Sweet Jeebus, there is a PPV on Sunday and this is the WWE’s last ditch effort to convince you to pay for it. After battling the ratings challenge of this month, including going up against the NFL, MLB playoffs, infomercials, and the Presidential debates, you’d think they’d treat this show like it meant something. But you’d be wrong. So, let’s just get down to hopping into Ryback’s water tank and swim like a dolphin not violating the wellness policy, shall we?
Happy Halloween! Remember when choosing your costume, sometimes it’s just for the best to be yourself.
DOLPH ZIGGLER (w/VICKI) DEF KOFI KINGSTON (w/R-TRUTH and LITTLE JIMMY) – Before the match begins; R-Truth and “little jimmy” get into an argument with Vicki at ringside. Vicki takes a drink in the face and the referee sends her, Truth and “Jimmy” to the back. The match is a high-flying spot-fest with both men taking huge bumps back and forth. Ziggler sends Kofi head-first into the corner, and gets the three-count with the Zig-Zag.
PRIME TIME PLAYAS DEF RYDER/SANTINO – This is a quick and simple tag match. Titus O’Neal gets a blind tag while Santino sets up the “Cobra” for Darren Young. O’Neal gets the three-count with a spine-buster.
RYBACK DEF THE MIZ – Miz doesn’t get squashed in the true sense, but the end is a foregone conclusion with Ryback crushing him with the “meat hook.” During the match, a fan tries to run in but is taken out fast by security.
WADE BARRETT DEF TYSON KIDD – Little more than a squash. Barrett wins with the “souvenir.”
SHEAMUS, SIN CARA, REY MYSTERIO DEF ALBERTO DEL RIO, DAVID OTUNGA, RICARDO RODRIGUEZ – RAW GM AJ Lee made this match during a backstage segment, explaining to Del Rio and co. that this was their chance to get payback on Sheamus for injuring each of them with the “Brogue Kick.” Match ends with Ricardo taking a 619 and a Swanton from Sin Cara after Sheamus cleans house. Sheamus puts the period on this with a Brogue Kick to Ricardo.
Side Note: At one point, it looked like Sin Cara tagged Sheamus, but Rey was allowed to come in.
Was this a botch perhaps?
EVE/BETH PHEONIX DEF LAYLA/ALICIA FOX – A throwaway tag, with Beth doing most of the work, Eve stealing the win with a neck-breaker, and Layla doing nothing but taking a shot to the face. After the match, Kaitlin comes out, on a crutch with a taped ankle. She says she got a hold of the security camera footage from NOC, and it shows her attacker. You can’t see her face, but you can tell she had blond hair. Eve points the finger at Beth and lays her out with the neck-breaker.
BRODUS CLAY VS TENSAI – NO CONTEST – This match isn’t much more than trading head-butts and missing splashes until THE BIG SHOW makes his return to RAW. He walks down to the ring, clocks both men with the WMD, and just stands there until they play his music.
SEGMENTS
The show opens with Punk and Heyman in the ring, holding the show hostage. Punk sits while Heyman calls last week’s main event a great injustice, showing us footage of Cena getting the three-count on Punk while his foot was clearly on the ropes. Heyman calls out the referee from last week, referee Maddox. He demands an apology and that Maddox resigns on the spot. Maddox is happy to apologize but will not resign. Punk goes off on him.
“HOW DO YOU WALK DOWN HERE AND PRETEND TO BE A MAN?”-C.M. Punk
Punk calls him an inexperienced scab, and Heyman offers him a blindfold bearing both the NFL and WWE logos. During his rant, Punk calls AJ Lee an “idiot.”
AJ Lee skips down to ringside. In the ring, she sends Maddox to the back. Paul assumes she is here to reverse last week’s decision.
“When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me… but mostly you.” AJ Lee.
AJ Lee tries to shut Punk down, but Punk responds with a demand for respect and a recap of AJ proposing to him last summer. If she agrees to forget about the match last week, he’ll forget about her sending him dirty texts and voice mails, and dares her to tell the audience about their torrid affair.
“I’m the reason there’s a spring in your step!” – C.M. Punk
Heyman steps in here with a MARRAGE PROPOSAL! He offers to make AJ the most powerful woman in WWE. He’ll come up with ideas and she can take the credit. AJ responds with a slap to his face.
I gotta say, I was impressed with AJ here. She was sharing mike time w/two of the best in this business and more than held her own. She came off clever and strong, despite having the least dialogue.
Backstage: Maddox thanks AJ for sticking up for him and apologizes to her as well. She makes it quite clear that if he messes up like that again he will NEVER work in this industry again. She goes into “evil mode” and accuses him of embarrassing her.
After recapping the Kane/Bryan-Rhodes/Sandow issue on Smackdown, we go to a restaurant where Daniel Bryan is with his anger management therapist Dr. Shelby. The doc has arranged a role-play tonight where Kane is “Gerald” and he will be Daniel’s waiter for tonight. Kane goes into a monologue about pulling the beard off the cook’s face and deep frying it, sprinkling a little bit of it on every dish he’s served. After the bit, we’re told we can choose the official name for their tag team as part of RAW-active later tonight.
At this point, I’m declaring this bit dead. They’ve dragged it out as long as they possibly can.
Promo for the Susan Komen foundation and breast cancer awareness month
Mick Foley is tonight’s special guest! He comes out to address the C.M. Punk issue. The C.M. Punk issue comes down to address Foley. In one of the best promo-duels I’ve ever heard, Foley tells Punk that he needs to disregard Heymans’s advice and think for himself, and he needs to face Cena in a Hell in the Cell match to cement his legacy. Punk takes a shot at the crowd and runs down his list of wins over Cena. He says the WWE universe turned on him, and he doesn’t need to risk his health/body/career for them. He’s held the title for over 300 days and will hold it longer. Foley held the title three times for a total of 29 days. Statistics don’t matter, it’s the moments that we show what we’re made of that counts.
Back at the restaurant, Kane and Bryan agree they can never be friends, but they sure did like beating down men with chairs last Friday on Smackdown. Kane slams the table repeatedly to bring back the feeling. Bryan responds with a growing “YES!” chant. Once the reach the… conclusion, we cut to MAE YOUNG!
“I’ll definitely have what they’re having.” – Mae Young.
The next segment is the Jerry Lawler interview with Michael Cole. He is recuperating just fine but doesn’t even remember the match he wrestled last week. He woke up in the hospital thinking he was in Aruba with his girlfriend. He is leaving his return date up to the doctors.
Back at the restaurant, Dr. Shelby has convinced Kane to try a salad, and Bryan to try a meatball, as part of an “understanding” exercise. Kane tries some lettuce and responds with a huge belch. Bryan seems to like the meatball at first, but soon winds up barfing in Dr. Shelby’s lap.
We are given our choices for naming the team.
#Team Teamwork
#Team Hell No
#Team Friendship
After the break, Kane and Bryan are in the ring waiting the official selection…
#Team Hell No
While Bryan/Kane fight their confusion, Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow attack. They leave the champs lying and introduce themselves as “Team Rhodes-Scholars.”
Recap: Heyman proposal to AJ
Our Main Event of the evening; a John Cena Promo!
Cena comes out to thank the WWE universe for their support of the Susan G. Komen foundation and Breast Cancer Awareness month. He apologizes for C.M. Punk’s lies and misrepresentations. Punk comes out to call Cena a lying politician. He gives Cena a choice; five seconds to leave the ring, or get hurt badly. Five seconds later, Cena nails Punk in the stomach with a lead pipe.
Backstage, Punk staggers along the hall, passing Mick Foley. Punk walks back to kick him in the groin, and starts to walk off. He turns to give Foley a piece of his mind, and meets the stare of Ryback.
All in all, pretty basic RAW, with the tease of a Ryback/Punk match up being the only “big” surprise.
DOLPH ZIGGLER DEF. RANDY ORTON – Match ends with Ziggler charging Orton in the corner, Orton swings up, Ziggler hits the post, Orton tries a school-boy roll-up, Ziggler reverses it for a three-count, holding the trunks. SIN CARA/MYSTERIO DEF. TENSAI/CODY RHODES – Rey h0its the 619 on Cody but is outside the ring when he tags Sin Cara. Ref makes them re-tag and Cara hits a Swanton for three. C.M. PUNK (WWE CHAMPION) VS SHEAMUS (WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION) – Doesn’t happen; Punk in street clothes decides to take a personal day and leaves. SHEAMUS DEF. JACK SWAGGER – Sheamus wins with the Texas Clover leaf leg-lock. After the match, Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez attack Sheamus. Ricardo winds up taking a brogue-kick meant for Del Rio. He sells it so long I start to think he’s legit hurt. EVE DEF. KAITLYN – Eve wins with a neck-breaker. Match is booked to make Eve look like she’s playing nice until she gets an opening for a cheap shot. RYBACK DEF. JINDER MAHAL – Ryback scores the pin with the meat-hook. KANE & DANIEL BRYAN “HUG OUT” – So, after a series of “anger management” sketches, Bryan and Kane agree to meet in the ring. General Manager AJ lets us decide their fate via “Twitter poll.” The WWE universe votes for them to “hug it out.” Meaning they have to hug each other.
They have to hug each other.
Yeah
After stalling a good few minutes, Bryan eventually hugs Kane. Kane eventually hugs Bryan. They eventually hug each other. Then they start shoving each other. Then they start fighting. It ends with Bryan knocking Kane off the top rope with a chair. U.S. CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: ANTONIO CESARO (U.S. CHAMPION) DEF. SANTINO MORELLA – Santino spends the entire match trying to make up his mind about using the cobra. Cesaro finishes this farce with his pile-driver variation. ZACK RYDER DEF. HEATH SLATER – Ryder wins with the rough-rider. ALBERTO DEL RIO DEF. JOHN CENA: FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE – A scary brawl that actually spilled out all the way to backstage. Cena throws Del Rio through the interview area and gives him the AA. Alberto lands on a luggage container and C.M. PUNK hits Cena with a kick to the head out of nowhere. Punk pulls Del Rio on Cena for a three-count, and then Cena takes a GTS face first onto Punk’s car. As the car drives off, PAUL HEYMAN looks out the window and winces. THE GOOD • THE FINISH – The main event was actually exciting. Nice to see people who understand what “falls count anywhere” means. Punk getting Del Rio a win over Cena was the right way to get people hyped for the PPV. Paul Heymans cameo as Punks driver got me excited. I am marking out big-time for the possibility of him teaming up with Punk. • ANGER MANAGEMENT – As stupid as these bits are, at least Kane and Bryan have made them watchable. Funny moment was when they both bailed on “Harold;” during a trust fall exercise, and the “doctor” losing his patients with his patients. THE BAD
Oh God, where to begin? • COMMENTARY – Intercontinental champion The Miz joined the commentary team tonight. It was weird. Miz and Michael Cole seemed to be taking turns playing face. Oddly enough, Cole seemed to be working as the face announcer most of the night. It was kind of confusing. When Divas Champ Layla came out to join them for the Kaitlin/Eve match, Miz jumped all over her. They got into a Jerry Springer like shouting match with Cole desperately playing ref, with NO-ONE playing attention to the match. • EVE VS KAITLIN – Actually decent; but BURIED by Miz and Layla bitching each other out. Also, Eve gets the win and makes a big show of offering Layla a handshake. You can see their feud coming a mile away, so what’s the point of making Kaitlin #1 contender if you want to do an Eve/Layla program? Why didn’t they just make Eve #1 contender? • THE HUG – Screw you WWE universe. You’re buying into the WWE BS and voting for what they want you to vote for. You are getting the show you deserve. THE UGLY • AJ – Sweet mother, can we pull the plug on this experiment already? This whole night seemed to be more about AJ losing control than anything else. From people walking out on her to the breakdown in the ring, it’s like WWE wanted to make some point about any woman NOT named McMahon being in charge. Unless they’re setting up a Zach Ryder sized de-push, they need to have AJ quit this job and reactivate her as an active roster member so she can kill Vicki. • VICKI AND “INVISIBLE” AJ – Just stop. Please just stop. Wrestling doesn’t do topical humor. Wrestling doesn’t need to do topical humor. For those playing along at home, Clint Eastwood was a guest speaker at the Republican National Convention last week, and did a “bit” with an empty chair representing Barack Obama. Vicki decided to pick up on this and do the same thing with AJ. It wasn’t funny. It wasn’t even relevant to the show, because AJ showed up. • SANTINO’S “COBRA” – George Steel Is face palming this crap.
RYTMANS RANT
WHY ARE WE BOOKING THIS GODDMN SHOW?!?
Seriously, what is the deal with the twitter polls? Why not just let us book the whole damn show via twitter? AND WHY WOULD WE VOTE FOR A HUG!? AND WHY DID WE!?!?!?
I just…..
Ugh.
It’s Summerslam weekend (well, close enough). We’ll be running down the Summerslam card on BWF Radio this Sunday with some special guests. I’m announcing no one yet, because it’s going to be huge… and awesome. Tune in to “www.boredwrestlingfan.com or www.wonderpodonline.com on Sunday to check it out with plenty of time before the PPV.
Pretty much the whole card has been announced. There’s even some last minute matches likely to be teased tonight and then cut for time on Sunday. I expect a holding pattern, and a whole bunch of clip packages. Maybe I’ll get through this in record time? Only one way to find out, let’s hop to it, shall we?
We open with a recap of last Monday when AJ gave John Cena and Big Show both the title shot at C.M. Punk at Summerslam.
RAW GM AJ Lee is out first to give us a rundown of big matches she’s lined up tonight, including Randy Orton vs. The Big Show, and John Cena vs. Daniel Brian.
C.M. Punk comes out to apologize for yelling at her last week, saying everybody makes mistakes, like AJ did last week making the Summerslam match a three-way. Punk tries to weasel out of the match. When AJ refuses to change the card, Punk accuses her of trying to get back at him for turning down her marriage proposal.
John Cena comes out. He talks about how Punk has become one of those guys that demand respect instead of earning it. He mentions that he’s won 11 world titles and still has to fight for respect, and mentions how the odds are against him in a three way.
Side Note: Crowd could be 60% Cena.
Big Show heads for the ring. AJ puts the kibosh on the proceedings and suggests everyone save their aggression for their respective matches tonight. Punk demands that he get a match tonight as well. AJ agrees, but she’ll let the WWE universe pick Punk’s opponent via twitter vote.
#Mysterio
#Kane
#TheMiz
Later tonight, Triple H confronts Brock Lesnar
We come back from a commercial break; and Jerry Lawler announces Rey Mysterio as the winner on twitter.
WWE CHAMPION VS C.M. PUNK
It’s a relatively slow-paced, high-spot trade-off. It ends when Mysterio hits the 619 but lands a splash attempt on Punk’s knees. Punk hits the GTS.
WINNER: C.M. PUNK
Backstage: Alberto Del Rio and Roberto Rodriguez pull up in a Ferrari. Del Rio barks at RR to pull a table out of his way so he can park. ADR and RR leave the car unattended.
COMMERCIAL
Promo: Wade Barret is coming back.
Backstage: Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez kiss up to AJ. She agrees to give Alberto the night off; until he digs on Ricardo for saying she might do something crazy. The “c” word gets her riled up and she books Alberto in a match up next. Alberto yells at RR to get his gear.
Later tonight, HBK-the heartbreak kid-Shawn Michaels will make a special guest appearance tonight!
Christian is in the ring as RR introduces ADR; who is still dressing on his way to the ring. We recap the Sheamus/Del Rio feud, going back to Del Rio slamming a car hood on Sheamus’ head.
CHRISTIAN VS ALBERTO DEL RIO
Christian comes on strong and the match becomes a quick exchange of holds/escapes, and hard hits. Christian goes up top but the distraction from RR leaves him open to a shot to the head with a boot by Del Rio, who locks in the arm-breaker for the submission.
WINNER: ALBERTO DEL RIO
Up on the Titantron, Sheamus is with Del Rio’s super-expensive Ferrari. He says Alberto’s right about how Sheamus needs some class, so he’s going to class himself up, starting with his ride – actually Del Rio’s ride. It seems RR left the keys in the car after scrambling for Del Rio’s gear. Sheamus “borrows” the car and drives off while ADR loses his mind in the ring.
Big Show will face Randy Orton next.
BIG SHOW VS RANDY ORTON
The match falls into a simple pattern. Orton comes on strong but gets shut down by Show’s power. Show tries to ground Orton but Randy slips out. The match ends on the arena floor when Show spears Orton on the outside.
DOUBLE COUNT OUT: NO CONTEST
After the match, Orton sidesteps a WMD and scores an RKO on the Show.
COMMERCIAL
SUMMERSLAM PROMO
Tyler Recks and Curt Hawkins are in the ring. Ryback is introduced. As he comes to the ring, we get a picture-in-picture of Ryback referring to the WWE as his food supply.
TYLER RECKS/CURT HAWKINS VS RYBACK
Recks carries the match and actually has an impressive showing against Ryback, with Hawkins doing little more at first that providing distractions. Hawkins and Recks get in some nice looking double teaming, but the match ends with Ryback crushing Hawkins in the cradle-drop.
WINNER: RYBACK
COMMERCIAL
PRIME TIME PLAYERS VS PRIMO/EPICO
We come back w/both teams already in the ring. AW hypes up his team and they do the “millions of dollars” routine as the match starts. Epico drop-kicks Darien Young out of the ring, but Titus O’Neil takes over on Primo and the PTP double team him. Primo gets in some high-offense, but gets beat down some more. He finally tags in Epico, who comes in with high energy, and unloads on both PTP members. AW pulls his men out of this fight and tries to take a powder. Tag team champions R-Truth and Kofi Kingston cut them off. Mo/Co take the fight back in the ring and Primo hits the backstabber for the three count.
WINNERS: PRIMO/EPICO
We recap Damian Sandow getting martyred by DX and brutalizing Brodus Clay the following week.
Backstage: Josh Mathews interviews Sandow. Sandow is obligated to remove all foolishness from the WWE. He calls dancing wasteful and has chosen to take out Brodus Clay tonight.
We are welcome.
COMMERCIAL
Brodus comes out with the girls, but Sandow cuts the show short by clipping Clay’s leg from behind. The brawl spills to the floor, and Sandow continues to stomp the leg. Clay is hurt.
NO CONTEST
Backstage: AJ and Bryan are conversing. Bryan says when he beats Cena tonight AJ will have to make the main event at Summerslam a fatal-four way. AJ informs Bryan he’ll be facing Kane at Summerslam. This becomes a duel of chants. Brian says “NO!” AJ says “YES!” After a few fake outs, AJ wins and Brian storms off.
KELLY KELLY VS EVE
Apparently, this match is a penalty for Eve “touting” negatively about AJ. Eve tries to blow the match off, but KK goes right after her with an unusually vicious onslaught. KK unloads a flurry on Eve who bails outside for a breather, but KK goes right after her and pours it on. Eventually, Eve gets an opening by Pulling Kelly off the top rope and dropping her hard. Eve takes over with choking and chin locks, but Kelly rallies and gets the three count with a head scissors/roll up combo.
WINNER: KELLY KELLY
We recap Sheamus stealing Del Rio’s car before The Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels makes his big guest spot. Shawn thanks the WWE universe for giving him a chance to be part of history with the 1000th show two weeks ago. Before Shawn can continue, Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman come out to interrupt. Heyman lectures on the differences between “entertaining” and “fighting.” Shawn tells Lesnar he made a mistake bringing Hunters’ family into it. Lesnar mentions how Shawn never fought him, and makes a move towards HBK. Triple H runs out and joins HBK in the ring. Lesnar backs off, promising to see Hunter at Summerslam, and HBK sooner than that.
We get ANOTHER recap of Sheamus swiping ADR’s car; followed by Sheamus sending a “Tout” from the car.
Chris Jericho is on commentary with the King and Cole. Vicki comes out to introduce Dolph Ziggler.
We get a recap of Ziggler and Jericho one upping each other over the past few weeks.
DOLPH ZIGGLER VS ALEX RILEY
Pretty basic match dominated by Ziggler. The story here is Ziggler is focusing more on Jericho than Riley. Jericho distracts Ziggler by getting up on the table and putting him on “Tout.” This gives Riley a chance to roll Ziggler up for three.
WINNER: ALEX RILEY
Sheamus gives us a “Tout” of him eating Mexican food in Del Rio’s car.
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION THE MIZ VS KANE
Match falls into a pattern pretty quickly. Kane pummels Miz, and Miz kicks Kane’s legs out from under him. In the end, Kane is too much for Miz. Choke-slam = three count.
WINNER: KANE
Backstage: Sheamus brings back the car covered in garbage/filth, and asks a crew member to park it.
Daniel Bryan makes his way down, going ape in response to the “YES!” chant, demanding people stop.
Backstage: Del Rio makes RR clean up the car.
COMMERCIAL
MAIN EVENT: JOHN CENA VS DANIEL BRIAN
The crowd gets going with “let’s go Cena/C.M. Punk,” chant. Bryan insists this is about him. He stalls for time by going out and yelling at the fans.
Back in the ring, Cena takes control quickly, but Bryan counters out. Most of the match is Bryan working the arm and hitting high-impact kicks. Cena is down and Bryan is all up in a fan’s face at the break.
COMMERCIAL
Bryan is still in control when we come back. Cena makes the Superman comeback and hits the five knuckle shuffle. Cena tries for an STF but Bryan counters. Bryan gets the face-lock/body scissors combo on Cena, but Cena powers out. The match ends after an exchange of holds leads to Cena hoisting Bryan up in the AA, for three.
WINNER: JOHN CENA
After the match, C.M. Punk gets out in Cenas’ face. Cena shoves him away when he sees Big Show coming. Show and Cena go at it till Punk knocks them down from behind. Punk gets a head set on commentary and goes on a diatribe about not allowing people to disrespect him anymore. He gets back in the ring to Kick Show in the head, but Show catches the leg and clocks Punk w/the WMD, followed by one for Cena.
RAW ends with the Big Show hoisting the WWE title on his shoulder; and his Summerslam opponents down on the mat.
We open with the annual Memorial Day tribute montage to our armed forces, asking us to reflect on all we owe them.
(Does that include health care and financial aid?)
Our “prologue” if you will, is a recap of everything you know by now if you watch WWE programs. Show double-crossed Cena at Over the Limit because no one felt sorry for him when he was humiliated and fired.
Back in present time, the Big Show comes out in the Big Suit. He points to the smile on his face and says that’s doing his job. All those times he came out and made us smile was just business. Now that he has an iron clad contract and a huge bonus, he doesn’t have to care about anybody but himself. He claims there’s no one in his league;
“No helmet, shoulder pad, 4 month out of the year, NFL player, no toothpick, noodle arm, NBA player, no Phony UFC fighter, and no one, in that locker room.”
Show claims what really upset him was how easily we moved on without him. Here we cut to a clip of Brodus Clay dancing with the ladies and kids.
“MY TEARS WEREN’T EVEN DRY!” – Big Show.
Apparently, we’re all shallow and phony to him, but the biggest disappointment was Cena not leading a mutiny in support of Big Show, how instead, he chose to mock Johnny Ace, and act like everything was a joke.
“I guess that’s all I am; one big joke.” – Big Show.
Show gives us a rundown of Cenas’ recent failures including the loss to Rock, the beating from Brock, and the loss to Johnny Ace, and promises to do all that and more to him at No Way Out.
“And that put’s a Smile on my Face.” – Big Show.
Punk vs. Bryan is announced while we watch Santino Morella get warmed up for his match with Alberto Del Rio.
Commercials
REWIND: LAST FRI, SMACKDOWN – Santino def. Ricardo Rodriguez.
We come back to the action with Alberto Del Rio driving in one of his expensive cars as RR introduces him, while Santino “power walks” to the ring.
Alberto Del Rio vs. U.S. heavyweight champion Santino Morella
Del Rio Charges before the bell.
Beats down Santino w/kicks to the legs and punches to the head.
Front face lock by Del Rio as he takes him to the corner.
Del Rio misses a charge into the corner.
Santino w/a hip toss/diving head butt combo.
Santino goes for the COBRA!
Del Rio w/a kick to the torso, front face lock, float over into the cross arm-breaker.
Santino taps out.
WINNER; ALBERTO DEL RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIO!
Rodriguez makes a point of shouting right in the face of Santino and rubbing it in.
Backstage: We see Eve close up. Alex Riley is with her, trying to sweet talk her into something when Big Show walks in. Eve informs Show that Johnny Ace has authorized him to pick his own opponent for tonight and leaves. Riley tries to make nice with the Show which results in Show sending a message to the whole locker room, by slamming Riley into the wall.
Commercials
Shot of Bourbon Street
Up next is a WWE TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH!
Champs Kofi Kingston/R-Truth are out first.
Vicki Guerrero comes out and starts with the “EXCUSE ME!” bit.
Crowd shot: Sign -“There’s no excuse for you Vicki!”
Vicki introduces Jack Swagger an Dolph Ziggler.
Tag Team Title Match: R-Truth/Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger
Swagger/Kofi each go in first.
Collar-elbow lock up, into the corner.
Swagger misses a charge.
Kofi w/2 shots to the legs and a dropkick.
Tag to R-Truth.
There is a Double hip toss on Swagger.
Truth w/a dance and a leg drop for a two count.
Swagger whips Truth into the ropes.
Truth hits the breaks and gives a shimmy.
Swagger charges.
Truth ducks.
Swagger over and out to the floor.
Ziggler runs in.
Kick by Kofi connects with Ziggler.
Double wrist lock/jumping snap kick to Ziggler.
Double baseball slide kick sends Ziggler to the floor.
Commercial
Back from commercial.
Swagger with a double arm hook on Kofi.
Recap: During commercial, Ziggler distracts Kofi, Swagger hits a shoulder block, and Kofi hits the floor.
Kofi fights off a double teaming, but is sent hard, back into the corner.
Swagger w/shoulder blocks.
Ziggler starts choking Kofi w/tag rope.
Swagger w/a body slam to Kofi and tags Ziggler.
Ziggler drops an elbow and gets 2 w/sloppy cover.
Chin lock/arm bar on Kofi by Ziggler.
Both men up.
Kofi gets two hits.
Ziggler kicks him into the corner, misses a charge.
Ziggler gets a tag.
Kofi makes a tag.
R-truth hits Swagger with flying thrust kick, boot to the stomach, DDT for a 2 count.
Ziggler makes the save.
Truth launches Kofi up/over/into Swagger.
Swagger tries a roll-up, for a 2 count.
Swagger hoist Truth up, charges the corner.
Truth slips behind.
Swagger hits the corner.
Truth jumps up, grabs his head, and pulls him face first to the canvas.
Truth scores the 3 count.
WINNERS/STILL CHAMPIONS: R-TRUTH/KOFI KINGSTON
Ziggler is not happy.
He tells off Vicki and Swagger and bolts.
Backstage: Santino is walking hurt with some help when Show rolls up on him and grabs his face. He teases calling out Santino as his opponent when Brodus Clay steps up and dares Show to pick him. Show agrees.
“Forget about dancing. You won’t even be walking.” – Big Show.
Commercials
Did you know? WWE’s “Be a Star” Campaign made it into the records in congress.
Johnny Laurenitis Larinitis Meningitis Ace, GM of both RAW and SMACKDOWN rolls out in his motorized wheelchair with David Otunga and Eve Torres in tow. He introduces himself and announces he will now make several announcements. Big Show will face Brodus Clay tonight, and at No Way Out, Cena vs. Big Show is now a CAGE MATCH. Johnny claims to be “the most popular WWE superstar in history,” and talks about people wanting HIM on the cover of the new WWE 12 video game. John pulls the cover off an easel to reveal his face beaming off the cover of the game box.
“This Will Be Bigger Than Pac Man!” – Johnny Ace.
We hit the song “Cult of Personality,” and here comes the WWE champion, C.M. Punk. Punk hits the ring, and alls out Johnny on his bull-shinola.
“Neither Pac Man nor you have ANY testicles whatsoever.” – C.M. Punk.
Punk basically calls the formerly Dynamic Dude out of touch and reveals the TRUE face of WWE ’12. We hit the fireworks and drop the canvas. C.M. Punk stands cross armed, straight edged, and ready to fight on the cover of the new game.
“Take the hoeski and Carlton and get outta my ring.” – C.M. Punk.
Johnny, not wanting to incur the wrath of the B.O.D. ; simply limps out the ring with underlings in tow, while Punk trashes Johnny’s picture.
Punk v. Bryan next
Commercials
Crowd Sign: YES!
We come back with Punk in the ring and Bryan making the big entrance, while the announcers –Cole and King- bring up the recent unpleasantness with Kane and some folding chairs.
Recap: Bryan attacking Kane w/Chair last Smackdown.
WWE Champion C.M. Punk vs. Daniel Bryan
Lock up.
Bryan w/the wristlock into a side headlock, both men back into the ropes.
Bryan hits a shoulder block off the ropes.
Bryan shoots off the ropes, over Punk.
Punk leapfrogs Bryan.
Hip toss, arm drag, Punk w/the arm bar.
Bryan gets up on his feet.
Punk puts a wristlock on Bryan.
Bryan rolls over/benches up, hooks Punk at the waist, takes him over with a suplex variation, into the arm bar.
Bryan bends Punk’s hand backwards, presses it to the mat, stomps the elbow, and locks in a hammerlock.
Punk elbows free, shoots off the ropes.
Bryan goes down.
Punk goes over.
Bryan jumps up.
Punk catches him, hits a reverse atomic drop, and a kick to the torso.
Punk drops the knee five times and leg scissors Bryan.
Punk ties up Bryans’ legs and gets him into the surfboard.
Bryan rolls out, lands on Punk, 2 count.
Punk sweeps the legs, gets a 2 count.
Bryan hooks the legs, flips on top, and gets a 2 count.
Punk bridges up. Both men struggle for a back slide. Punk hoist Bryan up on his shoulder and drops him back first into the knee for a 2 count.
Punk hooks Bryan into suplex position but drops him on the top rope.
Punk moves in, Bryan grabs the arm and drops down, pulling the arm across the rope.
Bryan hits a flying knee off the top rope and slide kicks Punk to the floor.
Bryan dives, Punk side steps and hits a kick to the mid section.
Punk hits a moonsault off the ropes onto Bryan.
AJ comes to ringside.
Commercial
We return w/Punk putting the boots to Bryan in the corner.
Replay: Bryan hits a flying knee on the outside.
Punk tries a suplex, Bryan slips out, whips into the corner, reversal. Bryan climbs the corner and flips over Punk, runs into Punks’ boot. Punk misses a moonsault and lands hard.
Bryan hits with a running charge/low dropkick, and works Punks’ arm.
Punk fights back w/kicks, but Bryan hooks a wristlock and pulls the arm hard across his shoulder.
Bryan goes “YES!” 3 times and scores a running dropkick into the corner, 2 count only.
Punk hits some kicks but Bryan hooks the arm and takes Punk up/over w/a suplex for a 2 count.
Bryan goes back on the arm.
Punk gets 2 hits. Bryan works the arm again but runs into a knee by Punk.
Punk hits a charging forearm, shoots Bryan into the ropes. He hits a jump-thrust kick for a two count.
Punk scores a running knee lift in the corner, but Bryan shrugs off the bulldog attempt.
Bryan misses a kick. Punk gets 2 w/a roll up.
Forearm twice by Bryan, reversed Irish whip, Punk up/over to the ring apron, shoulder block by Punk and a clothesline from the top rope for 2.
Punk tries a flying elbow, but Bryan hits the rope and Punk drops crotch-first on the corner.
Superplex by Bryan gets 2.
Bryan heads to the corner and unties a turnbuckle.
AJ gets up on the ring and tries to tell the ref.
Bryan shouts at her, Punk scores a kick to the head for 2.
Punk yells at AJ, charges Bryan, Bryan hoists him up, face-first into the exposed corner for a 3-count.
Bryan celebrates until Kane attacks him w/a chair. He choke slams Bryan out.
AJ throws Punk a chair, Punk fights off Kane.
WINNER: DANIEL BRYAN. (YES! YES! YES!)
Backstage-Eve sends Teddy for some coffee while Johnny Ace berates her and Otunga. He points out that Otunga taped out in 10 seconds to the STF, while Johnny took two at the last ppv. He berates Eve for not getting Sheamus to apologize to him. He threatens to stay on the job another 20 years and Eve spits her coffee on Teddy. That’s more of my attention than it deserves.
More commercials
I-C Champion Christian vs. Miz (surprise!)
Lock up.
Miz w/a knee, gets a side headlock.
Christian shoots him off the ropes.
Christian ducks down.
Miz goes over.
Christian w/a flying shoulder block.
Christian w/a boot to the mid-section, sunset flip off the top rope.
Miz rolls out and hits a kick to the face for a 2.
Miz takes Christian face first into the corner. He beats him down w/a knee and punching.
Miz walks back, and hits a charging leap clothesline.
Miz scores a double ax-handle for a 2 count.
Chin lock by Miz.
Christian fights out, but Miz scores his reverse face lock, knee drop, neck breaker combo for 2.
Miz drops down on Christians’ back and works a chin lock.
Christian fights his way to his feet, Miz takes him to the corner. Miz hits 2 shoulder blocks and sets Christian up on the corner. Christian fights him back and scores a missle drop kick for 2.
Christian springs over the top rope, hits a shot to face on Miz.
Christian climbs the corner, hops over Miz and scores a reverse DDT.
Christian tries a spear, but eats a boot to the face, Miz gets 2.
Miz wails on Christian in the corner, Christian hits a double kick to the face, and a flying elbow from the top rope.
Christian gets distracted by Cody Rhodes, Miz gets 2 w/a roll up.
Christian goes to the corner and hits a kick to the midsection. He hops up on the corner ropes but Miz grabs an ankle and pulls.
Christian hits the mat face first.
Miz tries for the “Skull Crushing Finale,” Christian reverses it into a “Killswitch” attempt, but Miz shoves him into the corner.
Miz misses a charge and hits the corner. Christian hits the Killswitch and gets the 3.
More Commercials
We’re back, and Miz is peeved about not being treated like a star. He’s not leaving the ring until…
Cue Randy Orton.
Orton hits the RKO and basks in the cheers.
Backstage: Dolph thinks he should be getting cheers like Orton. He wants out of his tag team with Ziggler. Vicky will see what she can do.
Next: Sheamus v. Otunga.
Before the next break, we get a special Memorial Day voice over message from John Cena. It’s basically an elaborate “thank you,” to our Armed Forces for their service. I agree with the sentiment, I just think it’s a little bit pandering to have Cena be the only one to do it.
Commercial
We come back to David Otunga making his entrance to a round of boos. Sheamus comes out next.
World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus vs. David Otunga
Otunga charges in strong w/kicks and punches, but Sheamus fires back.
Sheamus tries a whip, Otunga reverses it, but a hip-toss attempt is met w/ a clothesline.
Otunga rolls out.
Sheamus goes after Otunga. Otunga pulls Sheamus neck first into the rope.
Otunga charges, Sheamus scoops him up into a slam attempt.
Otunga slides down, and sends Sheamus into the corner. Otunga hits a solid clothesline for a 1 count.
Otunga hooks the head and peppers Sheamus on the chest with clubbing shots.
Otunga shoots off the ropes and hits a low shoulder block. Otunga makes 3 pin attempts in a row, but never gets more than 2.
Otunga takes Sheamus to the corner and works him over w/knees and clubbing forearms. He flexes for the crowd.
Otunga whips Sheamus into the corner, Sheamus bounces back with an axe-handle smash, then another. He sends Otunga over the top rope, Otunga hangs on. Sheamus clubs his chest with forearm shots. He pulls Otunga in and hits the “white noise.”
Sheamus ends this with the “Brogue kick” and a 3 count.
Crowd Shot: Kid rocking The Sheamus look.
FUNKASAURUS up next
Commercial: ECW Unreleased, vol.1
Madagascar 3 – interest 0
Recap: Over The Limit – Big Show’s betrayal, and subsequent sucker punch on Cena.
We have the intro –you know the drill.
Funkasaurs, Funkateers, Funka-dactyls, and I go Funk myself.
The announcers remind us Brodus is 22 and 0 so far in his run.
Big Show comes out. He claims to be a fan, and compares embarrassing things he’s done (sumo match at mania in a diaper,) to Brodus doing embarrassing things every night. He suggests Brodus get some make-up/a wig and be the new Doink.
“The Difference btw you and Doink, Doink actually had talent.” – Big Show.
Brodus dares Show to step up. Show responds with a spear that shakes the arena (or at least a cameraman.) And from that point on, it’s pretty much a mugging. The Funkasaurs is bitchified all over the arena floor while his backup dancers stand scared in the ring. Kofi and R-Truth run out to try a save, but Show tosses Kofi into R-Truth and resumes the battering with a piece of the announcers table. Show brutalizes Truth. Kofi gets a big kick in, but gets sent through the Barricade. Truth gets sent to the stairs. WMD to Clay and Show leaves 3 men down.
Raw ends with Johnny Ace raising the Show’s hand, up on the stage.
RYTMANS’ RESPONSE: Ya know, at this point, I like it when a show goes on autopilot like this. We get more actual wrestling, and interview segments that actually go somewhere (for the most part.) However, right now, I’d like to address all the people who were complaining that WWE wasn’t giving the Punk/Bryan program enough attention.
ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!? WE GOT KANE AND AJ BOTH SHOVED INTO THIS! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WWE PAYS ATTENTION TO SOMETHING WE LIKE! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!?
For the record, I can’t hate on Kane or AJ, and I’m good with them making a check. I just don’t know why we have to pile on sub-plots to a story we’re happy with.
Show was awesome tonight, and actually got the crowd chanting big for Cena. Show makes an awesome monster heel, mainly because he‘s got charisma and personality peppered into his rage.
Side Note: I’m actually wondering if any of that stuff he said about being treated like a joke was a shoot.
Side-Side Note: BOD = Board of Directors
So, there’s my first ever official RAW recap. Hope you like it.
First off, Adam “MCA” Yauch of the Beastie Boys passed away. I don’t know about you, but I’m a huge fan. This really sucks. So since the WWE puts up their own memorium messages at the start of their shows, I am putting my own one up for the start of my reviews. He will be missed. I’m going on a B-Boy marathon this weekend.
You’ll never guess who shows up on Smackdown tonight! Oops…
Seriously, let’s just hop to it, shall we? My day was lame, started off with a flat tire, had to cancel my day gig, got the tire fixed while I watched The Avengers. At least the movie kicked some serious ass. (more…)
The night after Wrestlemania. The debut of Mankind, Brock Lesnar. The season premiere that will begin the story that will climax at Wrestlemania 29. It begins tonight.
Johnny Ace begins begins with a new era. He sets up a match for Santino vs. Ziggler vs. Swagger. Punk smarts off to him and heckles Ace. Ace puts him in a match against Mark Henry. The new theme in his era is Power People.
Rock came out. The crowd was electric chanting “Boots to Asses” & “You still have it.” Rock came out and did his thing. It was everything it needed to be.
The first match was Ziggler vs. Swagger vs. Santino. This match was just kind of there for me. But Santino beat both. As Swagger and Ziggler beat on Santino after the match, Santino ran up the ramp and was saved by Brodus Clay. Ziggler charged Brodus Clay and took a crazy bump on the ramp. Ziggler is the most underrated wrestler in the business.
We had the debut of Lord Tensai. The crowd chanted A-Train at the top of their lungs. I was hoping they would chant “Hip Hop Hippo.” Alex Riley began his Future Endeavored Tour. I liked the debut of the Tensai character. And of course, Larry Stanley died when he saw “The Claw.” It reminded me of a early 90’s monster. Let’s see where they go with him.
So Punk-Henry was not the same match he had with Daniel Bryan. It was as good a match as Mark Henry is capable of having. This was such a good match. Both guys really brought it. It ended in a countout. I love the booking as this sets up Mark Henry as credible again. Jericho comes out of the crowd and says that after that beating, he and Punk need a drink. What happened to them has to be seen to be believed.
Sheamus came out to celebrate and then Alberto del Rio’s music hit. Ricardo Rodriguez started up and the crowd went nuts. For Daniel Bryan. Sheamus and Alberto del Rio delivered their lines and went through their motions all the while ignoring that the crowd was cheering someone else. Rock, Austin, Foley, Flair, Piper, those men would have never let a crowd get away with that.
We came back to get Cody vs. Kofi. Big Show came out to show Cody losing. I thought the story they told was very entertaining. Kofi got a nice win.
Abraham Washington gave Mark Henry his card. I’m not sure it was him or Teddy Long in a timewarp.
Eve cut a promo that was not horrible.
The main event was Miz vs. Ryder.
John Cena came out cut a promo on The Rock. The crowd was chanting for Lesnar at the top of their lungs. And then they got him. F5 on John Cena.
I have been watching Raw for the past year pretty much consecutively. This has been the best Raw in ages. 90% of that was the crowd. But the work was great. Lesnar coming back was perhaps one of the most electric things I’ve ever seen.
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Kane talks forever. And then Cena comes out and they brawl into the crowd. It was a pretty awesome brawl and Cena was silent. I thought the announcers did a nice job of selling the brawl.
Sheamus & Santino took on Wade Barrett and Jinder Mahal. It was not a bad match. Mahal got pinned with the Cobra. Mahal, hope you like Florida, because I think you’ll be wrestling at the Impact Zone.
Miz is in the back with Johnny Ace and the never-ending cup of coffee with David Otunga.
Edge is being inducted in the Hall of Fame. So deserved.
Miz wants Mason Ryan to share needles or something.
Then Zack Ryder is hitting on Eve again and it works. Then Kane is seen lurking in the shadows.
Now Kofi Kingston is going to take on Daniel Bryan. I think it was a squash. Then Daniel Bryan celebrated like he had won the World Series. Then we had Big Show face off with Daniel Bryan.
Brodus Clay finally debuts. Holy s***! It’s the love child of Ernest “The Cat” Miller and Flash Funk. Poor Curt Hawkins.
We get Jack Swagger taking on CM Punk. Of course their match was good as we knew it would be. I also like the story they told of Dolph & Vickie getting involved. The ending just seemed kind of really weird, like a ref botch.
Miz wanted Ricardo Rodriguez to call out R-Truth for him. Ricardo Rodriguez was so awesome. Then R-Truth came out and asked Ricardo Rodriguez to sing a song. So he sang a remix of La Cucaracha. Rodriguez owned that segment.
Chris Jericho came out, soaked up the adoration of the crowd and began crying and then walked off. Brilliant.
Eve was about to go to the ring when Kane’s music hit. So Zack Ryder comes to get her and then goes to the car. The car’s tire is flat. So Ryder gets out to change the tire and leaves Eve stuck in the car. Zack Ryder has never seen a horror film. And Kane is apparently really slow.
Ziggler and Cena had a really nice match. And then, as we all knew would happen, Kane got to Zack Ryder. So Cena left the match and Kane laid him out.
All in all… I really wanted to like this Raw. But they did everything they could to make me not like it. Chalk this one up to awful.
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I may have no idea what is going on tonight during Raw. I had a hard time sleeping on Friday night and had one last hurrah for my about-to-be brother-in-law as we celebrated his bachelor party. We started out at a Dallas Stars game and then ended up somewhere at a Dick’s Last Resort in downtown Dallas. There was a fan at the Dallas Stars game dressed as John Cena. He was booed every time he walked past a group of adults.
I am running on a lot of sleep deprivation. And random brats are going to be knocking on my door asking for free candy. If Raw gets really bad tonight, I may find myself plugging in Night of the Living Dead and blogging on that instead.
The Rock was there in a pre-recorded statement. Yawn… I hate to say this, but it was a pretty good pre-recorded promo. I’m sure the crowd must have been happy to pay to watch a pre-recorded statement.
Our first match was Punk and Henry. Johnny Ace came out and reminded us of who he was I guess… to see if fans would tune out earlier. Alberto del Rio sent in the Mexican Paul Bearer (Ricardo Rodriguez) to interfere and keep Punk from winning. My wife compared to Alberto del Rio to a Mexican Superman. I think she was on to something. Punk sent Rodriguez back into the ring and he got attacked by Henry. Are we building up Del Rio-Henry?
We get the Muppets on Monday Night Raw. I just wrote that. Then we get the Human Muppet Vickie Guerrero. I gotta admit I loved Vickie and Miss Piggy. Santino came out to their rescue. The highlight was Kermit calling Vickie his mother. The other highlight was Santino was calling him John Laryngitis. Then Kelly Kelly came out and made out with Kermit. It even made my wife laugh.
There was a Divas costume battle royal. Alicia Fox won the costume contest for me. Eve won the match.
Then we had a skit with Bunsen and Beaker where Christian bullied him. (Remember, Christian. Nobody likes a bully.) Then my Halloween costume Sheamus came to his rescue. They are related. Cute.
We had AirBoom take on Cody Rhodes and Wade Barrett which made no sense. Cody Rhodes got a nice crowd reaction. They won for absolutely no reason. Then Christian comes in which calls on the mobilization of Team Pasty White.
Then Statler and Waldorf did the “What?” stuff. Cute. I’ll just skip over the Johnny Ace segment. It looked like Weekend at Bernie’s with Punk trying to carry the deadweight.
We got Big Show versus Alberto del Rio. The crowd had no reaction whatsoever, but it was a nice dramatic match. It made sense for Show-ADR. The crowd was dead and couldn’t care less. Big Show won like he hadn’t pinned the champ. I’ve been trying to look at this positively, but this has been a pretty awful first hour.
Punk comes out and sits in the ring and puts him in the Anaconda Vice until he agreed to a match at Survivor Series. Then we had Fozzie and Gonzo. Swagger and Ziggler twisted Gonzo. Swagger really has no presence.
Then it was time for the Swagger-Santino match. The work was fine. I’m tiring of Swagger. Beaker gave Santino a blue liquid he spit on Swagger. He pinned him.
Zack Ryder had Dolph Ziggler. I think the match was well-booked. I was just so turned off by this whole night. Ryder won.
We had no HHH tonight which was an improvement to me. I fast forwarded Michael Cole just because I refuse to watch a human being get treated that way.
Miz and Cena were the main event. It was a pretty decent match. Cena won.
Well, Raw was pretty awful tonight. I enjoyed a lot of the Muppet segments. While we had no HHH, it was riddled with nothing but the same tired cliches. I can name 3 people almost immediately who need off the tv NOW. Not a lot of hope after this week’s episode.
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