Here are the results.

The Motor City Machine Guns defeated Generation Me to retain the Tag Team Championship titles. Yes!

Tara defeated Madison Rayne, Angelina Love, and Velvet Sky to become the new Knockouts champion. Madison Rayne is not pleased, and a possible alliance was teased between Tara and the special guest referee, Mickie James.

Ink, Inc. defeated Orlando Jordan and Eric Young.

Jay Lethal defeated Douglas Williams to retain the X-Division Championship. Post-match, Lethal celebrated with the crowd, and was jumped by The Shore. Robbie E and Cookie took the title belt, dragged Lethal to the ring, and beat him down. They called Lethal a shame and disgrace to New Jersey, and announced that Robbie E would win the X-Division title and give it proper Jersey class.

Rob Van Dam defeated Abyss. This was a “Monster’s Ball” match. For some reason. The original gimmick has been completely lost, now it’s just another term for a generic hardcore match.

Kevin Nash, Sting, and “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero defeated Samoa Joe and Jeff Jarrett. Jarrett bailed on Joe and walked away, leaving him to be jack knife power bombed by Nash for the win. I guess this was Nash’s “leaving TNA” present/demand/requirement.

Team 3D announced their retirement. They want to go out with one last match, against the best tag team in the company. Since the Motor City Machine Guns have the titles, that means them. Interesting.

EV 2.0 (Tommy Dreamer, Raven, Stevie Richards, Sabu, and Rhino) w/ Mick Foley defeated Fortune (AJ Styles, Kazarian, Matt Morgan, Robert Roode, and James Storm) w/ Ric Flair. This was a “Lethal Lockdown” match, and Fortune had the man advantage coming in. Some will rail against it for being awful, but I really enjoyed the way that EV 2.o won the match. On top of the cage, a table, a ladder, and random things were placed, one of which was a body bag. When Kazarian tried to hit a move off of the ladder, Brian Kendrick popped out of the body bag and stopped him. Then Kendrick went all New Age crazy. Hey, it’s fun! Leave me alone!

Jeff Hardy defeated Kurt Angle and Mr. Anderson to become the new World Heavyweight Champion. Whether Angle retires or not remains to be seen, as the circumstances of the match leave tremendous room for protest. We know who “They” is now. Yup. The main event World Heavyweight championship title match of the biggest pay-per-view of the year, TNA’s “Wrestlemania,” ended like this. It was a “no time limit, no DQ” match. All three wrestlers are down and out. Eric Bischoff walks to the ring carrying a steel chair. Before he can use it, Hulk Hogan’s music plays. The man in his 60s who just had his eighth back surgery since February hobbles out on crutches. Hogan slowly inches to the ring with the help of a security guy, who helps him enter the ring. Bischoff acts shocked. Hogan and Bischoff yell at each other. They fight over Hogan’s crutches. Bischoff ends up with one, and Hogan with the other. Hogan hands Jeff Hardy his crutch. Hardy smashes it over Kurt Angle. Hardy takes Bischoff’s chair and hits Anderson with it, followed by a Twist of Fate. Bischoff drags a referee to mid-ring and forces a count. Bischoff names Hardy the new champ. Jeff Jarrett and Abyss come out and hug Hogan. “They” officially announces themselves. Yes, “They” is Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, Jeff Jarrett, Abyss, and Jeff Hardy. Read that sentence one more time. Dixie Carter is shown looking shocked and completely ineffective at ringside. RVD comes out to try to “talk sense” to Jeff Hardy, and gets a face full of title belt for his effort. Fans, or more likely, “fans” pelt the ring with large quantities of trash. Yup, it’s a remake of “Bash at the Beach” ’96, and in the role of “Hollywood” Hulk Hogan, we have Jeffrey Nero Hardy. Considering who all is in charge, are we really shocked that they would insist on reliving their glory days at the expense of everyone else? Is there any reason to care about what comes next? Unless it’s booked in one very particular way, which I shall describe later, I just can’t see it. One more time, for emphasis.

Yes, “They” is Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, Jeff Jarrett, Abyss, and Jeff Hardy.

That’s it. I give up. I love my BWF bretheren and understand my responsibilities to them. I love what pro wrestling should be in 2010. I want Chris Sabin’s Motor City babies and a regular side fling with Daffney. All that said, I’m done. My brain has melted.

Peace out,



  1. I LOVED the Monsters Ball gimmick when they first started doing it. For those who read this and have no idea what Drow is talking about, the participants in a Monster's Ball match would be locked in a room with no food, water, or anything else, for 24 hours prior to the match, thus enraging them to the point of potential insanity. Yeah, it was still a hardcore match, but watching with suspension of disbelief in tact made you enjoy it that much more.

    Also, I miss when TNA titles could change hands on a count out or disqualification.

    So. "They" are "coming" to TNA, and "They" are all guys who have been with TNA for quite a while now? Shocking. You know, if you're going to say that they're "coming" to TNA, you should have a debut or something. Not just Jeff Jarrett, Jeff Hardy, Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, and Abyss. And potentially that asshole Brutus Cheapskate. I'll stop watching TNA if that guy becomes a part of the group.

  2. Worst nWo ever.


    I watched much of tonight's via stream… but skipped the main event. My brain is somewhat intact still…. melting… melting…

    I read also that Beefcake was on screen at some point.

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