WWE RAW 12/12/11 – The Slammys!

Well, Justin Ruff may not be an awards show kind of guy, but I absolutely LOVE the Slammys!  Luckily, I happened to have written a half-assed recap of RAW to use as reference for next Sunday’s episode of BWF Radio, so I’ll add to it a little and use it as this week’s RAW review!

We kick things off with the “Tell Me I Didn’t Just See That Moment of the Year” award, presented by Booker T and Hornswoggle.  The nominees are:

• Jim Ross winning the dance contest portion of the “Michael Cole Challenge.”
• Santino Marella nearly winning the Royal Rumble
• The Miz disguised as The Rock attacking John Cena
• R-Truth getting okie-doked by Little Jimmy

The Slammy goes to: Jim Ross!  Michael Cole interrupts JR’s acceptance speech, which leads to a battle rap between the two.  JR flubs his lines but still manages to win.  Before he leaves, Booker T convinces him to do a “JR-Roonie.”

This is Jim Ross’s first Slammy!

Mick Foley and “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase present the “Holy !@#$ Moment of the Year” award.  Mick wonders why Ted DiBiase is presenting the award with him.  DiBiase says it’s because he’s an ordained minister.  So he’s the “Holy” part.  The nominees are:

• Sheamus puts Sin Cara through a ladder at Money In The Bank
• Randy Orton RKO’s Christian out of the air and onto the steps at SummerSlam
• Evan Bourne hits “Air Bourne” on all of the other Money In The Bank participants at Money In The Bank
• Mark Henry and The Big Show break the ring at Vengeance

And the winner is:  The Big Show and Mark Henry.  Big Show accepts the award, then heads down to the ring for his match.

This is Big Show’s second Slammy.  He won the award for Tag Team of the Year in 2009 as part of Jeri-Show.  This is Mark Henry’s first Slammy.

The Big Show def. Wade Barrett via Disqualification – Barrett cut a promo on the way to the ring.  He tried to use a chair, but Big Show punched it out of his hand.

The Road Dogg Jesse James (yes, you read that right) presents the award for “Pipe Bomb of the Year.”  Instead of actual nominees in the category, various sound clips (mostly bloopers) are played.  The winner, of course, is CM Punk, who comes to the podium with a mannequin in a Dynamic Dudes t-shirt and dedicates the win to John Laurinaitis.  Punk then plays a video package of Laurinaitis’ career that says “Lifetime Achievement Award” at the end.  It was set to “The Touch,” which, if you’re a dork like me, you’ll remember as the theme song from the 1986 animated classic,  “Transformers The Movie.”

This is Punk’s fourth Slammy – he’s previously won the 2008 OMG Moment award for cashing in his Money In The Bank contract on Edge, the 2009 Shocker of the Year award for forcing Jeff Hardy to leave WWE, and the 2010 Despicable Me award for singing Happy Birthday to Rey Mysterio’s daughter.

Here to present our next award… it’s LITA!  She’s here to present the “Divalicious Moment of the Year” award.  The nominees are:

• Natalya puts Layla and Eve in the Sharpshooter at the same time
• Kelly Kelly wins the Divas Championship
• Kharma debuts at Extreme Rules
• Beth Phoenix gives Eve a Glam Slam from the top rope at Survivor Series

And the winner is:  Kelly Kelly.  Beth Phoenix comes out, steals the Slammy, and proclaims herself Diva of the Year, but Kelly slaps her and takes it back.

This is Kelly Kelly’s first Slammy!

Santino Marella and the Bella Twins present the award for “OMG Moment of the Year.”  The nominees are:

• Triple H tombstones The Undertaker at WrestleMania XXVII
• The Rock Rock Bottoms John Cena at WrestleMania XXVII
• The WWE Superstars walk out on Triple H
• CM Punk wins the WWE Championship and walks out on WWE

And the winner is:  Triple H!  Hunter heads straight to the ring and cuts a promo on Kevin Nash.  He scares Santino away at the top of the ramp.

This is Triple H’s second Slammy.  He won the award for “Best Hair” in 1997.

David Otunga and Tony Atlas present the award for “Trending Superstar of the Year.”  Otunga explains, while Tony Atlas laughs the whole time, that the four nominees will wrestle in a Fatal Four Way Match.  While the match is going on, the first one of the four to trend on Twitter will win the award, which will be presented after the match.  The nominees – and participants in the next match – are:

• Cody Rhodes
• Zack Ryder
• Daniel Bryan
• Dolph Ziggler

Dolph Ziggler def. Daniel Bryan, Cody Rhodes, and Zack Ryder in a Fatal Four Way Match.  This match is a must-watch.  Hell of a battle between these four, and they gave it a lot of time.  In the end it was Ziggler hitting a Zig Zag on Daniel Bryan to pick up the hard fought victory.  However…

Jerry “The King” Lawler enters the ring and announces that the winner of “Trending Superstar of the Year” is, of course, Zack Ryder.  Ryder gets his Slammy, but Ziggler hits him with a Zig Zag and walked away with the trophy.

This is Zack Ryder’s second Slammy.  He won the 2010 “Most Annoying Catchphrase” Slammy for “Woo Woo Woo, You Know It.”  My how times have changed.

Christian, on crutches and wearing a neck brace, presents the award for “Game Changer of the Year,” but not before calling himself the “Courageous Superstar of the Year” and blaming the WWE Universe for him not being in the running for “Superstar of the Year” later on tonight.  The nominees are:

• Vince McMahon removed from power
• Edge retires
• The Rock and John Cena set a date for WrestleMania 28
• Kevin Nash returns at SummerSlam

And the winner is:  The Rock and John Cena.  Cena accepts the award and says it’s a two person award.  He introduces The Rock, who doesn’t come out.  Cena says that we have him via satellite.  We don’t.  Cena says he’s saying these things to make the Rock that much more motivated to put boots to asses.

This is John Cena’s 4th Slammy.  He’s won the 2009 and 2010 Superstar Of The Year awards, and the 2010 Holy !@#$ Moment for putting Batista through the stage with an Attitude Adjustment.

The Miz & Alberto Del Rio def. CM Punk & Randy Orton  – The Miz and Alberto Del Rio won by keeping Punk away from Orton.  Orton was eventually pulled off the apron by Wade Barrett, leaving Punk alone, and the numbers game caught up with him.  After the match, Orton took off looking for Barrett, while The Miz and Del Rio assaulted Punk with a ladder.  Del Rio locked the Cross Armbreaker in on Punk through the rungs of the ladder while Miz stated that no matter what happens, Punk won’t walk out of TLC with the WWE Championship.

We get another “Kane Resurrected” Promo

Vickie Guerrero and Goldust present “WWE A-Lister Of The Year.”  The nominees are:

• The Muppets
• Snooki
• Cee-Lo Green
• Hugh Jackman

And the winner is:  Snooki, who accepts via pre-recorded message.  She wishes Zack Ryder luck at TLC and gives a “Woo Woo Woo, You Know It.”

I’m sure it goes without saying that this is Snooki’s first, and probably only, Slammy.

Matt Striker interviews Mark Henry backstage, who is looking to induct John Cena into the Hall of Pain tonight.

Sheamus heads to the ring for action.  His opponent is scheduled to be Jinder Mahal, but as he’s talking trash when he gets in the ring, Sheamus nails the Brogue Kick and leaves.

Rey Mysterio presents “Superstar of the Year.”  The nominees are:

• John Cena
• Alberto Del Rio
• Mark Henry
• CM Punk
• Randy Orton
• The Miz

And the winner is:  CM Punk, with his second victory of the night.  John Laurinaitis says Punk is in no condition to accept, so he accepts on Punk’s behalf.

This is Punk’s 2nd Slammy tonight and his 5th overall win.

Mark Henry walking backstage is cut off by the newest cryptic video.

John Cena vs. Mark Henry ends in a no contest when Kane returns!  Wearing a hard black mask when he gets to the ring, he chokeslams John Cena!  He sets off his pyro and removes the black mask, only to reveal that he’s returned to wearing a half mask and having long hair.

My thoughts:  Quick thoughts, of course.  I need stuff for the podcast, after all.  I’m glad to see Kane back, and back to his old look.  Maybe we’ll get the Big Red Monster back!  And yes folks, all the stats I added in about the Slammys are 100% correct.  I did my research!