kidd and Jackson Andrews, or whatever his name was.
God, it’s been so long since I’ve had to listen to Kelly Kelly talk, and she still sounds disgustingly stupid. And I agree with Tyson as he congratulates her for using more big words right now than ever in her life. I like Tyson now. The nominees are: Drew McIntyre humiliating Teddy Long (I want this one, just for Drew to talk to me), Kane burying the Undertaker alive, Mr. McMahon turning on Bret Hart after seeming to accept him, or CM Punk singing happy birthday to Rey Mysterio’s daughter.
CM PUNK!
The crowd doesn’t seem to know whether to cheer or boo him.
Punk says this just goes to prove that if you work hard and believe in yourself, you’ll make all your dreams come true. People ask him why he did it, and he did what he did because Rey wronged Punk, and when people wrong him, he gets even. Right now, there’s another individual who has wronged him, and he’s going to talk specifically to this person, so he wants them to watch their back, because he will get even. And if you think what he did to Rey and his family was despicable, you haven’t seen anything yet.
Kofi comes out, and Punk says that it’s his moment.
<COMMERCIAL>
@WWEsAngel_Nef LMAO @ CM Punk #wwe #slammys Punk is fkn gold man!
@kickoutblog Quite convenient that the Despicable Me award is one day before the movie comes out on DVD.
@xescapeartists Did Tyson just make fun of Kelly Kelly? OMG TYSON. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. And Kelly, you suck on the microphone. kthnks.
@redsandman99 And the Bellas STILL think Daniel Bryan is the guest host!
Kofi Kingston and United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler and Ted DiBiase with Maryse
Daniel and Dolph start out, Ziggler with Bryan in a headlock. Bryan fights out with elbows, but Ziggler takes him down, only for Bryan to kick out of the cover. Ziggler tags in DiBiase, who holds Bryan against the ropes, distracting the ref while Ziggler delivers a cheap shot. DiBiase goes for two covers in a row, but Bryan kicked out. DiBiase tags in Ziggler, who runs right in and goes for a cover, only for Bryan to kick off. Ziggler tags in DiBiase again, and kicks Bryan in the stomach. DiBiase goes for another cover, but Bryan kicks out at two. DiBiase gets Bryan in a headlock, and Bryan kicks out, ducking two clotheslines, and then both men running into one another in a cross body. DiBiase rolled right out of the ring, and Bryan tags in Kingston. Ziggler comes in, only to get a bunch of kicks to the face. Kingston Boom Drops Ziggler and then calls for the Trouble in Paradise, which connects. Kingston goes for the cover and DiBiase just barely misses breaking the cover before the ref smacks the mat in three.
Kofi Kingston and the United States Champion Daniel Bryan win via pinfall.
Later to come, Sheamus and John Morrison meet one on one.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog But speaking of Despicable Me… IT’S SO FLUFFY!
@Niki_Sushi Vickie, Bellas, Daniel, Kofi…this could only get worse if Truth came out. #BWF #RAW
@WWEsAngel_Nef I love how everyone has a woman at ringside except Kofi. Maybe he should ask DB if he can borrow a Bella Theres enough 2 go around #bwf #wwe
Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov are going to present Guest Star Shining Moment of the Year! Santino says that once again RAW was host to top performers in sports and entertainment. Santino says that Kozlov was humiliated by the cast of MacGruber, and then Kozlov says the time that he destroyed Santino. Santino apologizes, kisses his cheeks, and then steps away from an angry looking Kozlov. The Nominees are Mike Tyson for punching out Chris Jericho, Pee Wee Herman vs The Miz, Wayne Brady getting an RKO, or William Shatner singing Superstar Entrance Themes.
Via satellite, Pee Wee says he just received word that he won. He’s never won anything like that before and he’s overwhelmed, and he’d like to thank The Miz, Big Show (AKA Big Pee Wee), and he’s ready to come back anytime, and it’s incredible, and he’s going to burst, and thank you, and all that good stuff.
Backstage, Barrett puts his Slammy up and is confronted by Nexus. Otunga says they want his decision. If he doesn’t hire Cena back, Nexus will be just fine, but Otunga can’t say the same thing for Barrett. Taking that beating from Show didn’t look too promising for Barrett’s singles career. Barrett thanks Otunga for opening his eyes and says he knows exactly what he has to do.
<COMMERCIAL>
@JoeyStyles William Shatner was robbed of a Slammy
@WWEsAngel_Nef WILLIAM SHATNER WAS ROBBED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #WWE #bwf #Slammys
@RingsideRants That crowd could not care less about Pee Wee Herman.
@Niki_Sushi Johnny Knoxville should win, just for knocking Ted on his ass. I’m just saying. #BWF #RAW
Mark Henry vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes
Rhodes can’t even get his jacket out of the ring before Henry runs after him. Henry goes after Rhodes, and Rhodes ducks under the ropes. Rhodes ducks a clothesline, and then is thrown across the ring, and then is hit with a clothesline. Henry then screws with Rhodes’ face, and Rhodes goes Hulk on him. Rhodes rips Henry and then jumps all over him, literally, and then puts him in a headlock. Henry refuses to submit, and manages to get up to his feet. Rhodes goes to kick him, but Henry pushes him back and then clotheslines him a few times. Rhodes thrown into the corner, and then gets Henry’s giant ass in his stomach. Henry goes to do it again and Rhodes hits Beautiful Disaster, then takes him down. Rhodes then jumps off the top rope and plants his knee in Henry’s spine for the win.
“Dashing” Cody Rhodes wins via pinfall.
Next up is the Holy %&^*%&* Move of the Year.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi I really… really… want some kool-aid right now. HE’S DANCING MY FACE, DAMMIT! >:O #BWF #RAW
@seraphalexiel At this point, I’m positive that a win over Mark Henry should no longer be considered an upset victory
Jerry “The King” Lawler is presenting us with the next award!… along with Vickie Guerrero. Don’t worry, King, you aren’t the only one upset. King says he’s glad to see Vickie and he’s lucky to be there, because he was up all night with his pet lizard who had reptile dysfunction. I laughed. Vickie says Holy…. Is the exact reaction she had when Cole caused Jerry the WWE Championship. King says that that’s probably the reaction Ziggler has when she models lingerie, or goes into the restaurant and says she’ll take it when given the menu. Vickie says she’s lost weight, and Jerry says to look around, and she’ll find it.
Nominees! Morrison jumps off the set onto Daniel Bryan and The Miz, Kingston leg drops Drew off a ladder through the announce table, Cena AA’s Batista through the stage, and Randy RKO’s Evan in midair.
John Cena! King says hold up, because Cena is fired and can’t be there, so they’re going to accept it.
Barrett comes out and says that he’ll take that. If Cena wants it, he can come and get it. The whole world is hanging on Barrett’s every word, because he’s about to decide whether or not to rehire John Cena. Barrett says his decision is… … … … Barrett says that he’s not going to make his decision unless John Cena comes down to the ring and faces him. The crowd starts screaming and Barrett’s eyes dart around to try to find Cena. Cena hugs a bunch of people and high fives people and makes his way to the ring. Barrett tells him to keep his distance, and that if Cena attacks him now, his decision will be obvious. Barrett says that he’s thought long and hard about this decision, and it affects a lot of people: Cena, Barrett, and the Nexus. The Nexus comes out, but John doesn’t seem scared. Nexus surrounds the ring again. All these long pauses of silence are getting on my nerves. Barrett says that Cena is officially rehired… on two conditions: 1) Cena agrees to face Barrett this Sunday at TLC in a chair match, which Cena agrees to. 2) Cena gives the whole world what they’ve been waiting to see: Tonight, he goes one-on-one with David Otunga. Otunga looks shocked, but Cena laughs and agrees to that too. Barrett says he wants to show Cena exactly why he wanted to rehire him. And Nexus climbs up on the apron, and Cena fights, and Nexus gangs up on him. Barrett slides in the ring with a steel chair, and smacks Cena with it when he goes to get up. Then again. Barrett and Nexus leave the ring. Welcome back, Cena.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi Slipped that carpet right out from under Mr. Orange Face, now didn’t he? #BWF #RAW
@TKeep123 “Paging Wade Barrett…paging Wade Barrett….you can claim your testicles at the ticket office. ” #WWE #RAW #BWF #Slammy
Next week is WWE Week on USA! Monday night at 9 is RAW, Tuesday night at 9 is Smackdown, LIVE, and Tribute to the Troops is Wednesday at 8!!
David Arquette is back, with a change of clothes, to say something: he’s opening a theater at the historic Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood. They’ll be debuting on Valentine’s Day 2011. He wants to introduce the WWE Universe Fan Reaction of the Year. This encapsulates what makes the WWE Universe so great. Nominees: Weird Kid Reacting to Cena joining Nexus. Loser Crying when Shawn Michaels’ career ended at Wrestlemania, some Kid, and then the Angry Miz Girl.
I officially hate her. She thanks her dad and her sister, and-
AWESOME
I really hate her right now.
Miz kneels in front of her, to a rather unimpressed face, and asks if she remembers him. He says she looks so pretty, and compliments her Slammy. He asks if he can take a look at her Slammy, and the girl looks half dead. He says that he should take it for safe-keeping, and then asks if she can do him a favor: show him the face, and then mocks her for the face. He makes Riley hold it, and says that he deserves a Slammy, not a nine-year-old girl. Nobody’s worked harder than him. He’s held the United States, Unified Tag Team, Money in the Bank, and WWE Championships. That’s called a Grand Slam. He finds it amazing that tonight is the Slammys when there are still three weeks left in the year, because if you want a moment of the year, tune in this Sunday to TLC where he’ll beat Orton so bad, Orton will beg him to put him through a table. He’ll prove why Miz is the reason they’re here tonight-
“I decided that six days before your tables match at TLC, both you and Randy Orton are going to face former champions tonight. And Miz, your match against a former World Champion, begins right now.”
WWE Champion The Miz vs Rey Mysterio
Miz and Rey go to lock up, but Miz kicks Rey, then beats him into the corner. Miz then whips Rey across the ring, but Rey throws him out of the ring, and then sentons him outside the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi It’s like taking a Slammy from a very angry 9 year old girl who would love nothing more than to beat you to death with it. #BWF #RAW
@kickoutblog Did Miz just steal Miz Girl’s Slammy?! Hilarious.
@HitTheRopes Where’s Kalee’s dad? Just for realism, dad should have gotten in Miz’s face. #wwe
@TKeep123 ANGRY MIZ GIRL…..LIVE!!! ….and she WINS!! …and she still ain’t happy! #WWE #RAW #BWF #Slammy
@AngryGirlWWE I WIN! I WIN!!!!! #angrygirlwwe
@RingsideRants Miz Girl is a better actress than Dixie Carter.
We come back to Rey fighting and throwing Miz across the ring. Miz went to counter one of Rey’s moves, but Rey countered that one. Rey shoves Miz into the ropes and gets ready for the 619, but Alberto Del Rio interrupts, and Miz climbs out of the ring. Rey slides out of the ring, but gets face planted into the apron by Miz. Miz throws him back in and goes for a cover, but Rey kicks out at two. Miz dominates Rey, putting him up on the top rope, and climbing up after him. Miz sets up a suplex, but Rey throws him off and hits a seated senton, then flies into a lateral press on Miz. Miz shoves Rey back and then kicks him in the stomach. Rey kicks him in the head and Miz kicks out of the pin. Miz goes to hit him, but Rey gets a drop toe hold on Miz and goes for the 619, but Alberto is on the apron and distracts him. Rey set s up again, but Riley distracts the ref and Alberto takes Rey down. Miz sneaks up a cover.
WWE Champion The Miz wins via pinfall.
Rey chases Alberto Del Rio down the ramp.
“As I said earlier, both The Miz and Randy Orton will face former champions tonight. Miz just faced Rey Mysterio and later tonight, Randy Orton will compete in a handicapped match against Alex Riley and his partner, former WCW World Heavyweight Champion, David Arquette.”
Well, way to give a match to Randy. Because legitimately building up momentum is overrated.
Still to come, the Diva Clusterfuck Battle Royal for the Diva of the Year Slammy. And John Morrison and Sheamus have yet another match next.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Miz Girl should do a run-in and cost Miz the match.
@TKeep123 Is it wrong I’m looking forward to the Cross-brand DIVA Battle Royal? …Ok, and hoping for wardrobe malfunction? #WWE #RAW #BWF #Slammy
Edge is here to give out the Slammy for the Oh SNAP! Meltdown of the Year, a category he is nominated for. He says that it’s an honor to be out there tonight to present the Slammy and he’s pretty sure Kane was supposed to be his co-presenter tonight because he’s probably having a Meltdown of his own right now. Right now, Edge needs a co-presenter, one he’s comfortable with, one that he knows well and has had chemistry with…
If you close your eyes you’ll find naked truth revealed…
I marked out right here. I really did. Edge asks how his pec is and Christian says it’s fine. Christian says that he hopes Del Rio wins, because he and his Peeps haven’t forgotten what happened. The nominees are: Show destroying Swagger’s trophies, Alberto del Rio freaking out all over Rey Mysterio, Edge destroying the RAW General Manager’s laptop (“You’ve got the crazy eyes!”), or Batista quitting the WWE.
Edge!!
Edge says that he appreciates the Slammy, but for Meltdown of the Year? He doesn’t get it. He’s always been calm and rational, but sure he may have lost his cool a few times because of a RAW General Manager who hides behind a computer, and has no guts and Christian tries to stop Edge. Christian’s phone goes off and he says that he’s just received an email… nah, just kidding. He is the RAW General Manager.
Sunday, Edge will be the World Heavyweight Champion, but after all these years one thing has remained the same: Michael Cole is still a massive tool.
King Sheamus vs John Morrison
Sheamus shoves Morrison right into the corner, then slaps him hard, and then proceeds to just beat the hell out of Morrison. Morrison then beats the crap out of Sheamus. Sheamus goes right through the damn ref to get to Morrison, then Morrison gets the momentum… I don’t even know.
Nobody wins due to double count out.
More refs come out to try to get them apart, but the two of them are vowing death to the other, but still.
“Sheamus, Morrison, it’s obvious this issue of yours isn’t going to be resolved tonight, so I’ve decided to raise the stakes. Not only will the two of you will compete at TLC Sunday, but the winner will become the next Number One Contender to the WWE Championship. The winner will be the man who gets the contract that is suspended above the ring. That’s right, the two of you will compete in a Number One Contender’s Ladder Match.”
Sheamus yells at Cole, then grabs a ladder. He then slams it into Morrison, who walked right the hell into it, and then climbs in the right to further beat the hell out of Morrison, and throws him out of the ring, into the ladder.
Still to come, Randy will face Riley and Arquette, Cena and Otunga will face up.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi How do you win an award for beating up a computer? How do you win an award for puking on someone? The same way, akshully. #BWF #RAW
@seraphalexiel Honestly, I would have preferred if Del Rio and Mysterio got the ladder match
@RingsideRants Oh damn…. a potential Morrison-Miz title program in the works??
@kickoutblog Christian > Edge. Always
@WWEsAngel_Nef Why yes. Yes you are a tool Michael Cole. Edge is ftfw! #WWE #bwf #Slammys
@TKeep123 Christian get’s a Anonymous GM message on his iPhone … ok, just kidding! #WWE #RAW #BWF #Slammy
@HitTheRopes Damn, that sh*t had to hurt! #Sheamus #Morrison #wwe
Presenting the Slammy for Knucklehead Moment of the Year is… JTG and William Regal? SERIOUSLY?! I love Regal, but seriously? With JTG? Regal at least just shakes his head at JTG.
Nominees: Show unmasks a bald CM Punk, Mae Young PWNS Lay-Cool, Beth Phoenix eliminates Khali via… kiss?!, and Santino Marella is out-danced by… Vladimir Kozlov?!
Mae Young beating LayCool… But Lay Cool is totally here. God. Layla says she’d thank Mae Young, but they don’t get basic cable at the nursing home, and the award is Flawless.
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes JTG screws up the announcement. #ReadingReadingYeahYeah
@WWEsAngel_Nef You know JTG needs to fire that gimmick and be more Regal ish. #bwf #WWE #Slammys
@kickoutblog A battle royal to determine Diva of the Year? Doesn’t that just determine the Diva of December 13th?
Diva Clusterfuck Battle Royal to determine Diva of the Year
Layla, Michelle McCool, Kelly Kelly, Alicia Fox, Beth Phoenix, Maryse, Brie and Nikki Bella, Melina, Eve Torres, Diva’s Champion Natalya, Gail Kim, Kaitlyn, and Tamina? Anyway, Kaitlyn and Rosa are eliminated first, Tamina, Bella Whore 1, Eve Torres, Bella Whore 2, Maryse, Kelly Kelly, Melina (after a Glam Slam into the ropes), Layla, Beth Phoenix, Gail, Alicia Fox, and Diva’s Champion Natalya.
Michelle McCool wins.
“Celebrate all you want tonight, ladies, but this Sunday may be a different story. At TLC, LayCool will meet WWE Diva’s Champion Natalya and her partner, Beth Phoenix, in the first ever Diva’s Table Match.”
Next up, Edge takes on Jack Swagger.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog How long have they been using the “HERE COME ALL THE DIVAS!!” music? It needs to go
@Niki_Sushi …. I think LayCool just got royally fucked. #justsayin #BWF #RAW
@seraphalexiel Wait. Did they say Divas tag team tables match? Did I hear that right? DID I HEAR THAT RIGHT?
I’m a horrible person for continuing to laugh at Kane pushing Paul Bearer off the edge of the second floor… I really am.
You think you know me…
Edge vs Jack Swagger
Edge and Swagger lock up, but Swagger gets the momentum and slams Edge down to the ground. Swagger keeps momentum over Edge, throwing Edge across the ring and into the opposite corner. Edge, however, takes no shit, and beats Swagger, who manages to come back by dropping Edge stomach-first into his knee. Swagger goes for a cover, but Edge kicks out at two. Swagger then puts Edge in… a submission my brain isn’t providing a name for right now, but Edge fights to his feet and then eats the heel of Swagger’s boot. Swagger goes for another cover, but Edge kicks out. Here, Cole points out to us that TLC means Tables, Ladders, and Chairs. Thanks Cole! :B Edge fights off of Swagger’s shoulders and drops Swagger straight to the mat. Edge ducks a clothesline and slams into Swagger before dropping him to the mat and going for a cover. Swagger kicks out at two, and Edge goes to Whip him, but gets thrown to the mat, and he kicks out of Swagger’s cover at two. Swagger runs across the ring and goes to drop on Edge, but Edge lifts his legs and Swagger tries to lock in the ankle lock, but Edge rolls over. Swagger goes for the Gutwrench Powerbomb, which we haven’t seen in forever, and Edge counters out of it, dropping Swagger to the ground. He sets up for the Spear and hits it.
Edge wins via pinfall.
WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley are backstage talking about David Arquette. Miz says that he’ll be out there too. Arquette runs up and says that he and Miz have a lot in common: they have Hollywood careers, they’re both awesome. Riley says that Orton is dangerous and Arquette is delusional. Miz says he has one goal in mind: To put Orton through a table.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog Edge vs. Jack Swagger will be preempted for Jack Swagger vs. his t-shirt.
@Niki_Sushi I’ve always wondered what exactly they stare off into the distance at… is there a target saying ‘LOOK HERE’? #BWF #RAW
@TKeep123 Edge v. Swagger …not a bad match tonight! Edge wins! THPEAR! THPEAR! THPEAR! #WWE #RAW #BWF #Slammy
Cool Smackdown vs RAW 2011 award thing.
WWE Moment of the Year Slammy will be presented by The Big Show! Show walks over to get a better mic, and says that there are many legendary moments in the WWE, and here are this year’s nominees: Cena rules fairly and is fired from the WWE. Sheamus attacks Triple H from behind during Triple H’s farewell speech. Edge Spears Jericho through the barrier. Shawn Michaels’ final match against The Undertaker.
Shawn Michaels!
Shawn couldn’t be here tonight, but he is on the Tron!!! Shawn says he can’t give away his location for fear the WWE would try to get him to come back, and he thanks everyone for making his life worth living, and Shawn tweeted that this part was taped earlier, so it’s NOT LIVE YOU LIARS! Shawn thanks everyone for the ride, and says that he doesn’t miss it, but misses the fans. Hopefully, we can all see each other very soon, and says good luck!
Later tonight, Cena takes on Otunga. Up next, Randy Orton will get great momentum going into TLC by defeating these two nobodies in Riley and Arquette… I mean… Will have a match.
<COMMERCIAL>
@FrankWWEClown The moment of the year HAS to be HBK/Taker. I was blessed to see it live, and I will never forget it. Brought tears to my eyes. #WWE
@TKeep123 Birth of AUSTIN 3:16 ….. still sends a chill down my spine.. Thank you Steve Austin! #WWE #RAW #BWF #Slammy
@seraphalexiel Shawn Michaels, you were like no other. I’m happy that you’re happy. Thank you for everything
I hear voices in my head…
Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley and David Arquette
Looks like Riley will start out with Orton, because he didn’t learn last week, and the two go to lock up, but Orton is obviously pissed, and he beats the hell out of Riley in the corner. He then Whips Riley, who counters it, and then Riley is smacked to the ground. Orton uppercuts him, then goes for the cover, but Riley kicks out at two. Riley is then hurled around the ring, but Orton runs right into Riley’s feet. Arquette gets tagged in and jumps on Orton, who looks at him like he’s an idiot, and then kicks him in the stomach. Orton starts pounding the mat, and wisely tags in Riley who looks at him like he’s an idiot, but Orton drops him in a back breaker. Orton then smashes his foot into Riley’s face. But, Riley moves when Orton goes to drop his knee in Riley’s face, but Orton still kicks out of the cover. Orton fights back against Riley, and then delivers a knee to Orton’s midsection as Orton goes to him. When the ref isn’t looking, Arquette has Orton in a headlock. Riley then walks into Orton’s fist, but then Riley runs into the clothesline. Orton then scoop slams Riley and jerks around, chucking Riley back to the mat. Riley gets up, Orton hits the RKO, and that’s all she wrote.
Randy Orton wins via pinfall.
After the match, Miz slams the Money in the Bank briefcase into Orton’s’ head, and Arquette is going to help him this time around. Like a dumbass. Miz gets the table set up, and gets Orton up. Punk pretends that he has no idea what Miz is going to do, and Miz and Arquette go to double suplex Orton into the table, but Orton counters and beats Miz down. He goes to power bomb Miz, but Arquette gets him out of it. Miz rolls out of the ring, and Arquette is left to take the power bomb through the table.
Coming up, John Cena takes on David Otunga.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 David Arquette….rocking Evel Kenevil ninja-style! #WWE #RAW #BWF #Slammy
@Niki_Sushi Tool of the Year award. Who would win? David Arquette or Michael Cole? #BWF #RAW
Cole comes out and says that 2010 had some great quotes. The Nominees for the And I Quote Line of the Year are from Santino, Cena, Edge… and so many others. My favorite is Cody’s “Don’t breathe on me”.
Seriously? Michael Cole. I think he’s lying. He pulls the ‘I wasn’t expecting this’ thing and pulls out a paper. The thanks the non-existent Cole Miners and The Miz, and the sound guys cut him off. Good. Anyway. Superstar of the Year awards is next.
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog “Crack binge with Amy Winehouse” and “Of course you have an email you idiot, just read it.”
@HitTheRopes Wooo!!! @TitusNXT always makes it a win!
@seraphalexiel “Duct tape? Are you serious?”
@FrankWWEClown I’ll be accepting my award for “And I Quote of the Year” for….”I HATE YOU HEATH SLATER, I HATE YOU!!!” Tootin’ my own horn. 🙂 #WWE
Teddy Long is going to present the Superstar of the Year Slammy! The nominees are Edge, WWE Champion The Miz, World Heavyweight Champion Kane, John Cena, Rey Mysterio, and Randy Orton.
Cena comes out and thanks everyone for not giving up on him. He says that this award was our award to give away and he finds it amazing that we gave it to him because up to an hour ago he didn’t have a job. It’s been a crazy year: he was forced to join the Nexus (only good thing being that he could pee in Barrett’s coffee), he was fired (and got to tailgate with the WWE Universe), and there’s magic on Bourbon Street. Cena says that what happened to him was his own fault, but he is now back fulltime on RAW. He will continue to be a man of his word. He has gotten to each and every member of the Nexus except Otunga and Barrett. Tonight, when Otunga steps in the ring, he doesn’t care if he brings Hasky, McG, the dude from something (AXE MURDERER!) or the chick from Wendy’s, Otunga is getting hurt. Sunday at TLC, every ounce of frustration, misery, anger will be unleashed. This Sunday, at TLC, we have his word: Wade Barrett will be destroyed.
John Cena vs. David Otunga
Barrett takes the mic and says that before the match starts, he wants to remind Cena what happened earlier, what’s going to happen tonight, and what will happen on Sunday.
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Nexus attacks Cena and Barrett attacks Cena with a chair.>
Otunga turns around and high fives Nexus, or forearm bump, or something, except Barrett. Otunga walks down to the ring. Fina-fuckin-lly.
And now, like last week with Barrett, the Nexus slowly walks out on Otunga.
Cena, however, wants to fight, so he forces Otunga into the ring and smacks Otunga Show-style., then again on the back. Cena knees Otunga in the stomach, and chucks Otunga to the mat. Cena Whips Otunga across the ring, then runs his shoulder into Otunga’s face. Cena throws Otunga into the corner, then Whips him back around the ring, and Otunga finally moves. Otunga wails on Cena, bouncing around like a ping pong ball, and then goes back to Cena. Otunga goes for the cover, but Cena kicks out. Otunga goes to lift Cena, but Cena drops him with a drop toe hold and locks in the STF. Otunga taps out.
John Cena wins via submission.
Cena grabs a chair as Barrett walks out with a chair again. Cena then proceeds to use that chair on Otunga. And again. And again. And again. Cena then drags Otunga to the middle of the ring, and then massacres Otunga with it. Barrett seems more amused than scared, Cena.
So, there’s the Slammys! I have an idea in mind for something for those of you who tweet for me every week, but I have to see if it’ll work out. Keep an eye on my Twitter, and on the BWF website, because I may post it there if I don’t wait until next week. Thanks a lot, and I’ll be back for you next week!
Last Sunday was the Final Resolution PPV. So naturally, with everything resolved, there will be no more conflict. Total Nonstop … umm…. umm… presents: iMPACT!
I generally take a peek at the non-spoiler card for shows I suffer through and review. And normally I don’t start off these intro segments with any reference… but tonight is different. Daffney is back on my television tonight! Let’s find out if TNA presents her as a threat, or uses her as enhancement… (more…)
