Home ▸ RAW ▸ WWE RAW review – 1/19/09

Oh what a joyous day!  Today is Martin Luther King, Jr. day, and it’s only fitting that tomorrow morning is the inauguration of the first black president in United States history, Barack Obama.  I’m counting down the hours until Dubya is gone, but for our purposes today, that’s pretty irrelevant.

Today is also joyous for another reason – Mr. McMahon returns to Monday Night RAW!  It’s fitting, perhaps, that the last time Mr. McMahon was on WWE television was also the last time I had to write a review of RAW the way I’m doing tonight – I’ll be writing most of it here at home, then finishing it once I get to work.  For you early adopters of the BoredWrestlingFan brand of Sports Entertainment coverage, no, the power was never turned back on at my job – in fact, the place is now out of business.  I started a new job doing exactly what I was doing before – sadly for less money.

Anyways, you’re not here to read about my life (I’ve got ThinkSoJoE’s Thoughts for that!), you’re here to read about Monday Night RAW!  Fear not, loyal readers, the results are after the jump!

RAW kicks off with the usual MLK day video package.  We’re then treated to a recap of Mr. McMahon’s accident. The RAW intro plays, the pyro goes off, and we’re live from the Allstate Arena in Chicago, IL!

Randy Orton makes his way out for a 6 man over-the-top rope challenge.  We’re reminded that “Voices” by Rev Theory will be available on the next iteration of WWE The Music, due in stores next Tuesday.  Also participating in the match are Kofi Kingston, Kane, Santino, and sporting a new remixed theme song, Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase.

Randy Orton wins a 6 man over-the-top-rope challenge

Kane goes after Orton early, but the Legacy soon gang up on him.  Santino steps in, and tells Legacy that they’re a team before getting dumped out by Ted DiBiase.  DiBiase and Rhodes toss out Kofi, before Rhodes gets eliminated by Kane.  Kane thinks he’s eliminated DiBiase, but he hangs on.  Kane tries to force Orton over the top, but DiBiase sacrifices himself, eliminating himself and Kane at the same time, giving Orton the victory.

Still to come, it’s the contract signing for the World Heavyweight Championship match at the Royal Rumble.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

CM Punk is warming up backstage, he’s got another crack at William Regal’s Intercontinental Championship in a no-dq match later tonight.

Right now, however, Kelly Kelly is wearing a modified Blackhawks jersey to suck up to the fans and is about to get destroyed by somebody from Patrick Kane’s hometown of Buffalo, Beth Phoenix!

Beth Phoenix def. Kelly Kelly

Well.  That was quick.  In the time I took to type the intro for this match, Beth beat Kelly with a facebuster.

Legacy are backstage.  Cody Rhodes says that there’s a rumor going around that Stephanie McMahon is going to fire Randy Orton.  Orton says we’ll see about that.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Last week, Dubya recieved a WWE Championship belt and a personal letter from Mr. McMahon.  Mr. McMahon returns tonight.  Also, Rey Mysterio takes on Mike Knox.

Beth Phoenix is backstage, and meets up with Santino.  He says that he’s got a special surprise present for her.  She wants to know what it is – it’s Rosa Mendez!  Beth wants to know what she’s doing there.  Santino got her an internship.  Mendez says she wants to become a WWE Diva, and she’ll do whatever Beth says.  Santino says “Pleeeeeeease?  Can we keep her!?”  Beth says she’ll think about it and walks away.  Santino says he knows how Mendez can impress the Glamazon, and she can do it tonight.

Backstage, Stephanie is on the phone, apparently with a babysitter.  She’s soon joined by Randy Orton, who thinks she did the right thing when she fired Chris Jericho.  It was inappropriate how he talked to her.  She says not to worry, she’s not going to fire Orton.  He can stop sucking up and get out of her office.  Sucking up?  Orton was being nice.  He’s not worried about Stephanie firing her.  If anyone needs to worry about being fired, it’s her, since her dad is coming back tonight.  Orton goes off on her, the point being that she’d be a nobody if she weren’t a McMahon.  Steph slaps Orton, and he leaves.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Next monday, it’s the world television premiere of 12 Rounds.  Or the trailer, or something.  I don’t know.  Don’t really care, either.

CM Punk is rocking the home field advantage for his IC Title match tonight, and is carrying the flag of Chicago to prove it.  His opponent, William Regal, is from nowhere near Chi-town, and is accompanied by Layla.

CM Punk def. William Regal to win the Intercontinental Championship

It’s all Punk early on in this contest, until Regal rolls outside the ring.  Then, it’s still all Punk, who knees Regal in the head when Regal goes for a suplex.  Punk seems determined to win the IC belt tonight.  The Straight Edge Superstar continues to go for pinfalls and submissions, but Regal refuses to let Punk win the match this early.  Punk locks in an armbar, and Regal reaches the ropes, but since it’s no DQ, Punk refuses to let go, yelling that he’s going to break Regal’s arm as we go to…

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Punk has Regal in a compromising position, tied up in the ropes with a submission hold.  The referee had already counted to five, but who cares, this is a no-DQ match.  Layla helps the ref out, pulling Punk loose from the hold.  Regal takes over, and sandwiches Punk’s head between the steel ringpost and the IC Champ’s boot.  Regal then locks in a full nelson, but Punk breaks it, and starts firing off at the 2008 King of the Ring.  Regal blocks a kick, punches Punk in the midsection, but then eats the kick to the head anyway, giving Punk a two count.  Punk goes for the knee/bulldog combination, but Regal reverses it and drops Punk on his head.  Regal kicks the challenger in the head a couple of times before making a pin attempt, which Punk kicks out of at two.  Regal starts firing away at Punk, and stops to tell the referee that he can’t do anything, which gives Punk enough time to recover and toss Regal down from the top rope.  Punk gets Regal up, and drops him with the GTS for the victory!  New Intercontinental Champion!

After the match, Punk celebrates his victory amongst his hometown fans.

Last Monday, HBK defeated John Cena.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Jerry “The King” Lawler is in the ring to moderate the contract signing.  There’s a table, two chairs, and a red carpet in the ring, which likely means that somebody is going to get a beat down.

JBL and HBK make their way out to the ring for the signing.  They’re followed out by John Cena.  King says that once the documents are signed, it’s official.  Cena signs first, and JBL picks up the contract, and signs it.  He then takes the microphone.  He says that it’s official – the reign of JBL as World Champion is just a matter of time.  Cena says that JBL is a scumbag and needs to get over himself.  Cena doesn’t even want to talk to him.  He came out here to talk to HBK (really?  I thought he came out here to sign a contract!)  JBL says that Cena doesn’t get to talk to HBK.  HBK’s only job is to support JBL at the Rumble.  Cena says he knows JBL isn’t wasting all that cash to just have HBK stand in his corner.  Cena says he tried to accept and support HBK’s decision, but he doesn’t understand it anymore.  Cena didn’t compete against an employee last week – he looked into the eyes of the showstopper.  HBK’s still got it.  Cena thought that maybe HBK was siding with JBL because he was secretly hurt or lost a step, but he hasn’t.  He’s Mr. WrestleMania, not JBL’s puppet.  JBL says that an employee is not a puppet.  He knows HBK is still as good as he’s ever been, and that’s why he hired him.  JBL’s employees work for him because they want to, not to mention he pays them well.  He hired HBK to ensure he becomes World Champion so that he can return to Texas to main event WrestleMania as the champion.  It’s not rocket science.  It’s not personal, it’s a business decision.  HBK takes the mic and tells JBL to shut up.  The idea that he has to take money from a disgusting individual like JBL makes him sick.  He despises what he’s become – but he does it, and will continue to do it.  Cena, Cena doesn’t live in HBK’s world.  He’s not 20 anymore, he’s got obligations and pressures that Cena couldn’t possibly fathom.  He’s got two kids he wants to put through college.  He’s got a wife whose life savings he squandered along with his.  Cena doesn’t live HBK’s life.  HBK got himself into this and will get himself out of it.  Judge him if you want, but he’ll do what he has to do, even if that means taking money from JBL.  If that costs Cena the World Championship, so be it.  Cena doesn’t believe him.  HBK has the ability to be better than anybody else.  Everybody wants to see HBK, not this guy.  Will HBK really be the guy who helps JBL become the World Heavyweight Champion?  After what Cena saw last week, HBK’s still got it, and he knows he won’t help JBL.  HBK says he’s sorry Cena feels that way.  He swings at Cena, and JBL comes in on the attack. HBK misses Sweet Chin Music, but Cena eats a big boot from JBL.  HBK leaves, and JBL delivers a Clothesline from Hell on the World Champion.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Two weeks ago, Mike Knox attacked Rey Mysterio.  Last week, he did it again, but Rey turned the tables on him.

Rey makes his way out to the ring for his match with Knox, who is backstage with Todd Grisham.  What does Knox have against Rey?  Nothing.  Then why is he attacking him?  He doesn’t know, nor does he have a reason.  Knox makes his way out and we’re ready for action.

Rey Mysterio def. Mike Knox via Disqualification

Mysterio tries to stick and move, but he moves straight into a Mike Knox clothesline.  Knox assaults Rey Rey relentlessly.  Mysterio battles back and goes for a 619, but he must have misdialed, because Knox caught him and slammed him to the canvas.  Knox went back to the all out assault – and gets himself disqualified for it.

After the match, Knox drops Mysterio with his finisher.

Backstage, Stephanie McMahon walks into her office to find a waiting Chris Jericho.  She tells him to get out – he says he’s not going anywhere.  After he got fired last week, he called Mr. McMahon’s office and told them that he thought that firing the 2008 Superstar of the year was pretty damned stupid.  Mr. McMahon told him he’d be able to state his case as soon as the Chairman walks through the door.  Jericho promises not to hold anything back.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

SmackDown Rebound:  Jeff Hardy blows up.

Michael Cole ponders if the accidents happening to Jeff Hardy really are accidents.  Jeff will address the situation this Friday on SmackDown.

Miz and Morrison are in the ring, and they want to prove a point.  They want to beat the guy who won the first Royal Rumble, Hacksaw Jim Duggan.

Yo yo yo yo…

Cryme Tyme come out, and say that Hacksaw has other duties right now.  They have a counter offer for the tag champs though.  It’s a historical time – it’s MLK day, and tomorrow, their boy Obama is being sworn in.  As such, Cryme Tyme want a title shot, and they want it tonight.  Miz and Morrison say that they don’t deserve a title shot, they’re worse than the Cubs.  JTG calls them “silly white boys” and explains that they want to earn a title shot.  If they beat Miz and Morrison tonight, they get a crack at the belts, but if they lose, they’ll never bother them again.  Miz and Morrison accept, because when it comes to beating Cryme Tyme, “Yes We Can!”

Cryme Tyme def. Miz and Morrison.

It’s apparently short match night on RAW.  Cryme Tyme won this one in about 3 minutes.

Earlier, Stephanie McMahon slapped Randy Orton.

Still to come, Mr. McMahon returns.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

We come back to a rundown of the Royal Rumble card and an explanation of how the Rumble works, followed by the cool “by the numbers” thing they did last year, updated to include the 2008 Rumble.

You don’t have to wait until Sunday to order the Royal Rumble, either.  You can order in advance on WWE.com!

Cody Rhodes is wondering why he should take career advice from Mickie James.  She says it’s because she’s been Women’s Champion four times.  Goldust shows up, and says he wants to offer Cody some advice.  If he wants to learn how to be a true champion, maybe he should watch the Best of Starrcade DVD.  Cody tells him that he joined up with Orton for many reasons, mostly so he didn’t wind up like Dustin.  He’s going to surpass their dad, just like Orton did his, and when they make the Cody Rhodes DVD, he’ll make sure to send Dustin and Dusty their own copies.

Back in the parking lot, a limo has just pulled up.  Could this be the Chairman?

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Jillian Hall is singing horribly when we come back.  She’s interrupted by a recap of Rosa Mendez’s attack on Melina last week that led to an assault by The Glamazon.  Speaking of Melina, she’s Jillian’s opponent tonight.

Melina def. Jillian

Jillian gets aggressive early on, and Glamarella show up with Rosa Mendez in tow.  Jillian continues the offense, but Melina scores with a Sunset Flip for the victory!

Rosa jumps into the ring after the match and attacks Melina.  Beth comes in, shoving Mendez aside, and hits her facebuster finisher on Melina.  She says she doesn’t need anyone’s help to beat Beth this Sunday.  A pissed off Beth walks right past the waiting arms of Santino.

Dolph Ziggler is bragging to Candice about how people will know the name…  Mr. McMahon walks in, and introduces himself to Ziggler.  When asked his name by the Chairman, Dolph is rendered speechless.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

In case you missed it: JBL and HBK assaulted John Cena earlier tonight.

“No Chance in Hell” plays over the PA, and out from the backstage area comes the Chairman of World Wrestling Entertainment, Vincent Kennedy McMahon!  The fans give him a warm ovation, and he says that he’s happy to be back.  That’s besides the point, tonight is about business.  Here’s a guy who is a former superstar with a grievance.  So let’s give him a public forum to address his grievance.  Jericho’s music hits, and he makes his way to the ring to meet with Mr. McMahon.  They compliment each other’s suits, and Jericho thanks the boss for hearing him out.  Jericho talks about how he’s carried RAW on his back since Mr. McMahon’s accident, but then Stephanie fired him.  He knows Mr. McMahon will reinstate him and give him his place back in the Royal Rumble.  Mr. McMahon was watching last week, and knows Steph can be a little impulsive.  Does Jericho not think she’s done well in running the show?  Jericho thinks she’s regressed.  Mr. McMahon says, “let’s bring her out.”  He doesn’t want to go over her head.  He’s thinking of reinstating Chris Jericho, the Superstar of the Year.  But, he’s not!  He’s not going to fire Stephanie either.  In fact, he and Steph will run RAW together!  If Steph wants to give Jericho a second chance, she can.  She tells Jericho that if he wants his job back, he needs to apologize.  She threatens to have security take him out.  He says he’s sorry.  She says for him to speak up.  He said he’s sorry.  She says he’ll have to do better.  He says he’s sorry for speaking out of turn.  He was frustrated at himself and shouldn’t have taken it out on her.  He hopes she can find it in her heart to please forgive him.  She says it’s good – but not good enough.  She says he’s been calling the fans hypocrites for months, and he’s about to become one himself – he needs to apologize to them if he wants his job back.  The fans chant “On your knees,” which Stephanie clarifies for Jericho.  Jericho obliges, and says he’s got to explain something – he has a gift, and when you have that gift, it may seem like he’s being arrogant or that he thinks he’s better than anybody else.   He’s said a lot of mean things about the fans.  If he offended us, then he apologizes.  Stephanie says she’ll see him at the Rumble.  Now he can make the long walk backstage and let the Chitown faithful tell them what they really think of him.  Mr. McMahon loves to see Jericho grumble like that.

Randy Orton’s music hits, and he makes his way to the ring, still holding his face from the slap earlier.  Orton thinks Stephanie owes him an apology.  She slapped him for no reason, so he thinks that Mr. McMahon should make her apologize to him.  Vince asks why – Randy says he’s worth more than she is, because people pay to see him, not her.  And since she’s given Vinny Mac a couple grandkids, she’s become essentially worthless.  Mr. McMahon sends Stephanie away, and asks Orton who the hell he thinks he is.  He’s standing in Mr. McMahon’s universe, and that’s a priviledge.  If he hadn’t given Orton a chance, he may have been a gym teacher in St. Louis.  What Mr. McMahon is saying is that Orton can apologize to him.  He says for Orton to apologize or else he’ll be terminated on the spot.  Then my DVR cut out.  Damned RAW overrun.  I even set the thing for 11:15.  Oh well, that’s what WWE.com is for, right?  Anyways, Orton tells him he doesn’t want to do that.  McMahon goes to tell Orton he’s fired, but Orton slaps him in the face, and then delivers a punt to the head of the Chairman!   The King asks for help as RAW, I guess, goes off the air!

My thoughts: I hate the fact that I have to leave my house to go to work at 10:30 again.  I was spoiled when I was working days and able to watch the whole show without having to leave in the middle of it.  The RAW overrun has been pretty long lately – last week I caught all of the HBK/Cena match, but this week I missed about 3 minutes after setting the damned thing to 11:15 instead of my usual choice of 11:10.  It’s hard to do these reviews this way too.  I intended to try and watch the show online after I left the house, but I couldn’t grab a connection at work on my laptop.  I came home exhausted, but I had to get this finished for you guys.  Hope you enjoyed it!

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