Home ▸ Other ▸ WWE The Bash 2009 Results

Alright, here’s hoping I can review this show with no issues.  Tonight it’s CM Punk defending the World Heavyweight Championship against Jeff Hardy, and Randy Orton defending the WWE Championship against Triple H in a Three Stages of Hell match.

We’ve got the opening pyro going, and the official theme song – “whyyawannabringmedown” by Aranda – playing over the PA.

Our opening contest is the ECW Championship Scramble.  Christian is the first participant tonight, and he’ll be spending the first two minutes in the ring with Jack Swagger.

Tommy Dreamer wins an ECW Championship Scramble

• Swagger is impressive in the early going, using a combination of power moves and submissions to wear down Christian.
• Nobody scores a fall in the early going, and Finlay makes his way out as the third entrant.
• Finlay uses a barrage of strikes to take his opponents down, but Christian holds his own.
• Jack Swagger scores a pinfall on Finlay to become the “current” ECW Champion.
• With Jack Swagger as the “current” champion, the official ECW Champion, Tommy Dreamer enters the fray.
• Dreamer uses power moves to put Swagger and Christian down, but he can’t score a quick pinfall.
• Finlay hits the Celtic Cross on Swagger and becomes the “current” ECW Champion.
• With Finlay still the “current” ECW Champion, the World’s Strongest Man Mark Henry enters the match.  In five minutes, we’ll know who is going home with the title.
• Henry uses his power to dominate his opponents in this matchup, dropping Dreamer with the World’s Strongest Slam to become the “current” ECW Champion.
• Swagger, Finlay, and Christian gang up on Henry to get him out of the ring.
• Henry gets back in and tries to climb the ropes, but is caught by Swagger, who hits a Vader Bomb for a three count to become the “current” ECW Champion.
• Christian hits the Killswitch on Swagger, but Dreamer breaks up the pin, DDTing Christian and scoring a pinfall of his own with 1:20 to go to become the “current” ECW Champion.
• Time runs out with complete chaos in the ring – but it’s Tommy Dreamer who walks out of The Bash with the ECW Championship still in hand!

Teddy Long gets a visit from Edge, who reminds him that he’s on probation.  Edge thinks Long should think outside the box and make a triple threat match for the World Heavyweight Championship.  After all, he pinned Jeff Hardy two nights ago.  The fact that he’s not on a PPV while he’s healthy is a crime.  Long says too bad Vickie’s not around, she could help Edge.  Edge says that if Long doesn’t put him on the show, Long will be just like Vickie – out of a job.

Rey Mysterio is dressed like a zebra and on his way to the ring.  He seriously looks like he raided Lex Luger’s Zubaz closet.  Ok, maybe it’s not that extreme.  Tonight could be Rey’s last night wearing his mask, if he can’t beat Chris Jericho.  We’re shown the recent history between Jericho and Mysterio, and the Intercontinental Champion makes his way to the ring.

Rey Mysterio def. Chris Jericho – Intercontinental Title vs. Mask

Jericho goes after Mysterio’s mask early on, which is pretty pointless if you think about it.  Focus on winning the match and you won’t have to rip the mask off of his face if you’re successful.  And this guy’s supposed to be intelligent.  Jericho catches Rey Mysterio on the outside and swings him head first into the guardrail in a holy sh!t moment.  JR says that his understanding is that if Mysterio doesn’t win the Intercontinental Title, he must remove his mask.  If that’s the case, I’d get myself DQed or Counted Out if I were Jericho and say “you didn’t win the title, you have to unmask.”  But of course, he goes after the mask again.  When he’s not going after the mask, Jericho is dominant.  Any little burst of offense from Mysterio is cut short quickly.  Mysterio surprises Jericho with a moonsault and scores a two count, but his next move attempt is reversed into a Walls of Jericho in the center of the ring.  Mysterio inches his way to the bottom rope, forcing Jericho to release the hold.  Jericho ducks a 619 attempt and clotheslines Mysterio to the canvas.  I lost my feed here, but I picked one up to see Mysterio hitting a 619 but having the West Coast Pop reversed into a Walls of Jericho.  Mysterio managed to pull Mysterio’s mask off – but Mysterio was wearing a second one underneath!  Mysterio manages to hit a 619 and drops the dime to become the NEW Intercontinental Champion!

This past Monday, Mr. McMahon was outsmarted by Donald Trump, and in his bad mood, he made Randy Orton vs. Triple H in a Three Stages of Hell match.

Triple H is getting his leg taped up backstage, as Michael Cole reminds us that Triple has one the two previous Three Stages of Hell matches.

Jericho demands a rematch from Teddy Long, who reminds him that he’s the longest running GM in WWE History.  He didn’t survive five years by giving in to every obnoxious Superstar who walks into his office.  Jericho says he won’t make it five more minutes if he doesn’t change his mind about not giving Jericho his rematch.

Video package detailing Dolph Ziggler’s feud with The Great Khali.

Khali is out first with the Sultan of Sideburns, Ranjin Singh.  JR ponders why the translator has to accompany Khali to the ring, and Dolph Ziggler heads to the ring for this No Disqualification match.

Dolph Ziggler def. The Great Khali – No Disqualification match.

Despite Ziggler’s best efforts, Khali is dominant early.  Khali leans Ziggler against the ringpost and tries to chop him, but Ziggler moves, causing Khali to chop the steel instead, which phases Khali for a second or two, but he chops Ziggler across the chest a moment later anyway.  Ziggler tries to go after the legs of Khali, draping one over the top rope.  Ziggler grabs a chair, but Khali swats it away.  Ziggler goes right back to the leg, and hits a Rocker Dropper on Khali for a two count.  Khali knocks Ziggler down, but the pyro goes off, and the Big Red Machine Kane makes his way to the ring.  Ziggler attacks Khali with the chair off the distraction, and leaves the ring when Kane enters.  Kane takes the chair and wails away on The Great Khali.  Kane leaves, and the opportunistic Ziggler crawls into the ring and scores the pinfall!

Teddy Long is greeted by Mr. McMahon back in his office.  He came to apologize.  He was a little harsh on Teddy when he put him on probation, but then he heard what he said to Jericho earlier, about being the longest running GM in WWE history, and he’s accomplished absolutely nothing.  Bischoff, Heyman, Regal, even Adamle have done more than he has.  If McMahon and Long were in a foxhole together, out of sheer boredom, Mr. McMahon would shoot himself.  The only thing Long’s got going is the little dance thing he does, and even then, he doesn’t have a sense of rhythm.  He’s still on probation.

12 Rounds is coming out on DVD on Tuesday.  It’s like The Marine, except he’s a cop.

The Unified WWE Tag Team Champions, Primo and Carlito are out first, for some reason.  Tradition be damned, apparently.  Priceless make their way out, and Teddy Long interrupts the proceedings.  He’s going to make this a Triple Threat.  The third team in is Edge and Chris Jericho!

Chris Jericho & Edge def. Ted DiBiase & Cody Rhodes and Primo & Carlito – Unified WWE Tag Team Championship

I’ve run into some technical difficulties early on in this match, but the general story from what I can tell is that neither DiBiase & Rhodes nor Primo & Carlito want to tag in Edge or Jericho.  Edge made a blind tag, Carlito hit a Backstabber on Cody Rhodes, and was then nailed with a Spear.  Edge makes the cover, and we’ve got new Unified Tag Team Champions, Chris Jericho and Edge!  What a shocker!

Randy Orton is backstage waiting for Legacy.  He tells them not to worry about it, the important thing is helping him keep his title.  DiBiase says they were this close to winning.  Orton says he doesn’t care if DiBiase and Rhodes are Tag Team Champions or not.  DiBiase complains about being a henchman.  Orton tells him that maybe he made a mistake.  DiBiase says good luck with Triple H.

This contest, set for one fall, is for the WWE Women’s Championship!  Great, why couldn’t I have difficulties with this match?  And of course, no sooner do I say that then I have technical difficulties again.  Anyways, Melina is out first – again, tradition be damned.  Michelle McCool hits the ring, flanked by Alicia Fox.

Michelle McCool def. Melina – WWE Women’s Championship

Michelle goes for the jaw early on.  Melina battles back, however, as Todd Grisham tells us that Melina won the Women’s title back at the Royal Rumble in January by defeating Beth Phoenix.  Michelle starts going after Melina’s leg.  She stretches Melina in ways that would make Hart Dungeon grads cringe.  Michelle goes for the Faith Breaker, but Melina fights out of it.  Melina manages to pull off some offense, hurting her own knee in the process.  Alicia Fox gets involved, but gets kicked in the face for her troubles.  Michelle boots Melina in the head and scores a two count.  Michelle gets Melina up for the Faith Breaker, and hits it this time.  Michelle McCool makes history by becoming the first woman to ever have held both the Diva’s Championship and the Women’s Championship!

Video Package:  The rivalry between Jeff Hardy and World Heavyweight Champion, CM Punk.

Once again, tradition be damned, as the World Heavyweight Champion is the first one down to the ring.  Punk says “somebody’s going to sleep – it’s nap time.”  Jeff Hardy, sans facepaint, makes his way out, and we’re set for our SmackDown main event.

Jeff Hardy def. CM Punk via disqualification (Punk retains the title) – World Heavyweight Championship

Big fight feel here.  I say from time to time in the TV reviews that sometimes words can’t describe it, you just have to sit back and watch.  This is going to be one of those matches.  At one point, Punk takes Hardy down, and smiles as he soaks in a few boos from the crowd.  He goes for the GTS, but Hardy reverses into a Twist of Fate attempt, which Punk then reverses himself.  Punk goes for poetry in motion off the steps on the outside, but Punk moves out of the way, sending Hardy crashing into the barricade.  Once Hardy finally gets back into the ring, Punk tries to wear him down with submission holds.  Hardy hits a Whisper in the Wind and covers Punk, but only gets two.  The pace starts to quicken, as Jeff Hardy takes over.  Punk turns things back into his favor, scoring with a roundhouse kick, followed by the kneelift/bulldog combination and getting a two count.  Punk starts to score with various strikes, but is caught with a Twist of Fate out of nowhere!  Hardy goes for the Swanton but the Champion moves out of the way, leaving Hardy to crash and burn.  Punk says it’s time to Go To Sleep.  He pulls Hardy up, but Hardy rulls Punk up with an inside cradle for a two count!  Punk hits a roundhouse on Hardy and goes for the GTS again.  Hardy fights out and hits the Twist of Fate.  Hardy climbs the ropes again, and he hits the Swanton!  He covers Punk, and gets the three!  Your new World Heavywe… or so you thought.  Punk’s foot was under the bottom rope, and was noticed by referee Scott Armstrong, who immediately waves off his three count.  The fans boo, and Hardy can’t believe it as Punk pulls himself up to his feet.  Hardy goes for another Twist of Fate, reversed into a GTS attempt.  Hardy battles out and inadvertantly elbows Punk in the eye.  The referee checks on Punk – and then gets roundhoused in the back, earning Punk a disqualification.  So Jeff Hardy wins the match – but NOT the World Heavyweight Championship!

The crowd chants bullshit as Punk grabs and clutches his World Heavyweight Championship.  As Punk leaves, Hardy comes out after him.  He spins Punk around and accuses Punk of kicking the referee on purpose.  He then attacks Punk, rolling him back in the ring and pounding away at the World Champion.  The referee calls for reinforcements, and a gang of officials come to the ring to pull Hardy off of Punk – momentarily.  Hardy takes Punk back down, and Punk rolls out of the ring, still clutching at his eye.  JR debates whether or not Punk knew he was hitting the referee or if it was impared vision that caused him to kick the referee.

Primo and Carlito complain to Teddy Long about being screwed out of the tag team titles.

Backstage, Orton calls Rhodes, leaving a voicemail to ask where he and DiBiase are.

Video package detailing The Miz’s continual trash talking of John Cena

Rev Theory and Adelita’s Way performed outside before the Bash, and now both bands are inside watching the show.  Rev Theory are cool guys if you ever get the chance to meet them.  I met them last year at WrestleMania Fan Axxess before WM24

The Miz is out first.  Cena hits the ring wearing his stupid John Deere outfit.  I’m cool, my new t-shirt is a knockoff of a lawnmower company logo.

John Cena def. The Miz

What did I say this morning in ThinkSoJoE’s Thoughts?  I said that The Miz needs the win after Cena verbally buried him on Monday.  And now Cena is pretty much no-selling everything like he’s early 90’s Undertaker.  Of course, just as I typed that, The Miz actually gets some effective offense in.  Of course, it doesn’t last too long before Cena starts to get in his usual offense, including the Attitude Adjustment and the STF, making The Miz tap out.  WTF WWE, way to make new stars.

Video package detailing the recent history of Triple H and Randy Orton

As per the new WWE tradition, apparently, The Champion makes his way to the ring first, minus Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes.  The Game’s music rings out, and Triple H makes his way to the ring for this Three Stages of Hell match.

Randy Orton def. Triple H- Three Stages of Hell match

Orton dominates the early going of the first fall.  Triple H blasts Orton with a steel chair, earning himself a disqualification!  Orton leads 1 – 0!

It doesn’t matter though, because Triple H is going ballistic with the steel chair, slamming it against Orton’s back, arms, and neck.  Orton rolls to the outside, where Triple H covers him and scores a three count.  Tied at 1.

The stretcher is wheeled down to the ring and the line is taped down at the top of the stage.  Triple H grabs Orton and puts him atop the stretcher.  He wheels the stretcher up the ramp, but Orton gets off of it just before it goes across the line.  He chop blocks Triple H’s leg out from under him.  The match spills to the floor with Orton dominating.  Triple H battles back and tosses Orton over the barricade and back to the ringside area.  Orton pulls the protective padding off of the barricade and backdrops Triple H’s back right across it.  Orton tosses the steel steps into the ring, but Triple H manages to cause him to fall face first into them.  Another blast from the steps, and Triple H drags Orton onto the stretcher.  Triple H starts to push the stretcher up the ramp, but Orton kicks Triple H, causing The Game to fall ontop of the stretcher as well, and the stretcher rolls down the ramp with both men on it.  Orton takes the worst of the resulting spill, but he springs back to life and slams Triple H’s head off of the stretcher, and then does his elevated DDT, using the stretcher instead of the ropes, and the steel ramp instead of the canvas.  Orton goes to punt Triple H, but The Game moved, causing Orton to kick the stretcher instead.  Triple H goes for a Pedigree on the floor but instead gets backdropped onto the stretcher.  Orton makes an attempt to wheel The Game over the line, but Triple H rolls off at the last possible second.  Orton kicks him, and slaps his hands down on the stretcher in frustration.  The viper-like Orton coils in wait, but his RKO attempt is reversed, and he’s shoved into the set.  Triple H nails a pedigree at the top of the ramp.  The Game drags Orton to the stretcher and places him on top of it, but Cody Rhodes comes out to make the save before The Game can push it across the line.  Rhodes gets shoved into the Bash set for his toubles, but as The Game tries to pull Orton across the line, he’s attacked by Ted DiBiase.  DiBiase and Rhodes attempt to put The Game up on the stretcher, but he battles back, but the numbers become too much for him.  Rhodes and DiBiase help Orton up, but The Game grabs his sledgehammer and takes out Orton’s Legacy brothers.  Orton kicks Triple H before he can hit him with the sledgehammer, then nails him with a piece of the stage.  The game lands on the stretcher, and Orton pulls it across the line, picking up the victory.

Triple H gets up after the match, and sneaks up on Orton, who is showing off his championship.  Orton turns around and gets blasted in the jaw by The Game’s sledgehammer.  Triple H stands tall (and delivers a crotch chop) as The Bash comes to an end, but does so without the WWE Championship.

My thoughts

Just the other night, with Edge in the main event of SmackDown, I said to myself, “isn’t it weird that Edge isn’t on The Bash card?  He’s always on PPV if he’s healthy.”  Sure enough, he managed to get on the show, and in a big way, teaming with Chris Jericho to add yet another tag team championship to an already impressive resume.  And here I thought The Hart Dynasty were the next Canadians to win tag team gold.

Drowgoddess asked me about the finish of the CM Punk/Jeff Hardy match earlier tonight.  She wanted to know if it was really the way to go in what should have been the match of the night.  I feel it was.  A finish that leaves you wondering whether Punk knew what he was doing when he got himself disqualified at this point is actually a good idea. The fact that the match was the unquestionable match of the night is irrelevant.

The Miz was made to look like John Cena’s bitch.  Randy Orton won his match, but he and Legacy came out looking like Triple H’s whipping boys.  This is WWE booking for you.  Join me tomorrow night for RAW, perhaps in real-time, depending on my mood.

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