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Some NASCAR guy (note:  It’s Carl Edwards) hosts RAW tonight as we witness the next chapter in the war between Bret “Hitman” Hart and Vince McMahon. What role will John Cena and Batista play? Will Edge make another RAW appearance? And who will walk out with the Unified Tag Team Championships – DX, Miz-Show, or CM Punk’s Straight Edge Society? All this and more, tonight!

Video: The recent history between Bret Hart and Vince McMahon.

Time to Burn It To The Ground – Kinda like a Great White concert.

Tonight, a triple threat match for the Unified Tag Team Championships, but you knew that, and if you missed SmackDown like I did, there’s “exclusive” footage of what happened after RAW last week.

Carl Edwards is doing donuts in the parking lot.  Kinda like Kyle Busch and Joey Lagano did in Buffalo back in October.  Then he dries into the arena.  Kinda like Kyle Busch and Joey Lagano did back in October.  Except it’s not him getting out of the car – it’s Hornswoggle!  Kelly Kelly introduces Carl Edwards, who comes out from backstage with the Bella Twins.  His theme for the night is “Rise Up” by Cypress Hill, which is available April 6th.  Edwards does a backflip off of the top rope, and welcomes us to Monday Night RAW, which started 7 minutes ago.  He gets a cheap pop by mentioning the Sants Super Bowl win, which starts a “Who Dat?” chant.  He then plugs the Daytona 500, which is next Sunday at 1PM.  He mentions Lagano and Busch, who apparently showed us how charismatic and eloquent NASCAR drivers can be.  But Edwards has a friend in the WWE, and his name is John Cena.

It’s a shame that they lost their heads…

The WWE Champion doesn’t want to hear about John Cena.  Neither do I, so thank you Sheamus.  Sheamus says his Super Bowl is in 7 weeks at WrestleMania, and he plans on walking in as WWE Champion, meaning he has to win the Elimination Chamber.  He demands that he’s made the last participant in the Chamber match.  Sheamus doesn’t want any favors done for John Cena just because he got beat up by Batista last week.  Edwards isn’t just a guest host of RAW, he’s a guest on Sheamus’ show.  If he doesn’t listen to Sheamus, he won’t make it to Daytona.

GO!  If you close your eyes, your life, a naked truth revealed…

The ECW Champion, Christian has arrived on the scene here on Monday Night RAW!  He introduces himself to Carl Edwards, and talks about how huge NASCAR is getting in Canada, making him happy they were denied a WNBA franchise.  Sheamus protests Christian’s presence.  Christian complains that Edge said he’d face Sheamus or The Undertaker, and he got offended as the ECW Champion.  Christian mentions that ECW is going off the air anyway.  Sheamus says that Christian is a lame duck Champion.  Christian calls him Snaggletooth and says he’s lame.  Christian wants to know if Sheamus runs out of money by the time he gets to the tanning salon.  Sheamus wants to know if Christian is here to make jokes, but the funny thing is he’ll be unemployed.  Christian says that in two weeks, every ECW Superstar becomes a free agent, and can go to whatever show they want, and he thinks that his peeps on RAW miss him.  So he thought he’d challenge Sheamus to a match tonight.  Edwards says to get a referee down here, we’ve got ourselves a match!

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@robbyfischer  A good kickoff match! Sheamus vs Christian… I wonder if it’ll go to a fall. Or better, a CLEAN fall with no DQ breaking the match up #BWF

@thefoldingchair of course #WWE hooks every guest host up w/ the Bella Prostitutes #WWE

@fastcount123 So now I guess we know what’s gonna happen to all the old #ECW wrestlers. #WWE

@jenrae73 Christian looks orange compared to Sheamus #Justsayin #Raw

Sheamus def. Christian

This match actually started before the commercial, but nothing really happened.  Sheamus is in control when we come back, but Christian starts to battle back, managing to send Sheamus over the top rope and to the floor, then diving onto him from the second rope as Captain Charisma often does.  Sheamus doesn’t allow Christian to keep the advantage for too long, ramming Christian’s arm into the post and then capitalizing.  Christian finally manages to battle back, still favoring his arm, but Sheamus nails a clothesline after missing a Pump Kick.  Christian hits his see-saw kick in the corner but only pulls off a two count.  The fans get behind Christian, but Sheamus avoids the Killswitch, then takes advantage of the injured shoulder and Pump Kicks Christian in the face, then hitting the Celtic Cross (not to be confused with Finlay’s move of the same name), and picks up the victory.

Backstage, DX has just seen what Sheamus can do on a monitor.  HBK tells Triple H that he knows he’d been a little distracted, but there’s always a silver lining and a light after the darkness.  DX have never been to WrestleMania.  Maybe this year.  Triple H says that he qualified for the Elimination Chamber, and while it sounds great to go to ‘Mania with DX, he’s going to win the Elimination Chamber and go to WrestleMania as the WWE Champion.  HBK asks if it’s all about him now, and walks away.

Up next, exclusive footage – that was exclusive to SmackDown last week.

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@millersrq  Up against shamus Christian looks a bit orange almost like an umpalumpa tone #raw #wwe  #bwf

@dasharpshooters  Goldust kicked Sheamus ass STOP IGNORING IT VINCE! #wwe #raw  #bwf

@WellYoureWrong Everytime I see the Chamber, I want to make cookies #wwe

@coreysantiago I’m so confused on wut WWE is gunna do wit HHH/HBK 4 WrestleMania.

Last Week: Batista attacked Bret Hart and let Mr. McMahon spit in the Hitman’s face.

Bret’s banned from the arena tonight, and after RAW last Monday…

Video: John Cena came to help Bret Hart up, and Batista destroyed him.

Backstage, Cody Rhodes asks Ted DiBiase if he’s proud of himself for qualifying for the Elimination Chamber.  DiBiase beat Mark Henry.  Rhodes complains that he had to face John Cena.  DiBiase says he’s better than Rhodes.  Orton interrupts.  Does he think he’s better than Randy?  We’ll find out at the Elimination Chamber, but we can test Cody’s theory tonight, because Ted is facing John Cena tonight.  Orton tells Rhodes he knows he meant well at the Royal Rumble, oh, and by the way, he’ll be facing Randy Orton tonight!

CM Punk, Luke Gallows, and Serena are walking backstage – tag title action, NEXT!

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@DSmithImages  If CM Punk doesn’t rip this Louisiana crowd for the debauchery of the Super Bowl celebration, I’ll be very disappointed. #RAW #WWE

@andypeck13  yes! CM Punk  is on raw next!

@LucyAshtrayGirl  I’m going to hug my CM  Punk bear while they win the Unified Tag team Belts 🙂

@ambey08 YAY MONDAY NIGHT RAW!!! ♥ Really hope CM Punk gets his ass kicked tonight

@diamondkorbel  Yo wtf? CM Punk  needs to stay on his show, he’s making raw lame when he shouldn’t even be on there.

@SadieandSAFE  If DX drops the title tonight to CM Jebus and Co I’ll probably cry. I’d rather suffer through @MiketheMiz  talking than CMGallows.. #WWE #BWF

Lawler plugs the Diva’s Valentine’s Day photo shoot.

The Straight Edge Society make their way out as Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler tell us that tonight’s SmackDown show in Baton Rouge has been rescheduled for tomorrow night.

Punk says it doesn’t surprise him when this section of the country turn to drugs and alcohol when there are hard times, and it doesn’t surprise him that they turn to it when they have something to celebrate, like their little football game.  Punk says that though this region of the country is said to be unsavable, tonight, Punk and Gallows will win the titles and prove that Straight Edge means they’re better than you.  Punk says they’re going to save somebody tonight.  Jared from Subway.  Seriously.  He reminds Punk of himself, because he preaches to millions and they follow in his footsteps.  The Society is looking for a minister of propaganda, and while he’s a great spokesman for Subway, he’ll make a much better spokesman for the Straight Edge society.  Jared says no.  Punk says he’ll make an example out of him.  Gallows and Serena go to get Jared, but…

Are You Ready?

I'M READY!

DX make their way to the ring and do their usual entrance – though HBK doesn’t seem to be that enthusiastic about it.

The Miz and The Big Show don’t get the JeriShow treatment with their entrance yet.  Show was fined for knocking out the referee last week.

MizShow def. Straight Edge Society & DX to win the Unified Tag Team Championship

This one kicks off before the bell, and as a matter of fact, the bell doesn’t even ring before the…

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@DCsPeoplesChamp  Good to see Festus with a legit gimmick instead of being a redneck tard….#justsayin #bwf

@SamGavin Quote of the Day: “Luke, Serena…go get me Jared from Subway.” — CM Punk. lol.

@TheNoodleHippo @Mikethemiz is hot and awesome

@TuningUpTheBand SHAWN. Really. I’m so disappointed.

@TehSmoshKidKris Let’s go DX!

@Krystlelynn218 Miz is so freakin awesome!! hate if u need 2!!

The King tells us that this is a three-way elimination match, as Teddy Long watches from ringside.  All three teams, apparently, can have a member in the ring at once, as opposed to a typical triple threat tag match where it’s two at a time.  Big Show dominates, and Luke Gallows almost looks like his mini-me.  Triple H goes for a Pedigree on Show, but gets backdropped over the top rope for his trouble.  And we’re going to another…

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@kickoutblog  WTF? They just went to commercial!

@AlyKat_730 Hey, WWE… Stop putting commercials up every couple of minutes. Let’s get through a whole match uninterrupted, thanks. -_-

@joyceloveswwe  Another commercial  WWE!? REALLY!??!

@fastcount123  What the frak w/ all these commercial breaks! #WWE

Back from the break, The Miz, CM Punk, and Triple H are in for their teams.  The Game manages to get the upper hand, much to the chagrin of Teddy Long.  Triple H gets taken out, however, and it’s down to Miz and Punk in the ring.  Serena pulls The Miz off the apron, sending him face first into it.  He chases her but gets a spinebuster on the outside from The Game.  Triple H manages to tag in HBK, and he goes on the offense.  He refrains from kipping up.  HBK hits a top rope elbow on Punk.  Gallows clotheslines HBK.  Punk goes for the GTS, but HBK hits Sweet Chin Music and sends the Straight Edge Society back to SmackDown!

Straight Edge Society eliminated.

With Punk and Gallows gone, The Big Show goes on the offense.  HBK tries to battle back with right hands, to no avail, but finally causes some separation by booting a charging Big Show in the face – twice.  Show manages to catch him, however, and hits a side slam on HBK for two.  He tags in The Miz, who continues the offense.  Even when HBK starts to battle back, The Miz maintains the advantage.  He goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but HBK battles out.  Big Show gets the tag in before HBK can get to Triple H.  HBK hits Sweet Chin Music out of nowhere, but Show gets to The Miz.  HBK gets the hot tag to Triple H, and The Game turns the momentum into DX’s favor.  He hits the facebuster, then the spinebuster on The Miz, and HBK tags himself in.  The Miz rams HBK into Triple H and rolls him up for the victory!  New Tag Team Champions!

Triple H looks disappointed as he glares at Shawn Michaels from across the ring.  Triple H tells him he screwed up, and HBK tells him “don’t tell me what I did!”  HBK walks away.

Still to come tonight, John Cena vs. Ted DiBiase, and Randy Orton takes on Cody Rhodes!

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@legendkiller515  diddent see that comming #bwf even cole had to say oh my god

@B_alpha_male  They need to get the titles off DX. They dont need them. #wwe #raw #bwf

@cmpg HHH just told 2 large bald men to “suck it”… no wonder @SerenaDeeb  shaved her head #RAW #BWF

@MissieBird like SNL “skit…break…skit…break”

Before the break: DX lost the Tag Team Championship.

Miz and Big Show brag about winning, and Miz says they’re the MizShow, and they’re awesome!  Big Show says he prefers ShowMiz, y’know, like Showbiz?  Miz agrees.

We get a rundown of the Elimination Chamber card.

HBK is walking backstage, wondering where somebody is.  He finds Teddy Long, and asks him to trade him to SmackDown.  Long asks about DX, HBK says he doesn’t care.  Trade him to SmackDown, put him in the Elimination Chamber, HBK will win and give The Undertaker his rematch at WrestleMania.  Long says he’d love to have him, but the SmackDown Chamber match is set.  He can’t change it, the people in there earned it.  HBK tells him that he can and he will.  Triple H asks if he’s willing to throw DX and his career away.  HBK says his career is over, and he superkicks Teddy Long, then walks away.

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@gcode42o Superkicks for everybody

@EdgyBoo247 Hhahahahhahahahahhahahahhahah Sweet Chin Music Miss EdgyBoo approves of this and soon HBK heel 😀

@2mividaloca WHOA!!! Micheals is pissed!! Poor Teddy!!

@NickEdge HBK going Heel? I think the creative team is on Coke

@xSmootx #RAW Aaaaaaaaand that’s why Teddy wasn’t wearing glasses. “SEE!? I JUST KICKED TEDDY!!!!” “CALM DOWN SHAWN…”

WWE Rewind: Gail Kim beat Alicia Fox two weeks ago.  Good for her!

Moments Ago: HBK Superkicked Teddy Long, as if you couldn’t tell from the tweets…

Gail Kim def. Jillian

Nobody gets any entrances, and Maryse is on commentary.  Even WWE doesn’t care about the Divas.  Maryse says that the Piggy James crap was embarassing.  Gail Kim wins this one in a matter of moments.

Maryse congratulates Gail Kim.  Says she’s a big fan.  She’s looking forward to their match in two weeks, and she wants to have the best match of her life with her.  She then babbles in French.  I need to get Rosetta Stone to cover some of these wrestling programs.  Maryse shakes Gail’s hand and says “may the best girl win.”

2010 Hall of Fame Inductee: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Money, money, money, money, moneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!  The Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase is our first inductee into the 2010 Hall of Fame.

Speaking of Ted DiBiase, his son, Ted DiBiase, will be in action against John Cena – but up next, it’s Randy Orton taking on Cody Rhodes!

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Well folks, you know the drill by now.  I get stuck working Monday nights and have to leave before RAW ends.  Stepping up tonight to cover the rest of RAW is a familiar face around BWF, frequent guest hostess, Twitter’s @AlyKat_730!  Take it away, Aly!

We come back from the commercial break with that NASCAR guy… whose name I have already forgot hanging with Jared.  Then Santino comes up, and messes up the Jingle, as always.  OH YEAH! His name is Carl Edwards.  Anyway, Jared reminds us that you can go into any Subway and get a regular foot long for five bucks, and Jared gives Santino “free money in card form.”

Back to wrestling, Santino says that Jack Swagger should pay for eliminating him from the Royal Rumble.  Carl says that the match, Swagger vs Santino will happen on Superstars.  Kofi comes up to greet Carl, and Kofi reminds us that he’ll be in the Elimination Chamber match, and says he has a proposition: all six members of the Elimination Chamber match in random singles matches.  Next week, Jerry Springer will be hosting RAW.  And there’s a video package of Jerry Springer’s show.

Anyway, now it’s time for Cody Rhodes vs Randy Orton!  We’re reminded that Cody interfered and cost Randy his chance at the WWE Championship at the Royal Rumble.

It starts out and Cody seems to be apologizing again as Randy circles him.  Randy shoves Cody, and scolds Cody. Cody gets fed up and hits up, then hits Randy with a drop kick.  He goes for the cover, but Randy kicks out at two.  Randy ‘s pissed, and the two lock up, Cody turning it around and pushing Randy into a corner.  Randy hits him a couple of times, before Cody hits him with the side Russian leg sweep.  Then, Cody gets bounced off the ropes.

Randy slowly, methodically punches Cody a few times, getting him up on the top rope, where the two exchange blows.  Randy tries to go for the Superplex, but Cody knocks him off and went for a cross body, but Randy moved.  Randy lays there, but Sheamus comes in to interfere.  Cody hits the Cross Rhodes and pins Randy for the win.

Cody gets out of the ring, and Sheamus gets in.  Randy fumes about losing the match, and Sheamus gives him the ‘boot to the skull’, then goes to hit him again, but Cody climbs in the ring with a chair, to protect Randy.  There is a stare down between Cody and Sheamus for a few minutes, before we are reminded and shown what happened last week after RAW, where Batista attacked Cena.  You know, the same video package they showed us earlier in the night.  Next up, John Cena will take on Ted DiBiase… Jr.

We come back to Josh Matthews standing by with Carl Edwards saying that he’s going to leave his mark on RAW.  So, he tells us all that he’s going to let the Elimination Chamber matches go against one another in singles matches.  WWE Champion Sheamus vs Randy Orton, Ted DiBiase vs Kofi Kingston, and Triple H vs John Cena.  “The road to Wrestlemania is really heating up, so gentlemen? Start your engines.”

And now, it’s Ted DiBiase vs John Cena!  And, just because I smile every time I read it here, I get to do it now…

SHABADOO!!!!

John gets in the ring and immediately attacks Ted, throwing him out of the ring.  He then runs Ted right into the security wall.  Then he puts Ted in the STF, and Ted taps out (I think Jerry said ‘Rhodes’ here…), but the match hasn’t even started, so it doesn’t mean a thing.  Ted’s lying there like he’s passed out, and John looks upset.  So, John grabs a mic.

John says he didn’t come here to have a match and he’s not wasting no more time.  He calls out Batista, saying he doesn’t wanna know why he did it and that he can’t change it, and that he just wants to fight him.  And, apparently, Batista was sent to take John out.  It didn’t work, and Cena’s STILL HERE!  John then offers for Batista to come on out and finish the job.  He then says he’s not going anywhere until Batista comes out and finishes the job.  Then, we go to a commercial, because RAW is commercial happy tonight.

We come back to John talking immediately, saying that after such a big weekend, Batista won’t even come to RAW.  That means he’s either scared for his life, which he should be… But now that Cena thinks about it, maybe the attack was a business decision.  When Cena hears those words, he gets confuse-I mean, one person comes to mind: Vince McMahon.  He reminds us that he called Vince pathetic, and that since Vince doesn’t take too kindly to being embarrassed, it only makes sense that Batista would attack him.  Since he can’t fight Batista, he’d like to talk to Vince McMahon.

I’m not going to steal the next part and tell you all to look busy, but Vince does seem to be in a good mood.  Oh, goodie, and he’s brought security.  John looks to be struggling as he counts them. Sorry, I’m apparently in an insulting mood…

Vince then asks what Cena has to say.  Cena seems to not believe that there are ten security guards there, and says that it’s sad that Vince thinks ten security guards are enough to stop him, and next time he should come out with a tank.  Cena then puts up the ultimatum: come in the ring without them so they can talk, or send them in so Cena can take them out and get angrier, like Hulk!

Vince gets into the ring, alone.  Vince says that he is the ultimate, SUPREME! Alpha male.  The crowd disagrees.  Vince then says that when God created the heavens and the earth, He had Vince in mind instead of Adam.  He admits that he brought out Batista, and the reason is that he screwed Bret Hart again.  And he reminds us that he spit right in Bret’s face, and he says that it felt good.  He then claims he has nothing to do with Batista attacking John.  Then John asks if it was just a convenient attack, and why.  Vince says maybe it’s because John eliminated him in the Royal Rumble, or maybe he just doesn’t like John.  A lot of people don’t like John.  Vince doesn’t like John, or his shirts, or his GI Joe lookin’ jaw, or even the Louisiana crowd.  Business-wise, however, he likes John.

John then gets in his face and says that the people cheer for him and not Vince, because all Vince cares about is the money.  He says that Vince took a good guy like Batista and paid him off.  He says Vince does this for the money, and John does it because he loves it, and for the moment.  For moments like standing in the middle of Louisiana right after the Saints win the Superbowl and feel their energy.

He says he does it for moments when he can go to Wrestlemania, when it’s crunch time, and can hold up the WWE Championship, and that these people watch it for the moment! Oh, my bad, we people.  He says that Ted DiBiase gave his all for it, for the moment.  Hall of Famers like… Bret Hart.  Cena then says he talked to Bret last week, and Bret wants another moment.  Last week, Cena heard Bret say something he never thought he’d say again: He would like to wrestle another match.  Bret “The Hitman” Hart would like to wrestle another match at Wrestlemania, and he wants his opponent to be Vince McMahon.

Vince speaks again, and says that that is the one thing Bret doesn’t want.  John then says, “Yes… he does.”  Here is Vince’s moment, and the spotlight is on him.  The Chairman has a chance to have a Wrestlemania moment.  Yes? No? The money? or the moment?  And then John tries to walk off.  Vince stops him and says that he is about the money and about the moment.  He really doesn’t think that Bret wants any of him, and he thinks John is wrong.  John asks yes or no.  Bret wants to ‘dance’ with Vince at Wrestlemania 26.  Vince then gets sick of John talking and says yes, to his face.  John says well now, thanks for telling it to our faces, him, Louisiana, and the WWE Universe.  Now, he just has one more person to tell.

Vince says that he knows that Bret is in some igloo in Canada, freezing his toosh off, and reminds him that he doesn’t want any of it at Wrestlemania 26 because, maybe, he doesn’t wanna be embarrassed again like he was… last week?  Then, they go to the video package of last week, when Bret attacked Vince, and Batista held Bret, and Vince spit on Bret and… you all remember, I hope.  They’ve only showed it all week and all night.

Oh, it came back.  Vince says that is exactly why Bret Hart doesn’t want any of this.  Vince is interrupted by the crowd cheering, and Bret Hart comes in through the crowd!!  He starts wailing on Vince, but security comes up, so Bret takes them on and Vince walks away, up to the top of the ramp.  Vince then says that he changed his mind, and he says no to Wrestlemania, because Bret deserves to be screwed.  Of course, Bret started up the ramp with a steel chair, and Vince was saying the answer was now no because Bret deserved to be screwed.  Then, Bret walks up and starts destroying stuff, ripping out wires.  Sparks fly, literally, and Bret just stands there to listen to the crowd cheer for him for a minute before walking back to the ring.  Bret then walks over to the announce table and starts destroying their stuff, nearly hitting Jerry with a monitor before flipping the table over.  Then, finally, he climbs into the ring.

Finally, after a few minutes of just standing there in the ring, they play his music and he plays it up to the crowd a little bit.

Another explosive episode of RAW!! Thanks to the wonderful folks at BWF for letting me guest host again!!