Tag Archive: Meat Hook

  1. RYTMANS RAW REVIEW 10/08/12

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    John Cena opens the show with a weird promo about Kane/Bryan’s anger management issues, U.S. Champion Cesar Antonio having huge nipples, and wanting to take AJ out on a date to “In & Out” burger. He comments on how loud the crowd is, but they have no voice; because the voice of the voiceless has become the “voice of the selfish,” referring to WWE Champion C.M. Punk refusing to face him at “Hell in a Cell.”

    “If you are the best in the world, what does it matter if no-one watches?” – John Cena

    Cena says Punk’s not a man, and tells him don’t be a punk. Face him at “HIC” and cement his legacy.
    As Cena leaves, RYBACK enters. They trade a glance passing each other up the aisle.

    RYBACK DEF PRIMO/EPICO W/ROSA – This match actually makes Mo/Co look better in defeat than Ryback does in victory. The former champions take over early and dominate with quick double teaming, yet this ends just the way you figured, with Ryback squashing both men w/a combo of clotheslines and the Meat-hook.

    John Bradshaw Layfield is on commentary tonight w/Jim Ross and Michael Cole. During the match, he mentions how Primo/Epico were Puerto Rican tag team champions, and that their uncle Carlos Colon still owes him and a lot of other people money.

    Brodus Clay and the Funkadactyls dance their way to the ring. R-Truth chases “Little Jimmy” into the ring. He apologizes to Brodus, but since “Jimmy” is going through some “changes,” he asks if they can dance instead of fight. Brodus agrees and we have a dance party; until Vince McMahon himself pops up on the tron to tell them to wrap it up and dance out of the ring, so he can deliver a “state of the WWE address” after the break.

    We come back from break and Vince is in the ring, addressing the state of WWE.

    “We just saw two grown men, out here with two lovely ladies, the Funkadactyls – you have to be careful how you say that – dancing with an imaginary child, that’s the state of the WWE.” – Vince McMahon

    Vince remarks how that there’s room for that in the WWE as well as Leprechauns, Goat-faced vegans, big red monsters, giants etc. When he mentions the best facing the best, WWE champ C.M. Punk interrupts with Paul Heyman in tow. Vince calls his t-shirt ugly and says he feels disrespected. Punk goes off on the subject of disrespect, in regards to him. He asks if Vince respects him. Vince says he respects Punks reign as champion, but he’s not a “C.M. Punk guy.”

    Punk responds by calling himself the best thing Vince has got right now, and he should be appreciated. He threatens to jump the rail and let Vince kiss his ass goodbye. He asks Vince who makes the WWE a success, Vince answers, and it’s the WWE universe. He listens to them every day, and he bets they’re all thinking someone needs to shut his mouth. Vince says he has no right to compare himself to past stars like Shawn Michaels, Brett Hart, and Stone Cold Steve Austin. Punk cuts a promo on Austin, saying he got to the top with short-cuts and ducking people. Punk follows it up with a slap to Vince’s face. Vince gets back up and demands that Punk fights him tonight!

    Back from break, Arnold Schwarzenegger is our social media ambassador tonight.

    REY MYSTERIO/SIN CARA DEF TITUS O’NEAL/DARRIEN YOUNG – This was a general but entertaining tag match, if formulaic. Rey gets the win with a 619 and droppin’ the dime. This puts “Sinsterio” in the finals of the tournament to name #1 contenders to the WWE tag team title.

    Backstage: Paul Heyman tries to talk Punk out of the match w/Vince McMahon, telling him even if he wins, they’ll both have a crazy billionaire dedicated, to making their lives miserable, after them. Punk says they have nothing to worry about.
    Back from break, we get a double recap of Cena challenging Punk at Hell in the Cell, Punk slapping down Vince, and Vince making a main-event with him facing Punk.

    SHEAMUS DEF WADE BARRETT (DQ) – Before the match, we get a recap of Sheamus getting Big Show DQ’d in his match against Tensai on last weeks’ Smackdown. Just as the match starts, Big Show comes out to sit at ringside. The match itself was just a good old fashioned brawl, with the momentum going back and forth until Tensai runs in to get payback and the DQ for Sheamus. Sheamus fights off his attackers but Big Show catches his foot, and dumps him over the ropes and out the ring. Show walks off smiling.

    After the match, JR heads to the back to try and talk Vince out of the match.  Vince makes JR call the match right there in front of him.

    Back from break, Punk meets with GM AJ Lee, suggesting that the WWE BOD (board of directors) might not be happy with her letting her boss get beaten up. AJ calls Punk a coward, and Punk agrees to the match, saying whatever happens is on her “pretty little head.”

    We get a look at Cena pushing the Susan G. Komen breast-cancer awareness campaign on “Kelly and Michael.” (Daytime TV. show)

    Back from break, we get a recap of Antonio Cesaro taking out Brodus Clay with the “Neutralizer” on last weeks’ show. As Cesaro makes his way to the ring, we get a clip of Cesaro insulting Americans taste in cuisine, saying it’s only fit for swine.

    U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO DEF TYSONN KIDD – Kidd actually gets in some nifty offense, but Cesaro finishes it convincingly with the “Neutralizer.”

    We come back from break to Vicki Guerro introducing us to Mr. Money in the Bank, Dolph Ziggler. Michael Cole recaps Ziggler’s “Twitter feud” with Arnold Schwarzenegger, as Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto Del Rio, who drives out in an $110,000 Mazarati. WWE tag champions Daniel Bryan and Kane make their respective entrances, and we’re underway.

    WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS HELL NO (BRYAN/KANE) DEF ALBERTO DEL RIO AND DOLPH ZIGGLER – Face-paced, if by-the-numbers tag with plenty of highspots. Kane brings it home by tagging himself in and getting the choke-slam on Ziggler for the three-count.

    Side Notes: Kane celebrates 15 years with WWE this month, and JBL calls Mil Mascaras (Del Rio’s grandfather,) the “most selfish man in the business.”

    Recap: Punk slaps Vince

    Backstage: JR tries to talk Vince out of the match, mentioning what happened to “The King.” Vince makes JR call the match in the old JR style right then and there, following that with a Rock reference.

    “It doesn’t matter what you think!” – Vince McMahon

    Back from break, Cole congratulates JBL on his successful climb of Mount Kilimanjaro to raise money for at-risk kids.
    AND now we get a “Larry King NOW” segment. Broadcast legend Larry King comes out with wife # seven/eight/thirteen, whatever, and introduces Intercontinental Champion the Miz as his guest. Miz acts like a jerk, Larry brings out Kofi Kingston, Miz is a bigger jerk, Larry’s wife throws water in his face, Miz takes off his jacket, Kofi jumps Miz, and as they fight to the back, Larry and wife no. seven of eleven wave and smile to the people, feeling NO OBLIGATION WHATSOEVER to sell the brawl like it’s anything important.

    “I’ve had more championships than you’ve had wives.” – The Miz

    RHODES SCHOLARS VS SANTINO MORELLA/ZACK RYDER – Quick, simple tag team match w/Cody Rhodes and Damian Sandow advancing into the finals, after Cody hits the beautiful disaster while Santino tries to put on the sock puppet.

    After the match, Santino take a beat-down from Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre, and Jinder Mahal. I don’t know why.
    Backstage: Paul Heyman tries to talk Vince out of the match w/C.M. Punk. Vince asks Heyman if he knows when he is/isn’t lying.

    “Don’t make CM Punk do to you, what Brock Lesnar did to Triple H.” – Heyman

    WWE DIVAS CHAMPIONSHIP; EVE VS KAITLIN – Layla joins the commentary team while Eve makes Kaitlyn look good. Kaitlyn hits a back-breaker on Eve, aggravating the “injured” ankle. Eve wins with an ankle-lock submission, but refuses to let go. Layla runs in to break it up. Eve makes like she’s concerned for Kaitlyn. During the whole match, JBL kept riding Layla on her “conspiracy theory,” about how Eve got the title shot. It was like he was trying to get something out of her, but I’ll never know what.

    Backstage: Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo are deciding where to go to eat. Josh Mathews comes in and tries to tell them about Randy Orton’s tweet. Del Rio tries to blow him off, but Josh reads the tweet. Orton is really looking forward to Smackdown. Del Rio gets concerned and bolts.

    Twitter, the new weapon of intimidation; as confirmed by teen-age girls everywhere.

    After a promo for the Susan G. Komen breast cancer awareness campaign, we get a bit where Daniel Bryan asks Larry for advice about dealing with the “goat face” comments. Kane steps in and they start with the arguing. Bryan yells at Kane for scaring off Larry. Kane thought it was Skeletor.

    VINCENT KENNEDY MCMAHON VS WWE CHAMPION C.M. PUNK (NO CONTEST) – Punk jumps Vince from behind before the match even starts, and proceeds to toss him all over the arena floor. Funniest spot is Punk putting on a headset to mock Vince.

    “WHAT A MANUVER!” – Punk to Vince

    And then it goes to crap.

    Vince not only turns the tide, but proceeds to BRUTALIZE Punk. He HURLS Punk across the announce table, and pounces on him. At one point, Vince grabs a Kendo stick, and Punk tries to RUN AWAY. He calls for Heyman to grab his belt, but Vince takes Heyman down and grabs it.

    Punk comes back, and finds a Kendo stick of his own. We get a brief duel THAT VINCE WINS! Punk takes over with a low-blow and batters Vince with two kendo sticks. Punk goes for the GTS, but Ryback runs to the rescue. Punk tries to bail, but John Cena comes out to toss him back in. After taking a few bumps, Punk bails. Vince demands Punk choose to face Ryback or Cena at HITC by next week, or Vince will choose for him.

    RYTMANS RANT

    SERIOUSLY!? You really want to take this huge step back? After a solid first hour with decent matches, you wanna JOB OUT YOUR CHAMPION TO A 67 YEAR OLD MAN? YOU EXPECT TO SELL A PPV WITH THIS SH!T?
    Was this some kind of jab at Lawler? Or a punishment because you blame Punk for what happened to him? Because I have NO idea what the logic here is.

  2. RYTMANS RAW RECAP AND REVIEW 09/24/2012

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    MATCH RESULTS

     

    DOLPH ZIGGLER (w/VICKI) DEF KOFI KINGSTON (w/R-TRUTH and LITTLE JIMMY) – Before the match begins; R-Truth and “little jimmy” get into an argument with Vicki at ringside. Vicki takes a drink in the face and the referee sends her, Truth and “Jimmy” to the back. The match is a high-flying spot-fest with both men taking huge bumps back and forth. Ziggler sends Kofi head-first into the corner, and gets the three-count with the Zig-Zag.

    PRIME TIME PLAYAS DEF RYDER/SANTINO – This is a quick and simple tag match. Titus O’Neal gets a blind tag while Santino sets up the “Cobra” for Darren Young. O’Neal gets the three-count with a spine-buster.

    RYBACK DEF THE MIZ – Miz doesn’t get squashed in the true sense, but the end is a foregone conclusion with Ryback crushing him with the “meat hook.” During the match, a fan tries to run in but is taken out fast by security.

    WADE BARRETT DEF TYSON KIDD – Little more than a squash. Barrett wins with the “souvenir.”

    SHEAMUS, SIN CARA, REY MYSTERIO DEF ALBERTO DEL RIO, DAVID OTUNGA, RICARDO RODRIGUEZ – RAW GM AJ Lee made this match during a backstage segment, explaining to Del Rio and co. that this was their chance to get payback on Sheamus for injuring each of them with the “Brogue Kick.” Match ends with Ricardo taking a 619 and a Swanton from Sin Cara after Sheamus cleans house. Sheamus puts the period on this with a Brogue Kick to Ricardo.
    Side Note: At one point, it looked like Sin Cara tagged Sheamus, but Rey was allowed to come in.
    Was this a botch perhaps?

    EVE/BETH PHEONIX DEF LAYLA/ALICIA FOX – A throwaway tag, with Beth doing most of the work, Eve stealing the win with a neck-breaker, and Layla doing nothing but taking a shot to the face. After the match, Kaitlin comes out, on a crutch with a taped ankle. She says she got a hold of the security camera footage from NOC, and it shows her attacker. You can’t see her face, but you can tell she had blond hair. Eve points the finger at Beth and lays her out with the neck-breaker.

    BRODUS CLAY VS TENSAI – NO CONTEST – This match isn’t much more than trading head-butts and missing splashes until THE BIG SHOW makes his return to RAW. He walks down to the ring, clocks both men with the WMD, and just stands there until they play his music.

    SEGMENTS

    The show opens with Punk and Heyman in the ring, holding the show hostage. Punk sits while Heyman calls last week’s main event a great injustice, showing us footage of Cena getting the three-count on Punk while his foot was clearly on the ropes. Heyman calls out the referee from last week, referee Maddox. He demands an apology and that Maddox resigns on the spot. Maddox is happy to apologize but will not resign. Punk goes off on him.

    “HOW DO YOU WALK DOWN HERE AND PRETEND TO BE A MAN?”-C.M. Punk

    Punk calls him an inexperienced scab, and Heyman offers him a blindfold bearing both the NFL and WWE logos. During his rant, Punk calls AJ Lee an “idiot.”
    AJ Lee skips down to ringside. In the ring, she sends Maddox to the back. Paul assumes she is here to reverse last week’s decision.

    “When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me… but mostly you.” AJ Lee.

    AJ Lee tries to shut Punk down, but Punk responds with a demand for respect and a recap of AJ proposing to him last summer. If she agrees to forget about the match last week, he’ll forget about her sending him dirty texts and voice mails, and dares her to tell the audience about their torrid affair.

    “I’m the reason there’s a spring in your step!” – C.M. Punk

    Heyman steps in here with a MARRAGE PROPOSAL! He offers to make AJ the most powerful woman in WWE. He’ll come up with ideas and she can take the credit. AJ responds with a slap to his face.

    I gotta say, I was impressed with AJ here. She was sharing mike time w/two of the best in this business and more than held her own. She came off clever and strong, despite having the least dialogue.

    Backstage: Maddox thanks AJ for sticking up for him and apologizes to her as well. She makes it quite clear that if he messes up like that again he will NEVER work in this industry again. She goes into “evil mode” and accuses him of embarrassing her.

    After recapping the Kane/Bryan-Rhodes/Sandow issue on Smackdown, we go to a restaurant where Daniel Bryan is with his anger management therapist Dr. Shelby. The doc has arranged a role-play tonight where Kane is “Gerald” and he will be Daniel’s waiter for tonight. Kane goes into a monologue about pulling the beard off the cook’s face and deep frying it, sprinkling a little bit of it on every dish he’s served. After the bit, we’re told we can choose the official name for their tag team as part of RAW-active later tonight.

    At this point, I’m declaring this bit dead. They’ve dragged it out as long as they possibly can.

    Promo for the Susan Komen foundation and breast cancer awareness month

    Mick Foley is tonight’s special guest! He comes out to address the C.M. Punk issue. The C.M. Punk issue comes down to address Foley. In one of the best promo-duels I’ve ever heard, Foley tells Punk that he needs to disregard Heymans’s advice and think for himself, and he needs to face Cena in a Hell in the Cell match to cement his legacy. Punk takes a shot at the crowd and runs down his list of wins over Cena. He says the WWE universe turned on him, and he doesn’t need to risk his health/body/career for them. He’s held the title for over 300 days and will hold it longer. Foley held the title three times for a total of 29 days. Statistics don’t matter, it’s the moments that we show what we’re made of that counts.

    Back at the restaurant, Kane and Bryan agree they can never be friends, but they sure did like beating down men with chairs last Friday on Smackdown. Kane slams the table repeatedly to bring back the feeling. Bryan responds with a growing “YES!” chant. Once the reach the… conclusion, we cut to MAE YOUNG!

    “I’ll definitely have what they’re having.” – Mae Young.

    The next segment is the Jerry Lawler interview with Michael Cole. He is recuperating just fine but doesn’t even remember the match he wrestled last week. He woke up in the hospital thinking he was in Aruba with his girlfriend. He is leaving his return date up to the doctors.

    Back at the restaurant, Dr. Shelby has convinced Kane to try a salad, and Bryan to try a meatball, as part of an “understanding” exercise. Kane tries some lettuce and responds with a huge belch. Bryan seems to like the meatball at first, but soon winds up barfing in Dr. Shelby’s lap.

    We are given our choices for naming the team.
    #Team Teamwork
    #Team Hell No
    #Team Friendship

    After the break, Kane and Bryan are in the ring waiting the official selection…
    #Team Hell No

    While Bryan/Kane fight their confusion, Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow attack. They leave the champs lying and introduce themselves as “Team Rhodes-Scholars.”

    Recap: Heyman proposal to AJ
    Our Main Event of the evening; a John Cena Promo!

    Cena comes out to thank the WWE universe for their support of the Susan G. Komen foundation and Breast Cancer Awareness month. He apologizes for C.M. Punk’s lies and misrepresentations. Punk comes out to call Cena a lying politician. He gives Cena a choice; five seconds to leave the ring, or get hurt badly. Five seconds later, Cena nails Punk in the stomach with a lead pipe.

    Backstage, Punk staggers along the hall, passing Mick Foley. Punk walks back to kick him in the groin, and starts to walk off. He turns to give Foley a piece of his mind, and meets the stare of Ryback.

    All in all, pretty basic RAW, with the tease of a Ryback/Punk match up being the only “big” surprise.

  3. RYTMANS RAW REVIEW 09/03/12

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    MATCH RESULTS

    DOLPH ZIGGLER DEF. RANDY ORTON – Match ends with Ziggler charging Orton in the corner, Orton swings up, Ziggler hits the post, Orton tries a school-boy roll-up, Ziggler reverses it for a three-count, holding the trunks.
    SIN CARA/MYSTERIO DEF. TENSAI/CODY RHODES – Rey h0its the 619 on Cody but is outside the ring when he tags Sin Cara. Ref makes them re-tag and Cara hits a Swanton for three.
    C.M. PUNK (WWE CHAMPION) VS SHEAMUS (WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION) – Doesn’t happen; Punk in street clothes decides to take a personal day and leaves.
    SHEAMUS DEF. JACK SWAGGER – Sheamus wins with the Texas Clover leaf leg-lock. After the match, Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez attack Sheamus. Ricardo winds up taking a brogue-kick meant for Del Rio. He sells it so long I start to think he’s legit hurt.
    EVE DEF. KAITLYN – Eve wins with a neck-breaker. Match is booked to make Eve look like she’s playing nice until she gets an opening for a cheap shot.
    RYBACK DEF. JINDER MAHAL – Ryback scores the pin with the meat-hook.
    KANE & DANIEL BRYAN “HUG OUT” – So, after a series of “anger management” sketches, Bryan and Kane agree to meet in the ring. General Manager AJ lets us decide their fate via “Twitter poll.” The WWE universe votes for them to “hug it out.” Meaning they have to hug each other.
    They have to hug each other.
    Yeah
    After stalling a good few minutes, Bryan eventually hugs Kane. Kane eventually hugs Bryan. They eventually hug each other. Then they start shoving each other. Then they start fighting. It ends with Bryan knocking Kane off the top rope with a chair.
    U.S. CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: ANTONIO CESARO (U.S. CHAMPION) DEF. SANTINO MORELLA – Santino spends the entire match trying to make up his mind about using the cobra. Cesaro finishes this farce with his pile-driver variation.
    ZACK RYDER DEF. HEATH SLATER – Ryder wins with the rough-rider.
    ALBERTO DEL RIO DEF. JOHN CENA: FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE – A scary brawl that actually spilled out all the way to backstage. Cena throws Del Rio through the interview area and gives him the AA. Alberto lands on a luggage container and C.M. PUNK hits Cena with a kick to the head out of nowhere. Punk pulls Del Rio on Cena for a three-count, and then Cena takes a GTS face first onto Punk’s car. As the car drives off, PAUL HEYMAN looks out the window and winces.
    THE GOOD
     • THE FINISH – The main event was actually exciting. Nice to see people who understand what “falls count anywhere” means. Punk getting Del Rio a win over Cena was the right way to get people hyped for the PPV. Paul Heymans cameo as Punks driver got me excited. I am marking out big-time for the possibility of him teaming up with Punk.
    • ANGER MANAGEMENT – As stupid as these bits are, at least Kane and Bryan have made them watchable. Funny moment was when they both bailed on “Harold;” during a trust fall exercise, and the “doctor” losing his patients with his patients.
     THE BAD

    Oh God, where to begin?
    • COMMENTARY – Intercontinental champion The Miz joined the commentary team tonight. It was weird. Miz and Michael Cole seemed to be taking turns playing face. Oddly enough, Cole seemed to be working as the face announcer most of the night. It was kind of confusing. When Divas Champ Layla came out to join them for the Kaitlin/Eve match, Miz jumped all over her. They got into a Jerry Springer like shouting match with Cole desperately playing ref, with NO-ONE playing attention to the match.
    • EVE VS KAITLIN – Actually decent; but BURIED by Miz and Layla bitching each other out. Also, Eve gets the win and makes a big show of offering Layla a handshake. You can see their feud coming a mile away, so what’s the point of making Kaitlin #1 contender if you want to do an Eve/Layla program? Why didn’t they just make Eve #1 contender?
    • THE HUG – Screw you WWE universe. You’re buying into the WWE BS and voting for what they want you to vote for. You are getting the show you deserve.
    THE UGLY
    • AJ – Sweet mother, can we pull the plug on this experiment already? This whole night seemed to be more about AJ losing control than anything else. From people walking out on her to the breakdown in the ring, it’s like WWE wanted to make some point about any woman NOT named McMahon being in charge. Unless they’re setting up a Zach Ryder sized de-push, they need to have AJ quit this job and reactivate her as an active roster member so she can kill Vicki.
    • VICKI AND “INVISIBLE” AJ – Just stop. Please just stop. Wrestling doesn’t do topical humor. Wrestling doesn’t need to do topical humor. For those playing along at home, Clint Eastwood was a guest speaker at the Republican National Convention last week, and did a “bit” with an empty chair representing Barack Obama. Vicki decided to pick up on this and do the same thing with AJ. It wasn’t funny. It wasn’t even relevant to the show, because AJ showed up.
    • SANTINO’S “COBRA” – George Steel Is face palming this crap.

    RYTMANS RANT

    WHY ARE WE BOOKING THIS GODDMN SHOW?!?
    Seriously, what is the deal with the twitter polls? Why not just let us book the whole damn show via twitter? AND WHY WOULD WE VOTE FOR A HUG!? AND WHY DID WE!?!?!?
    I just…..
    Ugh.