Dear @MATTHARDYBRANDBy thinksojoe · · 7 Comments
Dear Matthew Moore Hardy,
Thank you for all the memories you have given your fans over the years. Thank you for destroying your own body for the sake of entertaining us. Thank you for everything.
I know I haven’t been the nicest person writing about Matt Hardy. I’ve so often called you Fatt Lardy that I once considered starting @FATTLARDYBRAND on Twitter (the guy that’s running it has no affiliation with us, by the way). I’m well aware of your abdominal issues that caused you to put on weight, and I’m well aware that when you got into TNA you busted your ass to get back into shape. Hell, you earned our own G Hall’s respect enough for him to break his TNA iMPACT reviewing rules and stop calling you “Some Internet Guy.” I respect you for that.
Recently, amid rumors of drug problems, you were suspended from TNA Wrestling. You drove your car into a tree, allegedly under the influence of drugs. Then you were fired from TNA Wrestling. Matt, buddy, it’s not the end of the world. People go through things like this, and most of them aren’t as beloved by so many people as Matt Hardy. I saw your recent video, titled “Goodbye,” on YouTube. Matt, whether that was a joke or if it was for real, I think you need serious professional help. Your fans, and even those who don’t really care much for Matt Hardy the entertainer, are worried about you. Please Matt, please seek help before it’s too late.
Thank you for everything,
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I think we need to rebrand him back to Some Internet Guy. Or The Boy Who Cried Internet. Something like that. Fuck.
Or just shoot him. That could work.
If Matt Hardy kills himself, WHO'S GONNA EAT ALL OF THESE CHEESEBURGERS!
Only if the cheeseburgers were laced with peyote.