Home ▸ Drowgoddess ▸ “Impact” Impressions 1/15/09

I try.

I try so very hard.

I try so very, very hard.

I was trained in the school of thought that constructive criticism is better than bitching, griping, and whining. If one complains about something, one should offer a suggestion for improvement, and thereby accomplish something useful and worthwhile. I have tried to do this in the reviews and columns that have appeared on this site. As one of the apparently few people who continue to vocally support TNA (and enduring the flaming of near-Biblical proportions that follows any positive comment about any aspect of TNA), and want to see it become what it should have been all along, rather than jumping on the “TNA sucks!” bandwagon that seems to permeate every wrestling-related website out there, it’s a lonely crusade. This week’s “Impact” was one of those times when I thought to myself, “Self, why are you doing this to us? Please stop.” Tonight, I did not cross the line. I was pushed.

We open with a really long Kurt Angle promo. This one also has a video package of all the destruction caused by the Main Event Mafia. As if the entire show has been about anything else since they formed the damned stable! The promo itself, moving on to discuss taking out AJ Styles and Mick Foley at one time in the main event, may have been very solid. If it was, I didn’t care. Why not? Because it’s been heard too many times before. I am so sick and tired of listening to Kurt Angle and the rest of the Main Event Mafia and their total dominance of everything (and not in a good “heel heat” way) that I don’t care if the second coming of The Rock, nicely blended with Chris Jericho, and mixed with a dash of Dusty Rhodes spews forth from their collective mouths. I don’t want to hear it.

The LAX entrance music interrupts, and Hernandez claims his World Title shot against Sting with his “Feast or Fired” briefcase. Good lines from Hernandez about “You wanna play Mafia? We’ll play Mafia, LAX-style!”

Match #1: Hernandez defeats Sting by DQ: No way was Hernandez winning the title tonight. That part wasn’t a problem. The lack of build was not really a problem either. The title shot coming out of nowhere was engaging, and certainly shook the vibe up. The problem was that for a World Title match, the not-Sting members of the MEM were NOT removed from ringside. Ye gods! That the MEM would interfere and stop Hernandez from winning the title was a given. Why couldn’t they do it the old-fashioned way? They should have been sent to the back, period. It’s a little thing, but it would have made a difference in how seriously the title match was presented. Hernandez looked strong, and as long as he gets another title shot soon, this could be really good. I would certainly tune in to see if Hernandez gets another World Title shot, which is the whole point of keeping people coming back. This could go on for another two or even three months if handled properly, and if Hernandez gets cheated out of the title a few times, especially on a pay-per-view, when he finally does get it, the following could be huge! It’s just a thought.

Post-match beatdown: So many people are bemoaning the fact that Homicide took so long to come out and try to make the save. One little segment would have fixed all that. If Hernandez told him not to come out, that he needed to do this on his own, no one would have been bothered. Again, it’s the little things. AJ Styles runs down, but he and LAX get stomped by the MEM. With very little effort, of course. Team 3D, yes, both of them, run down, and the audience went insane. Brother Ray’s recently-trimmed Mohawk was different. Tables were set up by AJ and LAX, and Brother Ray promptly put Kurt Angle though one. The chants of “Welcome back! Welcome back!” were almost as loud as some from ROH. Brother Devon talks, points out that Team 3D are the standard-bearers of tag team wrestling, but the time has come for them to make their marks in singles competition, and announces that he wants Kurt Angle at “Against All Odds.” Brother Ray points out that a real Mafia would have gotten the job done. He agrees that Team 3D has nothing left to do in the tag team world, and making a go as singles wrestlers is a good thing. If Devon wants Angle, Ray wants Sting. He goes on to say that he wants Sting because while Sting has never participated in any of the beatdowns on the Front Line, his crime of standing by and doing nothing is worse. I’m so hearing the line from the beginning of “The Boondock Saints” where the priest tells the congregation that “We must all fear evil men, but there is another kind of evil we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men!” Anyone else? No? Just me, huh. In any case, Brother Ray announces that he will be taking Sting’s title. This was really good. Team 3D is interesting, even intriguing, again. And as faces, no less. Hey, I admit it, I was wrong when I thought to do that would be impossible.

To the back! Fake Palin and The Beautiful People. Ugh.

To the ring! Mike Tenay and Don West show footage of Jeff Jarrett from the match against Kurt Angle at “Genesis.”

To the back! Angle can’t get medical clearance to wrestle after being put through the table. He screams a lot. Steiner offers to take his place, but Angle won’t have it.

To the ring! Fake Palin and The Beautiful People. Ugh. As TBP sign papers with fake Palin, Roxxi and Taylor Wilde come out. It seems that this entire fake Palin torture was the ultimate prank by Taylor Wilde and Roxxi to get even with The Beautiful People for everything that they’ve done to embarrass the Knockout division. Uh, what? Roxxi and Taylor then insult TBP by calling them fake, with fake boobs and slutty clothes. A couple of dumb blondes. That isn’t really Sarah Palin, there is no inauguration at the White House for TBP, and they’re about to get “mucked.” Wet, brown, slimy stuff that’s supposed to be horse diarrhea falls on TBP. Angelina Love is downright snarling. The announcers laugh. Hold it! No revelation of Daffney? No scream? Curse you! Curse you all! She’s there, she’s laughing with Taylor and Roxxi, and she’s gesturing “bring it on” at TBP. Tell us who she is! Why did she agree to do this? Tell us SOMETHING, you fools!   

To the back! Lauren interviews the Kongtourage. She angers Sojourner Bolt by calling her “SoJo,” and only SoJo’s mama calls her “SoJo!” Good promo idea, bad promo presentation.

“Rough Cuts” segment on – you guessed it – Sojourner Bolt! Another really nice piece on a heel character who just trashed all your top babyface Knockouts, not three minutes ago. What is wrong with you people???

Match #2: Roxxi, Taylor Wilde, and ODB defeat Sojourner Bolt, Rhaka Khan, and Raisha Saeed. I want Raisha Saeed’s new ring outfit. A better match than the “Genesis” mess, but for the love of every form of god ever devised by the mind of man, keep Rhaka Khan in Kurt Angle’s locker room and out of the ring. ODB’s getting the title shot against Kong, but Roxxi got the pin here. Well, if those two are the top two after Kong, I won’t complain over much.

To the back! Kurt Angle continues to throw a hissy fit. Booker seems to succeed in talking him down where Steiner had failed, and offers to take the match tonight. Angle needs a minute.

Match #3: Jay Lethal and Consequences Creed defeat Matt Morgan and Abyss: Yes. To become Number One Contenders to the Tag Team titles that they stole on a Thursday (requiring both of them and a cheap shot from a briefcase to beat one guy) and lost the following Sunday on a pay-per-view. Lethal Consequences just doesn’t do much for me, and they look like complete losers now. On the plus side, Matt Morgan turned on Abyss. They fought. They shall now feud. The bromance is over. And there was much rejoicing. Yay.

To the back! Jim Cornette is in the Main Event Mafia locker room. Angle must choose between Steiner and Booker to replace him in the match tonight. Much disagreement arises. A moment of comedy gold ensued when Booker told Steiner they’d decide like they decide in the hood – with “Eeny Meeny Miny Moe.” Steiner and Booker start it, Sharmell tells them to stop being babies, and Steiner retorts, “Hey, I’m GOOD at “Eeny Meeny Miny Moe!” Cornette puts Steiner in the match, and tells the MEM that any interference will result in fines and suspensions. They all yell, but don’t really seem to care.

To the back! Mick Foley, special enforcer for the match, will take out any member of the Main Event Mafia who gets involved in the match.

Match #4: AJ Styles defeats Scott Steiner (with Mick Foley as special enforcer): Petey Williams returned and hit a missile dropkick on Steiner, helping AJ get the win. Why in the blue hell does Petey still look like mini-Steiner? There has to be something he could have done to change his appearance, at least a little bit! No one in the Front Line should look just like someone from the Main Event Mafia, period! This match went fifteen minutes or so. Why are other matches, like X-Division title tournament matches, barely touching five minutes? Every tv match should not be fifteen minutes long, certainly not. They shouldn’t all be over and forgotten in less time than it takes to watch the next commercial break, either.

Final Thoughts: This is the first “Impact” following a Sunday pay-per-view. Fallout from the afore-mentioned pay-per-view should be addressed. Angle/Jarrett wasn’t the only match at “Genesis.” The announce team didn’t even address much of it. For example, where were Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin? Look at the specifics. There is a new X-Division champion, someone who has never held the title before. He should have thoughts and comments. That new champion tricked his tag team partner and best friend to win the title. Neither one of them have anything to say about that? Yes, it’s perfectly reasonable that they kept Alex Shelley out of the ring here. The guy has apparently been working through some significant pain. Give him a microphone and a segment, for crying out loud! A highly-respected, nay, revered columnist from the Insanity site (ZAH rules!) pointed out in his column today something that had bothered me all week. On the TNA web site, there is still no mention of much to do with the X-Division title, and no photos of the title match at all. There’s one photo of Shelley posing with the title belt after the match. One of two good matches on an entire pay-per-view card. Disgusting.

Secondly, TNA is touring the UK right now. Two sold-out shows in Dublin, and then on to Scotland and England. Why aren’t the announcers (and the website) pimping the hell out of this tour? Promoting it goes far beyond posting a list of dates on the web site. Fans have to be sucked in to these things, even if they can’t actually go. There are ways to do this and not scream out that you tape your shows in advance. Air some video packages and interview segments taped in advance, do something! Honestly, high school plays get promoted more effectively than TNA.

*sigh*

Ever the masochist, I shall return next week with more “Impact” Impressions for you. At least next week there’s Chris Sabin in a four-way match for the X-Division title against champion Alex Shelley, Sonjay Dutt, and Sheik Abdul Bashir. That makes me happy.

Peace out,

Drowgoddess

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