Greetings, bored wrestling fans!

Your Empress of “Impact” has had major internet access problems recently, resulting in a lack of columnage. While my connection lasts, here’s a link to a review of this week’s show:

Lance Storm has washed his hands of TNA, and no longer watches “Impact.” He says so here:

I certainly understand his feelings, and with shows like the one this week, it’s difficult not to join him. Nonetheless, there were some good things that happened, and those things deserve acknowledgement. In the style of “JT’s Random Randomness,” (read his column, as JT is awesome!) here are some thoughts to accompany the above review.

1. Amazing Red isn’t so amazing. I don’t get the love. He’s getting absolutely rave reviews all over the internet. The guy is good, and I’m not a hater by any means. The announce team and some fans are carrying on as if everything Red does has never before been seen in a wrestling ring. Not only has it been seen before, it’s been done better by any present and former X-Division talent. Again, I don’t question signing him, but all this “the new Rey Mysterio” adoration is misplaced.

2. Sting as the new Mafia Don is cool. Firing Sharmell, Jenna Morasca, and the two fat security guys was nice. However, the idea that the MEM is really a face group out to restore dignity and respect to the World title is absurd. TNA totally pussed out on the MEM/Front Line story, so now they’re trying to justify the existence of the MEM. Meh.

3. Samoa Joe’s brief interaction with the MEM was well-done. So many people are crapping all over it, but I liked it. The hit list being turned on the Mafia was nice, and Joe’s “being ordered” to take out everyone one by one makes me want to see how he does it. The order to “kill” Angle was actually a nice touch. 

4. Yes, it’s dumber than Dumby McDumbton from Dumbville, USA that the British Invasion can just steal championship title shot briefcases and legitimately hold them. Wasting an unannounced ladder match for something so stupid with no build at all is terrible. However, the “Isn’t that the American way?” comment made the whole thing work, somehow. The pre-match promo was good. Why not announce it this week, have a non-ladder match next week, and go from there?

5. Why the hell does TNA think that anyone will give two tugs of a dead dog’s cock about Sharmell vs. Survivor Skank?  

6. So now all the brown people and the non-Americans are aligned? Ok….

7. If you had nothing for Cody Deaner to do after the “Win a Night with ODB” contest, why bother signing him? I agree with Don West when he said that Cody Deaner is why you don’t do meth.

8. Raven looks great. He seems at a good weight, he’s moving well enough, and he certainly talks as well as ever. Daffney + Raven + Dr. Stevie = GOLD!!! Why announce a return like this? This could have been one of those, “Oh, shit, I missed that??? I have to make sure to watch ‘Impact’ next week!” moments. They wasted it trying to make sure that people tuned in by telling us in advance. Additionally, the announce team acted so matter-of-fact about Raven’s “sudden” appearance that something felt flat, or missing entirely. They acted like it was no big deal, and totally planned to happen, so some of the greatness was killed.

9. Why does Sojo Bolt get a Knockouts title shot? Did anyone remember that she even worked there? Just like Amazing Red with the X-Division title shot, it was thrown out there with no real explanation. Angelina Love deserves a nomination for sainthood for firing Kip James. She’s been a great heel champion so far, and I look forward to more.  

10. Victoria’s appearance was tremendous, and she looked nine kinds of awesome. Having her will be fantastic for the Knockouts division. Why have her and Raven show up on the same program? Three major appearances on one show goes beyond overkill. One tonight, one next Thursday, and one the Thursday after that. That would have been better. Doing it all at once lessened the power of each one.

11. From backstage promos to the match itself, Eric Young’s work was some of the most compelling and best-handled parts of the show. I cannot believe I just typed that! He has every reason in the world to do what he’s doing, and it all makes perfect sense. Huzzah, Eric Young, let’s see what you can do as a bad guy! 

12. Joe apologizes. Interesting….

13. Muzzle Jay Lethal until the “Black Machismo” character dies! The (criminally underused) MCMG didn’t have to resort to acting in order to be annoyed while standing around with Lethal Consequences, they probably actually were. Wouldn’t you be? Look, most new fans don’t get the old wrestling references. Most old fans don’t think they’re funny references. Either way, the fans are the biggest losers in this. If Jay Lethal is such a money guy, prove it in a different way.

14. We get it, we get it! Mutual respect between Team 3D and Beer Money. Since they’re all faces now, what happens after the title match at “Slammiversary?” No heel tag teams have been allowed to be built up as threats. I really hope Beer Money is faking the face turn, and they destroy Team 3D at the ppv, reveling in how they fooled them.

15. Styles and Daniels was good, but seemed like too  much stuff was crammed into it. Any match involving those two should be allowed to go 8-10 minutes with no commercials. Shane Douglas? Ok, why? Again, three returns/appearances in one night is too many, and at least the other two had some form of reason. I guess the lack of reason here is supposed to intrigue me, but it doesn’t. Shane Douglas looks like Eddie Izzard really let himself go.


That’s it for this week, and again, apologies for the lateness. Hopefully all technical problems will be resolved by the time this week’s “Impact” rolls around, Until then,

Peace out,


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