TNA Impact Thanksgiving Edition
Leave a CommentI had bacon sandwiches for lunch today. No turkey for me.
I had bacon sandwiches for lunch today. No turkey for me.
I’m pretty damn sleep deprived and this probably won’t get read on the air. Guess we could be in for a legit lazy review. It never is.
Here’s how this is going to work; I’m a professional writer, sure, and you can buy my book on Amazon. No, seriously, you can, it’s called Tulips and Other Stories and it costs less than the coffee you’ll drink while reading it. However it’s been a while since I reviewed wrasslin. I’m also going to take some creative liberty, though not too much this time as there wasn’t much of a chance to. I’ll give you the correct results, but I’ll more than likely throw in some jokes and shenanigans. If you want play by play, call a professional.
I was going to insert a link to my book here but felt that would be too cheap. Enjoy a random picture of a tulip instead.
We start off the show as Impact usually does now with a “previously on Impact” segment. They actually made the appletini shots look good but no amount of editing can make that hammer shot look good.
We get Bully on the phone to a mysterious stranger called Brook and he’s with Tito Ortiz. Seeing how Brook Hogan has been released from Hogan’s family dungeon and Brook Orndorf is in legal trouble, it’s not hard to guess which brook it is. Bully and Tito meet up with Mr Anderson and they tease some dissension between Bully and Anderson. Apparently Bully hasn’t been returning Anderson’s calls and texts. To be fair though he has been calling his woman. I hate Anderson but I have to admit I’ve liked him in his role as the VP of Aces and Eights so I think I’ll actually be a little sad to see that relationship end.
Bully’s probably still a bit annoyed from when this happened.
The Bad Influence, plus Bobby Rooooooooooooooooooo(de) come out to start the show properly. Roode begins by congratulating Bully Ray on becoming a two time champion. Does it really count as a second run when he lost the title for such a short amount of time? Roode says that Bully has found a way to screw the system again, and found a new friend. I thought he would say he’s found a new Brook to screw too. Roode says that Bully is the man with a target on his back and he’s looking at the three men who’ll do anything to get the title. One of their trio is going to be the new world heavyweight champion whether we, or maybe Bully Ray, like it or not. He says that he literally set the table and leap frogged his way into second place and hands the mic to Kazarian.
Kaz reminds us of the match he won and refers to himself as a handsome devil. Dude has a point. He looked better with long hair though. Daniels says the Extraordinary Gentlemen’s Organisation is two for two and tonight he’s going to make it three. I guess this team has a name and Daniels has a rear that makes the girls cheer and is the best street fighter in TNA. Ken and Ryu would argue but they’re too busy touring Japan after being released to pay for Hogan’s contract.
If these two hadn’t been released to pay Hogan’s contract we would have had a run in.
Roode says that the Extraordinary Gentleman’s Organisation is 25% of the BFG series and asks why be 25% when you can be a third. I’ll tell you why. It’s because 25% is a quarter. Roode does know this though and says that they need to add one more member to the group. Roode says that one man is none other than you. I got scared because he was looking directly at the camera and I have no in ring experience but he meant Austin Aries. As Roode is trying to recruit Aries he’s interrupted by Gunner and James Storm. Wait, these guys are the tag team champions? I legitimately forgot that. Storm says that that Bad Influence can’t trust Roode and neither can Aries. He says “Sorry…” and the crowd finish off his little catchphrase for him. Can he be any lazier? Roode calls him jealous and Storm counters by saying he’s only jealous of a guy who has a six pack and only has two beers left. I’m jealous of people who don’t have to pause this show every five seconds to keep up with what the crazy drunken redneck is saying.
Storm says he always tells people what he’s going to do and threatens to strip and drink his beer. Then he’s going to punch Roode in the mouth. He goes in the corner and starts stripping as he threatened and Roode tells him he doesn’t want to do it and doesn’t have the guts. Thankfully Storm stops at taking his shirt off and punches Roode in the mouth and finally the talking ends.
Impromptu match up between Who Knows and Those Other Guys.
We’ve got Roode and Kaz against Storm and Gunner. Why would we get that pairing when Kaz’s partner is Daniels? This question was answered later in the show as Daniels was part f the table match. If I’d been paying more attention I’d have realised he also said this in his promo before the match.
There’s a nice double team move by the redneck and his bearded friend before the ad break. When we come back Bobby Roode is beating the tar out of Gunner in the corner. Gunner mounts some offence but it’s quickly stopped. What’s not stopped is the shilling of Jeff Hardy’s app. Kaz gets in the ring when I’m not paying attention and wastes Gunner with a spinning heel kick. I always enjoy seeing that move done by a heel. Roode tags in and starts beating down Gunner himself. Kaz tags in and gets a two count and insults Gunner and slaps him around but Gunner gets in a sick looking back breaker before getting the hot tag. Roode and Storm are in the ring and I’m reminded of when this was a good feud we wanted to see. Storm takes out Roode and drops the elbow from the top rope but Kaz breaks up the count. Gunner breaks Kaz’s back on the outside so the two men in jeans can get back to it. Storm went for the Last Call and almost hits the ref. He turns around and nails Kaz with it instead before Roode goes for the Orton Special. That’s a low blow. Roode wins! The highlight of this match? Storm actually managing to get his leg up for the Last Call when wearing jeans.
Aries is backstage and says that The Extraordinary Gentlemen (damn I love saying that) are giving him mixed messages. This week they asked him to join their little club but last week they cost him 20 points in his match. There’s strength in numbers but there’s also something to be said for trusting the people you’re with. He says he has a lot to think about but he should have his answer by the end of the night.
We’re taken back to last Thursday and I would have fast forwarded but the replay was done by the time I finished writing this. We’re getting a Chris Sabin update though tonight at Hardcore Justice. Wait, Hardcore Justice? Wasn’t that last week? Is this Hardcore Justice 1.50?
Sonjay Dutt vs Manik
Sonjay Dutt comes out for a match in a non-title match with Manik. It’s Kinam backwards! I’m not sure what that has to do with anything though. Sonjay tries to attack him before the match starts but gets tossed back into the ring. Manik does a nice little submission move and Dutt turns it into a pin and delivers a hurricanrana. See, I know how to spell it! Speaking of turning, I’m so glad TNA turned back the triple threat rule and we’re getting one on one x-division matches. Dutt locks in his own submission move after a nice standing moonsault and Kinam reverses it into a pin which Dutt kicks out of. Dutt locks in ANOTHER submission move and I find myself thinking that rest holds are an integral part of the X-Division.
It does allow for a bit of chain wrestling though which ends with Dutt on the floor and Kinam does a very nice looking springboard dropkick and gets a two count. TJ Perkins gets a sit out Powerbomb in for a two count and Sonjay puts #Boots2Faces and gets another two count. Sonjay misses a moonsault and goes for a head scissors but Perkins counters it with his unnamed finisher for the win. I think it’s still unnamed. Taz correctly calls a move too. I’d say more about this match but it’s hard enough to take notes on a regular match when I can’t immediately press pause. Try doing it with a fast paced match and it’s not fun.
This cat probably couldn’t make it in the X-Division. I couldn’t find any Manik gifs, and cats are always related.
Backstage Aces and Eights are in a meeting without their leader Bully Ray. Devon asks Anderson if he’s talked to Bully and Anderson says Bully said they need to focus on business. Devon says that they’re focused and Anderson says after tonight it’s going to go from five on four to five on three. They all testify to that. Testifying is now drinking. If that’s testifying maybe I should start going back to church.
Hernandez vs Joseph Park vs Jay Bradley vs Christopher Daniels in a Street Fight
Hernandez comes out before the break for a street fight and after the break we’re backstage with the main event mafia. Screw that, there’s a match on! Getting back to that match, Daniels comes out after Jay Bradley doesn’t get an entrance. Joseph Park comes out next. Joseph Park, Jay Bradley, Hernandez and Christopher Daniels…guess who’s winning this! Things start out as four ways usually do with the four guys turning it into two separate one on one matches with Bradley going after Park and Hernandez keeping Daniels trapped in the corner. Bradley goes after Hernandez and gets sent outside and Daniels went for the rollup on Hernandez. He gets a one count followed by a two count and eats a backbreaker for his troubles. Speaking of broken backs, it’s a chair shot by Bradley!
Taz struggles to say “weaponry” as Hernandez gets his neck broken by Bradley. Kurt Angle would cut a promo about wrestling with a broken freakin neck but he’s too busy taking care of his broken freakin liver which, unlike a broken neck, prevents him from wrestling. Park inadvertently hits an elbow on Bradley, who is sent out of the ring by Hernandez. Hernandez and Park scuffle before double teaming Daniels and sending him into Hernandez. We go to break with Hernandez and Park standing strong and come back to see Daniels about to unleash a kendo stick (it’s a Singapore cane dammit!) on Hernandez. Hernandez counters, hits Daniels with the stickcane and drops him on the ramp. Inside the ring Bradley and Park fight and I notice Kaz standing outside the ring. Wait what? When did that happen?
Bradley goes for the chair shot to the head which meant that Park was obviously going to counter. He does counter and goes for the Boston Crab but releases it when Kaz distracts him. Park goes out the ring and gets his ass handed to him by Kaz and a suddenly appearing Roode who also take out EY. Bradley and Daniels exchange moves and it ends with Daniels taking a low blow and a chair shot to the back. Two chair shots technically as he’s dropped on the chair. Bradley goes for the Boomstick elbow but Roode and Kaz pull him outside and beat him down and Hernandez jumps over the ring ropes just like he jumped over the border. Hernandez goes for his finisher, affectionately called The Border Toss but Aries interferes. He acts like he’s joining the Extraordinary Gentleman and gives Daniels a Brainbuster to huge “yes!” chants.
Back inside the ring Bradley pulls out the brass knuckles and makes Park bleed. Park takes out Hernandez and picks up the win on Bradley with the Black Hole Slam. I’m reminded how much I now look like Joseph Park thanks to my short hair. Damn. I’m also reminded of my terrible prediction that Daniels would win this match. Post match EY makes his way into the ring slowly and celebrates with Park as Park snaps back to reality. Joseph Park picks up 20 points but I still don’t think he has any chance of winning anything.
If this guy wasn’t too busy casting the TV Title back in the fires of Mount Doom from whence it came, he could probably win something.
Another backstage segment with the Main Event Mafia. We have sound this time though. Sting runs down how badly they were beaten last week and Rampage says when he sees Tito he’s going to break his face. Sting says no one is going to step up and Magnus says it doesn’t matter. They are the elite and they’ll step up and Joe says that he’s right and that they have everything they need to win right here. He’s referring to his fists. Ooooh, scary.
Video package time! It’s covering the relationship of Brook (Hogan) and Bully Ray. I don’t really need to be reminded of this, but it does set up the next segment pretty nicely.
Bully Ray comes out and talks to Taz a little and Tito is now his Toto. I sure hope Toto was a girl or that won’t work. That’s the dog Toto, not the guys who sang Africa. Bully asks the audience how it feels to have the wool pulled over their eyes again, and how it feels to be suckered by him, again. Then he says he has one question for everyone. This after he’s already asked two. He asks us if we know who he is and given the record TNA have for promoting themselves and their talent, my guess is a large majority if this audience doesn’t actually know who he is. Bully agrees with me and says he doesn’t accept Sabin’s championship run. Everything is right in TNA and Bully Ray has a new best friend. He asks if we know who Tito is and actually, I didn’t. I had absolutely no idea who Tito Ortiz was when he came out the first time. Tito cuts a promo and says that he’ll beat Rampage again on November 2nd. They’re fighting on November 2nd? I thought it was in September. That’s just how good a job they’re doing hyping this fight. I actually forgot when it was.
Bully says he’s going to expose the secret him and his woman have been hiding. He calls for Brook and Brook Hogan’s music hits. I get scared but she doesn’t come out. Instead it’s the other Brook. It’s Brook Tessmacher! Speaking of exposing Brook Tessmacher, I feel the need to contribute to the Nipples For Jorge campaign. Last week Jorge put out a call for any of the Bored Wrestling Fan listeners to send him pictures of their nipples. All Jorge has to do is go to Dailymotion, turn off the adult filter, and search for Brook Adams. That’s Brook Tessmachers real name and before she got into wrestling she was a topless model. Thank me later Jorge. Just wash your hand before you shake mine.
Brook and Bully make out and the crowd boos. My guess is because they weren’t making out with Brook. Bully says now he has “the hot” Brook, Tito, and Taz for some reason, he can’t be stopped. There’s only one thing left to do and that’s for Brook to bite his wedding ring off and spit it on the floor. Bully Ray is done and now it’s time for the other knockouts.
I can’t remember how the fans reacted when this happened but it does feature other knockouts.
Gail Kim vs ODB
It’s Gail Kim and ODB, complete with a new brassiere. They tie up a few times and ODB overpowers Gail and knocks her on her ass thanks to the power of…well, her ass. ODB hits a Bronco Buster, a shoulder charge and a fallaway slam. Gail runs off and gets in a flying arm bar and works on the injured arm. Her arm got injured that quickly? Is ODB Sin Cara? Wait, wrong promotion. Tenay manages to say Fightmaster about ten times in five seconds while Gail goes back to beating ODB down. Gail gets hit by a low blow and Taz, even though he was cut off by Tenay, raises a good point. That hurt Gail? I get that would still hurt but it’s not really something you see much in wrasslin. ODB smashes Gail’s face into the turnbuckle and simulates how Jorge got herpes. Gail climbs to the top rope but ODB stops her and hits the Superplex for a two count. Gail gets the three count with a Crucifix pin.
Turns out this wasn’t the first time Gail Kim got a taste of ODB.
Up next, Main Event Mafia against Aces and Eights!
…Right after this Bound For Glory video package.
…and this backstage segment involving Austin Aries. He said everything is cool and that the Extraordinary Gentleman asked him a question and he gave them an answer. Aries says he doesn’t need any help to win except for his God given ability.
…and now Tenay is promoting the triumphant return of Hulk Hogan, next week. Last week he was meeting with Spike officials and this week he’s meeting with lawyers. He sure got to that other meeting fast. Taz says something isn’t right and he’s right. If some other schmuck booked a meeting during a taping they’d probably get chewed out by Hogan.
Still no main event! Instead it’s post match comments by Chris Sabin. I tried to make a note of what he said but I was just way too tired. I did catch him saying that Aces and Eights are a cancer and he’ll be back.
Before we finally get our main event there’s a quick shilling of Five Hour Energy. I’m learning why they’re sponsored by Five Hour Energy now. If you watch TNA as closely as I have, you need some of that. I don’t care if it gives me a heart attack, one way or another I’d make it through the show.
Thankfully there was no fine for screaming
Aces And Eights vs Main Event Mafia in a Loser Leaves TNA match
Aces and Eights come out and they’re followed by the Main Event Mafia. Guess we’re finally starting this match. Right after the commercial break! Being tired doesn’t have much to do with TNA being a bad show, as it’s actually been pretty good, but damn they really insist on dragging this out.
Mr Anderson has a microphone and calls out Bully Ray and I pretty much shout obscenities at my computer until someone finally starts fighting. Bully does come out and sits on the ramp and Brook sits on his knee. Anderson says because there’s only four Mafia guys and five Aces and Eights that one of the Mafia should just lay down and allow themselves to be pinned. Stings says that no member of the family is going to lay down and they’re going to go out fighting. “Well then start bloody fighting!” I shout at my screen as more music hits. It’s AJ styles. He’s going to be the fifth guy for Main Event Mafia? He took his shirt off and his face music hit, so I guess he’s a face again too.
The match FINALLY STARTS! There’s an all out brawl to start including AJ taking it to Anderson outside the ring. AJ and Anderson take their match into the ring and AJ lays out Anderson with a dropkick before Magnus lays out Faceless Lackey Number One. Taz informs me it’s Wes Brisco and I genuinely forgot his name. Joe is tagged in and punches Brisco’s face off. He then kicks off any of Brisco’s remaining face with a pele kick. Brisco finally tags out and brings in Faceless Lackey Number Two. They say it’s Garret Bischoff but it isn’t. If you look closely it’s very obvious that it’s Brodus Clay. He just wears a fat suit when he wrestles for WWE. Break time! We come back to Aces and Eights controlling the match and Magnus in the process. Faceless Lackey Number Three, also known as Knux, is the legal man. Magnus knocks some of the Aces and Eights off the apron but they just hop back up and his beatdown continues thanks to Devon. Brodus Clay is tagged in and Magnus starts his comeback but is dropped by the “triple tough” Funkasaurus. Brisco comes in but doesn’t stay in long as Anderson comes in instead. Magnus catches Anderson but he rakes the eyes to get out and tags Devon in. Devon hits a leg drop and mocks JT Hogan. JT Hogan would interfere but he was too busy meeting Hulk Hogan’s lawyers in a gimmick infringement case.
Knux is back in the ring and the plucky Brit gets a nice reminder of why you have to be American to make it in the North American wrestling business. Magnus hits a DDT and manages to tag in Sting. He hits two Stinger Splashes and then everyone runs into the ring and we have ourselves a brawl. Rampage is left in the ring and he lays out all of Aces and Eights with clotheslines except for Brisco who gets planted. Knux knocks Rampage out the ring and gets dropped by Sting but Devon breaks up the Scorpion Death Lock and lays Knux on top of the prone Sting for a two count. Devon comes in and beats down Sting in the corner and misses wildly with a diving headbutt. Tenay says Sting moved just out the way but I think he could have stayed where he was and still dodged it.
AJ is tagged in and he knocks Aces and Eights off the apron and gets a two count on Devon. Anderson gets in some cheap shots and we have ANOTHER brawl. AJ hits a pele kick and eats a spear and then hits a Styles Clash on Devon for the win. Aces and Eights lose and it seems Devon is out of a job. I don’t think he really is though. Didn’t he recently sign a new contract? Well he signed one just before he joined Aces and Eights anyway. This stuff has lasted so long I have no clue when that was.
Post match Bully comes down to the ring with a hammer but doesn’t actually enter the ring as the Main Event Mafia mock Devon and the rest of the Aces and Eights. Tenay gets in one last Fightmaster plug and the show goes off the air.
Christopher Daniels with a dramatic recreation of the end of the main event.
My thoughts? Despite some mild complaints this was a pretty good show. I was tired from a lack of sleeping and walking two miles home from a job interview and the show didn’t actually feel like it dragged much except for the end when there were about four or five segments between the announcement the main event was up next, and when it actually happened. Overall it was a pretty good show I have to say. I also took way too many notes as this was about three and a half thousand words. I thought this was too much and then I put the last RAW review through a word counter and it came out at about the same actually. Guess I didn’t take too many notes after all.
We begin with a video recap of the Claire & AJ and Aces & 8’s storylines.
Bully Ray heads down to the ring and pulls out his ‘Twittah machine.’ He bullie’s for a mic and asks if we know who he is. He announces that he’s the leader of the Bully Nation. He says Joseph Park taught him that if there’s enough evidence against someone, then they’re guilty. He says Storm is guilty of being involved with Aces & 8’s and tonight he will beat Storm and get his 7 points in the BFG Series. (Whatever did happen to the Joseph Parks, Bully Ray confrontation?)
Storm’s comes out.
Storm says had nothing to do with the attacks because he is more concerned with winning his title back. He draws an imaginary line in the ring and says he will give Bully to the count of 3 to do something. Bully backs out onto the apron.
They are interrupted by the masked men on the big screen and their voices have been distorted. They say they are impressed with The Insane Icon issuing them an open invitation but they are going to do it on their time.
Bully gets in the ring and accuses Storm again. They cut him off to a sudden commercial.
They re-play the Aces & 8’s video from moments ago.
Backstage, The Pope talks about his BFG Series match at Hardcore Justice 2012 this Sunday. The Pope hasn’t actually been pimping anything but the mat since his return to iMPACT and I watched The Dark Knight Rises and didn’t remember seeing him during the prison break scene.
Mr. Anderson comes out to do commentary
.
RVD vs. Magnus
Magnus clotheslines RVD over the top. Magnus follows and puts the boots to him. Magnus throws him back in and gets 2. Magnus catches RVD and slams him for another 2. RVD hits a kick to the head and springs off the ropes for another kick to the head. RVD hits a Superkick but is caught with a clothesline in the corner.
RVD hits a 5 Star Frogsplash for the win. There goes Magnus’s claim to the series and whatever came of his Xplosion championship stipulation where he can challenge the champion of any division for a title. Somebody please remember this.
7 points RVD
Bobby Roode talks backstage with Jason Hervey, and his lawyers aren’t happy with the contract so there may not be a main event at Hardcore Justice. So wouldn’t this make A Double happy seeing as how he is the Champion?
Sore Loser! and I win!!!
-Claire’s baby shower from last week
TNA Tag Team Championship: Garett Bischoff & Devon vs. Kazarian & Daniels (c)
Devon starts off with Kaz and quickly tags Garett. Kaz tags Daniels in and Garett gets 2. Devon tags back in and drops a big leg for 2. Garett tags back in and they double team Daniels. Kazarian distracts Garett from the apron and Daniels capitalizes. Kazarian tags in and gets 2. More quick tags from the champs.
Garett manages a tag to Devon who cleans house. Devon hits a Rock Bottom on Kazarian and tosses Daniels out. Devon hits a spear on Kaz and a spinebuster on Daniels. Kaz uses the belt behind the ref’s back and Daniels gets the pin.
*This is one of those matches where my dad (who looks strikingly like Devon) was watching as Daniels was struggling with Garett and looked at me and said why are we watching this its so fake. And I responded its not Devon, Daniels or Kaz’s fault blame Garett. He was still not impressed.
Winners by pin and STILL TNA Tag Team Champions: Daniels & Kazarian
-video of Sting and Brooke’s meeting from last week
Sting calls out Aces & 8’s and says he has given Brooke the night off.
Robbie E. and Robbie T. are in the ring, there is a table set-up. Robbie E. says he knows nobody thinks he’s going to win the BFG Series but he has 5 points, bro. He says he will win another 20 this Sunday, bro. He says he will do it by putting Jeff Hardy through a table. He shows footage from 3 weeks ago where he beat Hardy. Hardy’s music erupts.
Hardy gets in the ring and drops Robbie T. Robbie E. tries to back-off but Hardy slaps him and tries to put him through the table but Robbie T. attacks him from behind and powerbombs him through the table.
Backstage, AJ says he doesn’t remember anything with Claire. He says he doesn’t drink and how bad at sex does someone have to be to not remember being with them?
Samoa Joe grabs a headset and says nobody is going to stop him from winning the BFG series
Claire is at ringside again and cheers AJ as he makes his way to the ring.
BFG Series: Kurt Angle vs. AJ Styles
Angle gets drilled with a dropkick and goes outside. AJ slingshots over the top with a crossbody.
Kurt powers AJ into the corner and hits a belly-to-belly as Claire looks-on. Angle applies a headlock. AJ fights out but Angle hits a Tilt-A-Whirl backbreaker and back to the headlock. Both men connect with simultaneous clotheslines. AJ gets the offense on the way up off the mat. Angle rebounds and hits a trifecta of Germans.
AJ counters the Angle Slam and connects with the Pele but Angle gets his shoulder up at the last second. Angle counters the Styles Clash and hits the Angle Slam for 2. AJ gets out of the Angle Lock and hits a German but Angle counters out and applies the Lock again but AJ rolls through. AJ springs off the apron and hits a flying forearm and the Styles Clash but somehow Angle kicks out.
AJ goes up top but Angle brings him down with a belly-to-belly but AJ kicks out. Angle misses with a moonsault off the ropes in the corner. AJ goes up top for a 450 but Angle gets his knees up and hits the Angle Slam.
7 points Kurt Angle
Claire congratulates AJ on his way up the ramp but he keeps walking and we get a close-up of her confused face.
Aces & 8’s are playing cards. They rundown who all has received the dead man’s hand from them. They say the next target is close and we will all find out who the next victim is.
Storm and Anderson accuse each other backstage of being behind it all.
Aries is on the phone backstage talking about Roode threatening not to sign the contract.
Gail Kim vs. Miss Tessmacher
They go right at it before the bell rings. Kim drops Tessmacher’s throat across the top rope. Gail drops her across her knee and gets 2. Gail steps on Tessmacher’s stomach. Tessmacher mounts a comeback but is shutdown.
Tessmacher hits a flurry and a clothesline off the corner. She does a Stinkface. Tessmacher brings Gail off the top and hits a facebuster for the win.
Winner by pin: Miss Tessmacher
Earl Hebner raises Tessmacher’s arm and they talk. Madison Rayne comes out and she kisses Hebner and he falls out.
Joseph Park talks.
Aries and Roode make their way to the Impact Zone.
They show Kenny King’s win over Zema Ion from last week
Kenny King video package
Sting makes his way to the ring. A table is set-up. Sting invites Aces & 8’s to the ring. He moves on and invites Roode and Aries to the ring.
Aries displays his title and takes a seat. Roode refuses to sit down and Sting asks him what is up with his attitude. Roode asks if Sting’s stupid. He says the contract is his problem. He says the contract states that if he loses to Aries then he doesn’t get a rematch as long as Aries is champ. Roode says Sting has it out for him. Roode says if the language doesn’t change, there will be no main event this Sunday.
Aries tells him to stop whining. He says he’s worried about a rematch clause because he knows Aries has his number. Aries says they don’t need a contract, they can make a verbal agreement. He proposes that if Roode beats him then he will also forfeit his rematch clause. Sting tells them to shake on it. Each man shakes hands with Sting.
Roode takes off his coat and starts throwing things and Aries comically mocks his temper and shadows him. Roode offers his hand and Aries shakes it. Aries raises the belt and Roode throws water in his face and runs away. Aries turns the table over but Sting holds him back.
Storm and Bully make their way to the Impact Zone.
-Backstage in an interview package, Chavo says he’s here to beat the best. Kid Kash says Chavo’s a cheater.
-Kash & Gunner will face Chavo & Hernandez this Sunday at Hardcore Justice.
-Kenny King will face Zema Ion for the TNA X-Division Title.
-Miss Tessmacher will face Madison Rayne for the Knockouts Title
–BFGFalls Count Anywhere Match for 20 points: RVD, Anderson, Pope, Magnus
–BFGTables Match for 20 points: Hardy, Storm, Bully, Robbie E.
–BFG Ladder Match for 20 points: Styles, Angle, Daniels, Samoa Joe
BFG Series: Bully Ray vs. James Storm
Both men look behind them for Aces & 8’s. Storm hits clotheslines but is unable to take Bully off his feet. Bully hits a big boot and knocks Storm down then tosses him out.
Storm avoids an elbowdrop on the mat. Bully Ray catches him with a boot to the gut and applies a leg lock. Storm reverses it and Bully reaches the ropes. Bully hits a clothesline for 2. Bully hits punches to the head. Storm mounts a comeback with a series of rights and a neckbreaker. Back bodydrop by Storm. Bully launches Storm onto the apron but gets a kick to the back of the head. Bully hits a Rock Bottom for 2.
Storm fights out of a full nelson and goes up top for a cross body and gets 2. Storm comes off the top and misses with an elbowdrop. Bully hits the Bubba Bomb and gets 2. Bully misses with a back-splash off the top. Storm hits a Codebreaker but Bully avoids the Last Call. Bully hits the Bully 3D Cutter for the win.
7 points Bully Ray
Bully grabs his chain in anticipation of Aces & 8’s. He asks Storm where they are. He says send for them.
Aces & 8’s appear on the screen and they tell Bully he will see more of them at the PPV.
Pintnoir out!
Impact recaps Aces and 8’s attack on HH and Sting.
(more…)
We open with a recap of Austin Aries presenting Hogan with Option C which is then followed up with the Claire Lynch saga. AH TNA my bi-polar enjoyment.
That says it all
Roode comes out. The cocky heel is eladed that in one week he will be the longest reigning TNA World Champion in the history of the company. He wants to throw a bash. So he calls out Hogan and gives him his list of demands
What got me was Canadian confetti, where champions are made. I couldn’t stop laughing. Hogan playing the face GM tears up his demands and tells him that he will defend the title on Open Fight Night. So Hogan sets up some matches for tonight, Bully Ray vs RVD, Jeff Hardy vs Mr. Anderson, Samoa Joe vs Angle and a Battle Royal. After all that Hogan will pick the challenger for next week.
That is a whole lot of matches for just one contender but Hogan is the face GM and impartial.
First up is Bully Ray vs RVD which should make everyone nostalgic for ECW but that would be the wrong company. Bully Ray takes on Van Dam’s injured parts and pulls out a victory. I have a feeling one day that they will put the belt on Bully Ray and I would be fine with that.
King Mo is coming to TNA and I’m late on that but yeah I saw the video and thought okay I could see that once he’s done healing his knee. Then I went online and saw that Brooke Hogan would be in charge of the knockouts in a backstage compacity? Because she has been involved in the business for ever like Garett so automatically she is given a job that would put her on TV more which since her dad has been on TNA she has made numerous blink and miss em appearances. But now she is directing the knockouts?! Where is Dutch (Mantel) when you need him.
End rant. The mystery of who is Madison’s suitor is now on the mind of creative. She bails on Gail as she follows the scent of love. Then the Hooter’s girl and the would be porn star (had she not tried wrestling) Ms Tessmacher (former) and Velvet Sky (latter) confront Mrs (Recently got married and can’t remember the guys name) Gail and tell her she will be losing the title tonight. Yeah she should be so shaking in her boots.
Then we have the Battle Royal, Austin Aries, AJ Styles, Gunner, Crimson, Eric Young, Garett Bishoff, Devon, Magnus, The Two Robbies and ODB?! Make their way to the ring in what must surely be a farce. Crimson goes out with EY and ODB who clothesline him so hard that all THREE go out! So now Crimson is feuding with EY and ODB, Rob E takes out his partner Rob T before being thrown out by Devon who is soon taken out by Garett who he in turn is taken out by AJ. AJ, Gunner and Aries are left. Gunner throws out Aries but is taken out by AJ with a Samoan Drop. AJ wins as Madison during the course of the match is making Googley eyes at someone in the match. Money’s on Crimson. Because then it can be a mixxed tag team feud for the KO tag belts no one wants. YEAH! everyone’s a winner.
AJ secret tryst with Dixie is furthered along when Daniels brings out some video of her and Styles going to a Hotel/Motel. I love heel Daniels and his “Bob Van Dam” name calling.
Oh and Jeff Hardy beat Anderson. Highlights from past TNA PPV play Lockdown 2008, Genesis 2006 and so on.
Gail beats Velvet and Tessmacher after Velvet hit “In your face” on Tessmacher but Kim stole the pin.
Joe vs Angle, a good match but not up to par with Genesis 2006 Angle wins.
Roode comes out to close the show while all the winners come out like lions circling a Gazelle.
Next Week Open Fight Night, and a special announcement.
Spoiler: iMPACT WRESTLING goes live on throughout the summer.
So we had a lackluster Lockdown 2012 ending with Roode retaining in the flukest way possible. Now we have the champion gloating about his win, but wait we have Mr. Anderson who stilled PO’ed about the beer bottle win from a few weeks back. New Challenger? Well then we get Jeff Hardy who seems to be wanting his turn now that Kurt Angle is out of the picture in another ridiculous feud that started over Hardy having hair and Kurt not.
Hulk Hogan announces that he wants all the champions in the ring. And makes a match for the number one contendership. That fake laughing Hogan.
Tag match involving the other disappointment of the night Matt Morgan and Crimson who are now involved in a tag match against each other. With Bully Ray and Aries thrown to compress the feud.
Ray wins after pulling the tights of Aries. If that wasn’t bad enough here comes Garett Bischoff.
Jeff Hardy talks about how kurt is to blame for his not having the title. Because you know it wasn’t drugs or nothing. Yeah here comes Garett.
Oh wait he has brought out the heavy lifters of the match, AJ, RVD and Anderson. He talks. I fast forward.
And then Flair comes out to talk bout a going away party for a man that shouldn’t be on my TV. Because him and Bischoff are friends what bio did I read where he talks about the disdain that he has for that man?
OH Yeah!
Dangling plot threads abound about AJ Styles, Kazarian and Daniels, will we get are answers probably not but I like Daniels and that non funny Armenian bastard named Kazarian.
AJ and Kurt have a match that is of course nothing short an excellent example of wrestling when Daniels/Kazarian hand Styles the dreaded envelope which distracts AJ long enough for Kurt to get the pin.
Abyss’s brother corners Gunner. And because Gunner’s no snitch he walks away only to have Mr. Park threaten him with legal action. Well the no snitching policy evaporates in the face of jail time. Gunner finally directs Mr. Park toward Bully Ray. Because Park doesn’t watch TNA PPV’s.
All the champions come out. To await on Hogan’s announcement. But before that we have some backstage talk with the new king of sex tapes Hogan wanting to make Hardy vs Anderson a three way and convincing RVD about taking the sweet spot. More pimping of RVD is surely on the way.
OPen Fight Night is announced. New talent will be put in the ring against anyone of thier choosing including the champions. IF they impress Hogan and his panel of judges then they get a contract. This is of course in conjuction with the Gut Check Challenge which has been around for a while. But now it will be televised. Oh and Devon will defend the TV title every week.
Team Gail (Madison, The Sitas and of course Gail) vs Team TNT(Velvet, Mickie and of course TNT) hey at least the Sarita is involved in an actual wrestling match. Well Brooke Tessmacher pins Gail setting up filler for Gail vs (shudder) Velvet which may or may not happen at Slammiversary.
Here comes Devon to defend his title against Gunner. FF because well…Gunner. Devon wins and I testify to that.
James Storm has doubts about his future after not beating Roode. Leaves the ring. I feel for him and I’m sorry about his Damn luck.
So yeah RVD beat Anderson and Hardy to become the number 1 contender for the title. After being gone for how long?
Well here’s to another transition for Impact Wrestling and to Open Fight Night. I’m actually interested in what happens next week which hasn[t been the case for a long time.
So TNA has their Lockdown PPV this Sunday. Do I care? No, not really. Here’s the deal, I got virtually 45 minutes of sleep last night, and have been up since 5:30AM yesterday. Tried to call in to work at the night job, and then it started fucking snowing which means there is NO ABSOLUTE WAY I’m getting out of my shift. Ugghhh… still have to get up at 5:30AM tomorrow as well. Needless to say, my patience is VERY thin right now, which doesn’t bode well for Impact from this smark’s POV. But, it is what it is… let’s just get this over with, shall we?
Hey Warrior, want to go do some coke and bang some ringrats?
| # | Matches[4] | Stipulations |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | A.J. Styles and Mr. Anderson vs. Kazarian and Christopher Daniels | Tag Team match |
| 2 | Austin Aries (c) vs Zema Ion | Singles match for the TNA X Division Championship |
| 3 | Gail Kim (c) vs Madison Rayne | Singles match for the TNA Women’s Knockout Championship |
| 4 | Sting vs. Bobby Roode | No Holds Barred match |
| 5 | Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Hardy | Singles match |
| 6 | Samoa Joe and Magnus (c) vs. Crimson and Matt Morgan | Tag Team match for the TNA World Tag Team Championship |
| 7 | Bully Ray vs. James Storm | Singles match |
| 8 | Robbie E (c) (with Robbie T) vs TBD | Singles match for the TNA Television Championship
|
So we have match 1 which is the tag match between AJ Styles /Mr. Anderson vs Christopher Daniels/Kazarian for….absolutely nothing. WHat started as an intriguing set up involving the secret that Daniels unearthed and what Kaz kept wanted kept quiet is now just a feud with an added element for the returning Mr. Anderson. Because I’m assuming that they had no plans for him on his return. So I feel that the faces will lose to build momentum for Lockdown. If nothing else it looks like that TNA has formed new tag teams. How knows if the faces due win maybe Lockdown will be the blow off of the feud in a three way tag team title match.
Austin Aries vs Zema Ion for the X Division title looks to be filler for the real match at Lockdown. I see a cheap move on Ion’s part that gets him disqualified leading to a rematch at Lockdown for the win. Don’t get me wrong it will be a competitive match that will keep the crowd awake to make it through the rest of the card. But a footnote leading to Lockdown all the same.
Gail Kim (c) vs Madison Rayne the match that the X division will have to keep people awake through. This is really just a waste and hoping it is just filling in for the (hopefully) eventual confrontation between Gail and Sarita since that is the only person she hasn’t faced yet and would really be appreciated here. I could see this match as the final straw for Gail as far as friends go making her a lone wolf against a rejuvenated face Sarita would be appreciated or keep her heel as long as we get that match. Gail should win here because god almighty we don’t need another Killer Queen reign.
Sting vs Booby Roode (c) should solidify Roode as a crafty and threatening force leading into Lockdown against James Storm. Otherwise it would just be a waste of the champion to get beat by Sting. Here’s to Roode winning and making himself look strong. Nashville would be better for it.
Kurt Angle vs Jeff Hardy this should be Hardy’s redemption song for last year. Taking on the man who can have a good match with a broom stick. (Looking at you HHH) This should make four a good match and here’s to Hardy doing something different with his moveset instead of the wash and repeat business he could show some knew moves and bust out some classic maneuvers from the old days. Angle should go over so to extend the feud to Lockdown where Angle does best.
Samoa Joe/Crimson vs Crimson/Morgan here here to the Joe Daddies or whatever their called. Morgan and Crimson just need to progress to the next level. Just fight already. Hopefully come Lockdown we see these two finally step to heel and face category to make the Crimson character more interesting. Because this rematch seems forced. Joe/Magnus for the win and the dissolving of Morgan/Crimson.
Bully Ray vs James Storm we have seen this match already and on free tv as the marks would say but i guess they have to give Storm something to do until Lockdown. Storm will go over Ray and move on to Nashville.
Saving the best for last. The Robbie E open invitational for the television title. I’m crossing my fingers that this will be resolved for going into Lockdown. Bischoff noted that now under the current regime that long term story is being created. So what looks like random heel tactics by the two Rob’s could be setting up for an eventual face to strip the belt off Robbie E I predict another jobber who will take the pin leading to Robbie getting more heat.
So there’s my predictions in assorted order (thanks Wikipedia) A day after PPV article should verify or debunk predictions.
pntnr out.
