iMPACT 05/12/11
7 CommentsTime to watch the little promotion in Florida that couldn’t, right?
Time to watch the little promotion in Florida that couldn’t, right?
Terribly sorry everyone, but I feel like crap. I don’t know what’s wrong, I’m just exhausted and what not. So, thanks to that… I’m going to be shortening the RAW review to the bare minimum. Just the important parts and the matches/who won. So… yeah. Here we go!
According to the commercial that came on about five minutes before RAW did, Eve has invoked her rematch clause for the Diva’s Championship against Alicia Fox, and tonight, we’ll find out what the mystery General Manager has in store for Nexus.
We start of RAW with Nexus (and Wade Barrett this week) standing in a line in the ring. Wade says attacking Vince McMahon was just part of a bigger picture. Sheffield says that they attacked Ricky Steamboat and the Legends just for fun, which wasn’t why they attacked the others. An email from the GM says that he’s decided on a punishment for Nexus for their attack on Vince: None of the Nexus can compete for a WWE Title until further notice. Furthermore, the ruling of Nexus members not being able to touch WWE Superstars and vice-versa has been lifted. Cena comes out, followed by Randy, Truth, Evan, John Morrison, and the Hart Dynasty. the Superstars are attacked by Sheamus, Uso’s, Ted, Jericho, Miz, and Edge. Nexus has disappeared. The faces are left standing in the ring. Sheamus says that the heels don’t want to help him. Randy says that he and Cena will never be friends unless they have to, and says that they should finish what they started with the seven heels. An email from the GM says that if they want action, they’ll get it. All eight members of the Money in the Bank Ladder Match will be against one another in singles competition. Cena will face Barrett tonight, but it won’t be a match. The GM want Cena and Barrett to call a truce. Cena says that instead of calling a truce, how about he knocks Barrett’s teeth out. GM says he needs Cena to be the bigger man and he trusts Cena to do the right thing, or else his actions will be met with the appropriate consequences, and… that’s the bottom line, because the GM said so.
<COMMERCIAL>
John Morrison vs Ted DiBiase with Maryse
Maryse sits ringside and calls Cole out for calling her a gold digger. I’m actually a little amused by her, especially that she answered the phone during the match, and just insults Cole. It makes me laugh. Anyway, she jacks Morrison’s jacket and distracts him so that Ted can get a cheap shot… or four? DiBiase hits Dream Street for the win.
Ted DiBiase wins by pinfall.
Santino and Vladimir Kozlov make their way to the ring (“Italia and Russia together again! Like World War 2! Except this time, no Nazis.” – Santino Marealla), and later, John Cena and Wade Barrett are supposed to call a truce… yeah right.
<COMMERCIAL>
Slam of the Week: Vladimir Kozlov defeats Santino Marella and then beats up William Regal after Regal attacks Santino.
Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov vs William Regal and The Great Khali
Regal calls them oxygen thieves before the match even starts and makes me laugh. Regal calls Khali a monster, which makes me roll my eyes… At any rate, Kozlov demolishes Regal, then tags Santino in, almost getting in trouble, Santino gets demolished by Regal, and Kozlov pins Regal.
Vladimir Kozlov and Santino Marella win via pinfall.
After the match, Khali climbs in the ring, and tells Santino and Vladimir to stand Regal up, and just knocks him in the head. Khali and Santino, and Ranjin, dance, and Vladimir wonders where his days of glory went off to.
Later on tonight, Edge brings Chris Jericho and Evan Bourne to The Cutting Edge, as well as information on Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat and the other Legends after last week’s assault.
<COMMERCIAL>
Arn Anderson says that Ricky’s attack was serious. Sheamus shows up and mocks Anderson, essentially, calling him a pathetic old man. Anderson says that they have to get out of the way of their egos and work on Nexus, or the company, and their careers, are going to go up in flames.
<COMMERCIAL>
United States Champion The Miz vs R-Truth
Miz come sout to Truth’s theme and is rapping, which made me die… It was hilarious. Before the match even starts, he starts beating on Truth, while I’m still laughing my ass off… Anyway, Miz just goes off on Truth’s arm. The bell never officially rang, but for my ego’s sake…
The United States Champion The Miz wins… by ass-kicking.
<COMMERCIAL>
The Cutting Edge: Money In the Bank Pay-Per-View Edition
Edge makes his way to the ring, set up with ladders, and the Money in the Bank briefcase. He says that he’s smarter than Randy and everyone else there. Why make seven enemies, when he can make seven powerful allies? They just need leadership, which he can provide. He goes to call out Evan Bourne, but Jericho comes out instead.
Jericho says he doesn’t take a back seat to anyone, and that Edge is shamelessly pandering to Nexus. He was Wade Barrett’s pro, and that helped him win the season. Chris told Barrett to make an impact, do something never done before. Edge rubs the loss to Evan Bourne in, and Jericho rubs Edge’s loss at Wrestlemania in. Edge starts to give Jericho a history lesson, but Edge just wants to be Jericho, according to Jericho. Edge gets sick of Jericho and attacks him. Jericho attacks back and puts Edge in the walls of Jericho, but Evan comes out and hits Jericho. Then, he jumps over a Spear, ducks under both of them, and flips right out of hte ring. Then the GM sends an email.
The GM says if the audience want to see some action, give him a HELL YEAH. So, they’re clearing the ring of The Cutting Edge stuff, and the following is going to take place.
<COMMERCIAL>
Edge and Chris Jericho vs Evan Bourne and Randy Orton
Starts off with Orton and Bourne getting some really good momentum, and then Jericho turns it around right before the commercial break. When we come back, Edge still has the momentum over Bourne, mostly thanks to Jericho beating Bourne during the break. Randy almost had Jericho set up for the RKO, but Edge interfered and Jericho manage to hit the insigari. Bourne gets tagged in, and Jericho starts to yell and berate Edge, so Edge spears him. Bourne hits the Air Bourne for the win.
Randy Orton and Evan Bourne win via pinfall.
Afterward, Randy hits an RKO on Evan, and smirks toward the ramp.
<COMMERCIAL>
Randy walks backstage, and Nexus stops him. Otunga says that nothing was against Randy, but the WWE Championship match at Fatal 4Way was just to make a statement. They’re trying to apologize, and they won’t interfere in the Money in the Bank Ladder Match, but they can’t promise anything for the steel cage match. Otunga says he wants Randy to think about hit next time Cena tries to recruit him. Randy says he’s heard what they have to say, now get out of his face.
During the previous commercial break, the GM emailed and said that the Hart Dynasty would defend their Unified Tag Team Championships against The Uso’s. The Uso’s and Tamina tell Josh Matthews that this is the opportunity of the lifetime. They say they’ll be the new Tag Team Champions, and next week, everyone will know what the Uso’s and Tamina are all about. Alicia seems upset that she hasn’t been interviewed once since she became the Diva’s Champion. She asks if it’s because she’s not important, or because he doesn’t care what she has to say, and the WWE Universe says that, yeah, she’s pretty much right. Anyway, next is the Diva’s Championship match.
<COMMERCIAL>
Diva’s Champion Alicia Fox vs Eve Torres for the Diva’s Championship
Pretty standard Diva’s match, with Alicia faking an ankle injury to get Eve off guard to retain.
Diva’s Champion Alicia Fox retains via pinfall.
<COMMERCIAL>
The GM says that next week, Edge and Randy Orton will go one on one.
Wade Barrett makes his way to the ring as we get back from the commercial break. Wade says that he wants Cena to come out so they can shake hands like men.
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RUBBER FOOD!!!!
Cena comes out and starts checking for Nexus. He gets in the ring, still looking for Nexus. Wade says that Cena is not in Nexus’ future plans, regardless of what they’ve done. Barrett wants to put everything in the past behind them so that they can move on. The simple fact is that the Nexus Seven are going to be there for a long time and can make his life easy, or a lot harder than it has been. The choice is Cena’s.
Cena asks, if they shake hands, it stops? No more looking over his shoulder? Cena says that the anonymous GM wanted to do this truce, but Cena needs to know if Barrett does, and he needs Barrett’s word. If they shake hands, this stops. Cena holds his hand out, and Barrett goes to shake it, but Cena pulls his hand away and asks why stop when they’re having so much fun?! Cena says take your truces, handshakes, future plans, blah blah blah, crumple them, and stuff them up your Nexus. The future is that Cena takes down Nexus, whether he does it himself, has help, he gets to every single one of them.
Barrett says that the fact that Cena is even capable of standing in the ring is a testament to, basically, how it isn’t about him. Barrett is warning Cena: Shake his hand, or Cena will face some very, very severe consequences. Cena grabs his hand, then starts to get him in an Attitude Adjustment. The Nexus Seven come out, but then dso does Evan Bourne, John Morrison, Mark Henry, Khali, Goldust, Kozlov, Santino, the Hart Dynasty, Yoshi Tatsu… and I think that was all… it got hard to tell. Sorry. Basically, Nexus is then shoved out of the ring, except Darren Young, who got bitch slapped by Mark Henry.
The GM sends an email: I wanted peace, so if things don’t stop now, there will be consequences. Cena puts Young in the STF. The GM sends another email: Cena, because of your actions, you will now face all members of the Nexus next week in a seven-on-one handicapped match. Cena then begins hammering away on Darren Young again. Cena then throws the “steel” ring steps at Darren Young’s head, throws Young over the announce table, and then shoves the announce table over on Young.
Next week, I guess we’ll see more of the Nexus. Until then, seeya around.
Tune in at the top of the hour for live coverage of Monday Night RAW, with guest host, Bret ‘Hitman’ Hart.
We begin with a promo for Bret Hart, ending with the comments made between Vince and Shawn last week, in which ‘only good things will happen’.
Enter the Hitman… to new music. It sounds the same, but it’s got more of a rock feel to it.
“I guess Hell’s frozen over” – Bret Hart
The Hitman talks about why he has came back, and thanks the fans for still supporting him. He flashbacks to his past, and then gets right down to the nitty gritty. Bret Hart calls out Shawn Michaels.
Enter the Michaels.
Hart wants a truce between himself and HBK. Shawn decides to let rip on the Hitman, stating that he deserved what he got that night, and that he did have a part in the actions of that fateful night in Montreal. Shawn says that there are parts of him that doesn’t want to forgive him. He then goes on to say, that whenever he thinks of Bret Hart, he doesn’t think of Montreal, he thinks of Anaheim, California, and the 60-minute Iron match (his words, not mine). Michaels agrees with Bret, that he wants to bury the hatchet.
Hart says that Michaels wasn’t the easiest man to get along with, but says that now, he doesn’t want either career to be remembered for that night. Bret offers his hand, Shawn shakes it, and the truce is made. They finish with a hug, and that moment right there, is a moment I will never forget.
However, Bret’s not done. Hart calls out… Vince McMahon!! However, Vince doesn’t show.
PREVIEW FOR TONIGHT’S SHOW
Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston
D-Generation X (c) vs. JeriShow – Unified Tag Team Championships
We’ll be right back.
We return to find Josh Matthews outside Vince’s office. Apparently, Vince was in a meeting and didn’t hear the Hitman call him out.
Cole and King tells us that Melina was injured in a House Show recently, and thus has been stripped of whatever title she holds. An 8-Diva tournament will be held to determine the new Champion.
TOURNAMENT MATCH#1: Maryse vs. Brie Bella w/Nikki Bella
Oh look, a divas match, watch me not care.
The Twins switched, but that didn’t help.
YOUR WINNER: Maryse
Enter the Miz… and he has music. It says he’s awesome. He says that if Maryse wins, he might just call her back. Miz disagrees with 2010 being the year of Maryse, and says it’s the year of the Miz.
MATCH #2: FATAL FOUR WAY
#1 Contender Match: United States Championship
MVP vs. Jack Swagger vs. Carlito vs. Mark Henry
Don’t get suckered in by iMPACT!. join me after the break…
We return, already in action, and we are shown that Mark Henry was taken out of the matchup for now. Swagger with a PowerSlam-type move on Carlito for a near fall. Swagger then tries for a pin on MVP for another near fall. Swagger nails Carlito in the corner, as MVP gets out of the way. Henry is back in the ring, and starts cleaning house. Carlito is used as a weapon, before being put in a Bearhug. The All-American American American American breaks up the Bearhug, but receives a Torture Rack for his troubles. They take Henry out again, and MVP nails the Playmaker on Swagger for the win.
YOUR WINNER and #1 Contender: MVP
Jericho and Show are talking backstage. If Jericho loses tonight, then he’s off RAW. But the Ayatollah of Rock-N-Rollah has a plan, and he’s off to see the Hitman, the Wonderful Hitman of RAW.
Another break.. Y’all come back now.
We return to find out, that Fozzy’s new song “Martyr No More” is the offical song of the Royal Rumble!! Yieewwww
In the Hitman’s Office, enter the Jericho. He suggests Bret be the Guest Referee for the tag title match, so that Bret can screw Michaels. The Hitman doesn’t want to do another Montreal, Jericho thinks it’s an act.
Hornswoggle and Triple H are flogging off the new Mattel line of WWE toys. Hornswoggle wants to play, and Trips says no, until they retain the titles. Shawn enters and asks why Hunter treats Hornswoggle like a little boy, when he has a beard. Helmsley then brings in his Jericho impersonator (Santino Marella) , and sicks Hornswoggle onto him.
Hornswoggle, is now Triple H’s lap dog. Literally.
The Tag Titles are on the line, NEXT!!
Last week, over 2 million females watched RAW. Woop de fucking do.
MATCH #3: Unified Tag Team Championship
D-Generation X (c) vs. Chris Jericho and the Big Show
DX go for the advantage early, but Big Show ends up double suplexing both members.
A commercial follows.
Back from the break, and the challengers are in total control. Jericho just mocked a certain Hulk Hogan in the ring. Gee, I wonder why? Triple H with the Spinebuster! Both men down.
HBK trying to get Big Show down, and finally succeeds, before heading up top, and getting knocked down by Jericho. Hornswoggle gets involved as well, but it only leads to two. Michaels looks for Sweet Chin Music, but Shwo counters into a Chokeslam! Big Show looks for the cover, but Michaels kicks out. Jericho looks for the Walls, but HBK gets the tag to Triple H. A pedigree to Jericho, but Show breaks it up.
Big Show and Michaels out of the ring, and Jericho tries to steal the win, but only gets two. Y2J then hits the CodeBreaker!. but both men are down. Jericho finally goes the cover, but HBK breaks it up. Hronswoggle looks for Sweet Chin on Jericho, but he is knocked down. Jericho looks for the Walls on the Game, but HBK nails Sweet Chin Music, and Trips gets the fall.
YOUR WINNERS: D-Generation X
Stop. Commercial Time.
We return to see Chris Jericho leaving RAW, as per the pre-match stipulation.
Someone’s knocking on Vinnie Mac’s door, and it’s Randall. He has a business proposal for Vince. He wants to kick Bret’s head off, in exchange for the #30 spot in the Rumble. But Vince has his own security, and tells Randy to bugger off. Enter the Legacy. DiBiase and Rhodes want to repay the favour, from last week, by sitting ringside during Orton’s match with Kofi Kingston. Oh, and if Randy doesn’t win, they’re gonna throw him outta Legacy!
Find out (maybe), after the break!
TNA Genesis just got advertised during a RAW commercial. Somebody’s getting fired.
Next Week’s Guest Host… ‘Iron’ Mike Tyson!
Recap of last week’s title match between John Cena and Sheamus.
Enter the Sheamus. He says he’s the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be. Does he not remember who the Guest Host is? Anyways, enter the… Bourne?
He wants a title shot, and thinks he can beat the Champion? HA! Sheamus calls him Little Evan Bourne, and asks for a referee.
If Bourne can beat Sheamus, then Evan Bourne gets a WWE Title shot at the Rumble? WTF?
MATCH #4: Sheamus vs. Evan Bourne
This match is impromptu, and if Bourne wins, he gets Sheamus at the Rumble for the title. You gotta be f**king kidding me right?
Even though Evan hits his ‘Air Bourne’, it doesn’t take long for Sheamus to win.
YOUR WINNER: Sheamus.
Sorry Evan, no title shot for you.
Cole and King, then talk about the life of ‘Dr. Death’ Steve Williams, who passed away after a long battle with throat cancer. He will be missed.
I’ll be right back.
Return to the misery, in which this is the first RAW I’ve watched in five months. No kidding. A Bret Hart promo video plays, showing the build-up, and the aftermath of the Survivor Series of 1997.
Kofi comes to the ring for his match, as it’s now…
Commercial time!
RAW was watched more than ABC, CW, NBC and FOX last week. Why do I have trouble believing that?
MATCH #5: Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton
Kofi in control early, clotheslining Randy over the top, then jumping over the ropes, and nailing Orton on the outside. Randall tries figbhting back, with a DDT in the ring, but that doesn’t work, and Kingston sends him to the outside again. Guess what’s next? Yep, you guessed it.
COMMERCIAL!
We return to find Randy Orton applying the patented Indiana Jones and the Chinlock of Doom! This leads to the momentum being in Randy’s favour. Back to the Chinlock of Doom!, but Kofi gets out of it, and both men are down. Kofi Kingston in control now, as the crowd doesn’t really care much for Kofi. Kingston nails Randall with a cross boyd, but it only brings him two. Kofi counters the RKO, into a fancy looking move, for another near fall.
Kingston looks to finish it with Trouble In Paradise, but Orton counters it into the RKO, and the three count.
YOUR WINNER: Randy Orton
Vince is going to the ring, tune in for it, NEXT!
COMMERCIAL!
Enter McMahon…I have a feeling, this is going to be HUGE!
Vince is trying to get the focus off of Montreal, however, it doesn’t take long for the Hitman to arrive. McMahon seems scared of Bret, as he brings back memories of the past between the two. Vince is trying to kiss Bret’s ass, in order to not get dropped.
Did he just say “I want to bring up your dead”? Anyways, Vince brings a nice gesture, by wanting to put Stu Hart in the WWE Hall Of Fame. Bret accepts, nice touch.
McMahon now thanks Bret for everything he did during his time in the company. Hart shakes McMahon’s hand, and the two stand, arms raised, in the middle of the ring, and just when it looks like things end on a good note, Vinnie Mac gives Bret the ol’ Low Blow, and leaves the ring. Bret stands annoyed in the ring, and that’s all she wrote.
For those who watched that other wrestling show tonight, you sure as hell missed something tonight. Tonight wasn’t about the action. It was about Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels and Vince McMahon. Hart and Michaels buried the hatchet, and Vince just couldn’t bury it. The Road to WrestleMania begins. Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon in Phoenix.
That’s it for RAW! This has been the one they call ‘Legend Killer’.