Home ▸ Drowgoddess ▸ CM Punk’s Birthday RAW! 10/26/09

BWF Founder and Fearless Leader ThinkSoJoE is live in attendance at tonight’s RAW! He has left your Empress of “iMPACT” in charge. Be afraid! Join your Reina of RAW, and let’s check out the “Bragging Rights” fall-out.

Away we go!

Side Note: Though not a RAW superstar, today really is CM Punk’s birthday. Everyone here at BWF wishes the best to the straight-edge superstar, and many more!

Recap of Big Show turning on his RAW teammates at “Bragging Rights” and Team “Smackdown” winning.

Opening credits and pyro, and we get Jeri-Show! The Unified tag team champions sport their title belts and Jericho carries the trophy won by Team “Smackdown.” Don’t hold it up, Jericho! That cheap wooden base makes it look even less impressive. Big Show says that he is still a proud member of the RAW team. Jericho says that he doesn’t have to explain himself to these germ incubators. Show says that he has something to tell Jericho. Jericho interrupts Show, and applauds him for stopping the tyranny of DX. Show tries to speak again. Jericho interrupts again. Show cuts him off and announces that the one thing more important to him than his show or the tag team is his own career. He made a deal with Teddy Long. We’re looking at Undertaker’s next opponent for the World Heavyweight title. WHAT??? Jericho is furious! Big Show and Jericho bicker over what Show has to clear with Jericho.

The revving of race cars and the spinning of tires clue us to the entrance of tonight’s guest hosts. Kyle Busch and Joey Logano enter with their cars. Kyle heels it up, taking Show’s side. Joey challenges Show, calling his actions at the ppv “weak.” The in-ring banter is less than stellar, but Joey makes a match between Big Show and Triple H, and Kyle makes a match between Chris Jericho and Kofi Johnson– er, Kingston. Kofi enters with tremendous enthusiasm, and we go to commercial.

Match #1: Chris Jericho vs. Kofi Kingston:

Kofi tries to wrestle, but Jericho keeps bailing out of the ring. Kofi shoves Jericho, but Jericho fights back and dominates. Great dropkick from Kofi! Only a two-count. Jericho targets Kofi’s arm and shoulder. Kofi scores a second two-count on Jericho. Beautiful athleticism on display from Kofi. Suicide dive through the ropes onto Jericho, followed by ten punches in the corner. Jericho drops Kofi with a modified powerbomb from the top rope. The ten count begins. Jericho knocks Kofi to the outside. Commercial break. When we return, Jericho has beaten Kofi non-stop. Kofi fights out and gets a two-and-a-half count. Jericho pins Kofi, but only for two. Jericho smacks Kofi in the head. Repeatedly. Kofi throws Jericho face-first into the corner turnbuckle. Lots of kicks follow. A Boom Drop is followed by Jericho’s counter into the Walls of Jericho, but Kofi kicks out. Nice kick through the ropes by Kofi. Jericho attempts a top rope suplex, but Kofi throws him off. Kofi hits a top rope cross body, but the momentum rolls him over and Kofi kicks out at two. The Walls of Jericho follows. Kofi kicks out. Jericho hits the Code Breaker. Kofi kicks out of that pin too. Jericho thinks that he has won, and struts about the ring. Kofi nails a beautiful Trouble in Paradise, and gets the pin! Post-match, Randy Orton attacks Kofi as Kofi makes his way up the ramp, and throws him down to the floor where the race cars are parked. Huge crowd chants of “Cena! Cena!” Referees check on Kofi. Orton stares.

Winner: Kofi Kingston

To the back! Randy Orton says that he attacked Kofi Kingston because Kofi had no business interfering in his match at the ppv. Randy Orton got justice, and he has only just begun with Kofi Kingston. Legacy turns up, and they have a gift for Randy Orton. A racecar, with Orton’s picture painted all over it. Orton is actually impressed. “You guys actually bought this?” DiBiase points out that he IS the son of the Million Dollar Man. Legacy insists that Orton is still their leader, and that, despite their past issues, they have his back. They have one more surprise for Orton tonight, and it involves John Cena.

To the back! Jack Swagger, everybody’s favorite All-American American, interrupts the guest hosts with a request to be John Cena’s opponent tonight. They hem and haw. Then The Miz turns up, pointing out that, as th emember of RAW who actually won his match last night, he’s the one who deserves a match against Cena. The Miz is getting huge face pop from the audience. Only the other wrestlers and the guest host treat him with disdain.

Melina and Santino Marella walk backstage, posing for the paparazzi.

Sheamus debuts on RAW tonight!!! A huge free agent acquisition, we’re told. Excellent!

Match #2: Melina & Santino Marella vs. Chavo Guerrero & Jillian:

The guys begin. Santino takes over at first, but misses a move and Chavo gets in some offense. Lots of punches. Santino does a cartwheel. Santino is entertaining as hell here. Jillian tags in. Santino doesn’t leave, and Jillian hits him in the face. Hornswoggle shows up, for no clear reason, and does the DX crotch chop everywhere. He causes enough of a distraction that Melina and Santino win. Not much of a match here. Post-match, a man in a suit hands Hornswoggle a green envelope and walks away. It’s a “cease and desist” order from DX to stop wearing their gear and doing their gestures. Hornswoggle looks very sad.

Winners: Melina and Santino Marella

Ring announcer Justin Roberts introduces John Cena, but Legacy enters instead. Cody Rhodes announces that the champ is not here. Cena will just have to wait. DiBiase says that just because Randy Orton can’t fight Cena again for the title doesn’t mean that they can’t. DiBiase challenges Cena directly, not needing to go through any guest hosts. Cena can fight either one of them or both of them in a handicap match. Man up, Cena, and come answer them. Cena’s music plays, and he enters to a huge reaction. Cena speaks in a normal voice, and says that he doesn’t have to brag about what happened last night. Cena can speak for Orton as well when he says that they were both exhausted when the clock timed out. They did it for this – he holds up the title belt. The Cena/Orton rivalry needed to end, and it did. Cody says that they aren’t Orton. Cena says that that’s true, they aren’t, and that they have a lot to learn. Cena asks if the show is going into reruns. He tells them to lace up their boots and wait in line like everybody else. They haven’t earned it. Cena asks the fans if the Baby Oil Boys Club has earned anything. The fans yell, “No!” Cena is a NASCAR fan, and he’s been kickin’ it in the back with the guest hosts, considering making a match for Legacy tonight. Give a large and strong hello to your opponents. Enter Mark Henry and MVP.

Match #3: Legacy vs. Mark Henry & MVP:

We come back from commercial break with the match in progress. Cody Rhodes and MVP go, and Rhodes dominates. MVP clotheslines the hell out of Rhodes, and tags in Henry, who gets a big reaction. Henry holds up Rhodes, but DiBiase sweeps Henry’s leg. Legacy double-teams Henry, and makes use of very quick tags and referee distractions. Rhodes makes the mistake of trying to grapple with Henry. Legacy plants Henry with a double dropkick. Nice. Rhodes tries again to overpower Henry. He must be drunk. MVP tags in, and he and DiBiase go. MVP pins DiBiase with some help from Henry behind the referee’s back. Legacy is furious.

Winners: MVP & Mark Henry

Post-match, Randy Orton’s music plays and he enters the ring. Legacy look concerned. Orton says that he doesn’t care about the stipulations of his match last night, he’ll appeal to the Board of Directors if he has to. He is a four-time champion, and he WILL get a rematch! Kofi Kingston appears on the monitor. He tells Orton that he lost the match, and that no one cares what he has to say. Orton is livid, asking Kofi just who he thinks he is, and to get down here and say it to his face. I dare you! Kofi replies that he already is. The camera pans back, and Kofi is standing on the hood of Orton’s racecar. You know what Kofi loves about these cars? They’re so durable. It’s the little things that do the most damage. Kofi proceeds to key the car mercilessly. He then smashes it up with a crowbar. He ends by dumping red paint all over the hood. Kofi tells Orton that he has never looked better. Kofi was awesomeness personified here, and you just have to see it to believe how great it was! The visual image of Kofi splattered in red paint, standing on the hood of the car, was grand!

Eve Torres is the guest ring announcer. For some reason.

Match #4: Evan Bourne vs. The Miz:

Yes! This could be great. I’m not calling this one, just sit back and enjoy it. Absolutely fantastic in-ring action from both guys. Jack Swagger walks out to the ring during the match. He gets onthe mic and tells The Miz that no one is watching his match. Everyone is watching Eve, or more accurately, watching Eve watching him. Miz goes after Swagger. Bourne takes both men out with a huge top rope cross body, but makes it back in the ring before the ten-count. The Miz does not. Evan Bourne wins by count-out. A very odd count-out. It should have started back over at “1” when Bourne got back in the ring. The Miz chases a laughing Bourne up the ramp, but stops halfway up, and turns his attention to Swagger. Interesting. Is a face turn in the works for The Miz? I hate that this match was used as a plot device, but it could be worse.

Winner by countout: Evan Bourne

Next week’s guest hosts are Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne. Hmm.

Jamie Noble is in the ring already. The guest hosts inform him that he’ll be wrestling RAW’s newest acquisition, Sheamus.

Match #5: Jamie Noble vs. Sheamus:

It’s all power as Sheamus squashes Noble. Is there a whiter man than Sheamus? Even Bryan Danielson looks slightly tanned by comparison. Not that I’m griping, the guy looks impressive and cool, I just need sunglasses. Noble kicks at the knees, but doesn’t accomplish much. A series of backbreakers from Sheamus. It ends with a bicycle kick to the face for Jamie Noble. Jamie Noble is pretty much killed here.

Winner: Sheamus

Jeri-Show is in the ring. Jericho raises the trophy and applauds the Big Show.

Match #6: The Big Show (w/ Chris Jericho) vs. Triple H (w/ Shawn Michaels):

Good Lord, DX is is far more over than they should be! Half these people weren’t even born or were in the cradle when DX originally happened. Trips gets on the mic and tells Big Show that he and the guest hosts forgot to tell Show that the match was changed a bit. It’s a lumberjack match. All the lumberjacks are the members of the RAW team who were screwed over by Big Show at the ppv. Most of the RAW roster comes out and surrounds the ring. HBK gets on the mic, and says that they’re so forgetful. It’s a “No Disqualification” lumberjack match. The lumberjacks can do pretty much whatever they want. Jericho takes his title belts and trophy, and bails through the audience as the lumberjacks come down. Awesome! HBK also tells the referee that he won’t be needed, as they have a special guest referee. John Cena! Massive pop as Cena comes down to the ring.

Returning from commercial break, HHH has knocked Show to the floor, and the lumberjacks had at him. Back and forth match. Nice spear from Show on HHH. Show stands on HHH’s chest repeatedly. More back and forthness, interference from lumberjacks, and so on. Show pins HHH, but Cena counts to two, and stands up, acting as if his hand is injured. Behind Show’s back, Chavo and Primo attack. Show fights them off. All the lumberjacks, faces and heels alike, take their turns attacking Show, with Evan Bourne hitting the most gorgeous Shooting Star Press in the business. Big Show is covered in a blue shirt, and HHH gets the three-count from Cena. 

Winner: Triple H

Post-match, the two guest hosts come out and thank everyone. They announce John Cena’s opponent at “Survivor Series.” They couldn’t agree, but then they found a guy who got them on the same page. That guy is apparently Hornswoggle, who enters and joins them. It’s a Triple Threat match with Cena, Shawn Michaels, and Triple H.

FINAL THOUGHTS: This was Kofi Kingston’s night, and I absolutely loved that! Evan Bourne and The Miz were having a fantastic match that should have gone the distance. The Bourne/Swagger/Miz possibilities are great. Legacy’s relationship with Orton is intriguing. Sheamus is now killing people on RAW. Those are all good things. Not crazy about anything else, but we all have our personal biases as wrestling fans. Hopefully, ThinkSoJoE will post a first-hand account upon his return.

Check back tomorrow for Jason’s ECW review, and again on Thursday to cross the line with yours truly!

Peace out,

Drowgoddess

Like this post? Subscribe to our RSS Feed today and never miss another!