iMPACT: 12/30/10By G · · 2 Comments
With New Year’s Eve on our doorstep, we should take time to reflect upon the year that was in TNA… actually, if you think about it, no we really shouldn’t. Too much trauma, actually. Let’s just go with the usual Batman KAPOW! style that is iMPACT. This is to be the last episode to spill over into Reaction as well, since Spike announced the Reaction program is no more.
– Tonight’s episode is called, “The Con Game?” And we kick off the show with Mick Foley coming down to the ring to talk, likely about concussions and Anderson, etc. Yep, and Foley asks Ken to come down to the ring… They have a chat about, guess? Begins with a C? Ends with “onussions”? Foley warns Ken not to live in denial, if he’s hurt… man up and take time off. “Think twice, man… because you don’t look ok to me […]” notes Foley as Anderson cuts him off. Anderson shows respect to Foley for his concerns, but “I find it offensive that you would question me… that you would call me a liar!,” Anderson retorts and the tension between the back and forth rises as the tension builds. Anderson actually is in the right here, as his point of view is that if HE feels HE is ok, who is to say he is not.
– Considering how little we actually know about concussions, and the symptoms… aye, that’s the rub. See, we have to rely on athletes being honest and expressing their perception of head trauma to doctors in order to diagnose them. That’s why this angle works for me. Not just because this is a hot topic in the NHL (which you smarks must know, I am a fanboy of), but also in all prosports from American football, football/soccer, rugby, and so forth.
– Matt Morgan, not to be left as the only guy not sending a Hallmark card, “Hey Buddy! I hope your concussion’s ok!” Hardy also brings tidings of respect (he was also the fourth wiseman, but brought the sacred herb to Jah. This is often left out of most nativity scenes). Hardy agrees with Anderson, claiming as a professional, wrestlers should make the call on competing themselves.
– Cut to Orlando Jordan (dressed as Baby New Year) and Eric Young dressed as “Moses” (really he’s Father Time). Kind of funny, as Young spouts off “Thou shalts…” forgotten of the original ten commandments. “Thou shalt eat pizza…” cut to commericals.
DE APPENPLANEET! SOYLENT GREEN?
IST VOLK! IST VOLK!
– Robert Roode w/ James Storm versus Chris Sabin w/ Alex Shelley. This looks to be good bout, that will end in interference or outside brawling. Nonetheless… The two men play well off each other, building the action towards playing off each other’s strengths. And let me be clear here, while Roode plays “the big man,” he plays the role like a true worker. Sabin’s high flying antics are as good as they are (minus a botched crossbody to the outside), because Roode is no slow lumbering hoss.
– The match is pretty awesome for TNA. Sabin’s top rope tornado DDT is reversed by Roode into a double-arm spine buster. Roode picks up a pin and the win! NO RUN INS OR INTERFERENCE!
– And since G’s your hook up… here’s your likely match of the night:
If this link still works when you got here, you missed the men walk down to the ring… which wasn’t very important.
– Father Time and the New Years Baby continue their comedy stuff, until Sharkboy in his Stone Cold persona. Sharkey asks them about how and what he can do to get on TV… which makes no sense because of the obvious fact I’m watching him on TV.
– RVD versus a microphone, apparently. RVD calls back to Bischoff, who is sending out a mystery opponent to face him.
– RVD versus Robbie E w/ Cookie. The trick to getting match time tonight is being named Rob. Robbie E requests RVD join him in a triple fist pump, to which Van Dam responds fantastically with his “R… V… D…” taunt. Robbie E gets some brief offense in, but it essentially squashed by Van Dam who finishes things off with a 5 Star Frog Splash. Que Jeff Hardy in a pre-taped segment on the ‘Tron. Hardy tells RVD he has to pass some kind of test in order to face him… I avoid making an obvious reference to a drug test.
I refuse to explain why I posted this animated gif.
– Sarita cuts a kind of weak backstage promo in which she promises to “whip that ass” in a strap match against Velvet Sky tonight.
– Kazarian is escorted by some plastic in evening gowns, dressed in a suit. The classy angle. Kaz notes that Immortal has a bounty on all titles, and Kaz wants Lethal’s title. How does the bounty work in relation to the Knockout title, and Knockout tag titles? Just saying.
– Kaz shows footage of Lethal’s poor humble beginnings, and makes some racist jokes about his siblings. Kaz blames Lethal’s mom!! He calls his mom “fugly” and “rancid.” Lethal runs out in anger only to get KO’d by a retractable baton attack courtesy of Kaz.
Charles Barkley @G: “Remember that time I was hanging with Jesse Ventura and kissed a cow on the ass?”
G @Charles Barkley: “No, I don’t But I’m pretty sure that’s not a cow… nor how this is relevant to tonight’s episode of iMPACT”
-Cut to a backstage vignette with Bisch and Flair being interrupted by Foley. Foley is pissed with all the secret opponents and head games and shit when:
LINE OF THE NIGHT:
Foley: “I’ve got something to say, and unless you can magically disappear, I’m sure as hell going to say it […]”
Wait for it….
Flair: “I just wiggle my nose, you don’t know, brother. MWUH HA HA HA!”
– Velvet Sky versus Sarita in a Strap Match. Thus, another obligatory animated gif for the Might PatMan… he of the Wonderpod!
This one alludes to hallucinogenics due to PatMan’s excessive use of LSD.
– They tie off their arms to the strap, and begin. Huh… the rules are vague, but it ends up being the variant where you have to touch all four corners of the ring. The last time I saw one of these on TNA, wasn’t it a strap that was used to beat the opponent as a weapon? Whatever… too much thought. The two women do a decent job here, although Velvet’s use of heel tactics. But Velvet picks up a win, but is whipped post-match by Sarita.
– More Sharkboy, Orlando, and Eric Young New Year’s party stuff. This time, they are joined by THE Brian Kendrick who banters with Young about drinking until Young starts using his Ankh staff like a Bo Staff, smashing up the party supplies. Meh.
– During the break, Angelina consoles Velvet in the ring who runs out all mad because of the Winter storyline last week. So Velvet goes to beat down Sarita backstage for her friend, only to have the tables turned and receive one herself. Winter for the save, and our BFF triangle between Big Bird, Snuffleupagus, and… oh… let’s say… Cookie Monster continues.
Sorry Robbie E, but here’s the REAL Cookie. And who I was referring to in the last segment? Well… see, I’ll just be cryptic and let you decide.
– Backstage Douglas Williams laments being in a tag match tonight without a partner. Out of nowhere, enters Brutus Magnus who is dressed only in ring tights, ready to go. No that’s some serious magical shit right there. Does Magnus walk around in tights all the time? It’s funny because, I just realized I was going to note that James Storm came to ringside in street clothes tonight in support of Robert Roode earlier. This is in part due to the WWE mandate that wrestlers are to appear in ring gear at all times on camera a few months back. This in itself ruins the suspension of disbelief to a degree, so I was going to point this little attention to detail earlier. Oh well.
– Jeff Jarrett (MMA Specialist) is out for a continuation of his open challenge gimmick. This has been one of the saving graces of the program as we’ve neared the end of the year. Tonight we are to see if the Amazing Red brings his little brother to face Double J. Jarrett builds the gimmick to setup the big reveal of Red’s baby brother… Who is a massive Ginger hoss! Shocker…
– This bit is actually entertaining, including a nice reaction from Jeff in realization he is facing an oiled up big dude. I’ll give that credit. Baby brother Red brings some nice submission moves, forcing Jeff to break the holds via the ropes… security interferes, right in front of the ref. Red involved, as Jeff attempts a guitar smash… the challenge ends with Jarrett and security leaving the ring. Baby Brother stands tall. He looked alright here.
Maybe JT can tell me which Bowl this visual is from… there’s like 34892 of them over the holidays, and I barely follow American football to begin with…
– AJ Styles/Rob Terry versus Douglas Williams/Brutus Magnus. AJ plays the heel card, demanding Magnus tag in Williams to start… only to tag in Rob (he of the all-natural-physique) Terry! Nice. Then we get underway… Williams is cornered, as AJ keeps utilizing hot tags to Terry’s power moves. Magnus gets the hot-tag, but his dominance is thwarted by Terry. Then the referee forgets this is a tag match, so the heels pull off a ridiculous win. Too short of a match.
– We go to the party backstage again, this time Gen Me attacks Orlando Jordan and Eric Young… ahh fuck this nonsense… too hard to even attempt to talk about.
– Madison Rayne comes out with eight tuxedo-clad men, and does a Madonna “Material Girl” type entrance. But then the ripoff begins. See, Rayne goes into shriek mode. Just like Vickie Guerrero in yelling at the crowd that she has important things to say, and to shut up. The crowd will have none of it, neither will I. Painful.
– Madison gets better as she mocks Mickie James down to the ring in cliche redneck accent… Mickie more or less just attacks, and rips the evening dress of Madison.
I wasn’t very entertained by that segment. But I have a very refined taste.
– We see the Pope continuing his philanthropist storyline, this time wanting to adopt puppies for kids… but requests pitt bulls. “Hey man, you don’t know the kids in my nieghbourhood…” points out Pope. The Kennel worker concurs.
– Mick Foley joins commentary.
– Mr. Anderson’s mystery hand-picked partner (by Jeff Hardy) is Brother Bubba. Morgan’s mystery partner of the same stips is Brother Devon. Ahh… Jeff Hardy you crazy guy, you! Foley attempts to make this over-booked match make sense. Nothing happens for a couple minutes in the ring… people just yell at each other, and then Bischoff sends out security to escort Foley out of the arena. Foley attacks security!
– The TNA logo comes up, and I’m out.
– For what should be the last time, iMPACT overruns the broadcast into Reaction. The match actually starts, while security cuffs up Foley and makes him leave. Then Morgan gets a win in a clusterfuck outcome where nothing really happens. Eric Bischoff hosts a best of 2010 Reaction as a swan song for the series. See you in 2011!
HAPPY NEW YEAR SMARKS!
Go smack a gong for me!
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TNA is turning The Pope into Michael Vick? And this long after the fact? I was disgusted, and not in a heel heat sort of way.
I tried to find something to like in this show. I really did. The Roode/Sabin match was good for the time that it got, and the lack of interference was surprising and refreshing. If Velvet Sky wants to be taken seriously as a wrestler, and not just as masturbatory material, she has to make some on-camera changes, and not just to her ring gear. The Jarrett segment would have been more enjoyable without the realization that Amazing Red's little big brother did better against Jarrett in an MMA match than did Samoa Joe, who hasn't been seen or heard from since. Joe re-signed with TNA, but hasn't shown up. We all know that this whole thing leads to Jarrett vs. Angle, but did Joe have to be sacrificed to get there? He has many more active years left in him than either Jarrett or Angle. Kazarian is a terrible promo. If he did his own material, he should get help. If someone else wrote it for him, that person should be kicked. Awful stuff, and again, NOT in a heel heat way.
This was not a good show. I'll miss "Reaction," purely because the concept could have worked. Who knows what we'll get in its place.
Much like many, MANY episodes of iMPACT! over the past 2 or 3 years, I didn't even make it through the entire show without skipping through a lot. There's just not a lot to keep me hooked throughout even one 2 hour telecast.
On the plus-side, I found some of the comedy between Shark Boy and Orlando Jordan/Eric Young to be pretty funny. Shark Boy is always comic gold! Also, the Sabin vs. Roode match was predictably good. I've always been a big fan of Roode, even way back in the "Team Canada" days. Robbie and Cookie as "The Shore" are entertaining as hell but remind me so much of WCW! Russo! Blast you!
This just seemed like more of the same since the last time I tuned into TNA. I keep doing it every so often to see if there's anything which might keep me watching but there never really seems to be. Having been a fan of the aforementioned WCW group, even in it's dying days, it's shocking that I can't even stomach most of what TNA are producing.