Home ▸ RAW ▸ WWE RAW 9/2/13: Labor on Labor Day.

I am so not up for this right now.  I’m tired, and I don’t feel much like writing.  So, this is what you get.

You know the drill by now.  I talk about this show, I show you pictures of Kodos, you go and read the SmackDown review.

First 30:  Triple H brings out Randall Keith Orton, who says Daniel Bryan shouldn’t even get his title shot at Night of Champions.  H-Cubed compares Daniel Bryan to a popular Superstar of the past – Doink The Clown – and says that clowns aren’t what’s best for business.  Bryan comes out and says he’s going to beat Orton because Orton says he can’t.  Triple H books Bryan vs. Big Show for tonight.  Backstage, Cody Rhodes says tonight’s Bryan/Big Show match would be great if nobody gets involved.  He questions whether Orton is scared of Bryan, and Triple H complains that he and Orton didn’t get invitations to Rhode’s wedding, and books Orton vs. Rhodes, implying that Rhodes will be fired if he loses.

Fandango vs. The Miz

Let’s start a program at SummerSlam and have the payoff on Monday Night RAW!  That’s what’s best for business, right?  Fuck it, FFW.  Miz wins with the can’t figure it out four.  Fandango also got his nose broken during the match, according to the announcers.  I call bullshit – it’d be bleeding if it was broken.

Up next on RAW:  Last week’s RAW!

Reruns of Rerun, so What’s Happenin’?

Backstage, Booker T runs in to Daniel Bryan.  Book says Bryan can’t win this fight with the regime.  He tells Bryan he should think about giving up the title match.  Bryan responds “tell me you did not just say that.”  Booker tells him to tread lightly.

Last week:  Paul Heyman beat down CM Punk with a cane.  I think they showed this video on Thunder, or whatever that stupid blue show is called, but I can’t be arsed to find out for sure.

Brad Maddox apparently told Dolph Ziggler he has a match, but didn’t tell him who his opponent is.  Guess we’ll find out when he does.

Booker T watching this show.

Ziggler gets attacked by Dean Ambrose from behind.  After beating down Ziggler, Ambrose says “you’ll learn respect.”  Then Dolph Ziggler’s actual opponent makes his way out – Ryback.

Ryback vs. Dolph Ziggler

The “Goldberg” chants are extremely audible this week…  Needless to say, this is all Ryback.  Ziggler shows signs of life, dropkicking Ryback out of the Meathook and wailing away, but it doesn’t last long before Ryback manages to actually hit the Meathook, followed up with the Shell Shocked for the win.

Backstage, Stephanie and Triple H are met by Brad Maddox, who says Big Show refuses to face Daniel Bryan.  Stephanie says she’s going to call Big Show out and take care of it.

Yep, a Benny Camer GIF. From a SmackDown review I did last year.

Los Matadores vignette airs.  Nobody cares.

Stephanie McMahon gives a very kind introduction to The Big Show.  She asks him about not wanting to face Daniel Bryan.  She says he taught her a long time ago that it’s ok to do things you don’t want to do if you’re willing to pay the price.  She says “you’re looking in the eyes of your twelve year old friend.”  Hold up.  Wait.  Big Show joined WWE in 1999.  He most likely didn’t meet Stephanie until then.  When she was 22.  That line didn’t make ANY FUCKING SENSE AT ALL.  I digress.  She says Big Show is broke.  With his high priced, iron clad contract.  She says if he doesn’t perform his duties he’s in breach of his contract.  She says he’d be the World’s Largest Gas Station Attendant if he didn’t work here.  She brings up the fact that giants don’t live as long as normal people.  This is the most nonsensical promo.  And to top it off, the fans chant “Y2J.”

Of course not. It is Monday, after all.

Big Show is crying backstage, and then starts throwing stuff around and breaking things.

3MB are here to save the show!  :plays air guitar:  And they’re here to job to the Prime Time Players!

3MB (Heath Slater & Jinder Mahal w/ Drew McIntyre) vs. The Prime Time Players (Titus O’Neil & Darren Young)

Heath Slater is fucking awesome.  Even if he is getting his ass beat by Titus.  King says he’s got a tribute band playing at his museum tonight.  “They’re called OC/DC.  They play all the hits, but in alphabetical order.”  3MB actually dominate a good portion of this match, believe it or not.  At least they do until O’Neil gets the hot tag back in.  He hits the Clash of the Titus on Jinder and picks up the win.

These guys are awesome live!

Brad Maddox is on the phone when he’s interrupted by Paul Heyman.  Heyman’s not a big fan of Maddox right now, since Maddox made the Handicap Elimination Match at Night of Champions.  He questions whether that’s what’s best for business.  Then Triple H walks in.  He says he approved that match.  Paul asks why.  Triple H says he’s a huge fan of Heyman, and his ability to weasel out of precarious situations.  He says if Heyman finds a way out, or if he gets his beating by Punk, Triple H is happy because that’s what’s best for business.

Video:  Bray Wyatt addresses the whereabouts of Kane.  “Kane made his bed, and now, he’s burning in it.”

Cody Rhodes is out for his match with Randy Orton – and if he doesn’t win, it’s apparently the last entrance he’ll ever make in WWE.

“Why don’t you do me a favor, Brad?”  No clue what that was all about.  I think it was Cody who said it, but the camera was on the announce team, and they didn’t say anything about it.  Orton makes his way to the ring, and we’re ready for action.  As soon as Randy gets there.  Which will happen eventually.

Cody Rhodes vs. Randy Orton (If Cody Loses, he’s Fired)

I’m only watching to see how Cody manages to get out of this.  Somebody will help him, I’m sure.  Either that, or he’s going to lose, only to have somebody re-sign him at some point down the line.  Actual tweet on the screen during this match:  @LiizMarieDiaz: %CnnKp#”Eqog”qp”Eqf{#”%TCY0.  (She later tweeted:  “Alright, who else saw WWE botch my tweet?”  Sin Cara is working the Twitter booth tonight, apparently.)  Cody nails a Disaster Kick but only scores a two count as the fans chant his name.  Either that or “Toledo.”  Orton avoids a Cody moonsault (which looks better every week), and drops him with an elevated DDT.  He calls for the RKO, but Rhodes catches him with the CrossRhodes – but only scores two.  Cody tweaked his knee on a Disaster Kick attempt, and Orton drops him with an RKO for the victory.

Triple H says Cody went all in and fought like his life was on the line.  He fought with heart, and Triple H says he has no idea how much he respects Cody.  But this is a business, and in business, he needs winners, so he can’t let his personal feelings cloud his judgment and do what’s right for everybody in the back.  It’s with deep regret that he has to tell Cody he’s fired.

CM Punk heads to the ring, dragging along a Singapore Cane.  Fuck your Kendo Stick, Michael Cole.  CM Punk says he promises no more empty threats.  Punk is ready to compete, but wrestling is the furthest thing from his mind right now.  He wants a fight.  He wants to fight Paul Heyman, and he’ll fight Curtis Axel to get to him.  Punk addresses his supporters, saying that in 13 days he guarantees he’ll get past Axel and get his hands on Paul Heyman at Night of Champions.  “Last week, he said I broke his heart.  At Night of Champions, I’m gonna break his face.  I promise.”

Big Show comes into Bryan’s locker room and says he didn’t want any part of this match tonight.  Bryan says it doesn’t matter, he’ll deal with whatever obstacles Triple H puts in his way.  Show says this is getting very real after what happened to Cody tonight.  Show says he’s in a no win situation.  Bryan says it is a no-win situation, because he’ll beat Big Show tonight, just like he did for his first World Championship.

RAW Rewind:  #PipeBombShell

Naomi vs. Brie Bella vs. Natalya (winner faces AJ Lee at Night of Champions)

AJ is on commentary.  That’s the only reason to pay any attention to this.  Naomi hits the Rear View on Naomi, but AJ breaks up the pin.  AJ then gets assaulted by all three of them.  It’s the worst 3-on-1 beatdown in wrestling history.  Not in terms of violence, but in terms of acting.

AJ – the one Diva who actually doesn’t sound horrible on commentary.

We get another Los Matadores vignette.  Damien Sandow is in the ring.  Ricardo Rodriguez announces RVD and his rectangular pyro, and we’ve got a re-match from Velocity.  Or whatever that stupid show they have on Fridays is called.

Damien Sandow vs. Rob Van Dam (w/ Ricardo Rodriguez)

RVD gains control of the match, and Alberto Del Rio comes out to the stage to watch, which distracts RVD and allows Sandow to take over.  During this match, they show a tweet from Edge:  “Comin back home to #Raw and Toronto next Monday. Raw gets Rated R. That’s good for business. See ya next week Edgeheads, bring your earplugs.”  RVD eventually hits the five star for the win.

I’m falling asleep over here.  Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan is still to come, and it’s apparently not next.

Edge returns, NEXT WEEK!

Stephanie McMahon makes the predictable fatal four way for the Divas title at Night of Champions.

Cody Rhodes gets escorted out of the building, but first he stops to talk to Josh Mathews.  He says Orton was the better man.  He’s not surprised they did this to him, the McMahons have hated the Rhodes’ for the last 20 years.  Josh asks about Cody’s fiancee, and Cody walks out.

Speaking of walking out, the WWE Superstars are gathered on the ramp again, just like the last two weeks.  They’ll be watching the main event – NEXT!

Bryan is out first for his match.  Big Show reluctantly follows.  We see a clip from SmackDown, which Michael Cole himself called “excruciating to watch.”  Which explains the review.

Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan

Big Show is reluctant to actually fight, he tells Bryan to take it easy.  Bryan won’t back down, and he puts the boots to the World’s Largest Athlete.  Finally, he frustrates Show to the point where the big man actually starts to fight back.  He begs Bryan not to make him hurt him.  Bryan won’t stay down and continues kicking away at The Big Show.  Show spears a flying Bryan out of the air.  Show sets up for the knockout punch, but decides to leave instead.  Triple H comes out with The Shield, ordering Big Show back in the ring.  Show starts to walk up the aisle, when The Shield jump in and attack Bryan.  Show gets back in the ring, and Triple H stops him, telling him to think about his family and to do what’s right for himself.  The Shield drop Bryan with another Triple Powerbomb while Big Show looks on helplessly.  Triple H tells Show to ball up the fist and knock Daniel Bryan out.  Show refuses.  He steps out of the ring and begs Triple H to leave him alone.  Stephanie McMahon’s music hits, and people in the crowd yell “don’t listen to her!” and “Punch Stephanie!”  Stay classy, WWE Universe.  She pleads with Show, offering him one last chance.  Show gets back in the ring as Triple H repeats his orders.  Show turns toward Triple H, but Stephanie steps in his way.  Show complies, knocking out Daniel Bryan, crying the whole time.  Triple H and Stephanie tell him he did the right thing as the fans chant “you sold out.”  Orton’s music hits, and the WWE Champion walks down to the ring.  Once again, RAW ends with Randy Orton standing over a fallen Daniel Bryan.

Thoughts:  This is starting to get old.  Bryan and Ziggler need to get some kind of revenge on Triple H and Randy Orton.  Big Show needs to man up.  And where the fuck did that Cody Rhodes shit come from?  I can’t wait to see how Edge gets involved in all of this next week.  Oh well.  I’m done.  Goodnight.  See you Sunday.

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