“Impact” Impressions 10/1/09By Drowgoddess · · Leave a Comment
It’s line-crossin’ time!
“Bound for Glory” is two weeks and three days away. Will TNA convince us to shell out our hard-earned cash and buy this show? Or give up three hours of our lives to watch the show at all? Let’s find out!
We open with Abyss hitting the ring and demanding answers from Mick Foley’s for last week’s actions. Loud crowd chants of “We want answers!” Foley’s music kicks in, and Foley walks to the ring, carrying a barbed wire baseball bat and flanked by security. Foley asks if he owes Abyss for the years of blood and sweat? For the flannel shirt and carrying on the hardcore tradition? Foley doesn’t owe Abyss anything. Abyss counters that he came to the ring to save Foley from Nash. Abyss follows the Sting school of promo by saying “Mick” many times. Abyss says that he went in Foley’s office to get the barbed wire bat to help Foley, and accidentally knocked down the Tweet and Tweak Connection picture. Foley rips into Abyss about not having his permission to even enter his private office, let alone use the barbed wire bat or interfere in his match. Foley continues to verbally shred Abyss, saying that he didn’t need saving when he was thrown from the Hell in the Cell match, or when he lost his ear, and that he never needed help from Abyss. Abyss shouts at Foley that he WAS his hero, and the way that he had gotten through the beatings and neglect of his parents. Abyss got into the business to give the audience what Foley was giving them. Foley offers Abyss a Tweet and Tweak Connection picture, a cheap imitation copy, a rip-off. If anyone should know about those things, it’s Abyss. When it comes to comparisons between Foley and Abyss, Abyss isn’t even in the same league. Abyss is a cheap, low-rent, Mick Foley-wannabe. Foley smashes the picture over Abyss’s head. Foley leaves with his security detail. Abyss gets up and chases him, taking out the security guys as Foley escapes.
To the back! Lauren tries to calm Abyss, but he is having none of it. She takes off after him.
Match #1: Amazing Red vs. Kiyoshi vs. Sheik Abdul Bashir vs. Jay Lethal vs. Consequences Creed: This is a ladder match, with the winner getting a title shot at Samoa Joe’s X-0Division championship on next week’s “Impact.” Looks like no matter who the creative team is, we’ll still get wasted and unhyped ladder matches thrown out there and Number One Contender title shots just handed out randomly. Kiyoshi sports a new look and new gear, rather spiffy. Amazing Red is on his own against two tag teams, and the double-teams against Red abound. First World Elite go after him, then Lethal Consequences. We cut away from the match to see Abyss threatening backstage personnel as to the whereabouts of Mick Foley. Way to make this match look important, guys! Lethal climbs the ladder, but Red knocks him down. World Elite goes after Red, who spikes Kiyoshi after a multiple-revolution DDT. Red gets Creed with a modofied hurricanrana that was very sloppy. Red climbs the ladder and gets the win. This was a wasted and lousy match, and as a die-hard X-Division fan, I’m insulted. Jeremy Borash interviews Amazing Red at ringside after his win, but Jay Lethal interrupts, claiming that Red stole the win. Creed holds Lethal back.
Winner and #1 Contender to the X-Division title: Amazing Red
Abyss continues to scream and trash the place looking for Foley.
To the back! JB talks to Dr. Stevie and a stunningly sexy Daffney, rocking the red corset gown in a major way. Dr. Stevie screams in the camera that Kevin Nash stole his money, but tonight, Dr. Stevie gets Nash’s career.
Match #2: Dr. Stevie (w/ Daffney) vs. Kevin Nash: Nash is apparently a face now, despite the fact that Jethro Holiday and the Motor City Machine Guns were denied the cash because they didn’t end Abyss’s career. Ok. Dr. Stevie uses punches, headbutts, and a submission hold called “General Anesthesia,” but Nash powers him down. Daffney passes Stevie a baton, but Nash kicks Stevie down. Nash wins with the jackknife powerbomb.
Winner: Kevin Nash
To the back! JB catches Eric Young and World Elite as the walk through the back. Homicide pulls pictures off the wall and shouts as EY says that he’s going to get an apology from Kurt Angle for last week.
To the back! Eric Young demands an apology from Kurt Angle. Booker T babbles barely comprehensible words about Young’s “JC Penney suit.” Eric Young says that the World Elite needs the Main Event Mafia, but not as much as the MEM needs WE. They’re younger, stronger, and hungrier. Eric Young becomes my hero when he tells Booker that the leaders are having a conversation, and to get back in his place behind Angle and behind Young. Booker goes nuts. Young asks if this is Angle’s answer, and how he controls his men. Young points out that there is a match against Matt Morgan later tonight, and the MEM should watch, because the World Elite will show them how they should have handled their business in the first place.
Match #3: Traci Brooks vs. Christy Hemme: This is a “Battle of the Playboy Bunnies” match. Not much here, but not a shocker. Christy misses a FFCG leg drop from the top rope, and Traci powers out. Christy rolls up Traci for the win. Post-match, Traci beats down Christy.
Winner: Christy Hemme
To the back! Foley and Abyss brawl and yell, and security gets involved.
To the sit-down interview! Sting and AJ Styles sit with Mike Tenay. AJ asks if Sting was passing the torch, or if he just didn’t want it anymore. If Sting isn’t ready to bring it, he might not ought to lace them up. AJ leaves, and things are awkward.
To ringside! Tara and Poison join Tenay and Taz at the announce table for commentary.
Match #4: Awesome Kong (w/ Raisha Saeed) vs. ODB: Whether this is a Knockouts championship title match or not is not made clear at first, but it turns out that it was. Tara talks up Kong as a dominant athlete and the best out there. Kong and ODB set to brawling, with Kong remaining standing. ODB hits a Bronco Buster on Kong. The commentary really distracted from the match, just like in the opening match. Raisha Saeed gets in Tara’s face and pushes her. Tara goes after Saeed, but Kong gets to her first. In the midst of all the distractions, ODB rolls up Kong for the win, and retains the title. Post-match, Tara and ODB shove and brawl. Kong returns and hits ODB with an Implant Buster. Tara gets one next. This was a title match, and it was treated horribly.
Winner (and STILL Knockouts champion): ODB
Match #5: Hernandez vs. Kurt Angle: Hernandez totally outpowers Angle, but Angle reverses a suplex attempt and throws several uppercuts. Hernandez’s second attempt at a delayed vertical suplex works, and he holds Angle upside down for a LONG time. Angle counters, and kicks Hernandez’s leg. Angle takes over and targets the knee. Angle leaps off the top rope, but Hernandez catches him in a sit-out powerbomb. Hernandez goes for a Border Toss, but Angle squirms out. Hernandez hits a second Border Toss, but Angle kicks out. They fight to the outside, and the bell rings, throwing the match out. World Elite attacks both Angle and Hernandez, but the Main Event Mafia make the save for Angle. Both factions brawl in the back as we go to commercial break.
To the back! SoCal Val is with Chris Sabin and Alex Shelley. The Motor City Machine Guns have huge news! Mick Foley was right, the MCMG have the worst entrance music in the history of professional wrestling. Not to fear! They’ve been auditioning bands, and next week on “Impact,” they’ll be showing a new highlight video to go along with their new music. That grin was for me, you all know that, right?
To the ring! Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne are very subdued. Velvet says that by now, everyone knows that contractual issues have parted Angelina Love from TNA. They have behaved horribly over the past year, and they know it. Angelina Love made them monsters, and they are very sorry. They want to show their true colors to the rest of the Knockouts. They ask Sarita and Taylor Wilde to come out, which they do. The Beautiful People apologize, and shake hands with Taylor and Sarita. Then they attack them. Lacey Von Erich joins them, attacking Sarita with the Von Erich Claw. She may be stunning, but Lacey Von Erich is still crap in the ring.
To the back! SoCal Val interviews Matt Morgan about his upcoming match against Eric Young. Morgan refers to the “lover’s quarrel” between the MEM and WE. Morgan only cares about hurting people. Tonight, Morgan hurts Young. At BFG, he destroys Angle. Never awaken a sleeping giant, boys. You’ve not only awakened Morgan, you’ve pissed him off.
To the back! Velvet Sky introduces Lacey Von Erich, and The Beautiful People are picking up right where Angelina Love left off. Velvet Sky is now the best wrestler of the group. Think about that for a moment. Thanks for the thought, The G-Bag!
Match #6: Eric Young vs. Matt Morgan: Morgan dominates at first, but Young gets in some offense of his own after going for the eyes. Morgan gets the upper hand, but the fan at ringside dressed as Abyss hits Morgan with a chair. The fan rips off his wig, and hey look, it’s Kurt Angle! The Main Event Mafia runs down and attacks Morgan and Young. World Elite runs down and attacks the Main Event Mafia. It’s a mass brawl as security gets involved, and we go to commercial break.
When we return, more brawling ensues.
To the back! JB is with Bobby Lashley and Team 3D. Brother Ray sounds hoarse. They hate Rhino and the British Invasion, and their match is next. Lashley interrupts Devon to say “Testify!” Everyone laughs. Except me.
To ringside! Beer Money joins the commentary table. They don’t get an entrance.
Match #7: Rhino & the British Invasion vs. Team 3D and Bobby Lashley: Quick tags and smart tag team wrestling from the British Invasion. Lashley is dominant when he’s in the ring. Sure, he’s a physical beast, but he’s just not very good in the ring, and has the charisma of a dead armadillo. The announcers talk like Lashley’s clotheslines are the most astonishing move of all time. Brother Ray and Lashley hold Rhino’s legs as Brother Devon hits the “Wazzup.” Lashley slaps a standing submission hold on (I think) Doug Williams, and gets the win. Tenay even points out that World Elite’s momentum going into this match was so impressive, and they lost it all to Team 3D and Lashley. Post-match, Samoa Joe runs down and locks Lashley in the Kokina Clutch on the ramp. Joe chokes Lashley out as we fade to black.
Winners: Team 3D and Bobby Lashley
FINAL THOUGHTS: I’m in the minority, but I like Eric Young. I love that he sees himself as an equal to Kurt Angle, and steps up to him and all of the MEM without the slightest hint of fear. I love that he verbally bitchslaps Booker T every week. I don’t see him as a cheap knock-off of Chris Jericho, I think he’s doing his best work. Aside from that and a brief appearance by Chris Sabin and Alex Shelley, there wasn’t much that entertained me tonight. Lacy Von Erich is garbage. She may be smokin’, but she’s garbage. A completely unadvertised ladder match to determine the Number One Contender to the X-Division title is completely overshadowed by backstage segments. A Knockouts title match is completely overshadowed by commentary. There wasn’t one strong wrestling match all night. The focus of the company appears to be on Mick Foley versus Abyss and the Main Event Mafia versus World Elite. The former is too late, and the latter is a reboot of the MEM/Frontline, but with two heel factions. Kevin Nash seems to be a face, but the rest of the MEM, not so much. If this is what the new creative regime, with no Jarrett or Cornette, is going to provide, I can’t say I’m terribly excited about “Bound for Glory.” I really hope I’m wrong.
Check back with us here at BWF for more wrestling goodness, randomness, and possibly some thoughts!
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