Tag Archive: Simon Diamond

  1. Pnt-noir Impact Wrestling Review- Kurt Angle Makes a List

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    Where are on the road to Lockdown, and what better way to start that off then with a list by Kurt Angle explaining why he hates Jeff Hardy?!

    Kurt comes out and proceeds to read off some notecards all the reasons why he hates Hardy:

    1. Hardy has long hair which he dyes different colors, Kurt Angle has none.

    2. Kurt Angle comes to autograph signings on time but when Hardy shows up late all the people in his line walk away to get an autograph from Hardy

    3. Kurt has many action figures and posters, but when he goes to kiss his boy goodnight all he sees is Hardy posters and toys in his room, and his son also has the audacity to dress like Hardy too.

    What confuses me about this make believe heel list from Angle is that with Kurt’s background as an all american Olympic good medalist wouldn’t the list he gave be only one line long “Jeff Hardy is a drug addict, and self destructive personality who is a bad influence on my son.” There he would have saved impact fans five minutes.

    It's True, It's True

    After reading his list he calls out Hardy, Jeff comes out looking annoyed like someone gave him the wrong order at a restaurant before entering the ring.  Angle tells Jeff that he wants to wrestle at Victory Road, Hardy thinks about it and slaps the Gold Medalist.  After the aforementioned bitch slap from Hardy the usual brawl insued followed by Simon Diamond, Al Snow and referees coming to ring to break it up. Jeff calls on his “Creatures of the Night” before accepting Kurt’s challenge.

    Roode shoots a promo in the back about Sting booking himself in the main event of Victory Road. And as he rants in the background we see The Greatest Man Alive, Austin Aries walk up. He concurs with Bobby telling him about his twitter comments. They decide to take a walk.

    Madison Rayne (ugh) and Gail Kim have a conversation while Rayne is hanging posters of Gail Kim. Gail wants to make up and she does this by signing Madison in a match with ODB, because that is what a good and caring friend does.

    We have a Gauntlet Match between Kazarian Daniels and AJ Styles, where if and when AJ wins he wants to know the secret that Daniels has over his head. So by stipulating this TNA is basically saying “You probably won’t know to Victory Road, or the latest Lockdown, or wait the Impact after Lockdown because ratings are more important then PPV buys.” AJ and Daniels start off the Gauntlet Match (and for those that don’t know a Gauntlet match is where a competitor faces one opponent and after he wins takes on the next until he clears both or loses to one or the other.) They have another good match filled with reversals and cool moves that have highlighted their respective matches in the past. That is until Kaz comes in and performs Fade to Black on AJ basically DQ’ing Daniels. Before covering him for the three. Kaz is to his breaking point and not even The Fallen Angel can keep him chained.

    Madison Rayne takes on ODB w/Eric this is what you expect from Rayne she takes a beating and keeps entertaining the crowd by making the face ODB look more over. Gail comes to ringside with belts in hand as I guess moral/heel support. Madison goes for her finish ODB reverses and goes for the Ba boom? Eric Young distracts the ref with his foolishness, Gail attempts to hand Madison a belt to cheat with but slips on the apron. ODB hits her move and pins Rayne for the three. Afterwards Rayne who is annoyed asks what happened as Gail apologizes.

    We have replay from Bully Ray’s failed attempt at beating up Brandon Jacobs. We then are treated to another Bully Ray makes fun of the geek girl before telling her to call him. A double and Bobby walked up and try to convince Ray that James Storm isn’t the cause of his embarassment but Sting, who because he’s the authority figure.

    Garrett Bischoff is cornered by Father, Gunner and Flair who gives his usual I’m old and senile speech that kind of sounds coherent if living on Shutter Island is your idea of normal. Garrett holds up all stoic as the heels look on in disgust. Because nepotism is nausea inducing.

    Velvet Sky has had enough and she wants her title shot. She retells the events of two weeks ago when Rayne threw her over the ropes becoming the #1 contender. Well if you whine long enough the heels will come. Sarita and Angelina?! mock Velvet before a fight breaks out. Or more like a beat down. But the flower child is coming to the rescue Mickie James who I assume is wearing a workout outfit but looks more colorful then a Puerto Rican float decides to team up for revenge on the heels later in a tag match.

    Roode, Aries and Ray come down to the ring to pout. All three after a long winded recap say their done. This of course prompts Steve to appear and question each man about abducating their respective title and paycheck. Eventually Steve sets up a six man tag main event. Ray, Aries and Roode versus Storm, Magnus and Joe.

    More updates on Jesse Sorenson with a video package with his mother about how he hopes to fight and be back in the ring soon. Now I think we’re at the point where this whole reality distortion field is being set up with Sorenson his mother and Zema Ion.

    Speaking of Ion he cuts an interview with Wonder Years, showing no remorse for the crippling and makes a comment about how he would break the interviewers neck for a bigger profile in TNA.

    X-Division Match: Zema Ion vs Shannon Moore, it is essentially a match to set up how much of a solid heel Ion is against homeless Moore. With Ink Inc. why is Shannon still there? Zema puts on a good match that results in some good spots from both men. It comes to a close when Ion hits his chin to knee buster on Moore for the pin. Ending the segment shadowing wearing the belt.

    Knockout Tag Match: The new team of Angelina and Sarita is being toted around as a new thing. I guess with Russo gone we no longer have lesbian vampires. Mickie comes out introducing Velvet with mock pigeon flapping. As we get down to business. During the match we have Mike Tenay for some reason segway to TMZ who I assume is affliated with Spike or Viacom for that matter, talking about the feud between Madonna and Joe Francis, of Girls Gone Wild infamy. Along with Lindsay Lohan hosting SNL. You know because commenting on the Knockout match is just not his job. We’ll eventually the announce team gets back on the ball, actually calling the match. This match makes me want a Sarita vs Mickie match which I won’t get but whatev’s. In the end Mickie lou thesz’s Sarita and they roll out of the ring. Velvet ducks a botex injection from Angelina and hits her faceplant to get the cover. The women celebrate as Mickie makes the pigeon wave again. Sidenote: Why is Mickie promoting masturbation? Just a thought.

    The search for Abyss has started. 2 months to late. but hey its TNA not Missing Persons. Abyss’s family sent a letter to the company asking for where he was. They replay Genesis and his after match beat down from Ray. Get out the milk cartons because Detectives Tenay and Taz are on the case.

    Main event time as all six men get to the ring.

    This is a good match up between a different but familiar mix of competitors. Again we have the commentators getting distracted with Taz wondering about the knockouts as Tenay hypocritcally asks Taz to focus. Joe is cornered and taking a beating until he tags in James storm who goes to work. Eventual it conscends into Storm hitting the last call on Roode and getting the pin. Storm celebrates. Until Bully Ray hits Magnus and then Storm with a chair declaring himself the #1 contender,

    Impact fades to black.