“Impact” Impressions (for 3 hours!) 10/15/09By Drowgoddess · · Leave a Comment
Bring some snacks and settle in, peeps!
Your Empress of “Impact” is here to lead you through three hours of Total Nonstop Action, the last we’ll see before the biggest pay-per-view of the year, “Bound for Glory.” Can TNA convince us to spend $10 more than usual on the monthly ppv offering? Cross the line, and find out!
We open with the entirety of the Main Event Mafia in the ring. Kurt Angle has the mic, and talks about the “Bound for Glory” ppv being the one-year anniversaty of the MEM. Angle says that he isn’t dressed for battle, he’s here to make sure that his Warriors (come out and play-ay!) are ready. He talks up Kevin Nash to win his Legends title match. He talks up Samoa Joe to beat Bobby Lashley. He talks up Scott Steiner and Booker T to win their tag team match. Angle promises to win his match against AJ Styles.
Angle is interrupted by the music of AJ Styles. AJ, Team 3D, Beer Money, Lashley, Hernandez, and Matt Morgan all walk out. Brother Ray asks if anyone else is sick of hearing Kurt Angle talk. AJ takes the mic and says that the MEM is three days away from ceasing to exist. Morgan says he ain’t waitin’! The TNA faction rushes the ring and attacks the MEM. Security separates them, as the MEM bail out to the ramp. This doesn’t work, as AJ slides out of the ring and attacks Angle again. Both sides collide again as we go to commercial break.
We return to a recap of the brawl, followed by the entrance of The Beautiful People 2.0. Lacey Von Erich looks totally uncomfortable and out of place.
Match #1: The Beautiful People (Madison Rayne, Velvet Sky, & Lacey Von Erich) vs. Tara (w/ Poison), Awesome Kong (w/ Raisha Saeed), & ODB: Is it wrong that I love the idea that Awesome Kong does not get on with Lacey Von Erich in real life? Then I don’t want to be right! We see a recap of the Tara/Kong/ODB problems from the previous week. At the opening bell, Kong flattens Tara and ODB, and bails outside of the ring. The Beautiful People take over and stomp Tara and ODB. Kong backs up the ramp with Saeed, and Velvet Sky hooks up with ODB. Sky and Rayne double-team ODB, then it’s ODB and Rayne. ODB takes Rayne down with a stiff clothesline. ODB has no one to tag. Rayne tags in Sky. Tara barely tags in. Tara takes control, and flattens each of The Beautiful People. Tara goes to the top rope for something, but ODB tags her and goes after The Beautiful People herself. Tara and ODB shove each other, and Tara kicks ODB in the head. Velvet Sky pins ODB for the win. Lacey Von Erich did not get in the ring at all.
Winners: The Beautiful People 2.0
To the back! Lauren interviews “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero. Dinero pimps the 6-Hour Energy Drink. This promo is awesome! The Pope puts the X-Division on notice that he will ascend, and sit on his throne. He asks Lauren if her hand is clean, and puts it on his chest to “feel the electricity.” He then tells her to snap out of it. The X-Division will bow, and kiss The Pope’s ring. You just have to hear this, it was GOLD!
Lauren interviews Bobby Lashley. He tries to talk, but Rhino Gores him flat. There will be no Bound for Glory for Lashley, as he has a stretcher match with Rhino tonight.
Sweet video package detailing the Ultimate X match. Too bad that most of the guys in the package aren’t in the match.
Match #2: Suicide vs Amazing Red (w/ Don West): Don West??? Excellent! We get a recap of Red’s fluke win over Samoa Joe last week, winning the X-Division title. A title match right before a ppv, when the #1 Contender’s match is an Ultimate X match on the ppv? Ok…. Lots of jumping and flipping. Suicide drives Red’s head into the turnbuckle, and takes over the match. Red hits a twisting dive over the top rope onto Suicide. Mike Tenay and Taz tell us that when Homicide showed up at the building today, he was sent home for insubordination. Don West cheers Red with great enthusiasm. Suicide blocks a monkey flip and hits a slingshot leg drop on Red. Red kicks out at two. Suicide goes to the top rope, but “The Pope” runs down and shoves him off. “The Pope” enters the ring, and the referee throws out the match. Suicide and “The Pope” fight. “The Pope” goes for the DDE knees to the back on Suicide, but as he runs, Red dropkicks him. “The Pope” goes to the floor, and Red stands with Suicide in the ring.
Match declared a “no-contest”
Jeremy Borash interviews Don West and Amazing Red. West says that everyone knows that he was the biggest Amazing Red fan in the company, and that Red had asked him to be his personal promoter. West announces that there will be an Ultimate X match, and the four competitors announced will be in it, but they will be joined by the X-Division champ Amazing Red, and the match will be for the X-Division title.
Tenay and Taz talk up the history of the Main Event Mafia, and the formation of World Elite. Eric Young comes down to the commentary table and joins them on headset. Young says that WE has declared victory, and the war is over.
Match #3: Hernandez vs. The British Invasion: Hernandez confronts Young at the announce table, and says that out of respect for Tenay and Taz, he won’t hurt him now. At the ppv, he’ll break every bone in Young’s body. Doug Williams faces Hernandez first. Hernandez flattens Williams repeatedly. Williams fights back, but Hernandez pins him after a shoulder block. Brutus Magnus is in next, attacking Hernandez as Williams leaves the ring. Magnus actually takes the fight to Hernandez, and gets two two-counts on him. Hernandez slingshots in the ring over the top rope, and flattens Magnus. Hernandez takes off his shirt and uses it to throw Magnus. Hernandez hits a huge Border Toss on Magnus and gets a three-count. Rob Terry is the last man in. Terry and Hernandez match power moves, and Terry takes Hernandez down. Terry gets Hernandez in the corner and punches him from the middle rope, but Hernandez plants Terry with a sitdown powerbomb for the win. Post-match, Eric Young attacks Hernandez with a kendo stick, focusing his attack on the neck and shoulders.
Mike Tenay conducts an interview (via tv monitor) with the four team captains of the tag teams: Brother Ray, Booker T, Brutus Magnus, and Robert Roode. Brother Ray says that Team 3D intend to win back the titles out of which they were cheated earlier this year. Robert Roode says that it’s every team for itself, and Beer Money is coming to win. Booker T says that Tenay should have spoken to him first, that the other guys are all a bunch of rookies, and that Team 3D is title-hungry, and can’t stand not being the champions. Brutus Magnus makes a total face turn when he interrupts Booker and says that just when you thought that Booker T couldn’t get any more ridiculous, he goes and makes a statement like that. Booker and Magnus yell at each other. Tenay cuts them off to announce that the tag team partners are brawling in catering. The interviewees ditch their headsets and join the fight. We see more brawling in catering. Apparently, the official word from TNA management is that this is the last fight between these teams, and that it is contested under “Full Metal Mayhem” rules.
To the back! Lauren interviews AJ Styles about his match against Kurt Angle tonight.
Match #4: “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. Daniels: Pope has an awesome entrance anyway, and now it’s even better! He makes it rain money! Tenay says that Daniels has had the most experience and the most victories in Ultimate X matches, and has to be the favorite. WRONG!!! Daniels has the most wins, but Chris Sabin has been in the most Ultimate X matches. Don’t question me on this. Good, solid action back and forth between Pope and Daniels. I’m just sitting back and enjoying this one. At one point, Pope jumps off the top rope to be caught in a uranagi by Daniels. Both men trade two-counts and counters. Daniels hits the Angel’s Wings on Pope, and gets the win. Both guys looked really good here. Post-match, Suicide runs down and acts like he’s going to attack Pope, but attacks Daniels instead. Daniels is hit with the Gringo Killer. Suicide unmasks, and it’s a grinning Homicide. Homicide is chased out of the building by the whole security squad, and he bolts.
Mick Foley has popcorn. Whatever for? We go to commercial.
Mick Foley and his popcorn hit the ring. He sports a paper Abyss mask. He sits comfortably in a red stuffed chair in the ring. In true Foley style, Foley rips on Abyss as a Foley knock-off. Foley shows video footage of Abyss in previous matches, and compares his own similar doings to Abyss’s glorious moments. After four clips, Abyss’s music plays and he comes to the ring with a barbed-wire baseball bat. Abyss knocks Foley’s chair over and attacks him, but Foley orders Abyss to look at the screen. Abyss sees Dr. Stevie and the back of a sobbing blonde woman. Foley encourages Abyss to go save Lauren. Abyss shows hesitation, but heads to the back. Foley’s actual speaking was completely top-notch promo work.
JB is in the back, and Homicide runs through, looking over his shoulder. He takes the mic and says that he knows who Suicide is, and it’s their little secret. He ain’t goin’ nowhere! Pretty good Homicide promo here. He gets caught by security, and it takes all of them to drag him away.
Match #5: Alissa Flash vs. Hamada: This is a “falls count anywhere” match, and Flash attacks Hamada during her entrance. A table gets set up, but no one goes through it. Flash Curb Stomps Hamada on the floor. Flash is knocked off the side of the ramp to the floor. Hamada hits Flash with a huge hilo from the ramp to the floor. Hamada hits a spinning heel kick to the face on Flash, but Flash kicks out. Flash tries to suplex Hamada off the ring apron through the table, but Hamada counters into a jumping DDT. Flash is laid out on the table on the floor. Hamda hits a top rope moonsault through the table for the pin and win. Excellent match!
To the back! JB interviews Kurt Angle about his match tonight. Angle says that tonight, it’s AJ Styles. Sunday, it’s Matt Morgan. Those two are not Kurt Angle. AJ will learn that he doesn’t deserve to hold Angle’s belt. Morgan will learn not to cross the Godfather.
Match #6: Rhino vs. Bobby Lashley (Stretcher Match): Lashley has taped ribs after Rhino’s attack. Rhino attacks Lashley as soon as the bell rings, and Lashley has to be rolled into the ring. Rhino stomps, kicks, and clubs Lashley, kicking him in the ribs when possible. The rules of this match are that you must incapacitate your opponent, put him on a stretcher, wheel him to the ambulance, and put him in the ambulance. They fight to the floor, and Lashley throws Rhino into the barricade. Lashley gets Rhino on the stretcher and pulls him, but Rhino gets up and attacks Lashley. Lashley dodges a Gore against a wall, and Rhino hits the floor. Lashley dominates with punches. They fight to the back of the building, where the ambulance lives. Rhino tries another Gore, but Lashley kicks him and slams him down on a metal railing. Lashley throws Rhino in the ambulance and wins the match.
To the back! Abyss hunts for Lauren.
Don West talks up the whole “Bound for Glory” weekend. I really miss Don West.
To the back! SoCal Val asks Lashley if he has any final words for Samoa Joe. Lashley asks if Joe is ready to tap out. Samoa Joe attacks Lashley out of the trainer’s room and beats him down. Why do I fear that this ensures a Lashley victory?
Tenay and Taz talk up the ppv card, covering all the matches.
To the back! Abyss searches for Lauren. He thinks that he finds her, but it turns out to be — DAFFNEY! in a blonde wig. Dr. Stevie beats down Abyss, and Abyss fights back. Mick Foley shows up and beats down Abyss, shouting to beware of cheap imitations. Daffney is no such thing, Mister Foley, and you retract those slanderous words at once!
Match #7: Kurt Angle vs. AJ Styles: This is a non-title match. Loud crowd chants for AJ. Slow at first, very methodical on both sides. This match may take up most of the remaining hour, so I’m sitting back to enjoy this one too. At one point, AJ goes to the top rope, but Angle shoves him off and he hits the floor. AJ tries to get back in the ring, but Angle knocks him down again. Angle flips over the top rope and flattens AJ on the floor. Angle runs AJ back-first into the ring edge. Angle rolls AJ into the ring. Backbreaker by Angle, and AJ kicks and squirms out of two pins. Another tiltawhirl backbreaker by Angle. AJ’s lower back is injured. Angle locks AJ in a bear hug on the mat. Strikes and a boot from AJ. Overhead release suplex by Angle. Angle chokes AJ on the ropes. Back suplex by Angle. AJ kicks out at two. Body scissors on AJ’s midsection, trapping one arm. Angle applies a rear choke, which morphs into a side headlock. AJ fights out. Angle applies the rear choke again. AJ escapes, but both men are down. Second wind, and the pace picks up. Top rope springboard forearm from AJ, but Angle kicks out at two. Overhead release German suplex by Angle. AJ kicks out. AJ dodges the Angle Slam, and hits Angle with the Pele kick. Angle kicks out at two. AJ goes to the top rope, but Angle runs up and catches him, throwing him down. Angle covers AJ, but AJ kicks out at 2 1/2. AJ counters the Angle Slam with an armdrag, and follows up with a clothesline. AJ covers Angle, but Angle kicks out at two. Angle locks in the Angle Lock, but AJ escapes. Angle hits a series of rolling German suplexes. AJ kicks out. The straps come down. AJ hits the Syles Clash on Angle. Angle kicks out at two. AJ goes to the top rope. Angle hits the Angle Slam. AJ kicks out at 2 1/2. Angle tries a top rope moonsault, but AJ rolls out of the way. AJ hits a springboard 450 splash, but Angle kicks out at two. Counters upon counters upon counters! Angle traps AJ in the Figure Four leg lock, and th ebell rings. Angle thinks that he has won. The referee announces that the time limit has expired, and that the match is a draw. Sting comes down to the ring, but AJ wants none of him.
Match went to a time-limit draw
Tenay and Taz say that they’ll be talking to AJ and Angle shortly.
To the video package! Bobby Lashley and Samoa Joe. We see Lashley’s two kids and his family life. Joe is cocky, but controlled. Very, very nicely done segment. Reality-based, and very similar to the UFC video packages.
To the video package! Mick Foley and Abyss. We see a recap of how Foley and Abyss reached this point. The nature of this feud makes this video package less realistic than the previous one, but it’s still toned-down enough to be good.
To the video package! Kurt Angle and Matt Morgan. Both guys talk each other up. The Dixie Carter interview clip is shown here. Very good video package.
To the back! JB interviews Kurt Angle. Angle says that there was no doubt who the winner of the match would have been. It’s real, it’s damn real!
To the video package! Sting and AJ Styles. This is mostly Sting.
To the back! JB interviews AJ Styles, who is rather emotional. AJ is angry at himself for accepting a match with Angle on emotion, rather than on logic. He didn’t win th ematch, but he didn’t lose it either.
To the “Bound for Glory” pimping! Most of the roster gets a brief comment on the biggest ppv of the year.
FINAL THOUGHTS: I would have preferred to see all these video packages spread out over the past few weeks and had an actual three-hour show with more and longer matches. That said, the BWF staff will have our predictions and comments for “Bound for Glory” posted by Saturday morning, so check back with us for that and full ppv coverage on Sunday.
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