Home ▸ RAW ▸ WWE RAW results 11/30/09

Great.  I get to turn off my beloved Buffalo Sabres to hear a bunch of little people jokes as Verne Troyer hosts Monday Night RAW.  Ugh.  Let’s get started, I guess.

JeriShow kick things off tonight – but I could care less, because Ryan Miller just hit the camera guy with a puck.  No offense to Jericho or The Big Show, of course.  Jericho says that they need to clear up some misconceptions.  Here are the facts.  JeriShow have been the tag team champions for four months and they’ve beaten everybody.  They won the titles the first time they teamed, while DX hasn’t been tag team champions in the 12 years they’ve wrestled.  Fact 2, DX are frauds.  They’re popular, but when it comes to historic wins, and sheer dominance, they can’t compare to JeriShow.  Fact 3, there are over 42 championships between Jericho and Big Show.  Jericho is the first Undisputed Champion, Big Show is the only person in history to have held the WWE, ECW, and WCW Heavyweight Titles.  They cannot be beat.  Fact 4, DX have never been in a TLC match.  They’ve never been the tag team champions…

BREAK IT DOWN!

DX show up, finally, and Triple H says they forgot fact 32 – the fact that they’re boring us to death.  JeriShow are missing the point.  They’re Tag Team Champions, but nobody gives a crap about them.  DX made history.  DX has been at the forefront of every revolution in this industry for the past decade, and along the way have amassed an army.  The fans love DX because they believe that no matter how bad life dumps on you, you grab it by the throat and make it give you what you want.  HBK says that they’re going to do that again in San Antonio by being in their first ever TLC match, and for the first time ever, they’ll become the Unified Tag Team Champions.  If that weren’t special enough, as an added bonus.  When DX become Tag Team Champions, they get rid of Chris Jericho from RAW.  That is a bonus.  RAW without Jericho means I’ve got pretty much zero incentive to watch RAW instead of hockey if I’m in this situation.  Jericho knows that too.  He says without him, RAW is nothing and the ratings go in the toilet.  He knows it eats DX alive that they’ve never been Tag Team Champions.  Face facts.  JeriShow is better than DX.  DX coasts on their reputation.  They couldn’t accomplish in 12 years what JeriShow accomplished in one night.  They’re better than DX, and that’s never going to change.  Triple H says that Jericho makes some interesting point, but all he’s got to say is that two weeks can’t come fast enough for him.  Jericho’s time is limited on RAW, so let’s make every second count.  Tonight it’s Triple H and Chris Jericho in the ring.  Jericho accepts on one condition.  If Jericho loses, then next week he’ll face DX in a handicapped match, but if Chris Jericho wins, then next week, Triple H faces JeriShow in a handicapped match.  DX accepts.  Jericho says he’s got four words for them – “I’m never leaving RAW.”

We’re 16 minutes into this show, and I’m starting to wonder how long it will be before we get, y’know, some wrestling on this show.  Kofi Kingston takes on Randy Orton later on tonight.  Also, Verne Troyer is the guest host.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

@cmpg I wonder since I am watching #RAW on a 60″ TV, does that mean Verne Troyer is going to be lifesize? #RAW #BWF

@nangbaby: #wwe #raw Why am I supposed to boo the well dressed articulate men and cheer on the old punks who never grew up?

@WWEsAngel_Nef Wait….why is Kofi facing Randy tonight? That has interference all over it. Now back to the game. Raw = Fail so far.

Last Monday: In an event that was sure to please WrestleCrap.com’s RD Reynolds, the Gobbledy Gooker returned – but then turned out to be Maryse in disguise.

Melina is here with Gail Kim.   They’re set for tag team action.  Josh Matthews asks Maryse why she attacked Melina last week.  Maryse cuts a terrible promo about Melina being the turkey.  Maryse and Jillian hit the ring and we’re as ready as we’ll ever be for this crap.

Maryse & Jillian def. Melina & Gail Kim

I’m so glad this match is happening.  It gives me an excuse to watch the end of the Sabres game, where Ryan Miller is about to get his 4th shutout against the Maple Leafs and 15th overall in his career – hopefully.  Miller gets the shutout, and Maryse picks up the victory for her team at the same time.

The announcers talk about Sheamus and the impact he’s made here in the WWE since coming to RAW last month.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

@_MFS_ so we follow a boring ass opening segment with a shitty diva’s match? really? glad I started drinking early #WWE #RAW #bwf

@cmpg @_MFS_ Unless you are drunk, you didn’t start early enough #WWE #RAW #bwf

@dasharpshooters remember when Gail Kim was respected? #wwe #raw #bwf

Put your sunglasses on, the whitest guy since Snitsky, the number one contender for the WWE Championship, Sheamus, is on the way to the ring.  He takes the microphone, and he says that last week, Cena asked why he should take Sheamus seriously.  Sheamus answered by putting him through a table.  He doesn’t have to pin or make Cena submit, even though he can, he’s just got to put him through a table – which he’s already done once.  When he does it at TLC, he’ll be the new WWE Champion, and then Cena will have to take him seriously.  Santino makes his way out.  Jerry Lawler wonders why Santino is here, despite the fact that Justin Roberts said we had a match coming up.  Santino takes a mic and he says that Sheamus must be focused on John Cena, because he didn’t even mention Santino, and they have a match right now.  Santino asks if Sheamus is overlooking him.  He figures that Sheamus is jealous of his skin pigmentation.  He can enjoy the sunshine.   No, he just realized that Sheamus is after his Lucky Charms.  Santino says he can have his cereal, but it’s magically delicious.  Maybe Sheamus remembers that Santino is a 2 time Intercontinental Champion, and after TLC, Sheamus will still have zero titles.  He calls him Lame-us, and Sheamus decks him.  Sheamus destroys Santino, and the match never actually happens.  To make his point, Sheamus heads out and grabs a table.  He sets it up in the corner, and spears Santino through it.  Jerry Lawler mentions that John Cena’s not even in the arena yet.  The show’s been on 40 minutes, and the champion hasn’t shown up for work yet?  I’d get fired from my job if I showed up 40 minutes late without calling.  Anyways, Sheamus says it’s nothing compared to what he’s going to do to John Cena.  JeriShow runs into Verne Troyer backstage.  He comes up to Big Show’s knee.  Troyer shakes Show’s hand, and completely ignores Jericho, which upsets the former Y2J.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

@MissieBird So..the “Sheamus never fights anyone legit” thing continues? #bwf

@TKeep123 Santino Marella on the Mic = GOLD!!! His wrestling?….not so much. #WWE #BWF

@SMARKRAGE Hope big show does no get hungry while Verne is around #wwe #bwf

Verne Troyer says he had a great time at SummerSlam in LA.  Everybody was so nice to him, except for The Miz, who was an obnoxious, irritating jerk.  The United States Champion arrives, mic in hand, and he doesn’t remember seeing Troyer at the party.  If he was annoying and inconsiderate, he’s sorry.  He feels awful.  If there’s anything he can do, like give him “one million dollars.”  He makes the Austin Powers jokes and calls him Mini Miz.  Troyer says he’d imitate Miz too, but he hasn’t done any movies.  He’s surprised, since there were two jackasses.  Troyer says he’s a better actor, a better star, and he’s better with the ladies.  Miz says he’s got no problem using Troyer as a football, the ringposts as uprights, and kicking Troyer right through them.  Mark Henry comes out to the stage.  Miz congratulates Troyer for being saved by the World’s Blandest Man, Fat Bastard.  Miz tells Henry he’s got no personality.  He’s about as boring as Troyer’s attempt at hosting The Miz’s show.  Miz feels that Henry’s 15 minutes of fame is up.  Miz says that the only thing the people are going to remember is that he’s the Miz, and he’s AWESOME!  Troyer says that as bad as he wants to slap The Miz in the face, he’s got somebody else in mind.  He looks up at Henry, who tells him to make the match.  Tonight it’s going to be The Miz vs. Mark Henry.

Later tonight, it’s going to be Triple H vs. Chris Jericho – but up next, it’s going to be Kofi Kingston taking on Randy Orton – on free tv?!?

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

@DCsPeoplesChamp Poor Mini Me…hands so small he can barely hold the mic! #bwf

@Ikariniku – MIZ NO SELLS LARYNGITIS! #WWE #RAW

Cody Rhodes attacks Kofi Kingston as he makes his way to the ring.  Officials head down to escort Cody to the back, and surprisingly, Ted DiBiase doesn’t come out and attack while the officials are busy with Rhodes.  Kofi picks himself up and crawls into the ring.  If he could’ve done that after Edge attacked him at No Way Out, he could’ve been WWE Champion 9 months ago.  Orton’s music hits, and Ted DiBiase attacks Kingston from behind.  Officials come back to take DiBiase out as Kofi clutches at his left knee.  Kofi stands back up and tells the referee he wants to go, even though he can barely stand.  Orton finally makes his way out to the ring, and apparently this match is still going to happen.

Randy Orton def. Kofi Kingston

Kofi can barely stand, but the bell rings anyway.  Orton goes right after the injured left leg of Kingston, which will no doubt take away Kingston’s high flying offense and the Trouble In Paradise finisher.  Orton then turns his focus to Kingston’s throat.  Kingston won’t quit though, he starts to battle back, but Orton kicks Kofi’s leg out from under him and drops him with an RKO before he can fall down to pick up the victory.

Orton doesn’t leave after the match.  Instead, he hooks Kingston’s head and perches him on the top rope, dropping Kingston with the elevated DDT.  The referee tells Orton it’s enough.  Orton stares coldly at the fallen Kingston.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

@kickoutblog Isn’t it funny how pre-match attacks hurt way more than attacks during the match?

@wwefanmike I knew that a legit match between Orton and Kofi was too good to be true… #WWE #RAW

@BradMilner I think Kofi Johnson just got brokeded #WWE #Raw

MVP is facing Verne Troyer in SmackDown vs. RAW 2010.  Mark Henry comes in and MVP asks him what’s wrong.  Jillian comes in and says that Miz was right about Mark having no personality, that’s what’s wrong.  She asks if she can sing “Single Ladies” by Beyonce.  MVP says she should, just so Henry can show off his dancing skills.  Jillian sings, Mark dances, Mark falls down on Jillian.  MVP and Henry bail, and Troyer says that he thinks Jillian is dead.  Instead of calling for help, he takes his controller and starts beating up MVP’s now unmanned character in SvR10 (which you can buy in the BWF Store if you don’t have it already!).

John Cena finally pulls up to the arena an hour and 16 minutes late.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

@dasharpshooters Another dead white bitch on Mark Henry’s plate #wwe #raw #bwf

@xsmootx #RAW Oh my god, Mark Henry just killed Jillian. He must’ve blown out his patella again busting those dance moves. Worst segment of the night

@WellYoureWrong Chair Match, first guy to sit down wins! #wwe

John Cena is here.  Hooray.  Orange Soda isn’t happy.  Sheamus put him through a table to make a statement last week and says that he’s the new WWE Champion.  Cena says that he hasn’t won anything yet.  Cena’s still WWE Champion, and as the Champion, even if Sheamus beats him is that he’s entitled to a rematch.  If he needs it, he’ll use it at Tables Ladders and Chairs.  Cena told Sheamus to be ready for war.  Tonight, we go to war.  Tonight, it’s Cena’s turn to make a statement.  Tonight, it’s going to be Sheamus vs. John Cena for the WWE Championship – wait, what?!?  Cena just showed up 5 minutes ago and he’s got a title match booked?!?

I spit in the face of people who don’t want to be cool…

Carlito?!?  Seriously?!?  Carlito gets in the ring, and he says that Cena’s probably realized that Carlito’s not Sheamus.  He doesn’t even like Sheamus, but he likes what Sheamus represents.  There’s a whole locker room of people that can’t stand Cena as WWE Champion, and it’s not just RAW, it’s SmackDown and ECW too.  They’re tired of him hogging the spotlight, his hats, t-shirts, wristbands.  Carlito wants to know where his wristbands are.  He says that Sheamus is going to do what they all want to do – put John Cena through the table and win the WWE Championship.  Carlito tells him that at TLC, his title run is over.  Cena tells Carlito that he picked the wrong guy on the wrong night, and that his mouth is going to back him into a fight that he wants no part of.  Carlito doesn’t like him?  Step up.  If he makes one move, Cena will unleash hell on him.  You don’t like Cena’s hats?  You don’t like his t-shirts?  Do something.  Carlito goes to spit an apple in the face of Cena, but he drops Carlito with an Attitude Adjustment before he can even finish taking a bite.  Sheamus finally makes his appearance.  Cena picks the microphone back up, and says that the same goes for Sheamus.  If he wants some, come get some.  Sheamus hesitates at the top of the ramp and decides not to head down to the ring.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Ergh.  This has been a frustrating week to do the RAW review.  First I had to turn off the Sabres game to watch it.  Second, the site went down in the middle of it.  In any event, please welcome, guest hosting the BWF RAW review for the second time, @AlyKat_730!

So glad to be doing this a second time, I really am.  And I’m kind of surprised by the lack of Hornswoggle on this episode, but what can ya do about it?

Anyway, after the commercial break, Guest Host Verne Troyer introduces Mark Henry and MVP.  Not sure why MVP is there, but hey, I guess they feel they need to throw him out there every once in a while.  And MVP feels he has to rap, but I think he should leave it to the other people… I mean, John Cena rapped better in the early days…

So, next, we get this strange… thing… with MVP doing back up… But I gotta stop and ask WHAT THE HELL?!  Say Oh… Oh, please stop.  Thankfully, a commercial comes on and my ears are saved from that atrocity that they called personality.  Geez.  Mark, just stick with being the World’s Strongest Man, please?

Well, and when we come back, we get an image of Miz making out with the championship.  I want to go ahead and make this disclaimer here:? I think that Miz is a great wrestler.  Mark’s not bad either, and I like them both.

Anyway.  Miz starts out pretty strong, pushing Mark into the corner, but Mark lifts him up and uses his strength.  Miz is taking control again though, but that’s stopped when Miz tries to Irish Whip Mark and gets it reversed.

Regardless of how strong you are, or how big you are, if someone takes down your knees, you’re still going down.  The Miz took out his knees, putting Mark on the mat, and went for the cover, but got a two-count before being thrown into the ref.

Miz gets his usual run-across-the-ring move off, and manages to pull Mark down so that his chin is hit against the top rope, but when The Miz goes to the top rope, he gets caught by Mark Henry, and The World’s Strongest Slam. So, he walks up to Verne Troyer, who continues to make remarks about the Miz.  And how do they celebrate?  Let’s bring out the Divas.  A weird, small dance party ensues, and I can’t help but wish it was over…  Thankfully, Chris making his way to the ring is more important than the weird dance party. I do think the Divas can dance (okay, so some of them can), but Mark dancing is something I’m going to need to pour bleach in my eyes to get rid of.

I’d rather watch Masters on repeat than go through Mark Henry trying to prove he has personality again.

So, the next match is Triple H vs. Chris Jericho, but with the added stipulation that if Jericho wins, then Triple H has to face him and The Big Show in a 2 on 1 handicapped match. But, if Triple H wins, then Chris Jericho has to face D Generation X in a 2 on 1 handicapped match.

And next week’s guest host? The man who owns the Dallas Mavericks, Mark Cuban… whoever that is.

We come back to DX talking about the Little People’s Court… and then Hornswoggle appears and grunts and moves his mouth, saying that they’ve ignored him and he has to pursue further legal action.  Then Verne comes up and says he needs to sue DX for everything they got.  Let the little people unite.

Chris Jericho comes out to the usual boos and what not.  DX comes out to the usual cheers.  Whereas Chris came out alone, Shawn accompanies Triple H.  But, it’s okay, because Shawn’s going to sit with Jerry “The King” Lawler and Michael Cole.  The match starts with Chris taking a hit and climbing out of the ring.  However, Triple H throws him back int he ring.  And then, the expected interruption from The Big Show.  That distraction provided Chris the opportunity to kick Triple H out of the ring, and then… some technical difficulties with a rainbow and then green-screen, and a commercial.  That’s two technical difficulties tonight…  At least, two on my screen… Maybe my TV’s just old.

We come back to Chris Jericho having Triple H pinned in a corner.  He walks away and gets cocky, but Triple H turns it around on him.  Then Chris just hurls Triple H over the top rope.  Oh, yeah, and The Big Show is joining them with Shawn as a guest commentator.  And Show is just flattering Chris, just like Chris does.  I missed whatever happened with the stairs, though I imagine Chris threw Triple H into the steps…

Jericho brings Triple H back into the ring and keeps him in a corner.  Chris is really dominating, then goes for a cover only for Triple H to kick out.  Some words are said, and the camera stays mainly on the Big Show and Shawn, but Triple H does manage to turn it around.  He goes for a cover, but Chris kicks out.  Chris goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Triple H manages to counter.  Chris covers after hitting him and knocking Triple H down, but Triple H kicks out.  Chris tries for a Lionsault, but Triple H brings his knees up.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree, but Chris counters and goes into a cover (sunset flip?), but Triple H kicks out.

They exchange punches, Triple H dominating.  Chris goes for a bulldog, but Triple H puts him down.  He goes for a cover, but Chris kicks out again.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree again, but Chris counters with a DDT.  Sorry if I’m not telling you what Shawn and Show are saying.  I don’t care.

Triple H delivers a spinebuster and goes back to a cover, but Chris kicks out.  Show and Shawn get up, Show shoves Shawn, then hits Triple H with the right hand.  Ref throws him out, Shawn hits Chris with Sweet Chin Music, and then the ref sends him out too.

Now Chris Jericho and Triple H are both out… And showing no signs of moving.  So, the ref finally gets back in the ring and starts the count for them to get back to their feet.  But both get up at nine.  Chris goes for Codebreaker, Triple H goes for Pedigree, they both fail.  Chris goes for Walls of Jericho, and then Triple H manages to counter that and flips Chris, pinning him for the three-count.  So, next week, Triple H and Shawn Michaels are 2 on 1 against Chris Jericho.

Chris looks upset with himself, Triple H and Shawn look content.  Shawn takes a mic and says that next week is Chris’ last week on RAW.  Then…  “If you’re not down with that, we’ve got two words for ya.”

Thanks, @AlyKat_730!  For what it’s worth, Mark Cuban is one of the more well known owners in the NBA, to the point where he has done a guest spot on The Simpsons, competing with Mr. Burns.  Join us tomorrow for ECW on SyFy!

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