Wait a minute – the byline on this article says “ThinkSoJoE.” Isn’t iMPACT! Drowgoddess territory? Well kids, yes, iMPACT! is Drowgoddess territory – but she’s been called up to the big leagues. Starting today, the Empress of iMPACT! will be plying her trade at James Guttman’s World Wrestling Insanity on Thursday nights. Don’t worry though, she’s not completely leaving Bored Wrestling Fan – she’ll be here every week to review Friday Night SmackDown! World Wrestling Insanity was the inspiration for BWF, and we’re very proud of Drow. You’re here though, so why not read on?
Video Package: Everybody’s talking Hogan
“SEXY’S GOT A SECRET?”
Ok, it’s one thing for me to know the SmackDown titles – because they’re not shown in the actual broadcast. That has bugged me since TNA started doing it. Anyways, tonight, Dixie Carter talks about Hogan, Sting, and Jeff Jarrett, but for now…
Desmond Wolfe is in six sides of steel with a microphone. He knows it kills Mr. Mangled to see him out there. Wolfe has to set the record straight. A lot of people are saying that at Turning Point, Angle beat him. Wolfe admits that he tapped out to a legal submission maneuver. He thought he had the answers, but Angle changed the question, but Angle didn’t beat him. Beating somebody is punishing them mentally and physically. It’s owning them so they know they are nothing compared to you. Which is what Wolfe has done to Angle every single week. Last week, he read Angle like a book. He knew that by spitting his tasty British phlegm in Angle’s face, he’d anger him. Now, since he’s gotten his jollies, he’s ready to end Angle. That’s why he’s in the six sides of steel. At Final Resolution, we’re having a match called three degrees of pain. That means that it’s a two out of three fall match. First fall pinfall, second fall submission, and if necessary, third fall is to escape the cage. He says he won’t need it because he’ll pin him after the Tower of London, submit him with the London Dungeon, and then for the hell of it, he’ll climb out of the cage anyway. If he doesn’t understand, Thumbhead can come to the ring, and he’ll explain.
Angle comes out to the stage. He says he’s learned to always be prepared. He’s in his wrestling gear, but what he doesn’t understand is why he doesn’t walk to the ring and kick Wolfe’s ass right now. In fact, he thinks he will. Angle heads down to the cage, but the door is locked. Angle decides to climb in, and the brawl commences. Wolfe pulls out brass knucks, and knocks Angle cold, thus furthering the stereotype that all English wrestlers have brass knucks on them at all time. Wolfe tosses Angle face first into the cage, twice. The crowd chants “You’re a wanker” as Wolfe pulls out the key to the cage and tells Angle that he agrees – always be prepared.
Foley is worried about Beefcake taking over his job, when Kurt Angle came in and asks for a match with Wolfe tonight. Foley says he’ll make it if Angle tells him everything he knows about the Hogan thing. Angle says Foley’s too worried about Hogan and not worried enough about himself.
The TNA World Tag Team Champions are here, as Doug Williams is in action. The Motor City Machine Guns are out next, as Williams’ opponent is Alex Shelley. The referee sends Brutus Magnus and Rob Terry to the back, and then does the same to Chris Sabin, much to the chagrin of Drowgoddess over at WWI. Magnus gets in a cheap shot on Sabin for good measure.
Alex Shelley def. Doug Williams
After being dominated through most of the match by Williams, Shelley mounts a comeback and drops Williams with the Sliced Bread for the victory.
Backstage, Pope D’angelo Dinero approaches Suicide, and tells his him that he’s not here to fight. He’s here to ask Suicide to be his team’s partner at Final Resolution. Suicide tells him he doesn’t trust him. Pope gives him an autographed piece of a table that Suicide had put him through as a token of gratitude, and all he asks in return is for Suicide to consider his offer.
Still to come, an interview with Dixie Carter.
Backstage, D’Lo Brown is in Mick Foley’s office. Foley asks him about Hulk Hogan. D’Lo says he’s a great guy, and that word on the street is that Dixie only brought in Hogan to help TNA. D’Lo’s got work to do and he’s running late. Foley ponders whether D’Lo thinks Hogan will get him another run with the European belt.
Homicide makes his way to the ring, set for action. Tenay talks about the fact that Homicide knows who Suicide is. Which is convenient, since his opponent happens to be Suicide. Homicide vs. Suicide. I’m sure there’s a joke in there somewhere.
Suicide def. Homicide
This match goes back and forth, very entertaining. Homicide avoids the Suicide Solution, attempting a Gringo Killah, which is reversed into a backslide, allowing Suicide to pick up the victory.
After the match, Homicide tries pulling the mask of off Suicide, but D’angelo Dinero hits the ring and saves Suicide. Pope tells Suicide he’s legit about his offer.
Backstage, Daniels meets up with The Beautiful People. He says he has an idea for “The Meanest Girls 3.”
Tenay and Taz plug the interview with Dixie Carter coming up later. Hopefully she doesn’t no-show her own house like Sting did a week or two ago.
Trash Talk with ODB: ODB wonders if Tara thinks she can just walk into TNA and sleep her way to the top. Tara says she had two years left on her WWE contract because she wanted to be the best. She was humiliated at the end of her WWE run, and she worked her butt off to prove herself in TNA. ODB apologizes then slaps Tara, wailing away at her when the stagehands come to pull her away. ODB calls Tara a has-been.
Jesse Neal has a new entrance video. I know this because he’s wrestling. For the third time tonight, we see The Pope, D’Angelo Dinero, since he’s Neal’s opponent.
D’Angelo Dinero vs. Jesse Neal
Neal shows off an aggressive new style in the early going of this match. Pope tries to mount a comeback, but Neal won’t let him. Neal nails a nasty looking shoulderbreaker, but Pope kicks out of the subsequent cover at two. Pope finally gets that comeback going, nailing an uppercut, followed by the DDE for the victory.
After the match, Neal attacks Pope, nailing a forearm and a spear. He puts up the 3D fingers, and the lights go out. When they come back on Suicide is on the top rope, and nails a dropkick. He extends his hand to The Pope, and Pope accepts. Team 3D and Rhino hit the ring and surround the duo, but Hernandez and Matt Morgan run down and run them off.
Still to come, Dixie Carter speaks!
Eric Young and Kevin Nash make their way to the ring as we re-live Nash aligning himself with the World Elite. They’ll be taking on everybody’s favorite tag team, James Storm and Robert Roode, Beer Money, Inc!
Beer Money, Inc vs. Eric Young & Kevin Nash
Beer Money start off on the offense – but that doesn’t last long before Young turns the tide and tags in Nash. Tenay and Taz talk about Hogan through most of this one, and even at some point bring up the history of Nash and Shawn Michaels. Listen, TNA – I’m watching your show. I don’t want to hear about Shawn Michaels. If I wanted to hear about Shawn Michaels, I’d watch RAW on Mondays. Anyways, Nash dominates for a while, but Roode avoids being hit by a charging Big Sexy, and manages to get the tag in to Storm, who fights off both members of World Elite. He hits the backcracker on Young, but Nash breaks up the pin. All hell breaks loose, as it tends to do in tag team matches, and when the dust settles, Storm hits the Eye of the Storm, but only gets a two count. Nash sends Roode face first into the post on the outside. Storm sets up for the Last Call, but Nash grabs his leg, distracting the referee, which allows Young to hit a low blow and a piledriver for the win.
Mick Foley comes out following the match, and he asks Nash why Hogan is coming to TNA and who he’s bringing with him. He could flaunt his authority as Executive Shareholder to threaten Nash’s job, but instead, he’ll appeal to him as a guy he’s known for 18 years. Nash says that instead of buying TNA stock, he should’ve gotten a decent haircut and a suit. In a couple weeks, that would come in handy, because Foley will be looking for a job. Foley tells Nash not to play with him. He says he deserves to know exactly what the relationship between Hogan and Carter is. Nash says Foley’s as paranoid as a guy leaving an Amsterdam coffee shop for the first time. Nash tells Foley to call Hogan. Foley asks if Nash has his number. Nash tells Foley he’s got it, but Hogan told him not to give it to him. When Hogan gets here, he doesn’t like idle threats or bullies. Foley is an engaging fellow, and Nash would like to chat, but he’s got some old bandmates in town, and they’re thinking of putting the band back together.
Hey, it’s The Boss!
No, no, no, not Springsteen. Bobby Lashley. He’s not here to wrestle. He’s here to say that he’s got nothing to say to Scott Steiner. Krystal says she’ll do the talking. Steiner is sick, delusional, and obsessed. All she wanted to do was come support her husband, not be a part of the show. She’s never ever been harassed or disrespected by any sick freaks or weirdos at any of Bobby’s MMA fights, but they do things differently around here. Bobby will not be held responsible for the damage he does to Steiner. When Krystal barks, Bobby bites (he sure does, Krystal. Bobby Lashley bites). Krystal says that Steiner will get his at Final Resolution.
Lauren is backstage with Daniels. Daniels says there’s change in the air. Want proof? Daniels asked for a title shot at Final Resolution and he got it. So tonight, he dedicates his match tonight to AJ Styles. It’s going to be a preview of what he’ll do to Styles at Final Resolution. Lauren tells him not to overlook Abyss, and Daniels thinks it’s cute that she’s sticking up for Abyss.
GET READY TO FLY!
The TNA World Heavyweight Champion, AJ Styles, is here, and apparently he’ll be joining Taz and Tenay on commentary. He says that everybody’s worried about Sting, and he wants him to return his phone calls.
Daniels is out first for his match, and apparently is never going to get a first name again. Styles gets up from the announce table, and Abyss makes his way to the ring. He’s got cool blue pyro that I’ve never noticed before.
Daniels vs. Abyss
Daniels stalls early on. He goes for a single leg takedown, to no avail. Daniels continues to go the wrestling route, but Abyss continues to counter with his power. Daniels slaps Abyss in the face, and lures him outside the ring. Daniels can’t capitalize, as back in the ring, Abyss drops him with a big boot followed by a splash. He goes for Shock Treatment, but Daniels avoids it. Abyss goes for a chokeslam and Daniels signals to somebody – apparently in the production truck, because we see the Beautiful People tormenting Lauren on the big screen. Daniels hits a low blow and picks up the win.
Daniels challenges Styles to get in the ring. AJ puts his wallet and watch on the table, but he’s assaulted from behind by his mystery attacker.
Before the break, AJ Styles was attacked by the mystery man.
We get a rundown of the TNA Final Resolution card.
Finally, it’s time for the Dixie Carter interview. Basic highlights – She can’t imagine TNA without Sting, but he asked about Hogan when she last talked to him. She’s giving him space right now. On Jeff Jarrett: There was a personal situation that affected TNA, which put everybody in a difficult position. Jeff is on leave in all aspects of the company. On her partnership with Hulk Hogan: She’d heard Hogan mention TNA on the radio a couple of times, she called him, and they met at her house and talked for hours. She says it was a very easy negotiation. Hogan brings so much to TNA, including greater awareness. On Hogan’s role: He’ll be working with Dixie on every aspect of this company. On TNA in ten years: She sees TNA becoming the biggest company in the world. They’re not recreating history – they’re making history.
Desmond Wolfe tells Foley he’s a huge fan. He thanks Foley for signing him. He has a problem with the way things are run however. Angle demanded a match. Does that mean that if Wolfe came in and asked for a spelling bee with Scott Steiner, it’ll happen. Foley says it would do good ratings, but no, he’s not going be wrestling Angle tonight. Wolfe wonders how much stroke Foley has as he leaves. Foley thinks about the word “stroke.” He makes a phone call, asking Jeff Jarrett to come back next week. Jarrett pretty much says “screw TNA.” He tells Foley to take his slapstick comedy and shove it up his ass.
Hamata makes her way out to the ring. Two weeks ago, she beat Taylor Wilde. Tonight, she’ll take on Wilde’s tag team partner, Sarita. This should be entertaining.
Hamada vs. Sarita
I have a feeling – and so far, I’m not disappointed – that this match will be similar to, say, Rey Mysterio taking on Yoshihiro Tajiri, but in female form. High flying action from Sarita is matched up against stiff kicks from Hamada. Sarita takes a boot to the face, but kicks out at two. Hamada hits a missile dropkick, also for two. Hamada goes for the Hamada Driver, but Sarita reverses it for a two count. Sarita hits a floatover DDT for two. What a match so far! Sarita goes for a very unique submission hold, but Hamada battles out of it. Hamada hits two spin kicks, but doesn’t go for the cover. She helps Sarita back up and hits the Hamada Driver and picks up the win. Wow, what a match!
Kurt Angle makes his way to the ring. Mick Foley’s got something in store for him. The Executive Shareholder enters the iMPACT Zone, and he tells Angle that he doesn’t mind having his looks or his clothes or anything made fun of, but what bothers him is when people say that he’s jealous. Angle said that Foley is jealous of Hogan, Foley decided to tweak what Angle asked for earlier. My favorite wrestler in the entire history of professional wrestling, Raven, makes his entrance along with his tag team partner, Dr. Stevie, and they’re accompanied to the ring by Daffney.
Kurt Angle def. Dr. Stevie and Raven
Abyss interjected himself in this one, sending Daffney running away. He hits a Black Hole Slam on Dr. Stevie on the ramp, and Angle locks the Ankle lock in on Raven to pick up the submission victory.
After the match, Desmond Wolfe attacked Angle from out of the crowd, kneeling over Angle as iMPACT fades to black.
My thoughts: There was a lot of wrestling on this show. I like that fact. It wasn’t bad wrestling either – there were several quality matches tonight. A lot of folks are saying that TNA feels like it’s on autopilot just waiting for the Hogan thing to finally happen, and while I agree to an extent, I think putting on quality wrestling matches is what TNA should have been doing all along. If I want a show that’s 50% talking, I’ll tune into RAW, thank you very much. For a company called Total Nonstop Action, that’s what it should be. Good wrestling matches. I was very impressed with Hamada and Sarita in their match. I predicted a Mysterio/Tajiri style battle, and it didn’t disappoint. As far as Hogan, I know a lot of people are saying they’re sick of him already, but I say that if they were in Dixie Carter’s shoes, they’d be milking the fact that Hulk Hogan is coming into their organization too. That’s it for me folks, stick around as tharvey1 should be around sometime in the next couple days with his review of WWE Superstars, and Drowgoddess will begin her new role as our SmackDown reviewer!
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