Home ▸ RAW ▸ WWE RAW Review – 4/6/09

Before I get started, I want to thank the entire BoredWrestlingFan staff for all of their contributions to WrestleMania week.  Overall we finished with 331 page views on the week, which is more than we had in some of our early months here.  Great job, guys!  Tonight on RAW, we’ll see a 10 Diva tag team match with five of RAW’s Divas vs. five of SmackDown’s Divas.  We’ll see Miz and Morrison get their chance at redemption as they get a rematch with Carlito and Primo for the unified tag team championships, and according to Joey Styles himself, tonight’s RAW Main Event is an “All-Star WrestleMania Tag”:  Cena, Hardy, Punk, Dragon and Mysterio vs. Edge, Show, Hardy, Jericho and Kane (source:  twitter.com/WWEJoeyStyles).  There’s also been a rumor that Randy Orton might be getting another chance at the WWE Championship as well, but again, it’s only a rumor.

Will anybody bother to step up and try to top HBK/Undertaker as a potential Match of the Year?  We’ll find out tonight!  Results after the jump!

Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event here tonight – Even if the third-to-last match stole the show.

We kick things off tonight with a photo slide show of WrestleMania 25.

I hear voices in my head… They tell me I need to see a psychiatrist.

Randy Orton makes his way to the ring holding his jaw after being blasted in the skull by Triple H with a sledgehammer last night.  He doesn’t know what sickens him more – the fact that Triple H used a sledgehammer to beat him last night, or the fact that the people enjoyed every second of it.  He thinks it’s good the people have a moment of happiness in their otherwise miserable lives, but the fact is, last night proved nothing.  Triple H knows he can’t beat Orton on his own.  Orton will get his rematch.  The McMahon family owes it to him, the company owes it to him, and all of these people owe it to him, and when he gets it, he will beat Triple H and take his rightful place as WWE Champion.  May God help the McMahon family if they decide to get in his way again.  He bashed the old man and his son in the skull.  He RKO’d and DDT’d Stephanie.  What’s next?  Maybe he attends a McMahon family outing.  He hasn’t seen Linda in a while, he’s sure she’d be happy to see him.  Better yet, how about he finally introduces himself to the McMahon family grandchildren?  That would be nice…

No chance, that’s what you’ve got…

Grandpa McMahon makes his way down to the ring with an angry look on his face.  He enters, but Orton exits.  Orton wants to run his mouth, threaten Mr. McMahon’s family?  He wants to get his hands on a McMahon so bad, here’s one right here!   McMahon challenges Orton to get back into the ring, but he won’t give him another championship match.  He doesn’t deserve it.  Mr. McMahon tells him he’ll get some Backlash though.  Orton, DiBiase, and Rhodes against Triple H, Shane McMahon, and Mr. McMahon himself later this month at Backlash.  Orton isn’t surprised, Mr. McMahon is terrified of Randy Orton.  McMahon says Orton is terrified because Legacy isn’t out there by his side right now.  Without them, Orton is nothing more than a failure.  Orton challenges Mr. McMahon to a match tonight.  Would he be a failure then?  He doesn’t need Rhodes and DiBiase to beat McMahon tonight.  Orton says he thinks he might have his WrestleMania moment a day late when he permanently puts Mr. McMahon down.  What does Mr. McMahon say?  “You know what?  You may permanently put me down, you may put me in a coma for all I know, but, Randy, maybe you’ll put me in a coma, maybe you’ll put me down forever, maybe you’ll beat the holy hell out of me, and then again, maybe you won’t!  You’re on!”

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Next week is the WWE Draft.  A bit earlier this year than it was last year.  WWE Superstars surround the ring, and we’re set for a rematch of the WrestleMania pre-show.  Former World Tag Team Champions, The Miz and John Morrison look naked without their titles and are looking to get their championships – and those of Carlito and Primo – back tonight.  The Unified WWE Tag Team Champions hit the ring sporting two belts each, and we’re ready to go.

Carlito & Primo def. The Miz & John Morrison to retain the WWE Unified Tag Team Championship

This match was on early last night – so early, in fact, that it was on before the show.  Yet Kid Rock could take up 15 minutes of my time.  At least tonight, it’s made it on to the show.  Interestingly enough, when John Morrison got thrown out of the ring near Hawkins and Ryder, the heel duo put the boots to him.  They also attacked Primo when he got tossed out there.  Maybe they’re just mad at everybody who gets put on TV every week, seeing as they haven’t been seen in months.  All hell breaks loose, leading to Morrison moonsaulting a number of lumberjacks.  In the end, Carlito breaks out of an attempted Electric Chair Drop by Miz and nails him with the Back Stabber for the victory.

Mr. McMahon is getting ready for his match when Shane walks in.  Shane makes sure he’s got it right, at Backlash it’s a six man.  Mr. McMahon says he’s right, but he never backs down from a challenge and he’s not going to do it tonight.  He knows that if Rhodes and DiBiase get involved, Shane’s got his back.  But he wants to do this on his own.

Up next, the WWE Divas waste our time again.

Speaking of wastes of time, the WWE is still trying to shove 12 Rounds down our throats.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

“So Hott” by Kid Rock was one of the official theme songs of WrestleMania last night.  It also gave them an excuse to waste 15 minutes that could have been better used to, I don’t know, air the Unified Tag Team Championship match on a Kid Rock performance.

Lillian Garcia is excited about this upcoming match.  Nobody else is though.  The RAW Divas hit the ring first, followed by the SmackDown Divas and we’re set for another waste of time more Divas action.

This match is actually somewhat notable – it’s Gail Kim’s first appearance on RAW since she left the company for TNA.  Other than that, it’s just a waste of ten minutes.  Apparently, later on tonight we’ll hear from Miss WrestleMania, Santina Marella, the twin sister of Santino.  All hell breaks loose, as it normally does in this type of match, and Mickie James picks up the victory over Natalya.

Shane McMahon meets up with Triple H backstage.  He wants Triple H to talk Vince out of wrestling Orton tonight.

Up next, it’s our main event!  Cena, Mysterio, Punk, Jeff Hardy, and Steamboat vs. Jericho, Edge, Matt Hardy, Big Show, and Kane!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Last night, Rey Mysteri-Joker defeated JBL in less than a minute, prompting JBL to quit!

Jeff Hardy’s music kicks in, and he limps his way up to the stage before hobbling down to the ring.  He took a few killer bumps last night and looks to be feeling it.  He’s followed out by Mr. Money in the Bank, CM Punk.  Intercontinental Champion Rey Mysterio is the next one out, followed by WWE Hall of Famer Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat.  Finally, the new World Heavyweight Champion John Cena makes his way to the ring.  Chris Jericho is out first for his team and is stared down by Steamboat.  Kane is out next, followed pretty quickly by Matt Hardy, who doesn’t seem as hurt as brother Jeff from last night.  The Big Show follows, and one of his WrestleMania opponents, the former World Heavyweight Champion, Edge is the last one out.  This HUGE clusterf*#k of a match is up next!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

I’m so tired of these 10 man tag matches on RAW.  Everyweek we get at least one.  They’re boring and predictable.  Hell, I might as well just type “in the end, all hell breaks loose, allowing _____ to hit ________ on ______ for the victory!” and go grab a sandwich.  When Steamboat gets tagged in, he battles with Edge as the fans chant “you still got it!”  Even when Kane comes in, The Dragon holds his own – and infact takes down the entire other team, save for The Big Show.  Kane finally catches him and tags in Jericho, who slaps Steamboat around a bit before tagging in The Big Show, who takes over while trash talking Steamboat, who has the entire crowd behind him, chanting “Let’s Go Steamboat!”  Jericho gets the tag in, dominating for a bit before Steamboat avoids the Walls of Jericho and tags in CM Punk.  Punk puts up a good fight against the other team before tagging in Jeff Hardy, who shows no sign of being hurt once the adrenaline kicks in.  All hell breaks loose, allowing Rey Mysterio to hit a 619 on Jericho and Edge.  Steamboat and Mysterio climb to the top and fly off at the same time, Steamboat landing on Edge and Mysterio landing on Jericho for the victory!

During the post match celebration, Punk shoots a glare in the direction of John Cena before everybody leaves Ricky Steamboat to pose for the fans.

Backstage, Vince McMahon tells Triple H he don’t want to hear it.  Triple H calls him stubborn, obnoxious, and overly aggressive SOB’s he’s ever met, but he’s proud of him.  He just wants Vince to do him a favor – “Finish it.”

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

EXCUSE ME!  Vickie Guerrero is saying something, but I can’t hear her over the boos.  Apparently, after WrestleMania, she had the opportunity to choose either RAW or SmackDown to be the GM of.  She’s decided to become the permanent GM of Monday Night RAW!  RAW has become stale, and she feels she could be a breath of fresh air with her own unique thinking and a decree of fairness and profesionalism.  Edge will have a mandatory rematch for the World Heavyweight Championship at Backlash.  It will be Edge’s last chance at regaining his championship.  As far as the WWE Championship is concerned, the six man tag team match at Backlash will be a championship match.  If anybody on Triple H team wins, Triple H will retain, but if anybody from Legacy wins, than Randy Orton becomes WWE Champion.  Once again, thank you for graciously welcoming Vickie as your new General Manager.  She’s got more to say – the Edge/Cena match will be a Last Man Standing match.

Last night, Shawn Michaels and The Undertaker brought the house down!  We get another WrestleMania slideshow.

Orton is getting ready for his match backstage.  That’s later on tonight.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

This past Saturday was the WWE Hall of Fame.  I have it on my DVR but haven’t watched it yet.

You look soooo… good to me!

Santina Marella, Miss WrestleMania, says that her brother’s heart was broken when he couldn’t participate in the 25 Diva’s Battle Royal, she took it upon herself to try and cheer him up by winning the title of Miss WrestleMania for the family.  She wonders what her future holds.  Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model?  String bikinis in the beaches of the Carribean?  Whatever, the words “Santina Marella, Miss WrestleMania” sounds great to “her.”  Beth Phoenix and Rosa Mendez make their way to the ring, and Santina introduces herself to Beth.  Beth tells “her” to cut the crap.  “She’s” embarassing “herself” in front of all these people and shouldn’t ever let Beth catch her in the Diva’s locker room.  She eliminated Beth last night.  Santina says Beth is jealous, because Santina is more of a woman than Beth will ever be.  Beth asks if Santina is man enough to face her.  Santina calls for a referee, and we’re set for action!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

During the break, Santina danced to Kid Rock’s “So Hott.”

Santina def. Beth Phoenix

In a hilariously enjoyable match, Santina defeats Beth pretty quickly.

Mr. McMahon vs. Randy Orton is next!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Did You Know? I really don’t care about your useless facts, WWE.

Randy Orton makes his way out first.  Guess the boss has to get the huge anticipation pop.  Mr. McMahon comes out on his own, as promised, and we’re ready for our RAW Main Event

Mr. McMahon vs. Randy Orton

McMahon takes Orton down with a couple of slaps to the bruised face of Orton.  He guns for the giant bruise before kicking and punching Orton relentlessly while trash talking.  Things spill to the outside, and Mr. McMahon slams Orton’s face off the announce table a couple of times.  Orton looks like a little bitch, getting tossed around by a 63 year old man.  When the match finally gets back in the ring, Orton drops McMahon with his inverted neckbreaker, then takes over.  He eventually drops the chairman with an RKO, and sets up for the punt, or as VinceRussoWatchesHisBeardGrow.com‘s Green Teabagger calls it, The Randy Orton Super Magic Mega Kick of Final Ultimate Death!!!, but Shane McMahon trips him up.  Legacy come out to attack Shane, and The Game comes out to make the save.  The Game holds his own, but it’s essentially three on one, and too much for Triple H.  Suddenly, Batista’s music hits.  The Animal hits the ring and cleans house!  As Legacy retreats, Mr. McMahon takes a microphone and says that he’s not going to make it to Backlash.  Taking his place will be The Animal, Dave Batista!  Orton throws a fit up on the stage as Batista’s music blares through the arena.

My thoughts:

Please do something to fix RAW with the draft next week.  Batista coming back was actually kind of surprising, but it would’ve been nice to see somebody debut or something instead of a big return.  The 10-man this week was actually pretty entertaining, and as the fans pointed out, Ricky Steamboat has “still got it.”  That’s all I got this week.  I’ll see you guys tonight for ECW!

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