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Well, like I said yesterday, folks, I was under the weather.  I didn’t tell it to get up and move, like Drowgoddess suggested – it did that on it’s own.  Either that or it saw her comment and decided it didn’t want a Texas sized ass kicking.

Hey, speaking of Texas sized ass kickings, Shawn Michaels and The Undertaker will wrestle at WrestleMania!  They kicked off Monday Night RAW with a killer back and forth promo – probably one of the best promos in years in the WWE.  Undertaker was going to tell HBK to rest in peace, but HBK interrupted, saying he’d rest comfortably knowing that he ended the streak.

More of RAW, and all of ECW, after the jump!

JBL is the sponsor of Ohio Valley Wrestling – and he’s now the Intercontinental Champion!  He raked C.M. Punk’s eyes when the referee couldn’t see him do it, then dropped the Straight-Edge Superstar with a Clothesline from Hell!  BALLGAME!

Of course, JBL got the shot from interim General Manager Vickie Guerrero, who says that JBL has to do something for her now.

Speaking of Vickie doing things for people, what has she been doing for The Big Show that ended up with him getting a World Heavyweight Championship match at WrestleMania?  Edge would like to know.

Randy Orton and a woman who is supposed to be his wife are standing by at Orton’s house in St. Louis.  Turns out that his “wife” was really a Playboy Playmate playing the role.  Michael Cole’s got some questions for him later on – probably something along the lines of “hey, how about you divorce that chick, and then me and you can…”  Anyways, Orton pretty much says that he’s going to beat the crap out of Triple H every chance he gets between now and WrestleMania, leaving just enough of a weakened WWE Champion to take care of at the Granddaddy of ’em All.

In completely nonsensical Diva’s action, the Divas of Friday Night SmackDown came out to support Diva’s Champion Maryse as she took on RAW’s Women’s Champion Melina, who had the rest of the RAW Divas in her corner.  After Maryse picked up the clean victory, all hell broke loose, ending with the face Divas of both brands standing tall in the ring after taking care of the heel Divas of both brands.  Last time I checked, when you’re doing a brand loyalty storyline, one of the brands is supposed to come out on top, not the faces or the heels.

This leads to more nonsense – Vickie Guerrero announces a 25 Diva Battle Royal at WrestleMania, which will include several Divas from the past.  Enough about the Divas though, we’re here to sign a piece of paper!  Big Show comes out, followed by Edge, and both men sign on the dotted line.  Alright!  A contract signing without incident!  Oh, dammit, John Cena showed up.  Vickie confirms that it’s a Triple Threat Match for the World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania.  Edge demands to know what Cena said to Vickie on SmackDown.  Cena tells Edge that he loves Vickie.  Edge calls him on it, and Cena finally caves in.  The sight of Vickie Guerrero makes him want to vomit.  What he actually told her was that since RAW was in Boston last week, he knew a bunch of the people working at the arena – including the guy that runs the security cameras – which caught Vickie and Big Show kissing while Edge was in the shower!

Chris Jericho looked to be well on his way to qualifying for the Money In The Bank Ladder Match at WrestleMania, when the familiar music of “Nature Boy” Ric Flair kicked in.  When the retired legend appeared on the stage, Jericho allowed himself to be distracted – and allowed Kofi Kingston to roll him up for the victory and a Money In The Bank spot!  Jericho, irate, demanded Flair wrestle him next week.

For some ungodly reason, Koko B. Ware is named the next inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame.  Apparently, Vince McMahon has heard that The Bird is the Word.

Rey Mysterio picked up the pinfall on John Morrison in a six man tag that saw Rey team with Christian and Finlay against Morrison with The Miz and Kane.

Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase defeated Triple H.  Yes, you read that right.  They defeated Triple H – by forfiet.  Where the hell was The Game?  He was breaking down Randy Orton’s door with a Sledgehammer.  After finding Orton, the two brawled.  Triple H threw Orton through the front window of his house, the police were called, and Orton watched as Triple H was taken away in a cop car.

Final Thoughts on RAW: Please, please, please, please, Ric.  Don’t come out of retirement.  Seeing your last match at WrestleMania 24 in person was such an emotional moment for myself and every single one of the 74,634 others who were there.  Please don’t take that away from us.

HBK and The Undertaker is thusfar the strongest program out of any of the brands heading in to WrestleMania, but there’s still three weeks left to go, so we’ll see if it can maintain that status.

ECW:

John Morrison and Carlito did commentary as The Miz took on Primo.  I was half expecting to see this match on SmackDown sometime over the next couple weeks, but hey, whatever.  After an entertaining match (with more entertaining commentary), Primo dropped The Miz with a Backstabber, picking up the victory.

Goddammit, I don’t give a flying f*(# about John Cena’s new movie.  it’s the damned Marine if he were a cop.

Ranjin Singh is talking to The Great Khali backstage.  According to Matt Striker, they’re talking about going to see Cena’s movie.  Ugh.

In a grudge match over which one has the gayer wrestling tights, Mister Pink Hotpants himself, Tyson Kidd defeated Tetris-Tights DJ Gabriel with a springboard elbow.

HERE HE COMES TO SAVE THE SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!  Evan Bourne is returning to ECW, NEXT WEEK!

But for now, enjoy this Tri-Branded Battle Royal!  Cryme Tyme, Vladimir Kozlov, Christian, William Regal, The Great Khali, Ricky Ortiz, Dolph Ziggler, Paul Burchill, Kung Fu Naki, Goldust, Charlie Haas, Jimmy Wang Yang, Chavo Guerrero, Tommy Dreamer, and R-Truth battle it out.  In the end, it’s The Instant Classic picking up the victory, and the 7th spot in this year’s Money In The Bank ladder match!

Final thoughts on ECW: Hooray!  Christian in a ladder match!  His record in WWE ladder matches is remarkable, so expect him to fare pretty well on April 5th in Houston.

I’m hoping for a tag team title unification at ‘Mania, hopefully with Miz and Morrison getting the win.  I’m going to head off to sleep folks, but thanks for reading!

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